Chapter Text
Jesper hadn’t planned on coming back to the Barrel.
He tells himself that as he stands in the Slat’s doorway, coat still on, fingers twitching like he’s reaching for dice that aren’t there.
The Slat has always had a way of pretending it’s frozen in time.
The scarred wooden tables are still gouged with old knife marks, still sticky in places no amount of scrubbing ever seemed to fix. The lanterns burn low, casting shadows that cling to the corners like they’ve learned where they won’t be disturbed. Even the air feels familiar. Stale smoke, cheap liquor, and something metallic beneath it all, like old blood soaked too deep into the floorboards to ever fully fade.
Jesper has stood in this doorway a hundred times before.
He knows exactly how many steps it takes to reach the nearest table. He knows which floorboard creaks just loud enough to announce him if he isn’t careful. He knows, with a kind of muscle memory that aches, where Kaz usually stands when he wants to loom.
The problem is that knowing doesn’t make it feel like home.
It makes it feel haunted.
Jesper shifts his weight, coat still on, fingers twitching like they’re reaching for dice that aren’t there. He hadn’t planned on coming back to the Barrel. Hadn’t planned on letting this place sink its teeth into him again. But somehow, here he is-caught in the doorway like a bad habit he never quite managed to quit.
His eyes flick instinctively to the center of the room.
Kaz Brekker doesn’t look at him.
That’s new.
He had sincerely hoped that the return of Inej would soften Kaz's rough edges. She had that effect on people. Or maybe just on Kaz. He had no doubts that Inej had tried talking to Kaz, her pitying eyes after Kaz refused to greet him were proof enough.
But no matter. It's not as if he was here for Kaz.
He was just here for… Wylan. Yes Wylan, of course he was here for his boyfriend. Sadly, Wylan was in constant contact with Kaz and had already come to the Slat many hours prior to discuss some "preparations." That could mean anything from bomb components to contingency plans Jesper is better off not knowing. He sorely missed the feeling of Wylan's hand in his, missed waking up beside him. Kaz, the little barrel rat, insisted on morning meetings at the Slat. Which did not include him. Well, it's not as if he wanted to get up at a saintsforsaken hour to see Kaz's perpetually grumpy face.
Kaz's irritatingly monotone voice distracted Jesper from his admittedly rambling thoughts. He must have been talking for a while because Inej shot him a look. Gosh, she must have been a stern mother in her past life. Jesper desparately tried to focus on Kaz's voice.
“There’s a merchant operating out of East Stave. He’s been skimming from three syndicates and doesn’t know it yet.We take his ledgers. We leave him breathing."
Kaz did a quick skim of the room.
"Questions are optional."
"What's the actual plan here?"
This is from Inej, obviously. Jesper doubts anyone else would have the guts to say something when faced with a brick wall such as Kaz Brekker.
"A distraction is caused. We get in and out with those ledgers and run."
Nina looks skeptical.
"Why can't we just break into his house? It wouldn't be very hard."
Kaz answers with ease, seemingly expecting these questions.
"Unfortunately, the price of being famous is being too recognisable for your own good. It's too easy to assume that it's us. Wylan has been hearing whispers. The Merchant Council is waiting for me to misstep, to make a mistake so they can throw me in jail. I won't allow it. I’m not interested in learning that lesson twice."
Inej’s expression tightens, just slightly. Like she’s heard this reasoning before and hadn’t liked how it ended.
"I need a method which doesn't so obviously link us to the scene of the crime."
Kaz lets the silence stretch after that, as if daring anyone to challenge him. Nina seems momentarily content to chew on her skepticism rather than voice it. Matthias’s jaw tightens, but he says nothing. Inej watches Kaz with an intensity that makes Jesper uneasy, like she’s cataloguing something she won’t forget.
Nina exhales sharply. "So subtle chaos. My favorite flavor."
Matthias doesn’t look convinced. He rarely does when Kaz is like this.
"You said this merchant panics easily."
"Yes. So it is imperative that this distraction be as loud and eye-catching as possible."
It feels like every pair of eyes simultaneously slide over to him. Jesper feels slightly affronted at this.
He scoffs. "Wow. I knew I was memorable, but this feels excessive."
No one laughed.
Wylan ducks his head lightning fast, refusing to meet his eyes. Jesper tried repeatedly to catch his gaze, yet was refused at every try. Wylan looked skitterish and jumpy in a way that he had not seen in well…ever.
Not like this.
Not like the man who had kissed Jesper goodbye that morning, warm and unguarded, before heading to the Slat alone.
Something settles uncomfortably in Jesper’s chest.
Jesper desparately wanted to break this awkward silence, deflect this strange attention he seemed to be getting. Something else was bothering him. Something else that he didn't understand. And for Saints' sake, he didn't understand why no one else had asked either.
"Why us, Kaz?"
Kaz's gaze finally met his. Kaz’s face was pale, drawn tight as if carved from bone which greatly contrasted the burgeoning dark circles that seemed imprinted under his piercing eyes.
Jesper's whole body froze. He suddenly regretted asking such a stupid question.
He was scared.
It was a surprisingly unfamiliar sensation. One might think that being best buddies with the Bastard of the Barrel was a terrifying endeavour but over the years, Kaz had started to seem human.
“Because we’re already involved,” Kaz says. “The syndicates he’s skimming from will come looking for us whether we move or not.
We have the reach. The timing. And I’m not outsourcing mistakes anymore.”
Jesper doesn't like this answer. It felt uncomfortable, incomplete. But no one else was arguing and Jesper sure isn't relishing the feeling of Kaz's heavy stare.
Jesper ducks his head down, staring at the floor. Kaz takes this as surrender.
Kaz has always been good at mistaking silence for agreement, for obedience. Jesper had always been good at letting him. It was easier to joke than to argue, easier than trying to change the ways of someone who never would take no for an answer.
Jesper risks a glance up.
Inej has gone very still. It’s the kind of stillness Jesper recognizes. The kind that means she’s listening for something unsaid. Her hands are folded neatly in front of her, but her eyes flick once to Kaz, then to Jesper, knowing but confused simultaneously
Nina leans back in her chair like this is all mildly amusing, but Jesper knows better. She’s watching too, weighing something. She always does.
Matthias, the big Fjerdan brute, has barely said a word. That normally wouldn't bother Jesper, it's to be expected of course, but Matthias' silence feels loaded with unease.
And Wylan-
Jesper’s gaze snags on him again, and this time the ache doesn’t fade.
Jesper is worried. Truly. He tries to calm himself down. Wylan has never been the boisterous type. Maybe he's just tired from waking up early? Maybe doubling at the Merchant Council and with the Dregs is taking a toll?
Deep down, he knows it's not that.
Something is terribly terribly wrong.
And Wylan won't tell him what it is.
That, more than Kaz’s stare or the weight of the room or the Barrel itself pressing in around his ribs, is what unsettles Jesper the most.
Jesper's mind is becoming increasingly confused. His concern and the need to act normal battle between him. But ultimately, acting normal wins because who is Jesper Fahey if he's not loud and colourful and charming. If he stops being those things, he leaves a space for people to ask uncomfortable questions. He'd rather not give them the chance.
"So, we're subtle yet famous criminals who are somehow the only people in the Barrel who can pull this off. Oh, and we are at imminent risk of getting nabbed by the Merchant Council. Doesn't that just sound dreamy?"
Kaz doesn't rise to the bait, doesn't death stare him like he would've a mere year ago. Jesper is simply ignored.
"We'll discuss roles during our normal morning meeting tomorrow. Today is just about feasibility."
Inje cocks her head. "The risks?"
"Manageable."
They all share a look (sans Wylan). Nobody wants to know what Kaz Brekker's version of 'manageable' is. It could mean anything from a world shattering event to a minor inconvenience.
"We'll have at least three meetings beforehand. I want to see each every one of you at all meetings."
Nina snorted. "You're being overzealous. Too careful."
The fact that it was strange was left unsaid.
"I'm doing my job Zenik, which is what I need to do in order to keep you alive," Katz snapped.
Jesper files that away. Careful. Precise. Outsourcing mistakes. Learning lessons twice. All these phrases circling the same unnamed thing, like vultures refusing to land.
The rest of the meeting drones monotonously after that, with seemingly unimportant details being dissected over and over. Very little actually seems pertinent to Jesper which only reaffirms his belief that he was only invited because of Wylan's insistence.
Because of course Wylan saw how much he missed it.
The Barrel, the Slat, Ketterdam. As filthy as they were, Jesper desperately yearned for them during the tough days when he felt like a fish out of water. He never told Wylan but it must have been obvious.
It must have been obvious how much Kaz's distance hurt.
It had happened so suddenly as well.
At first, with Inej gone sailing the seas and Matthias taking Nina to Fjerda, it was just the three of them together. They ate dinner every Tuesday in Wylan's mansion, met up at the Crow Club every once in a while.
But then everything just changed.
Kaz pulled away. He isolated himself away from Jesper and Wylan. He would stop coming over, stopped eating food with them and cut off communication with Jesper completely.
Jesper was hurt. And confused. But most importantly, he was scared. He was scared of the rejection he would face if he tried to reach out and eventually convinced himself that it was inevitable.
Jesper tells himself he’s being ridiculous.
People drift apart. It happens. Lives change, priorities shift, the world keeps moving whether you’re ready for it or not. Jesper has always been good at rolling with change, laughing it off, reshaping himself to fit whatever space is left open. He’s survived worse than being ignored.
But it hurt.
Because Kaz was Jesper's best friend.
He knew Kaz didn't feel the same way.
Obviously not.
The meeting ended abruptly with no fanfare. Inej slunk out of the room, shooting Jesper a sympathetic look that promised a conversation very soon. Matthias and Nina left holding hands, looking every bit the happy couple. Both of them looked so unbothered, so unfazed. Jealously reared its ugly head as Jesper looked around the remaining people in the room hoping to talk with at least one of them.
Jesper waits for Wylan to say something. Anything. A glance. A smile. Some reassurance that whatever this is, they’ll talk about it later.
Instead, Wylan clears his throat. "I should- Kaz needs me," he says again, like it’s already been rehearsed.
Jesper forces a grin. “Of course he does.”
Wylan gets up and makes for the door but he teeters on the threshold of the doorway. His silence felt more loaded than any words he could have said and left Jesper begging for any hint of what he could possibly have done wrong. He leaves the room.
Jesper lets the grin stay on his face until he’s sure no one is watching.
Only then does it fade.
Now Jesper is certain.
Whatever heist Kaz is planning …
It's already begun without him.