Chapter Text
"Who's that?"
"Hm?" Jisung doesn't look up from his phone, where he's playing some dumb phone game he's been addicted to.
"The guy talking to your boyfriend. Who is he?"
Jisung follows Felix's line of sight to the bar, where Minho is chatting up the other bartender.
They're at a place called Haven Bar & Lounge, where he's been meeting Jisung twice a week under the guise of studying with him since the end of last semester.
That's what he tells his family, anyway. In reality, they rarely study unless Jisung actually needs it. Mostly they just hang out while Jisung makes googly eyes at his boyfriend.
He was kind of surprised the first time Jisung brought him here (who the hell studies at a bar?), but he had explained that he's really close with the security guys and the bartenders, so they'd be fine, and besides, anyone who shows up here to drink this early in the evenings probably has their own problems to worry about.
Felix really couldn't argue with that. Besides, he likes the atmosphere here, even though it's technically like a small nightclub. It's a really nice place, dim golden lighting all around the bar that morphs into pinks and purples and blues towards the tables and booths and dancefloor.
It's Thursday, not even 6 yet, so the place is pretty empty, but Felix knows it'll get busy as hell as it gets later. It's always quiet at this time except for the pop music playing in the background.
In all the times they've met up here, Felix has never seen the guy who's currently working the bar with Minho.
"Oh," Jisung says. "That's Chan-hyung! He's Lino-hyung's roommate."
"Oh…" Felix distractedly chews the straw in his soda, trying not to stare too obviously at him. "Is he new here or something? I've never seen him here before." It's always been Minho and two really nice girls whose names Felix doesn't quite remember.
And Felix would definitely remember a guy like that. He's—well. Heat blooms in his cheeks. He's grateful for the dim lighting in their little corner.
Hot, is the first word he thinks, adamantly trying to ignore the scornful voice in the back of his mind that sounds a lot like his stepfather. He swallows his guilt and tilts his head down, sneakily observing the guy from under his bangs.
He must work out; his shoulders are so broad, biceps straining against the white dress shirt he's wearing. The top two buttons are undone, showing off his collarbones and just a hint of his defined chest, and his sleeves are rolled up his forearms. As he leans on the bar top, animatedly talking to Minho, strands of his dark hair flop into his face, dangling earrings glinting in the low light.
He smiles and laughs loud at something Minho says, head tilted back to show off the long line of his throat.
Felix's mouth goes shamefully dry. God, he's unbelievably hot. Like, bad boy, romance-novel hot. When Felix looks back to Jisung, he's smiling knowingly at him. He flushes darker at being caught.
"He just came back from visiting his family back home," Jisung explains. "I've known him for a lot longer than I've known Minho, actually. You wanna meet him?" He waggles his eyebrows.
"Wh—no! I was just curious, is all."
"Mmhm." Jisung smiles mischievously. "He's from Australia, too, y'know," he says smugly, eyebrows quirking up again.
"What, really?"
"Mhm. He moved here when he was young."
Felix glances at Chan again, watching the animated way in which he talks. He contemplates for a few long moments, gaze going unfocused.
Someone from home… it sounds nice. He's missed Australia so much. They only moved to Korea for a job opportunity for his mum about a year and a half ago.
The change was sudden and difficult. Even though he already knew a good deal of the language, adjusting to Korea's customs and formalities was, and sometimes still is, a struggle. And that's not even taking into account his family issues.
Having a friend from the same place he grew up, someone who understands the shock of cultural differences and intricacies, would be really good for him, probably.
But Chan—he's clearly older, and ridiculously hot. Why would he even want to be friends with a kid like Felix to begin with? The answer is: he wouldn't.
Felix lets out a long, wistful sigh. Jisung has thankfully been distracted by his phone again while he'd gotten lost in his thoughts. He takes a deep breath to refocus, then flicks Jisung in the head.
"Alright, c'mon." Felix tugs Jisung's phone out of his hand. "Let me help you through this review for real this time. You need it."
They get back to Jisung's notes, but Felix's mind keeps drifting back to Chan. He fights the urge to let his eyes do the same.
They pack up around 7, long before any rowdy mid-week party-seekers start filing in.
Felix waits at the edge of the bar while Jisung sneaks in a goodbye kiss to Minho. He'd been nervous coming closer, not wanting to attract Chan's attention, but thankfully the man has been busy tending to patrons.
He rolls his eyes as Minho and Jisung flirt very blatantly, garnering the attention of a pretty woman not far down the bar from them. She's glaring pointedly at Jisung, a look of disgust on her face.
Felix wonders if she's homophobic or jealous, or maybe both. As Jisung finally bids farewell to his boyfriend with a little wave of his fingers, the woman rolls her eyes and turns her attention to Minho, a sickeningly sweet smile stretching her red lips as she calls him over.
Ah. Jealous, at the very least.
Felix holds back a snort. Minho is very much not into women at all. Felix can tell and he's only truly spoken with him maybe four times. But Felix is also very gay, so maybe it's just a takes one to know one kind of thing. Minho is also just not into anyone who isn't Jisung, so.
Felix turns his attention away from the bitter woman only to meet Chan's eyes.
The man smiles charmingly at him from his spot a few feet down the bar, flashing unfairly cute dimples.
Felix hopes he doesn't look too much like a deer in headlights when he shyly smiles back. As he and Jisung leave, he decides he must have imagined Chan giving him a once over. There's no way.
Felix greets his mum when he gets home and heads to his room to drop his stuff off. He flops face-first onto his bed and lets out a long sigh.
He's still thinking about Chan, about how nice his smile was when he'd looked at Felix. He wishes—
No. It could never happen. His mum and and stepfather would kill him. Or, less dramatically and more realistically, they would kick him out, and he has nowhere to run if that happens.
He's quiet at dinner, only speaking when spoken to. His parents don't even ask, and he doesn't tell. He'll be out soon. He's been trying to save up to get out as soon as he can. He has to.
"He asked about you, you know." Jisung tells him the next week. They're at a table closer to the bar today, flicking balled up napkins at makeshift goals made from their hands.
Felix jolts guiltly from where he'd been sneaking looks at Chan again. "Huh?"
Today he's in a tight black tee that hugs all his muscles really nicely. It's terribly distracting.
"Channie-hyung. He asked Minho about you last week."
"Oh," Felix says dumbly. "Um, really?"
Jisung smirks. "Mmhm. He wanted to know who my cute friend was."
Felix feels his ears go hot. He fiddles with his glass of soda, fingertips swirling through the condensation as he glares at Jisung. "He did not."
"Oh, he did." Jisung's smile goes smug. "He said 'who's that really cute guy Hannie was with yesterday?'"
Felix hides his face in his hands with a small embarrassed noise.
"I'm serious! He thinks you're cute. And when I told him where you're from, he totally got excited. I think he really wants to get to know you."
Felix's eyes him skeptically. After a few seconds he sighs, shaking his head. "That… can't happen, Hannie."
Jisung frowns. "Why not? I know you're into guys, and so is he. And I'm not blind; Channie-hyung is really hot."
Felix watches as a couple stumbles in, huddled close to combat the mid-March wind. "My parents… they're not…" He sighs again, shaking his head. When he meets Jisung's eyes, he just looks sad. "It just can't happen, all right?"
Jisung looks like he wants to argue, but he nods. He doesn't mention anything about it again.
Felix keeps his eyes resolutely away from the bar for the rest of the evening.
Later that week Jisung invites him to a party at Minho and Chan's place on the following Saturday. Felix wants to go, he really does, but there are multiple obstacles keeping him from it.
"What am I supposed to tell my parents?"
Jisung shrugs. "Tell them you're staying over with me to study for an exam."
Well, that would probably work. His classes are only on Mondays and Fridays, and as long as he gets home early enough for church on Sunday morning it should be okay. But—
"I don't even have anything to wear to a party, though." He looks down at his simple cardigan and jeans. Even his shoes are plain.
"Oh, we can fix that! I know who to call."
The who ends up being someone from Jisung and Minho's circle, a tall, pretty guy Felix has seen in some of Jisung's and Minho's Instagram pics. He's pretty sure he's in Minho's dance class.
"Felix, this is Hyunjin. Hyunjin, Felix," Jisung introduces them early that Saturday evening. They're in Jisung's home, digging through his closet for things to wear.
Felix smiles at Hyunjin, a little in awe. He's sort of ethereally pretty, his dark silky hair falling perfectly to just under his jaw. He's wearing baggy jeans with a snug sleeveless shirt that shows off his slim figure. He's also wearing a lot of jewelry—rings on nearly every finger, two chain necklaces, and his ears have multiple piercings on each side.
Felix wishes he could be even half as stylish.
He thinks he should be intimidated, but Hyunjin turns out to be sweet and a little timid, temperament as delicate as his beauty. He thinks they could easily become good friends.
Jisung starts tossing various shirts and pants onto his bed for Hyunjin to go through. Felix stands in the middle of the room and waits for his fate to be decided.
They make him try on multiple combinations of outfits, varying from gothy mesh to a bubblegum pink sweater that ends just below his sternum.
"I-isn't this too much?" He asks, standing there in a cropped tee and tight jean shorts that barely make it to his mid-thigh. He's got on sheer tights under those and platform sneakers that give him an extra two inches of height.
He's never worn anything like this before, the pale skin of his lean stomach showing. He likes the way he looks and feels in it, he really does, but he's terrified to wear it. It's more skin than he's ever shown while still being fully clothed. He can already feel his stepfather's disappointment haunting him from here.
"Hmm. Maybe you're right," Jisung says.
"If you're not comfortable, maybe we should go with something that shows off a little less," Hyunjin nods his agreement, walking a circle around Felix with his hands on his hips in thought.
In the end, they settle for a cute, loose baby blue sweater (thankfully normal length this time) tucked into the front of tight, light-colored jeans. He keeps the platform sneakers, though.
Hyunjin sits him down on Jisung's bed and does his makeup, a shimmery silver on his eyes and a subtle pink gloss on his lips. He styles Felix's dark hair a little, enough to have his bangs fall across his forehead artfully. He finishes off the look with a simple necklace with a little sun on it to go with his usual gold cross, and a delicate ring on each hand.
Felix stands in front of the mirror and for the first time ever, he feels like Felix. He feels pretty, and cute, and nothing at all like how he feels when he wears stuffy dress shirts or polos, or slacks and dress shoes.
He squashes down the voice in the back of his head trying to tell him this isn't right, that he's not right for feeling like this, and smiles at Hyunjin and Jisung's reflections in the mirror. He gives them a thumbs up.
As expected of a college party, it's packed as all hell when they arrive in Hyunjin's car. The house itself is far enough away from any neighbors that noise complaints clearly aren't an issue; they can hear the music as soon as they step out of the car.
Felix stares up at the two story house, looming dauntingly ahead. He wonders how the hell two university students can even afford a place like this. When he asks, Jisung just laughs.
"Channie graduated a few years ago, actually. He grew up here but now his parents rent it out to him. And then he offered a room to Minho so they could split rent."
A few years ago? How old is Chan, then?
There are a few little groups of people scattered around the yard drinking and laughing. Some are definitely smoking weed. The front door is already cracked open, so they venture inside.
The place is really nice, spacious but cozy. Under normal circumstances Felix has no doubt it's bright and beautiful, but at the moment it's dark except for colorful flashing lights everywhere. They pulse in time with the bass-heavy music, which gets even louder the further into the house they go.
Felix had been feeling okay all afternoon, mentally psyching himself up for what would be his first ever real party. Now, though, as he takes in the sheer number of people here, bodies pressed together as they dance with drinks in hand, or separated into little groups to gossip, he starts sweating nervously.
His parents would kill him if they ever found out he was here.
It doesn't help that he knows Chan will obviously be here. It's his house, after all. Felix hasn't been able to stop thinking about him since Monday.
He asked about you.
Jisung's words have been floating around in his head all week. He wonders if Chan has mentioned him again since then.
The trio makes their way to the living room in search of Minho. Who they find instead makes Felix's heart rate kick up.
Chan is there, bright smile on his face as he makes the rounds, chatting up all the partygoers. He exudes charisma and charm as he socializes with everyone.
Felix wonders if he really knows all these people personally.
Thankfully, before Chan can spot them Jisung is linking arms with Hyunjin and Felix both to drag them off. "C'mon! I bet hyung is stuck making drinks again."
They do in fact find Minho at the island in the kitchen, surrounded by an impressive spread of liquors and mixers.
He's talking with a guy Felix vaguely recognizes as one of the security guards from the lounge. He's only seen him there maybe twice, on the evenings they'd stayed past 7, but he's never met him properly.
"Changbinnie-hyung!" Jisung practically screeches as he jumps on the man's back.
"Yah! Get off, you little squirrel!" the man yelps, stumbling, but he looks amused.
"Behave, Han-ah." Minho rolls his eyes fondly as he removes Jisung from Changbin. He greets Felix and Hyunjin with small nods.
"Changbinnie, these are my friends Felix and Hyunjin," Jisung introduces, pointing at each of them in turn.
Changbin greets them kindly, eyes lingering on Hyunjin before he turns to Felix, looking him up and down. "So you're the one Channie-hyung hasn't stopped talking about, huh?"
Felix flushes dark, eyes wide. "Uh."
Jisung snorts. "Don't let hyung hear you, he'll get all mopey and embarrassed again."
Felix is so lost. Chan's been talking about him to his friends? He looks to Jisung for help but the asshole only winks at him, looking annoyingly smug. His face basically screams I told you so.
Luckily for Felix, Changbin saves him from his embarrassment. "Sooo, Hyunjin-ah." He tilts his head towards the living room where the music is loudest. "You wanna dance?" He bats his eyelashes, ridiculous and over-the-top. It shouldn't work on anyone, let alone someone as princely as Hyunjin. But—
Hyunjin laughs, shyly fidgeting with his rings. "Uh, sure? But do not step on me."
"I would never!" Changbin feigns offense, hand to his chest dramatically. He bows and holds his hand out for Hyunjin like he really is a prince.
Well, Felix thinks, watching as Hyunjin giggles and takes Changbin's hand, disappearing around the corner with him. That's an odd pair.
"Do you want a drink, Lix-ah?"
Felix turns back to find Minho looking at him in question, wiggling a bottle of liquor in his hand. "Uh, sure. Just—something that doesn't taste awful, please."
He's never actually had alcohol before, unless you count a small amount of champagne at his cousin's wedding last year, but he's not about to tell anyone else that.
"Something tropical, maybe?"
Felix nods in the affirmative and then gets wrangled into taking a couple of frankly disgusting shots of vodka with Jising. They burn all the way down into his gut; he has to fight not to cough.
He's grateful when Minho hands him his mixed drink, hoping it will wash down the burn of the shots. When he peeks into the cup it looks like orange juice.
"Basic Tequila Sunrise." Minho shrugs when Felix looks questioningly at him.
Felix tastes it and likes it more than he expects, even with the burn of the liquor. Truthfully, anything tastes better when compared with the vodka. He smiles and gives a thumbs up in thanks.
He sips idly and ignores Jisung and Minho flirting two feet from him, looking out of the kitchen doorway towards the living room. He can only see part of the room, but it's enough. It's gotten more packed since they arrived, bodies pressed so close you can hardly tell where one begins and another ends.
He wants to know what it's like to be out there, but he's never danced anywhere except for in his own room, learning k-pop choreography behind a locked door when his parents weren't home. He's certainly never danced with someone, especially not the way a lot of the people here are dancing, if it can even be called that. It's sensual, and in some cases outright obscene. He feels like his face will catch fire if he watches for too long.
"Hey, Lixie." Jisung nudges him. "Come on, come dance with us." He links his arm through Felix's again, ready to drag him off.
"Uh, I—I don't know, Hannie, I don't really—"
"Nonsense! You were made to be a dancer. Hyung thinks so, too. Right?"
Minho nods his agreement as both he and Felix are pulled along into the living room. "Hannie says you wanted to be one growing up, yeah? You should join my class. We have openings. Hyunjinnie helps me teach, too."
Felix doesn't know how to tell him that he can't. "I'll uh, look into it, maybe," he concedes, even though he knows he won't.
Jisung urges Felix to down the last half of his drink as they make it to the horde. "It'll help!" He calls out over the loud music.
Felix is doubtful but he does as instructed anyway, grimacing as he hands his empty cup over to Jisung so he can set it on a side table.
"C'mon, baby! We'll teach you." He manages to shove his way through to the center of the crowd with both men in tow. He presses close all along Felix's front, throwing his arms over his shoulders. He's already rocking with the music.
Felix feels Minho come up behind him, hands settling as politely as the situation allows on his waist. He looks up at Jisung in panic, but he only smiles wide, using the leverage on his shoulders to move Felix's body along with the music.
Felix doesn't know where to put his own hands. They hover awkwardly in the tiny amount of space between his and Jisung's chests. His face feels so hot. What the hell is he doing here?
Jisung grabs Felix's wrists and leads them to his own shoulders, then moves his own hands to rest on top of Minho's on Felix's waist. He smiles encouragingly and leans close. "It's okay! Just move with us."
Minho's hot breath fans across his neck as he leans to speak into Felix's ear. "Close your eyes, Lix-ah. Feel the music. Move with it."
Felix shudders, but does as he's told. With a deep breath he closes his eyes, adjusting his arms to drape more comfortably over Jisung's shoulders. He focuses on the music, the feel of the bass thumping loud enough to rattle in his chest. He follows the sway of the hands on his body, moving his hips with them.
He starts to feel looser, more comfortable. He's not sure how much is the alcohol and how much is his friends guiding him without judgement, but before he knows it, he's actually laughing, head tilted back onto Minho's shoulder and arms circled around Jisung's neck.
His eyes open to find Jisung laughing too, happy and carefree as they all move together. His hands reach behind Felix to grab at Minho behind him, pulling him in to sandwich Felix in even tighter. Felix gasps quietly, pressed so tight between them that there's almost no room to move.
"You're a natural!" he says into Felix's ear.
Minho hums his agreement into Felix's shoulder, making him shudder again.
He wonders if he should feel awkward, pressed the way he is between two very attractive men who are in a romantic relationship with each other, but the alcohol has his head going a little fuzzy, and he cares less and less as time passes. They clearly don't care either.
They dance for several more songs before Felix begs off to the kitchen, leaving Minho and Jisung to dance together properly, which involves a lot of grinding and making out. Felix snorts as he escapes, shoving his way through all the people with only a few minor stumbles.
It's a lot easier to breathe in here. There's only one other person in there, topping off his cup with straight vodka. He pours what has to be half a cup of the stuff, then nods politely at Felix as he leaves. Gross.
Felix leans on the island, staring down at the variety of sodas and juices and liquors. He should probably drink water, but—when will he ever get the chance to do this again?
He picks up some sort of whiskey and looks it over. Twists the cap off and sniffs it, immediately grimacing. Ugh. No. He sets it down and picks up the next bottle, some sort of amber tequila.
"Hey."
Felix nearly jumps out of his skin at the voice coming from right next to him. He looks up to find the man who is somehow both his wet dream and worst nightmare combined standing there.
"Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you," Chan apologizes, rubbing at the back of his neck. "Just wanted to make sure you're all right. You're staring at that bottle like it holds all the secrets to the universe."
His voice is so nice. And he looks so nice, too. He's wearing a plain black tee and black jeans with thick combat boots. His dark hair is a little wavy where it peaks out of a beanie. He's so hot Felix kind of wants to cry.
"Um. You're Hannie's friend, yeah? From the lounge?"
Felix's brain finally kicks into gear. Mortifyingly he realizes he's just been standing there looking Chan over like a weirdo while Chan tries to engage him in conversation.
"Uh, y-yeah. Sorry, um. I'm Felix." He smiles politely, if a little awkwardly.
"Pretty name for a pretty boy," Chan murmurs almost to himself, ears quickly going pink. It sends Felix's stomach fluttering. "I'm Chan. Or, um. Chris, if you'd like."
"Chris?"
"Mm, it's my western name. But no one really calls me that, except my mum, and um. Well. No one, really."
Felix hums. "I like it."
"Y-yeah? Um." Chan glances away shyly. It's terribly endearing. "So, uh. Hannie mentioned you're from Australia? Is that true?" he asks.
"Oh, uh. Yeah. Sydney."
"No way!" he says excitedly in English. "Me too."
God, it's so nice to hear that accent from someone not his own family.
Felix smiles, big and genuine. "Small world."
'Yeah," Chan says, rocking back on his heels. "Like—like fate or something." He laughs a little, ears going pinker. His eyes flit down to where Felix is still clutching the tequila. "Would you like me to, um. Make you a drink?" Chan nervously offers. "I mean, since I know what I'm doing and all—n-not that you don't! But. Uh."
Felix is kind of baffled. What the hell, he thinks. Who allowed him to be both hot AND cute?
He contemplates the spread in front of him. Chan wasn't wrong, he doesn't know what he's doing. So he glances up and gives him a relieved smile. "Please."
"Cool," Chan says, moving to stand next to Felix. "Great, um. What do you usually like?"
Felix spares another glance at the wide variety of drinks in front of him. When he looks up again, Chan is a lot closer than he realized. "Uh. I, I don't—really drink? So I don't… know?" he stutters out, cheeks warm. "But, um. I like sweet things?"
"Hmm." Chan gives him a wide smile. "I've got an idea, if you like coconut?" He leans down to open up a cabinet under the counter they're leaning on.
Felix nods enthusiastically. "Love it, actually."
"Yeah? Me too, it's why this is one of my favorites." When he stands, it's with a stainless steel shaker in hand.
Felix watches in fascination as Chan sets about mixing his drink, quick and efficient. He tries (and most definitely fails) not to stare at the way his biceps flex as he shakes the drink over his shoulder.
When he's done he pours it into a glass, not one of the plastic cups that everyone else has been using all night, and sets it in front of him.
"Coquito," he says, nudging it towards Felix with his knuckle. "Coconut cream, rum, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Normally I'd garnish it with a cinnamon stick, but I don't really keep all the fancy stuff here."
Felix picks up the glass and takes a hesitant sip, eyes locked with Chan's. It's so good, creamy and sweet, and he can barely taste the rum. "Oh." He takes another sip, eyes closing as he lets out a tiny pleased moan. "This is really good."
Chan's cheeks go a little pink as he shyly rubs at his neck again. His eyes haven't left Felix's face. "Y-yeah? Glad you like it. It's one of my favorite things to make during the holiday season."
"Mm, I can see why. It's very um, cozy? Or like, home-y." He laughs. "Does that make any sense?"
Chan smiles wide, delighted. "Yeah! Yeah, I get you."
They stand in silence for a few moments. Felix sips slowly while Chan pretends not to watch him, and it's maybe a little awkward, but they're both hiding shy smiles.
Chan glances out of the glass sliding door on the other side of the kitchen before turning his gaze back to Felix. "Hey, um. I was wondering—"
There's a loud crash from somewhere in the vague direction of the living room.
"Shit," Chan sighs. "I'll, um. I'll be right back?"
Felix gives a sympathetic little grimace, glancing towards the doorway. "Good luck with whatever that was."
"Yeah, I'll just—" He throws a thumb over his shoulder, looking like he doesn't want to leave at all. He hesitates for a long second. "Um, be right back."
And then he's gone, leaving Felix alone with his dangerously tasty drink, and his equally dangerous thoughts.
He sits on a chair at the little bar and thinks about Chan, about how nice he is, about how it's unbearably endearing the way he somehow exudes confidence when he subtly flirts with Felix but gets shy so quick right after.
He sighs wistfully, resting his chin on his hand as he waits for Chan to return. Truthfully, he should probably go find his friends, so he pulls his phone out.
He has an unread message from Jisung, letting him know that he's gone up to Minho's room. Ugh. He rolls his eyes and pulls up a game, getting lost in it for several minutes. It's when he goes to take a sip of his drink next that he realizes it's empty.
Well. He figures that's his cue to get back out there and maybe try to find Hyunjin, at least. When he stands up the room tilts just a little.
Oh. He giggles, leaning on the counter.
The two drinks on top of the two shots seem to be hitting a little harder than he expected. Figures he's a lightweight; this is his first time drinking properly.
He walks the short distance to the sink to rinse his glass out, only a little wobbly. When he sets it down and turns, there's a man he doesn't know watching him from the entrance to the kitchen, arms crossed as he leans on the doorframe.
"You all right?" the guy asks, smile crooked as he eyes Felix up and down. He's kind of plain-looking, and tall, with short hair and sharp eyes that seem to pierce straight into him as they look him up and down.
"Oh, um. Yes, yeah." He feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He's not sure why, but this guy kind of gives him the creeps. He gestures towards the sink with his thumb. "Just, uh. Cleaning up a little?"
The man hums, moving from his spot in the doorway to saunter closer. "Cute," he says, coming to a stop at the island, where he leans back against it across from Felix.
They're only a few feet apart. Felix is growing more uncomfortable by the second. Something about this guy makes him want to run.
"What's your name, cutie?" the guy croons, leery little smirk still on his face.
"Um, I-I don't think," Felix stutters, trying to edge his way around the man. "Listen—I um, I need to go find my friend, he was looking for me."
"Hold on a minute," the man drawls, throwing his arm out to block Felix's path. "No need to hurry off. I'd love it if you kept me company, talked with me for a bit. Your voice is really sexy."
Felix flushes up to his ears, not sure if he should be flattered or scared. "I, um."
The man curls his fingers around Felix's bicep and tugs, causing him to stumble closer. "Come on, sweet thing. I don't bite. Unless you want me to, of course." He arches a cocky eyebrow.
Felix thinks he might throw up, panic rising in his throat. He glances to the doorway and relief floods him.
Chan stands at the threshold, guarded eyes flitting between Felix and the creep, eyeing the way there's barely two feet between them. The man still has a grip on Felix's arm, tight and nearly painful, now.
Felix stares wide-eyed at Chan, silently begging him to understand. It's not what it looks like. Please help.
Chan meets Felix's eyes, taking in his terrified expression. Understanding dawns on his face, and then he looks angry.
"Sungwoo." His voice is forced casual, face void of any emotion, but his eyes hold fire.
The man jolts a little, turning to meet Chan's glare. He drops Felix's arm like he's been burned. "Hey, Chan. Was just helping, uh," he turns to Felix, presumably expecting Felix to give him his name. He doesn't. "Um, helping this cute little thing out. He's a little drunk, you know?"
Cute little thing? Felix shudders, face twisting in disgust. Hearing him call Felix that really does make him nauseous. He hugs his arms around himself.
"I'll take it from here," Chan says, and his tone brooks no argument.
Sungwoo may be taller than Chan, but he seems properly cowed, accepting the dismissal. He glances at Felix one more time on his way past.
His gaze feels like slime on Felix's skin. He frowns as the man retreats.
"Hey," Chan says, voice gentle again as he approaches Felix. "You all right?" His brows are furrowed as he looks Felix over, like he's checking for injuries.
Felix looks at him and nods, giving him a small smile. He feels infinitely better with Chan here now.
"Sorry I left you for so long. Someone shattered a vase and I had to clean it up, but people weren't wanting to move out of the way, and." He shrugs a shoulder, plush lips pressing out in a little pout when he frowns. Cute.
"It's okay," Felix assures. "I was, um, enjoying my drink, and then that guy came, and…" He gestures vaguely, grimacing.
Chan huffs, annoyance clear. "He's a creep. This isn't the first time I've caught him hitting on drunk, vulnerable people. Seems to be the only way he can get any attention, really."
Felix giggles, causing Chan to smile in surprise, dimples on display.
"You, um. You have really nice laugh, you know," he says, and then seems to panic a little. "I mean—shit, I literally just bitched about a creep flirting with drunk people and here I am flirting with you, and you're drunk, oh my god." He hides his suddenly red face in his hands, a muffled apology falling from his lips.
Felix giggles again, leaning into the counter next to him. "It's okay, it's um—I think I like it when it's you flirting with me," he says, then immediately flushes pink himself. God, where the hell has his brain-to-mouth filter gone? Yippee, alcohol.
Chan peeks out from between his fingers. "Y-yeah?" He drops his hands slowly. "I just, don't wanna like. Weird you out or something." He tucks his hands into his jeans pockets and rocks back on his heels.
Felix smiles sweetly, biting his lip. "Um, yeah. It's. It's nice when you do it? I, um. I don't know." He glances away shyly, before meeting Chan's eyes again. "I kinda feel like I've known you a lot longer than just tonight. Is… is that weird?"
Chan huffs out a surprised little laugh. "No! No, that's—I feel the same."
Felix looks down at his shoes, tying to hide his smile behind his hair.
After a few long moments, Chan clears his throat, drawing Felix's attention back to him.
"Would you, um." He tilts his head towards to glass door to the backyard. "Do you wanna maybe go sit outside with me? Talk where it's quieter?"
Felix can't think of anything that sounds better in that moment. "Yeah, please. I could use some fresh air." He pushes off from the counter.
Chan's hands leave his pockets to usher Felix to the back door, opening it and holding his arm through for him to go first. Chan's arm rests politely against the middle of his back so he won't stumble as he walks them to an unlit brick firepit surrounded by cozy chairs, and sets about lighting it while Felix sits.
He sinks into the cushions, sighing as he tilts his head back, only a little dizzy.
It's much easier to think out here, fresh air already clearing his head. The music is still audible but not enough to drown anything out. It's nice. Now that he thinks about it—
"Why isn't anyone out here?"
Chan spares him a quick glance over his shoulder as he gets the flame going, poking and prodding at the pile of wood with a stick. He huffs mirthlessly, grimacing. "We don't allow anyone back here anymore. Last year people got too rowdy and, well. Needless to say, the fire department was here."
Felix can't help the giggle he lets out. "Wow. I've never been to a party before tonight, but um. That sounds pretty stereotypical."
Chan's head swivels back to look at him from his crouch next to the pit. "Wh—never?"
Felix smiles and shakes his head. "No. No, my mum and stepfather are really strict, um. He's a youth pastor, so uh. I'm not really… supposed to come to things like this." He shrugs a little, staring up at the stars. They're actually fairly visible out here.
"That's… kinda shitty," Chan frowns as he takes the chair next to Felix, leaning his head against the back cushion to look at the stars, too. "But I guess I get it. Grades are important. My parents were kinda strict while I was in school, too."
Felix tilts his head to the side to look at him. The flickering flames accentuate his handsome side profile, all sharp lines and plush lips. The way his hair curls is cute, too. His eyes drift down to where Chan's thighs are spread wide, lazy and comfortable. He blushes as he looks away, grateful that there's only the amber glow of the fire out here.
"Mm, I guess so," he eventually says, quiet and contemplative. "Since I met Hannie last semester, he's kind of pulled me out from under their foot. He made me realize… there's a lot that I thought was wrong that… isn't." He hopes Chan can infer what he means by that.
Chan chuckles. "He's good at that. I've known him since he was sixteen, and he's always been kind of wild, but he's a good kid." His smile goes crooked as he leans towards Felix like he's telling a secret. "Remind me some day and I'll show you his awkward teenage photos."
Felix cackles. "Please! I need proof he wasn't always cool."
"Oh, he definitely wasn't," Chan snorts. "Used to think he was real gangster. It was so hard to take him seriously with his cute little puffy cheeks though."
They both devolve into giggles.
"So, no parties before tonight, huh?" Chan asks after a while.
Felix shakes his head, smiling mirthlessly. "No, and if my parents find out I'm here I'm as good as disowned, I'm sure." He looks over at Chan again, smile turning more genuine. "But I'm glad I came. It's been an experience, for sure."
Chan's smile is wide and pretty, showing off his dimples again. "Well. I'm glad to be your first, then," he murmurs, eyes flitting to Felix's lips then back up.
Felix's eyes go wide, face warming even though there's no way Chan could have possibly meant it that way.
Chan's eyes go big, too, as he must also realize how that sounded, ears going dark enough to tell even in the flame-light. "F-first party, I mean!" he rushes to correct.
Felix lets out a shocked little giggle, and then he can't seem to stop.
Chan watches with wide eyes, and then he joins in, and soon they're both laughing themselves breathless.
When they finally calm down enough to breathe again, Felix has to wipe tear tracks off his face.
"Aw. Laughed all of Hyunjinnie's hard work away," he mourns, rubbing at his cheeks to make sure nothing has run.
Chan's watching him, looking over Felix's face. "You're—you're good. Pretty. Um. I mean you were already pretty, but."
Felix giggles shyly again, biting his lip.
Chan leans close, hand reaching out to hover between them. "Y-you have, um, an eyelash," he stammers. "Can I…?"
When Felix nods, Chan closes the distance, thumb gently running across his cheekbone. He's looking intently at Felix's cheeks, brows furrowed. "Oh. You, um. You have freckles."
Felix blushes, glancing away. Chan's hand falls. "Oh, uh, yeah. I spent a lot of time at the beach growing up." He fidgets with the rings Hyunjin put on his fingers, shrugging a shoulder. "I usually try to cover them up. Kids used to make fun of them a lot."
"No, you shouldn't cover them up," Chan says adamantly, making Felix look back to him in surprise. "I think they make you look unique."
"In… in a good way?" Felix asks, hopeful.
Chan smiles, something soft and almost tender. "Yeah. They're really pretty. I like them."
Felix tilts his head down to hide his warm face behind his hair, smiling shyly. "Um, thanks."
"Here," Chan says after a moment, holding his hand out. The eyelash still sits on the pad of his thumb. "Make a wish."
Felix holds his gaze for a few long seconds, thinking, until he settles on what he wants. His small fingers curl around Chan's wrist as he leans close, blowing gently to set the lash floating away. He gives a small smile, which Chan returns. They're still leaning close, only a foot between their noses.
"What did you wish for?" Chan asks him, voice quiet.
"Can't tell you," Felix whispers back, eyes dropping to Chan's mouth. "Or it won't come true." He watches Chan's adam's apple bob. He wants so, so bad for Chan to kiss him.
It looks like Chan might want the same thing.
"Felix," he murmurs, breath fanning hot across his lips.
Felix tips his head forward, eyes going half lidded. Is this it? Is he really about to have his first kiss with an extremely hot guy at his first ever party?
"Lixieeee!"
Apparently not.
They both jerk back, heads swiveling to find Jisung and Minho at the threshold to the house. He looks dopey and half-drunk still, hanging off his boyfriend's arm. His hair is definitely messier than when they arrived, and Minho's shirt is half unbuttoned, pink marks visible across his chest.
Felix sighs internally, a little jealous. He can't even get his first kiss. He loves Jisung, he does, but his timing sucks.
He puts on his most convincing smile, standing and stretching. He can see Chan watching him in his peripheral, eyeing the sliver of his belly that shows as his arms raise.
"Hey, Hannie. Are you um, done?" He coughs awkwardly, looking to Minho, who snorts.
"Binnie took Hyunjinnie home in his car, so I'll drive you both back to Hannie's house." He raises his own brow, gaze bouncing between Chan and Felix, calculating. "Are you ready to go, Lix-ah?"
Felix turns back toward Chan. He really doesn't want to, but it's probably for the best.
Chan stands abruptly and gives Felix a soft smile. "C'mon. I'll walk you guys out."
Minho leads the way with Jisung still clinging to his elbow.
Chan keeps Felix close as they shove their way to the front door, arm secure across his lower back as they push through the horde of people. It makes him feel safe, cared for and protected, even having only known Chan for all of a couple of hours.
They make it to the front yard, only narrowly avoiding a girl stumbling to vomit into the bushes.
Chan's hand darts up to Felix's shoulder, tugging him out of the way just in time. He sighs, rubbing at his temple with the other hand. "Every time," he mutters.
Felix snorts, nose pressing into Chan's shoulder where they're still pressed close.
Felix turns to him as they get to Minho's car, parked directly in front along the sidewalk. He opens the back door as Minho and Jisung climb into the front seats, but he leans against the car instead of getting in. He bites his lip, eyes darting away in embarrassment. "Hey, um. I didn't say it before, but thanks. For, uh. Earlier. With that—that guy. I didn't know what to do."
Chan smiles. "You're welcome." He rubs the back of his neck. "I'd say any time, but I don't really want you to get hit on by other guys." His eyes go wide again. "I-I mean, like. Creepy guys. Of course you're allowed to get hit on by other guys, in general. I mean, why wouldn't you, you're like. So pretty, and really sweet and—"
In a burst of confidence, no doubt fueled by the alcohol still in his system, Felix leans up on his toes and kisses him on the cheek, halting his rambling. When he rocks back on his heels to look at Chan, cheeks pink in the moonlight, he can't help his little laugh.
Chan looks dumbfounded, eyes wide and mouth parted in shock. "Uh. What, um. What—"
"Goodnight, Chan-hyung," Felix says quietly, giving him one last shy smile before ducking into the back of Minho's car. He scrubs at his warm face. He can't believe he just did that.
It's dead silent as he gets settled. He just knows—
He sighs and looks up, ready to meet his fate. Jisung is twisted awkwardly in his seat to stare at him from between the front seats with the biggest shit-eating grin Felix has ever seen on him, and that's saying a lot. Minho is smirking when Felix glances at him in the rear-view mirror, but he's thankfully not looking at him. Small mercies.
"Do not even say anything," Felix threatens, glaring at Jisung.
Jisung mimes zipping his mouth shut, turning back to face the front.
Felix only gets a few minutes of time to think while Minho and Jisung sing along to the radio, before Jisung, of course, can't keep his promise.
"So," he starts, turning the radio down.
"No," Felix grouses.
"Aw, come ooooon, Lixie. Spill, pleeeaaaase?"
"There's nothing to spill. We talked, he saved me from a creep, we talked some more." He stares out the window at the street lamps whizzing by. He wishes there was something to spill.
Jisung pouts. Before he can say anything, Minho cuts in.
"Y'know, Yongbokkie... I've never seen Chan-hyung so shy before," he says. "He's normally really confident."
Felix glances at him. But what does that even mean? Why is he different?
"I think he like, really likes you, Lixie," Jisung says, quiet and serious for once. "Listen, I've known hyung for almost four years, and he's never shown interest in someone the way he has with you."
Felix bites his lip as he takes that in, chewing the skin raw. When he meets Jisung's eyes again, he sighs. "It doesn't matter, Hannie. I told you—"
"That your parents are extremely religious, and strict, and they'd never allow it, blah blah." Jisung rolls his eyes, twisting in his seat to face Felix better. "Why should that matter? You're nearly twenty, Lix. Who gives a shit what they say? You're an adult."
Felix looks down at his hands, fidgeting with the rings Hyunjin put on his fingers. He wishes it could be that easy. Jisung is right, of course. He is an adult now. But his parents will absolutely kick him out if they find out he has some sort of boyfriend, and he'll have nowhere to go. His home, his classes, they'll all be gone faster than he can blink.
"Hannie… I can't. I don't have anywhere to run to. I can't afford a place on my own just yet, and I definitely can't afford to keep going to class without them."
Jisung frowns, then glances at Minho. "I mean. Chan-hyung's place is a four bedroom. I'm sure he and Lino-hyung wouldn't mind—"
"Wh—no! I couldn't ask them to do that, that's just—inconsiderate, and—"
"Okay, okay." Jisung can see that Felix is starting to spiral. "I'm sorry, Lix. You're right. I just… want to help. You said you don't have anyone, but you do. You have us." He looks to Minho, who nods.
"He's right, Yongbok-ah. We're here for you, yes? Any time you need us. Okay?"
Felix looks between the two of them, blinking back sudden tears. "Yeah. Yeah, okay," he sniffles. "Thank you guys."
Jisung gives him an encouraging smile, before it turns conspiratorial. "Y'know. You could just secretly see Chan-hyung. As long as you're careful—"
"Han Jisung," Minho scolds, eyebrow quirking at his boyfriend in amusement.
"What? I did it, it's not that hard," he mutters.
"Yes, but your parents are a lot more lax."
Jisung huffs in annoyance, looking back to Felix. "We'll figure it out, Lixie. I promise." He holds his pinky out, wiggling it at him.
Felix stares at the offending pinky for a few seconds before rolling his eyes with a snort. He links his pinky with Jisung's. "Okay, Hannie. Whatever you say."
The rest of the ride is filled with the three of them singing along with the radio loudly, giggly and over-the-top.
When Felix gets home just before 9 the next day, he's unbelievably nervous. He's feels like he'll walk in and his mum and stepfather will immediately just know. It's ridiculous, of course. He showered this morning at Jisung's and made sure there was no trace of makeup left. He left all of Hyunjin's jewelry with Jisung. He's back in his usual clothes, another boring getup consisting of a plain tee and jeans, plain sneakers.
He hates every second of it. He feels like he's pulled a costume on, stuffy clothes and a fake smile to please his family. He greets his younger sister with a tired wave as he shuffles down the hall. He collapses face first onto his bed, grateful that his parents are too busy getting ready for church to greet him.
He glances at his phone. He's got about 30 minutes to make sure he's church-ready, and then he's got to be at the little café he works at right after. He wishes he had time to take a nap, or maybe start an episode of an anime. Anything to quiet his mind.
All he's been able to think of since yesterday evening (longer, if he's being honest) is Chan. Chan and the way his ears go pink when he gets embarrassed or shy, or the way his plush lips push into a pout when he frowns. Or, most damning of all, the look in his eyes when he looked like he was about to kiss Felix there on his back patio, eyes dark and dizzying in the low firelight.
Felix sighs, thunking his head into his pillow over and over again. He didn't even get Chan's phone number, either. He wonders if they'd be texting right now. Is Chan even a texter? Does he prefer to call? Felix would be okay with that; Chan's voice is so smooth, low and soothing. But what if Chan doesn't even want his number? Maybe he only imagined that Chan was going to kiss him.
He rolls onto his back and stares at his ceiling. Maybe he'll ask for his number if he sees him tomorrow at the lounge. He throws an arm over his eyes.
After five minutes of dramatic sulking, he finally gets up to finish getting ready. He's got to get his thoughts under control before they leave, but still, all he can picture is Chan and his easy-going smile.
His church, and by extension his family, calls people like him wrong. But he feels wrong when he stomps down all the things that make him Felix. He so tired of burying himself under miles of guilt for feeling the way he does.
He digs the heels of his palms into his eye sockets and breathes deep. And then he leaves for church, feeling more hopeless than ever.