Archive of Our Own

ASA

“No pl-please stop. Stop. You’re dead you're-I-I no stop I hate you I hat—stop please NOOOOOO!!!”

With a blood-curdling scream Aoi jolted awake. Awake in her bed, she soon became aware of another sensation- warm and now all too familiar. Picking up her sheets with one hand, her eyes glanced downwards. Her pink pajamas wet and clingy, a large ocean of yellow beneath her rear. Her eyes watered up as the shock gave way to realisation. She had did it. Again.

Not willing to wake her sister nor raise a scene, Aoi wiped away her tears. Damn that man she thought. That scum. In her dreams, her nightmares she still saw him. Sometimes she would be back on the train, surrounded and at his mercy. Sometimes she would be at the park bound and forced to watch as the man wore a cruel expression and had his way with his family. Sometimes he would be in that room. That hated room used like a piece of meat and passed around again and again and again. And each time she had that dream she would wake to a wet bed. It was all because of him. Because of him that she had not had a single dry night since.

"If he were alive and in front of me I would..." 

Cruel thoughts swirled in Aoi's mind. Revenge cold and repeated again and again until she was satisfied. Then, if by magic or sorcery, she would resurrect him and kill him again. But soon those thoughts were replaced by a cold numbness. It was no use thinking of him now. No use dwelling on the past. He was dead, and she was still sitting in another nightmare-induced pool of piss.

 With a sigh she looked at her phone. It was 6am, still plenty of time to get changed and prepare for school. Maybe today she would even prepare breakfast? She was not sure why she still went, she hated the looks of pity, though she suppose her mother knew best and she was obligated to finish her final year. She wondered if she should have accepted their advice. Ever since the first wet night, her mother had insisted she go to therapy though each time she refused. She had to stay strong. Show a strong face. Not just for her family but for herself. She had to be brave.

The puddle stirred with Aoi as she shifted in her bed. She stood on her feet and took one last glance towards the puddle and resolved in defeat she peeled down her clingy pajamas and set about the grim task of cleaning up her mess.

____________________

GOGO

It happened again. Her therapist had called it a “trigger.” It was a new word for Manaka but it was the only word to describe what kept happening everytime she heard a cat meow. And there was this one particularly fat cat that enjoyed afternoon naps by the window of her class.

The cat, it was popular with her class.

But Manaka?

She hated that cat and the awful sounds it made. It bought her back. Bought her back to that day. Underneath him. Taking him. Those memories she tried so hard to forget. Wearing those stupid cat ears, forced to make those awful cat noises for his sick enjoyment every time he "entered her." Forced and split apart again and again and again.

And when those memories came back? It made her freeze. It made her panic. It made her feel so insignificant. And it made her lose it. Lose control of her body.

Once again she was powerless, as powerless as she was then. Powerless over her own body unable to do anything look down at her shaking feet as pee splashed over her chair and onto the floor beneath.

At least the class stopped teasing her now every time she humiliated herself. She still remembered the first time. It was a first day she would like to forget. After that they agreed to rearrange the seating plan, get him away from the cat and the class was very understanding once the full story became known. Of that, she was glad. But no matter how many seats she moved away from the window she could still hear that stupid stupid cat.

Was this Manaka’s life now, she thought. Wetting herself every time, any time, she heard a stupid cat doing stupid cat things?

Tears pricked her golden eyes as she looked at the puddle beneath her, the proof of her disgrace.

Manaka. She hated Middle School.

____________________

YORU

Her face flushed red. Groceries in one arm she tried to stem the flow with her one free hand but it was already too late.

Pee splashed down the front of her green dress and dribbled down her legs and Yuko Kiryu, survivor and single mother of two was powerless (again) to stop it.

Without thinking, and still peeing, she bowed her head repeatedly and muttered uncountable apologies to no-one in particular. It had started a few days since that Incident. One day she noticed she needed the toilet more frequently and soon the urges became emergencies. Her first time was after dinner, washing the dishes. The second, on the train and soon these accidents became a frequent occurence. Her daughters had their own problems, but the Doctors told her that she had been left with the worst scars. Pelvic Damage they called it, and what that meant (as she waited for surgery) was more days like these.

Standing in a puddle, hopelessly drenching herself in between Aisle 4 and 5. Everyone could see it- looking.

Her face was flushed red with embarrassment and she tried her best to hold back the tears. She had to be strong for her daughters and herself.

Yuko was a woman without a cruel bone in her body. But if her beautiful daughter Aoi had not done the deed, she knew she would have plunged the knife into that man and twisted it herself.

____________________

GOHAN

Dinner was a sombre affair. Wet, dirty clothes left in a bucket.

But the dark mood soon lifted, replaced by laughter, joy and stories of the day’s happening outside of the as always-daily embarrassing incident. Manaka was still making friends at school, Aoi’s grades were going well, she was on her way to ToDai or better. Manaka even joked about getting a part-time job so they could all afford diapers.

That’s right, Yuko thought. They were here, they were together. The Kiryu Family.

They had survived.

And he was gone.