Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Rey was done with another break up. 

She wasn’t really good at dating since… well, forever. She tried, she really tried, but life seemed to have other plans. 

Rey had a pretty normal life. Normal for a foster kid. 

Foster care was chaotic. Her first memories of that time were everything she wanted to forget. Until she turned six and was adopted by the Johnsons. An upper middle-class couple who lived in the suburbs, with huge savings for college and a lot of love to give. Her quality of life increased enormously from foster care to her actual house, and she’s been nothing but thankful to them. Rey had a bedroom and a bathroom all for herself, a nice closet, a lot of books and she even got a dog one Christmas, a grey terrier, and she named him Luke.

When Rey turned fifteen, Mrs. Johnson got this huge promotion at the city hospital and started working full time as the head of heart surgery. Because of this, it became usual for them to go through days without catching up. Whenever Mrs. Johnson happened to be at home, Rey would be at school or sleeping. Despite the distance, Rey was happy that her mother’s income got better. They even got a new car, and Mr. Johnson spent a lot of time working on it.

The car was big and shiny, which eventually caught the attention of a neighbor who also had, coincidentally, bought a new car recently. So Rey got used to seeing her father and their neighbor through her bedroom window on the second floor, talking over the fence that divided their properties, excitedly pointing to their cars. She would never tell her father that the neighbor’s car seemed way nicer than her family’s.

It became routine. Rey would get off her school bus, walk over the neighbor’s lawn, the red mailbox written Solo at the front, and then get into her house. Over the afternoon, she would run upstairs to her bedroom, sit at the desk by the window, open a book to study and… spend a couple of hours watching her father and Solo talking. Not even once did they look up and caught her, and she started growing fond of the man next door because…

Well, he was really attractive. Older, taller and embarrassingly handsome, as if he had stepped out of a movie. Rey was feeling things she was beggining to understand at her age. When she was sixteen, she had no idea how old he was. Solo was everything but reachable. Suddenly the guys from school seemed so boring and young and nothing like what she wanted.

“Can you keep this secret?” she asked Luke one day, stroking his grey fur after the dog stood up on two legs and leaned against the windowsill.

His answer was nothing but a pant with his tongue hanging out. 

“Great.”

But the time came for her to be over it. Solo became a funny memory in the back of her mind, her father’s friend who never knew her and who she once thought hot. 

When Rey turned seventeen, she had her first boyfriend. A classmate that didn’t seem so boring as the other ones. She fell in love and didn’t think twice before having all of her first times with him and it was… okay. Rey didn’t understand all the fuss around sex, really. Her mother was pretty chill about it, being an open-minded doctor, she instructed Rey the best she could and everything turned out fine. Her father thankfully didn’t get all the updates; he only knew when they started dating and when they broke up.

Two weeks later, she got back from a crappy school day with a book in her hand and a broken heart, an 80’s ballad blasting on her headphones, just to find Solo in her living room. He was next to Mr. Johnson, wiping some grease off his hands with a flannel. 

Fuck. 

He was taller than she thought. His hands were huge. His body was wide and broad. It was the first time she was seeing him so close. And he was hot enough to make her forget the blues for a moment. The music suddenly disappeared, and all she could see was how his white buttoned shirt was rolled up his bare arms while he cleaned himself. And he was staring at her.

“Rey?” her father broke the silence. “Won’t you close the door?”

The door. It was left open behind her. 

“Yeah, I–”

Rey just turned around and locked it, her backpack hanging over one shoulder. She hung her headphones on the crook of her neck and there was the music again, muffled but audible. 

“Forgive my daughter, she’s going through her first break up, for what I heard,” she heard her father saying in a low voice. She didn’t hear an answer, so she assumed he just nodded. But still, what a nice thing to hear about yourself.

When she turned back around to cross the living room to take the stairs, her father talked again, halfway into the kitchen.

“Rey, have you met Ben Solo, our neighbor?”

She blinked, trying to stay focused.

“I– No. Nice to meet you, Mr. Solo,” she extended her right hand.

“Please, call me Ben,” his voice was deep. Rey instantly knew this would be a problem. “Nice to meet you, too, Rey.”

He looked at his own hand and it still held some spots of grease and he shrugged. Rey pulled back her hand, thinking maybe it was best she had not touched him. 

“Ben. I’ll go study now.”

He showed a soft smile, the kind of smile one gives at kids when they are doing stuff kids do. Because that’s how he sees me, Rey thought.

“I’m sorry for the heartbreak,” he said with that voice again, tilting his head at her headphones. “If you can’t get over it studying, I’m sure a Bon Jovi album will do.”

Rey felt her cheeks flushing, which only gave her the chance to say something like yeah, sure, before she could take the stairs to her room. But it was impossible to focus on a book knowing Ben Solo was downstairs talking to her father so casually.

She had to get used to it, because Ben became a frequent guest in their house. She noticed he lived alone and seemed to have a lot of money - not only because of the expensive car, but his house was in constant makeovers -, and he didn’t get many guests himself. There was a mysterious air surrounding him, and Rey thought this turned him even hotter. 

At the edge of eighteen, Rey would spend most of her days locked in her room, reading, writing, applying to Ivy Leagues, trying to tune out from the songs that came from downstairs. Always 80’s songs. And her parents grew closer to him. He was invited to Sunday BBQ and to join them at a pool match in their basement. Ben would also frequently recommend gardeners or a nice lawn trimming company and the Johnsons would thank him for the suggestions.

It was only when she left for college that her mind truly drifted away from him. She missed Luke and her teenage room, but college was a whole other world, and oh, she lived it. Of course, she was a responsible student, never missed a class, but she never missed a party, either. Fraternity parties were insane nights, and for a semester she thought she was built for casual sex. 

It was way easier than a relationship. She wouldn’t need to worry about guys cheating on her; a condom and an Implanon were effective as hell; and she never caught feelings. Thank god for the age of freedom. The first problem was, when Rey was about to return home for Thanksgiving, she was talking to a friend who was very much in love with her boyfriend when Rey realized… she’d never came with those men, only by herself. So the ride home was terrible, her head against the train window, wondering what it was worth to be with a lot of people if she’d never felt what she was supposed to feel? 

When she got downstairs to the dinner room on Thanksgiving day, Rey got a surprised look on her face when she saw four plates set at the table. 

“Oh, sweetie, Ben is having dinner with us,” her mother said, simply. “He’s so alone, you know, so your father and I thought of inviting him over.”

Great.

Less than an hour later, Ben took a seat right across Rey at the table, a steamy turkey between them, and the Johnsons talking about how the fall was colder this year. But Rey could swear it wasn’t.

“So, Rey,” her father started in the middle of dinner. “Any first impressions of college?”

“It is… great. Really.”

“And you’re doing fine with the courses?”

“Up ‘til now, yeah, I am.”

“What are you studying?” Ben asked, not all of a sudden. He was attentive to the conversation. 

“English.”

He raised his brows, impressed. “Really? What’s your favorite book?”

Rey thought it wouldn’t be smart to say the title of an AO3 fanfic which had age gap as its first tag, so she just said…

“Emma.”

Ben kept his impressive face, while the Johnsons were so proud of their daughter, reading classics like an intellectual. 

“Would you say Emma and Mr. Knightley make a good couple?”

She dropped the cutlery immediately, making a metallic clinking sound. Her father found it funny. For a moment, the only sound came from Luke’s little corner, where he was devouring his dog food. They were all waiting for her answer.

“Well, I believe their age difference is problematic,” Rey could swear she caught Ben holding a smirk. “But it’s her coming of age, Emma changes, and so does Mr. Knightley. I like to think they changed towards each other, to be together.”

Was he actually teasing her? Rey didn’t extend her answer, she wasn’t in a literary analysis class, but she noticed he stayed silent and seemed satisfied. 

“Talking about couples,” Mrs. Johnson took that as her cue. “I thought you’d find a new boyfriend, Rey.”

“Oh,” Rey was suddenly reminded of her adventures and her most recent sadness, looking down at her own plate. “It’s only been my first semester. But I’m not sure I’ll find what I’m looking for over there.”

When her mother started telling the story of how she and her father met, Rey knew she could zone out. She had listened to it at least a thousand times. But it seemed it was Ben’s first time hearing it, so he kept nodding and laughing at little details Mrs. Johnson would share, just to have her husband adding his own point of view of the same story.

But Rey could swear Ben looked over at her a few times, at her hairstyle and how some loose strands of hair were falling down her neck. His gaze could burn her skin from inches away.

She would never tell her parents how disappointed she got a month later, at Christmas, when she went back home for the Holidays and found out Ben was abroad. His car stayed parked inside his garage while snow grew all around it. Rey thought it would be electrifying to take a ride in his car next to him. It had leather seats, the kind that sticks to your skin when you’re sweating, and when she started wondering why she would be sweating in his car, the paths her mind took led her to a dangerous state.

And Rey would absolutely tell no one how she spent almost every night of that holiday season thinking about fucking her hot older neighbor. Once her bedroom door was locked and the late hours would linger on, she’d be thinking about them. In his car, in a motel bedroom, in the shower, in her house’s basement, and he would always be oh, so guilty, because she is so much younger but he simply can’t pull away from her. 

The next time she’d see him would be at Easter. 

But in the meantime, Rey found a boyfriend in college. It lasted all her second term and he was a great guy, really. And she really liked him, thought they would look good together. Unfortunately, they started fighting a lot and he became another guy who was never able to make her come and Rey decided to break up right before Easter. Maybe she should just go back to casual sex, it was easier. She was home again with a broken heart and a couple of books to read and review.

Rey was nineteen and Ben was… How old was he? She still didn’t know, but it didn’t matter because they would never do anything. He was just her dad’s best friend, who sees her as a teenager and probably forgets about her the moment she gets upstairs. 

Her room was different now, sober colors on the walls and new bedsheets to match, but it was still the same place Rey used to read in and look from the window when she was younger. She had to finish her essay on Nabokov’s literary critiques after lunch, and her mother was paged to run urgently to the hospital, so Rey thought she was home alone when she heard it. Her father walked in talking loudly about gears and steering wheels and a deep voice answered him.

Why does Ben make all college boys seem so uninsteresting? Maybe it would be a good idea to see if he had changed. If he suddenly turned into a creepy and ugly old man. So she got to the first floor and… he did change. For the better. 

Fuck, he was even stronger now. The dark hair just a little bit longer, falling over his neck, eyes just as dark and that light blue buttoned shirt left her wondering what was below the fabric.

“Rey,” Ben seemed surprised to see her. “It’s been a while. How’s college?”

Luke was jumping over her legs, asking for treats, and Rey tried to act normal at the sight of that man, so she reached the treat bag at the kitchen hanging cabinet and gave Luke a few.

“It’s fine,” she answered.

If by ‘fine’ you mean ‘I’m a good student but can’t seem to get actually attached to anyone for more than a few months and nothing but my good grades makes me feel good about myself right now’, yeah, it’s fine.

“You don’t seem very fine,” he searched her expression. Rey felt as if he could see through her soul and she got terrified he might find out what she had been thinking about him months ago.

“Oh, that,” Mr. Johnson stepped in their conversation. He was there the whole time, after all. “You’re not together anymore, right? I thought we’d meet the guy this time.”

He was referring to Rey’s latest boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. She never got to introduce him to her parents and a disappointment took over her face and she looked down at her feet.

“No, we’re not.”

Her father tapped her shoulders like he was saying maybe next time, and he left to the backyard with Luke.

Ben took a step back and leaned against the kitchen counter. They were alone in the room now. “I’m sorry for the break up.”

Rey could swear she’s heard something like this before.

“It’s okay,” she took a glass and poured some water into it. “I’m used to it, by now.”

“Used to break ups at nineteen?” He put a sarcastic smile on his face. “You’re nineteen, right?”

She nodded. “Guess I’m not that lucky in dating.”

“Maybe you should have some fun before looking for something serious,” his voice was somewhere between an advice and the most teasing tone she’d ever heard. “You’re so young. A freshman in college. It’s okay to take your time to find out what you like and enjoy the ride. As long as you get your degree at the end, of course.” 

Rey realized this was the first time they were actually talking to each other, using real sentences. And alone in the house. The water in her glass untouched. She allowed herself to look at him. She could look at him, right? Ben was looking down at her Whitesnake t-shirt.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”

“I’m forty.” 

Fuck. Ben Solo was forty fucking years old. She slightly raised her brows and a silence fell upon them. His voice echoed in her mind. You should have some fun. Take your time to find what you like.

“Way too old, I know,” he chuckled, since she didn’t answer anything.

“No! No, I didn’t mean to–”

“Rey, I know–”

“I don’t think you’re old,” she said abruptly. 

He was older than her, but still nowhere near the edge of global life expectancy. God, what was she thinking?

“And I bet you took your time to have a lot of fun.” 

Where were these words coming from? Something got over her and she knew she couldn’t stay there much longer.

“I did.” He suddenly became serious, there was no longer a smile on his face. “That’s why I told you to do the same for yourself. You’ll eventually find out you deserve better than those fraternity boys. But until then, you should enjoy it.”

Rey nodded.

The next time she’d see Ben, she’d be dating. And this time it was serious. When she turned twenty, she met a guy named Armie, who was twenty-four, an older brother of her college friend. They met at an intercollegiate conference right after she got back to campus and it clicked instantly. He was smart, gentle with her, good-looking and the sex was… better than average. By all means, she was happy. They even attended a Halloween party dressed up as a horror movie couple. 

It was Thanksgiving again, a cold November, and she finally got to introduce Armie to her parents. The table was already set, but they were still on the couch, waiting for the turkey to be done.

“So, how long have you been together?” her mother asked, looking happily from Rey to the guy.

“Since… late April, right?” he answered, looking at Rey to be sure. She nodded.

“And you met in college, right? Because you seem older than our little Rey,” her father narrowed his eyes.

“Yes, but I go somewhere else. I’m twenty-four, Mr. Johnson, and I’m about to start grad school in Social Studies,” he paused and Rey’s father seemed glad the guy had an aspiration in life. “We met at an intercollegiate event, my sister introduced us.”

“Grad school, you said? That’s great, we hope Rey will attend one, too.”

Rey was a bit shy, not talking much, but she was happy to see how it was turning out. They were all getting along. Armie started petting Luke, scratching his head without a hurry.

That’s when she heard three knocks upon the door.

“Oh, Rey,” her mother said, getting up and walking towards the door. “I forgot to mention we invited Ben again this year. He’s our lonely neighbor.” This last part was explained to Armie.

Suddenly, Ben was crossing the threshold and walking into the living room, holding an apple pie in his hands. And Rey froze at his sight for a heartbeat. How could it be possible for him to get even more handsome as time went by? But she kept sitting politely by her boyfriend’s side, trying not to show there was another man in the room she’d always find way more interesting. 

Ben stopped to hand the pie to Mrs. Johnson when he noticed a new face in the room.

“Ben, have you met Armie, Rey’s boyfriend?” her mother walked back to the kitchen, passing beside the couch he was sitting on and pointing with her head to Ben. Rey’s father followed her to take the turkey out of the oven.

He confidently got up and extended his hand to greet Ben. “Ben! Nice to meet you, I’m–”

“Mr. Solo,” he corrected. “Nice to meet you, too.”

They shook hands as if it was nothing, and Rey looked at her poor boyfriend with a confused look. She didn’t know why Ben acted like this.

During dinner, they were all in a small talk about the weather and plans for the upcoming winter, when Ben turned to Armie and asked him…

“What are you studying again?”

“Social Studies. I’m about to start grad school.”

Ben pretended to be impressed. “Wow. Which field?”

“Sociology. Studying human behavior in different communities.”

“That’s really interesting, Archie. Can you pass the salt?”

“It’s Armie, Mr. Solo,” he said, passing Ben the salt with his jaw clenched.

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson looked at each other intrigued by their talk. Rey was silent, but shaking inside. Not even her father had been so unfriendly. Ben did not apologize for the misnaming. 

“Rey studies English, right?” Ben looked at her and she nodded. “I suppose you two must talk a lot about academic life.”

“We actually get along pretty well outside academia, too…” Rey finally spoke up, with a firm voice. “For the last seven months.”

Why was Ben being hostile to Armie? He’d always talked so nicely to Rey and the Johnsons. But Rey would not give in.

“We’re about to get tickets for The Weeknd, right, babe?” Armie asked her, and she was sure he had also noticed Ben’s weird posture.

“The Weeknd? Are you sure you’re dating Rey Johnson? For what we know…” Ben chuckled, looking at her parents for endorsement. “She only listens to eighties metal rock.”

It was true. And poor Armie felt with no way out, because no one could disagree with Ben. But Rey had already decided she wouldn’t take this shit.

“Well, yeah, but the eighties are long gone. It’s good to update on newer things,” Rey stated, putting an end to the subject.

Ben spent the rest of dinner visibly moody, while Armie and Rey were affectionate and sweet to one another. Whenever Armie rested his hand on Rey’s thigh, Ben would look away. And whenever Rey remembered somewhere they went on a date, Ben would talk about something entirely different.

Rey said no when she was handed a piece of Ben’s apple pie.

When the night was over, Armie was the first one who got upstairs to take a shower. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson stayed in the kitchen putting everything back into place when Ben said goodnight.

“I’ll walk you out,” Rey said in a rigid voice. 

They got onto the front porch, the main door closed behind them and Rey crossed her arms to face him. He was still hard to look at. Outside the house, his cologne was stronger than anything. But Rey was tired, she just wanted to let him know he had no right to act like he did.

“Ben, what are you doing?”

“I hope you’re having fun.” He was apparently unbothered by the cold weather, only putting his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes. 

“I am having an amazing time with him. Do you think you have any say in my decisions just because you’re older and have known me longer? You’re just–”

“It’s not about power, Rey,” he interrupted, with his voice down, but firm. “It’s just funny to think you settled for a silly boy like him. Archie, Armie, it doesn’t matter. You’re selling yourself short. He doesn’t even know what you like–”

“And do you? Do you think you know me any better than the few times we’ve been in the same room?”

“I bet he doesn’t deliver what you need.”

She flushed. First because she didn’t believe his words, how he dared to imply such a thing. Second, because he was right. Rey took a step towards him.

“If he’s twenty-four and he’s a silly boy, what am I?” Her voice faltered when she stared into his eyes, but she had to verbalize it. “What I need is not of your concern. Whether he delivers it or not, is none of your concern, either. But you can chill about it, because I am having fun. Taking my time to know what I like, right? Wasn’t that your advice?”

She only had a second to see his brows furrowed and half a pissed-off sigh out of his mouth before she turned around, walked back into the house and slammed the door behind her.

The thing that kept her up all night was what Ben said to her last. I bet he doesn’t deliver what you need. How did he have the audacity to say that? It was almost as if he knew that the best pleasure she ever had was by herself, thinking of him. That doesn’t mean Ben would deliver what she needed, of course. But something inside her was excited to think he would. God, she hated him. 

She hated him even more the next time she fucked her boyfriend thinking about Ben. Even more so when, everytime she wouldn’t think of him, she would wait for Armie to fall asleep just to come by herself thinking of Ben. But the worst she ever hated him was when she decided to break up with Armie because “it’s not working out anymore”, when she realized he might even have been a good boyfriend, but he never really matched her wants and needs. And Rey would never tell him that, she was guilty enough just by taking the decision. 

At twenty-one, she was single again. 

So, yeah, Rey was pretty much done with another break up. 

Maybe her younger self was right, she was built for casual sex, maybe not even for reaching the peak, but for one night-stands she would forget next morning. She couldn’t keep handling these aftermaths over and over. 

Besides, college was almost done. Rey was a senior now, worrying about her undergraduate thesis, grad school applications, and most of all, she was exhausted. She absolutely needed to rest. That’s why she decided to head back to her parents’ for the Spring break after midterms, no books to read, no essays to write. Just a moment to unfocus from everything.

Everything was exactly like the last time she was there. Quiet and still, except for Luke, a little older now, but still couldn’t stop jumping over her when she got home. 

“Good boy! You’re my good boy!” 

Rey dropped her bags onto her bed and the house seemed empty, silent. She called for her parents, and for a minute she really thought she was alone. Until her father opened up the basement door.

“Rey? You’re here!” He hugged her. “How are things going?”

“Just… the usual. I needed a break after the terms.”

Mr. Johnson gestured for her to follow him down to the basement. “We’re playing pool. You can rest now.”

That’s what I need, she thought as she went downstairs. Rest.

“Your mom is working,” her father said on the last step.

Rey stopped when she realized that “we” meant her father and Ben. They were playing together, some classic rock as background noise. Ben was waiting by the pool table, holding a cue stick next to his hip. 

And god, he was smoking hot. Tall as ever, wearing dark jeans and a buttoned flannel, eyes as dark as the night. Funny, because she was wearing jeans and an oversized flannel on top of her band t-shirt. Rey spent some time telling herself she hadn’t broken up with Armie because of Ben, Ben just made her aware of some things, which led to the break up. However, the last time they’d seen each other was raw and she wasn’t sure how it would go this time.

“Rey,” Ben said when he saw her. “Are you joining us?” 

Apparently, it would go as if last time never happened. 

“I’ll begin next round,” she took a seat in a family-sized leather couch near the wall and watched them end the match, Ben winning by far. 

She wasn’t a pro at the game, but she could make some good shots. When she got up to play, her father’s phone beeped. 

“It’s the mechanic,” he was reading the screen. “He said the new tires had just arrived. I should go there before they go out of stock again. But you two should play.”

Ben nodded like he understood this was really urgent. Mr. Johnson turned around and started to take the stairs.

“Where is this place you’re going?” Rey asked her father.

“Oh, it’s on the other side of town. Don’t worry, there’s food and drinks in the kitchen, and I’ll be back in a few hours.” 

Once he disappeared, Ben and Rey were alone in the basement. 

Rey got up from the armchair, unsure about how things would go now that they were alone.

“Still wanna play?”

“I’m in if you’re in.” He was holding the rack on the green felt, looking at her as if he was waiting for her decision.

Her eyes narrowed into his. She could say no, turn around and ask him to leave. She could say they should leave it for another time. She could ignore that fucked up feeling she had between her thighs just by looking at him. 

But then again, isn't it all about having fun?

“Let’s play, then.”

Chapter Text

Rey had played pool far too many times in her life, more than she could remember. She knew the rules and the stances, but she didn’t know Ben’s skill level, they’d never played it together. She watched him fit the balls into the rack, all of them seeming so small in his large hands and she held her breath.

“So how’s college?”

He’d always ask her that.

“That’s a forbidden topic today,” she leaned her hands on the edge of the table. “I just finished my midterms and I need this break.”

Ben looked at her without raising his head. He was a good player, she knew it from the way he handled everything.

“No college, then. Fair enough” He lowered his eyes to the full rack. “Hope you get the rest you need.”

She didn’t answer him, just kept staring at the balls put together shaping a perfect triangle while he placed the cue ball on the other side. That was when Rey was sure she had to defeat him. To let him know he couldn’t talk to her the way he did at the porch that night and get away with it. To let him know she knows what she’s doing and that she’s a grown up just like he is. The hard thing was to forget everything she did and felt thinking about him.

“Ladies first,” he gestured to her to do the break.

Rey walked with the cue in her hand until she stopped behind the kitchen line and leaned over the table, the flannel sleeves sliding down as she tilted her hips to line up the shot. It was a solid contact, and all of the colorful balls spread across the table. She smiled, satisfied with her first shot.

“So… no boyfriend this time?” Ben was chalking the cue slowly, looking at her. “If that’s not another forbidden topic.”

“No boyfriend.” She wouldn’t let any mourning take over her now. “It wasn’t working out anymore.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

He wasn’t. There wasn’t a drop of honesty in his sentence, but Rey nodded, pretending she believed it.

Ben leaned down, the stick feathering so obscenely that Rey looked away. His hands were so large the tip of the cue almost looked like a pencil. She just heard the crack and low rumble right after.

“And you? No girlfriend?”

He chuckled, straightening up. “No, no girlfriend. There hasn’t been one in a while.”

“And why is that?” She wanted to distract him and win the match.

“It’s you, now.” 

“What?”

“Your turn, Rey. To take a shot.”

Oh.

Rey blinked and walked over to the closest place to the cue ball. She took her shot and missed it.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I didn’t know you were so interested in that,” he teased.

“Well, you asked me first. I just asked you back.”

Ben swirled the stick in his hand, his gaze narrowed at it.

“I guess I’m not that lucky in dating.” He leaned down. That was a sentence she said years ago. Rey wondered how he remembered that. “And no one interesting came around since the last one.”

“But you’ve had your fun since then.”

“Well, yeah.”

Ben was sliding the cue stick between his fingers, angling a perfect bridge, and he pocketed the first ball. A solid one. But he missed the next shot. 

“If you allow me to say it, you’re better off without him.”

“Oh, because he was such a silly boy, right?” Rey answered. They were now looking at each other, just a pool table apart. 

She put the stick on the ground, leaning on the table, and he did the same. Rey crossed her arms, waiting for his response. When he didn’t answer it, she turned off the background music and a silence broke through the place.

“I just had the impression he wasn’t enough for you, that’s all.”

“You barely even met him,” her voice was a little louder now, remembering how angry she felt that night. “And you don’t know me that well.”

“Rey-”

“You’re always talking like you know me, like you know what’s best for me,” she was looking up at his eyes. “If he wasn’t enough for me, then who is? You?”

She was angry, angry at how much she’d let him convince her he was right about those things, angry at how he actually seemed to know everything, angry at how much she wanted him.

After a brief silence, he answered in a contained tone. “I never said that.”

“But you believe that.” She walked around the table and stopped right at his side, and Ben turned to face her. “That’s what you think, isn’t it?”

Rey was afraid this confrontation was over the limits, but it’s been years now. What she didn’t realize was how this made it perfectly clear how she wanted him to say she was right.

“What I think shouldn’t matter to you,” he scolded, stepping in her direction. “My beliefs are that you are smart and old enough to choose the person you want to be with. If I think they are not the best choice, it’s my opinion and mine alone.”

They were face to face, Rey at the tip of her toes as to get closer to him.

“Yes,” she hissed. “Yours alone.”

“But you’re making me think now it does matter.”

“What?”

“To you,” he was looking at her mouth and then at her eyes. “It matters what I think.”

If Rey were to be honest, she was so trapped in his heat she didn’t even remember the last thing he said. Or what she said. She stayed silent, grounding in her heels again and Ben towered over her. It would be intimidating if his eyes weren’t silently begging to touch her. It would be unsettling if her eyes weren’t silently saying please, do it.

And so he did. 

His body broke over hers like an ocean wave. Not so suddenly, but everywhere and taking every inch with him. He grabbed her by the waist and turned her body just enough so it was against the table and pressed by his own, leaning each hand on the edges. And just like when one is hit by a wave, Rey was flustering wet and breathless at his touch.

She was given no time to process before he kissed her. No time to realize he’d been saving this kiss for months now, and that she was fulfilling an old dream of hers. It was just instinctive and urgent, the way they moved into each other. And oh, they were desperate.

Rey was sure no one had ever held her this tight, even when she would audibly ask for it, his grip was anything but soft. She let Ben take control when she felt how good it was to be held so willingly, to let go of the walls she’d built. He kissed her hard and deep and then- then he pulled away.

“Fuck, Rey-”

He was right. Fuck and Shit and Oh My God and Jesus Christ. He took a step back, looking ravished at her, shaking his head no.

“I shouldn’t have done this.” Right again, except he should have. He ran a hand through his hair, looked around and then at her face.

Rey touched her lips with her fingertips, carefully, as if not to vanish away any hint he was there seconds ago. They were swollen, reddened by the kiss. It was different this time. Why was it so different, if she had done this plenty of times with other people? Why did she feel it so roughly? Was it the time she spent trying not to think of it or the way he’d done it was just… unlike any other?

“Why’d you let me do it?” He was still one step away and the distance ached in her. “Why didn’t you pull away?”

“I- I just-”

Because I didn’t want to. Because I liked it. Because I wanted it to last longer.

She didn’t end her sentence, they just looked at each other like two doomed people.

“Why… why didn’t you stop?” she asked. It was her last attempt to keep her pose.

“Fuck! Rey, I stopped it!” he snapped. “I stopped it, I had to.”

The way Ben was looking at her was like he had just eaten the forbidden fruit. Like he would live in sin from now on, and she would always have the mark of his bite. But from her point of view, it wasn’t so wrong. It didn’t feel so wrong.

The thing was, Rey was still at the same place he’d left her, against the edge of the table, body unsteady and mind spiraling down into a pit of madness. There were two clear choices in front of her now: to agree with him and walk away and never be in the same room with him again. Or to beg for him to touch her like before. Both equally hard, but only one reflected her true will.

“You had to,” she repeated. “Why?”

“Are you out of your mind? I just said I shouldn’t have done this.”

“What about what you want?”

“What?”

“You said you weren’t supposed to do it,” she took a step ahead, and funny thing, he stayed still. “But you did it anyway. And now, what do you want to do?”

There it was. So easy for him to catch it. Rey understood they had no way to undo the kiss, the effect it had over them, so she just wished he would give in. That she wouldn’t have to use what she had learned when it came to men.

“I’m not supposed to touch you.”

“Fuck! Ben, but you did!” Her voice was louder. “You keep repeating that, what you’re not supposed to do. And I get it, I’m not supposed to do it either, but here we are. You pulled away but you’re still right in front of me.”

It was the look on her face, what made him kiss her before. So she looked at him the same, but it wasn’t enough this time.

“I’m asking you to do what you want.” She thought she’d never been so earnest. “If I’m reading this wrong, I’ll leave, you know I have no problem with that.”

“You’re not… You’re not reading this wrong.” 

Ben made it look like it was taking every strength in him to say. It was her threatening tone to walk away and leave him like this, disturbed by his own actions and the way he had set aside his personal promises for this one moment. It was Rey, asking him to do what he wanted. There was so much more she wanted to say. I’m single, you’re single. I’m younger, but experienced. You’re older and want it just as much. You just said I’m smart and old enough to choose and this is my choice. So just give me and I’ll take it. Rey prayed in silence he would read her mind like before. 

“I want it, Rey, I want you. Even if just for a moment, just to take it out of my system. And it’s killing me, heaven knows for how long, how these fucked up boys you find to date who never treat you right. Like I know I can.”

“So show me-”

“I can’t! That’s what I’m telling you, I can’t show you this, I’m too old for you–”

“Fuck this shit, Ben,” she shouted. “You were already too old for me when I thought about you before going to sleep. Or when you said my boyfriend didn’t deliver what I need. Or just now, when we kissed, alone in this fucking house, pretending we don’t fucking want it.”

His face went blank. He never thought of…

“So fuck this age shit and everything else, I’m literally asking you to-”

She just felt her lower back against the table again. He pushed her into it and then he was kissing her again. Lips all over and hands up and down, until he reached her waist and pulled her up, making Rey sit on the edge of the table, her legs parting so he could fit between them. 

There was that desperation again, still guilty but a little less forbidden this time. Rey would beg on her knees if Ben kept saying no, because she needed it, his hands and lips and tight grip on her body. And thank god he was doing it. He tasted so good on her tongue, deepening the kiss and showing he actually wanted it, too. She was pulling him closer by the nape and tugging at his hair with her fingers. Then he moved his lips from her mouth to the side of her neck, and suddenly there was air in her system again.

“Fuck, Ben, what is this?” she breathed.

He mumbled something muffled in her neck, something about her fucking clothes like he could rip it all off, but just angrily pulled the flannel off her arms. The easier access to her skin made him even more desperate to touch her everywhere, shutting down all his thoughts that were going the other way.

So he asked her, just to clear his mind. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” she held him tighter, searching for his mouth again.

That was the answer he needed. Rey was sitting on the border of the table, body still but her legs wrapped around him, she was simply not letting him go. And Ben was just trying to stay anchored to his feet, his hips going back and forth into her body. He was sure she could feel his erection beneath his jeans and she wondered if he could feel how wet she was. He couldn’t, but he was already thinking of it to a sickening level. Rey was thinking of it, too, of his cock sliding inside her so easily, just from feeling it between their clothes.

She started unbuttoning his shirt and pulled away from his mouth to do it properly. He kept kissing her face and neck, still not believing this was happening. 

“Was it true, what you said?” he asked.

“What?”

She got really pissed when she saw another shirt beneath that one. A solid black shirt.

“That you thought of me before going to sleep.”

“Oh-” A few more kisses. “Yeah, it- it happened a lot.”

“Tell me what you used to think.”

“I thought of us doing this- Everywhere.” Two more buttons out of the way. “Tell me you thought about it, too”

“I never allowed myself. I wanted to, though.”

“What?” She stopped. 

“Rey,” he stroked his thumb in her cheek, his voice suddenly softer. “You’re half my age, darling, I couldn’t do it.”

Darling.

Well, technically, he could, he just thought it was terribly wrong. He looked in her eyes and kissed her. Rey understood his reasons and her own ones, too. Fuck, she was half his age. And all she wanted… 

“Tell me again what you used to think. Please.”

“I thought of you fucking me. In your car, in my bedroom,” she panted. “Fuck, I even thought of you when I was with other men.”

This last sentence seemed to do it. He gave in, getting harder with her every word, and helped her undo all the buttons, throwing the flannel on the table. The black t-shirt was still fucking there, but Rey touched his bare arms urgently, afraid they would vanish into air. He was touching her, too, and god, it was so good. So real. 

Ben touched her thighs and her lower back, tried to squeeze her ass - he knows how he wanted to do this - but she was sitting down and it started getting him pissed off, too. He cupped her breasts, nipples hardened even beneath her clothes, and the sighs that left her mouth, combined with how hard she wrapped her legs around him, made him sure she needed more. 

Rey needed more contact, and the way she was sitting, still on her jeans, wasn’t helping. She unzipped her own pants, and he tried to slip his hand in there but the fabric was too tight and his hand too large. The desperation was visible.

“Fuck,” he breathed. Even his breath on her skin was hot and provoking. “You sure you wanna do this?”

She found it so thoughtful that he was asking. After everything she’d said and how she was melting in his hands. She nodded.

“Do you have a condom?”

Of course he would have one.

So he hooked his hands under her knees and lifted her up the table and she locked around his body, feeling so lightweight and perfectly fit as Ben carried her to the same couch she was before, watching him play. When she felt her body against the cushions, he quickly pulled her pants down. She had goosebumps all over her thighs when the air came through in a rush and he saw how her panties were damp from the friction. None of this stopped her in the way of taking off her own t-shirt, and a dark blue laced bra was suddenly all he could see.

Well, her bra and her panties and her whole body yearning in anticipation, right in front of him. 

Rey was laying on the couch and Ben was standing next to her knees, first taking off that damn black shirt, and then undoing his belt. The sight was mesmerizing, he was so tall and wide next to her, so imposing, and she wanted him all over. When everything was finally off the way, he just stayed right there, looking at her while stroking his own cock for a moment.

All she could do was watch with her body splayed out. His cock was huge, probably the biggest she’d ever seen. It had to be, to match his height and hands and everything. She thought for a second it would take all of her to take him, and the thought made her drippy and heady. And eager.

“Fuck,” he said more to himself as he was rolling the condom on. “I can’t believe I’m fucking you.”

When she finally unclasped her bra, he leaned onto her and she felt the weight of his body so fully. He was everywhere, kissing her again, softly choking her neck, careful he wouldn’t leave a mark on there and sliding his cock at the bare skin of her belly. Rey was sure if he didn’t thrust right in, she would faint. Her heart was frantic under her chest and her mouth was dry when he let go of her neck.

“Ben,” she sighed. “Please.”

It was her voice. And the way she held his head and made him look at her eyes when she begged. Ben got on his knees over the couch and finally took off her panties, a thread of her wetness breaking through. Then he grabbed one of the big fluffy pillows and slid it benath her lower back, tilting her body up to meet his. She was so wet for him, and he was already hard since the first or second kiss he’d given her, but when he slid inside her, he closed his eyes shut and a voiceless pant came out of her mouth.

All of her energy converged to that one place, and she could feel it through every inch of her body. It was hot and burning, like her skin was widening up to have him there. When she thought that she had already taken all of him, she looked down and gasped. There was almost half of it waiting. It was too much for her.

“Oh, my god,” she was almost inaudible. 

“I know you can take it.” 

She nodded, because she knew she could when he said it. He just had to get on his knees again, open her legs a bit more, grab her by the ass and make her back arch like that so his cock could go all the way in. He knew what to do and it didn’t even hurt her, and he was everywhere inside. 

He made it look so easy to handle her, to make her feel that way, that she thought she might even come with him. But it never happened with no one else before. The realization suddenly made her worried, because she had only faked it in front of other people, but now she was so filled up and so full of pleasure there was no pretending, no way out, but to behave as her body wanted to. So it would be unpredictable for her, too.

But when he was fully inside and Rey thought he would just lay down and fuck her until he’d come… he went the opposite way. Ben stayed there, pulled her legs up, each of her heels resting on his shoulders, and started circling around her clit. He went straight to it, even when her legs weren’t so open, she was wet all around, his fingers were big and seemed to know where to go.

“Tell me how you like it,” he asked.

“Exactly like this.”

She could do this every day. She had done this thinking of him. Was he reading her mind? His touch was soft on her skin, like she needed, and he started thrusting slowly into her. It could be torturous, considering how bad she wanted to come, but it was so good to feel him delicate right there. So comfortable with the pillow on her back. His other hand was going up and down her leg, from knee to hip, and then grabbing her waist to push it further. 

Rey wasn’t sure how much time passed while she was there, moaning and meeting her body to his, feeling that man touching her and carefully adjusting her body to his size. It was so intimate. Vulnerable, different from what she had imagined. When she couldn’t deny it anymore, she asked.

“Go harder, babe, I need you to.”

Then something in his face changed, like she had said some magical words. He leaned down into her, spreading her legs at his sides and now she felt even larger around his cock. He finally removed the pillow and did it all in one movement, kissed her and grabbed her wrists with his hands, pinning them down on the armrest above her head, and started thrusting harder. 

Fuck, she would come so quickly. What Rey didn’t know was how she would survive it. Coming with him. She wondered how it would feel without a condom. Ben could keep her wrists pinned with just one hand, while touching her with the other one. Her breasts were still hard, almost hurting at this point, and his fingers played with it so cowardly. Frantically thrusting her.

“Am I fucking you right, honey?” he asked. “Do you like this?”

She could feel his cock taking everything, so yeah, he was. 

“Yeah- I like this.” She wondered if he would like some teasing. “I love your cock railing my pussy, fuck-”

He turned her head to the side and got closer to her ear. “Isn’t it too big for you?”

“It is,” she breathed. “But you said I can take it, so I am.”

“And you’re taking it so good-”

It was like even her lungs were all filled up with air. He was reaching so deep inside her and maybe she wouldn’t be able to keep with the dirty talk, just the panting and swearing and whimpering in his ear. He kissed her neck, sucking not so softly a sweet spot on her skin and she wished he would call her babygirl and choke her again, but harder this time. When she started feeling a warm pool below her stomach, she asked him.

“Please, Ben.” The tone of her voice was a cheap move for him. “Choke me-”

Ben was surprised for a second. That wasn’t what he thought she would like at first, but given the way she was talking and breathing and looking down at where he disappeared inside her, he understood. He choked her where his lips were seconds ago. Delicately at the beginning, waiting for her reactions, getting used to her skin and her veins beneath it, and then pressing harder when she asked for more while clenching around him. She loved the feeling of him being inside her and still not being able to breathe his presence out.

Oh, she was about to come. Rey was all tense under him, body stiffened with the choking and pinning and thrusting, and she needed to release. Her wrists started moving under his grip and he let them go, and she immediately wrapped her arms around his body, bringing him closer. There wasn’t even space for air. Ben let go of her neck, too, grabbing the leather arm rest and his whole body was just grounding her hard against the couch.

“Fuck, I think I’ll come in a minute,” he groaned. “Or less.”

She wasn’t aware he was about to come too, but- 

“I’m coming now.”

It was too much, he had been too much for her, since the beginning. Too big, too strong, too delicate, too thoughtful. Everything. The feeling washed over her, from head to toe. She grabbed all of him even strongly, eyes wide shut to feel it better while he stroked his last thrusts. Ben became a wild creature, frantic, flexing his thighs trying to reach the deepest he could before it was over.

The second she came, all her body relaxed. It was so new, to come with his cock so big pushing and pressing inside her walls.

He wanted to say she was the warmest place he’d ever been, that he never thought she would be so forward and naughty with him, that he really wanted to last longer, hours and days. But Ben could barely breathe, just grunting guttural sounds. When she untangled herself from him, he just thrusted a few more times before realizing she was trembling. He came in less than a minute after her.

Rey wanted to breathe but he was heavy over her, still inside and getting to his senses. He took the pillows out the backrest to make space and swirled to her side, rolling out the condom and hearing a gasp out of her mouth. She was suddenly way too empty in the spot he worked so hard to get filled. The spasms came every few seconds, involuntarily, reminding her of how her muscles weren’t used to such friction.

For a minute, both stayed there, in silence, breathing with their eyes closed to get back to Earth. She could still feel it, his fingers, his hands and body and breath on her neck. Then Earth collided.

“Fuck,” she pressed her palm to her forehead, sliding it down to hide her face in total disbelief. “Someone can come down here any minute.”

He chuckled. “You mean your parents?”

Reality was the worst thing she could think of right now. But yeah, her mother could return from work or her father could get back earlier. Or both could walk in together and catch them right there. The house seemed silent, but the basement was not the best place to be sure there was no one upstairs. 

Fuck, she thought, rubbing her eyes. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. She had sex with Ben fucking Solo. Her neighbor. Twice her age. Amazing sex. She wouldn’t dare say it was the be-

“I can’t believe we did this,” his voice cut her train of thought.

He was weary, naked next to her, and suddenly she was aware of her own nudity, too. She got up and started dressing up quickly, without looking at him but his eyes followed her.

“I can’t believe I fucked you, you’re too fucking hot,” he said in a low voice. Rey wasn’t supposed to hear it, but she did and smiled out of his line of sight.

It was the best sex she’d ever had. For heaven’s sake, she had come with him inside her. But now she was in a hurry, afraid to get caught while Ben just kept looking at her getting dressed. She would never tell him that.

“I suggest you get dressed, too. Someone can walk in here.”

He was so lazy, getting up and grabbing his clothes. The opposite of the restrained man he was before even kissing her. When he took a seat back on the couch, he just arched his neck up, looking at the ceiling and then closing his eyes again. She sat on the other side, pulling her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and stare at the fucking pool table and the match they left behind.

“This can’t happen again,” he said.

Rey was suddenly hit by the realization. And his deep voice. She was used to one night stands, to being casual and everything. She knew how to handle it. But it was so good, so groundbreaking, that the thought of it never happening again made her dizzy. Then he looked at her.

“Or can it?”

“Well, if you ask me,” she wouldn’t give in right away. “I wouldn’t… oppose myself to it.”

“Did you like it?” His voice was… vulnerable? Anxious? She couldn’t say. “Enough to do it again?”

She nodded. “I liked it.”

Then she remembered how she tried to dirty talk with him, how she asked him to choke her, how she begged. Of course she liked it. God, it was almost embarrassing, now. She tightened her arms.

“I liked it, Ben.”

“Hope it was better than what you used to think before going to sleep.”

Rey felt her cheeks getting warm. Because it was so much better and he was right there, talking so naturally to her like she wouldn’t think of what they just did on the following nights.

“Did you like it?” She asked.

“Fuck, yes. A lot,” he emphasized. “One hundred percent recommend. Would do it again.”

She giggled. So silly.

“But not like this, though.”

“Oh, no. Not like this.” He wondered what she meant with that. “I need you on all fours next time.”

It was still unbelievable they were talking like this. About sex. Talking about the next time. She wanted to, of course. Two hours ago they were nothing but neighbors. And she didn’t want to think about how she would keep living her usual life after that.

“I meant without risking getting caught.”

“Right. You’re right. You can come to my place, if you want to.”

She nodded. Rey never walked into his house, just passed through his lawn. She wondered how his bedroom would be and when she would be there. She got excited just to think they would do it again. He was physically tired, but his eyes were eager in anticipation. 

“So,” he said, looking at her. “My place next time?”

“Your place next time.”