Archive of Our Own ^beta

All things considered, the tournament went well today. They lost the individual events they entered—but everyone had fun, as far as Makoto can tell, and this early on he'd rather they focus on that. As long as everyone is having enough fun to keep swimming, they'll keep practicing and they'll only get better.

Haru is swimming a cooldown lap. He'll swim as many laps as Makoto will let him, of course. Usually Makoto would have had him out of the pool and in the locker room by now, but since Haru lost the 100m freestyle race, Makoto is giving him an extra few laps this time. Haru is on the last of those now, so Makoto heads over to stand at the end of his lane and hold out his hand, the only signal to get out that Haru will acknowledge.

Haru has just made his final turn and Makoto is a few steps away when he hears his name called. He stops and looks around as Rin comes up to him. "I need to talk to you," Rin says.

Makoto smiles. "What's up?"

"Not here, though."

Makoto glances over at Haru. A few more laps won't hurt, he supposes, so he says, "All right," and follows Rin to the near-deserted locker room.

Rin leads him away from the stragglers, over to the far side. He stands there looking at Makoto and Makoto is wondering if he should ask what's up again, when Rin finally says, "I meant what I told him after the race. I'm not kidding around."

The "him" in question is obviously Haru; even if Makoto hadn't seen them talking after the 100m he'd have known that. He doesn't even have a guess about the rest, though. "What did you tell him?"

A small furrow appears on Rin's brow. "He didn't say anything to you?" The crease smoothes out as he grins. "I guess he doesn't tell you everything, after all."

"No," Makoto says. Usually Haru doesn't have to; Makoto just knows. He doesn't add that, though. He waits patiently for Rin to go on.

Rin seems to be thinking. After a wordless moment, he comes to a decision, shifting his weight to lean against the wall, a studied casualness to the drape of his body. "I told him that if I win again, his ass is mine."

Even though he isn't really sure why this is something Rin needs to drag him away and tell him in private, Makoto starts to smile politely.

"I mean that literally," Rin says, holding Makoto's gaze steadily. "If he loses to me again, I'm going to fuck him."

The smile comes to a halt on Makoto's face. "What?"

"He agreed to it," Rin says, shrugging like it's no big deal. "So I just wanted to make sure you and I are clear on this: if he lets me win one more fucking time, I'm shoving my cock so far up his ass, he won't walk right for a week. But don't worry." Rin grins but there's no reassurance in the curve of his mouth. "I'll make it good for him. So good he'll come begging for more."

The smile slips off Makoto's face. He doesn't know what to say.

"I'm telling you this so you won't try to do anything stupid or chivalrous if he loses next time," Rin says.

Makoto feels light-headed. He wants to sit down. He wants to go pull Haru out of the pool and take him somewhere and ask him about this, or just take him somewhere and not ask about this, not talk about it at all. Maybe Rin is just messing with his head, although Makoto doesn't know why he would want to do that. Maybe he's counting on Makoto to talk to Haru about this, to mess with both of them, but that still doesn't make sense. Makoto doesn't want to talk to Haru about this and he doesn't want to talk to Rin about it anymore either. He just wants the conversation to be over with.

He starts to turn away, but Rin catches him with more words: "If you want it to be good for him, maybe you'll give me a few tips on what he likes."

Makoto looks at Rin, standing there draped all self-aware casual against the wall like that. In comparison Makoto feels awkward, out of place. "I don't know what he likes," he hears himself say.

Rin's brow arches. "No? So you two aren't—?" Instead of finishing the sentence, he grins. "Looks like I'll be taking his virginity, then." He smiles wider, his smile all teeth.

"Don't," Makoto whispers before he can bite down on the word.

Rin leans in, the smile gone. Even though Makoto is the taller one and even though the wall is not as his back, he somehow feels cornered. "Then don't fucking let him lose." Rin pushes off the wall and slides by, leaving Makoto in his wake.

Feeling shaky, Makoto sits down.

The sound of footsteps brings him out of himself, catching him with a hope that Rin is returning to tell him it was all a joke, his hope tinged with dread that that isn't what Rin will say.

And then the dread deepens when Makoto sees Haru.

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough to know Rin plans to take my virginity," Haru says.

"Haru…" Makoto doesn't know what else to say. He gets up and goes over to him.

"I'm racing him one-on-one in three days. A private race," Haru says, pulling the towel from his shoulders. He starts to rub himself down and Makoto realizes he didn't do it out by the pool, that Haru must have been in a hurry to come in here—and that he might have seen Rin take Makoto away. If that was enough to rush Haru out of the pool, then it has to be true, what Rin said. Haru must have agreed to the strange terms Rin set.

"But you plan to win, right?" Makoto says. Haru shrugs and Makoto's heart sinks. He doesn't want Haru to lose; he doesn't want him to go at all. But once Haru makes up his mind, there's nothing that can be done. "Then, can I come watch the race? Even though it's private." Makoto tries to smile, not sure if he's succeeding entirely.

Haru straightens and looks at him, and as he opens his mouth Makoto thinks he's going to say no—but what Haru says is, "I think he wants you there. Why else would he have told you? Why would he have said all that to you?"

Makoto doesn't know why Rin said any of the things he did, either to Haru or to himself. When he tells Haru that, Haru says, "I think maybe it's your ass he wants."

"What?" That single word feels like an inadequate response but Makoto can't think what the proper response would be, so he leaves it at that as he puts his hand out against the locker next to him for support and maybe for confirmation that he's in the real, tangible, waking world instead of some confusing dreamscape.

"He was baiting you," Haru says, peeling down his jammer. Makoto turns around to give him privacy. "Looking for your weak spots. He knows I'm your biggest one; he's known it since we were all kids together. Isn't it possible that he's counting on you to step in and offer yourself in my place if I lose?"

Makoto doesn't say anything. He feels like he has to sit down again so he does, head in his hands, gaze on his feet.

Haru's bare feet come into view. He sits next to Makoto without touching him. "That is what you're planning to do, isn't it?"

Makoto doesn't answer; he doesn't have to, since Haru already knows.

Three nights later, Makoto rings Haru's doorbell. He's not expecting an answer and part of him even hopes that when he lets himself in, he'll find Haru in the bathtub—but just as he's thinking that, the door opens. Makoto smiles and Haru doesn't, which is how it usually goes, but it feels off this time to Makoto, like he's smiling only because it's what's expected, and the reason Haru isn't, is because he knows how disingenuous Makoto's smile is.

So Makoto lets the smile drop. "Are you ready?"

Haru nods, shutting the door behind him as he comes out. He hasn't mentioned where the race is and Makoto hasn't asked; he doesn't ask now, following by walking beside Haru.

Sometimes as they walk together Makoto will start a conversation and other times they share a comfortable silence. The silence doesn't feel comfortable this time, at least not to Makoto, but he doesn't know what to say to break it. So they walk wordlessly, Makoto stealing a glance at Haru now and then: he looks relaxed and focused, just like always when swimming is involved, and Makoto thinks the silence is fine after all, better not to say anything even if he had words.

The quiet holds until they get to the station. As soon as Makoto realizes where they're going, he can't stop himself from saying, "Are you sure about this, Haru?" When Haru only nods, Makoto says, "Samezuka is his home pool, though. He'll have an advantage, won't he?"

"It doesn't matter to me what pool we swim in," Haru says, and Makoto knows it's true. "Besides, I won the first time I raced him there. Or have you forgotten?"

Makoto hasn't so much forgotten as he wasn't really thinking about it, but the point is the same either way and he's sure Haru isn't expecting a response anyhow, so he doesn't say anything.

They sneak in the same way they did that first time, when Haru beat Rin. This time Rin is waiting poolside. Something flashes across his face when he sees Makoto but it smooths out and he's focused on Haru before Makoto can figure out what the look meant.

"Makoto is here," Haru says, which makes Makoto think the look must have been simple surprise, that Haru hadn't told Rin he was coming along.

"I can see that," Rin says. He shrugs it off. "It's fine. He can give the start signal."

Even though neither of them is turned his way, Makoto nods. He stands there as they strip down to their swimsuits and get in the pool for warmup laps. Even for this they must be aware of the other in the water, as they always have been, but they both take it easy as they swim the length of the pool and back. Makoto continues standing as he watches them, even though he knows he could sit down for this part.

After a few laps it occurs to him that they might be waiting for him to tell them when it's time to start—but just as he's thinking that, they slow as they come to the end of their lanes. Rin hoists himself out of the pool and Makoto starts over to give Haru a hand out, but Haru does it himself.

He and Rin go to stand by their starting blocks, taking lanes next to each other in the middle of the pool.

Makoto moves into position himself, close to the edge on the side. "Take your positions," he says.

They mount the starting blocks. Rin snaps his goggles.

"Get set."

They each plant one foot back, curling the toes of their leading foot over the edge of the block, heads bent, fingers gripping the block for leverage.

Makoto imagines them both taking a deep breath. He takes one too.

"Go!"

The word has barely crossed his lips when they leap, streamlined bodies arcing through the air, arms stretching out, their hands parting the water for them as they enter it.

Rin is quicker off the block by a hair's breadth and is in front after the breakout. He's always had a faster start, even when they were kids, so this is nothing to worry about. Eyes fixed on them as they fly across the pool's surface, Makoto exhales, consciously extending and flexing his fingers before letting them curl back into fists.

At the turn, the race continues to unfold as expected, with Rin still ahead by less than a body length when they surface. Haru typically makes his move around the 70m mark and as they approach it, Makoto tries to get his hands to relax again, but only feels his nails digging bluntly into his palms, his heart beating against each breath he draws in.

He sees it the moment it starts: Haru pulling himself closer with each stroke, inching up alongside Rin. Makoto is sure Rin can feel it; he wonders exactly what it feels like.

In the final meters, nothing separates them.

It will come down to the touch.

Makoto holds his breath. He doesn't blink as they finish their final strokes. He's sure Haru has it and all his tension coils more tightly, anticipating release, Haru's name rising up from his belly.

They stretch in their power-glides, reaching for the wall—

Everything unleashes inside Makoto, jamming at the base of his throat; a single word worms through, slips out in a whisper: "Rin."

Rin is up and out of the water immediately, pushing his goggles up onto his head as he starts towards Makoto. Haru pulls his goggles down, letting them hang from their strap around his neck as he shakes out his hair. He looks up at Rin. "Congra—"

"Shut it." Rin drops the finger he's just pointed at Haru and turns on Makoto. "Well?"

Makoto does his best to smile, even though it feels even more off now than it had earlier at Haru's. "Congratulations, Rin."

Rin gives him a hard look, locking their gazes. "Fuck that. Did he extend into the wall?" When Makoto doesn't answer immediately, Rin moves a step closer. "Did he fully extend his arm as he came to the wall?"

Makoto blinks but the gaze doesn't break. He swallows but there's no way to get anything past the thickness in his throat.

He shakes his head. Something snaps, letting him slide out of Rin's gaze, his own slipping down and off.

Whipped off his head, Rin's goggles skitter across the floor, into Makoto's line of sight. Makoto bends to pick them up, holding them in both hands as he looks up.

They're looking at each other: Haru still in the pool, Rin standing on the edge above him. "You know what this means," Rin says. Haru doesn't say anything but he keeps looking back. Rin holds the gaze another moment, then nods and turns to go. "You'll be hearing from me," he says over his shoulder.

"No." Haru looks so calm, standing in the water at the end of his lane.

Rin turns back, brow arched. "No?

"No," Haru repeats, making no move to get out. "It has to be tonight." He turns to Makoto then, holding out his hand, waiting for Makoto's.

Makoto looks from Haru to Rin: Rin is looking back at Makoto like he's waiting for him to say something...but Makoto doesn't know what to say. His hands instinctively try to curl in and he realizes he still has Rin's goggles. He holds them out towards Rin.

Rin looks at the goggles, then away. He pushes out a short breath. "Keep them."

Makoto doesn't know what he's supposed to do with the goggles now. Haru is still holding out his hand in the pool, so Makoto goes over to him.

Just as their hands touch, Rin says, "Fine. But I have to figure out what to tell Nitori because I wasn't planning on using the room tonight."

"Your room won't work," Haru says as his knee finds the edge of the pool. "A bunk bed isn't big enough for three."

He gets his foot up and gains his own balance but Makoto only tightens his hold; then he lets go. He takes an extra breath to fill the space left by his skipped heartbeat and glances over at Rin, who is still looking at Haru, jaw tight around whatever words are in his mouth. When their eyes don't meet, Makoto realizes he thought they were going to. Something, maybe his missing heartbeat, drops to the bottom of his stomach.

Seemingly oblivious to clenched jaws and skipped heartbeats, Haru goes on, "We can use the bed in the guest room at my house," which is what he calls his parents' old bedroom.

Makoto feels he should say something; anything; he has nothing. He glances over at Rin and still can't read him.

Then Rin says, "Fine," although there's a tightness that makes Makoto think it's not really fine at all.

Haru accepts it without comment though, and Rin doesn't say any more as they towel off. Haru puts his clothes on over his jammer but Makoto turns around to give Rin privacy as he strips out of his wet legskin.

As they're leaving, Makoto glances sidelong at Rin. He's still hard to read but Makoto thinks there's a little worry mixed in with whatever else is there, and he wonders if it might have to do with Rin not having planned to be out this late. "Maybe you could text your roommate—Nitori, right?—and see if he can cover for you at curfew check."

"You don't have to tell me that," Rin says. But a moment later he takes out his phone and sends a message. He doesn't look at Makoto, so it's not hard for Makoto to hide the smile he can't help.

On the train, Haru sits in the middle of a bench. Although there's space on either side of him, Makoto doesn't sit, grabbing the bar overhead instead. A soft "tch" escapes Rin but he stands as well.

Makoto wants to tell him he doesn't have to stand, but he knows Rin knows that. He feels like there's a competition going on and he doesn't understand the rules; maybe there's always been a competition and he's never understood the rules—although that's not quite right, because he doesn't think it was like this when they were kids...

He looks out the window, sighing as he lets his gaze drift over the fast-moving, darkened landscape.

When they get to his place, Haru says Rin can shower first and shows him to the bathroom. Makoto isn't sure what to do with himself. He goes into the kitchen and starts to make tea, but he doesn't really think any of them want tea right now. He checks the soil of the jade plant on the windowsill and waters it from the unboiled pot before heading to wait in the living room.

He doesn't make it there, though, because he runs into Haru, arms full of linens. "I need to make up the bed."

"I'll help." He follows Haru to the guest bedroom, the one he's always secretly—so secret he even tries to keep it from himself most of the time—come to think of as his, since he's pretty sure he uses it more than anyone else these days.

The bed is partially stripped already, as if Haru had started on it but wandered off halfway through, lured by the siren-call of the bathtub.

Or, Makoto realizes, his smile fading, the Samezuka pool. Maybe Haru was in the middle of this when Makoto had rung the doorbell earlier tonight.

He's sure he hasn't spoken aloud, but as Haru floats the sheet across the bed he says, "I didn't do this earlier because I wasn't sure."

Makoto catches the edge of the sheet, slides it into place, bends to tuck it in. "That you were going to lose?" he says, thinking that's not it as soon as the words leave his mouth.

Haru is quiet as he smooths the sheet on his side. Makoto picks up a pillow, tucks it under his chin as he starts to wrangle it into a pillowcase.

"I wasn't sure both of you would agree. If it's not both of you—"

"Hey."

Makoto turns to see Rin in the doorway, one hand braced up on the frame, open shirt draped from his shoulders. His eyes narrow as, already turning away, he says, "Bathroom's all yours."

"I can finish in here," Makoto says, setting the pillow in place and picking up another one. Haru looks at him a moment before nodding and heading towards the bathroom.

As Makoto slips the second pillow into its pillowcase, he thinks about Haru's last words. He could have meant, "If it's not both of you, we wouldn't have needed a bed this big, so Rin's would have been fine." But Makoto thinks maybe there was more to it—

His thoughts cut off when he hears the front door open and close. He can hear the shower going so it can't be Haru—he tosses the pillow, misses the bed, leaves it on the floor as he hurries towards the door, shoving his feet into his shoes as he reaches for the door and hoping he won't have to run down the stone steps after Rin with untied laces.

But when he gets outside, Rin is right there. On his feet but unmoving, leaning against the side of the house, looking up. He doesn't look down, doesn't speak, doesn't acknowledge Makoto.

But he doesn't walk away and he doesn't tell Makoto to go. So Makoto sits down. He's not really at an angle to see the ocean from here but he knows it's there and he looks towards it, catching a glimmer now and then, waves reaching up to tangle with the moonlight drifting down.

"This wasn't how I wanted it."

Makoto looks at him but Rin doesn't go on. He doesn't really have to: Makoto has a pretty good idea that Rin wants to be alone with Haru, despite Haru's guess a few days ago. And it's clear from his race finish that Haru is fine with this—Rin won't be taking anything Haru isn't giving, so there's nothing for Makoto to protect him from. Swallowing a breath, Makoto gets a smile on his face as he looks up at Rin. "I'll be going now. Please tell Haru I'll call him tomorrow."

Rin switches his gaze from the night sky sharply and there's that same flash Makoto saw at the pool, but again it's too fleeting for him to read because Rin looks back up at the stars as quickly as he looked down.

"I don't think he wants you to go," Haru says from the doorway.

Makoto turns to look at him, then follows Haru's gaze as it shifts to Rin. "Rin?" When there's no response, he gets up and goes over to stand by him. Rin stays fixed on the stars. Makoto curls his hand into a loose fist before it can reach out. "Is that—do you want me to stay?"

Rin shrugs.

"He'll go if you don't say something," Haru says, looking at Rin.

Rin looks at Haru first, then at Makoto. Inarticulate emotion leads a flush as it spills across his face.

When Rin drops his gaze, Makoto knows that he's not going to be able to say anything. Without giving himself time to think he reaches for Rin, moves closer as he clasps his nape, closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against Rin's. He thinks it might be easier for Rin if he doesn't have to look at them just now, and this feels better than turning away. He wants to tell Rin it's all right but he can't seem to get the words to come, so he just stays like this and Rin does too, breathing in the night air.

"Makoto, Rin." Haru is still in the doorway when they turn to him. "Come in when you're ready."

He doesn't wait for them but goes inside. Makoto looks back at Rin. "Are you ready?"

Rin doesn't say anything at first. Then he says something under his breath that Makoto doesn't think he's meant to hear but catches anyhow: "Do they even know what they're asking?"

Makoto can't help smiling at that, though he tamps it down immediately so Rin won't think he's being laughed at. "Come on." He takes a step back, still facing Rin; his instinct is to hold out his hand but he doesn't, thinking maybe that gesture is for Haru and shouldn't be borrowed, even for this.

It turns out Rin doesn't need it. "Let's go, then," he says as he passes Makoto, who takes one last oceanward glance before following.

Haru isn't in the living room. "He's not in the kitchen either," Makoto reports when he returns from it. He can see it on Rin's face and he's thinking it too. Neither of them says anything until they've started down the hall, when Rin says, "I guess he really meant ready when he said he said 'ready'."

Makoto laughs; Rin doesn't. He's not even smiling when he looks sidelong at Makoto. "You used to laugh and smile a lot more," Makoto says, head tilting, his smile fading from amusement to something softer. Rin shrugs and Makoto thinks that's a fair enough response. He wants to ask what happened but maybe it's not answerable, at least not right now.

They come to the guest room. Through the open doorway, Haru is sitting in the middle of the bed, waiting.

Waiting for them.

They start forward at the same moment; Makoto has a flash of the two of them getting wedged in the doorway as they try to push through simultaneously, and has to swallow his laughter. It's not a race so he drops back, lets Rin go in first, follows just behind. They sit on the edge of the bed, on either side of Haru, the way they didn't on the train.

Makoto isn't sure how to start now. He's not sure any of them knows. "So then," he says, when no one else speaks, "...how should we start?" Haru returns his gaze wordlessly, Rin meets it and glances off. Makoto thinks not saying it directly is giving the thing they're about to do a hold over them that it shouldn't have; Haru and Rin might be caught up in thinking about it too much. So he takes responsibility for breaking the hypnotic hold so they can move forward: "Well, I mean—Rin, I guess you should—you should fuck Haru, right? Since that was the agreement."

Rin makes a sound, something more than breath carried from his throat with his exhale. "Yeah, that was the agreement, but...I don't know if I can go through with it." He tries to look from one to the other of them, his gaze not quite meeting either. "I didn't think Haru really would, even up until this moment."

"I wouldn't have agreed to it if I hadn't meant to do it," Haru says. "I think about it a lot. I think about you, both of you, and the three of us together." There is no trace of blush in his face, no tremor of shame in his voice. "That's why I felt you out about being here like this now."

Rin's exhale is something like a laugh this time. "Is that what you were doing?"

Haru looks to Makoto, who takes a moment to feel the gaze, to know the things he's been trying to keep himself from understanding inside. Breathing more easily than he has in days, Makoto says, "Yes." He smiles.

Rin studies his smile, then looks off before turning to Haru. "You really want me to fuck you?"

Haru nods. "And Makoto too. For a while now I've been thinking about you when I get myself off." Makoto feels the revelation hotly at the tips of his ears, sees it color Rin's face. "Some nights I would have a problem deciding which of you to think about, so I started thinking about both of you at the same time. Together with each other. Together with me."

Makoto gets lost in his gaze; he stays in it even when Haru turns it to Rin.

Then Rin says, "It's not like you're the only one," and Makoto shifts his own gaze. Indignation shades Rin's voice as he goes on, "It's not like I don't think about both of you too. Of course I do." He scratches the back of his neck. "Just, I guess it wasn't so much fantasizing about you as thinking you must be together by now. And." He breathes in, out. "And wanting it to be true."

Makoto meets his gaze steadily when it shifts from Haru to him as Rin says, "It's not like I don't have fantasies—they just aren't the ecchi things Haru thinks about." He grins with one side of his mouth, then lets it slip as his gaze slides off. "But, seeing you making the bed together before—when I saw that, I realized it was something I wanted to see again. I even." He breaks off, swallows. His voice is softer as he says, "I even thought about what it would be like to make a bed with you..."

He trails off. Before Makoto can say anything, Rin says, calm and even, "So yeah: I think about you too."

Makoto buries his face in his hands. "I'm the worst." They think so highly of him but it turns out that, actually, he's the worst of them. "It's not that I've never thought about you being together, not that I don't think you'd look good, right together, like you belong—"

He cuts himself off; then makes himself say it: "It's that I do. It's always been like that with you. And I don't know where I'd fit, so I tried to resist it..." He's still looking down, temples resting against his palms. Neither of them says anything, though he can feel both their gazes.

He can't hide; not from himself, not from them. So he lifts his head to meet those gazes. "I mean, the way you've always been in the water—it's not like that for me, not like it is for both of you. And I didn't want to be left out of this too."

Rin gets a look on his face that Makoto has to look away from. He has the perfect excuse because Haru says, "Maybe you're our new ocean." It's a weird thing to say, but Haru has never been one for normal, and Makoto is prepared to smile and accept it.

To his surprise, Rin accepts it too: "Yeah, I could swim in that." He flushes with embarrassment when they both look at him but he doesn't look away. "Not just Makoto, but this. All of us. Like a new and strange ocean we explore together." And now he does look away.

Not knowing what to think, Makoto turns to look at Haru: and he's smiling. Haru is smiling.

"Yeah," Makoto says, meeting Haru's eyes when they flick to him, meeting his smile, then turning his own smiling gaze to Rin. He knows Rin can feel the gaze and waits for him to look up. "Yeah," Makoto says again, coaxing a fully sincere half grin from Rin with his smile.

It comes to him that maybe this is his fantasy: sharing smiles with them. He doesn't say it but it makes him smile more.

Then Haru says, "It's okay if you're not ready tonight. I've waited this long already; I don't mind waiting longer," and Makoto wonders just how long he's been waiting, if it was even before Rin came back from Australia.

He doesn't have a chance to ask, though, because now Haru says, "But what about kissing, though?"

"You want to kiss, Haru?" Makoto says, even though it's perfectly clear that's what Haru is saying.

Haru nods. "I want you both to be my first kiss."

"That's not possible," Rin says. "But...if I'm really going to be the first one you do it with, then it's only fair for Makoto to be your first kiss."

"It's possible," Haru says. "I just have to kiss you both at the same time."

For the next moment, no one says anything. Makoto wonders if the others are trying to picture it like he is and thinks they must be; he wonders what it looks like to them, and what they feel from what they're imagining.

He doesn't want to be the one to say it, because it might sound like he's trying to take advantage of Rin offering that he go first. But neither of them are saying anything and someone has to do it, so he takes a breath for words. "Won't that be awkward, though?"

"Yes," Haru says, "probably. But a lot of things will be awkward and the sooner we work on figuring them out, the sooner we'll know how to do them properly."

He says it like it's easy; obvious and easy. Maybe it is. Maybe Makoto is just making things unnecessarily harder in his head.

Anyhow, he didn't think swimming was going to be easy. But when he was a little kid and saw people floating on the water, moving through it as if they were sea creatures themselves, he thought it looked so cool and fun, so he'd asked Haru to join the swim club with him. And maybe it wasn't easy at first, at least not for him—but it is cool and it is fun, and he can't imagine his life without it.

So he looks at Rin, nods when their eyes meet, holds the gaze until Rin nods too. The mattress dips, taking his full weight and Rin's too as their feet leave the floor and they move to the middle, where Haru is. Hands on his knees, Makoto moistens his lips. He feels like they're waiting for a start signal. It's not his to give this time and he only hopes he'll recognize it when it comes.

And then Haru parts his lips, a flash of his tongue tip as he moistens them.

Heart pounding as hard as it ever has at a race start, Makoto leans forward at the same time Rin does.

He doesn't know which one of them reaches Haru first and it doesn't really matter, because they're both there now. He feels his way in from the corner of Haru's mouth, brushes up against Rin doing the same, opens as he feels Haru's tongue licking at the seam of his mouth; opens wider when Rin's joins it. The skipped heartbeat from earlier is on the tip of his tongue and he offers it to them, sublimated, as they kiss in his mouth.

For a moment he thinks that it should have been Haru's mouth they kissed in, he should have thought of that and helped it happen like that; and then the moment for thinking is gone and there is only the kiss, and them in it.

As the kiss moves from mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue, dividing and doubling and melting back into itself, he feels fingers—Haru's—tangle in his hair. His own fingers flutter against his knee, his hand opening up, wanting to touch and hold on but not knowing where to reach—

And then another hand, not his own but equally full of the need to hold onto something, latches onto him, and Makoto goes light headed from the rush of breath he sucks in from them. He wanted the kiss to go on forever but he breaks it now and looks down at Rin's hand in his lap, Rin's fingertips on his cock.

Rin's hand snaps back to his side. A furious blush overtakes his downturned face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"It's okay," Makoto says. He tilts his head, trying to catch Rin's eye, to let him know it really is okay; his own hand was seconds away from an accidental touch of its own and he doesn't know where it might have landed.

But Rin won't let his gaze be caught. "Only..." He takes a deep breath. "Only, can I see it?" The blush doesn't let up as he meets Makoto's eyes. "I have an idea, from seeing you in your swimsuit, but." He can't hold the gaze, sliding away as the blush deepens. "I want to see just how big it is..."

"Oh," Makoto says, at the same time Haru says, "I want to see too."

Heat rising to his face, Makoto looks at him: a faint blush dusts Haru's cheeks, which somehow makes Makoto feel better. "Oh," he says again. He looks down at his lap.

Then he kneels up. He watches his fingers fumble with his fly, finally getting the button through the button hole and dragging down the zip. As he reaches in, he wants to glance up—but he's not sure whether he would feel better or worse if he made eye contact with either of them, so he keeps his gaze down as he takes himself out and sits back on his heels.

As he holds it, he looks at his cock, trying to see it the way they are: for the first time. He's not sure this is what they want, though: he's harder than he realized but he's not fully hard.

He's about to say so when Rin murmurs, "Fuck~." Makoto looks at him, thinking that one of them will look away as soon as their eyes meet, but neither of them does. "Mako, that's—"

Rin hasn't called him that since he came back from Australia, not since they were kids, and Makoto feels himself smiling. He looks down at it again. "It's not that big..."

Looking at it again too, Rin snorts softly. "That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who has to," he searches for the word he wants, finds it: "accommodate it. I'll be honest." He cocks his brow as he looks up. "I don't know if I can take that."

"I'd like to see you try," Haru says quietly. They turn to him and he looks back, his expression sincere, a brightness to his gaze that makes all of them flush. "I want to try too. I want to take both of you, at the same time." The brightness takes on a hazy cast, his voice dropping as he says, "I want to lie in Makoto's arms, feeling his chest against my back, with Rin above me, keeping Makoto's cock inside me." He refocuses on them: "Both of you fucking me together."

"That's~" Makoto starts, but he doesn't have the rest of the sentence.

"I don't think you'll need me to keep his cock in you," Rin says, eyeing it again. His eyes narrow slightly, a determined set to his jaw. "Anyhow, it's not like I'm never going to be able to take it myself. I just think I have to warm up to it, you know? In the meantime, I bet I could get my mouth around it, at least."

"I want to see that too," Haru says.

Makoto almost wants to laugh but it's hard enough just to breathe at the moment. He gathers enough breath to say, "Please, stop," his voice low, hoping to disguise the tremors of uncomfortable arousal.

"Do you want us to stop?" Haru says. "Or do you want more?"

It's a genuine question—Makoto can see it in Haru's expression. A genuine question; a genuine offer.

"It's all right to want what you want," Haru says softly. "It's all right not to want anything."

The words warm Makoto. It's just that, right now, he doesn't think he knows what he wants, he can't think at all...

He looks down at his cock, naked and aching and vulnerable in his hand. He swallows, takes a few breaths, swallows again. "Do you want to touch it?"

He looks up when Haru says, "Are you sure?" Makoto opens his mouth soundlessly, nods.

The first touch makes his mouth open more, a soft moan tangling with his exhale, making the blood that isn't in his cock rush to his face as his eyes flutter closed. He moistens his lips, tucks the lower one safely between his teeth as Haru's fingertips explore his length. Even with his eyes closed, he'd know the next touch he feels is Rin's even if Rin didn't say, "Is this okay?" His breath pushes heavy in him and he parts his lips for it, hears a whimper ride it out.

It's embarrassing but Rin says, "Oh, fuck," so softly it makes Makoto's toes curl, and Haru wraps his hand around Makoto's cock then, and Makoto forgets to be embarrassed when he whimpers again.

Then Rin says, "Hey, I'm gonna come in my pants if I don't take it out, so if you don't mind...?"

Opening his eyes, Makoto says, "Please~"

"I wouldn't mind seeing you come in your pants," Haru says.

"Of course you wouldn't," Rin says, mouth slanting into a grin as he undoes his fly. "Is there anything you don't want to see?"

"I want to see everything you want to show me," Haru says seriously.

"Haru~"

"Oh fuck, you two," Rin mutters under his breath, but his grin only slants up more. He sighs with relief as he frees his cock, pushing his shirttails out of the way as he tugs his waistband down to mid-thigh before settling back.

Trailing after Rin's hand as he gives himself a slow stroke from base to tip, Makoto's gaze trips along the pattern of veins—then slides back along the slight curve to his intriguingly smooth sac. He looks down at himself, fingertips burrowing into his hair, then back at Rin and his absolute smoothness.

His meditation is interrupted by a small tube that flies in to land on the bed between them. Makoto looks up as Haru readjusts the pillow he must have lifted to get it, then down at the tube itself. "Oh," he says when he reads the label of the water-based lube, feeling heat rise to his face, wondering what it means that this makes him blush when gazing at Rin's cock didn't.

He looks up to say something—and immediately forgets all words when he finds himself gazing at Haru's cock now, distracted from the perfect, sleek shape of it by the tantalizing glisten of precome beaded at the blood-darkened tip.

Makoto swallows, moistens his lips, looks up into Haru's gaze. Rather than embarrassment at having been caught looking, Makoto feels as steady and calm in Haru's gaze as the gaze is itself. He lets it hold him a moment, feeling that Haru is right: they don't have to do everything tonight. With how excited they already are, it will be enough, maybe more than enough, just to look and touch.

He takes the lube when Rin hands it to him, squeezes out a couple of generous dollops, and passes it to Haru as he touches himself with slick fingers. The quiet as they begin stroking off is punctuated by heavy breathing, by soft heavy sighs and moans. His gaze shifts between them, watching their hands on their cocks, taking in the rhythm and speed each of them prefers, learning the tricks they have to push themselves closer to the edge—the way Haru flicks his thumb across his head at the top of his stroke, how Rin closes in a fist over his and sometimes comes off completely—and feeling the ache thrill through him at the knowledge that they're doing the same with him.

He closes his eyes, holding his breath to see if he can distinguish them yet by theirs: the inarticulate, guttural push of Haru's; the elongated ohh~ floating in Rin's.

The touch of another hand makes his breath come out in a rush, choking off as it tangles with the inhale he can't help drawing in at the same time; as he tries to open his eyes, the pleasure of the touch weighs his lashes down—and through the flutter, he sees his come splash out over Haru's fingers.

As his gaze slides away, it catches on Rin's come as he spills out into Haru's other hand.

With a deep, thick sigh, Haru comes without touching himself, comes looking at them.

He flops onto his back, his arm going over the side of the bed for the shirt he discarded there when he stripped off. He uses it to clean himself up, then tosses it to Rin. Still lying on his back, he says, "Sleep now," which Makoto takes for an invitation as much as an intention. He nods and cleans up with Haru's shirt when Rin hands it to him—no point in hesitating, since it's got all of their come on it by now anyhow—but then he does hesitate between pulling his trousers up or kicking them off the rest of the way. Rin gets up to turn out the light, shrugging out of his shirt and sliding his trousers down enough for gravity to take over so he can step out of them. In the end, Makoto loses his own trousers but decides to keep his underwear on at least.

Rin drops down onto the near side of the bed and Makoto sprawls himself into the space left between them. "No, it won't work like this," Haru murmurs a moment later and climbs over Makoto, nudging him towards the side of the bed. Makoto shifts over and all of them resettle, Haru in the middle now. It feels good like this, Makoto thinks: Haru not coming between them but bringing them together.

As content as he feels, though, Makoto can't sleep yet.

Haru drifts off, the easy rhythm of his breathing a lullaby, and Makoto feels it echo in his own heartbeat...but he still can't sleep.

He knows from Rin's breathing that he's still awake too. "Rin," he whispers. He doesn't think they'll wake Haru up but he doesn't want to whisper over him. "Come over here?"

"Why don't you come over here?" Rin whispers back. Then, before Makoto can move, Rin tches and gets up. He bends to ease Haru into the space he's left and Makoto helps; they pause when Haru's breath hitches, but it evens out again and they get him settled on the side.

Makoto shifts to the middle, rolling to face Rin as he comes around and lies down. Makoto thinks he's smiling but he can't be sure, so he touches Rin's face. Even when the smile smooths beneath him and when Rin reaches up to touch his wrist, he keeps his hand there. "How long have you felt like this?"

Rin shrugs. "Since we were kids. Since." He hesitates and Makoto doesn't know what to do to encourage him to go on. He rubs his thumb lightly against Rin's cheek and Rin sighs. "Since we saved Haru from drowning. When you didn't think about yourself before or after, when you were so scared you couldn't stop shaking, but that didn't mean anything to you: only Haru did."

Makoto feels a little shaky now. He takes a breath to steady himself, lets his hand slip from Rin's face to cup the back of his neck.

Rin takes a breath too. "I couldn't understand it," he says softly. "I couldn't understand you. And I couldn't stop thinking about it, wondering what it would be like to have someone care that much..." His mouth slants into something like a grin but not quite. "I guess I've wanted that for myself, ever since then."

His mouth unslants as he looks at Makoto now. "I always knew you were into Haru, even when we were kids, even before that day. And it was fine because I was into him too. But I always wished you were into me, at least a little, even if it wasn't as much as I was into you." He shakes his head, gaze sliding off.

"Rin." Makoto squeezes his nape gently. "How could you think I wasn't into you?"

Rin looks at him, searches his face like he's expecting to find mockery. Makoto lets him look, open as he looks back.

The breath Rin takes is audibly shaky. "It's only, I could never tell if you were just being nice to me because you're nice to everyone, or if there was maybe something special you felt for me, like you did for Haru. Not the same thing you felt for Haru, but something that was just for me the way you have something just for him."

Makoto doesn't know what to say. He inches closer to Rin.

"You're hard to read, Makoto. Someone who doesn't know you well might think you're an open book, full of smiles for everyone and everything. But those smiles—" Rin stops himself. He takes another breath then goes on, softly, "You smiled that day I asked you about the shaking. You said you didn't remember it. You said you were fine. So I took you at your word and I walked away—but afterward, I wondered if I was wrong to believe that smile. I wondered if you were really okay, and if you had anyone to talk to if you weren't. I wanted to be that for you but I didn't know how, so I didn't ask you about it again."

Makoto remembers that conversation. He remembers telling Rin he was fine and watching Rin leave; he remembers getting on the bus and starting to cry, starting to shake, being unable to stop...

He looks at Rin now, takes in the way Rin is looking at him, and Makoto feels himself open up and steady out. He wants to smile but he doesn't because Rin doesn't know how to read him yet and he might misunderstand.

He doesn't smile but he keeps looking and so does Rin.

They look at each other and look at each other...

Makoto kisses him.

It's not like it was with Haru; there's no urgency, there's barely any tongue, just a dovetailing of lips and an exchange of breath.

As the kiss goes on, they breathe more deeply in the kiss, into and from each other. Makoto feels Rin opening up in the kiss, opens himself more. Rin's tongue slips into his mouth with the next breath; and a few breaths later Makoto is in Rin's mouth, licking his tongue, licking his teeth, licking his breath.

He feels himself getting hard and knows Rin has felt it too. Conscious of Rin's reaction to his cock, Makoto breaks the kiss to whisper an apology. He shifts back—right into Haru, who murmurs his name, a soft protest.

"Sorry," Makoto whispers, though he's not sure why he's whispering since none of them are asleep anymore. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"You didn't wake me up." Haru stretches languidly. "Are you going to fuck now? Watching you is one of my best fantasies, you know, so if you're going to do it now I'll wake all the way up."

"We're not going to fuck now," Rin says, a quiet emphasis on the last word that makes a hot thrill shiver up Makoto's spine. "So go back to sleep."

With a somnolent sigh, Haru spoons up behind Makoto, his hand brushing against Rin's when he rests it on Makoto's hip. Makoto feels their fingers intertwine and shifts slightly, wanting to reach for them, to join his hand with theirs—but the position is too awkward, so he stops.

Behind him Haru shifts too and Makoto feels fingers in his hair, petting him. "But see, this is why I said it wouldn't work for Makoto to be in the middle right now. He will get too excited and won't be able to sleep."

Makoto blushes hotly but can't deny it. When Haru slides a leg over his hip, Makoto rolls onto his back to let Haru crawl over him. As Haru settles between them, the moonlight softly illuminates the supreme ease and confidence of his expression, a look on his face Makoto has never seen outside the water. Haru rouses himself enough to say, "Tomorrow I'll treat you to dinner. So think about where you want to go," and then he's slipped down into slumber once more.

Rin's breathing is slowing down when his hand finds Makoto's on Haru's hip and curls around it.

As he drifts off himself, Makoto thinks about where he and his boyfriends will go on their first date tomorrow night. Before that, though, in the morning, maybe there will be more kissing and more touching and more sharing of come, and then maybe he and Rin will make up the bed while Haru cooks breakfast.

Yeah; definitely, Makoto thinks, falling asleep, smiling as he falls.