Work Text:
To: Chan-ah~
I realized I loved you for the first time very early after we debuted. I don’t know if you even remember this, but when we were all living together, my parents went on vacation, so I had to look after the cats. But I got sick. Really sick. I still wanted to be there with the cats, but I could barely move. You caught wind of it and showed up at my family’s house and tucked me into my childhood bed and fed me soup and medication and way too much water. You stayed with me there for days and took care of the cats (and me). I knew I loved you when I woke up one morning to see you laying on the couch in my room with all three of my sons asleep on your chest.
I’m sure the others are going to say something sappy for their favorite thing about you. Someone’s going to say “how selfless you are,” someone else is going to say “how much you’ve done for us,” another is going to say “you gave me this life and I’m forever in your debt.” But my favorite thing about you has nothing to do with your personality or how dedicated you are to us and this life we share. My favorite thing about you is the real, genuine laugh you let out sometimes; the one where you end up squeaking like one of the cats’ toys. It reminds me of home.
My favorite memory with you is easy. It’s something you do often— often enough that you did it on camera once. I was scrolling on my phone, laying on bed next to Changbin, and you came in and threw yourself on top of me. You were making a whole show of hugging me and cuddling close to me and giggling into my ear. Like every time before, I yelled into your ear, and you pulled away with that cute little smile of yours and giggling the squeak-laugh that makes my heart flutter. That one moment is my favorite memory, probably because it’s filmed, and I’ve rewatched the clip close to a hundred times.
I love you, Chan-ah~ Merry Christmas~
From: Minho~
To: CB97
There wasn’t a time when I didn’t love you. But, for the sake of this gift, I’ll share the first time I realized I’d do literally anything you’d ask of me with no questions (I’d lay my life down for you without thinking once). It was when I sobbed so hard into your neck that I gave myself a headache after we got our first win with “MIROH.” You held me so tight that day. You chose me for the team, you gave me this life— I’ll do anything to give you every award in existence to prove to you that all of your hard work has been worth it.
My favorite thing about you? Where do I even begin? It’s impossible to choose just one thing. I know you won’t take a compliment about your personality or looks or talents or anything, so I’ll say my favorite thing about you is one of the few habits you pride yourself on: I’ve never felt more loved and more comfortable than how I feel in your arms. I think that’s why I don’t let you hug me often, why I don’t seek out your touch often— I’d grow to need it, I think, and since we don’t spend every day together, it’d become a problem if I needed to hug you at least once a day to keep breathing. I know how busy you are. Though I know that’ll change now that I’ve told you this, ㅋㅋㅋ. But that’s okay. I’d love more hugs from my favorite hyung.
My favorite memory with you is every “GIANT” performance. I loved teasing you every night on stage. I would purposefully lean in because I knew you’d chicken out and your ears would turn red. But, slowly, you started to tease back. I had to fight to keep my expression neutral, but all I wanted to do was give you a kiss right then and there in front of thousands of STAY. I wanted to watch the blush on your ears spread across the rest of your face. It’s my favorite memory because it happened so many times, and it was filmed every time, so I can look back and rewatch every instance.
I love you more than everything, hyung. Merry Christmas<3
From: SPEARB
To: My Channie Hyung<3
The first time I realized I loved you was a little late. I’m sorry. I think I had loved you for a while, but I didn’t realize it until a little after our debut. It was the first time we went swimming together, just the two of us, so we could race and compare our times on each event. I realized I loved you when I realized you weren’t holding back. Even though you’ve always loved to make us happy, you were giving your all, and you weren’t underestimating me. So many people only saw me as a pretty face back then, but you? You saw me as so much more. Even without having seen me swim before, you expected that I’d be fast enough that you needed to go all out to race me. (I’ve never forgotten that little crooked smile you gave me when you got to the wall a full five seconds after I did. You looked so happy. I hope we can swim again some time so I can see that smile again.)
My favorite thing about you is that I’ve never once felt invisible with you. You go out of your way to shower me with love, whether that be directly to me on Kakao or even to my face. Or you’ll go on Bubble, gushing about how much you love me: “Hyunjin is mine.” or “How can someone look this good…?” among dozens of other messages. (You know I don’t have your Bubble, right? I see the messages through STAY’s posts.) But you always seem to know when I’m feeling down, and you always find some way to make me feel more loved than I’ve ever felt in my life.
My favorite memory with you is the Pepero game. Yes, it was a very long time ago, but nothing has ever made my heart flutter more. I had my eyes closed in the moment, so I never got to see your expression as you inched closer and closer. But rewatching the clip was an insane feeling for me. I want to do it again, so badly, just so that I can see that blissed-out expression on your face as you move closer and closer to me. (Do I want to kiss you? Maybe. Don’t tell anyone.)
I love you, my favorite hyung-nim~ I hope your Christmas this year is the best one yet~
From: Hyune
To: CB97
The first time I realized I loved you was before a lot of the members were in the picture. Before you brought us all together to make the team, before most of the members even became trainees. It was a couple of months after I’d become a trainee, and I was miserable. I was spiraling and doubting myself in a practice room, late at night, on the edge of a panic attack— I could feel my skin already starting to buzz. I didn’t know what to do or how to help myself. With my head spinning and vision going blurry, I texted you the number of the practice room I was in, with no context. You showed up within a minute and you didn’t say a word to me; you just settled in on the piano bench next to me and hugged me and held me until my body stopped shaking. You’d never seen me have a panic attack before (I don’t think you even knew I had panic attacks yet) so you couldn’t have known how to help me through it. But you did the exact things that I needed in that moment without me even needing to say a word. I’m still so grateful to you.
You are the most selfless person I’ve ever met. I would say that’s my favorite thing about you, but that would be a lie. My favorite thing about you is how you’re slowly becoming less selfless. I know that sounds bad, but hear me out! With how self-destructive you’ve been for so long, it’s good that you’re paying more attention to yourself and putting yourself first more often than not. My favorite thing about you is that you’re still growing somehow, and I thought you were perfect when we met back in 2015. Ten years later, and you’ve proven to me that even perfect people can improve.
I can’t choose just one memory with you. It’s impossible! Every new moment with you is my new favorite. But if I HAVE to choose… Being held at gunpoint… It’d be the one time on stage where we all piled up on top of each other, with me at the very bottom and you directly above me. I was fully prepared to be crushed by the weight of everyone at once, but you held yourself up so that I wouldn’t feel any of it. I had that photo as my lockscreen for years. I’d unlock my phone sometimes just to look at it.
I love you, hyung!!! Merry Christmas!!!
From: J.ONE
To: Chris <3
The night I got eliminated, you treated me to dinner at my favorite Korean barbeque spot. You got us a private room because I just could not stop crying. You didn’t say anything about it. You just cooked the meat (all of my favorite cuts, none of yours) and cut it up into bite-sized pieces and made a plate just for me. I cried even harder with how gentle and sweet you were being. At some point, you walked over and sat next to me and wrapped your arm around my waist and held me for an hour as we ate in silence. You paid for it all and we walked home to the dorms, shoulder-to-shoulder, as you talked about LOL to distract me so I wouldn’t cry as we walked through the streets of Seoul. It was exactly what I needed then— all of it, from the hug in the practice room to the meal to the walk home. When I got added back, you treated me again to the same restaurant, and that time we talked about Australia and video games and anime and everything under the sun. I thought I loved you halfway through the walk to the dorms the first time, and I knew I loved you for certain when we walked home the second time and you kept giggling every time I tried to hold your hand.
My favorite thing about you will sound weird, but I need you to stay with me, okay? My favorite thing about you is that you don’t do everything I ask of you. I think that’s probably because I ask for a LOT, and most of it I’m usually joking about, so you don’t do it all. I’ll ask you to hop on LOL for a draft game, and you’ll turn me down because you’re still mourning your old account with all the skins and mastery. I’ll ask you to watch all of One Piece from the beginning with me, and you’ll turn me down because you aren’t even fully caught up yourself. I’ll ask you to have a meal with me, and you’ll turn me down half of the time because you always need to get work done. So it means a lot when you don’t turn me down, because it means that you genuinely want to do it. You aren’t your usual people pleaser self with me, because I see right through it— I know when your heart isn’t in it. I’m happy you’ve grown to become someone who turns people down when you don’t feel like doing what they ask of you. I’m happy I was at least a little part of that journey for you.
I asked you to download Genshin for years— I KNEW you’d love it. My favorite memory with you is the first time you downloaded Genshin and I got to watch your awe and wonder as you watched the opening cutscene and played through the beginning of the game. I had told you that you looked like Wriothesley, and you had enough wishes after playing for a couple of hours, so you did a ten-pull. I memorized that cute little confused expression you had on your face when the star turned gold and you clicked the screen to see that you’d pulled Wriothesley in the first try. As I explained the pity system and the insanely low chance of pulling him, your smile grew wider and wider. I hadn’t seen that big of a smile on your face in a very long time. It’s my favorite memory because it was that spark that made you become so much happier— and I love knowing that I was the one to introduce Genshin to you (even though I know your bank account has taken a massive hit since then, ㅋㅋㅋ).
My favorite big brother, I love you the most <3 Merry CHRISmas ><
From: Felix
To: BangChan-ah (hehe)
I’ve never not loved you. I can’t recall a time when I didn’t love you more than everyone in my life. Even with everything we’ve been through, all the hardships, all the mini-fights, I’ve continued to love you more than life itself. Disagreements are bound to happen, and we have them, but even during that time I’ve never once questioned my love for you. Expressing this overwhelming amount of love I have for you is hard, but I hope every time I feed you and you alone, you understand it’s my way of telling you how much I love you, bit by bit.
My favorite thing about you is that you trust me so implicitly. That I’m the person you go to when you can’t sing something yourself, when the lyrics are too real and you choke yourself up every time you attempt to record it. That you’ve believed in me since Day One, long before I had any ounce of confidence. I know we clashed a little when you wouldn’t give me much attention, but I understand now that attention from you back then would’ve meant that I was lacking— and you never once believed that I lacked any talent whatsoever. You’ve been my #1 fan from the beginning, and I hope that I can support you the same way in return. Your voice is so wonderful, hyung.
“Seungmin, we sleep together!” You sounded so giddy— I’d never heard you happier. I had to make sure I wasn’t facing a camera when I heard you running down the stairs, calling out to me, because I was suddenly fighting back a flood of tears. I don’t want you to make a big deal out of it now that you know, just move on and not fuss over me getting emotional at the sound of you being so excited just to spend more time with someone you already spend every day with. Live this up, hyung, because I won’t be this mushy and sentimental again for another eight years.
Love ya. Merry Christmas, hyung.
From: Seungminnie
To: Bang Chan
I knew I loved you when you chose me to be in the group. You saw my potential even back then, when I was a blank sheet of paper (your words, not mine). Despite my age and training, you chose me, guided me, wanted me. You gave me a reason. You gave me a goal. You gave me a family. How could I not love you?
My favorite thing about you is how hardworking you are. How you’ll stay up for days straight, just working. You probably shouldn’t— you need to sleep more, hyung. But I struggle to get work done even when I have the time, energy, and motivation. I wish I were able to dedicate so much to practicing and recording and writing like you do. I hope that one day, I’ll become even a fraction of the man you are.
“When did you get so big? I can barely hug you anymore.” I didn’t tell you then, but you saying that was why I started to cry so much harder. I let myself be held in your arms for much longer after that because I wanted to stay that little kid in your eyes forever. I’ll rewatch that clip sometimes when I need a reminder of how loved I am, by you specifically. I know I can just go into your room whenever I want and ask for a hug, but then you’ll fuss over me and ask what’s wrong and ask what you can do to fix everything and ugh. How do I explain that nothing’s wrong and I just want my hyung to hug me? I’d rather not go through the whole dance every time, so I rewatch the clip instead, and it does the trick. The memory of how tightly you held me that day is all I need to get through anything and everything.
Now, if this worked right, this letter is the last one you’ll read. I hope none of the other members mentioned that I was the one to ask them to write these letters, because I want to be the one to tell you that. You have so much money and you can buy anything you want as soon as you know you want it, so it’s near impossible to get gifts for you. I know that you’ve said our company is a gift enough, but I wanted you to have something material this Christmas, with this being our 8th Christmas all together. You deserve to know the first time we all realized we loved you, our favorite thing about you, and our favorite memory with you.
I love you. To many more Christmases with my favorite hyung <3
From: Yang Jeongin
me: I love you guys so much ㅠㅠ
me: I’ve been crying for hours ㅠㅠ
me: What the $&@% guys ㅠㅠ
me: Now just give me a week and I’ll write each of you a letter in return ㅠㅠ
A. Yang Jeongin: NO.
A. Yang Jeongin: That’s not the point of this, hyung.
A. Yang Jeongin: Don’t do anything in return. This is our thanks for everything you’ve done for us.
me: ㅠㅠ
me: Okay… ㅠㅠ
me: Love you guys… ㅠㅠ
me: Thank you, Innie… ㅠㅠ
A. Yang Jeongin: You’re welcome.
A. Yang Jeongin: Merry Christmas, Channie-hyung.