Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Atsushi enters the main room as the sun is setting. He finds a tall figure at one end of the glass windows covering the floor of the corporation. He looks around for more signs leading to that person’s presence in the office at that time of day.

Dazai doesn’t turn around at Atsushi’s arrival. He doesn’t need to. He immediately recognizes him just by the sound of his footsteps. Slow, gentle, almost insecure. Even Atsushi’s footsteps represent the issues he wears on his sleeve.

Atsushi finally matches the figure’s outline to Dazai’s beige coat and relief settles.

“Dazai-san, aren’t you going home soon?” Atsushi decides is the logical question to ask.

“Aren’t you?” Dazai answers, seemingly aware of Atsushi’s motives. He always knows what people are up to.

As Atsushi steps closer to marvel at the sunset’s magnificent play of colors unfolding in front of the two men, he takes note of a very familiar scent. Dazai’s cologne. Something that always takes him back to the first time they met. The scent that reminds him of home and sets peace into his soul.

“I wanted to look through the documents for bringing Kyouka into the Agency and forging them. But I guess you already caught on that I wasn’t onto something entirely civil.” Atsushi confessed, switching his weight from one foot to another, as if he wasn’t sure the right action to take was telling Dazai, the president’s right hand.

“Don’t worry”, Dazai immediately responded like he was reading Atsushi’s mind. “You’re not causing harm to anyone so I won’t be getting in your way. Just this once though.”

“Thanks.” Atsushi said, following a sigh of relief. He finally turned to face Dazai and realized he just now took sight of the other man’s face since he walked into the room.

“What are you so fascinated by?” Dazai suddenly asked as he also turned to face Atsushi. Seems he’d been staring for way too long.

“N-no I was just.. admiring the way the sunset reflected in your eyes. It looks picture perfect from my angle.” Good job Atsushi. Now he definitely has no idea how you feel about him.

“Hm. Interesting. Because I think it’s way more beautiful how your eyes are the colors of the sunset.” Dazai smiled. Atsushi couldn’t figure out if there was any irony in that statement.

At that moment a hand flew to his face and Atsushi seemed to tense up out of instinct. Dazai noticed that and slowed down his movement, and very gently moved a hair out of Atsushi’s face, tucking some of the longer strands behind his ear.

“There. I don’t need to stare at the sunset anymore.” Dazai said as he leaned against the wall behind him and crossed his arms in a ‘job well done’ manner.

Atsushi felt blood rise to his face and hoped to God the dim muted colors of the upcoming night hid his rosy cheeks.

“Such beautiful eyes..” Dazai continued gloating and that made Atsushi realize none of Dazai’s actions were genuine. They couldn’t be. Unless they were. Atsushi’s hands buried his face, being stared at this intensely, especially by his crush, was a bit too much to handle.

He then felt hands on his bunched up shoulders. “Atsushi-kun, hey, look at me” Dazai was suddenly at an alarmingly close distance and spoke softly. Atsushi felt so exposed, like his feelings were never a secret. He felt stupid. Why would he allow himself to fall for one of the most wanted men in Yokohama? What did Atsushi do to be more special to him than the rest of the town?

‘He saved me.’ Atsushi thought, despite himself.

‘He likes the color of my eyes.’

On a whim, Atsushi turned off the conscious part of his brain and settled into the hands Dazai had placed on either side of his face. He looked up.

‘He likes the color of my eyes’, he thought again and let Dazai take as much time as he wanted, savoring the sunset in Atsushi’s eyes.

Chapter Text

That night, as Atsushi was walking home the street lights seemed just a bit brighter, a bit softer. He couldn’t get himself to focus on the path ahead of him so he opted to look up instead and with a little bit of luck wobble his way back home. Eventually he reached the two story dormitory he currently resigned in, thanks to Dazai.

There he goes again, mind wandering back to the breathtaking moment he shared what felt like a few moments ago with his superior. He was scared of the influence Dazai had on him just by laying a hand on his face for a second. Atsushi mentally beat himself up for how easily manipulated he was as he opened the door to his apartment.

He felt his legs giving out from the long ass day at work so he immediately leapt for the futon and landed face first onto it. Which, Atsushi realized way too late, wasn’t the brightest idea considering the futon is on the ground and not an actual bed.

The moment he closed his eyes he felt a gentle breeze that took him once again to the scene that played out at the office. A window opened just enough to let the cool air refresh the room. Dazai’s scent. His hands on his face. God this was tedious.

Atsushi decided to roll with it though. His thoughts drifted in an orderly fashion like waves in the ocean, coming to shore one after another, each one washing away his doubts. He remembered the excuse he muttered to get away despite every conscious part of his body screaming ‘stay’. Atsushi never planned to fall this hard and so he reminded himself of Kunikida’s words, ‘an action unplanned is destined to fail.’ Besides, what would have happened if he stayed like that with Dazai?

…On second thought he decided not to dwell on it and repeat this whole thought process again. Instead, he went back in time. When they were at a café after work, sitting across from one another. When they both reached for the sugar and their hands linked up accidentally. And it turned out Dazai drinks his coffee with no sugar.

Then went further back. When they were sitting on the roof of the Agency and Dazai was smoking. He thought Dazai didn’t smoke, so he asked him about it and Dazai looked incredulous for a second before answering, “and i thought you didn’t want to commit suicide’. So Atsushi decided to let unsaid things between the two of them remain that way.

Dazai then went on with his rant about Kunikida and his trust issues, taking a lighter note on the conversation between them and Atsushi appreciated that. They talked. And talked for what seemed ages, until the light blue sky cascaded through oranges and pinks and reaching a dark navy filled with bright stars.

He believed Dazai was the best person to talk to. Somehow he always knew what to tell you when you were feeling low even if you don’t necessarily voice your concerns out loud.

He had a way of knowing, and dealing with people’s silent emotions without them even realizing, making him seem like a God-like being amongst mortals. Not to mention the depth of the wisdom he possessed, hidden but not unnoticeable behind his grim eyes. Atsushi came to the conclusion that the night spent on the rooftop was the very moment he developed feelings for his subordinate. Or sub-extra-ordinate. Atsushi physically cringed at himself at this point.

Thoughts went back once again - from shared glances in the office space, to not-so-accidental touches, to the comfort he felt when he was in Dazai’s presence. And just like that Atsushi drifted off to, some more dreams of Dazai, most probably.

He wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye tomorrow.

Chapter Text

It was 10 past 8am and Atsushi was rushing to the front door since the walk to work was quite a bit and he had to be there on time. As he opened it he was met with Dazai’s lovely face right in front of him.

“Dazai-san, what are you-“

“Finally, I’ve been waiting for ages. Come on.” Dazai replied instantaneously. Atsushi wasn’t used to walking to work with his subordinate despite the fact that they were neighbors based simply on Dazai’s incapability to be somewhere on time. He called it being fashionably late.

“Atsushi-kun, i’ve been meaning to ask you something”, Dazai said while maintaining a spring in his step.

“Shoot.”

“Why did you run off like that last night?”

Shit. “U-um.. I already told you, I had to print out the documents for Kyouka-chan”, Atsushi stuttered out.

“Atsushi-kun..You do know I’m aware that you didn’t take anything, right?”

Dazai saw straight through Atsushi’s blatant lie. And it’s not like it was the first time.

“That’s b-because, I realized I already had what I needed!”, Atsushi said, trying his best to cover up the fact that Dazai’s presence was too much for his teenage-girl-with-a-crush heart to handle. Although that was probably terribly obvious as was his lack of documents to print out.

“Oh. Alright then.”, Dazai acted like he was buying it. He wasn’t. “Hey, wanna go get pancakes for breakfast? I know a really good place, two blocks from here”

“Dazai-san, I already had breakfast and we’re gonna be late for work…”

“D’aww come on! What did you have for breakfast? Coffee? You’re starting to look really thin and I don’t like that. I’m taking you for pancakes. My treat.”

“Dazai! We really shouldn-“ Before he could protest he was already being dragged by the wrist toward the infamous “pancake place”.

The thing is, Dazai slowed down his pace after Atsushi seemed to physically express defeat and accept the offer, but the grip on his hand was ever so present. It loosened up and became much more gentle, sliding down his palm until it was barely even there and caught Atsushi’s pinky.

They were walking down the street with linked up pinkies. As soon as Atsushi realized the current situation he was about to back up but something etched him to stay and possibly even enjoy it. He then realized how stupid it was to find solace in something as small as a touch. He was certain Dazai found nothing out of the ordinary in their contact. Probably the incident from the previous night was just the way Dazai acted with his closest friends.

Atsushi had nothing special that Dazai would marvel over. Why would he? Atsushi was as worthless in his looks as he was in life, in combat, at work, etc. His heart was suddenly aching.

“We’re here!” Dazai said, pulling Atushi out of his overwhelmingly self destructive thoughts. He’d been having those a lot more lately, it seems.

“So? What pancake do you want?” Dazai said smiling ear to ear.

“Um.. I don’t know, maybe the one with Nutella and whipped cream?”

Dazai then turned to the cashier, “Well, you heard the boy!” he said, ruffling Atsushi’s asymmetric hair. “Two of those, please!”

The pancakes didn’t take long to be ready since Atsushi chose probably the simplest one he could out of the complex menu.
He really didn’t want Dazai to pay for them but the man had insisted.

They sat on a nearby bench to finish up their breakfast, which, by the way, turned out to be delicious.

“Wow, this is so good!” Atsushi said with his mouth full, unable to hide his joy.

He turned to face Dazai who was snickering to himself.

“Atsushi-kun, you have chocolate on your cheek”

“Do I? Where?”, he said instantly reaching for the wrong side.

“It looks too appealing, I need to lick it off” Dazai was already leaning in closer before Atsushi jumped far back.

“Dazai-san! No, wait-“

“Relax, I’m kidding”

He regained his composure and just reached Atsushi’s flustered face and slowly wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb, then licked it off and purposefully made a satisfied sound. Seeing Atsushi squirm was way too fun.

They finished the pancakes in silence and continued their walk to the Agency.

“Thanks” Atsushi muttered almost inaudibly.

“Hm? For what?” Dazai turned to face him with a puzzled look.

“You know.. For the treat.. Thanks”

“My pleasure. I love seeing you happy, Atsushi-kun”

Atsushi felt his heart rate accelerate to inhuman frequencies. He turned to look the other way. Or down at his shoes. Anywhere but Dazai’s incredibly adorable smile. God, this man was going to be the death of him.

And Atsushi was mostly okay with that.