Chapter Text
The night was devoid of the usual tranquility one would expect. On the first glance, it was no different than any other – stars shining on the dark sky, a slight breeze brushing against the leaves and crickets playing their usual songs. Yet it stirred nothing but anxiety in Ash’s mind.
The man walked uphill, cursing when he felt himself run out of breath despite his outstanding stamina. In the distance was a church – tall, nicely decorated, however the dim lights weren't bright enough to light the exterior properly, all details drowning in the darkness of the night. The sight of the building did nothing but force his stomach to twist painfully.
He took a deep breath, in hopes it would steady him in any way. It was far from common to see him anywhere near a church. Well, one could argue it wasn't just any church – after all, it was built and owned by Ewroon, his dearest Blade. Yet despite this uneasiness still resided in his mind.
Temples of worship weren't dear to him, they were distant and foreign, sometimes even cold. The sole reason why he came here was that Ewroon was the furthest from distant, foreign and cold.
Ash hates to admit how dear the other man grew.
He found himself looking forward to each of their meetings, his heart fluttering with every glance he stole at the hybrid and going as far as to text Ewroon throughout the day purely to ask how he's doing. It seemed small for an ordinary person, but not to the distant Leader.
Whenever he'd text, the red panda would answer by teasing him for caring enough to reach out like this. However he knew the man didn't mind and could go as far as to say he even enjoyed it – after all, they always ended up having a small, yet nice conversation.
Then, Ewroon got quiet.
Their meetings suddenly stopped, leaving Ash standing in their usual spot all alone, hoping the man would end up arriving late. Each time he texted him he was left hanging – no answer, he didn't even view his pitiful attempts to get his attention. Ewroon showed no sign of life.
At first, Ash thought it was one of the hybrid’s moods – holding a grudge for no apparent reason, but then a week had passed and nothing changed. It was unlike him – it never took this long for the man to forget why he was angry in the first place. Usually it was within a day that he found the red panda rummaging throughout the Regime, chatting cheerfully with anyone that came across. It was like this even after big arguments. So why would he stay silent now?
Ash’s mind painted scenarios that his Blade betrayed him, or that something tragic had happened.
Now, he stood in front of the entrance to the temple, his foot slowly, hesitantly stepping in the corridor. Rows of candles dimly lit the space, enough to see shapes clearly.
– Ewroon? – he called out, his voice coming off quieter than he had intended. The man scanned the rows of benches, carefully searching for the said hybrid. His eyes widened the second his eyes laid on someone sitting in one of the benches in the very first row. The body slumped, leaning against the nearby wall.
Immediately he picked up his pace, rushing there as if his legs moved on their own. As the man got closer the other person became recognizable, familiar. Reddish-brown hair and the panda ears that peeked out of the strands did the work of identification.
– Ewroon. – Ash called out again, standing right in front of the hybrid. – What's up with you? – he asked, feeling his own heart speed up. The side of the red panda's head rested against the walls, his entire posture slumped.
– Why are you here, Ash? – the man ignored the Leader's question, his gaze focused on his own bandaged hands. They gripped the hem of his own robes, toying and tugging on it nervously. The assassin couldn't look at the other's face properly, most of it covered by hair as he looked downward – it only fueled his worries.
Something had to happen, it was only the matter of what it was. Did someone attack him? He suspected the federation – no one would be shocked if they did something again. It wouldn't be the first time they hurt someone. Or maybe it was Multi? The scientist tends to do rather questionable things. Ash felt cold sweat wash over his body – if that man dared to do something to his Blade… He already broke Haiper. Now, Ash can't afford to lose his dearest blade.
– You just disappeared. – The words left Ash sharper than he intended, edged with days of frustration, concern and sleepless anger. – Suddenly started ignoring me. – He watched the hybrid flinch at the accusation.
– I'm sorry…been busy. – Ewron’s reply barely rose above a whisper, thin and strained like speaking itself hurt him.
Something hot twisted in Ash’s chest. After all the unanswered messages, all the nights spent staring at his phone and convincing himself he didn’t care, that single pathetic excuse snapped the final thread of his patience.
– Busy? – His voice echoed harshly through the dim halls of the Church – Before he could stop himself, his gloved hand shot forward and grabbed the brunette by the collar. The movement earned a startled yelp from Ewron, weak and breathless, nothing like the usual sarcastic protests Ash expected from him. For the first time since Ash had arrived, Ewron lifted his head enough for their eyes to meet.
Ash felt himself freeze instantly.
A streak of dried blood ran from the hybrid’s nose to the curve of his chin, dark crimson turned rust-brown with age. There was more smeared across the collar of his shirt, half-hidden beneath shaking fingers. His usual warm tan had been drained away entirely, replaced with a sickly pallor that looked ghostly beneath the Church’s candlelight. Dark bruised circles sat heavily under his eyes, as though he hadn’t slept in days, and his bottom lip was split badly enough that Ash could still see fresh red gathered in the cracks.
Ash’s grip loosened instantly.
He could feel Ewron trembling beneath his hand now. Not resisting – trembling. Like he genuinely thought he deserved this treatment.
– Sorry. – Ewron stuttered, voice shaking hard enough to break apart the word. – I was building the altar. – he admitted. His hand weakly curled around Ash’s wrist, barely enough strength behind it to be called a grip. The Leader stared at the hybrid with wide eyes, disbelief consuming him.
– The altar? – Ash repeated quietly, the anger from moments ago draining from his voice completely. His gloved hand settled carefully against Ewron’s shoulder, gentler this time, regretting his earlier roughness. – Why didn’t you tell me, I would’ve helped. –
Ewron turned his head away immediately, eyes unfocused as they fixed on some distant point beyond the candlelit walls.
– I was the one to kill her. – the words cracked apart halfway through, rough with exhaustion and grief. – I have to fix it myself. –
Before Ash could answer, Ewron shoved his hand away. The motion lacked strength, clumsy and desperate more than aggressive, but it still made Ash’s chest tighten painfully. The hybrid quickly covered his face with both bandaged hands, shoulders curling inward like he was trying to make himself smaller.
The assassin suddenly felt dizzy with all the emotions – the grief, the guilt and the sorrow. Sorrow that forced a heavy lump to appear in his throat. Of course he grieved his daughter’s death, missing her every single day. When his Blade killed her he was furious to say the least, despite it being an accident.
But he also remembered Ewron kneeling in front of him afterward. Bloodied hands gripping Ash’s coat while he begged for forgiveness with a broken voice, swearing over and over that he could bring her back somehow. Ash believed it to be desperation speaking – never had he expected to see blood running from the man’s nose while he worked himself to death in silence. His stomach twisted.
– Ewron… I want to help. – The confession came out quieter than expected, almost ashamed. Not because helping itself embarrassed him – no, that part was easy. The shame came from how badly he wanted to stay beside him. From the unbearable ache in his chest every time Ewron looked hurt. From the fear clawing its way through him now at the thought of losing him too. Pity had long since stopped being the right word for what he felt.
Ash watched helplessly as the hybrid curled tighter into himself, bandaged hands hiding his expression completely. His usually restless tail lay limp off the side of the bench, not flicking or twitching once. The sight unsettled him more than he cared to admit. Ewron was always moving somehow – tapping claws, shifting weight, swaying his tail. Stillness looked wrong on him.
Carefully, Ash lowered himself beside him, making sure not to disturb the red tail hanging between them. The bench creaked softly under the added weight.
– Talk to me. – His voice softened further, barely above a breath. – What happened to you? – For a moment, only uneven breathing answered him. Then Ewron’s shoulders shook violently and a stranded cry echoed off the Church's walls.
– I need to finish the altar. – he sobbed out. – There’s not much time left. –
– What? – The word left him stupidly fast, hollow and confused. – What do you mean? –
Even as he asked, dread had already settled low in his gut – because even as he asked, Ash already knew. The answer had been standing in front of him from the moment he arrived – pale skin, trembling limbs, bloodied lips, exhaustion carved so deeply into his face it looked permanent.
His dearest Blade is dying.
Ash remembered the warnings from the very beginning. The risks of the ritual. The strain it would place on the body. He remembered brushing them aside because Ewron always reassured him. surviving somehow. He always came back bruised and grinning and impossible to kill. Impossible to hurt.
But now, the wide grin was gone and nowhere to be found. All that painted across the red panda’s face was exhaustion, fear and a strange tint of acceptance.
– I’m going to die, Ash. – Ewron admitted quietly.
The words seemed to shatter something deep within Ash and suddenly every breath he had was stolen.
No words came to his lips – no reassurance, no denial, no acknowledgement. All the man could think about was how unbearably empty the world would feel without him in it. How quiet it’d be, how lonely.
– No, Ewron. – his voice sounded almost pleading now, stripped completely of its usual sharpness and confidence – We can do this, you’ll be alive. – The corners of Ash’s mouth twitched upward in a weak, trembling grin. – Don’t worry. –
The hybrid looked at him, eyes softening for a mere moment – yet it clearly wasn’t hope they shined with. His gaze felt more sympathetic, as if the man pitied Ash for really believing he was able to save him. The realization made unease curl painfully in his stomach.
The hybrid lowered his gaze to his bandaged hands resting in his lap. Fresh stains of red had begun seeping through the fabric again, slow and dark beneath the candlelight. Yet he barely seemed to notice.
– You keep saying that. – Ewron muttered quietly. – But you still don’t understand. –
– Then explain. – Ash frowned.
For a moment Ewron said nothing. His breathing remained uneven, shoulders weakly rising and falling beneath layers of exhaustion. Finally, he leaned back against the bench with a tired exhale, staring blankly at the altar towering in the distance.
– All this time we knew the risks. – he reminded. – It shouldn’t be too much of a shock, it’s going to kill me. – he chuckled quietly, yet it sounded more like coughing. – It was the price. –
The assassin felt his chest tighten at the words.
– Then we stop. –
– Ash —
– No. – His response came fast, cutting the other man off, harsh enough to echo through the Church. – We stop the ritual now. I mean it. – Ewron blinked at him in surprise and confusion. – We’ll figure something else out. Another way, another ritual, I don’t care. You’re not dying for this. –
– Ash, we don't know if it’s too late… – he stared at his assassin with tired eyes and to his horror, he shook his head. – There’s no other way. –
– Then the ritual fails. – Ash snapped back immediately, his hand moving to grip the other's arm. His words finally got a reaction from the hybrid, his eyes widening.
– You’d let it…fail? – he questioned, hesitantly to which Ash almost laughed due how absurd it was.
– Yes. – the answer came without hesitation, without a second thought. – I want you alive. – tears gathered in his eyes as he desperately tried to push away the idea of his dearest Blade dying. Suddenly the thought of losing his daughter again felt distant compared to the very real possibility of losing Ewron right now. Maybe that made him selfish, maybe cruel. But the reality is that he never was a good father, sometimes even believing his children are better off dead than with him. He could not sit here and watch Ewron calmly work himself into a grave for something that didn’t have the certainty of working out.
The red panda quickly looked down, jaw tightening.
Only now had Ash truly realized – Ewron accepted the idea of dying, as if his death had already happened in his mind long ago.
– Ewron. – his voice weakened. – Don’t look at me like that. –
– Like what? –
– Like dying doesn’t matter to you. – the words were painful to push past his lips, yet the silence that came after was worse. Ewron’s ears lowered slightly against his head. His tail remained limp off the side of the bench, unmoving.
Then, he spoke so quietly it was easy to miss.
– Maybe it doesn’t. –
The words hit harder than any blade ever could. Ash stared at him, eyes widening, throat running dry.
– Don’t say that. –
– But it’s true. – the man laughed, though it was humorless. – I killed your daughter Ash. – his brows knit together. The leader shook his head in disbelief.
– I’m serious. – His voice cracked slightly. – You think I didn’t notice the way people looked at me afterward? Like I was some fucking monster they tolerated because you allowed it. –
– Ewron —
– And honestly? – the hybrid continued over him, eyes fixed blankly ahead. – If my death brings her back, then good. At least I’ll finally be useful for something. –
Useful – Ash repeated in his thoughts, breath caught painfully in his throat. The man spoke as if that was all his life amounted to. Something to be traded away, as if he was something disposable. Anger flared suddenly through the horror inside him. Not at Ewron, but at the fact his Blade genuinely believed this.
Ash moved without thinking, grabbing Ewron firmly by the shoulders. The motion startled him enough to finally look up. – Listen to me carefully. – Ash’s voice shook. – I do not care about the altar anymore. I do not care if the ritual succeeds. I want you alive. – Ewron’s eyes widened slightly in response. The assassin’s grip tightened unconsciously, terrified the hybrid would slip away from him somehow if he let go. The man can’t run away, not now, not ever.
– Do you understand me? – he whispered harshly. – I would rather the ritual fail a thousand times than lose you once. – with that, the church fell silent once again. Ewron stared at the man with his mouth slightly open – the hybrid looked genuinely shaken. Not by death, but the possibility someone might actually want him to stay alive.
– Ash. – tears gathered in his eyes. – Why? –
The question felt harder than it should be – the answer residing right beside the man, yet all this time he was too afraid to acknowledge it.
Ash’s hands loosened slightly on his shoulders, thumbs brushing unconsciously against the worn fabric beneath his fingers. For a moment he couldn’t answer. The words crowded painfully in his throat, too large and too raw to force out all at once. He had spent so long burying them beneath anger, grief, regret. Pretending the ache in his chest every time Ewron smiled was something else entirely. Pretending the fear of losing him was just loyalty to a Blade, to a friend.
But looking at him now – pale, shaking, tears pouring quietly in front of him like he truly believed his life was worth nothing – Ash realized he could not hide from it anymore, not when their time could be running out.
– Because you matter to me. – he said finally, voice rough and Ewron’s breath hitched. – More than you should. More than anyone should. – A weak, humorless laugh escaped him. – God, I tried so hard not to let this happen. –
The hybrid stared at him silently, shoulders still quivering with every other sob that escaped him. Ash looked away for half a second, jaw tightening. Admitting this felt terrifying in a way battle never had. He’d faced death countless times without hesitation, but this? This made him feel frighteningly exposed. The feeling was terrible, but despite this the man forced himself to continue.
– Every time you walked into a room, I felt lightheaded. Every time you got hurt, it felt like someone was tearing me open. And when you stopped answering my messages… – his voice cracked slightly. – I was angry because I thought you were avoiding me. But the truth is I was terrified. –
Ash could see it now – the realization settling in piece by piece behind those tear-filled eyes. Ewron’s expression slowly crumbling.
– I don’t care about the altar anymore. – Ash whispered. – I don’t care if the ritual succeeds. I don’t care what happens to me after this. I just need you alive. – his hand moved to the hybrid’s cheek, caressing it lightly with his trembling thumb.
– All because I love you. –
The confession fell into the silence between them almost gently. They needed no grand speech, no dramatic flourish. It was nothing but the truth, stripped completely bare. Ewron inhaled sharply like the words had physically struck him. Fresh tears spilled down his face almost immediately, and Ash felt panic flare for a split second.
– I’m sorry – the Assassin immediately tried apologising, the string of ‘sorry’s cut short by the red panda.
– Don’t. – Ewron laughed weakly through the tears, covering his mouth with a shaking hand. – Don’t say things like that right now or I’m seriously going to lose it. –
Carefully, almost hesitantly, he moved one hand to pull Ewron’s trembling fingers away from his face.
– Just stay alive long enough for… – he paused for a brief moment, the embarrassment almost catching up to him, yet it was no time for this. – for me to love you properly. –
That finally broke whatever composure Ewron had left – a loud sob escaped him before he could stop it, and a second later he collapsed forward against Ash’s chest. The Leader caught him immediately, arms wrapping around him with desperate urgency, as though holding him tightly enough could somehow keep him from slipping away. For the first time, the hybrid wept into the other’s shoulder, the uniform growing wetter with each second.
Ash’s hand tangled in his hair, fingers moving in a comforting motion.
Only after a few minutes Ewron looked at him, face all wet with tears.
– Ash. – his voice could be easily mistaken for a breath. – I love you too. – the dark haired man just smiled softly in response, leaning in before placing a kiss on the other’s cheek, tasting the tears.
– We will go through this together. – he whispered. – You won’t die, my Blade. –