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Proposing marriage to someone he wasn’t even officially dating wasn’t something Steve Rogers ever thought he’d do, but here they were.
Sam blinks hard a few times and says, “What?”
“I asked you to marry me.”
Sam stares harder. “Steve, we’re not even dating.”
“We’ve been sleeping together for two years, Sam.” Steve tries. He’s feeling a bit desperate.
“Yeah but Steve,” Sam sighs. “Sweetheart, baby…” Sam pauses to try and gather his thoughts.
“But I love you.” Tears prickled at the corners of Steve’s eyes.
Sam shakes his head and pulls Steve up from his place on the ground by his hand. He grabs Steve’s shoulders and turns Steve to face him. Then he gently cups Steve’s face in his warm, strong hands. He says, “Steve. I’ve seen you make a lot of impulse decisions, but I didn’t think a marriage proposal would be one of them.”
Steve openes his mouth to speak, to tell Sam, I’m sorry. That was dumb. I’m just feeling weird because all the other Avengers are gone and so is Bucky and we’re hiding in plain sight in California. Why don’t we just keep fucking without talking about it some more? But he doesn’t. Instead he does something he hasn’t done since he saw Bucky fall from the train. He breaks down.
It starts off slow, just a tiny trickle of tears and Steve’s sure he can just turn it off and keep up the facade that everything’s okay and so am I but then it’s not and he’s gasping and sobbing in Sam’s arms and he can’t breathe. He knows he can logically because he is but he just can’t breathe. He can’t see, he can’t hear and seventy years in ice didn’t kill him but Steve’s pretty damn sure that this will.
After a few minutes he remembers Sam is holding him still and Lord, that makes him feel guilty, so he starts to apologize, “I’m s-sorry.” he manages. “I’m sorry. You can let me go. I’m f-f-fine.”
Sam laughs, actually laughs and says, “No you’re not. Plus, you’ve had to deal with me waking up screaming about dreams of Riley and Rhodey and The Raft for months now.You’re okay. This is what you and I do Steve. I’m not leaving your side. You wouldn’t leave mine.”
Sam talking helps Steve come back to himself a little. He tells Sam, “I do love you.”
Sam smiles sweetly at him and strokes his hair, “I know you do. I love you too, Steve. You know that. But why am I going to marry you, hell, why am I going to date you if you won’t even tell me what’s wrong?”
Steve gathers himself. He takes a deep breath and unlocks all the nasty shit he’s kept bottled up since Fury told him that he’s been asleep. He starts off with the most recent thing he’s been pushing down. “Sam,” he says, small, “I’m tired.”
“I know.” Sam keeps his arms around Steve, grounding him.
“I’m tired. I never thought I would, but…after seeing you and Wanda and Clint and Scott…God Sam after hearing what they did to you in there, I don’t want to fight any more. I just want to rest sometimes. I just wanna be.”
“I don’t know if you can tell,” Sam motions across their tiny apartment, “but we’re resting now. We could be, but you’re too worried about Tony and Bucky and the rest of the Avengers. You don’t even have the shield anymore, Steve. You can just be. Right here, right now.”
Steve looks up at Sam, hopeful. “Can I be with you? I mean, even if I’m not Cap anymore… that doesn’t change anything, right?”
Sam says, “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said. I’m just crazy about this guy named Steve who doesn’t seem to know if he wants to be my friend, my fuck buddy or my husband.”
Steve gives him a smile, Sam shoves him a little with his shoulder. Steve says, “Your boyfriend? Can we start with that?”
Sam leans in and gives Steve a sweet kiss; it lingers since this is something they haven’t done in way too long. “We can start with that.” Sam says, “We can be boyfriends. You can calm me down and help me get back to sleep every night. I’ll keep you from trying to save the world for a while. We can rest together. How does that sound?”
Steve smiles, “Pretty good.”
A year later, when Tony hands Steve the shield and asks for help, when Bucky’s back to as close to normal health as he will ever be, when the entire universe is literally going to shit, Steve does pick up his shield again. He puts on the stars and stripes and fights alongside his boyfriend, his best friend and the rest of the avengers. It doesn’t feel bad, but it doesn’t feel good either. It used to feel good. There used to be nothing in the world that Steve would rather do than fight for what is right. Now he just wants to go snuggle in bed with Sam. That makes Steve’s decision that much easier. He knows what he needs to do.
“I want to retire.” he tells Sam six months after he picked up the shield again. Things had been rough. Being Captain America was like a weight that Steve had to drag around behind him. It’s been hard on him. He and Sam had been struggling because of it. But a little struggle didn’t mean that Steve loved Sam any less, it just meant that it was finally time for Steve to make a permanent change.
Sam didn’t smile, but his eyes started to sparkle with hope. “Yeah?” he asks cautiously.
Steve smiles enough for the both of them. “Yeah. I want to retire. The world will go on without Captain America, but we won’t and we matter way too much for me for me to let anything happen to us.”
Sam presses his lips together into a thin line, but the corners of his mouth lifted into something that really, desperately wants to become a smile. “Yeah?”
“I need to be happy so that I can be the best husband I can be.” Steve pulls Sam into his lap on their bed.
Sam stops holding himself back. Steve sees tears brim at his eyes and with a few blinks spill their way on to Sam’s cheeks. Steve kisses them off, “I want you to marry me.” he says.
Sam starts laughing, probably flashing back to their conversation so long ago. “Oh yeah?” He leans in and kisses Steve’s mouth gently before pulling back slightly. “What are you gonna do all day?” he asks against Steve’s lips.
Steve grins, “Oh you know, be a good housewife. Cook and clean for my big strong husband while he’s out providing for us.”
Sam scrunches his nose up and kisses Steve again, “I’m going to love that after a long day of being the Falcon.”
“No.” Steve corrects. He pulls back from Sam even further so that Sam can see his entire face. “You’re going to be Captain America.”
Sam doesn’t answer for a while, just narrows his eyes at his brand new fiancee. He opens and closes his mouth to try and speak a few times, but nothing really comes out. Steve figures he might as well tell Sam everything at once. He gives a little shrug and offers Sam what he hopes is a bright, encouraging smile. “You know what else you’re gonna love? Being a Daddy. I think we should have a baby too.”