Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

rapgodtae: guYS WJAT DO I DO I FUCKED UP MAN OGMYDOD

g0ld3nm4kn43: whatd u do this time

chiminie crickets: what happened????

rapgodtae: I WAS DOING A VERY SOULFUL RENDITION OF I NEED U IN THE BATHROOM RIGHT

chiminie crickets: lol y tho

rapgodtae:: NOW ISN OT THE TIMPE ARK JIMIN I S2G

chiminie crickets: aish sorry m8 please continue

rapgodtae: as i was saying VERY SOULFUL RENDITION OF INU K AND I STARTED DANCING AND I FOT REAL INIT MAN AND I GLUNG MY ARM OUT TOO FAR AMD I KNOCKEDSOME STUFF OFF TGE COUNTER AND IT WAS YOONGI HYUNGS TOOTHBRUSHVAND ITBDELL IN RHE MOTHERFUCJIN TOULET DEAR GOD

rapgodtae: jeON JUNGKOOK U ASS

chiminie crickets: oh no u dont youre now an accessort to crine wethrr u like it o4 nor

jeonjjungkook: but i didnt do anythingg!! ! !!!

chiminie crickets: and

g0ld3nm4kn43: its not my fault taehyungie hyung dropped yoongi hyungs toothbrush in the toilet

rapgodtae: i diDNT DROP IT I ACCIDENTLY KNOCKD I OFF THE COUNTER

genius: you what

chiminie crickets: oh shit

g0ld3nm4kn43: oh shit

SONshineBOI: oh shit

piiink∞priiincess: oh shit

handicappable: Oh, shit.

rapgodtae: u haVE ALL BEEM HERE THIS RNTURE TIMR SND DECIDED TO WSTCH ME SUFFER IM HURT

handiappable: Pretty much, yeah.

rapgodtae: HOBI HYUNG I AM SO OFFENDED IS2G

SONshineBOI: tae im sorry it was funny

rapgodtae: u kbow what eLSE IS FUNNY

SONshineBOI: ...no ??

rapgodtae: nOT GWTTING UR DICK SUCKED FOR A WEEK THATSV WHAT HAHAJAHE

handicappable: Lol.

genius: uh excuse me but

genius: you what

rapgodtae: i saID I MAY OR MAY NOT HAvE DROppPED YOUR TOOThBRUSH IN THE TOILET oH GOD IM S OD RY

genius: you better pray you wake up alive tomorrow

g0ldenm4kn43: hunyg u cant ecaxtly wake up dead u noe

chininie crickets: lol

g0ld3nm4kn43: wHAT DID I DO

genius: you were an accessory to a crime

g0ld3nm4kn43: so wAS JIMIN OHMYG UR NOT THREATENNG HIM

genius: i'll punish jiminie later, jungkook

SONshineBOI: ...

SONshineBOI: ngl that sounded xtreemly sexual

g0ldenm4kn43: ive been scarred

chiminie crickets: oh please kook dont evrn get me startrd on 5he amounts of ti'es ive walked in on u watching porn

handicappable: YOU'VE WHAT

genius: excuse me

rapgodtae: tHAT MEANS JIMINIES SEEN KOOKIES DICK OHMYGOD

chiminie crickets: its not like that oh my god no

rapgodtae: what kind of porn does he watch

SONshineBOI: does he have a big dick

chiminie crickets: srsly no stop

rapgodtae: so u havent seen his dick ???

piiink∞priiincess: wait what

genius: what

handicappable: Jimin what, now?

rapgodtae: oH MYGOD HES TOTALLY SEEN UR DICK @g0ld3nm4kn43 HASNT HE

SONshineBOI: jeon jungkook istfg if u

genius: correction, jeon jungkook, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU

rapgodtae: ...

handicappable: You spelled scandal wrong...

grammer nazi string bean: ...

SONshineBOI: i swear to every god in this universe namjoon

grammar nazi string bean: ...

grammar nazi string bean: You mispelled grammar...

piiink∞priiincess: that was a little uncalled for hoseok

SONshineBOI: nuuh not in my house

rapgodtae: lol

pepe: TAE HYUNG ADD ME BACK TO THE CHAT OH MY GOD DO I HAVE NEWS

jared from subway: oKoKoK GImmE A sEX

jared from subway: ****SEC*****

jungshook: @kimseokjiiin @KimNamjoon SONshineBOI rapgodtae gUYS OML

rapgodtae: oh dear precious golden maknae whatever could it be that has you the 'shook'? surely nothing too extreme

jungshook: I WAS COMIN BACK FROM PRACTICE AND I TOOK A SHORTCUT BY THE STUDIOS AND GUESS WHAT

SONshineBOI: sighs what jungkook

jungshook: YOOGNI HUYNG CALED JIMIN DADDY

rapgodtae: WHAT

rapgodtae: URE FUCKING KIDDIN ME

jungshook: I KID U NOT HYUNG

kimseokjiiin: are you 100 per cent positive?

jungkook: im 99.9% positive hyung

KimNamjoon: That's pretty damn positive.

SONshineBOI: yOONGI called CHIM daDDY???? I THOUGHT ITD B THEBOTHER WAYVAROUND????

jungshook: SO DIT I BUT GUESSVNOT??? LIKE

kimseokjiiin: hey now, don't make any assumptions; it's perfectly plausable that yoongi calls jimin daddy

jungshook: no offense hyung but we wont ever believe it was namjoonvyelling oppa that one time, even if my ears heard correctly and it waa in faxt yoongihyung calling jimin daddy

rapgodtae: yeah hyung sry t break it t u

KimNamjoon: Wait, you've been trying to convince them I called you Oppa? Baby, no way in hell are they going to believe that.

kimseokjiiin: and why the hell not?

rapgodtae: bc i no a twink ehen i c one hyung

kimseokjiiin: takes one to know one

SONshineBOI: aint that thr truth

kimseokjiin: oh shut your mouth HOEseok you big dumb dom

jungshook: did hyung just

SONshineBOI: jeez sorry for offending u eomma

SONshineBOI: buT ILL HAV U KNO IM NOT A HOE

taehyungs hoe: ok this is a different story

kimseokjiiin: whatever you say ho(e)seok-ah

taehyungs hoe: HYUNG

parkjimin: ...

parkjimin: anyone care to explainb??? cos im v interested as to y ure debating names in the bedroom

rapgodtae: weRRE TRYIN TO FIGER OUT IF YOONGI HYUNG CALLS U DADDY

taehyungs hoe: TAEHYUNG

jungshook: seRIOUSLY THATS BOT HOW U ASK TIAT QUESTOIN

rapgodtae: WELL HOW ELSE U SPOSE TO ASK IT?!?!

taehyungs hoe: NOT LIKE THAT

parkjimin: hyung no

genius: jimin, stay

taehyungs hoe: ...

rapgodtae: JUNGKOOK DID IT

jungshook: hYUnG WTF

Chapter Text

Bangtan SHOOKyeondan

genius: anyone else?

genius: do you have any questions or concerns?

kimseokjiiin has added jeonjungkook to Bangtan SHOOKyeondan

jeonjungkook has changed his name to jungshook

KimNamjoon: Will you kick us out if we say yes?

genius: depends

KimNamjoon: What if the question is about your... positions in the relationship?

genius: ask nicely and i'll think about it

parkjimin: hYUNG SERioUSLy

rapgodtae: would either the skilled and legendary min yoongi hyung or talented and beatiful park jiminie hyung please tell us if the nosey disrespectful jeon jungkook heard correctly, and if yoongi-hyung, in fact, called jimin hyung 'daddy'?

kimseokjiiin: who knew taehyungah actually knew how to spell and text coherent sentences

rapgodtae: B I C H T I RESENT THT

parkjimin: if we tell u will u l3aves us tf alone

genius: ^^^

taehyungs hoe: cross our withered poor empty hearts and hope to die a quick and painless death by yoongi

parkjimin: well wat do u guys think

taehyungs hoe: what do u mean???? ??

genius: who do you think does what in our relationship?

rapgodtae: well

rapgodtae: i always thot jiminie was u know

rapgodtae: riding the horse while yoongi wore the saddle

jungshook: same ^^

taehyungs hoe: gr8 metaphor babe

rapgodtae: thx babe

taehyungs hoe: ur welcome babe

kimseokjiin: really? i think yoongiyah bottoms

Kim Namjoon: I thought hyung bottomed, too

genius: some of you are correct

Kim Namjoon: Well, obviously, hyung, but who?

parkjimin: are we realy telling them who fucks who hyung

genius: if you want to

parkjimin: i have no pride left to losee so go ahead

genius: jiminie does

jungshook: …

jungshook: then did i not hear yoongi calling jimin daddy or

parkjimin: u did but for very diferent resaomns

Kim Namjoon: Under what other pretenses would one call someone else ‘daddy’ not in a sexual connotation?

parkjimin: under hte rpetednse that ur recording a prart of a song for them and they have o show u haw to say what ur sayung

kimeokjiin: so yoongi was showing you how to call him daddy for a song?

parkjimin: i wasnt callin him daddy but dure yeah

rapgodtae: do u call him daddy in bed

genius: no he calls me oppa

parkijimin: H Y U N G O H M Y G O D

taehyungs hoe: *** O P P A

parkijimin: istg hyung i will hurt u stfu

genius: was i not supposed to say that? i can tell them what i call you to counteract if that’ll make you feel any better

parkjimin: nO THAT WILL DEFINITELY NOT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ! ! !!!!

jungshook: hyung tell us

rapgodtae: yeah ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

genius: well

parkjimin: I WILL NOT SUCK UR DICK FOR THREE FUCKING WEEKS HYUNG I S2G IF U TELL THEM

genius: yeah you will and you know it jiminie

kimseokjiiin: just tell us already

Kim Namjoon: Yeah, I have a meeting with manager-hyung soon, so I have to put my phone up.

genius: baby boy

parkjimin has left BangtanSHOOKyeondan

rapgodtae has added parkjimin to BangtanSHOOKyeondan

rapgodtae: b thats not bad hobi hyung calls me tht too its oKkKkKkK

taehyungs hoe: ik were like real open bout our relationship but a headsup wuld b nice seokjin hyung just slapped me

rapgodtae: at  least i didnt tell them u like it wen i wear heels wen im riding u

taehyungs hoe: ok stop he just kneed me in the balls not funny hyung i need those to have kids

kimseokjiiin: taehyung cant get pregnant hoseok no you don’t

taehyungs hoe: if we wanted to get a surrogate id obviously be the sperm donor so yeah i dOOO

rapgodtae: wait y do u get to be the donor im prettier

taehyungs hoe: yeah but im smarter more althetic and can dance so

rapgodtae: i can sing

taehyungs hoe: i can sing too fuck u

rapgodtae: been there done that

taehyungs hoe: dont b a bitch tae seriously

rapgodtae: just cause ur a macho top doesnt mean i couldnt b a donor for our kid

taehyungs hoe: if u were a girl ud carry the child but u have no ovaries so

rapgodtae: id fiND A WAY TRY ME HYUJMG

parkjimin: y dont we ever talk about kids yoongi hyung

genius: do you see what you’ve started you brats

kimseokjiiin: even joonie and i have talked about kids

kimseokjiiin: even though we technically have five but still

genius: i am not your child leave me out of that weird cult you have going on there

parkjimin: do you not want a family with me hyung?

jungshook: jimin hyung using correct grammar? ur in deep shit hyung

genius: jiminie i never said that this just isn’t a conversation for the entire band to see

parkjimin: doesn’t seem like you were ever going to have the conversation with me in the first place so

genius: jimin

parkjimin: no it’s fine yoongi

jungshook: woah okay hyung apologize hyungs not using honorifics

rapgodtae has changed the group text name to YOONMIN DIVORCE

genius: jimin don’t be a brat

parkjimin: so i’m a brat for wanting a future with my boyfriend wow okay so sorry

genius: park jimin

parkijimin: min yoongi

genius has removed parkijimin from YOONMIN DIVORCE

genius has left YOONMIN DIVORCE

rapgodtae: …

rapgodtae: uh well if jimin murders hyung i call dibs on agust d benefits

kimseokjiiin has removed rapgodtae from YOONMIN DIVORCE

xxxx

babz<3

baby boy: i just thought we were forever hyung i love you alot and i want a family and a normal life after everyone goes their separate ways and god i just want to be with you for the rest of my life

ooooppppaaa<33333: jiminie i love you so fucking much.

ooooppppaaa<33333: i may feel comfortable (to an extent) sharing intimate things about our relationship with the guys, but something so personal just isn’t one of them.

ooooppppaaa<33333: of course i want a future with you.

ooooppppaaa<33333: i want kids

ooooppppaaa<33333: and i want to get married

ooooppppaaa<33333: and i want to come home every night to you and our house and our life and i want to spend every fucking moment i have left breathing the same air as you and going to sleep with you next to me

ooooppppaaa<33333: so don’t you dare ever think or accuse me otherwise.

baby boy: you promise, hyung?

ooooppppaaa<33333: i promise, baby. forever and always.

baby boy: cum cudle w me im lonelieeeeeeee

ooooppppaaa<33333: and there she is

xxxx

YOONMIN DIVORCE

kimseokjiiin: i hope they get things figured out

kimseokjiiin: it’s been 3 hours

taehyungs hoe: of course they will. i mean, they’re yoongi and jimin

jungshook: yeah

Kim Namjoon: Uh, guys, why is Jimin crying alone on the couch?

kimseokjiiin: oH MY GOD NO

taehyungs hoe has added kimvtaehyung to YOONMIN DIVORCE

taehyungs hoe: do U KNO NAYTHIGN OBOUT THE STATUSE OF JIMIN ANF HYUNg????

kimvtaehyung: uhhh yeah?>?? they were watching cast away and the wilson scene came on and jimin started ballin his eyes out and hyung like lleft??? said sooethifn about kumamon

kimvtaehyung: and i said “that only cheers u up hyung”

kimvtaehyung: and he goes “seeing my bbboi upset makes me upset so”

kimvtaehyung: (and i quote)

kimvtaehyung: “go suck ur daddys dick or smthn”

jungshook: lovely

kimseokjiiin: so they’re good?

kimvtaehyung: yeh??

kimvtaehyung: ahhh hyungieeeeeeeeee~~~~~

Kim Namjoon: …

kimseokjiiin: uh which one

taehyungs hoe: me y would he talk to u guys ew

kimseokjiiin: okay listen here you little shit

kimseokjiiin has removed taehyungs hoe from YOONMIN DIVORCE

Kim Namjoon:  Hyung! Watch your mouth around the kids!

Kim  Namjoon has added junghoseokk to YOONMIN DIVORCE

kimseokjiiin: …

kimseokjiiin has removed Kim Namjoon from YOONMIN DIVORCE

junghoseokk: uh did u just kick dad out of the house or

kimseokjiiin: i’ll make you go with him watch your back hoseok

kimvtaehyung: i didn’t do anything wrong right ur not gonna kick me out again bc i was hurt and i cried for  two whole minutes okay mom im sorry for whatever i did wrong dont

kimseokjiiin has removed kimvtaehyung from YOONMIN DIVORCE

junghoseok: hyung honestly why r u so moody

kimseokjiiin has removed junghoseok from YOONMIN DIVORCE

kimseokjiiin: i regret having kids

Chapter Text

YOONMIN DIVORCE

kimseokjiiin has added junghoseok to YOONMIN DIVORCE

kimseokjiiin: JUNG HOSEOK I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I WILL PUNCH YOU IN YOUR THROAT HOW COULD YOU

junghoseok: in my defense hyung joonie pressured me into telling him

kimseokjiiin: IN WHAT WORLD WOULD KIM NAMJOON BE ABLE TO PRESSURE ANYONE INTO DOING ANYTHING

junghoseok: okay look i know you might be a teensy bit upset, and that’s understandable

kimseokjiiin: TEENSY

kimseokjiiin: TEENSY??????!!?!?!?!!

kimseokjiiin: HOSEOK I WILL FUCKING CASTRATE YOU

junghoseok has added KimNamjoon to YOONMIN DIVORCE

junghoseok: joonah pls help me and tell your girlfriend what i did was harmless

KimNamjoon: Define ‘harmless’.

kimseokjiiin: HOSEOK

kimseokjiiin: YOU BETTER ENJOY THE SAFETY OF THAT PRACTICE ROOM YOURE IN BC WHEN YOU GET OUT IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME YOU BREATHE AIR

KimNamjoon: Babe, calm down.

kimseokjiiin: I WILL NOT CALM DOWN YOU LUMPY PIECE OF BREAD YOURE IN NO WAY SAFE FROM REPERCUSSIONS EITHER YOUD FHV DFV  I HATE YOU BOTH

junghoseok: …

junghoseok: lumpy

junghoseok: piece

junghoseok: of bread???

kimseokjiiin: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HORSE LOOKIN MORERH FUCKIER

junghoseok: hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuunggggggg seriously it’s fine joonie is fine right no damage done

KimNamjoon: Yeah, I’m fine, and so are you.

kimseokjiiin: NO IM NOT YOU FUCKING SLAPPED MY ASS REALLY HARD IN FRONT OF MANAGER HYUNG AND I MOANED YOU LITERAL FUCKWAD

kimseokjiiin: I MOANED IN FRONT OF MY MANAGER

kimseokjiiin: AND NOW HE KNOWS WHAT I LIKE IN BED OH GOD

KimNamjoon: I mean, on the bright side, now I do, too. So there’s a bonus to your boss finding out you like to be spanked: your boyfriend finds out as well and can now do it. It’s a win-win, baby.

kimseokjiiin has added parkjimin and kimvtaehyung to YOONMIN DIVORCE

kimseokjiiin has added minyoongi to YOONMIN DIVORCE

kimseokjiiin: @parkjimin @kimvtaehyung how would it make you feel if yoongi or hOSEOK THAT DICK spanked you really fucking hard

parkjimin: fcuk id lovr it

kimvtaehyung: fuck yes please hobi

kimseokjiiin: how about if they did it in front of someone else

parkjimin: hahahahahahahahahha fuck

kimvtaehyung: bitvvh

KimNamjoon: Are you sure asking two really submissive, really kinky exhibitionist bottoms about this helps your case?

kimseokjiiin: whTA IF THEY IDD IT IN FRONT F MSNAGTER HYUNG

kimseojiiin: AND YOU MAONED

parkjimin: did namjoon hyungie do that

kimseokjiiin: YES

parkjimin: well thenx tht mite be different

minyoongi: what on earth convinced you that’d be a good idea namjoon

KimNamjoon: Hoseok.

minyoongi: ofc he did

minyoongi has changed junghoseok’s name to snake

minyoongi has changed the group chat’s name to hoe-seok’s a snakey hoe

parkjimin: i honsetly have no words rn

parkjimin: not really sure if i’m proud or horny bc my bby is using memes and i feel tingly what do i say

minyoongi: i’d appreciate a thank you i love you yoongi hyung

parkjimin: fuck me

jungshook: i leave for a few hours and this is what happens

jungshook: seokjin and namjoon hyungs are doing the nasty in front of dearly beloved manager hyung, min suga hyung is now a hardcore savage, and jimin

jungshook: well, jimin’s horny like always

kimseokjiiin: okay listn here you brat firts off

minyoongi: why would you know jimin’s always horny

kimvtaehyung: gUYS WE’RE OUT OF APPLESAUCE SEDJSLY

KimNamjoon: …

snake: i dont think thats the dire situation at hand bb

kimvtaehyung: liSTEN HERE U BITCH APPLESAUCE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEOKJIN HYUNG FREAKING OUT OVER NAKJOON SPANKING HIM IN FRONT OF OUR MANAGER

kimseokjiiin: HOW

kimvtaehyung: HONESTLY JUST BE GLAD THAT THE COMPANY IS LETTING US BE TOGETHER AT ALL OKAY BC IK JYP HAS EVERYTHING AGAINST BAM AND JACKSON AND U KNOW HOW IN LOVE THOSE TWO ARE IMAGINE IF THEY DIDNT LET YOONGI AND JIMIN BE TOGETHER

kimvtaehyung: OR MY HUBBYHOSEOKIEHYUNG AND I I WOULD FUCKING THROW MYSLEF OFF A CLIFF

kimvtaehyung: OR GODFORBID HE NOT LET OUR EOMMA AND APPA #1S BE TOGETHER JFC YOU WOULD LITERALLY KILL YOURSELF SEOKJIN HYUNG AND YOU KNOW IT

kimvtaehyung: SO I DONT GIVE A FLYING FICK IF YOURE MAD AT JOONIEHYUNG BC HE EXPLOITED YORU KINK TO PDNIMM JUST BE GLAD HES NOT PUTTING U UNDER SOME RIDUCUKOUS CONTRACT OK? OK

KimNamjoon: …

kimseokjiiin: …

snake: …

minyoongi: v with the good word

parkjimin: min fucking yoongi if u dont sex me right now i will shove my own fist up my ass istfg

minyoongi: be undressed and waiting for me baby

snake: literally this gc is not a sext place for you??? like???? have you noticed??

KimNamjoon: Jesus fucking Christ, like last fucking week when Jimin sent a description of how he much he wanted Yoongi to fuck him. In explicit, unnecessary detail.

parkijimin: that was on accidentttttt i didnt mean toooooo

kimseokjiiin: yeah but yoongi definitely meant to provide an obnoxiously long retelling of the last time he ate you out

snake: i swear the one time yoongi sent a dick pick not only could i not look at yoongi for two weeks but i couldnt touch taehyung either

minyoongi: what does my dick have anything to do with your sex life with tae

snake: considering wed been on tour for our comeback and that was the first hard dick id seen in a little over a month it had a lot to do with my sex life with taehyungie for two weeks

jungshook: i love all of u (to an extent) but two things

jungshook: 1 - dont ever forget u have a firm and proud but easily influenced str8 in this gc ok bc the number of times u all have made me question my love for pussy is too many

jungshook: 2 - is no 1 else consrend abt jimins sexual attrction to memes bc i worry hyung i do

snake: is this your way of telling us your dick gets hard bc of our precious jiminie

jungshook: been htere done tht no thx

kimseokjiiin: wHAT

KimNamjoon: YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THAT AND EXPECT US TO BE OKAY WITH THAT OH MY GOD WHEN AND WHY THE FUCK DID THIS HAPENDN

parkjimin: okay look i didnt know anyone in training and taehyung freaked me out and i was horny and hed never done it with a guy so he wanted to experiment and he was cute ok i was a horny trainee with a cute and hot asf boy dangling in my face so like i took the chance

kimvtaehyung: ***his virginity*** yOU TOOK HIS VIRGINITY NOT THE CHANCE YOU BTICH

minyoongi: uh

snake: PARK JIMIN. JEON JUNGKOOK. YOU INSUFFERABLE FUCKWADS ISTG WHENT I GET MY HANDS ON YOU

KimNamjoon: ANSWER MY QEUSTION HWY THE FUCK DIIF  THIS HAPPEN AND WHEN

minyoongi: uH

parkjimin: nic e going jungdick

jungshook: oh clever i see bc some ppl call me jungcock but that was a dick mmove and wow id laugh if i acually fucking cared bitcch u slept with me this is ur doing

parkjimin: okay it was so long ago id never ever think of it now ew no

parkjimin: i mean maybe if you were gay but alas no such luck

minyoongi: UH

minyoongi: HEY, JIMIN. IT’S ME, YOU KNOW: YOUR BOYFRIEND.

parkjimin: hey hyungie! <3

minyoongi: …

minyoongi has changed kimvtaehyung’s name to twinkwhosuckedyoongisdickonce

minyoongi has changed the group chat’s name to yoongi has fucked 4/7 of bts

parkjimin: uh what

twinkwhosuckedyoongisdickonce: this was like way back in 2k14 hyung let it go

KimNamjoon: Slut, much? @minyoongi

parkjimin has changed minyoongi’s name to sluttysuga

sluttysuga: the one and only

sluttysuga: but like, JUNGKOOK OF ALL PEOPLE YOU MOTHER FUCKING JIMIN

parkjimin: we all have our regrets

jungshook: hey hey no im still here b nice u bitch

parkjimin: stfu mr ‘couldnt get it up for at least 2 hours more often than not’

jungshook: PARK JIMIN U WHORE I WAS A TRAINEE OK LIFE WAS REAL TUFF BCK THEN OK LIKE CALM TF DOWN

parkjimin: who were the four?

jungshook: no no my predicament outshines your stupid quiz

sluttysuga: well, you, tae, jinnie hyung and hobi

jungshook: am i not relevant or

parkjimin: literally stfu jk i will castrate u

parkjimin: and when tf did u have time to fuck more than half of our band bc we got together in december of 2014

sluttysuga: before then

parkjimin: taehyung actually sucked your dick b4 me that hurts wow

suttysuga: jungcock put his dick in you before me so like we’re even

parkjimin: not really no offense but idt tae’s dick sucking skills quite line up with a straight boys thrust aim js

parkjimin: almost compares to you hyng

sluttysuga: thanks

twinkswhosuckedyoongisdickonce: don’t knock me til u try me jiminie baby

parkjimin: ill just ask my boyfriend how good at sucking dick you are

parkjimin: yoongi hyung?

sluttysuga has left yoongi has fucked 4/7 of bts

parkjimin: biHCT

Chapter Text

yoongi has fucked 4/7 of bts

twinkwhosuckedyoongisdickonce: gUYS GUESS WHO JUST TEXTED ME ASKING ME FOR KOOKIES NUMBER

babymin: change ur name tae tf y has it been that for two months

twinkwhosuckedyoongisdickonce: ithink hyung acidently locked my name when he chnaged it

dAdDyMiN: shit sorry tae give me a sec

dAdDyMiN: there you go

twinkwhosuckedyoongisdickonce has changed his name to taesty

taesty: thx hyung!

taesty: OKAY BACK TO MY EARLIER QUESTION @johncook GUESS WHO ASKED 4 UR #D#I#G#I#T#S#???????

johncook: uh who ?

taesty: GDADDYDADDY ASKED FOR UR NUMBER BC HE WANTS A COLLABB JUNGKOOKIE OHMYGOD

johncook: wHAT

johncook: OH MY GOD

johncook: R U SERIOUS

taesty: lol no

johncook: what

johncook:

johncook: this is what you’ve done to me

babymin: hes not lyin hes actually cryin tears r fallin down his face rn

taesty: lol srry but really someone adorable asked 4 ur # n i gave it to em bc fmu

taesty:

taesty: twinkalicious

monnie: Wait, isn’t that Yoon Sanha from ASTRO?

taesty: glad u asked dad

monnie: Don’t call me that.

taesty: it IS in fact yoon sanhadorable from astro aka the cutest band to ever walk the earth n we ran into eachother at the boba place n he asked for ur number all shy n shit and obviouslu i had 2 give it 2 him bc look @ him

taesty:

johncook: k 2 things taehyungie hyung

johncook: 1 that looks like two different people

johncook: 2 in case u have forgotten

johncook: im straight

taesty: … shit u rite

taesty: and the orange hair one was from like last year or the year before

dAdDyMiN: shit tae how old is this kid

princessarosa: he looks 12

taesty: 17

monnie: I think I speak for everyone when I say that this is the stupidest idea you’ve ever had, Tae.

taesty: bchti did i ask u no

taesty: hyung* haha oh autocorrect is a lil moody today sorry bout tht

monnie: …

johncook: gYSU EH SJUT XTEDTE EM????? TF OD IOD?

hung;)hoeseok: translation pls idont speak sexually in denial brat

babymin: “gUYS HE JUST TEXTED ME????? TF DO I DO?”

taesty: yes ohmygod

taesty has changed the group chat name to sankook sails

johncook: no hyung im not gay how do i tell him??

babymin: hey sanha im bisexual

johncook: not helping (not bisexual either)

princessarosa: i thought we raised you well kookie i will not allow this type of…

monnie: Heterosexual

princessarosa: *cringes* cant even bring myself to say that word ohmygoodness

princessarosa: that kind of behavior in my good christian home

johncook: that is literally a walking contradiction of a sentence js jinhyung

monnie: Who asked you?

hung;)hoeseok: sAVAGE

johncook: tf do i sat\\\ceja

babymin: wat did he txt u?

johncook: ‘hello jungkook sunbaenim! it’s yoon sanha from astro; i ran into taehyung sunbaenim at a boba tea place earlier, and i asked for your number. i hope that’s okay? my groupmates and i admire bts’ work very much and have so much respect for you all! i just wanted to text you and see if we could maybe become friends? if not, that is okay!”

taesty: hES SO PRECIOU S

babymin: M U S T

princessarosa: P R OT E C T

hung;)hoeseok: WHOTF GAVE HIM THE RIGHT HOW DARE HE

johncook: u r all awful tf ill deal with it on my own bye assholes

jeonjungkook to yoon sanha!

jeonjungkook: hey sanha srry had to doo smthn

jeonjungkook: uh thts rllly flattering! we appreciate ur support and hope u continue to do so!

yoon sanha!: of course!

jeonjungkook: so

jeonjungkook: friends? just friends?

yoon sanha!: i

yoon sanha!: did taehyung sunbaenim tell you i was freaking out?

jeonjungkook: lol yeh

yoon sanha!: gosh, i’m sorry if it’s awkward? i really do want to become friends, though! i’ve always thought you were cool, jungkook sunbaenim!

jeonjungkook: we can b friends yeh i dont c y not

yoon sanha!: really? yaya! can i call you hyung???

jeonjungkook: give me a sec hold on sry brb hahahahha

sankook sails

johncook: TBICH SKAED IF HE CULD CALL ME HYUGN IM KEEPING HIM SBOUT DAMN TIME I GET RESPECT AROUND HERE

babymin: sweetie u can only get in return wat u put out into the world

taesty: fckuin GET REKD M8

johncook:

dAdDyMiN: bitch tf did i ever do to you

johncook: taught jimin how to sass ppl

babymin: actually that was jinhyung sass queen #1 aka my mom

princessarosa: n dont you 4get it

johncook: i hate all of u???

taesty: no???

hung;)hoeseok: you don’t???

johncook: but i do??? especially jinhyung and jimin???

princessarosa: bITCH I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD I CAN TAKE OYU BACK OUT OF IT NOONED MISS YOU ANYWAY

johncook: *hurt* *whispers* mom…

princessarosa: EVER SINCE I GAVE BIRTH TO YOU MY VAGINA HAS NOT BEEN THE SAME

johncook:

johncook: mom no let it die

monnie: If by ‘it’ you mean you, then I wholeheartedly agree.

dAdDyMiN: same

hung;)hoeseok: me too

taesty: honestly me too

babymin: sbout fckin time

princessarosa: sorry kookie majority rules

johncook: haha ok very funny

babymin: lol kook id watch out if iwere u omfomf

johncook: lol y

johncook: oHMYDOSFV OKMFN JINHYUNG WHAT THE FUCK

johncook: IVE LOCKED MYSELF IN THE BATHROOM

johncook: Y DO U HABVE A KNIFE JINHYUNG WTF

princessarosa: like i said baby kookie

princessarosa: majority rules

johncook: no fck this

johncook has left sankook sails

babymin: lol nice once mom

princessarosa: thanks my precious lil mochi baby

jeonjungkook to yoon sanha!

jeonjungkook: yahe eyh mi cbak

yoon sanha!: ?? are you alright jungkook sunbaenim?

jeonjungkook: yah haha lol (call me hyung) no biggie my mom just chased me into the bathroom with a knife so ive set up camp here to keep safe lol wbu?

yoon sanha!: oh haha understandable. mj hyung gets irritable sometimes, too. though, his weapon of choice is embarrassing surprise candid-cameras or flinging his entire body at us as hard as he can

jeonjungkook: lol relatable tho

yoon sanha!: i have to go; i’m supposed to go get ready for filming for weekly idol, so i’ll text you later?

jeonjungkook: you better

yoon sanha!: okay! bye, jungkook hyung!

jeonjungkook: bhdbrye sanhaaahshahloe hahahhahahahah

sankook sails

hung;)hoeseok: guys why the fuck is jungkook laughing like a fucking psycho in the bathroom

babymin: that qtpie sanha probs called him hyung or sum shit no doubt

hung;)hoeseok: ah makes sense

taesty: WAIT GUYS I JUST REMEMBE VITAL INFO ABT JK THAT JM HAS N NEVER TOLD US

princessarosa: are you referring to what i think you are?

taesty: WAT KIND OF PORN DOES JK WATCH?

princessarosa: yES BITCH OMG YOU REALLY ARE MINE IM PROUD

babymin: lol y do u wanknow so bad

monnie: Because this is Jungkook we’re talking about; our resident “straight boy”.

babymin: makes sense lol

dAdDyMiN: get on it with it

babymin: tf where’d u cum from???

dAdDyMiN: the depths of hell wbu

babymin: … ik i said i liked it wen u used memes n stuff but pls dont ever txt like tht ever again yoongs just

babymin: dont

dAdDyMiN: did i fucking ask you park jimin

babymin: not particularly no but m jus sayin it doesnt make u sound any younger

dAdDyMiN: and moaning like a back-alley whore and calling me “daddy” every time i fuck you doesn’t make you sound any hotter but you still do it

taesty: hey now lets not be r00d

princessarosa: n e v e r ridicule the sounds your bottom makes during sex. e v e r

babymin: no tae jinhyung hes g00d jus not gettin his dick sucked l8r

monnie: A deserved punishment.

dAdDyMiN: i can still get my dick sucked just doesn’t have to be by you

babymin: right wtf r u gonna ask??

babymin: taehyung??

dAdDyMiN: doubt he’d decline the offer if given

taesty: wheres the lie

hung;)hoeseok: b it c h???????

taesty: oh please don’t act like any of u wouldn’t love to get dicked down by min fcking yoongi

monnie: I can say with full confidence in my position as a Dom: I’d pay any kind of money to have Yoongi-hyung shove his dick up my ass. Just sayin’.

princessarosa: me too honestly (again)

hung;)hoeseok: probs the best dick ive had in my lyfe lol minnie uve got urself a keeeppper

dAdDyMiN: wanna ask your question again, baby boy?

dAdDyMiN: daddy has four other cocksluts he can fuck if you’re not feeling up for it

monnie: WHEN YOU FORGET YOONGIHYUGN IS ACTULSAY A DAADYY???

babymin: when you forget all of your friends are complete and utter assholes who have no boundaries?? and your boyfriend has no qualms about fucking other people???

taesty: awww b cmon its a joke

babymin: lol did i say i was mad? just statinf tru f a c t s

babymin: s l u t s

princessarosa: every day i grow prouder as the mom of park jimin js

hung;)hoeseok: backtracking a little bit here uh yoongi u said jimin callin u daddy doesnt make him any hotter but?? yet he still calls u that??

babymin: uh

dAdDyMiN: who said i was the one who got off to that?

taesty: I THOT HE CALLED U OPPA THO???

dAdDyMiN: yeah for my benefit

babymin: can we like terminate this convo rn bc???

taesty: then where tf did daddy cum from??

babymin: T E R M I N A T E  T H E  C O N V E R S A T I O N  P L E A S E

dAdDyMiN: considering there is only two people in our relationship, jimin and i, you tell me where the fuck daddy came from

taesty: lol no>]?? chim likes calling you daddy??

babymin: min yoongi i will cut your dick off and choke you with it

taesty: W   A   I   T

taesty: W  A  I  T

taesty: W A I T

taesty: WAIT

taesty: wait

taesty: lol i dont have anythn 2 say i jus wanted 2 do tht lol

dAdDyMiN: i’m not a horrible boyfriend so i’ll let jimin tell you on his own (though i’m surprised you guys haven’t picked up on it yet because it’s really fucking obvious especially at the dorms after long grueling practices and promotions???)

babymin: i

babymin: ok real talk you guys??

taesty: shit wait

taesty has changed the group chat name to spill the tea with ta(e)ti

taesty has changed his name to ta(e)ti

ta(e)ti has added jeonjungkook to spill the tea with ta(e)ti

ta(e)ti: ok b go

jeonjungkook: tf is going on???

princessarosa: jiminie has something to tell us?? he’s even using proper grammar which????? s c a r y ?

jeonjungkook: shit hyung you alright??

babymin: it’s nothing big?? (lolololololol) i mean like yoongi hyung said i’m real surprised you haven’t picked up on it yet

monnie: I think I know… Does it have to do anything with that fight you had with your parents a few months ago, Minnie?

babymin: haha kinda?? i think that was definitely what brought this out yeah but i haven’t ever had a good relationship with my dad?? sooo lol??

ta(e)ti: ok i’m super confused right now min wats going on??

babymin: under recent realizations i park jimin have discovered that i sometimes slip into little space??

jeonjungkook: like… d/md/lg/b?? or cg/l??

ta(e)ti: btchi no one understands you abreviations

jeonjungkook: daddy/mommy dom / little girl/boy or care giver / little

ta(e)ti: i

ta(e)ti: im not gonna comment on this bc min u know how i feel about these types of relationships

dAdDyMiN: ok first off you saying that pretty much throws indirect shade at him so properly shut the fuck up kim taehyung second off jimin doesn’t need your approval for what he does (not like he can help it when he slips into little space anyway you cocksucker) so again i say shut the fuck up kim taehyung

babymin: lolol two things : fuck me right now min yoongi or i will cum all over ur duvet and tae i understand how you feel n all but like? mines not gross n shit like some pervert u read about online its still pretty new to me so i just

babymin: its not like

babymin: i dont know how to explain it but its not for any pedophilia reasons or other

princessarosa: isnt it dangerous tho??

monnie: How so?

hung;)hoeseok: what happens if he slips into little space during a promotional event or something?

babymin: first time it happened was at a fansign

babymin: the one in osaka?

dAdDyMiN: it wasn’t severe or anything just towards the end he was just really clingy and i got confused so i took him to go get boba afterwards and he called me daddy? had this endearing pout on his face and everything and i guess i just kinda knew it wasn’t anything sexual??

jeonjungkook: so is it dd/lb or cg/l mostly

babymin: it started off as me just seeking validation and love and i guess overall attention because my parents n i have been getting in small tiffs here lately and while you all talk to your families i couldn’t cause mine wouldn’t pick up their phones

babymin: so it started off as cg/l but i went into subspace one time while yoongi was fucking me n he confused it for little space so he stopped and asked if i was good n if i still wanted it n i said yes a lil confused n he started fucking me again but referred to himself as daddy n that pushed me over to little space so it started becoming sexual too?? but its mostly jsut nonsexual

princessarosa: thats really sweet actually yoongi bein all caring n shit

dAdDyMiN: fuck right off

princessarosa: sorry DADDY

babymin: lol

-----

spill the tea with ta(e)ti

babymin: oh yeah hey guys jungkook watches hentai forgot to expand on that topic yesterday lololololol

princessarosa:  NOT I N MY  G O O  D  CHRISIYTA N HOME

princessarosa has kicked jeonjungkook out of spill the tea with ta(e)ti

Chapter Text

spill the tea with ta(e)ti

dAdDyMiN has added jeonjjungkook to spill the tea with ta(e)ti

jeonjjungkook: i

dAdDyMiN: jeon fucking jungkook what the actual fuck??

monnie: That is disgusting? And, like, that’s coming from me?

babymin: ^^^

ta(e)ti: hentai?? the actalu fikcung fkcu?????? ??????

jeonjjungkook: i cant read suddenly i dont know

princessarosa: youre so fucking grounded do you hear me jeon jungkook i swear to god

jeonjjungkook: guys waiy lte me explain

hung;)hoeseok:

hung;)hoeseok: were good thx

babymin: 10/10 f0r meme reuse +50 pts for it being used against the person who introduced it

hung;)hoeseok: aw thx min

babymin: np hung ;))))

hung;)hoeseok: ;)))))))))))))))

ta(e)ti: ok but tht srsly cnat b the only pron he watches???

monnie: Pron.

dAdDyMiN: pron

princessarosa: hey kookie what other types of pron do you watch

babymin changed jeonjjungkook ’s name to pron watcher

pron watcher: u think ur funny news breaker u r not

ta(e)ti: news breaker

princessarosa: what did i do wrong as a mother? not only is he a perverted weeb but also an idiot

princessarosa: he’s definitely yours namjoon no denying it now

monnie: I can’t even disagree with you at this point. I’ll just keep ignoring him until he moves out

pron watcher: god at least i dont take it upon myself to search up ‘how to get your boyfriend to agree to a gangbang’

hung;)hoeseok: wHAT WHO

ta(e)ti: WAIT

ta(e)ti has changed the chat name to KINKS: EXPOSED

ta(e)ti: ok gO

pron watcher: yoongi hyung? wanna tell us what uve been tryin to get jimin to agree to

babymin: lol he’s been what?

dAdDyMiN: JEON JUNGKOOK I WILL PISS ALL OVER YOUR IRON MAN PILLOW I SWEAR TO GOD

babymin: uh?? hyung??

dAdDyMiN: JIN HYUNG WANTS A TO RECORD A SEX TAPE

princessarosa: YOU BITCH

monnie: …

princessarosa: HOSEOK WANTS TO HAVE A THREESOME WITH KOOK AND TAE

hung;)hoeseok: ohMUGOSNSC HYUJGN

hung;)hoeseok: NAMJOON TOLD ME HE WANTED JIMIN TO DOMINATE HIM

babymin: adcjnoscihfjoflck

monnie: OH MY GOD TAEHYUNG WANTS JUNGKOOK TO CHOKE HIM

ta(e)ti: i mean truth bUT JIMIN WANTS KOOK JOON YOONGS AND HOBI TO FUCK HIM AT THE SAME TIME

babymin: what did i do to you?????!!!!!???!?!?!

babymin: I’VE FUCKED YOONGI BEFORE

babymin: wait no that wasnt ohmygod

dAdDyMiN: HOW DOES THAT

dAdDyMiN: OHMYGOD JIMIN YOU LITTLE SHIT

princessarosa: whAT WHEN WAS THIS

monnie: GAINA WTHI HTE CRUEVLLABS

dAdDyMiN: DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU STARTED YOU LITTLE SHIT @ pron watcher

pron watcher:

pron watcher: dO yOu SeE wHaT yOu StArTeD

dAdDyMiN:

dAdDyMiN: OH IM JUNGKOOK I THINK IM JUST THE FUNNIEST FUCKING GUY TO EVER WALK THE EARTH AND I THINK IM HOT SHIT BC AMERICAN GIRLS SOIL THE PANTIES JUST LOOKING AT ME BUT I ACTUALLY LOOK LIKE SHREKS TOE AND IM IN DENIAL ABOUT WHO I LIKE FUCKING I SAY I LOVE PUSSY BUT IM JUST A GAY ASS FAGGOT WHO CANT HANDLE HIS EMOTIONS SO I BURDEN OTHERS WITH THEM SO I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF

pron watcher:

pron watcher: OH IM MIN YOONGI I THINK BECAUSE I CAN WRITE LYRICS AND PRODUCE MUSIC IM AUTOMATICALLY BETTER THAN EVERYONE AND I USE MY DEPRESSION AS MEANS TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY AND SORRY FOR ME AND I THINK IM THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD AND I KNOW EVERYTHING I THINK IM SO COOL BUT IN REALITY IM JUST AN ASSHOLE WHO HAS NO CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS FEELINGS OR WHAT ANYONE ELSE IS GOING THROUHG

hung;)hoeseok: …

ta(e)ti: …

monnie: …

princessarosa:

dAdDyMiN: you know nothing about what i go through jeon jungkook so fuck you for being such a grade a asshole congratulations

pron watcher: and u know nothing about what i go through so fuck u for being such a dickweed congratu-fucking-lations

dAdDyMiN: oh im sorry did your parents kick you out when you were 13 and make you live with your grandparents?

dAdDyMiN: did you have to take to drugs and stealing things and getting into street fights to survive?

dAdDyMiN: have you tried to kill yourself enough times that you were put on suicide watch for two years?

dAdDyMiN: you don’t know what i feel like every fucking day when i wake up jungkook so shut the fuck up you sorry-ass privileged fucking asshole

dAdDyMiN: not everyone had the luxury of growing up in a stable home with parents who loved each other and parents who spoon-fed them everything in life and showed them the way

dAdDyMiN: not everyone can be as fucking great as the golden fucking maknae jungkook sorry

pron watcher: fuck you

pron watcher: one hundred percent fucking fuck you min yoongi

pron watcher: you think i was priviledged? you think my parents didnt make me work for everything i had? for everything i was? my parents are strict catholic live-by-the-word-of-god people who dont understand the first thing about raising a child from love and care

pron watcher: to them everything i did was done wrong i couldnt dance right i couldnt sing right i couldnt do my homework right i couldnt pass my classes right i couldnt eat right i couldnt sleep right i couldnt breathe right i couldnt fucking go to the goddamned bathroom right without my mom telling my i wiped my own ass the wrong fucking way

pron watcher: when i got my ears pierced for months they were only addressing me as “faggot” and “queer boy” when i auditioned for superstar k n i didnt make it passed the elimination round they threatened to ground me until i made something out of myself

pron watcher: i was so fucking spent that i thought i would give up everything to just be done with it all

pron watcher: i wanted to kill myself just so i didnt have to lie to my parents anymore about what i wanted in life and who i was because if i couldnt have their approval what good was living anymore?

pron watcher: it was a miracle to be drafted by 8 agencies but my parents were only asking why there wasnt more why wasnt i good enough for 9 or 10

pron watcher: they wanted me to debut as a solo artist because they thought me debuting with a bunch of other boys would turn me gay

pron watcher: fucking jokes on them because ive been gay my entire fucking life

pron watcher: wait no

pron watcher: no i didnt i mean

pron watcher: im not gay not im not

dAdDyMiN:

dAdDyMiN: iM nOt GaY

pron watcher: …

pron watcher: i really wish i could say im so fucking pissed of at you right now just for that

pron watcher: but i snorted so hard chocolate milk came out of my nose so

dAdDyMiN: sorry kookie i didn’t mean any of it yeah? i know you’ve had it rough. we’ve all had it rough (except jin hyung wtf that asshole gets good looks and a caring family while some of us are only stuck with half)

princessarosa:

princessarosa: what can i say im perfect sorry bitch

pron watcher: lol its alright hyung im sorry too your depression is valid and i was a dick and youre a genius

dAdDyMiN: now you’re just trying to butter me up

pron watcher:

pron watcher: ok i spent like five minutes tryna find a picture of yoongis face on a piece of bread but this is all i found im sorrowly dissapointed in our armys rn so i found jimin looking like a piece of bread for mr rogers neighborhood or sum shit

ta(e)ti: sorely dissapointed** not sorrowly

pron watcher: i said wat i said

babymin: kookie idt that bread is from mr rogers neighborhood?

pron watcher: yeah it is

babymin: no kookie idts

pron watcher: it is

babymin: kookie

pron watcher:

pron watcher: it’s

pron watcher: from

pron watcher: mr

pron watcher: rogers

pron watcher: neighborhood

babymin:

babymin: damn bitch fine

monnie: Hey guys, hate to be the bearer of bad news

babymin:

babymin: fuck wrong one gimme a sec

monnie: Why the fuck do you even have that one?

dAdDyMiN: hi i’m min yoongi

monnie: Makes sense

babymin:

babymin: there we go

monnie: Endearing, but I’m still going to. We better get forty winks for our shoot and meet tomorrow, alright? I’m using my leader privileges over you all and telling you to turn off your phones and lights and catch some z’s.

pron watcher: ahhh ok hyung nightie night every1

princessarosa: bye guys

hung;)hoeseok: gnighttttt

babymin: NIGHT GUYS I LOVE U (hyungie cn i come sleep in ur bed????)

dAdDyMiN: i hope you all choke in your sleep (yeah baby whatever you need)

ta(e)ti: ok but

ta(e)ti: forty winks?????

hung;)hoeseok: jfc christ tae go to sleep

KINKS: EXPOSED

ta(e)ti: gUYS AUJDJAOJICA OADASJII OI CNA T SLEOEP

ta(e)ti: IVE BEND TIRYING BU T I CNAT N THERES ITHIS ONE THING S ON YM MGIND IC ANT

dAdDyMiN: kim taehyung i will not hesitate to slaughter you it is 3 in the morning

ta(e)ti: OKAY BTU I SWA GION TRHUOG TUMBLR N I SAW SMTNHNS THT FICKED ME UP

hung;)hoeseok: taehyungah i love u with all my heart and shit but youre not bein stealthy hiding your phone undder your blanket i cna still see the light illuminating our entire fcking room pl go to sleep

ta(e)ti: OKHAY BUT RIDDLE ME THIS BOIS

ta(e)ti: DOES MIKE WAZOWSKI WINK OR BLINK

dAdDyMiN: i

hung;)hoeseok:

ta(e)ti: jus smthn 2 think bout

jeonjjungkook and yoon sanha!

yoon sanha!: good morning, jungkook hyung! i hope i’m not waking you up or anything! i just wanted to say good luck on your shoot and fan meet today! fighting!

yoon sanha!:

KINKS: EXPOSED

pron watcher: suddenly im gay

babymin: suddenly

pron watcher:

babymin: i mean me too

hung;)hoeseok: suddenly im the king of the gay kingdom

ta(e)ti: suddenly my last name is gay

dAdDyMiN: suddenly my first name is gay

monnie: Suddenly my life is gay

princessarosa: suddenly my entire family is gay

pron watcher: im so fucked arent i

ta(e)ti: yeeeeeee boiiiiiiiiii

pron watcher has changed his name to jungkook

jungkook has changed the chat name to life

jungkook has left life

dAdDyMiN: well there’s one way to do it

Chapter Text

life

ta(e)ti: lol jungkook be wathcing to be continued ffs

babymin:

dAdDyMiN: what’s to be continued?

babymin: astros show thing they did before they debuted

babymin:

dAdDyMiN: they all look like they wanna kill themselves just saying

princessarosa: guys kookie keeps squealing and then looking around with a tuff TM look on his face to make sure no one heard him i cANT

babymin: lol im gonna go ahead and ask tae to do the deed pls

ta(e)ti: already on it

ta(e)ti has added yoon sanha! to life

dAdDyMiN: okay but are you taking into consideration jungkook’s feelings?

babymin: no

ta(e)ti: lol good joke hyung 10/10

dAdDyMiN: i

yoon sanha!: uh, hello?

ta(e)ti: sANHA HEY

yoon sanha!: again, i say: uh, hello?

yoon sanha!: who are you? do i know you?

babymin: its bts

yoon sanha!: oh! hello, bts sunbaenims! ( ･ω･)ﾉ

dAdDyMiN: yeah just call us your hyungs it’ll be easier on everyone

princessarosa: i think we should introduce ourselves because sanha might not know who each of us is. i’ll start: i’m their mom, kim seokjin

yoon sanha!: hihi jin hyung! ~

dAdDyMiN: yoongi

hung;)hoeseok: im hoseokkkkkkkkkkkkkk

yoon sanha!: hello and hello hyungs! (＾ω＾)

babymin: i ma mijni

babymin: lol sry ran into a door

babymin: i am jimin

yoon sanha!: oh! are you okay? do you need ice? you have to make sure it doesn’t bruise, hyung! (⋟﹏⋞)

babymin: i

babymin: askdfgsovn you’resoprecious asdksffjd killmee

yoon sanha!: !! thank you !! but !! please don’t die !!

ta(e)ti: u already kno me sanha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its taehyung

yoon sanha!: hi hyung!

monnie: Hello! I am Kim Namjoon! It is nice to finally (virtually) meet you; I’ve heard so many positive things about ASTRO, and I wish you the best on your upcoming years!

yoon sanha!: oh mhy godns hi! thatnk ouy so much uyo hvae no idea how much that means to us!

babymin: u

ta(e)ti: u broke him tf hyung???

babymin: i swear this is why we cant have nice things or pretty boys in our group chat jfc hyung

monnie: Okay, 1: Look around you, Jimin, and appreciate all the fancy things you have that others could never dream of, and 2: There are plenty of pretty boys in this chat, so shut the actual fuck up.

dAdDyMiN: jin hyung namjoon thinks there are pretty boys in this group chat who aren’t you @ princessarosa

princessarosa: bitch said what now?????? ???????

monnie: Okay, when did I ever say Jin-hyung wasn’t pretty; have you seen him?

monnie:

monnie: Bunch’a bitches.

dAdDyMiN: but how much photoshop is on that photo?

princessarosa: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I’M ACTUALLY THAT PRETTY YOU BITCH

babymin:

babymin: but r u

princessarosa: jIMIN YOU TRAITOR YOU WERE MY FAVORITE

ta(e)ti: excUSE ME WHAT ABOUT ME

princessarosa: i can’t read suddenly i don’t know

hung;)hoeseok: hey topic change

hung;)hoeseok: u knoe wat weve never actaully talked abt??

dAdDyMiN: jin hyung and namjoons relationship?

hung;)hoeseok: yee

princessarosa: ok not true we talked about me callin him oppa n him spankin me i think thats good enough

babymin: k no cos tae n i have shared a fuckton about our relationshipd with hobi hyung and yoonie hyung

princessarosa:

ta(e)ti: yOONIE

ta(e)ti has changed dAdDyMiN ’s name to YOONIE

YOONIE: i feel attacked

ta(e)ti: OMG THATS SO CUTE WAHH WHERED U GEDDIT?

babymin: lol i saw sum1 callin him that on a fanpage n ive been hooked ever since its cute rgith??

ta(e)ti: OMG YES AH I WISH I HAD SUMTHIN CUTE TO CALL HOSEOK HYUNGIE I FEEL LEFT OUT :’’’(((((

hung;)hoeseok: i mean everythin u call me pretty mmuch so does every1 else cant help u out there lol sry bitch

ta(e)ti: im only with u for ur dick i hope u know that

hung;)hoeseok: and my tongue

hung;)hoeseok: and my fingers

hung;)hoesoek: and my thighs

hung;)hoesoek: and my legs

hung;)hoesoek: and my ass

ta(e)ti: k but who asked u

yoon sanha!: i’m

princessarosa: oHMYGOD I FORGOT HE WAS HERE WHAT THE LITERAL FLYING FUCK

babymin: YOU SAW NOTHING SANHA OK

babymin: NOTHING

yoon sanha!: i

yoon sanha!: yeah, okay.

yoon sanha!: i’m pretty used to it by now, so it’s cool.

YOONIE: define ‘used to it by now’

yoon sanha!: mj hyung and jinwoo hyung are pretty nasty

ta(e)ti: NOT ASTRO NO THE PURE BBIES

yoon sanha!: not so pure, yeah.

yoon sanha!: if you don’t mind me asking: why did you add me to your group chat?

monnie: What? Do you not enjoy talking to us, Sanha? What a shame.

yoon sanha!: ono  i od ogm i relaly enjo y talking iewth oyu gysus.

princessarosa: you fucker @monnie you’re just flirting with him aren’t you

monnie: And if I was?

yoon sanha!: i ‘ m

jungkook: you were doing what? @ monnie

babymin: WHERE THE FUCK DID U CUM FROM TF

YOONIE: jungkook, you’re favoritism is showing

yoon sanha!: hello, jungkook hyung!!

jungkook: asjdfdvbn h e y

YOONIE: hey @ yoon sanha! you know jungkook has like a thing for being called hyung right you are more than likely making his dick hard right now as we speak

yoon sanha!: i

jungkook: ahsdjfk;dskaka he s  lyli n g

monnie: No, he’s not.

yoon sanha!: i’m flattered? i think. thank you, jungkook hyung, for…

yoon sanha!: getting hard over me? is that appropriate to say?

princessarosa: N O T   F O R   T W E L V E   Y E A R   O L D S

yoon sanha!: i’m eighteen, though, okay? those jokes get old. ಠ_ಠ

hung;)hoeseok: U N L I K E  Y O U

yoon sanha!: i came here to have a good time, and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.

babymin: actually tae invited u here

ta(e)ti: correct ^^^

yoon sanha!: i can leave.

jungkook: since when do u have an a t t i t u d e ?

yoon sanha!: there’s a lot you don’t know about me, jungkook hyung. (･ω<)☆

jungkook: I ‘ M

YOONIE: so are you guys gonna meet up and fuck or what

jungkook: HYUNG OHMUGPD

monnie: @babymin @YOONIE Hey, sorry to interrupt you guys, but it’s your turn to get your photos done. Then, we all have to go to the center the meet is at. @yoon sanha! I’m sorry, but we will have to leave very soon. I’m sure Kookie can text you during the meet privately, but I’ve made it a rule to not text in the group chat during fansigns.

yoon sanha!: ahhh, thasts okay huygn. i haave somehignt to od wiht dongmin hyungie os ill bw e preoccueiped ω＾＾

ta(e)ti: oh my god hyung u even made him mistype his emoji tf is worng wiht u

monnie: Oh, you know. I have these annoying friends who don’t appreciate the things I do and sacrifice for them, so I’m just a tad bit bitter.

YOONIE: what the fuck is there to appreciate about you

babymin: yeah literally u suck

princessarosa: and not in the good way

jungkook: i may respect u as an artist but not as ahuman being

ta(e)ti: wtf do u sacfrice 4 us ? ? ?

hung;)hoeseok: the oonly thing you scrfcie is our well-being when in your general vicinity

ta(e)ti: oh my gosh nice wrord use bby

hung;)hoeseok: thanks babe ;)

ta(e)ti: ;))

monnie: One day, I’m going to die, and then no one will be around to mentor Jungkook like I do, help Tae with his flow like I do, praise Jimin on his hard work like I do, teach Hoseok how to write from the heart like I do, keep Yoongi sane in the studio like I do, and fuck Seokjin like I do. You all need me. You’re just too bratty to admit it.

jungkook: u are a pretty good mentor yeh thanlk s hyuhng

ta(e)ti: yeah hobi and yoongi think its annoyign af when i rap thx for putting up with me

babymin: u helped me a lot by telling me im pretty hyung thansk <3 (u r pretty too)

hung;)hoeseok: yeah your lyrics ar pretty fire

YOONIE: you didn’t keep me sane i just tolerated you the most out of these fuckers

princessarosa: out of all the things you do for me, that’s the one you go with?

monnie: Don’t fuck with me, baby.

babymin: hehdsfdfshueuehehheu okay jinniehyung i just saw hyungei and he looks like actually mad i

babymin: like 62.7% positive i pissed a little like

yoon sanha!: uh

princessarosa: okAY YOU NEED TTO QUIT DOING THAT

yoon sanha!: doing what?

princessarosa: RANDOMLY MAKING YOUR PRESENCE KNOWN AFTER WE FORGET YOU ARE HERE

yoon sanha!: maybe stop forgetting i’m here, then.

YOONIE: jungkook just creamed his pants damn he has a thing for brats

jungkook: hYUNG HE IS A SMOL CHILD WHEN WILL U LEARN

YOONIE: he’s literally six feet tall jungkook

YOONIE: i think the word you’re looking for is “tol”

jungkook: first off who tf asked you

jungkook: second off stfu i dont care

babymin: yah watch who ure talkin about jeon jungkkok ill rip ur dick off and choke u with it

ta(e)ti: lpol would it even be big enuff ??

jungkook: yes

babymin: yes

YOONIE: ok i hate the fact that you know what his dick looks like

hung;)hoeseok: i hate the fact that i know u 2 have slerpt  togethrer

yoon sanha!: uh

princessarosa: gUYS THERE IS A C H I L D HERE

babymin: shit u rite sorry kookie

jungkook: FUCK YOU HYUNG

babymin: been there done that

jungkook: I

jungkook has left life

YOONIE: but is it possible to kill yourself twice in less than twenty four hours???

babymin: lol

monnie: Guys, I’m serious. We gotta go. Sorry, @ yoon sanha! , maybe we’ll talk later?

yoon sanha!: sueur hthsta cool bye guys!

YOONIE: whatever

hung;)hoeseok: byebye cutie

babymin: bye sanha! go get some jungcock!

ta(e)ti: see yaaaaaaa!

princessarosa: bitch

yoon sanha!: what?

princessarosa: nothing!

yoon sanha! has left life

princessarosa: whore

monnie: Hyung!

princessarosa: ah sorry my keyboard must be broken i meant cute little baby

babymin: u r so salty hyung

princessarosa: and you were a mistake, but you don’t see me complaining

babymin: i

babymin:

YOONIE: okay are you one your period or something

princessarosa: nEVER ASK A WOMAN IF SHE’S ON HER PERIOD THAT’S LITERALLY COMMON SENSE 101

ta(e)ti: hyung

ta(e)ti: u ar enot a woman

princessarosa: tEKA THAT BAKC U BITHC

jungkook: jin hyung…

princessarosa: LET A WOMAN DREAM OKAY

babymin: i

babymin has left life

ta(e)ti has left life

YOONIE has left life

monnie has left life

hung;)hoeseok has left life

princessarosa: when they ask how you are and you just have to say you’re fine and you’re not really fine but you can’t get into it because they would never understand

princessarosa: look no one is even here to appreciate my meme use chim would be so proud

princessarosa: i’ll just screenshot it and send it to him it’s cool i’m not crying

princessarosa has left life