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Being depressed is a different concept from having depression. It's not a period of time but a state of mind. Your body clinically adjusts to your trauma, whereas your brain shuts the door to any positive input automatically and persistently.
It's like losing the key to your happy island. But in this case, you've lost all your keys and therefore have to stay alone in a God - knows - where place with no company but your past memories. This is where all these negative feelings start to pour over you, regardless of time and place. You might be having spaghetti for lunch, but your tears are dripping down onto the sauce. Emotions hit you like an ambush every now and then. You can even cry in fucking algebra classes, and the reason is nowhere to be found, just like in every other case.
Till you sense the numbness of your fingertips, now you've reached a place where no one else is able to reach you, touch you, or communicate with you. The only feeling you still have is the impulse to jump off the car when it's at full speed.
“It’s not just us, Jared. “ Jensen said, “we have hundreds of people depending on this show, who need this job to support their family. ”
“That’s hundreds of families we are talking about, most of which you and I are pretty familiar with.”
“I know.” Jared sat on the side of the bed with his head down.
If the story got printed, the show would go down, every single one of these people would lose their jobs.
“It’s not just about the show, and it’s not just about us anymore, Jared.” Jensen shook his head gently as his voice softened.
“We need to see that.”
Eventually, Jared looked up.
They looked at each other in the eyes, both knowing something had been settled and that decision would change for a long time.
“Fuck LGBTQ+, that’s not even the slightest problem.”
Liu, a senior PR manager, hired by their company, now sat crossed the table doing a lecture explaining why it would be a fucking idiotically stupid decision to come out.
“It’s about the portrait of your fans! If a gay actor looks gay, come out anyway! He could sell it as ‘an ambassador of the gay community’. But you two Texas folks don’t like gay at all, if you don’t fit into the stereotype then it’s hard to sell you like a brand. No brand, no money.”
“Plus the market of sexual minority is so limited, you can use it for the dazzel but never as a fixed brand.”the manager continued to smoke her last cigarette.
“Think about Matt Bomer, Jim Parsons, do you honestly believe that their careers have not been affected due to their public coming-out? Just name one successful actor or actress who came out and never got restricted in this business. This is Hollywood, not Disneyland, and even Mickey has to go with fucking Minnie.”
It is a rare occasion where you could hear so many f words in a conversion concerning two Disney characters.
“You see, the producers and directors always see people in the show as objects ready to put on a price tag.”
“No body would pay to see a six-five gay guy flirting with a blondie on the IMAX screen.”
“Or a gay couple playing brothers on a road trip. America is a free land, but not free enough to tolerate incest, not even the idea of it.” Liu pointed the two actors with her soon-to-be-burnt-out cigarette, some dirty ash falling off from the top.
“So,” She unpacked anther box of Marble, starting to look serious as if everything she said before was just a joke. ”Once the story break out,”
“You two would be put on a tag said ‘0$’.”
“So, zero dollar, right?” Once got in the car, Jensen pat on Jared’s lap.
“It’s alright, you’d still be priceless in my eyes .” Jared winked and pretended to shove his shoulder a little bit.