Chapter Text
He sits on your floor. He doesn’t want you to touch him yet. You don’t want to fight. He’ll let you know when he’s ready to be treated as he usually does. Once in a blue moon, he won’t, he’ll just leave and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, but you can hope that today isn’t one of those days. You know too well that he doesn’t want you to look at him either, so you don’t. Instead, you stare at your husktop with the same amount of dedication you usually give it. You have no idea what you’re looking at since you’ve been aimlessly scrolling through code without actually paying attention to it.
Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and your good friend has a new step mother. For the life of you, you don’t understand her at all. From what you know, and jegus you know way more than you’d actually like to, she’s a sea dweller, violet if you remember correctly, and she really fucking hates land dwellers. The lower on the hemo, the worse. Which, you know, is a huge confliction when the Vantas’ are so low on the fucking hemospectrum they’re mutated. You could see if there was money involved, but the Vantas are not a wealthy family. Karkat still has to wear hand-me-downs on occasion. Nor is there any kind of fame involved as you know for a fact Mr. Vantas stays as far away from that stuff as possible.
If you had to guess, you’d say she was actually in love with Mr. Vantas. Then you’d have to say bullshit, she’s getting something out of this you just don’t know what. Not that it matters. It all boils down to the same thing; she fucking hates Karkat. Supposedly Kankri is fairing better, but you’ve also heard rumors that he’s been house jumping between his friends. Of course, people hating Karkat isn't unusual in the least. Karkat is not a very likable person. In fact, outside of his ring of friends and family of friends, you’re pretty sure everyone is slightly terrified of him. Whether this is due to his voice or due to the fact that what few friends he makes are kind of out of their minds, you’re not entirely sure.
No, the part Karkat isn’t used to is the violence. You’re not sure Karkat’s ever been physically attacked before which is sort of like a huge surprise with the mouth he has on him. He never really understands what to do after she’s done something to him. What she does varies dramatically in severity. Sometimes it’s just a hit and sometimes you have to take Karkat to the hospital. Regardless of what she does, he always ends up on your floor.
You’re not entirely sure how he keeps getting into your house, or past your dad for that matter, but you don’t really mind. You’re pretty sure you told him a long time ago, years ago even, that he could come and go as he pleased and you’re not going to take it back now, but you’re really curious.
The worst part is, Mr. Vantas knows about it. You always thought he was a pretty cool guy. Weird, of course, but come on, even your family is fucking weird. Your dad wears a fucking swim cap ninety percent of the time and your brother hit his head one too many times. Now, though, you’re starting to hate him. How could he let a, by all accounts, stranger do that to his son?
You don’t know what to do either. You know what you should do. You should tell your dad and go over to his house and watch him kick her ass. Then maybe Mr. Vantas if he doesn’t get his shit together. You can’t do this. That’s a lie. You could totally do this and on some of the more severe cases, you’ve seriously thought about it, but if you do, Karkat will probably never talk to you again. You’re still debating whether or not it would be worth it to see him back to normal again.
For now, though, all you can do is patch him up when he needs it. Take him to the hospital when it’s bad. Share your recuperacoon when he doesn’t want to go home. Tell them you have no idea where he is when he’s hiding. Lie when he needs to you; both to him and other people. One day when he tells you he’s had enough, or he winds up dead, necks will be broken.
Or you'll elope.
Whichever.
Or both. Both is good.
Karkat touches your arm slightly and you glance up at him calmly. You guess it’s not as bad today. One of his eyes is kind of swelling and he has a cut clean down the middle of his lip that immediately cuts diagonally over his sharp chin. It’s dripping that bright red blood of his all over the place and it’s deep as fuck, but he’s a troll. Trolls are tough. Karkat’s tough. You can see bone.
“2hould take you to the ho2piital, KK,” you murmur, turning your chair slightly. He stands between your knees, blood dripping onto your pants. You hate it.
“NO,” he snaps back. “JUST FIX IT OR I’LL GO SEE GAMZEE OR SOMETHING.” You snort.
“He’d probably make it wor2e,” you remind him. Karkat doesn’t argue. “Ii have to go get the kiit from Miituna’2 room,” you explain distantly. He nods. You don’t want to leave him alone. He’s safe here, of course, but that doesn’t make you feel any better. You stand and for a moment, you’re close enough to him to make an intimate moment. He backs away.
You fetch the first aid from your brother’s room. Mituna stares at you the entire time, but you don’t look at him and he doesn’t say anything to you. You’re pretty sure he knows, if not just through Kankri. Kankri stays here occasionally. You hate him. He’s never injured.
Karkat’s sitting in your chair when you return, looking over whatever stupid code you had been working on. You haven’t been focusing lately. Only part of your brain is functioning for anything useful at any given time. The rest of it is worried and mad and confused and possibly in love and confused about possibly being in love and angry for knowing it’s stupid.
“Move a22hole,” you motion him out of the chair. Karkat complies. Sometimes you hate Karkat. Sometimes when he’s Karkat, but usually when he’s not. You hate him when he’s that nervous, quiet wreck she’s turned him into. You hate him when he think you’re going to hit him and you hate him when he’s legitimately concerned that you hate him. You hate when you don’t know him.
“2iit,” you mumble, plopping back into your chair. He kneels between your legs and you can see his teeth even more than usual. “2top pokiing at iit wiith your tongue, 2tupiid,” you grumble.
“SHUT UP. IT FEELS WEIRD,” he puffs back at you, hoisting himself up slightly to lean his elbows on your thighs. He’s uncomfortably close to your bulge right now. He turns his head down to rest on his arm and display the cut to you. He’s calm and it’s so fucking wrong right now. He should be hissing and spitting at everyone and everything. Karkat prods at the cut again while you thread up a needle.
“2eriiou2ly, KK, knock that 2hiit off, you’re goiing to make iit wor2e.” You scold him a little too loud and he flinches. He’s broken. You hate him for it. You hate yourself for not knowing how to fix him. You don’t apologise. It wouldn’t matter anyways.
You’re too familiar with tending to wounds at this point. You press a bit of cloth against the spot and Karkat holds still. Fortunately, the bleeding has already stopped for the most part. Then you dab it with a bit of alcohol and antibiotic. You assess the damage first. There’s no way you’re going to get away without stitching it up. You should really take him to the hospital. Now that he’s refused, there’s no way you’re going to convince him otherwise.
So you stitch it up. Karkat winces occasionally, but you’re sure his face has already gone numb otherwise he wouldn’t let you touch him. His threshold for pain is ridiculous and his tolerance is nearly non existent. You have no idea if this is because of his mutation or personal nature. It probably doesn’t matter, as long as he isn’t in any pain. You’d only be able to do this half the time if he was in pain.
He lets out a puff of discomfort when you reach his lip and you have to forcibly hold his teeth apart to make sure he doesn’t snag the thread on them. You know he’s going to eventually. You’ll have to cover it with something. Karkat is getting impatient and antsy and his face is blushed that creepy red colour that you not so secretly love so much. You knot up the end and place a small bandage over the stitching on his lip so he won’t rip it out with his oversized teeth. You pat him on the cheek.
“Keep your tongue iin your mouth and leave iit alone,” you remind him. Karkat glares at you. He remains in your lap for a few more second, touching the bandage with his finger lightly. He shoves himself upwards suddenly, putting pressure on your knees and tilting your lithe frame forward just slightly.
“THANKS,” he says reluctantly. You don’t think he actually needs your help to clean his wounds. He just needs the company. You think anyways. The two of you don’t actually talk about it. Your bros, but not moirails. Feelings are for humans.
“Dad made 2ome grub, iif you’re hungry,” you mention. Karkat stares at you. Okay, you’ve got to stop talking to the Striders. “Food. He’2 made food.”
“FINE,” he agrees. At least you know he eats at home. He follows you down the stairs. Your downstairs smells like- cake? Oh for fuck’s sake. Ever since your dad met Mr. Egbert at a school night you’ve started noticing an increasing frequency of baked goods. You love and hate the stuff. Today, though, you're feeling unusually apathedic. Karkat looks at you sharply and you just kind of shrug in reply.
“Ii thiink he’2 lonely,” you mutter simply. You love your dad and all but your whole family’s kind of fucked in the head for one reason or another. You’ll probably be soon, but you don’t worry yourself with it. If it happens, it happens.
“Oh, hello Karkat,” your dad greets him pleasantly. At one time, he’d probably even ask about Mr. Vantas. He doesn’t anymore. He stopped doing that about the same time she moved in with them. You don’t think this has any connection. You don’t think he knows, either. You have no idea what he thinks keeps happening to Karkat. Trolls are naturally violent, though, so maybe he just assumes Karkat's a fighter. That would mean he thinks you're his moirail, but you guess you can deal with that.
“HI MR. CAPTOR,” Karkat responds halfly. He’s sort of hidden behind you, even though he knows for a fact that your dad wouldn’t lay a finger on him.
“We’re ju2t goiing to grab 2ome food and go back up2taiir2,” you explain.
“Alright Ψollux. Are you Ψtaying the night, Karkat?” he asks. You don’t ask that of him. If he does, then he will and if he doesn’t, then he won’t. All the same, Karkat nods. “Alright then, Karkat. Make yourΨelf at home.” He doesn’t say anything else, going back to watching whatever it is he’s put in the oven.
You and Karkat grab enough food to sooth your ravaging teen bellies before heading back for your room.
“Tuna! Food!” your dad yells and you can see Karkat jump. He’s always worse immediately after an alteration. You don’t want to let him go back. He’s smart enough to get off the stairs before your brother comes running out of his room. You step to the side. You and Karkat just kind of watch as Mituna elegantly hapen the stairs with a series of rather loud thumps. It’s not even funny anymore. It’s a little funny.
“Are you okay, Mituna?”
“Y34H.”
“WHY DOES HE HAVE A ROOM AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS?” Karkat asks pointedly. You shrug. The two of you return to your room. You return to your desk, placing your plate to the side to nit pick at while you work and Karkat plants himself on the floor in front of the television. Like before, you really have no drive to work on anything. There’s a spot of cherry red blood right in front of your keyboard that you end up staring at for a good two minutes before you realise someone’s pestering you.
Several people are pestering you, in fact. You have no desire to talk to any of them. Kankri wants to know if Karkat’s okay. You don’t answer him. You don’t close the window, though, putting it aside so you can pretend you’re not near your computer right now. AA is telling you something about a game she’s play. She’s logged off already. Terezi’s licked her screen one too many times and wants to know if you can fix it. You do not want to do this. You have no idea what Dave wants. You close that out without bothering to read any of the piles of red text he’s spammed over to you.
This has been unproductive.
“Can’t keep them off my double bulge2,” you mumble.
“I’M TELLING AA,” Karkat answers your aimless self stupidity. You know he means it as a joke.
“Dude, AA and Ii have been broken up for month2,” you scoff back. “Where have you been?” Karkat looks at you because you know the answer to your question, but it was rhetorical. He looks away again.
“SORRY.”
“Iit wa2n’t a biig deal. We ju2t wanted diiferent thiing2.” You wanted to be confused about being flush for Karkat and she wanted someone who wasn’t confused about being flushed for Karkat. And Equius. Weird, but you’re still friends and whatever.
“OH,” and Karkat doesn’t say anything else. You glare at the back of his head. It’s so wrong. He should be yelling at you. Telling you how you’re an asshole for not being able to keep a matesprit any longer than any of your other socially wrecked friends. He should be complaining about how you could have made things work if you would have asked him. He should be teasing you and telling you you should just date Dave and be over with it. But he doesn’t. He just sits with his back to you, making you look at that stupid turtle neck sweater he’s started to wear to hide all his bruises and cuts and burns, and doesn’t say a word.
Maybe he’s not so tough.
"Know why we broke up?" you ask. Karkat just kind of shrugs like he could take it or leave it. And he could. He honestly doesn't care right now. His face is numb, his pride damaged, and he feels useless and unloved. He doesn't care anything about you right now. He just wants everything to stop so he can lick his wounds and bring himself to his feet again. That's what your house is. A medic center where he’s patched up just to go out to do the same stupid thing all over again like the idiot he is.
"Becau2e Ii love you."
You see his shoulders stiffen. He doesn't look at you, he doesn't even turn. In fact, he freezes all together like you won't be able to see him if he doesn't move. Because you do love him. As flushed as fucking flush can be. Red as his creepy cherry blood.
"Do you boyΨ want Ψome cake?" you dad calls with excellent timing.
"YES," Karkat yelps back and you can tell how hard it was for him to not squeak. He makes his way back to the kitchen, but you remain behind. You fucking hate cake. You return to your computer.
apocalypseArisen [AA] has begun trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
AA: hey!
AA: i reached the end of the fucking world and there’s nothing here?
AA: sollux
AA: sollux
AA: sollux
AA: sollux
TA: ii need you to do me a favor, aa.
AA: what kind of favor?
TA: the kiind of favor that you need to not a2k many que2tiion2 about.
AA: why do you need someone culled?
AA: just say the word
AA: dad’ll be all over it
TA: no.
TA: aa no.
AA: oh
AA: well what then
TA: ii need you to go 2tand out2iide kk’2 hou2e iin exactly two and a half hour2.
AA: i don’t think intimidating karkat is the way to his heart
AA: if he even has one of those
TA: ju2t do iit plea2e.
TA: ii’ll tell you the 2ecret to the end of the world.
AA: YOU FUCKING BETTER!
AA: i’ve had so fucking enough of this shit
TA: two and a half .
AA: yeah i got it
TA: top riight wiindow.
AA: i’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and not assume this is for some creepy reason
TA: thank2.
TA: can you get your 2ii2ter two?
AA: uh
TA: 井伊は良いものを得ることができます。
AA: oh then yeah
AA: but now i’m really curious
AA: what are you doing?
TA: nothiing.
AA: O_O
twinArmageddons [TA] has stopped trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]
twinArmageddons [TA] has begun trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
TA: ii need a favor.
TG: whoa i hope you have the goods for something like that
TA: ii won’t tell diirk what happened to hii2 2tupiid 2tuffed aniimal.
TG: smuppet
TA: whatever.
TG: you drive a hard bargain
TG: what do you want?
TG: you’re not like going to make me your sex slave or something are you
TG: because i think i’d rather get my ass kicked by dirk
TA: ii thiink ii ju2t vomiited a liitle biit.
TG: you know you want the hot strider ass
TG: all this swag is too much for you to handle
TA: no.
TA: iin two and half hour2 ii need you to go 2tand out2iide kk’2 hou2e wiith AA and her 2ii2ter.
TG: why??
TA: becau2e you don’t want diirk to kiick your a22.
TG: and what just stand there?
TA: ju2t 2tand there.
TA: even an iidiiot liike you couldn’t fuck thii2 up.
TG: i don’t know i’ve fucked a lot of things up before
TA: correctiion; you won’t fuck iit up or ii’ll fuck you up
TG: whoa violent
TG: i’ll be there
TG: should i bring dirk??
TA: no. ju2t you.
twinArmageddons [TA] has stopped trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
So now you deal with your self hatred. You’ve officially scared Karkat now, you have no idea what the fuck you were thinking. The entire reason you haven’t said anything about your flushed feelings was because you didn’t want to test the hero complex thing. You don’t want him to like you just because you’ve been helping him. Though at this point, you’d be surprised if he liked you at all. He probably doesn’t. He has the worst sort of crush on Terezi. Which is bullshit because she’s black for Gamzee anyways.
You run your fucking mouth like an idiot and now you pay the price. You hope Karkat comes back and punches you in the face. You’d deserve it. You give yourself headaches. The solution to your headache is to slam your forehead against your keyboard like a moron. Because you are a moron.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
You lift your head and turn in your chair to look at Karkat again. He’s going to pretend that didn’t just happen. You’re not sure if you wanted this or not. You decide to also pretend it didn’t happen.
“Nothiing,” you answer plainly. You swirl back to your husktop and close out trollchum. Karkat looks over your shoulder a little. He’s still not calming down. Whatever she said to him must have been really bad today. What she does and what she says never matches intensity. It makes things harder for everyone.
“WHAT ARE YOU CODING?” he asks. You glance over the page you’ve been stupidly staring at since Karkat came over.
“A program for FF,” you inform blandly. It hasn’t been going so well. Mostly because you haven’t been paying attention. Shit, did you not close that line? Ugh, you’re going to have to go back and check them all now like a fucking idiot which has already been established that you are. You’re sick of this bullshit right now. “AA 2ent me a game la2t week though. Goiing to play that before 2he hunt2 me down and cut2 me.”
Karkat distantly acknowledges you, but he doesn’t really say anything. He’ll be better in the morning. You think, at least. He can’t be broken forever. He’s Karkat. He returns to the spot in front of your tv and proceeds to start on some crappy romance movie. You’re going to have to go over his house tomorrow to get something for him to wear to school. As you’ve learned through trial and error, going to school in your clothes is not really a good idea.
Your room’s quiet. You manage to somehow focus enough on this game to actually play through it, but you watch Karkat at the corner of your eye. He’s still prodding the bandage with his tongue.
“KK,” you say and he bristles immediately. “2top fuckiing wiith iit.”
“I’M NOT,” he snaps back.
“Ii can 2ee you.”
“SHUT UP.”
He finishes his movie and flitters through your ~ath for a few minutes before starting to strip down. You try not to watch. You’re sure it’s obvious though. He squirms out of his sweater and throws it onto the floor. Immediately, you can see the violently coloured bruises over his back and arms, and even his throat. There’s a clear outline of her hand in several places; where she’s struck him, or grabbed him too roughly, or choked him. There’s scars where he’s been scratched, or cut, or stabbed. There’s burns and needle marks and she’s fucking bitten a chunk out of one of his ears.
You just want to help him get better. You fucking hate her.
“IS THAT- ARADIA?” Karkat’s looking out your window. You get up to stand beside him and he kind of holds his sweater over his chest. He’s been watching too many movies. Of course it’s Aradia. You already knew this. She’s just standing on Karkat’s lawn, staring up at the window like you told her. It’s dark though, you can barely make her and her mass of hair out. A car passes by that temporarily highlights her and when it’s gone, her sister’s standing beside her. At least they catch on quickly.
“Whoa. Iit iis. What are they doiing?”
“WHY ARE THEY IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE?” Karkat struggling to get back in his sweater again. You hold him back.
“Dude. Chiill,” you insist, cupping his bare shoulder gently. He growls angrily in his throat. “Iit’2 late and you’re not even there. Let them be iidiiot2 by them2elve2.” You glance out the window again and Karkat does the same, making a low chittering in his throat. Dave’s standing with them now. They’re just standing there, staring, the dark, creepily.
People don’t really seem to understand troll culture very well. Even other trolls. It’s a complicated manner, after all. It’s complicated as to why someone like Vriska is allowed to seriously injure Tavros but this sea dweller isn’t allowed to place a single finger on Karkat. You don’t completely understand it yourself, but you don’t need to. None of you really need to. It’s nature, built into your brain the same as anyone elses. Dave may not be a troll, and he may not understand it any better than anyone else, but it doesn’t make a lick of difference. He’s still one of you.
“WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK?” Karkat yelps. You find it more weird that you can actually see Dave’s eyes from here. You know that one day, Karkat will probably have eyes the same colour, just like Mr. Vantas, but on a human it’s weird. Which makes it perfect.
Karkat won’t understand. It doesn’t matter, though. He doesn’t need to. A fourth appears and you had nothing to do with this one. It looks like Dave’s bro from this distance, the weirder, movie making one.
Karkat’s sort of flipping his shit. You don’t tell him anything. It’s kind of interesting to watch. The Vantas’ front door opens and Mr. Vantas flashes a light outside. Even from this distance, you can see her standing behind him, easily a head taller than him and excessive gold bits luminescent all on their own. Karkat ducks down immediately, out of the window completely and once again stays completely still.
Three of them disappear into seemingly thin air, leaving behind only Aradia’s sister, Damara. She displays her middle finger proudly for a few seconds before she’s gone as well. You’ll attribute the Striders to that. Mr. Vantas waves the flashlight around in confusion for a few moments before they go back inside.
“2he’2 gone, KK,” you inform him calmly. Karkat peers over the window edge cautiously before standing up again.
“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?”
“Ii wouldn’t worry about iit, KK,” you mumble simply, abandoning the window. Karkat stares for a bit longer before doing the same.
“WHY THE FUCK WERE THEY OUTSIDE MY HOUSE?”
“2ecret admiirer2?”
“THIS ISN’T FUNNY.”
“Dude. Ju2t a2k them tomorrow,” you assume him, sitting back in your chair. He glares at you angrily. However, he doesn’t say much more on the topic. He scoffs sharply though. You kind of hope he’s secretly pleased, but you know he’s not. He shimmies out of his pants and for a moment, just kind of stands and examines himself. He chitters again, a noise of displeasure, and you absently mimic it.
“I’M GOING TO SLEEP,” he tells you loudly. You don’t blame him. All he wants to do lately is sleep. You remember there was once a time where he’d stay awake with you for days on end. There were times he’d stay awake without you for days on end. Why sleep when there’s shit to do? Now he just doesn’t want to be awake. You’ve caught him skipping class by sleeping in bushes, sleeping in class and even just napping on your floor. You guess it’s better than the alternative. You’re not even sure if he has thought about that and you don’t really want to find out, either.
“Niight,” you murmur in reply and watch as he climbs into your pod. You don’t think he sleeps very well in yours, considering how unusual the sopor is, but you don’t think it matters to him, either. He disappears under the surface and you rotate back to your husktop yet again.
apocalypseArisen [AA] has begun trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
AA: now tell me
TA: you have to diie at the end of the world to re2urrect on the other 2iide.
AA: are you serious?
TA: yeah.
AA: OH MY FUCKING GOD
AA: sduyhbIJ_POU(
apocalypseArisen [AA]’s computer has been thrown against the wall.
twinArmageddons [TA] has started trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
TA: what’2 wiith your bro?
TG: man i dunno
TG: he fucking followed me
TG: he’s weird as shirt
TG: sorry
TA: iit’2 fiine.
TG: so should i be prepared to hit this up again tomorrow or what?
TA: no. diirk can, though
TG: i didn’t think you had it in you to be a sneaky little bastard
TG: straight up evil mastermind over here
TG: good luck man
twinArmageddons [TA] has stopped trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
You decide to join Karkat. You can’t think of anything better than some sleep right now, anyways, and the sweet embrace of the sopor. You strip down and flickered out the lights before climbing in on the opposite side. Karkat’s hand grasps yours. You sleep a little bit better.