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I breathed heavy, praying to any being listening that Sam or Dean would just walk out the bunker door and see me. I coughed, which sent a sharp pain through my abdomen, and I pressed a little harder on the massive gash going from my waist to my chest. I looked up at the thousands of stars winking back at me, as memories of the night that always haunted me came through my mind.
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My mother gently kissed my forehead, and I chuckled as she tucked me in, although not necessary, and smiled.
"I miss doing this every night like I did when you were younger," she said softly.
My smile grew soft, "I know, but I'm 13, you can't do it every night."
She rolled her eyes playfully but her eyes met mine again, "do you remember what I would say to you every night?"
My Y/E/C eyes brightened, and my smile grew, "How could I forget?"
"Should I say it again?"
I nodded softly, "like an early birthday present."
She smirked, "I know, you turn 14 in just a few hours."
I rolled my eyes, "Mom."
"Alright, alright," she went over to the window and parted the curtains slightly, "A long, long time ago, those stars were hung just for you. The Angels knew that when you had rough times, you would need some light in the dark, so they crafted each and every one of them, just for you."
"I'll always love you mom," I said softly, feeling my eyes drop heavy.
"I love you to, baby. Goodnight."
I couldn't work up the power to protest at the nickname, so I mumbled a simple goodnight before slipping into sleep.
I was started awake by a crash and a piercing scream. My sister's scream. I dashed out of bed, and downstairs where it seemed to come from, on my way over I saw the time, 1am. Happy birthday to me. I froze half way down the steps when I saw my sister's body on the ground right next to my father's. I jumped over the railing not bothering to take the rest of the stairs. I fell to my knees and slid the rest of the way to their bodies, looking at both of them. Gone. A strangled cry escaped my mouth, and my vision became blurry, my breaths coming in short gasps. I tried ignoring the pain and loss floating around in my head, and looked around for my mother. Then I spotted her down the hallway to the master bedroom, on the floor with a man standing over her. She was still alive and I could see her chest riding and falling quickly. I was frozen in place as he sunk the knife into her throat. I rose to my feet the pain getting stronger, but mixed with a new emotion, anger. I let out a piercing yell and I ran towards him and tackled him, throwing sloppy punches, with tears blurring my vision. The tables had turned quickly, and soon I was pinned under him, and his knife was raised.
It suddenly seamed like he was struggling, then choking on nothing, faintly in the background I heard some sort of chant, but I didn't want to be saved. I wanted to at least be with my family, but that was ripped from me too. My whole life just slipped away. I saw black smoke escape his mouth and his body fell on top of mine, the knife sliding out of his grasp, and away on the floor. I shoved him of of me, and rushed to my mom's body, but part of me already knew it was too late. I sobbed over her body, as I tried covering the hole, refusing to believe. To see fact. My whole family was gone and I was left to deal with the mess.
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Tears filled my eyes at the memory, and a thought occurred to me. It was actually ironic. The day I was born into this world, will also be the day I'm leaving it. Tears slipped out of my eyes, and I could feel they're wet trail, as they slid down my face them fell to the gravel road below me.
It seemed as though my life were flashing through my eyes, as memories came up.
The first time I met with the Winchester's.
When I met Castiel.
When I fell in love with an angel, knowing he would never return the feelings. How I couldn't look away from him very long. His piercing cobalt eyes, the way they shined like a universe.
I took deeper breaths trying to hold on to the very little life still pumping through me. Of course I had to screw things up with him in what was probably my last moments with him.
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"YOU CANNOT GO, Y/N!" Castiel shouted, his normally soft eyes, staring daggers into mine.
"Why Not! I've hunted alone before! I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE!" I yelled back, frustrated.
"YOU CAN'T GO BECAUSE-" Castiel cut himself off, "because I don't want you going alone."
"Why not? Do you think I'm too weak? Or maybe not smart enough? Do you think it's too dangerous for me?!"
Castiel's jaw flexed, "you know what," he said his tone hard, "fine. But don't come crying to me if you screw up!"
He disappeared before I could even blink and I let out a huff of air, tears already pricking my vision, so I packed up and left to go on the Werewolf case that had caused the argument in the first place.
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I heard the squealing hinges of the bunker door, and nearly died of relief when I heard Dean shout my name. I heard two heavy pairs of footsteps, and soon both brothers entered my vision.
I managed a weak smile, "took ya long enough."
Sam ripped off his flannel shirt and pressed it against the wound making me cringe, my shredded fibers and nerves screaming at me.
"It... it won't help. I've lost too much blood at the wound is too big. It's a miracle in itself that I've made it this far."
I could already make out tears in Sam's eyes, and Dean trying to hold it together.
"We-we can fix this," Sam said, but you knew he wasn't fully convinced, himself.
I chuckled a dry laugh, but cut short at another wave of pain, "all three of us know that it's not true."
I could feel numbness set in at the wound, and I smiled, "all the least it doesn't hurt when you go... the pain just gets... lost."
Sam shook his head violently, "don't let go, Y/n, Please. Please..."
I smiled, "I've tried to hold on, but I can't last forever. You-you've both been like brothers to me, and I... thank you."
Now i could see a tear roll down Dean's cheek despite my fading vision.
"A-and tell Cas," I felt my voice break, but I forced out as much as I could, "I forgive him... and I-I've been to scared to say, that I fell for him. Hard. Enough to know that it had to be love."
I chuckled, "that sounds so cheesy."
Dean closed his eyes, "you're not in pain?"
"..yeah."
Dean lowered his head, "say hi to everyone for us, would you?"
I nodded and looked at Sam with a weak smile, "P-please don't do anything stupid. Once I'm gone, I want to stay gone."
Sam shook his head, "I-"
"You need to promise me," I looked at him with pleading eyes.
He finally nodded, and I laid my head down, "I'm just gonna rest a moment."
I closed my eyes, and finally gave in to the welcoming darkness.
~~~~~~~~~~ Castiel's POV
I finally returned to the bunker with one hand full of Y/n's favorite flowers, and another hand filled with chocolate bars. I walked around the bunker, but when I didn't see Y/n, Dean, or Sam I became confused. I heard the bunker door open, and two sets of footsteps coming down the stairs. I walked to the main room, and dropped everything when I saw Dean carrying Y/n's body. Lifeless.
"She said she forgave you," Sam said when he noticed me, "and that she fell for you. Loved you, more than just a brother or friend."
I held back tears, refusing to cry, even as my eyes met Y/n's lifeless ones. I couldn't even tell her I loved her back, ever since I laid eyes on her. I couldn't tell her how I wanted to comfort her, keep her safe. I couldn't tell her how much I cared for her, how I would shield her from the world. Now, I couldn't tell her anything, and have to live with the guilt of what I had said the last time I saw her.