Archive of Our Own

Atsushi rolled over slowly, still engulfed in his world of dreams. He was awake enough just to notice the warmth covering his body from toes to neck and smell a very soft, though persistent scent of forest fruit, possibly raspberries. Fluttering his eyes open he took hold of a surprising sight - next to his futon, Dazai-san had sat cross-legged with a book in his hand and a cup of tea inches away from Atsushi’s face.

Dazai seemed not to have noticed any movements from the blanket-wrapped form beside him. Atsushi, still quite confused and weary from his sleep, decided to inform the other man of his now awakened presence.

“Dazai-san?” was all Atsushi managed to croak out.

“Hm? Oh, you’re awake. Good morning, Atsushi-kun!”, Dazai exclaimed a little too loudly, considering his half-asleep companion.

“Dazai-san…what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean, ‘what am i doing here’. You came to get me at the bar last night, so I decided to make myself at home and stay the night. I also wanted to ruin one of your houseplants for bringing me home way too early but decided against it, so you’re welcome.” Dazai explained exasperatedly, not lifting eyes off his book.

“Oh..right.I got a text from Kunikida that you were in critical condition, what else was i supposed to do? I was worried.” Atsushi added that last part as a soft whisper, hoping Dazai wouldn’t catch up on it.

“Next time you can just call me, and who knows - even join us for a drink!” Dazai clapped, put the book aside and stood up. “Anyway. Thanks for letting me stay the night. I’m gonna be on my way now.”

“Wait…Look, I’m sorry for ruining your fun last night, Dazai-san. But you were pretty out of it by the time I came to get you.” Atsushi stood up from his futon, figuring it was rude not to accompany Dazai to the door. “So I don’t regret what I did. How else would you have been able to get home? What if someone from the mafia found you in the condition you were in?”

“Atsushi-kun…You’re starting to sound a lot like Kunikida, and I’m not enjoying that” Dazai stepped forward.

“Sorry..”

“Why do you care so much about me, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai said, sending one of his deceiving innocent looks that hid layers of secret motives. One of his best qualities as a detective, but not as a friend, Atsushi thought.

“Because you saved me. I owe you my life Dazai-san.” He couldn’t not give in though, even knowing of Dazai’s ways to make someone talk. Sincerity is the best policy. And he had nothing to hide about the way he felt for Dazai.

..Or maybe he did?

That was a conversation Atsushi had yet to confront.

“Is that so, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai drawled out, making it obvious he was going somewhere different from a sincere heart to heart. “I’m not really interested in receiving a longer lifespan, you know.” He said, stepping forward once again so that he was really close to Atsushi.

In that moment, Dazai’s hand reached for the back of Atsushi’s head, resting it on his shoulder blade gently, as if he was almost scared to initiate contact. “Thanks, Atsushi-kun. I appreciate the gesture. You don’t have to apologize.”

Atsushi had instinctively relaxed into his touch. He realized his gaze was fixated on Dazai’s, and neither of them seemed to want this moment to end. The way they were positioned with Dazai facing the window, his eyes illuminated by the late rays of a soft sunrise, glowing a warm hazel. Atsushi was now certain he had to reevaluate his feelings.

Just as he was about to talk, Dazai moved just one more step closer. Atsushi was sure Dazai was able to hear his heartbeats from where he stood. He felt really lightheaded, the only feeling surrounding him seemed to slow everything down to a stop except their eager breaths. He knew what was about to come. He had no desire to stop it.

Dazai came forward and completely closed the gap between them, while handling Atsushi who was thankful for the hold the taller man had on him since his legs were gonna give out. Lips were pressed against lips, though very gently and chaste, gone almost before Atsushi realized they were there.

He didn’t want to open his eyes. He didn’t want to go on and send Dazai off. He wanted to savour the softness and imminent complexity of the situation. He wanted to spend an eternity, looking at Dazai through heavy lashes, a glint in hazel eyes and the aroma of raspberries floating in the haze of a memorable autumn day.

But he opened them.

“I think I might stay here for a little while”, Dazai softly murmured. Atsushi smiled gently in return, “I think I’d like that, yeah.”