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As Kevin ran through the house with four rogue animatronics after him, one thing was for sure – these weren't his average home invaders.
His parents had gone to Disneyworld to celebrate Christmas, leaving him behind yet again by complete accident. He had no idea how or why they kept doing it, but over the years, he got used to it and learned to adapt.
Not only did he get left at home again, but every time it happened, Kevin experienced a home invasion, usually by a couple of random crooks. All of them underestimated his wit and ability to set up crazy traps to stop them. But tonight, this were very different…
Kevin was scrolling TikTok in his room in his massive house in Chicago, when he suddenly heard the door splintering down. He bolted up in bed; that hadn't happened before during his usual home invasions. That meant it was time to set up traps again and send them packing.
But when he ran out of his room and looked down over the balcony, nothing prepared him for what he saw. He recognized them – an animatronic bear, chicken, rabbit, and fox. He saw them all last night performing when he went to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza.
But why were they at his house now?!
And why were they slowly walking up the stairs toward him?!
Kevin immediately knew what he had to do.
He had seen enough brainrot on TikTok to know what could easily stop them from coming up the stairs. So he ran around the rooms, grabbing a few large glass jars and filling them with beads, LEGOs, and slime. He had seen countless ASMR videos about people rolling the jars down the stairs and watching them break open and spilling their contents everywhere. He never thought about how long it took to clean up, though.
So with a triumphant yell, he set up the jars at the top of the stairs and rolled them down one by one. After a few bumps, they gained speed before shattering, and the animatronics slipped on the beads and all tumbled in a heap at the bottom of the stairs.
"Yeah! Take that!" Kevin fist-pumped, before sliding down the banister so he wouldn't slip himself. Once he got to the bottom, he ran past the animatronics and into another room, where his parents kept the security camera system they finally ended up getting a few years ago. After setting up another trap, he closed the door and locked himself inside.
Now he finally had time to think as he sat down in the desk chair and booted up the PC. He navigated to the security cameras and watched as the animatronics slowly got up and meandered toward the security office. Then he realized, these computers took a toll on the house's power supply, which was why his parents didn't use them much. They were simply too powerful. Furthermore, they couldn't be upgraded to show more than one camera angle at the same time… or rather, his dad refused to upgrade it because he wanted to see the whole angle in full screen.
He knew these animatronics – Freddy, Chica, Bonnie, and Foxy. He watched them all perform at his brother's birthday party last night. They were pretty cool, if a little creepy. It was kind of like a local alternative to Chuck E Cheese's, but it was not without its controversies.
For whatever reason, kids kept dying in there, and the cops had to shut the place down multiple times over the years. There was a particularly gruesome incident sometime in the 80s. But somehow the place was still thriving and was popular among kids and grown-ups alike.
He remembered hearing somebody in the staff only area removing his animatronic costume – it was so lifelike he didn't even realize it was a costume. It was probably the animatronic he had come to know as Springtrap. He heard him saying something about covering up for his recent crimes and everyone being none the wiser. He swore his voice sounded like the late William Afton, but he couldn't tell anyone about it because it was time to go.
Suddenly he heard a snap from outside, and his heart jumped. Switching to the right camera angle, he watched Freddy trip over the tripwire he had set up. That fired a Nerf gun straight at Bonnie, who flinched and tumbled backward into a table, which spilled slime and glue all over the floor, trapping everyone but Foxy. Foxy stepped out of the way, only to step on a pile of mousetraps and sending him falling onto the floor into the middle of the pool of glue.
Kevin laughed; his elaborate plan worked exactly as planned.
Suddenly the lights flickered and went out. The computer shorted out the power grid. His heart beat just a little faster, but he wasn't scared… yet. The glue did its job.
He was just about to step out of the security office to call 911 when he suddenly heard the sound of Carmen's Bizet playing from seemingly nowhere, accompanied with glowing eyes from the corner of the room.
"I-Is that you, Freddy?" he asked. "How did you get out of the glue? You should be good and stuck– AAAAHHH!"
He was suddenly jumpscared by Bonnie, who jumped out of the vent at him. He tried to get up, but he froze when he heard the sound of the lock being picked outside. And when the door opened, he stared in shock at the sight of none other than…
"William Afton?!" he exclaimed.
"That's right, dear boy," Afton said as he stepped into the dark room.
"B-But you're supposed to be dead! I saw the news, you got springlocked inside your own suit!"
"Don't remind me of those days… I was young and foolish. I just happened to put on the wrong suit is all. No, why would I lock myself in a death trap like that? No, I'm very much alive and well. I always come back. All the fans love me after all."
"What fans? You're a serial killer!"
"Don't you know a fourth wall break when you hear it?" He shook his head. "Never mind. You know too much, Kevin McAllister. You figured out I was the man behind the slaughter. Oh, don't play dumb. I saw the security footage of you standing outside the staff only area with your ear to the door as I took off my new-and-improved Springtrap suit. I can't let this little secret out, now can I?"
"No, but I will!" declared Kevin as he bolted past Afton and ran out of the security office.
"Get back here!" called Afton as he raced after Kevin.
"Wait a minute…!" Kevin realized as he ran around the puddle of slime and clue on the floor. "How did Freddy and Bonnie get in there! They were stuck in the glue!"
"You weren't watching the cameras, dear boy!" Afton declared, jumping over the glue in a single leap.
Kevin wasted no time scrambling for the front door, which had still been broken off its hinges by the four animatronics. He raced outside, waiting for Afton to follow him out. Fortunately, he had learned from his many years of being home alone to set up a bunch of his booby traps in advance, so this was how he knew to pull the cord to release a snowdrift that fell on William Afton's head.
As Afton muttered in annoyance, Kevin ran back up the stairs, making sure to not slip on any of the beads, before running into his room and slamming the door. He then quickly called 911.
As he relayed the situation to the dispatcher, he could hear William Afton cursing up a storm downstairs because of all the booby traps he kept accidentally triggering. Kevin had to ignore all the snaps, bangs, and pops he was hearing.
As he stayed on the phone and barricaded himself in the room, he started reconsidering his trip to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. He knew about the Bite of '87, but he would rather not have a repeat of that. Besides, the Bite of '25 didn't quite have the same ring to it.
"I will get up those stairs, do you hear me, boy?!" he heard him shouting. "I have to fulfill my role of being the Man Behind the Slaughter!"
"Hey, you know you're acting out of character?" Kevin called through the door, but he paused when he heard the approaching police sirens.
"And that's my cue to leave," Afton said as he turned around, and Kevin started hearing him walk away from the hall. "But I'll be back. I always come back! And if I don't come back, your next visit to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza is on the hooooouuuse–"
It turned out he forgot about all the beads and LEGOs that were still littered all over the stairs, because Kevin heard several consecutive bumps from the other side of the door.
Afton stood up, only to freeze when several police officers swarmed around him.
"Freeze!"
"Get on the ground!"
"Put your hands behind your back, you're under arrest!"
The police snapped handcuffs on William Afton, before they rounded up Freddy, Chica, Bonnie, and Foxy and cuffed their wrists as well.
"We have you on charges for breaking and entering and reckless endangerment, as well as countless other crimes," one of the officers said. "Now come with us."
Kevin cautiously opened the door in time to see the officers escorting William Afton out the door and into the police car parked outside.
"Did you ever hear the Tragedy of the Purple Guy?" was the last thing Kevin heard from Afton before the car door closed.
"I'll admit, young man, I never thought we would actually arrest Mr. Afton," one of the police officers said after questioning Kevin. "He's either burned alive or stuck in a springtrap suit, but this?"
"I didn't know he was still alive!" admitted Kevin.
"Now, I'd like to talk to you about your constantly being left home alone, as well as all this reckless endangerment you're doing with all your– your booby traps," the officer said.
"Please, sir, I don't wanna give up making booby traps," Kevin admitted. "This is how I make money with pointless Home Alone sequels! Plus the FNAF 2 movie just came out, so if we have a fanfic crossover with FNAF, it would make a super cringey fanfic! And it's the first one ever posted on FFN!"
"It sure would," the officer said as he turned to go.
Kevin blinked. "What do you mean? That it's the first fanfic–"
"No, it's cringey," the officer said as he climbed into his police car.
"I know, right?" exclaimed William Afton from inside the police car. "Would you ever see me going this far out of my way to kill someone who knows too much? Yes, yes you would. But not like this! In fact, I'm not even supposed to be alive right now! I'm supposed to be long dead. Plus I'm wildly out of character! This is what happens when the author hasn't played any of the FNAF games or watched Home Alone!"
And with that, the police car drove away, finally putting an end to this cringe story.