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Ever since she received that letter, Effie could not calm down at all. It was all she could think about that it even kept her up all night yesterday. Katniss and Peeta are having a child! After so many years, she had thought that maybe those two really have no plan to have children at all—though she sort of understood why. But now, they are going to have one and it’s making her so very excited. Just imagining how cute the child would look like, her heart is already melting with joy.
The books are heavier than she expected, it smells faintly of dust and polish. Plutarch’s library has a unique kind of Capitol luxury. Rows upon rows, and thousands upon thousands of books, floor to ceiling, carefully preserved like a museum. A few years after the revolution, when most had finally been settled, Plutarch opened his family’s library to the public. To share knowledge, he said.
At her first time there, Effie was truly amazed by how beautiful it looked. But what made her even more fascinated was the books. It’s as if they contained everything a person is looking for. From then on, it has been one of her favorite places. Now, she is carrying a small stack of baby name books. Each name is accompanied by its origin and meaning. She finds it wonderful to think about how much history and meaning a single name could carry. Now, she is devoted on a mission of finding the most beautiful and meaningful name for Katniss’ and Peeta’s child. Of course, she’s not the one who gets to decide that, but she wants to at least make a suggestion.
Effie has marked nearly a third of the pages. Tabs peeking out like bright flags, color coded for the genders. In the margins, she had scribbled little notes, her handwriting neat but filled with eagerness as her hand were almost shaking as she wrote, with the thrill of imagining the child who might someday carry one of these names.
When she arrived at district twelve, Katniss and Peeta weren’t home yet. The house was quiet and no one was answering her knocks. So instead, she walks over to the house next door, a house she knew very well for all those years of being the district twelve’s escort. Effie almost jumped in delight as she saw Haymitch at the table with a glass in his hand. Of course, Haymitch never leaves his house unless he runs out of his drinks.
“Haymitch!” she squealed as she ran to him. “Oh my, take a look at this!” She hadn't even taken a seat before she opened the book to show him, “Has Katniss and Peeta chosen a name for the child? Because there’s this few I found from the books from Plutarch’s library,” she said with excitement gleaming from her eyes, “Take a look at this, this, and this one, I’ve marked a few but these are my favorites. I’ve also marked the meanings, see? I thought it might help them decide.”
Haymitch glanced down at the book for a brief moment, then looked back up at her, “That’s a long way to say I missed you. But well, I missed you too, dearest.” he said, a mischievous smile on his face.
Effie rolled her eyes but she did not let his annoyingness stop her excitement, she’s been looking forward to this for several days since she found out about Katniss’ pregnancy. “Yeah, so what do you think?” She asked, pointing at the names and completely ignoring his teasing smile.
Haymitch grabbed the book and took a second glance, a proper one this time, at the names she highlighted, squinting his eyes as he read it, “These are… names.”
“Yeah, and? Do you like it? Which one do you think is the most befitting? Or most beautiful?” Effie eagerly replied.
“Well, I dunno. I mean, it’s just a name,” he said. “Kid will live either way. Can’t see why you’re fussing over it.”
Now, that’s what makes Effie’s smile disappear completely as annoyance won over her. Way to go, Haymitch. He has never, not even once, failed to annoy her.
“Well, perhaps so that the poor child won’t have to live with a name that sounds like an itch,” she replies primly as she snatches the book back from him. “Names matter, Haymitch.”
“Hey, now that’s rude!”
“Oh, why? Did I say something? I wasn’t specifically talking about your name—though I suppose I understand why you might think that,” she shrugged and looked at him with those eyes as if she’s really innocent.
He snorted. “Yours doesn’t really sound as meaningful either.”
Effie’s fingers stilled at the book. She paused for a brief moment before she closed and placed it on the table before she met his eyes. “Well, you don’t know that,” she simply replied.
Haymitch raised his brows at the statement, his eyes filled with curiosity, “Then, will you be kind enough to share the meaning of your meaningful name, Effie?” He dared, his tone saying that he’s not actually expecting something truly meaningful.
“Nepenthe.”
Haymitch stilled, he was silent for a brief moment after she said her name. Effie caught his eyebrows flickered into frown for a second, but it was gone in a blink that she thought she was just imagining it, but it was as if some memory stirred behind his gaze.
He glanced back up at her, “I’m sorry, what?”
“Effie’s a nickname. My actual name is Nepenthe and it is very, truly meaningful, but I suppose you wouldn’t know that,” she said, laughing it off in hopes to just end the conversation.
“Oh, I actually do know,” Haymitch said, now serious and with no ounce of sarcasm in his voice. “It’s that drug that makes you forget terrible things, is it not?”
“Oh,” she was left speechless for a second, unsure of what to reply. “Now, that’s kind of a surprise… How did you know? From one of your drinks maybe?” She once again tried to laugh it off to lighten the mood, but the atmosphere has really become serious, it didn’t work at all.
“So, how come it’s my first time hearing this when I’ve known you for several decades now?” He asked.
“Well, that’s not really me anymore so…” she tries to end the topic but she can see he still has some questions in his mind.
Effie has never really been comfortable talking about her real name. She cannot even remember when she last heard or said it herself. But if it’s with Haymitch, maybe it’s fine to share it with him. So she takes a deep breath, in and out. Told herself, it’s just a name.
“My parents were… not well,” She began telling her story, and when she saw him actually listening, she continued, “A few years after marriage, my father had been unfaithful. They were on the brink of getting divorced.” Her voice stays light, trying not to be too emotional. “But they found out she was pregnant with me. There I was, and suddenly everything was forgiven. They made up and promised to stay together for me—for our family.”
She smiles faintly, like one does when looking at old photographs.
“They named me Nepenthe. After the thing that makes you forget sorrow. For their new beginning, a child who would fix everything.”
She took a deep breath before she continued.
“For a few years, we were really happy. Truly happy. Most people called me by the nickname Neppy, but my mother—” her breath hitches, just once. “She always called me Nepenthe, my full name. I really loved it when she calls my name because she says it in a way like I really am her most beloved daughter, one who takes away her sorrow.”
Her gaze went back to his, and his mouth curved into a small smile.
“And then Prosie was born, she couldn’t pronounce my name at all, so she went around calling me Effie,” she let out a small laugh. “Then the others also called me that, you know? For fun. I like it so I never really complained, and that’s it.”
She paused. “How wonderful it could have been if only the story really ended there.”
It didn’t.
Haymitch doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, but he’s really listening to her.
“We found out that my father had another family. Another child, the same age as me even. He hadn't stopped cheating. He’d just gotten better at lying.”
Her hands started tracing the edges of the book, not wanting to meet his gaze because she can feel her eyes tearing up.
“Our mother was destroyed. We left him, cut him off completely from our lives. Prosie and I took our mom’s surname. Trinket. We learned to live with just the three of us.”
She took another deep breath.
“However, as I grew up, I started to look more and more like him. I hated it. She hated him,” her smile is brittle now. “My mother couldn’t stand it. She couldn’t even look at me for longer than a minute and eventually, she stopped saying my name.” That’s how Nepenthe died and all that was left was Effie.
The silence presses in.
“The child that was meant to make her forget her pain,” Effie says, almost conversationally, “became the reminder of it instead. Ironic, isn’t it?”
She lets that sit before adding, in a softer voice,
“I suppose I did the same to you.”
Haymitch’s jaw tightens. He couldn’t deny it because if he did, they both know it’s gonna be a lie.
“Every year, we meet, and then children die. All my life, I seem to be… what reminds people of what they want to forget. That’s who I am, a reminder of pain.”
She folds her hands in her lap.
“Hardly befitting the name Nepenthe.”
For a long moment, Haymitch says nothing.
Then he reached for the book. Opened it. Looked at the tabs, the careful notes, the joy and excitement overflowing through the pages.
“Yeah, it doesn’t fit,” he said at last. “It’s not your job to make people happy or to make them forget about their pain, Effie. So it’s not your fault at all.”
She looked at him.
“How?”
He did not meet her eyes.
“Nothing can ever erase sorrow.” He said, “Some things are just never meant to be forgotten,”
Effie nodded, agreeing with him for once.
Then, in a lower voice, he continued, his eyes still glued on the book, “But I suppose some company could make it bearable.” It was in a very low voice, almost a whisper, but still loud enough to make her hear it. And it brought a smile to her lips.
“Oh well, it doesn’t really matter to me now. I prefer ‘Effie’ much better,” she chuckled. It’s the truth, it’s the nickname given to her by her dear Prosie, the only one who stayed with her during those dark times of her life.
“And I think it fits you much better,” Haymitch agreed. “Nepenthe is a beautiful name but it doesn’t have as much Effie-ness as ‘Effie’ does.”
It made her laugh.
“Oh and I think I found the perfect name for the kids’ kid,” Haymitch said with a mischievous smile on his face.
Then suddenly, the excitement that she’s been feeling for several days now has returned, “Oh my, really?? What is it? Let me see!!”
Haymitch handed over the book to her to show the name that he found. Effie frowned, it was written in his handwriting, Baguette Mellark.
“Haymitch Abernathy!” She yelled, but it was too late because he had run off somewhere.
She glanced back at the book, beside the horrific name is another handwritten note from him that says, “Nickname will be Ettie.”
It was so horrible it made her laugh.