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She sits quietly on the couch in the middle of a crowded room, sipping her wine as she watches everyone interacting with one another. Natasha lets out a little laugh as Lila and Cooper barrel past her, chasing one another around the living room as Clint and Laura were cuddling together on the love seat opposite from where she sat. Next to them, Wanda sat holding baby Nathaniel in her arms and gently cooing at him as the baby giggled, delighted with his companion. There were lights twinkling against the walls and an impressive tree sitting in the corner, decorated to the nines with multiple colors and sparkles to last into the coming new year.
It wasn’t the extravagant parties that she had gotten used to in the past few years. The parties that Tony had thrown. No, this Christmas was different. Clint’s farmhouse was a safe haven for those of them that hadn’t signed the Sokovia Accords. It was more homey, and intimate. Quieter. And it made the missing presence of a few key members of their mismatched little family much more noticeable.
“I know your secret.”
Natasha stiffened slightly as she heard Sam’s voice float across the living room. She tried to keep her face passive and free of emotion as she turned her head to watch him enter the room, but Sam still shot her a knowing glance. He settled next to her on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, and Natasha resumed her attention back on Lila and Cooper, pointedly ignoring Sam’s gaze as she watched them play. As much as she tried to stop it from happening, she could still feel her face heating up with embarrassment.
She stared ahead determinedly. “I have many secrets, Wilson. You know nothing.”
“Come on, are you really going to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about?”
She stayed silent, sipping her wine and wincing slightly as she felt the alcohol burn down her throat.
“Would it help to know that he feels the same way about you?”
Letting out a sigh, she turned to Sam. He was grinning at her as he munched away at his snack, looking proud of himself. “What do you know?”
Sam shrugged. “Apparently, I know nothing.”
“Sam.”
He laughed and despite the sudden pounding of her heart at his words, Natasha couldn’t help but laugh with him. It was his easy going manner and gentle smile that put her at ease and she settled more comfortably on the couch next to him. “You should tell him,” he said, after several moments of silence had passed by.
She didn’t bother to deny anything this time. “But he’s dating Sharon.”
“No,” he corrected. “He kissed Sharon. Once. And it was awkward as fuck. Believe me, I would know. I witnessed it.”
“I told him to date Sharon. She’s nice.”
“She is nice,” Sam agreed. “But Natasha, his heart wasn’t in it.”
She took a deep breath. “Why?” she whispered.
"I think you already know the answer to that, deep down," Sam grinned. “But maybe you should go and ask him anyway.”
Natasha found Steve standing out on Clint’s porch staring out into the darkness of the farmland, the colors of Christmas still shining bright. She stood for a moment in the doorway, observing the way he stood – all rigid and still. She could see the heavy burdens that were on his shoulders. She could see that the events of the past year still weighed heavily on him. Slowly, she moved forward until she was standing right next to him.
“You okay Rogers?”
Minutes passed before he even answered. He stood still and stoic and it made her more worried for him than she had been before. But eventually, he let out a sigh and shook his head. “You know, when I was seven I suffered from an asthma attack and couldn’t be let outside for almost a month. Bucky came over everyday after school and stayed until his mother had to call for him to come home.”
She reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder and couldn’t help but breathe in when he placed a hand on top of hers and gave it a squeeze.
“Just when I think I can get used to something, it always changes,” he said quietly.
“Change isn’t always bad, you know,” she replied.
Steve smiled as he turned towards her. Her hand slipped from his shoulder but he still held on, gripping her hand in his and refusing to let go. He stared into her eyes and Natasha could feel her heart thumping so loud that she wondered if Steve could hear it. There was a saying that eyes were windows to your soul and in that moment, Natasha knew exactly what that saying meant. She could see how much pain that Steve was in… losing Bucky again had done a number on him, but at least Steve could take comfort in the fact that it had been Bucky’s choice to be put to sleep this time around. “I know,” Steve agreed. “Change can be a very good thing.”
Things had changed so much for them this year. The Accords had torn the Avengers apart, but not everything was lost. Her feelings for Steve, which had been growing steadily since the events of DC, were stronger than ever. And she was finally ready to face them.
“I have a secret.” The words flew from her mouth before she could stop them. And then she blushed as he turned towards her, curiosity etched all over his face.
“Do I get to know this secret?” Steve chuckled. He interlaced their fingers and smiled at her as if he already knew what she was going to say. The way he was gazing at her spoke volumes.
“Maybe,” she teased.
“Well, maybe I have a secret too.”
She laughed, feeling completely at ease. Sam had been right after all. He does feel the same way. She could see it in the way he looked at her. Happiness filled her. “Friends shouldn’t keep secrets from one another.”
“Is that what we are?” His eyes were sparkling. Gone was the haunted and painful look in his eyes. “Just friends?”
“Oh, I think we’re more than that, aren’t we Rogers?”
He pulled her into his arms, and she felt warm all over. “I hope so.”
“Wanna know my secret?” she grinned up at him.
Steve shook his head. “Maybe later.”
And then he kissed her.
And it was everything she had hoped it would be.