Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The Change God likes to think they know everything!! All the potentials for the future is the mere concept of it is change itself after all!!

They like to think they know everything, that itself changes.

There's a place, a passage. A transition between what exists and what doesn't. A field of flowers that goes on endlessly in all directions. It's the only place she has left, now that her country is gone.

They've been there plenty of times!! They are best friends after all!! What kind of friend would they be if they didnt check in on her!! (ᗒᗣᗕ)

Every time they leave, they forget. Until the universe lets them remember again, and shows them the way into the backdoor. They always take it, at least they think so. It's cool, being able to see colors.

Most importantly…

THEIR BESTIE!!(⌒▽⌒)☆

The statue of themself takes life. The universe surrounds them entirely, the sky filled with its stars. Twinkling in colors that can only be viewed here. 

Geee. They missed colors! Too bad they don't exist anymore. 

They don't remember what happened, for it to only exist in the transition between what is and what isn’t. Maybe the concept of change itself didn't exist when colors did. Maybe the loss of colors was the first change! They dunno!!

Isn't it exhilarating? Not knowing every possible answer to every question? Let alone not knowing the correct answer to something that already happened?? (¯▿¯)

The Change God flickers away from the stars, looking down at the flowers instead. Forget-Me-Nots.

Many. Many Forget-Me-Nots. as far to their left and their right as they can see. Its endless. The blue overtakes everything.

Would they run off the world, if they were to try and find where the field ends? 

Maybe some other time. Right now they have to find where she is.

They stare off into the distance, looking north. South. Southeast. Southwe- oh. There it is!

To their west, was a tree. Fifty or so feet tall, bark glimmering like silver and leaves a deep yellow. Fake stars hang from the upper branches at various lengths. They do not recognize the type of tree this is.

They don't try to remember, if the Universe wanted them to remember it, they would've done it.

If she wanted them to remember, she would let it be so when they talk.

They start walking towards it. Stone feet crushing flowers that don't exist. Monochromatic cloth brushing up those that are safe from the path of Change.

They can't help but wonder if there was a time where they also had color.

Maybe they wonder because they know nothing of what was lost. That they don't know what the options can possibly be. 

Maybe she does. They'll have to ask. 

They approach the first favor tree.

There’s someone sitting on the roots. Looking down at the floor. Wearing a darker shade top, wrapping around her neck. A matching pair of pants, all soft with purple stardust at the bottom from existing here for so long.

It takes…a moment! For them to recognize who they're looking at! 

But they know that hair. Completely darkless, cut short to around their jawbone. With the exception of two long strands of hair,  so long they touch the floor. 

“oh my goodness HIIIIII!!!ヾ(☆▽☆)  ITS BEEN FOREVER!!” They squeal. Taking a seat on a root directly to the right of them.

The Speaker of the Universe startles, and they look up at the Change God. Their jellyfish strads spring to life, drifting about as though it was in water. 

The embodiment of Change looks at her face.

They're crying (for the world, for everyone).

They're crying and…

and…

It feels wrong. Worse than the kings crying. Worse than…anything really. So they don't look at their friend’s face. Maybe they don't want to be looked at right now?

Could’ve that was the Universe breaking. Actually.

Usually it feels like someones ripping them apart. Not painful, they dont think. But they dont like the feeling of their consciousness being scattered around like stars.

 Oh me, they love this place. Where the universe can't violently swat their mind for trying to recall.

“Oh! My!” The Speaker laughs, her voice is as pleasant as wind chimes. “Hello, Change! It's been quite a while!” 

“Has it really?? (⊙_⊙)  was just messing around when i said its been forever. I. Do not know how long it's been.” They squeak. This place had a weird effect on what the Change God remembered.

Everything that was forgotten, and yet none of it at all. It's really cool!

The Speaker pauses, thinks for a moment. Then dusts off her shoulder.

“No. Sorry. I lied. It hasn't been long at all. I say…only a year—”  She wipes her face, the tears still pour. “—but it feels like a long while…missed you.”

“NOOOO!! IM SO SORRY!! (╥﹏╥)”  The Change  god makes extra sure to exaggerate their feelings. Getting off their seat and wrapping their arms around her.

She feels cold. Cold and hard. Like the stone that makes this body.

The Goddess chuckles, giving them a gentle squeeze before breaking away. 

They don't look at her expression. Sitting back down on silver bark.

“Oh. Don't make that face!! It's so SAD!” The Speaker of the Universe cries out, fake pain lingering in her voice. “I forgive you. You're forgiven. The Universe pardons your crimes.” 

(o´▽`o) HEHHEE LAKSJFIZABDUSUA 

The Speaker of the Universe huffs, full of fondness. Then her tone..drops off. “Now…you want to talk about something in particular?”

They know why.

“Sooooo…..The king. (ﾉ_ヽ)” The change god’s shoulders slump and they look down at the flowers at their feet.

They are all dead.

“My King.” The Speaker of the Universe corrects. Her voice dipping into disdain and disgust. Like bile.

“Your king.” The Change God nods. Then pauses. “Was he actually the king?”

“He was.” She hisses, sizzling like stars, they can feel the way their rage. Fires so hot they can smother everything in an instant.

The Change God already got all their anger out over this. They just feel….a bit solemn. They don't want to lose their country, but there's still opportunity for change. For something.

…The chances of it though…

“Was he a good king? (￢_￢)” They ask, looking up at The Speaker again. Pointedly not at her face.

She hasn't moved. Her hands curl into fists on the tree root where she sits. Her jellyfish hair strands floating idly in the air.

“At some point.” she hums, clattering like muffled bells. The Change God watched her. “I trusted that his wish wasn't malicious, the one I knew was never that.I thought.....maybe there was a chance...that…i didn't check.”

There was never a chance. He didn't remember her. He just remembered wishcraft. Nobody remembers her. Not even themself, outside this place.

They don't say that.

 By all means, they should be mad, furious even.

…but to say that the drama wasn't at least fun to watch would be wrong, and they're still friends.Very close ones, in fact.

They can figure it out. Maybe they can be angry after, but….they cant blame her for making a mistake like that. They probably would've too.

“The universe still granted it though.” The Change God hummed. The Speaker of the Universe takes a deep breath. In and out.

“Didnt break any rules. It's my job to catch things like that.” There's no emotion in her voice. There is no melody. “I made a mistake. Im….sorry….i dont have the strength to undo it anymore. Not for a wish so strong.”

The Speaker of the Universe…is weak?

…Why?! (o_O) They can't even hide their surprise for that. The Speaker of the Universe is in as much control of the stars and fate as the Universe she represents. How is she unable to do her job!?

They rummage through their memories. Dipping into old Nostalgia and current events, and all the ways the paths converged into a single road to figure out what changed.

They politely ask the Universe (Politely, and definitely not a little bit frustrated) to remember parts of what was lost. As long as they are in this place, that isn't very real anyway.

…

…wait.

This place that isn’t very real?

…shes here. In a passage. A transition between tangible and intangible.

They know this place too, almost as well as she does. 

They may sometimes hang out here, but never for long. They'll take her to the world, and show her all things that have changed outside her home. In turn, she'll take them to see all the wishes that have yet to be granted, all the endless ways the future’s possibilities can be changed. 

It was exciting for both of them. To see the world from the other's perspective….

….and…now she can't leave.

It’s….wrong.

She's wrong.

They've been friends for centuries, yet they almost didn't recognize her. She doesn't normally look like this. They may be ever changing, but that doesn't apply to her as well. She changes sometimes, but it's only temporary. Their friend is very attached to a very certain appearance.

She had a crown, didn't she? She spoke for the Universe! The stars and the planets and the moons and the dust. All that is intangible in the ever expanding cosmos.

 She wore that pride on her head. A small sun, no?

They had a dress, too. Didn't they? All prime with wishes and souls…and…foamy?

Those memories are nothing but a blur of shapes. 

They grasp at anything

There was starlight…starlight thats….in..

 Her creatures….Her people….

That…dont remember her.

Ah o(〒﹏〒)o

It's been a couple of years since the country vanished. She probably has some, but not everyone.

She'll need plenty of rest too, after what remaining scattered starlight is returned. They wonder if everyone who was there when it vanished died. It was very jarring after all.

….what did happen again?

Memories buzz through their ever expanding mind like thousands of cicadas. They come up empty.

Whatever happened, the goddess ended up wounded. Which is bad, seeing as parts of herself are scattered within her children. Her creatures.

They quietly thank the Universe. Not actually sure if they listened, but it's always good to make sure.

“Hey! Don’t wallow in what we can't fix! Or destroy, in this case (＃￣0￣).” The Change god pays attention to her body language  “I've already got something to work off of!!! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶”

She says nothing. Yet they can see her straighten up. Her hands relaxing again on the silver bark. her hair gestures slightly, asking for them to continue.

“One of my amazing Head Housemaidens has blessed a very dedicated follower of mine. Shes immune to being frozen in time!” The Change god says in a singsong voice. Crossing their arms in pride. 

Mirabelle has already come so far in her journey. She's gained so much confidence and is surrounded by people who love her.

They want her to learn more about themselves with it. Isabeau and Bonnie too. Those three deserve it.

But….As much faith as they have in Mirabelle and her party, the chances they win are small enough to see the gaps between the grains of sand. Let alone all of them survive. All they can do is watch, unless prompted directly for help.

Alternating the possibilities of future events…that's always been her thing.

They (metaphorically) shake those thoughts away as the jellyfish strands of hair ripple in delight, imitating a soft darkless glow in her excitement. 

Awe!!! They forgot she does that when she's very happy.

“Oh really now? What's her name?” Hope twinges in her voice. The Change God knows she knows better than to do that.

“Mirabelle Prunille Pois Chevalier. My little darling Mirabelle! Oh she's so cute!” The change god voice falls to fondness for their housemaiden.

HOW COULD THEY NOT? (´ ω `♡)

“Oh! I'm familiar with that one!” Her voice hums with birdsongs they aren't familiar with.

Huh?

“You are?” The Change God for a moment forgets, and looks up at-

Nope. Okay that's DEFINITELY the Universe getting upset. 

Even in a place like this, her face still doesn't exist.

“I am!” The Speaker of the Universe  brightens a little more, then it dims out. “Though she was really little. She attended one of the….err….Winter Festivals some…nearly two decades ago?”

“Oh she really was little. A baby even!” The Change God cackles.

They don't remember this event. Or what Winter Festival she’s referring to.

“Indeed, anyway. What is she doing?” The Speaker of the Universe asks.

“Heading back to Dormont. She's gathered a little group of friends now that want to help her. They are going to fight the king!”  The Change God waves their hand in the air.

As if the chances of them winning wasn't the tiniest twig on the largest tree.

“Ah….oh. I wish I could watch it.” She sighs in disappointment, her glow dissipating. The Change God immediately recoils in confusion.

She can’t??? (⊙.⊙)???

“You can't see through your children's starlight?” They blurt out without thinking about it.

Wait. Why would that matter? None of the saviors are her children. Three belong to them. Odile follows the expressions and Siffrin- is from- 

…

….Oh FORSAKEN CRABS! HOW DID THEY NOT THINK ABOUT THAT? (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`) 

“….is there one of my children in her little group?” They can HEAR the notes rising in her voice. “I…have plenty here and there, but the King makes them a little hard to see.”

“I think so!” They reply. The Speaker of the Universe stops. Their hair goes back to obeying the laws of gravity.

They take a moment to look away.

The first favor tree hasn't changed at all, but all the Forget-Me-Nots are either dead or wilting.

Huh. Wonder what that could say about the mental state of the Universe and its Speaker ( `ε´ ).

“Really?” She mumbles under her breath. Her hands move to her face. They make sure they don't look at what she's doing. Caramel drizzles. “OH STARS, THERE IS!”

“INDEED!!” The Change God shouts. “See? Now you can watch it with me!” even when I don't remember you exist. 

“The Universe has gazed upon a field of sunflowers it seems.” The Goddess’ hums of gratitude ring with fondness, her hair glowing like a gentle lantern. The Change god cackles. 

“You are its crabbing voice, I hope it's watching!!!!” They shout, looking up at the sky they can see through the favor tree.

I know you're watching!!  (°∀°)

 “You are right. Siffrin, Huh? What a lovely name.” She mumbles, a tone similar to that of a loving mother. “Four stars, hm? They couldn't have been very old when it happened. Yet that is still more than average….maybe they were part of the-

Static scratches at them. They must've made some kind of sound because the Speaker of the Universe perks up a bit in surprise…then shrinks. Her glow vanishes.

….

Okay. we ignore that. Because there's no point and will make their friend sad.

“Okay enough of your swooning. There's a point to all of this!” The Change God waves their hand to dismiss what just happened. The Speaker of the Universe perks again, folding her hands on her lap.“Point being…I think…ill need your help”

“My my, The god of CHANGE altering fate? With their own hand?” Mmmmm they kinda regret this actually. “Well. you came to the right place then.” 

The smugness in her voice. Unbearable

“Believe it or not Speaker, I don't want to lose my country, and also this is not my hand.” She nods along, they can see her hair strands moving along with her. “since this is your mistake….can we…maybe somehow up those chances with a wish?”

“Up the chances?” she presses.

“Preferably with a little show. I deserve it.” The Change God crosses their arms.

“Of course…normally…i won't have the influence for anything like that. Not on my own…but…” The Speaker of the Universe does █- something with their hands 

Okayyy dont look.

“But..? |д･)” 

“…I’ll see what I can do. You have a fair bit of wishcraft floating around aimlessly in your country.”  Her voice dips into teasing. The smallest ripple on the lake.

Wait.

One of her people….a crab ton of wishcraft…

“You….arent going to sacrifice them. Are you?” (°□°;)

The goddess stops. Her hair stops flowing again. They can feel those nonexistent eyes drilling into them.

(º □ º l|l) Okay happy that their worries are unfounded but also they don't like this.

“Im. Too curious as to why you thought that to be mad. Why??” Her voice almost sounds upset.

They don't like that either. 

“Well. Wishcraft is- very dangerous! Well- and um- This is a dangerous mission too!” 〜(＞＜)〜Ougggf please dont be upset!!! “You- You- gotta get the starlight back somehow, no?” 

“No?!” Their reply is both stern but shocked. Her hands turn into fists...then they relax.

Oh thank you. Expressions, Stars, Universe, themself, whoever (／。＼).

 “Well. Yes. Sorry about that. Preferably all those blessed with my starlight will return to the universe after death—“

Hopefully. They don't like seeing their friend this hurt.

....is it painful, what they're going through? Like, actual, physical pain? They are too afraid of the answer to ask.

“—however, I'm not trying to actively kill them! I'll get them all eventually, they should focus on finding happiness despite what happened…and…you know…move on. Change.” She mutters that last part. Oh me, they have to hold back from looking at her face to see her expression.

They wish they could see it at all.

…what…did her face look like?

“Ahh yeah. Guess so.” They'll just have to settle for not knowing. “Really shouldn't have expected anything less from you hm?”

“Yep. However— and don't dare tell this to anyone—“ The disgust her voice is even more so than the disgust she had when they were talking about the king “I am going to kill whoever told the entirety of vauguarde that the way to wish is to clap it at a blinding favor tree and say the wish out loud like its an openphrase door.” 

WHEGGEHAET WAAAA?? (°ロ°) ! 

AN OPENPHRASE DOOR?!?!!!?!?!!!

The Change god imitates a cough, and jerks forward onto the floor. Almost falling on the flowers sprouting at their feet as they laugh and laugh.

“I'M SERIOUS!!” The Speaker of the Universe wails in despair, her voice is as pleasant as a massive bell falling onto the floor. “There's no way I'm able to reach it! If there weren't so many, I'd have no idea what the wish even was!”

“I love you, oh me.” They ‘wipe’ their eyes clean of tears  “Threatening someone with such passionate hatred, i see?”

“I hate you.” She huffs in disappointment, and they burst out laughing for another minute.

Alright fun over.

“Okay im normal again (◕‿◕)” They stop laughing abruptly, finding their place back up on the gray tree root.

“Thank you. Hope you had fun.” The Speaker of the Universe scoffs, and takes a deep breath “Anyways, yes. I can do something about it.”

“Like what?” The Change god asks..

“Youll see~” she replies.

Something changes. Shifts. They don't know what yet. It's exciting.

“Wouldnt have it any other way.” They huff out. “You made a mistake, but I have faith that you can fix it. With whatever you come up with.”

“Of course.”

(They ignore that she's still crying. They don't know how they know she is, just that they won't doubt it for a second.)

The gods laugh and laugh.The two’s conversation drifts from the heavy topic. They recount what's happened since their last visit. All the ways that change has happened over the time they've spent gone.

In turn, she answers questions they have about the world around them, or lack thereof. 

The colors. They were both around when it was here. What happened to it? Not even she remembers.

The country. What is there to know? Is there a point? Who cares!! At least she remembers a lot.

Everything native there was made of her starlight. Mangalas and Plantains grew there. Migration was important to the animals there. She claims that's related to Mirabelle's quest. They are excited that they don't know what that means.

Her plans for the foreseeable future. She said it was a secret. They tried guessing anyway, they think they're close. She'll find a way to bring her home back.

(They notice nothing wrong.)

Time doesn't exist here, they don't think. They can't keep track of it.

So they don't know how long they spent talking, before they decided to get up off the favor tree. 

They wave their friend farewell. 

They wade through a field of blue irises. 

(They ignore the sound of bells ringing with a tear  in the fabric. A white door appearing alongside it somewhere. Calling. Beckoning.)

(That is not meant for them. They don't know why they shouldn’t look, but they don't.)

They find a small open spot in the field. Settling this vessel down on their back. Staring at the stars.

They look at the Universe. They look at colors.

The Universe looks back.

(They don't notice anything missing.)

The face on their mask vanishes. 

(and never once, do they notice. Not even the possibility.)

(That they..)

They come with a new face, in a small statue in a House.

(Don't remember her name. Her true name.)

What are they doing here…?  

How did they get here?

….

Maybe it was just really boring (￣ヘ￣).

They leave again. Listening to prayers and wishes of their followers for this catastrophe to end. Watching the curse freeze over their home. Watching their saviors, cheering them on. Yet knowing theres very little chance they succeed.

….and they weep. 

(Oh ██████, where are you?)

Chapter Text

“Are you sure you know where you're going?” Odile asks from the back, probably barely able to follow in the darkness.

“Yes” You reply. They don't believe you. Even if they can't see your face since you're the one holding the candle.

You don't believe yourself either.

Yeah, they probably shouldn't. They're in the woods, in the dark, completely lost their way to their campsite after a sadness came in.

You all ran somewhere south from their campsite so it won't ruin anything. Otherwise, it was a pretty easy takedown.

but now…

“Frin’s lost!!” Bonnie yells.

“I think we are all lost, Bonnie.” Isabeau corrects. “Well, I'm lost. I got COMPLETELY turned around.”

“Well yeah! Stupid!” Bonnie huffs. “But Frin is leading us. So Frin is lost.”

“W-We really should've lit that campfire,” Mirabelle mumbles, “Sorry, It's…my fault.”

No. It's his. Their ‘clever traveller’ can't even find their way back to the campsite in pitch dark. Not sure which way is north.

Wait…You know that voice.

“Nails” You say.

“Ah. Thank you Siffri- HEY???” Mirabelle squeaks.

“Sif has a sixth sense!” Isabeau cackles.

“Oh you know” you chuckle.

“In all the stars though, Mira. It's fine, it's not your fault.” You counter. “I should've been keeping track of where our campsite was”

“Or me.” Odile jumps in. “I was the one who said to run from camp”

“WELL THE STUPID SADNESS WOULD HAVE DESHOID OUR STUFF!” Bonnie yells. You can imagine their hands over their heads.

“Destroyed, Boniface.” Odile corrects.

“SAME THING!”

Isabeau says something in reply, but you tune it out. Stopping in your tracks to look around for the off chance you remember…anything, really.

Part of you says you should, but you come up blank.

Stars, You can't believe this. You're supposed to know what you're doing. It's what makes you useful for your party and you can't even navigate back to camp. You're in front because you're fast, but what's the use of being fast if you go confidently in the wrong direction?!

Now, you're lost. In the dark. Not knowing if camp is to the left or right or if you should start going towards the-

….continue…going..

“Siffrin?”

The sky beckons to you. Holding its compass made of stars.

You look up. You can't see that compass, of all the trees in the way, but that's okay. You've done it before.

You turn to your party, holding out the candle to see their faces.

Mirabelle and Isabeau are staring at you in curiosity and surprise. Bonnie is fascinated by the candle (that you just so happened to have in your cloak pockets), and Odile…

Odile’s giving you a look.

Ah. The infamous “I know you're about to do something stupid” look.

They haven't even been traveling together for very long and she already knows.

“Siffrin” Odile says again. “Why did you stop?”

“I have an idea,” you nod. “Bonnie, Isa, you mind helping?”

“Oh? Uh! Sure!” Isa smiles at you, shuffling a bit closer to the surprised Bonnie.

“Okay!” Bonnie’s face goes serious, a bit surprised as to why they are being asked to help, but determined nonetheless “What am i doing?”

“Can you sit on Isa’s shoulders. If you don't mind?” You gesture to the defender. “We need some height”

“Ahhh, okay. Okay! I see.” Isabeau looks over at Bonnie. “One piggyback?”

“Serious and helpful piggyback!” Bonnie puts their hands up, and Isabeau immediately scoops them up. Getting Bonnie settled on their shoulders.

“Okay. Now what Frin.” Bonnie looks down at you

“Im very interested to know why your plan involves piggybacks.” Mirabelle turns her head slightly. Her brows furrowed in thought.

Odile is just staring at them. If they had enough light they're sure they'd be writing.

“Youll see. Now Bonnie, I need you to be really careful.” You carefully adjust the candle so you're holding it from the bottom and hold it up to Bonbon, their eyes widening in realization. “I need you to hold this over your head. Grab it like I am.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Mirabelle looking up. You know there's nothing but trees. You can't even see the sky from here.

“What- Why!?” Bonnie stares in surprise.

Only natural for a kid to want an explanation for what they are doing.

“So i can see.” You reply. “Im too short.”

You pretend not to hear the choke of a breath from Odile.

“Ohhh okay. ISA GO DOWN A BIT” the kid kicks their legs slightly.

“Already on it.” Isabeau huffs, crouching down slightly so Bonbon can gently take the candle from your hands. Immediately shouting for them to be lifted back up.

Much to your surprise, your heart is repulsed the moment Bonnie takes the candle from your hands. Upset, and wanting to yank it from them.

What in the blinding sky is wrong with you?!

It's just a candle, and it's bonnie. You tend to be protective of your things, but this is overkill. It's just a stupid candle. You don't even remember where you took it from.

You ignore it.

“Okay. Nobody moves.” You stare around at the trees. With the light, it's easier to see the trees. Trying to get a good look at which one to climb.

No, not a good spot to get you off the ground.

That one might be dead, not risking it.

That one…you can't see, not risking it.

“Sooo Sif, what's the plan?” Isabeau asks

“The plan is that….” You start, then pause.

Wait. Isn't Odile afraid of heights?

“That….?”

Oh stars, she is.

You'll make it up to her later. You hope she doesn't mind as long as you guys get to camp.

You briefly glance over at Odile, who is staring back, gesturing for you to go on.

You don't notice Bonnie sniffing the candle.

“Odile?”

“….Yes?”

“Im sorry in advance.” you mutter, and Odile stiffens.

“Siffrin what you-“

You throw yourself at the ideal tree, letting yourself go feather-light. Your fingers digging into the tiniest of crevices as you grab the nearest branch.

“CRAB!!” Isabeau and Bonnie shout at the same time.

“OH!” Mirabelle follows soon after.

“GEMS ALIVE, SIFFRIN!!” Odile screeches. Oh they're gonna pay for this later. Even when it will be worth it.

You take a deep breath in, then out, then continue climbing up.

—-

Buzzing. Burning. Excitement.

The Universe rarely feels anything, outside of her.

The stardust is gathering into nebulas as the universe grows. Minerals circulate faster than the speed of light. The stars gasp, then wait.

The stars can wait. They can wait.

The star of the earth's solar system is screaming in her ears.

Their connection to the world has been dulled for a long time, but she- no- we can feel the grass dancing against the wind. The clouds drifted to reveal the sky. The atoms of trees swaying, and the chattering of children in faint echoes.

Not hers. Not anymore.

She looks away from the lightseeker botanist in Mwudu. Full of curiosity at the sensations spanning millions of miles.

She chuckles, looking up at the leaves above her, obscuring the sight of the stars.

“What puts you in a good mood?” She sings to the dust and all of the asteroids, billions of millions of years away, to the patient stars that normally roar with their neutrality.

She remembers thousands of souls in the snow, staring at her in admiration and love that they shared.

One face stands out from all of them. They were so little, so shy, only recently adopted. Yet in this moment, holding the hands of their new mom and sister, they held their head high with the biggest smile.

It hurts so much-

Exhale.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Inhale

…

Phew.

She has plenty of the universe’s spawn still in the world. Though now, they all have new names. New identities. Only a few of them have ever wished, even accidentally. Only a small amount ever put a connection between who they are now and the Universe.

Even with that hurdle, she knows that face.

She quietly thanks the Change God, she hopes they can hear her. She knows they cannot.

This one….has wished, though not with any meaningful ritual. Just small bursts of passion and effort for their little crafts.

They hadn’t ever completed proper teaching, but it's ultimately harmless. It also makes them happy when those wishes are granted.

…It occurs to her that when they remember wishcraft (In 3 days. In 4 weeks. In 20 years.), and eventually realize (There's thousands of possibilities) that they've been doing wishcraft the whole time….they will not be happy.

Hm. We will remember to hold back on those small wishes just enough. They have a good muscle memory.

Speaking of, what's with the excitement?

….

Oh…where is he?

Even through the burnt, toxic sweetness of the King, she can pinpoint that one. Made out of an afterglow. They can feel them, climbing through a forest and staring…up…

at…her?

no…at us.

They are looking at us. They aren't just stargazing.

They are staring at the universe for guidance. Like they used to.

—

You ignore the shouts from below, and find a good branch at the top of the tree you're on. You can't see anymore, so you carefully use your dagger to find any twigs that block your vision up and-

Ah. There it is, the stars.

Suddenly, there's light, and your entire body relaxes at the sight of it.

The stars are always beautiful.

As you've always done, you search the sky for something in particular.

Please be there, please be there, please be there!

—

Passion fills the atoms of the trees.

But they are not calling for her. They call for us.

“Ah I see. Are you lost, lamb?” She hums. She knows he can't hear her, but that's okay.

they are very, VERY lost.

Certain stars glow a bit brighter. She didn't even have to ask.

She recalls a group of her children, tuned in with her light. Using the universe to help guide creatures a safe path to the mountain that pokes above the clouds.

It hurts. It hurts it hurts it HURTS-

She feels like she's going to die-

Exhale

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Inhale

…

Phew.

…She wonders if her love is swaying the rest of the universe, supposedly only made up of laws and stardust.

No matter, she peers down at the one that once guided creatures of starlight.

“If I lead, even now, will you follow?” She asks them.

There is no reply. She didn't expect one. The universe doesn't care what she feels. The universe doesn’t care what the universe feels. She does not care what she feels.

“Would you follow me, even if you're blinded to who I am, or where you will end up?” She continues. For no sake but her own. “Do you trust that, whoever I am, I will ensure your victory if you simply ask?”

He still mutters his passion into life. Then they perk at glimmering stars, calling on knowledge he doesn't know where he learned.

She wonders if his heart hears her, even if his mind does not.

She hopes that's wrong.

The universe has learned a harsh lesson regarding its own rules. She does not want this one falling down the path of the king.

Regardless, she has her answer.

All she needs is one proper wish. One ritual for help.

—

Oh thank stars. There it is.

They were going almost the complete opposite of where camp is. Which is unacceptable and stupid on his part, but hey! At least he knows where they are going now.

You look down again, and the leaves you keep out of your face with a dagger, and the branch you're awkwardly standing on.

You can only hope this doesn't look bad to your friends as you awkwardly shuffle down the branches, following the faint glow of the candle Bonnie is still holding.

They probably can't see you. Can they?

Hurry up, you're probably worrying them sick.

“I'm coming down now! Back up!” you shout. You hear voices, but you tune them out in favor of focusing.

You find purchase on a thicker, studier branch. Looking down and judging the distance of the floor…

That's a big drop..definitely more than 10 feet, and the floor is basically lightless. but as long as there's no obstacles you should be fine.

…you don't think you see any branches.

You take a deep breath. And hold onto the branch to dangle your feet.

and-

“Sif?!”

drop.

Air rushes around you.

Something brushes up against your back painfully. So there were branches in the way. Ow. At least it didn't snag.

Your allies' faces come into view. Running at you with various amounts of terror as you-

Fan out your cloak at the last second, and your feet gently touch the floor.

Normally it'll look all cool and stuff, but you can't see the floor so you immediately stumble back a bit. Thankfully you catch yourself before you fall and embarrass yourself.

You breathe in….

..

.

and out.

Phew. Success!

You look up at your party

“I found it!”

Everyone is looking at you with blank faces.

You pause. Odile moves a bit to the side to hold onto a tree and hold onto her chest. Mirabelle has a hand to her mouth.

Bonnie is staring blankly at you, the candle slowly being brought down from over their head.

Isabeau's face is almost as dark as the night.

“You guys oak-y?” you try.

Isabeau's mouth curls a bit, but he doesn't laugh.

Bonnie nor Mirabelle nor Odile are phased by the pun.

You don't know what you did wrong. Sure Odile and Bonnie are understandable, Odile is afraid of heights and Bonnie wasn't here when you jumped from a much higher tree to slay that strong sadness. Yet-

“DO YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME?!” Mirabelle breaks the silence and your feet leave the ground from how much that startles you.

“Uh- um. Yes?” You reply. You jump off high places all the time. You think. Since you've never had an issue with landing ever since you got the hang of-

“That was so cool!! You looked like you came straight out of a story! Oh my change i thought that was always a little unrealistic when they jumped in from so high up but- oh change, im so sorry!” Mirabelle stops in her ramble when she notices you've hidden in your cloak and hat.

“hehdhsahhh it's fine.” you mutter. You aren't even sure what noise you made. Mirabelle chuckles at it anyway.

“Frin!” You lift your head up enough to look at the kid. “I agree with Belle because that was kinda cool, but it was also REALLY DUMB because you SCARED US!” Bonnie yells, kicking their feet from Isa’s shoulders.

“….couldve…used a warning…” Isabeau mumbles out in a tone you can't place. Which most definitely means it was bad

“Yeah. As cool as it was to see our rogue drop from a tree, a warning would've been cooler!” Mirabelle gives a determined nod. “Espescially since Madame Odile is- Odile?”

You look at Odile, who is now leaning her entire back against the tree. Taking slow, deep breaths with her eyes closed.

“…Sorry Odile.” You say like that means anything. You scared her.

“It's fine. No it's not. But you said you found it, yes?” Odile asks. She doesn't open her eyes.

“Yeah. I did.” You answer, and she nods her head a few times.

“If getting the gems cut out my chest meant we can get back to camp, then I guess it's worth it.” Odile lifts herself off the tree, and sends a glare to you. “However, that does not give you permission to do that again. You crow.”

“Oh hey that nickname makes a lot more sense now.” Isabeau mutters. You have to stop the grin from forming on your face. Bonnie has one hand on their mouth.

“Got it. Will give proper notice for bird related activities.” You nod. Looking up at Bonnie and holding your hand out expectantly.

They huff, but they don't put up a fuss to give you your candle back.

“Thank you Bonnie, thank you Isa. For being my eyes.”

“No problem Sif!” Isabeau gives his signature smile, at least before Bonnie kicks at Isa again. Then it's back downhill.

“Down! Down down let me down so I can WALK! I NEED TO MAKE DINNER!”

“Okay! Okay!”

“Volume, Boniface.”

“Sorry!”

Isabeau gets Bonnie off his shoulders, and you lead the way back to camp. Properly this time without getting lost.

Thankfully, it's all untouched. The fire is immediately lit with your candle, and you put it away. Finishing setting up camp and Bonnie burrows around their ingredients to figure out what they wanna make. Roping Mirabelle into being their Soot chef for tonight.

One day, they'll be able to say Sous chef on their first try.

Once you're done, you sit crosslegged by the fire. Putting your hands on your knees and-

“Hey Sif?”

You open your eyes, you're not sure when you closed them. Isa is somewhere behind you, you don't turn to him. “Yeah?”.

“I-I…dont know if you noticed, but you have leaves and twigs on your back.”

“Ah.” Oh that's embarrassing. You hope your face is hot because of the fire and not that. Cuz that'll be worse.

That's what you get from throwing yourself from a tree, idiot.

“Ha! Really?” Odile comes out of nowhere and startles you a bit, but you don't look up because you don't know what face you're making.

“I can get it off if you want!” Isabeau offers, but you are already shaking your head. It'll be just even more humiliating to have someone help you.

(you definitely don't think about whether or not you can handle him touching where you can't see.)

“It's okay. I got it.” You reply, you hear Isabeau's voice for a half second before you take off your hat, then your cloak. You're glad you're sitting next to the fire, it's a bit chilly out.

You wonder how in the stars Bonnie handles it while being in an oversized shirt and shorts. They need something better. They deserve it.

Maybe once this is all over you can take them to Aviary Village and take them to….

Stars, what did you call the tailor again? You forgot. She's a bit on the rough side, but she's kind. Sweet with your sister when you were doing chores. Your sister always loved her designs and wanted to learn how to use craft the way she does.

You don't think the two of you ever talked, actually. Not that you talked at all back then, so you just called her…something like…

Dream? Because…they had…your….

Your…what were you trying to remember?-

Oh your head hurts- stars- stars have mercy-

You move away from the fire a bit, wincing. You rub your head a little bit and close your eyes.

Too close to the flames, probably. Ow. Ow.

“You okay Frin?” Bonnie asks between the popping of whatever they are cooking, you weren’t paying attention. You smell chicken though.

How do they keep chicken?? cold??? While camping??

“M’fine. Too close to fire. Eyes hurt.” You reply

That sounds dumb, come on Siffrin, be better than this.

….What were you thinking about before though?

…

Right. Bonnie's clothes. Something about a village but the important part is BonBon’s clothes.

“Stars, Bonbon, how are you never cold?” You ask. looking at the back of your cloak. Sure enough, twigs, leaves, and dirt.

“Im better than you.” Bonnie says like its a common fact. You make a face, and you hear a huff from the kid. “I am!!! Its true!”

“Is that why you never go far from the fire at night?” You can hear the grin in Mirabelles voice, singsong like bells between the chopping of vegetables. “Cuz you're better?”

“SHUT UP BELLE!!” Bonnie yells. Mirabelle only gives a small chuckle.

“To Bonnie's credit.” Isabeau cuts in “It's summer, so…it doesn't really get that cold, and Bonnie isn't awake for long enough into the night for the cold to really be a bother for them.”

“Unlike a certain someone.” Odile teases. You can tell she's looking at you.

“The night sky is pretty” you grumble, tossing the tiny twigs into the fire. Bonnie gives an offended look, but ultimately lets it slide.

“Is that why you wear lightless?” Mirabelle tilts her head slightly. “I don't think I've seen you wear anything but lightless under your cloak”

“Oh. No that's a coincidence. I just don't like thinking about shades looking good. Not like you see it anyway. Also lightless is a nice shade.”

“Ah i guess so.” Odile muses, If you listen hard enough, you can hear the sound of pencil on paper “You can wear shirt full of wears and tears and we probably won't notice”

“Yeah…and..” you let your voice lift.

“Gems, Siffrin. Don’t make a pun out of that.” Odile halfheartedly glares at you.

“and?” Isabeau squees, and they can already hear the groan from Bonnie.

“It'll be tear-iffic” You crack a smile.

“HA”

“NO!!”

“Not funny!”

“Expressions, send me patience.”

Success!

You've been getting better at this pun thing. You don't think you'll ever get tired of Isabeau's laughter. The way it roars through the forests and encourages the birds and the squirrels to laugh along with him.

Its incredibly infectious, and you find yourself giggling too. Poking fun at the others, knowing that they love it, is also incredibly fun.

“Awww, am I pulling at your seams?” you tease.

“That doesn't make sense!” Bonnie shouts.

“Yes it does!” you shoot back.

“Nah. I'd say you're pulling at her strings.” Isabeau interjects.

“Okay THAT does make sense” Bonnie says. Then pauses. “It's STILL BAD! AWFUL!”

“Horrible. Horrible puns!” Mirabelle huffs, you can picture her smile from here, “and not funny!”

“I have them hanging on by a thread!” You cackle.

“Im gonna make the chicken spicy.” Bonnie declares, pulling the pan away from the fire.

“Please don't!" Isabeau cries.

“Its what you get for bad puns.” Bonnie grumbles, rummaging around their hat. Pulling out a container with very red peppers.

You don't actually mind spicy foods, but you feel bad for Isa.

“What if I give you a cool rock?” You ask, and Bonnie pauses.

“How cool are we talking about?” Bonnie scrunches up their face. “Im hard to please.”

You rummage in your pants pockets and pull out the rock you swiped while getting the fourth orb.

It's small and bumpy in your hand. Shaped kinda like a star, but you think it's more of a very rough diamond. It's dark, almost lightless, but you've noticed earlier gains a pretty look in the light.

Was nothing but a paperweight in that old library. Its not like anyone was there to use it. So. You snagged it from a desk full of papers about a bunch of technical stuff you weren’t interested in.

You hold it out to Bonnie, who looks over again at the movement. “Here. Rok.”

“Oh that's a pretty cool rock.” Isabeau comments. “Was that at the tower?”

“It was.” you nod.

“I can't take it. I'm cooking.” Bonnie furrows their brows at your peace offering, then immediately loses interest, and looks back at their pan. “It looks like a stupid crabbing rock”

“Here- er…” You don't feel like getting up, especially with your cloak still dirty. “Mirabelle, can you take this and bring it closer to the fire?”

“Oh. Sure!” She smiles without question, leaving the garlic and herbs to come over to you.

Stars, you love her. You get to stay sitting.

Honestly, you’ve completely forgotten your task of cleaning up your cloak. It's kinda weird and uncomfortable without it, but you don't mind.

She gently takes the stone from you, bringing it closer to the flames. Bonnie opens their mouth in protest and holds their pan away from the rock.

Before they say anything, however, the stones shade shifts several tones lighter.

…Kinda looks like it's glowing, but that's probably the fire.

Mirabelles eyes widened “Oh look at THAT!”

“oh that is a VERY cool rock!” Isabeau awes.

“OH!” Bonnie shouts. “OH!!! DILE! LOOK!”

“Look?” Odile looks up from her book a distance away and stares at the stone. “What am I looking at?”

Mirabelle waves the rock a bit, from the fire and away from it so Odile can see. “Its changing shades!”

“Nice.” Odile gives a small smile. “That might be a bit more than just a stone. However, that can wait until we beat the King, or maybe a rock expert can tell. I'm not spending four hours looking at rock books.”

“Okay enough of the rock. I'm COOKING! BELLE WASH YOUR HANDS!” Bonnie huffs, putting the peppers away. “Also peace offering accepted. Put it down ill get it later”

“Rodger that.” Mirabelle nods.

“Yeah. You guys have me, right here!” Isabeau smiles.

“I guess we do.” Odile hums, “Mirabelle should throw the rock at you, see if it works.”

Mirabelle blinks and looks at Odile. Then physically jumps from her shock. “MADAME! I AM NOT THROWING ROCKS AT ISABEAU!”

“I second that! Please do not throw rocks at me! I don't know why we are throwing rocks at me!” Isabeau puts their hands up in surrender.

“Yeah. You throw tomatoes at people.” Bonnie grumbles. Then their eyes widened. “WAIT NO THATS A WASTE OF FOOD!!”

“And also really mean!!” Mirabelle looks confused and a bit upset.

“Why would you throw tomatoes at me?!” Isabeau’s face reminds you so much of a sad puppy you have to force yourself to not laugh.

“I was making a joke that you were the book. Instead of the obvious rock.” Odile says nonchalantly. “I made no mention of tomatoes.”

“Oh. Okay…” Mirabelle still looks a little sad, but they shake it off. Putting the rock down and get their hands cleaned up to return helping Bonnie.

“Oh. Add that to the list of things to buy at the next town.” Mirabelle chirps. “Bonnie, it seems like you only got one in here.”

“Wait really?” Bonnie asks. “Yeah. Uh. Tomatoes.”

“If we can find any, fresh produce has been getting harder to find because of the curse.” Odile hums. Tapping her pen on her book a few times before looking up at you. “Hey Si- Gems alive” she gives you a disapproving face.

“Hm?” You tilt your head at her.

“Siffrin. Fix your posture. You're gonna end up with a horrible back by the time you're my age.” Odile grumbles. “I might need to demote you from Cat to shrimp.”

“Hey!” You squawk, and laughter bursts around you.

With a bit of heart on your face that wasn't there before, you fix your posture. Stretching your spine back straight and flexing your face.

“Shrimpfrin” Bonnie giggles, holding some piece of bread as you hide your face with your hat.

“M’not a shrimp” you mumble. Looking back down at your cloak.

“Mmmm argument for a turtle instead?” Isabeau teases. “You tend to do that with your cloak.”

“No. I think cat is still the best.” Odile replies, and you just focus on your cloak instead.

This feels a little patronizing, but it's mostly embarrassing.

“Actually, how- OH!!” Mirabelle shouts, and you already have a hand on your dagger before you can look at her.

Her face is excited, which dies immediately upon realizing she spooked you. “Ah!! Sorry! I got excited!”

“It's fine,” you reply, letting go of your dagger. “what’s got you excited?”

“I just didn't take you for a jewelry person!” Mirabelle squees, anddd all eyes are on you again.

“Oh. Yeah.” You instinctively grab the golden pendant on your neck. After a moment, you hold it up so everyone can see it.

The pendant didn't have that too detailed design. It is a lighter shade, Antlers from a side view, with two little stars above them.

It's a bit of a strange one. However you can't bear the thought of taking it off when you don't need to, so you keep it hidden.

You don't want anyone trying to steal it.

“Oh that's lovely,” Isabeau smiles, his arms crossed. “Are those deer antlers?”

“Dunno.” You reply. “But I like it.”

“You don't know?” Mirabelle furrows her brows.

“Got it a long time ago.” You shrug. “Someone picked it out for me, I think.”

“Ah. That does it.” Mirabelle chuckles. “It looks good on you. Why is it always under your cloak?”

“Dont want it getting stolen.” you grumble “I can wear it over my cloak if you'd like”

“Yes!” Mirabelle squees. “Change, yes! It looks so pretty and looks very good on you!”

rrgggg compliments.

“ENOUGH ABOUT NECKLACES! IT'S DINNER TIME BABY!!” Bonnie’s snacktime voice immediately disperses the conversation. You quickly get your cloak back on, adjusting your necklace so it's over your cloak instead of underneath it.

Now that you think about it, they aren't so different from deers, are they?

You shake off that nonsensical thought, and focus on the present moment.

Chapter Text

A couple days later, you are still out in the forest.

Bonnie made breakfast, in which you had cracked one too many puns that Bonnie has decided they aren’t going to help. Instead, they stomped off into the nearby brush to go foraging as the rest of you collapse the tents and get ready to move on to the next town.

You’re not too far off, actually. Your party made most of the distance, now it's just a small walk to get back on the trail to Valdour and about an hour to get into town, according to Odile.

It was a bit annoying, the trail was blocked by darkness flowers (Odile insists they are sadnesses too. but that feels wrong for some reason). They've only started appearing after the king froze a good amount of vaugarde.

They were near lightless, and they didn't look much like flowers and more so like venus flytraps, according to Mirabelle. They were all thorny and took a lot of piercing craft to break through just a few.

There was a MASSIVE patch right in the middle of the trail, and so you all decided it'll be better on you and Mirabelle to just. Go around.

As long as you make it back on the trail, it’ll be all good, and you'll have a smooth path to Valdour.

From there, the plan is to rent an inn and take a day break. Since they are ahead of the curse by at least two weeks, 4 days ago Odile said that a “mental health break” was in order. So on top of stalking up supplies and staying the night, they'll stay an extra day to take a break from off the road.

You plan spending that time carving, or maybe see if Valdour’s theatre is still hosting shows. It's a fairly big town, although with the curse, it's likely struggling a fair bit. So maybe you'll pick up an odd job or two? Couple errands?

ah. Maybe not today though. It's gonna rain in a couple hours. You can smell it.

…you hate being caught in the rain.

Should you warn them, actually? That if they don't get to town in the next four or so hours, you'll be rained on?

…

Nah. We'd make it.

“Plushies?” Isabeau sounds amused “I didn't know you were a big fan of plushies.”

“I know, i know its childish but-“ Mirabelle starts, but is cut off.

“Maybe to some, yes.” Odile, surprisingly enough interrupts “However, I have seen worse things.”

Mirabelle stares at her in surprise for a moment “…Alright.”

“Hey! I have got a couple siblings who are similar.” Isabeau makes that bragging face that looks a little silly. “They bond very well over trading them back and forth and finding new ones that meet their standards. It's a good way to bond with someone!”

“Oh, I wish I could've gotten them one beforehand.” Mirabelle grumbles, bringing the tent pole closer to her chest, then sighs. “…maybe after we beat the king.”

“Maybe after the king.” Isabeau nods, then looks at the researcher. “Do you collect anything Odile? Books?”

“No, I don't collect books.” Odile replies.

You…want to say something.

“Really?” Isabeau's voice raises a bit “No offense, but I would've taken you for the type to have an entire library in your living room”

“Perphaps maybe I would be.” Odile doesn’t stop after that vague statement. “However, Ka Bue’s libraries are abundant and easily accessible. I lived right next to at least one my whole life, so I never really needed to.”

“Notebooks?” You chime in, causing everyone's eyes to go to you.

Okayokayokay nevermind nevermind stop looking at me-

Today is NOT a normal talking day. Okay.

“Notebooks?” Mirabelle tilts her head, tent poles in her hand, you wonder if she realizes she does that.

“Empty ones. For writing.” You elaborate. Its fine its fineeeeeee. “Do you collect notebooks?”

Odile stares at you like a deer caught in headlights. “…I’ve been caught.” She looks away, and her fingers twitch. Isabeau chuckles.

Oh! Oh! ohohoh!

“Read like a book.” You grin, fully collapsing your and Isa's tent and looking away from the disaster you’ve created

okay now your done.

“HAH!” Isabeau cackles

“That was not funny.” mmmmmm you wouldn't say that if it weren't.

“Gems alive Siffrin, even when Boniface- ISABEAU-“ Oh!!! the sound of a scuffle!

“Aww! No! Madame!” Isabeau cries out, and Mirabelle’s giggles are heard, much shier than Isabeau’s laughter. You think of the flutters of thousands of butterflies.

There were so many in Vieria, west of Poteria .

“A-Anyway you collect empty notebooks?” Mirabelle sounds like she's trying so hard to keep it together. You don't bother to look.

“The smell of a fresh notebook is nice. I only ever buy one at a time, and Ill always need one sooner or later.”

You gain a smile on your face, Packing up the tent, and going to reorganize the bag that Isa usually carries. Bonnie tends to mix everything up inside when they are impatient. You know from experience that not fixing it will either cause back pain, or you won't even be able to close it later.

You don't distinguish the voices anymore, letting it wash over you like waves. It's nice.

“You do write a lot of things.”

“Notebookology?”

“What does that even mean Isabeau?”

“I don't know! I'm throwing pasta at the wall here”

“No. I'm not studying Notebookology”

“How many notebooks do you have at home?”

Even then you can still tell who's who.

Odile doesn't hate you anymore. She is still a bit snappy, but you don't feel like she's trying to get you. Since then, you've noticed she's been…softening up her edges.

By no means is it perfect, and she still sometimes says some mean things, but most of the time she's able to recover and clarify in a less mean way. Especially when Bonbon joined.

You don’t think you had siblings growing up, but it's like a switch was flipped in you.

You turn, and look up towards the treeline.You don't know what makes you look. Some part of your zoned out mind clicking in that you haven't heard the clopping of their shoes in a while, or maybe it was just a habit built in since you got the kid.

You don't see Bonbon for a moment. So you squint. Eventually making out their darkless hat a bit too far away than you'd like. Likely, they found something and haven't noticed how far they strayed from camp.

You think nothing of it, and abandon packing. Leaving the medkit to the side as you walk over to where Bonnie is.

You open your mouth to call their name, and only then, do you notice the movement behind them.

You squint again…trying to make it out.

That kinda looks like…

The sadness notices Bonnie, its a sludge of a slimy mess clinging to the darkness.

You.

Don't process when your fingers snap, using craft to speed yourself up. Your heels pounding against the earth so hard you’d think you're floating in between every step.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

You don't process when your blood and craft rushes to your lungs with your next breath. Coming out as a shout as you call for the kid. There's a metallic taste in your mouth. You don't care. It's drowned by bile.

Stars. Stars not them. Anyone but them. Not Bonnie. Fair Maiden above don’t let this happen, PLEASE-

You don't process the sounds of your allies calling out, but you do notice Bonnie looking generally towards the camp, and the complete opposite way of the sadness, who is staring at them staring at them staring staring STARING AT YOUR KID

You don't process when you break through the treeline, and you see Bonbon notice you, and thankfully immediately hear the sadness behind them. They whip around, they freeze, and they scream.

…..

You’ve been called many names in your time in Vauguarde.

You've traveled with more groups than you can remember, and you didn’t always give yourself a proper introduction, even when prompted. Since you only stayed with those groups for a few days maximum.

Some groups accepted your silence, others tried to put a spotlight on you, or somewhere in between. Regardless, they made up their own names.

Hawk-like scout, travelling one, watchful one, owl-loving stranger, strange one, weird-looking one, scruffy one, elegant one….it was endless. It wasn't new to be called weird, strange, or compared to an animal of some kind.

(Weave through the trees, don't trip on the roots. You have to make it you have to-)

You remember the first time someone did that, you were…7? 8? She called you a hare, or maybe a rabbit.

It was because you were scared, easy to startle, and quick on your feet. You think they were trying to recommend…a mask.

Yeah. A mask.

Something for someone to know you by. Who? You don't know. You don't remember.

You told this party your favorite animal was a cat, and since then theyve noticed all sorts of connections to your habits you never thought about.

“Cat” was a new one.

You feel like you're floating.

You can run like a hare or like a cat all you want, Siffrin.

Because. You know.

As Bonnie’s cries hit your ears.

You won't make it before the sadness lands a blow.

You aren't fast enough to save them. You can’t make it. You cant make it you cant make it you CANT MAKE IT TO STOP IT FROM HURTING-

The sadness lifts its horrid talon up with a scissors sign. Bonnie tries to run. They aren't moving fast enough to dodge it.

You. Do not hesitate. You don't have time to block. or. anything. Just move in front of the one you swore to protect, feet planting firm on the grass below you.

The piercing craft comes down onto you, and there's tearing. Ripping. Slashed right through your-

there is pain all over your face.

Instinctively, you put your hand over your eye, you hear screaming.

Its…definitely you.

it…it…it hurts…

Your ears pop. You can't see out of your left eye. You are vaguely aware that you are swaying side to side.

It…oh…oh..its…it hurts…

you cant….

You can't fight like this.

You…Bonnie.

You take a deep breath, and listen.

Bonnie is still behind you.

Your allies are running.

The sadness. Is. Probably getting ready to kill you.

You don't want to die. You think you can…no. you can’t see. You can't grab at your dagger.

You….try to open your eyes, you aren't sure when you closed the-

A wave of pure agony kills all your thoughts about your dagger, sending you dangerously close to stumbling over onto the floor. You hear Bonnie scream again. The sound of the sadness’ disgusting squelching is right over you-

You hear Bonnie scream again.

Bonnie’s screams.

You shudder, putting your hands to your shoulders in a cross. Fingers in a scissors sign, and force in a deep breath.

You feel your blood flow…the craft that laid dormant pulsing to life.

Out of your face

No, it’s in your veins.

Into your chest and your erratically beating heart..

then out. out and out and out.

(It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hur-)

Your lungs fill with craft.

You inhale, and scream as loud as you can. The taste of scissors filling your mouth as the craft shapes your screams into a deep call.

It sparks like a fire on your tongue. Your body straightens up as the craft sends a shockwave all around you. The sadness shrieks, but the spell doesn't touch Bonnie (It can't. It's not supposed to hurt people. This craft isn't for combat. It’s meant for cal-)

The sadness is thrown off its feet at the sheer force of being so close. You don't know when you looked up. It’s stunned, but for only..only a…only a moment. Long enough for your party to come and…finish…finish it off…. and take… take….

Bonnie…

…..Bonnie….

….are you still screaming? You are so dizzy.

“-OOM!”

you…c-cant….

“aUGAA-“

Bre…breathe…in…and out…

Your gasps are wet, heavy. Its not in and out, more like out In in in out out in. Some blood gets into your mouth as you and..breathe

…breathe…just…

hurts it hurts it hurts to much make it stop MAKE IT STOP-

“B-“

You taste iron. It leaves a sweet aftertaste.

You-

Feel Mirabelles healing magic on your head right as you to lose your connection to the world around you.

“-eep!! Siffrin!! Siffrin- oh- Oh CHANGE-!!”

It feels…it feels better. Some of the pain goes, but everything still hurts. You are vaguely aware of how close you are to vomiting.

Something holds onto you, and you gasp and stutter as you can't think you-

Your lips are moved, and there's sweet liquid in your mouth. You drink the sweet tonic being forced down your throat and barely manage…to not choke on it.

..you…when did you end…..up on the floor? Using a tree for support?

You try to open your eyes….and you…see Mirabelle. She's crying, covered in your blood. Bonnie is..right behind her. They have their face buried into your hat. You didn't even notice you aren't wearing it.

“Oh Siffrin, th-thank Change.” She sobs. The words go in one ear and out the other. “Y-You….lost a lot of blood- ISABEAU!”

Isabeau…comes into your vision.

…

He's on the verge of tears, but he smiles when he sees you looking at him.

He..speaks. His mouth is moving…

It's…not even going in at all.

(In the back of your mind, it occurs to you here that…this shouldn't have been possible. You should've been protected from at least the first hit. What’s happened to your light?)

“St…uddy? Sif? Cmon, lets get you-“

(Large, warm hands pick you up and you realize…your cape is cold. It's hollow.)

(It's still there in your chest, weak, but there. However, her warmth… is gone. You are empty)

“F-FRIN?!”

(You have been empty for a very. very long time.)

(You….)

“Gems alive, Siffrin. Please. Open your eyes. Please. Stay awake. Stay with-.”

(will not remember this)

—-

You tried your best to keep Siffrin awake as you cleaned his face and bandaged his eye. Thankfully, Mirabelle and that sweet tonic stopped lots of the bleeding.

Despite your efforts though, he eventually lost consciousness. Shortly after mumbling something about being cold. Your heart drops to your stomach.

Expressions, no. Do not think about it. He’ll live. He must.

Thankfully, Boniface doesn't hear or see it. You asked them to go finish packing, because everyone but them is covered in blood, and they need to move.

The moment you secure the gauze around Siffrin's head with bandages, you are all scrambling to grab all of your supplies.

you run.

Back to the main trail from the clearing you found as fast as you possibly can. Your heart is pounding in your ears as you mentally pray to the expression of survival. The string of beads in your pocket feel so much heavier.

The path from here on out is mostly clear, but with some rough spots. You almost trip a few times from not paying attention, but adrenaline carries you forward like never before.

Everyone else is ahead of you. It's safe to say that you are most definitely the slowest of the group. You are a bit too old to be running around the country like this.

(Don't trip on rocks, one foot in front of the other. Nevermind your knees buckling. Nevermind the frantic gasps of Isabeau as he carries everything he could and Siffrin’s limp body)

Your party runs for as long as they possibly can and thank all the expressions that there is not a single sadness in your way.

You can see Valdour in the distance.

It's not close enough. You know it's not close enough.

You…can’t run like this. You can't breathe. Your back hurts.

You stop, putting your hands onto your shaky knees as you draw breaths into your dry mouth, briefly registering the sound of Bonnie’s heaving and sobbing not too far from you.

Isabeau and Mirabelle are way ahead on the path, and even running until your knees threaten to buckle, you can't keep up with them. Neither can Boniface, who just doesn't have the stamina to keep a fast pace.

Isabeau looks back at you, hesitating between slowing down and getting Siffrin help. Mirabelle tries to cast more healing craft on Siffrin's face.

“Odile-“ He starts. You take a deep breath, you look at Bonnie, who has also stopped, covered in dirt and tears but alive.

You were a fool to think it would've never come to this.

“Go” you say with your next inhale. “Ill stay behind with Boniface. For Expressions sake just get Siffrin some help.”

Isabeau looks at Boniface, you can't see their face, but you can see they are caked in sweat. Choking on their breaths for fresh air.

“Frin…” They wheeze. Then sob, clutching his hat to their chest.

Isabeau still hesitates, but Mirabelle says something that makes him snap out of it, and continue running.

After taking time to gather yourself, you grab your bottle of water from your bag, and fumble with the lid. Catching up with Boniface, you kneel down and show them the water.

Without protest, they let you hold the bottle as they gulped down the water. Afterwards, you drink as well. Your throat thanks you for it.

…..and you are aware of Bonnie’s mental state a bit more. They…would not let you do this normally, not in a million years.

You put the bottle back into your bag, and swing it over your shoulder again. Gems, your head is such a fog you barely even realize you likely left a few bloody fingerprints on your stuff.

Problem for later, you suppose.

Your chest aches.

“Come on. Let's go.” You adjust your glasses and continue walking. Boniface takes a moment, but they start walking after you.

They don’t complain over the slow pace.

They…don’t say anything, in fact.

The early morning sun beams onto you, and your chest still feels cold. You do not know how to handle this. You are not Isabeau. You are not Mirabelle. You are not Siffrin. You are not your father.

You are not the ideal pick to handle upset children.

You can barely imagine how a kid so young is handling the guilt of this. You know if Siffrin had done that for you, you wouldn't handle it well.

Siffrin….never seemed to care very much. He was aloft, and treated everything with a sort of casualness, boredom, or even mild annoyance. You’d be shocked that he cared a lot about you. Let alone enough to take a hit in your place. You will feel guilty for doubting for even a moment that he cared about this mission.

Although, it's clear they care a lot about Boniface. You all agreed, once it was settled that they were staying, that their life was a greater priority than all of yours.

You…dont know if your shock comes from the fact that it came to this, or that it was Siffrin, of all people, who threw themself in front of Boniface with no hesitation. Using craft you've never seen before in order to buy enough time for the rest of you to reach them.

Being hit square in the face, in the eye is no joke.

Is…this what Boniface is thinking? Children tend to have very big feelings, that much you know. Are they afraid Siffrin is dead?

That…may be the case. You aren't sure how well they saw their injury.

You look down at Boniface. They have stopped crying some time ago, but from your angle, all you can see is their hat.

“Boniface?” You speak up.

The kid looks over at you, their eyes swollen from crying, cheeks covered in dirt and dried tears.Tremors fill their limbs from adrenaline.

You are suddenly aware that you aren't much better.

“He is going to live.” You say with confidence. He lost so much blood, he was so pale, and couldn't even stay awake, but this much you know.

Whatever happens, he will live.

“You don need to -eer me up, Dile.” the preteen’s lip quivers, looking away. “He….”

“Boniface, look at me” You say, and they look at you again. They look angry and on the verge of tears at the same time.

“He lost..a lot of blood, but he will live. Mirabelle did a good job stopping the bleeding, and that was good thinking with the sweet tonic.” You try praising them a little.

…they don't seem very happy about it. Gems, what is the right thing to say here? You hope you didn't somehow make them feel worse. Its ill-advised that

“When we get there, we will rent an Inn as planned. After we get cleaned up, we will find Isabeau and Mirabelle.” You continue on, hoping maybe knowing what will happen next will be reassuring to the kid. “Since it is unlikely the House will have space, due to the curse, Siffrin will likely stay there for the night, or two. Then we will be able to take him to the Inn with us and take care of him there.”

“…We?” Boniface speaks up for the first time. You can't tell what they are thinking.

“Yes, that includes you. We will let you help any way you can.” You nod, and Boniface relaxes a bit.

They still look unsure though. You can see their knuckles change color from how hard they are gripping Siffrin's hat.

“He’ll live, Boniface. Whatever happens, he'll survive. Even if the odds weren't in his favor, I’d say Siffrin is a very stubborn person.”

“Kay.” Boniface looks away again with an air of melancholy. Your ribcage feels like there's a bunch of pin needles, however you do not know what to say to make it better.

You do not think it can be better. Siffrin…most definitely lost their eye.

…

….You walk in silence, keeping well aware of your surroundings in case of any more sadnesses. You pick up the pace once you don't feel like you are about the collapse, and make it to town.

There are a lot of people walking this way and that, so you gently take Boniface’s hand. In normal circumstances, you wouldn’t do this. However, normal circumstances include there being an Isabeau to holler them up onto his shoulders.

….

You ignore people in hopes of nobody noticing the shade you have splattered on. Making way to the first Inn you see. The Innkeeper seems busy, but the moment she hears the bell connected to the door, they look up.

“Hello travelers…!” She looks up, and the joy in her voice trails off slightly when she looks up at you both. However she immediately continues on. “I'm Jami. She/they. Welcome to palette’s rest….you…need help?”

“Odile, She/her. What is your largest room?” You ask. Boniface says nothing.

“Like a deluxe room?” They eye you up and down, briefly look at Boniface, then at you again.

“Preferably with four beds in a room, with space,” You briefly look down at yourself. “and a bathroom.”

“…Alright. That'll be 5 gold. Room 421, fourth floor.” She opens a drawer, and starts sifting through keys. “How many people?”

Far cry from the 20 silver she planned to spend, but you know that it should cost more than that. Whether Jami recognizes you as a savior or recognizes your situation, you aren't sure. Nor do you care.

“Five, including them.” You gesture to Boniface, digging into your pockets and handing over 5 gold. She in turn gives you keys.

“One more thing, you can place your..bloody laundry in the basket in the bathroom, and we will take care of it while you're gone. Okay?” Jami gives a small smile to you.

“Thank you, jami.” You nod.

You feel Boniface hold your hand tighter.

…You gently squeeze back, get the keys, nod to the Innkeeper, and walk with confidence towards the stairs.

Ah. Perhaps stairs weren't at all the best idea for this.

Oh well, you'll figure it out.

With shaky legs, you make your way up to the fourth floor. Finding your room easily enough.

Unlocking the door with the key, you immediately drop the supplies you were carrying at the first room. Boniface closes the door behind you. They don't lock it, despite it having been locked when they entered.

You do not understand this country.

You’d lay down, if you were twenty some years younger than you actually are.

“You can clean off first” You sigh, looking over at Boniface. Who doesn’t take kindly to that comment.

“Dile, you have Frin’s blood all over you.” They reply with barely contained frustration. Their little hands squeezing the hat of their lost traveller.

You look down at yourself again, your hands got blood from holding Siffrin’s head. Having long dried and crusted onto your skin as well as your coat.

You frown. Internally much more grateful for Jami’s offer than you were when you were getting the room.

“Fair enough. Keep off the beds then, you're covered in dirt.” you sigh, grabbing your bag off the floor and walking into the rest of the inn room.

The entrance opens to a small kitchen. Three doorways. Room with 2 beds, room with 2 more beds, and-

ah. Here it is, the bathroom.

You wash the blood off your hands, put the bloody clothes to the side, and take a shower. Afterwards you fish out a pair of clothes in your bag and your spare coat.

…You make a face at the blood marks you indeed left on the bag and water bottle. You are glad you resisted the habit of your notebook.

There's…a lot to write. Gems alive.

You tear your gaze away and look up at the mirror. Despite being clean now, you look horrendous.

Your wrinkles feel deeper. Damp, barely dried hair frayed. Your eyes are exhausted and your shoulders give out proper posture from exhaustion.

You don't bother with your hair. You quickly tie it into a low bun, cleaning your glasses and your fathers gems, then carefully unlock the door.

You…ignore most of your routine. Adding it to your increasing pile of things to do later.

Boniface hasn't moved far. Having moved onto the floor of the little kitchen area. Their knees are curled into their chest and Siffrin's hat.

For a moment, you stare. You stare and you remember how you felt after your father got sick. The way you blocked everyone out and desperately looked for some kind of cure for his illness. You were never one for emotions, so your first thought was always to fix it.

But that's not Boniface. Who is a preteen that doesn't know how to regulate their emotions yet. Thinking with logic isn't ideal.

You…remember doing the same things, instead. When you realized it was all for naught. That all you did was waste time that could have been spent with your father.

You had been inconsolable for weeks.

What would've made you feel better back then? Even if you would never ask for it? Or ever admit that it helped?

“Showers open. Got a bathtub with it too.” You start. Boniface doesn't move a muscle. They aren't crying, but you think they are close to it.

Hm.

You mentally pray to the expression of health as you sit down next to Boniface on the kitchen floor.

“Boniface?” You try again.

“-o away.” The kid’s voice is muffled by the hat.

“Under ideal circumstances, I’d honor that.” You sigh. Grabbing the pencil off your ear and fishing out your notebook. “However, I imagine Isabeau’s back is getting sore from carrying both Siffrin and the supplies. Mirabelle has used enough craft to crash for a week.”

Boniface pauses at that, and slowly lifts their head. Staring at the hat.

“Do you not want to put it down?” You ask. You haven't gotten a good look at the cone shaped hat, but you do spot a fair share of blood splatters on it.

….Now that you think about it, Siffrin is no better than Bonnie when it comes to the outdoors. If given the opportunity, they'd nap in any terrain they come across and stick their gloves into the mod near riverbanks.

Despite that, this is the first time you've seen their clothes truly dirty outside of anything surface level, like the twigs and leaves that got stuck in their cloak a few days ago.

“…it was my fault.” Boniface mumbles. “They’ll hate me.”

…

You never considered the possibility of that. Frankly, it's not in Siffrin's nature. You are sure that what happened will put great distress on them, they won't hate Boniface.

…You aren't sure they are even capable of being truly angry without pushing them over a mental edge.

They have a fairly scary face at times, but you are now roughly 78% percent sure that it's either their thinking face or their resting face. It made it appear like Siffrin hated everyone's guts when they first joined your party, but eventually opened up on their own.

Not even fights against sadnesses seem to get to them. You’ve noticed that even in difficult battles, they never appear to be frustrated or nervous, at worst, they’re shocked, panicked, or startled when taken off guard. Otherwise, they are very collected during confrontations. Even when they are close to passing out.

Siffrin hating Boniface, with everything you know about them, is an irrational fear.

….but you also know Boniface will not believe you if you said that too bluntly.

…maybe trying to fix it is a good approach.

“I don’t think that's something Siffrin is capable of.” You put your pencil to your paper, and start writing out a list. “However, even if he does. It’ll be okay, we can figure it out.”

“Figure…it out?” Boniface asks, and they finally look over at you. Their eyes are big and on the verge of tears.

“Perhaps, such as cleaning up their hat?” You gesture to the blood splatters. Boniface looks back down at the hat. “Help him out a little, I don't think he'd want the innkeeper touching his hat.”

“….I guess so.” Boniface furrows their brows, looking at the blood. Then wipes their face of the tears that aren't there.

You aren’t sure how much that helped, but it's progress.

They sniffle, and get off the floor. “Mkay. Ima go shower now. So we can go find Za and Belle and Frin.”

You slowly rise as well, and your body immediately complains.

ow

ow

ow ow ow ow. Gems alive your back-

You groan, and slowly stretch your back. Boniface looks at you in confusion for a moment, then their mouth curls into a small smirk.

“You children need to pick better seating than the floor.” You try to sound upset, but you can feel the edges of your mouth curling up slightly.

“Pffft. It's not my fault you're old.” Boniface points at you when they say old, grabbing Siffrin’s hat and their bag.

“Very funny Boniface” You roll your eyes. “Now, would you like assistance?”

“What?” Boniface looks at you again.

‘The hat, I meant’ Is what you wanted to say.

“The bath, I meant.” are the words that actually come out of your mouth.

“What?? Im not a baby, dile.” Boniface's face scrunches up, looking more offended than anything else.

You pause.

Why did….you offer this?

Vaugarde doesn't have this custom, at least, not nearly as much as Ka Bue. Additionally, Boniface is not part of your family. Although an exception could be made for them, due to their age.

Regardless, it's not a normal thing for you to offer.

You feel conflicted.

“Didnt ask if you needed it, but if you'd like it. in Ka bue, close friends or family may bathe together. As natural hot springs are a lot more common there than here in Vaugarde.” You divert your gaze for a moment, long enough to not see the transition from frustration to understanding on Boniface’s face.

“Oh. .m’sorry for az-ooming..” They mumble.

“Assuming.” You correct.

They blink up at you in surprise. “Assoomin.”

“Assuming” Your eyebrows raise.

“Assuming.” Boniface gets it.

“Good.” you praise, and they smile at you. Then quickly look down and away. Their brows furrow in typical child deep thought.

You wish you hadn't said anything, but what's said is said. Now i-

“Can you….help me with my hair then?” Boniface looks up at you.

Huh.

“huh?” You blink.

“Belle…usually does it. I'm not really good at hair. It's annoying.” Boniface gives a small pout just thinking about their own hair.

You think about it too, and you can imagine an impatient kid trying to get all the knots out so they can hurry up and make breakfast. No wonder you don't see their hair styled to often. If you didnt know any better, you would think….

….

“Is that why you cover it with your hat?” You let your mouth curl into a smirk. You know the hat is also where they keep the bottomless pit of food, but it's fun to tease.

“NO!” Bonnie frantically grabs their hat and tries to shove it more onto their head than it already is.

“Sure Boniface” You eye them knowingly. “Run along now. Hurry up.”

The kid nods, and runs off with their bag to the bathroom.

You watch them until the bathroom door closes with a click. Only afterwards does your chest loosen up, and you turn your attention back to your notebook….

Theres…a lot to write.

(Within this hour, you'll help Boniface with their hair, soak Siffrin's hat in cold water, only for the blood to peel off like paint. Afterwards, you'll run off to the house of change where you'll swap places with Mirabelle and Isabeau.)

(A few hours from that, your fears will be confirmed. Siffrin lost his entire eye, and Isabeau will gently carry them back to this Inn.)

(You'll quietly pray to your expressions, whose respective stones and gems have been polished into beads and strung together for said purpose.)

(Unbeknownst to you, however, the Expression of Search has since stopped answering your calls for help some time ago.)

(Even if you don't know it yet, you've found what you are looking for.)