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English
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Published:
2026-04-10
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2,091
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1/1
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Out of the Mouths of Babes...

Summary:

Ryuji was a vulgar boy who grew into a vulgar man. His wife, Ann, was fairly used to him constantly swearing, but that all changed once he became a father. He vowed to never swear in front of his child and was doing a pretty good job…at least until his four year old daughter taught him how to swear correctly…

Notes:

I read a funny parenting story on an r/askreddit thread and thought “what if this happened to Ryuji Sakamoto?” you know, as a normal person does. But at least it led me to create some Ryuann, featuring Girl Dad Ryuji, because there's nothing that can convince me he wouldn't be one.

Enjoy! <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

After graduating high school, Ryuji Sakamoto went from being a vulgar boy to a vulgar man. He never really did kick the swearing habit, although he tried his best to avoid using them in public. 

Ann thought that it was cute that he was trying to act like a grown up and stop swearing. She encouraged him, but never minded whenever he would inevitably slip up, usually joining in with a few of her own. 

After a while, he stopped trying to break the habit as much. He was happy with himself. He had married a sexy blonde model (although that wasn’t the reason why he married her!), he had a great job as a track team coach, and he could cuss and not feel bad about it whenever going out in public.

And then one day everything changed: he became a father. 

The day Ann showed him the pregnancy test, he vowed that he would never be anything like his father.

And as he held the tiny pink bundle in his arms, he swore that he would never swear around his daughter.

But as the saying goes: old habits die hard. 

Ayumi was only a baby, so if he slipped up, it wasn’t so bad. She wouldn’t remember it, and if she did she couldn’t repeat it. Ann would jokingly tease him about swearing in front of her kid, and Ryuji would tease her right back about the time she swore after she caught a whiff of Ayumi’s diaper. As far as he was concerned, Ryuji was golden.

Ayumi’s first word was “damn.” 

Ann broke into laughter and joked that she was just like her daddy. 

Ryuji knew that he needed to do a better job of kicking the habit.

Ren had suggested using alternatives, other words in place of the bad ones. And this worked well. Thanks to his mother, he had a lot of practice saying “eff” instead of the other word.

As Ayumi started talking more and more, Ryuji was a lot more choosy with his words. Ayumi never said another curse word, and Ryuji was proud of himself for finally kicking the habit.

When Ayumi was four, Ann surprised him one morning with another pregnancy test. They were going to have another baby! Ryuji felt pretty confident in his parenting abilities now that his fears of turning into his father were completely gone. Ayumi was a perfect angel, so they could easily handle another one. And Ayumi was super excited to be a big sister!

When Shiho came into town, Ann decided to treat her to lunch. This left the father-daughter duo with the task of putting Ayumi’s crib back together for the soon-to-be-new arrival. He would handle the construction and she would look over the instructions and supervise.

Everything was going perfectly, except for the pieces that wouldn’t properly fit together. He didn’t remember it being this hard the last time he did it.

When he dropped one of the legs on his foot, he let out a quick “dang it,” and that was as bad as it got.

Until Ayumi innocently pointed out that he had somehow managed to place several pieces in the wrong spot. 

Ryuji went to remove some of the misplaced pieces, only for them to refuse to budge.

“What the eff?” he quietly muttered to himself.

“No Papa, that’s not right!” Ayumi stated.

Ryuji turned his head. “I know that I put it in wrong, Yumi. It’s just gonna take a little while longer for me to take it apart. They’re stuck pretty tight.” He shook the half put together crib for emphasis. 

Ayumi shook her head. “That’s not what I meant.”

Ryuji looked at her, waiting for her to continue. 

“You said it wrong. You’re supposed to say ‘what the fuck!’”

Ryuji felt like he could have fainted. His sweet little angel had said such a foul word! He couldn’t believe that after all the time and effort he put into replacing swears for tamer versions hadn’t done any good! 

He had never used that word around her, he was sure of it. Ma had made it very clear that he was to never say that word and he had made sure that he had only broken that promise once, in the Okinawa Jail.

And he might have also said it in Futaba’s Palace now that he thought about it…

And he did text it quite a bit… 

It couldn’t have been him, could it? 

Well there was that one time…and that other time…and…shit…

Yeah, it was definitely him. 

“Where did you hear that word?”

Ayumi looked sheepish. She started staring at the ground, the way she always would when she knew she was about to get in trouble. 

“You’re not gonna get in trouble kiddo. I just want to know where you picked it up from.”

“But I don’t wanna get Mama in trouble!”

For real!?!?! He better confirm it first...

“For real? You heard your Mama say it?” 

Ayumi paused for a second before nodding.

“When did she say it?”

Ayumi looked down, ashamed. “Aunt Makoto was over and Mama said it when they were talking about Auntie Taba’s wedding...”

That…couldn’t be right. Ryuji had a feeling that there was something that she wasn’t quite telling him. He knew Ann had a bit of a mouth like him, but that wasn’t something that she would normally say. And out of everyone in the house, there really was only one member who would say something like that…

“Are you sure it wasn’t me?” he tentatively asked.

Ayumi looked up at him, and quieter than he had ever heard her speak before (which was a shock given that she could be as loud as him on most days), said “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

Ryuji’s heart melted at that. His little girl, trying to protect him…how could he have ended up with such a wonderful kid?! He pulled Ayumi into a hug, and once again found himself wondering how someone like him had a hand in raising her.

“It’s okay, Yumi. And I’m sorry. Your papa should have done a better job at watching what he says around you…”

“Are you gonna get in trouble?” Ayumi asked, tiny fist clenched around the back of his shirt.

 Ryuji shrugged. “Maybe with your mom…” he joked.

Ayumi didn’t get it. “Will you go to jail?”

“No. At least I’m pretty sure it’s not against the law…” Not that he had always followed the law given his role as a Phantom Thief, but she was way too little to hear about that.

“Then why is it a bad thing?”

“Because…” that was a pretty damn good question. Why weren’t kids supposed to know about swear words again?  Was it something about their mental development or something? Or was it just a societal expectation? Man, he was not the person that Ayumi should be having this conversation with!

But Ayumi was looking to him for the answer, and she was far too young to learn just how much of a dumbass her father is. 

“I guess…it’s just because people think that kids shouldn’t learn swear words…” he said while rubbing the back of his neck with one hand before placing it back around his daughter. 

 “Why?” 

“I have no idea…maybe that’s something we ask your mom about later. For now, let’s just finish getting the crib set up for your little sister.”

“Okay Papa!” Ayumi said cheerfully, reaching for the instructions as she climbed out of his lap.

Ryuji wiped the sweat off of his brow. That was a close one.

They had finished setting up the crib by the time Ann had returned. Ayumi had excitedly ran up to greet her mother and thankfully, for Ryuji’s sake, had forgotten all about what had happened earlier. She dragged Ann to see the crib that she had built for her sister (never mind the fact that Ryuji had done most of the work), to which Ann had told Ayumi that she and her papa had done a great job putting it together.

The family of three (soon to be four) settled down into their usual routine. They had dinner (takeout due to the fact that neither parent had the energy for cooking), gave Ayumi a bath and settled her into bed. They both joined her for storytime, although Ryuji was the one that read, going all in with his voices for the characters.

Afterwards, both parents relaxed in their living room, watching an episode of one of Ann’s  favorite romantic dramas before going to bed. Ryuji and Ann were curled up on the couch together, although Ann was mostly laying on top of Ryuji. During the commercial break, the two would talk about their day. And so, during one of those breaks, Ryuji begrudgingly told her about what had transpired earlier.

“Wait, for real?!?…She said that? Even the part where she corrected you?" Ann asked, to which Ryuji nodded in confirmation. 

Ann immediately burst out laughing, but not loud enough to wake up Ayumi. Ryuji briefly joined in-it was pretty funny after all. But Ryuji still felt really guilty about unknowingly teaching Ayumi the worst swear word.

Meanwhile, Ann was wiping a tear away from her eye. “How did you keep a straight face after? I don’t think I could have done that!”

Ryuji looked down. “I think I was just in shock I guess. And then I was more concerned with where she got it from…sorry about that by the way.” He said the last part quickly, trying to get the hard part over as quickly as possible.

“You know?…I honestly thought it might have been me…”

“For real?!?” That didn’t seem possible… “But you’re an amazing Ma!!!”

 “But I’m not perfect…I’ve said some things when I didn’t realize she was in earshot…” Ann said while cringing. Before Ryuji could ask her what she had said in front of Ayumi, Ann shook her head and continued on. “But anyways…the point is that I’m not perfect and neither are you!” A grin spread across her face. “After all, Ayumi had to teach you how to swear correctly!” She burst into giggles again, which after all these years was still one of Ryuji’s favorite sounds.

“It was pretty funny…” Ryuji admitted. 

“But?...”

“But not while it was happening. I felt like a failure of a parent.”

“Ryuji Takamaki! You are not a failure of a parent! You are an amazing father!! Ayumi loves you so much! She’s a total daddy’s girl!! Plus, she’s always following you around because she wants to be just like you! Hell, that’s probably why she swore in the first place…”

Ryuji nodded along to what she said, finally starting to believe her. 

“Besides…” Ann continued, “She just as likely could have picked it up from me…”

Probably,” Ryuji said with a snort. “You know…Ayumi tried to blame you initially when I asked where she got it from.”

“She did?!” 

“Yep. Tried to say it happened when Makoto came over and you two were talking about Yusuke and Futaba’s wedding. She tried to pin it on you!” he teased with a laugh, trying to keep it from becoming loud enough to wake up Ayumi.

“Well that just proves my point! She loves you the most because she didn’t want to get you in trouble. Me? Now that’s fair game.”

“To be fair…you did make her eat all of her vegetables that one night. What can I say, kid can hold a grudge.”

Ann rolled her eyes and dramatically pressed the back of her hand against her forehead. “It’s a shame; I am the world’s worst mother. My daughter doesn’t even love me and tries to-” She burst into giggles again, unable to finish her speech.

Ryuji chuckled along with her, choosing to keep the thought that she still couldn’t act to himself. 

“It is a shame,” Ryuji played along, pulling Ann in closer to him and resting one of his hands on her stomach. “But hey, maybe the next one will like you more than me” he teased.

“Maybe she will,” Ann agreed, snuggling back in.

Their conversation ended as the show started back up, and after another episode the couple went to bed. 

Their conversation was long forgotten by the time baby number two arrived, so sadly, Ryuji did not get to gloat about how he was right about which parent she preferred.

Notes:

If you liked it, please consider kudosing the fic and/or leaving a comment, because those always make my day. But regardless, I hope you have a wonderful day/night/whenever you're reading this!!! <3