Archive of Our Own ^beta

*

Hitoshi meets with a tiny woman with a pink braid and big blue eyes who introduces herself to him as Kouyama. The homeroom teacher.

She’s under the impression Hitoshi is an actual sex educator. He doesn’t correct her because he’s never coming back here. He showed up as late as possible but still early enough to be polite (about ten minutes before class starts), so she quickly shows him how the digital whiteboard works and asks if he’d like a cup of coffee before she disappears into the teacher’s lounge to get it for him. She seems nice, if a little stiff.

With five minutes left, he looks around the classroom and reminisces about his own high school experience. Then the kids start pouring in.

“Oh. Hey.”

Hitoshi freezes.

“Shinsou?” asks the boy who greeted him.

He’s blond, like Kaminari. The nephew.

Kouyama returns before Hitoshi can reply. She’s carrying coffee, sugar packets, and a disposable milk cup. “I forgot to ask how you take it.”

“That’s fine. Thanks.”

He won’t make her go back for more sugar packets. Two is fine.

He busies himself with nursing his coffee while the rest of the class fills their seats, doing his best to ignore their murmuring and giggling. He knows what teenagers are like. Still, there’s a part of him that wonders if his hair looks weird or something. He put it in a bun to keep it from brushing his shoulders, but his fringe is still in his eyes, which are shadowed by heavy eyebags.

He couldn’t really sleep last night.

Finally, the bell rings and Kouyama tells her class the schedule for today, which starts with Hitoshi’s guest lecture.

He waits until she’s done before he introduces himself.

There’s more tittering, which he also ignores.

“I was gonna make a presentation, but I decided to take a different approach, because I don’t wanna bore you with a bunch of stuff you already know. You’ve had sex ed before, right?”

“Yeah, from Kouyama-sensei,” a kid says.

Oh, great.

Let’s hope she doesn’t mind if he disagrees with her teachings. Then again, she agreed to let him come, so maybe she already knows she’s not the right person for the job.

“Okay,” Hitoshi says. “What do you remember from her classes?”

“Consent is key,” a girl immediately says.

“Always use protection,” says another.

“Good.” Hitoshi writes “consent” and “protection” on the board. “Why?”

“To stop you from getting pregnant.”

“What else?”

“STDs,” a boy says.

Hitoshi writes both down, already tired of the giggling. “Do you know what kinds of protection there are?”

“Condoms,” multiple kids call out at once, inciting more laughter.

“The pill,” a girl says over the ruckus.

Then they go quiet.

Hitoshi fights the urge to look at Kouyama. “Have you ever heard of an IUD?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of that,” someone says.

Before he can ask if they know any other contraceptives, the entire class starts talking about what an IUD is and how it works. They’re all talking over each other, until a girl raises her hand and asks, “I heard it’s painful. Is that true?”

The class quiets down to hear his answer.

“The insertion, you mean?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“As far as I know, it’s mostly uncomfortable, but it might be painful for some people. It depends on the person, I think. And the doctor.”

“Oh. Sure.”

When there are no further questions, he asks, “Has anyone heard of implants? Shots? Patches? No? Okay.“ He starts writing a list of contraceptives. “I’m not gonna go over everything because it’ll take too long, and most of these are only good for avoiding pregnancy, but you should know your options. You can look them up later.”

A few kids start copying his list. Mostly girls.

“Condoms are still your best option. They’re easy to get, easy to use, and very effective. If you don’t want to use them because you’re worried about not being able to feel anything, just remember, if you don’t use them, you might end up with a nasty rash or a kid. Or both. Also, you’re young. It’s not the worst thing in the world if you can’t feel as much. You’ll last longer. When you have a steady partner, you can talk about using other forms of protection. Or none, if that’s an option.”

Kouyama clears her throat.

Hitoshi looks at her.

“Unless you’re trying to get pregnant, I don’t see why no protection is ever an option, Shinsou-san.”

Seriously?

“What about gay men?” he asks. “They can’t get pregnant.”

She blinks. “I suppose…”

“What about people who are infertile? What about people who’ve had their fallopian tubes tied or people who’ve had a vasectomy or a hysterectomy?”

Her mouth opens and closes.

“What’s a hysterectomy?” someone asks.

“It’s when you have your uterus surgically removed,” he explains. “You might want to do that because you have complications or because you identify as a man.”

Kaminari’s nephew raises his hand. “What’s a vasectomy?”

“They cut the tube that takes sperm from your testicles to your penis.”

“What the hell?” a particularly rowdy boy hollers. “Where does it go, then? Do you get really big balls?”

Hitoshi laughs, along with the rest of the class. “No. Apparently your body just absorbs the sperm cells and disposes of them. I looked it up when I got a vasectomy. It’s pretty cool.”

Rowdy Boy blinks. “Wait, you got one? Why?”

“Because I don’t want kids.”

“Why not?”

He shrugs. “I just don’t want them. It’s easier to enjoy yourself when you don’t have to worry about accidentally getting someone pregnant. But STDs are still a thing. Like I said, condoms are your best option.”

“What about…” a small, quiet girl says. “How do… lesbians avoid STDs?”

“They can use a dental dam.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a piece of latex to cover your mouth. I highly recommend using one when you’re performing oral sex, even if you’re not a lesbian.”

The kids laugh.

“You can get STDs from oral sex, too. Don’t be lazy. If you don’t have a dental dam, you can make one out of a condom.”

”How?”

“Oh, it’s super easy. I’ll show you.” He looks at Kouyama’s mostly empty desk and asks, “Does anyone have scissors?”

A studious-looking girl immediately offers one.

“Thanks,” he says with a smile, taking it and reaching inside his pocket. He figured he might need a condom or two for this, so he grabbed a bunch before he left. He takes one out and tears the packet open. “If you’re planning on—”

“Damn,” a boy in the front interrupts, snickering at the label on the packet. “XL? You’ve got a big dick, huh?”

Christ.

Teenagers.

It takes forever for the class to settle down after that. Kouyama is no help. She looks like she doesn’t know what to do with the information that Hitoshi’s got a big dick, either. Hitoshi just waits until he can speak again. If he pays the kid any attention, they’ll laugh about that comment even longer.

As expected, the tired look on his face makes them lose their humor eventually.

“As I was saying, if you’re planning on using this on someone, you should clean your scissors first. Now, watch. Cut off the tip… then cut through the ring… unroll it… and voilà: a dental dam.”

“Cool,” someone says.

“Not very sexy,” a boy in the back mutters.

“You know what’s also not very sexy?” Hitoshi asks. “Gonorrhoea.”

The kids laugh.

“Seriously. There are a lot of fun things about sex. STDs are not one of them.” He throws the remains of the condom in the trash and returns the scissors. “What else do you know?”

“Anatomy, I guess,” says the kid who commented on his dick size. He’s slumped in his seat, long legs stretched out before him, like he couldn’t care less.

“Okay. What do you know about anatomy, exactly?”

“Just, like, you know… vaginas and stuff.”

“Vaginas and stuff,” Hitoshi echoes, not impressed. “Any idea where the clit is?”

There’s some awkward laughter.

“Well?”

“Yeah,” Tall Boy says. “It’s in the front.”

“Everything is in the front. Unless you’re looking for their asshole.”

More laughter.

Hitoshi opens the web browser on the board, searches for “vagina anatomy,” and taps on an anatomical drawing to make it big. It’s already labeled, so all he has to do is point at it. “You can’t learn how to pleasure someone from looking at an image, obviously, but it does help to know where everything is. It helps to know how your own body works, too. There’s nothing wrong with exploring, as long as you’re being careful. Please don’t put any objects in your body that are not meant to go in there. If it gets stuck, you’ll have to go to the hospital. You’ll have to tell your parents.” He grins at their mortified groans. “Yeah. Think about that when you’re about to do something stupid.”

“You ever done something stupid?” a spindly boy with curly hair asks.

“Of course.”

“What?”

“Hm… I’ve accidentally hurt people by being too eager.” He takes another condom out of his pocket to show them the label again. “You think having a big dick automatically makes you good at sex? The vaginal canal is about four to eight inches when aroused. What if your dick is bigger than that? Where are those extra inches gonna go?”

“I’ve seen porn with girls taking ten-inch dicks, though,” Tall Boy says.

“You shouldn’t believe everything you see in porn, but yes, some people have more room than others. You can also train your body to take more, but that takes time. Never assume you can immediately shove the entire thing inside. It hurts. Size means nothing. It’s how you use it that matters.”

“What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?” Curly asks.

Hitoshi pockets the condom. “I got someone pregnant. It wasn’t just my fault, though. Their implant was expired. That’s why I got a vasectomy.”

“You’ve got a kid?” Anti Dental Dam asks.

“No. They had an abortion.”

“Oh.”

“It wasn’t fun, so be responsible, okay? It’s a lot less painful to use protection.”

A smiley girl raises her hand. “Do you have a girlfriend, Shinsou-sensei?”

“I… No.”

“So you’re single?” asks another, even smilier girl.

“No. I’m in a relationship.”

“Are you married?”

He slowly blinks at her. “I don’t see how that’s relevant. Let’s get back to talking about sex.”

“You have sex with the person you’re in a relationship with, don’t you?” Tall Boy snarks. “How do you do it? What’s your favorite position?”

“Touma-kun,” Kouyama hisses.

Hitoshi can tell the kid is trying to ruffle him. He looks at him for a moment, debating whether he should ignore it or go along with it. It might be worth it to let him know he’s not flustered by nosy questions. Not from a bunch of snot-nosed teenagers who don’t know their ass from their elbow.

And so he says in his most deadpan voice, “Doggy. What’s yours?”

The class erupts into giggles.

Touma scowls a little, ears turning pink.

Kouyama opens her mouth.

Hitoshi pretends not to notice and continues, “Don’t have one? Valid. Sex can get a little boring if you do it in the same position every time. Keep trying new things. Have fun. If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right. You can also use toys. There are all kinds of dildos, vibrators, fleshlights, et cetera, and they’re not just for masturbation.”

The small girl who’s possibly a lesbian raises her hand, then drops it again.

“What is it?”

“No, never mind.”

He pauses and considers letting it go, but then he says, “Don’t be afraid to ask questions. I know it’s hard, especially in front of your classmates, but you’re all here to learn. Asking an awkward question can’t be worse than making a mistake because you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Maybe they could ask anonymously?” Kouyama suggests.

“Sure.”

“Please write your questions on a piece of paper. I’ll collect them.”

A bunch of kids tear empty pages out of their notebooks and start writing, shielding their questions from their classmates with their arms. When they’re done, Kouyama goes around to collect them and hands them over to Hitoshi.

He shuffles the slips of paper before he picks one, unfolds it, and reads out loud, “‘Why can’t I come? I’m a girl btw.’”

There’s some curious glances, but the girl must have a good pokerface, because no one looks suspect.

They’re all quiet now, too.

“Good question,” he says. “It could be a number of things. The human body is complex and everyone’s body is different, so I can’t tell you why you, specifically, can’t come, but I can tell you some common causes.

“A lot of people think you need to have penetrative sex, which might work for some people, but not for everyone.” He points at the anatomical drawing again. “You might have better luck touching your clit. It can be sensitive, so be gentle with it. If your clit is particularly sensitive, you can use the clitoral hood to touch it indirectly. You can rub it or pinch it or do whatever you like. There is no right way to pleasure yourself.

“Also, the clit is actually much bigger than this, but the rest is inside your body.” He traces the lines of the labia. “You can stimulate it by applying pressure here. You can also touch your nipples, or any part of your body that’s sensitive, really. And you can combine clitoral stimulation with penetration if one or the other is not enough. If you have a vagina, your body probably needs more stimulation to reach orgasm, which means it takes a little longer to get there, so it could be that you’re just not taking your time with it. Or your partner. I do recommend getting to know your own body before you try having sex with someone else, because it’s a lot less awkward if you already know what you like.

“It could also be that you’re not relaxed enough. Sex is not just a physical thing. Your mind plays a huge role. That’s how you can orgasm from a dream. If you’re stressed, that can make it harder to come. Or maybe you’re rushing. Or maybe you’re trying too hard. Whatever it is, don’t worry too much about it. Don’t make it about the destination. Make it about the journey. Enjoy yourself. You’ll have an easier time orgasming if you stop worrying about not being able to orgasm.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Then a girl raises her hand.

“Yes?”

“What if… What if your boyfriend can’t make you come?”

“Tell him what I just told you. Talk about it. Try things out together. It’s not the end of the world if you can’t come. You can still have a good time. The most important thing is that you communicate with each other.”

She nods.

The classroom is silent again, so Hitoshi opens another slip of paper. “‘How do I get a girl to have sex with me?’” He bites back a laugh and says, “Depends. Are you talking about a specific girl or girls in general? And have you tried asking?”

A few people laugh, but no one speaks up.

“Honestly, just treat her like a person. Show interest in her life. Listen to her. You won’t have much luck getting a girl to have sex with you if that’s all you’re after. You can ask—politely—but she might say no, so be prepared to be rejected. If she’s not interested, just leave her alone. The same thing goes for boys, girls. Contrary to popular belief, not all boys wanna have sex all the time.”

“Speaking from personal experience?” Touma asks.

“No. I was a very horny teenager.”

Despite the laughter, Hitoshi can hear Kouyama sigh. He ignores it, because he’s not going to pretend teenagers aren’t horny. (He learned that from Eri.) He’d rather make himself seem relatable than lie.

“I was lucky to have a lot of friends who were also very horny teenagers,” he continues, “but I had plenty of friends who weren’t interested in hooking up, and you just kinda have to accept that if you want your friends to like you. No one likes a pervert who can’t respect boundaries.”

Again, Touma asks, “Speaking from personal experience?”

“Not me. A classmate of mine. All the girls hated him.”

“Did they like you?” Smiley Girl asks.

“I think so.”

“Did you date any of them?” Smilier Girl asks.

“I didn’t. But we’re getting off topic again.” He grabs another question. “‘How/where can you get sex toys as a minor?’”

That must be from the Lesbian.

“It’s actually not illegal to buy sex toys as a minor, but sex stores usually don’t allow minors inside. If you don’t feel comfortable asking your parents, an older sibling, or a friend to get them for you, you can order them online. There are stores that have discreet packaging.”

“Which stores?” a blushy boy asks.

“I’ll email a list to Kouyama later. She can forward it to you.”

Kouyama looks like she wants to protest but doesn’t know if she should.

“‘How do you know if you’re straight?’” Hitoshi reads before she can make up her mind. Interesting. He wasn’t expecting questions about sexuality, but he supposes it’s related. “Honestly, I have no idea. You just know, I guess. Maybe not immediately, but you’ll figure it out. A friend of mine figured out his sexuality by watching porn. Personally, I didn’t give it much thought until said friend asked if I wanted to hook up. I just thought a lot of people were attractive, but I didn’t fully realize until that moment that I was sexually attracted to them. I sort of knew, but not really, if that makes sense. People are just people to me. I don’t see a difference.”

“What gender is your partner?” Smilier Girl asks.

“You guys are way too curious about my personal life,” he says, only half-joking, before grabbing another question. Except it’s not a question. “‘You’re hot.’” He crumples the note. “Thanks. I’m also twelve years older than you.”

The class laughs.

“‘Have you ever made a girl squirt?’” He snorts. “Really?”

“Hey, it’s a serious question,” Touma says.

“Is this yours?”

“Maybe.”

“Uh-huh. Okay.”

“What’s squirting?” asks Studious Girl.

“It’s when your body produces a liquid that comes out of your urethra, which is not to be confused with pee. Sometimes it happens when you’re really turned on, sometimes it never happens, and sometimes it happens all the time. It’s easier for some people than others. And yes, Touma, I have.” He grabs the next question.

But Touma has another one.

“How do you do it?”

“Well… Like I said, sometimes it never happens, so don’t get your hopes up, but it’s most likely to happen with G-spot stimulation. If you wanna know more, there are plenty of articles online. I’m not gonna give you instructions on how to make a girl squirt when you don’t even know where the clit is.”

Touma looks outraged while his classmates snicker at him. “I know where it is! I just wasn’t specific when you asked!”

“Okay,” Hitoshi relents. “Nevertheless, let’s focus on the basics, alright? All you really need to know is how to make a girl feel good. If she comes, great. If she doesn’t come, also great. Make it about the journey, remember? And stop watching so much porn. You’ll learn more from reading articles and trying it out yourself.”

“Don’t you ever watch porn?” Rowdy Boy asks.

“Not anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t need to, and frankly, I don’t want to. Real people are a lot more fun.”

“Not all of us have partners,” Anti Dental Dam mutters.

“Go cry about it.”

There’s some surprised laughter.

The boy doesn’t seem very amused, so Hitoshi softens it with some advice. “If you want a partner, or even just someone to hook up with, go out and meet people. You won’t find anyone on a porn website, especially as a minor.”

“How did you meet your partner?” a not smiley girl asks.

“We were friends,” he says, before moving on to the next question. “‘Can a girl get pregnant if you don’t put it in?’ Well, it’s unlikely, but not impossible. She won’t get pregnant from oral sex, but if you put your penis near her vagina, it’s best to use protection just in case. Fluids are fluids. All it takes is one sperm cell. That’s why pulling out is not an effective form of birth control.”

No one has questions about that.

“‘Does anal sex hurt?’ Not if you do it right. It’s important to take your time with it, use lots of lube, and relax.” He exits out of the browser so he can write it down. “This counts for vaginal sex, too, actually. Not all vaginas self-lubricate and not all vaginas can immediately fit a penis. The anus does none of that, so you have to do it yourself.

“The prep takes longer than you’d expect, especially if you’re not used to it, so if you’re planning on having anal sex with a partner later and you don’t wanna spend the entire time stretching, you can do it in advance. You should start with something small and work your way up to something that is slightly bigger than your partner’s penis or strap-on dildo or whatever. You can wear an anal plug to keep your hole stretched so you can immediately have sex when you want to. ”

Studious girl raises a hand. “How long does it stay stretched, Shinsou-sensei?”

“Depends on how frequently and how wide you stretch. If you have anal sex daily, you won’t need to do it as much because your sphincter will get used to it. If you stop stretching, it will go back to normal.”

“Doesn’t that cause problems with, like… you know?” Smiley Girl asks.

“The stretching itself, no. You just need to be careful to avoid damaging the muscle, especially when you’re stretching it wide. That’s why it’s important to do these things.” He taps the board. “Also, kegel exercises. The risk of becoming incontinent is pretty low, though.”

“Oh, okay.”

“‘How do you have sex with multiple people?’” he reads and sighs. “Why don’t you try having sex with one person first?”

“Some of us have!” another boy in the back calls out.

“Well, if you must know, it’s not that different. Just find a position that works.”

“Have you done it?” asks a kid who could be a boy or a girl.

He hesitates before he admits, “I have.”

“How does that… work?”

He shrugs. “We found a position that worked.”

“What position?” Touma asks. “Can you demonstrate it?”

Hitoshi stares at him.

“What?”

Rowdy Bow sniggers.

“No, I can’t demonstrate it, Touma,” Hitoshi says, “but you and your friends can, if you’d like to provide a visual for your classmates.”

Touma blinks. He clearly doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“Alright!” Rowdy Boy says.

“What’s your name?” Hitoshi asks.

“Tokunaga.”

“Okay, Tokunaga, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you don’t actually have to act out a threesome in front of your class.”

There’s some giggling, but Tokunaga is not deterred.

“Why not? Sounds like fun.”

“In that case,” Hitoshi says, looking at the clock, “you and Touma can have lots of fun after school hours. We have more questions to get through.”

Touma scowls at the laughter from his classmates.

Before anyone can say anything, Hitoshi reads the next question. “‘What counts as sex?’ Ah. That’s a difficult one. I would say… anything that involves genitals? Whether you’re using your hands, your mouth, your own genitals, or a toy, if you’re touching them—or vice versa—that’s what I would call sex. You don’t even have to be naked. If you’re touching them through their clothes, you’re still touching them. Someone else might have a different answer, though.”

“What about phone sex?” Not Smiley Girl asks. “You’re not really touching each other then.”

“Hm. Some people would call that mutual masturbation, but I think it counts. If you were physically together, you would be touching each other, but you’re not, so you’re touching yourself, but together. Besides, it’s in the name.”

“True.”

Okay, next question.

“’What if you wear a condom that’s too small for you? Will it break?’” He takes out a condom again and tears open the packet. “Fun fact, condoms are super stretchy.” He rolls the condom down over his arm, throwing the entire class into chaos. “That means it’s not likely to break, but ‘not likely’ is not the same as ‘impossible.’ They can break. A condom that’s too small for you is better than nothing, but condoms are more effective when they’re the right size, and they’re a lot more comfortable, too. A penis is not made of bone and muscle, like my arm. It’s just a big sponge filled with blood, so wearing a tight condom will make it harder to keep your erection and you won’t have as much sensation. I learned that the hard way. No pun intended.”

The class laughs.

He takes the condom off and throws it in the trash. “With that being said, you don’t want to wear a condom that’s too big for you, either. It’ll slip off. It’s not hard to find the right fit. Just look at the size chart. And like I said, size means nothing. You could have no dick and still be good at sex—just ask the lesbians.”

The Lesbian smiles while the rest of the class laughs.

“Okay, I have a few more. Let’s see. ‘Can you pee while you’re having sex?’ Yes, you can. It probably won’t happen by accident, though. Sometimes it feels like you need to pee when you’re actually about to orgasm. If you’re worried, you can put a towel down. It’s not a big deal. Bodies are weird.”

“Have you ever peed during sex?” Touma asks.

“Not me.” Not by accident, at least. “But it has happened.”

“Gross.”

“Like I said, bodies are weird. If it grosses you out, that’s valid, but if it happens, your partner is probably already really embarrassed, so don’t make them feel bad. It’s just pee. Not acid. You’ll live. The same thing goes for poop. You can wear a condom or gloves if you don’t want it on you. The sooner you accept that sex is just kind of gross sometimes, the sooner you can enjoy it. As long as you’re being careful and wash up after, you’ll be fine.”

Touma wrinkles his nose, but doesn’t respond.

Hitoshi opens the next question. “‘How do I come out of the closet?’”

Uh…

“I don’t think I can tell you, unfortunately,” he admits. “I don’t know what your friends and family are like. Everyone’s situation is different. I also don’t have any experience with it, because I didn’t feel the need to come out. I wasn’t the first one in my class, or even the second. I suppose if you want to tell someone, you can start by telling someone who is already out. They might be able to help you figure out what to do in your particular situation. Is anyone here out?”

No one raises their hand. Not even the Lesbian.

“You can also talk to Kouyama.”

She nods. “Of course.”

“Or you can do what I did and just let people figure it out. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. You can just be queer. Nothing wrong with that.” He gestures at himself. “Obviously.”

“How did people figure it out?” Tokunaga asks.

“Let’s just say people liked to talk.”

The Lesbian frowns. “Did they… tell people without your permission?”

“Like I said, I wasn’t the first, so it was pretty normal for us to talk about stuff like that. And that friend who came up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up is kind of a blabbermouth, so I wasn’t expecting him to keep it a secret. And it wasn’t just him.”

“Did you hook up with a lot of guys, Shinsou-sensei?” Smilier Girl asks.

“Not relevant.”

“Well—”

“One more question,” he interrupts, unfolding the note. “‘What do I do if I have a weird kink?’”

The kids start looking around again.

He nearly does, too. He wasn’t expecting that question.

It kind of makes him feel like a dick for scolding the kids because they asked about things like squirting and threesomes and telling them to focus on the basics. Obviously, most people don’t have a lot of experience at sixteen, but “most” is not “all.” He shouldn’t avoid talking about things that seem beyond them. He should be educating them.

When the kids start whispering, he says, “Quiet.”

They immediately shut up.

“First of all, I won’t say there are no weird kinks, because there are, but unless you’re into something that’s literally illegal, don’t be ashamed. And don’t let anyone else shame you for it, either. You’re not hurting anyone by being into feet, for example. But I get it.” He lifts the note. “What do you do? How do you tell your partner you wanna try something new? What if you have no partner to try it with? Again, everyone’s situation is different, so I can’t tell you what to do, but the most important thing to remember is this…” He underlines what he wrote at the start of the lecture. “Consent is key.”

Curly raises a hand.

Hitoshi points a finger at him. “Hold that thought. Let’s say you’re into feet. Your partner might not be into it, so you can’t just start sucking on their toes. You have to ask first. If they consent, great. If they don’t, you can still enjoy yourself without sticking their toes in your mouth. It’s important to let your partner know they don’t have to do it if they don’t want to. I think people only shame others for having weird kinks and fetishes because they don’t understand it, and they might even be scared they’re gonna do it with them. But unless there’s something wrong with them, a person who likes slapping people would much rather do it with someone who actually likes getting slapped.”

“Speaking from personal experience?” Touma asks, for the third time.

“Do you think it’s appropriate for me to tell a bunch of teenagers about any kinks I may or may not have?”

“You told us you like to hit it from the back.”

Hitoshi raises a brow. “Who said I was telling the truth? It’s the most popular sex position among men, so yeah, it could be my favorite. Could be missionary. Who knows? You won’t hear it from me. I feel no obligation to tell you anything you don’t need to know. I’ve dealt with people who are a lot harder to deal with than teenagers.”

“What kind of people?” Tokunaga asks.

“Villains.”

“Wait, really?”

“He’s Chargebolt’s friend, remember?” Kaminari’s nephew says.

“Ohhh.”

Suddenly, the class looks at him in a different light.

Hitoshi holds up a hand. “Before you ask, I can’t tell you any more than that, even if I wanted to. I’d get in trouble. More importantly, I’m here to teach you about sex, not heroics.”

“How does a Pro Hero even get into sex education?” Anti Dental Dam asks.

“Well, Midnight was a domme.”

“Who’s Midnight?”

“She was a Pro Hero when I was young. She was a teacher at UA. She actually taught Modern Hero Art History, but she was also a domme.”

“What’s a domme?” asks Studious Girl.

“A woman who likes to dominate people in a BDSM setting. BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. If that’s something you’re interested in, please do a lot of research and please make sure everything you do is safe and consensual. Respect boundaries. Talk and listen.”

“How do you know all of this?” Tokunaga asks.

“The internet.”

He laughs. “No way.”

“Yes way. Obviously, I have experience, but I would not know nearly as much as I do if I didn’t do any research. I also talk with my friends. It might be awkward at first, but I can’t recommend it enough, especially if you’re insecure about stuff because you think you’re the only one. You probably aren’t.”

“My uncle and his girlfriend said that, too,” Kaminari’s nephew says. “There are a lot of misunderstandings because people are too afraid to talk about sex.”

“Exactly.”

“You talk with your uncle about sex?” Curly asks.

Kaminari’s nephew shrugs. “Yeah. That’s why Shinsou is here. I was telling him about Kouyama-sensei’s class, and he said he learned more about sex from his friend than sex ed, so I asked if he did classes.”

Hitoshi doesn’t ask, but he would bet money Kaminari said yes. He’s done one class. About impact play. In his boyfriend’s living room. And he’s done public scenes. At a BDSM club. This is the first time he’s standing in front of a class.

Kaminari really owes him.

He points at Curly. “You had a question earlier.”

“Oh,” he says. “I was just wondering... How do you know if you have a weird kink? Like, I don’t think I’m into feet, but I’ve never sucked on someone’s toes, so how can I be sure?”

“If the idea of sucking on someone’s toes turns you off, you’re probably not into it, but sometimes you need to try it first. Also, I know I said to stop watching porn, but it can actually help you to figure out what you’re into. Just remember, there are three different ways to enjoy something: giving, receiving, and watching.” He pauses to write it on the board. “You might like watching something, but that doesn’t mean you wanna do it or that you want someone to do it to you. To give you an example: maybe you like watching impact play, which is when you hit people with objects, but you don’t like inflicting pain or being in pain. You only like watching other people getting off on it. Or maybe you do like inflicting pain, but not being in pain. That means you’re a sadist, but not a masochist. Anything is possible, really. And it’s all okay, as long as it’s safe and consensual. Oh, I should write that down.”

“Shinsou-sensei?” someone calls while he writes.

“Yeah?”

“How can hitting someone be safe?”

He turns around to face the girl. She looks genuinely concerned, so he offers her a smile and says, “By knowing how hard and where to hit. The butt is generally safe because it’s a lot of muscle and fat. But you should always ask before hitting someone. That’s the most important thing.” He points at everyone. “So none of you try slapping someone’s ass without permission, okay?”

They laugh.

“Okay?” he repeats, louder.

They shout “Okay!” back at him.

“Good. Does anyone have any questions they forgot to write down?”

Smiley Girl raises a hand.

“Yes?”

“What do you do if you’re, like… you know, doing it with someone, but they don’t really… care about you? I have this friend with a boyfriend who’s kind of… I don’t know. It seems like he only cares about, you know, himself, but she really likes him. I don’t know what to tell her.”

“Well, he sounds like an asshole.”

“Shinsou-san,” Kouyama hisses at him.

“Sorry, but he does. Though I guess he might not know he’s treating her like shit. I don’t—”

“Can you watch your language, please?”

The kids snicker.

“My bad,” Hitoshi says. “If it seems like he doesn’t know, tell your friend to talk to him. If he’s… being a bad boyfriend on purpose, she needs to break up with him. It might be difficult to convince her, though. She might be blinded by her feelings. You should probably talk to Kouyama about that.”

Smiley Girl nods. “Thank you, Shinsou-sensei.”

The next raised hand is from Smilier Girl.

Hitoshi looks at her.

“What is something you wish you’d known when you were a teenager?”

What a surprisingly profound question from a girl who seemed interested in nothing but his dating life up until this point. He thinks about it for a moment before he realizes the answer is actually about his dating life.

Looks like she’s getting what she wanted after all.

“I wish I’d known there’s nothing wrong with not being interested in romance. I spent a long time avoiding relationships because I didn’t think it was for me. Then I got into a relationship, anyway, and I hated it. It wasn’t until I got into a relationship with my current partner that I finally realized I didn’t hate being in a relationship. I just hated being in a ‘normal’ relationship. If someone had told me I didn’t have to do any of the stuff people expect you to do when you start dating someone, I would’ve started dating my partner a lot sooner. I wish I’d known I’m allowed to just do what makes me happy.”

Smilier Girl smiles even bigger. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“What is your relationship with your partner like?” Not Smiley Girl asks.

“I don’t think you need to know that.”

“Aww,” Smiley Girl whines. “Is there nothing you can tell us?”

“Nothing that would be useful to you.”

“Surely there’s something!”

“Maybe you can tell them something you learned about sex from your partner,” Kouyama suggests.

He sighs. “Sure. Let me think… Okay. I learned that it’s important to spend time with your partner after sex, especially if you… if it was an emotional time. You need time to come down from that high, and it’s better to be with each other during that time so you can make sure the other person is alright. It’s called aftercare. It’s not just for partners, though. You might want to leave immediately after a hookup, but it can’t hurt to stay for a while. Have a chat, watch a movie, take a nap, whatever. You can even have a cuddle. You don’t need to be together to do stuff like that. Actually, I learned that from a fu—someone I used to hook up with. But I did it with my partner, too. Before we started dating, I mean. I learned from them it’s nice to just spend time together.”

Kouyama smiles at that. “That is nice.”

“Isn’t it weird to cuddle with a stranger?” Kaminari’s nephew asks.

Hitoshi smiles. “No less weird than having sex with a stranger.”

“Fair.”

“Is it better to have sex with someone you know?” Studious Girl asks.

“For some people, yes. They might not feel comfortable with a stranger. They might not even be attracted to them. But there are plenty of people who don’t mind having sex with strangers. It’s almost always better with someone you love, though.”

“Is it better for you with your partner?” Smiley Girl asks.

“I’m gonna put you in timeout.”

“No!” she cries while the others laugh.

“Yeah, of course it’s better with my partner,” he says, smiling, “but that’s also because we’re familiar with each other. We don’t need to ask as many questions. We already know what the other wants, so we can surprise each other. And we feel safe enough that we can surprise each other.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

“Can you tell us how to make a girl feel good?” Touma asks. “Genuine question. ‘Cause you said not to believe everything you see in porn.”

“Honestly, just ask. It’s fine if you don’t know everything. Even if you did, everyone is different. I know all the sweet spots, but I don’t know which one is gonna do it for whoever I’m sleeping with. Pay attention to their reactions, listen to what they’re saying, and if they’re not saying anything, ask them questions. Like ‘How does that feel?’ or ‘Is that good?’”

Touma looks dubious.

“It might feel awkward, but most people actually enjoy hearing it. And it’s easier to admit something isn’t working for them when you ask. Also, it’s a lot more awkward to find out they were faking it.”

He scowls, crossing his arms. “I guess.”

“I’ll tell you one thing: most people don’t like it when you shove your dick in right away, especially if they need time to relax. Foreplay is important.”

“I know that,” he scoffs.

“Good.”

“Oh, Shinsou-san,” Kouyama says. “We’re almost at the end of the period.”

“Right. One more question?”

Multiple kids raise their hands, but the boy in the back who claimed he’s not a virgin is the quickest, so Hitoshi points at him.

“Will you be back?”

“Uh… I wasn’t planning on it. I just did this as a favor for his uncle,” Hitoshi says, gesturing to Kaminari’s nephew. “I’m pretty busy, usually.”

“What if we have more questions?”

“Ask Kouyama.”

“No offense to her, but she doesn’t know much,” Tokunaga says.

She laughs. “No… None taken.”

“Alright,” Hitoshi says. “How about this? Try finding the answers to your questions on the internet, and if you really can’t find anything, ask Kouyama to email me, and I’ll get back to you when I can.”

The boy nods.

Then the school bell rings.

Nearly the entire class shouts, “Thank you, Shinsou-sensei!”

*

The kids have class from a different teacher after the lecture, so Kouyama follows Hitoshi out of the classroom and asks if she can ask a few questions, too.

He agrees, and they walk to the teacher’s lounge together. There are a few other teachers in there already, who introduce themselves, but they leave when Hitoshi and Kouyama sit down on the armchairs by the window.

“That was great!” she tells him with a big smile on her face. All that stiffness she had when he arrived is gone now. “Kaminari-san said you didn’t have a lot of experience with teaching, but you did really well. I get that you’re too busy to come back and give more lectures, but could I ask you to help me put together a syllabus? I figured the current one might be a little out of date, but I didn’t realize just how much it was lacking.”

“Uh… Sure.”

“I wasn’t sure how to feel about sending the kids links to online sex stores, but I suppose it’s better to make sure they have access to toys that are safe to use than to let them use things they shouldn’t be using.”

“Yeah. People will put anything in their holes if they’re horny enough.”

She laughs, blushing. “God… Yeah.”

“When it comes to education, it’s always better to give people too much information than too little, I think. Especially about sex. I’m lucky I was sort of forced to educate myself.”

“Because of your, uh… situation?”

He gives her an amused look. “My situation?”

“You know…”

“Oh, my generously sized genitalia?”

“Y-yes. God. Sorry. I’m no better than my students.”

He chuckles. “It’s fine. Shame on me for not considering the consequences of using my own condoms to demonstrate, I guess. But yes, it was, in part, because of my situation.”

“What was the other part?”

“Well, I was very curious about a lot of things and I wanted to do it right. How come you weren’t able to answer their questions, lacking syllabus notwithstanding?”

“Oh, it’s kind of embarrassing,” she says, looking down, cheeks going as pink as her hair. “We had a different teacher for sex ed, but she retired last year, so now the homeroom teachers have to do it, and I’ve been so focused on my own classes… I thought the syllabus would be enough to be able to teach the class. And, um… Sadly, I don’t have much experience myself.”

“Hm. I can see how a syllabus that was put together by a teacher who retired last year would be out of date.”

“Yeah…”

“I’m surprised you don’t have much experience, though.”

She blinks at him. “Why?”

“Well, you’re pretty easy on the eyes.”

She laughs nervously, looking away again. “Don’t you have a partner, Shinsou-san?”

“I also have eyes. Not that my partner would mind. We’re in an open relationship.”

“O-oh. That explains your comment about hating ‘normal’ relationships.”

“Yeah. Not my thing. Anyway, do you wanna work on that syllabus now or later?”

“Um… I have to teach next period, so maybe when classes are over? Or we can pick a date if you’re not available tonight.”

“I’m available.”

Kouyama graciously offers to come over to Hitoshi’s place so he doesn’t have to come back six hours later. Hitoshi suspects she has ulterior motives, but he allows it, because well, as stated, she’s pretty easy on the eyes. He doesn’t wanna make her uncomfortable if she really just wants to work on that syllabus, though. He’ll wait.

He’ll be professional.

*

They’ve been working on the syllabus at the dinner table for about an hour when the door suddenly slams open in the hallway. Hitoshi doesn’t even have to ask who it is. He can tell by the sound alone.

It wakes the cats up, too. They both look up in a sleepy daze.

Kouyama is understandably confused. Hitoshi told her his partner was working.

Which he is.

His other partner, though…

“Oi! Hitoshi!”

“What?” he calls back.

“You got a guest?”

“Yeah.”

“Dinner?”

Hitoshi looks at Kouyama. “Are you staying for dinner?”

She blinks at him.

Before she can figure out how to respond, Katsuki walks in and frowns at the papers on the table. “What the fuck are you doing?”

The cats jump off the couch and greet him loudly. He bends down to cup Yap’s head and shakes her around so her white fur goes flying. Yip runs away before he can give him the same treatment.

“We’re making a syllabus,” Hitoshi answers.

“What for?”

“Sex ed.”

He stands up straight. “Huh?”

“Excuse me,” Kouyama blurts. “Your partner is Dynamight?”

“Yes,” Hitoshi says. “We’d appreciate it if you don’t tell anyone.”

“I, uh… Sure. I mean, of course. Nice to meet you. I’m Kouyama Miharu. Please take care of me.” She bows to Katsuki, then says to Hitoshi, “I’d like to finish the syllabus today, so if we can continue after dinner, that would be appreciated.” She glances at Katsuki. “If you don’t mind.” 

“Lucky for you, Katsuki loves showing off his cooking.”

“Shut up,” Katsuki says, already heading for the kitchen, before he pauses and mumbles a brief introduction to Kouyama, who smiles politely. “Why are you making a syllabus, anyway? Thought you didn’t wanna teach.”

“It’s for Kouyama,” Hitoshi says.

“Is this ‘cause of that guest lecture Kaminari bullied you into?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d it go?”

“Fine.”

“It went more than fine,” Kouyama says. “The kids asked if he was coming back.”

Katsuki hums. “Disappointed them, did he?”

“Yeah. He did.”

“Well, don’t let him change his mind. He really doesn’t need another job.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I won’t use up any more of his time after today.”

He nods and feeds the cats before he gets started on dinner so Hitoshi and Kouayama can continue working on the syllabus. So far, they’ve put together a list of topics that absolutely need to be taught and a list of additional topics that kids might have questions about. They’re halfway through the first one. When they reach sexuality, Hitoshi says, “I think you have quite a few queer kids.”

“Really? There was only one question about coming out.”

He grabs the stack of notes, which Kouyama brought with her for inspiration, and takes out the ones he needs. “‘How do I come out of the closet?’ ‘How do you know if you’re straight?’ ‘How/where can you get sex toys as a minor?’ ‘Does anal sex hurt?’ That last one could be a girl, but it could be a boy, too.”

“Why do you think the one about sex toys is from a queer kid?”

“The girl who asked how lesbians avoid STDs. That was her question.”

“Oh, I didn’t even… Okay. What do you think we should put in the syllabus?”

“There should be more information about all the different ways people can have sex. There’s too much focus on penis-in-vagina sex. You don’t have to devote an entire section to sexuality if you just bring it up while you’re talking about sex in general, though it probably can’t hurt to mention there are more sexualities than just straight and gay. There’s also nothing in here about gender variety. Those boys would have no idea what to do with a transgender woman, if they were even open to it in the first place.”

“Right.” She takes a few notes. “And what about coming out?”

“I don’t think that needs to be in the syllabus. Just try to create an environment where they’re comfortable talking about it, and they’ll start telling people when they’re ready. And you can offer to be a listening ear, I guess.”

She nods.

Katsuki clears his throat, walking over to the table. “Dinner’s ready.”

Hitoshi puts a hand on Katsuki’s back as he puts a couple of bowls down and smiles up at him. “Thanks, darling.”

Katsuki shoves Hitoshi’s head.

He laughs.

Kouyama smiles. “Thank you, Bakugou-san.”

They move the syllabus and the notes aside before they start eating quietly.

After a moment, Katsuki says, “I’ll go, after. Leave you to it.”

“You don’t have to,” Kouyama says.

“I got better things to do than watching you work.”

“What things?” Hitoshi asks.

He shrugs. “Probably call Sero.”

“He’s working late.”

“Kaminari?”

“Date night.”

“Shit… Guess I’ll bug Ochaco.”

“Say hi for me.”

“No.”

Hitoshi smiles. “Alright, I’ll text her.”

*

When Katsuki leaves, Kouyama says, “He’s much nicer in person.”

Hitoshi laughs. “He’s usually pretty nice to guests. I think he was disappointed you were here, though. He has a tendency to come over uninvited when he wants to spend time together.”

“Oh, no! I’m sorry. If I knew, I would’ve left.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll still be here tomorrow.”

She opens her mouth to reply, then stops and frowns. “Wait. I thought you said you live here with your partner.”

Ah, damn it.

“Why would he need to be invited?” she asks.

“Well…”

Yeah, there’s no way out of this.

There’s no reason for him to have lied about living with his boyfriend.

He reaches for the syllabus, just to have something to look at while he tells her the naked truth. “Not a ‘normal’ relationship, remember? I actually have two partners. We’re in a polyamorous relationship, if you’ve ever heard of that.”

“I… No, I haven’t.”

“It means we’re all dating.”

“Oh. Is polyamorous the same as an open relationship?”

“No. Not everyone who’s polyamorous is open to dating or sleeping with other people and vice versa. We’re dating each other, and we’re open to sleeping with other people, but we’re not open to dating other people.”

“I see.” She taps the table with her pen. “Do you think that should be in the syllabus, too?”

He looks up at her, then at the list they wrote. “Good question.”

“I imagine you probably have to explain that a lot.”

“I usually don’t tell people at all, honestly.”

She hums thoughtfully. “Let’s put it in. Can’t hurt, right?”

“Yeah, alright.”

*

Two hours later, they’re done.

Good thing, too. He was starting to get a headache.

“Would you like me to send you the final draft to proofread?” Kouyama asks as she puts everything in her bag.

“Sure.”

“I’ll ask the school how much they’re willing to pay you for it. I’ll put your name on it, too. Honestly, you deserve the credit more than I do.”

“You’re the one putting it all together. I think we deserve equal credit.”

She smiles. “Okay.”

“Oh, and remind me to send those links later. Tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” she says, stretching her back with a groan. “Today was a long day.”

“Do you have to travel far?”

“It’s fine. I like to read on the tram.”

“I can drive you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I really don’t mind.”

“Alright. If you’re sure.”

She walks to the hallway and grabs her coat, but then she hesitates. He waits patiently, because she obviously wants to ask or tell him something important, but right when she opens her mouth, the door opens.

This time, it’s Neito who walks in.

“Oh. Hello.”

Kouyama freezes. “…hello?”

“Were you leaving or did you just get here?”

“I was…” Her eyes widen. “Hold on. Are you Phantom Thief?”

Neito grins. “The one and only. Nice to meet you.”

“Uh.”

She seems broken so Hitoshi steps forward to close the door. “You’re early.”

“Yeah,” Neito says. “There were enough heroes, and I’m exhausted, so I left.”

“Katsuki cooked, if you’re hungry. Leftovers are in the fridge.”

“Oh, bless that man. Are you done, then?”

“Yeah.”

“Have a lovely night,” Neito says to Kouyama before heading inside, getting started on taking his hero costume off. Hitoshi is sad to miss the show, but maybe he can catch the end of it when he’s done seeing Kouyama out.

“Uh,” she says.

“Was there something you wanted to say? Earlier?”

“Um. Yes. I mean, no.” Her cheeks turn pink. “It was nothing.”

“Okay, correct me if I’m wrong, because the last thing I wanna do is make things awkward, but you’re blushing. Do you want me to take you home?”

Her eyes go wide, but she doesn’t deny it.

Alright.

He can watch Neito’s striptease any other day.

“I’ll drive you,” he says, reaching behind her to take his coat off the rack, and her blush darkens at the proximity. “No hard feelings if you change your mind.”

*

She doesn’t change her mind.

And now she has firsthand experience in all the ways a big dick can be used to make a woman feel good without shoving the whole thing inside.

*