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Hoseok’s left eye opened to a squint, the right side of his face still buried in his pillow. The soft chime of his alarm echoed through the room, and he groaned, his right hand fumbling around on the nightstand until it made contact with his phone. He blindly swiped against the screen and was met with blessed silence.
He dragged himself into a sitting position, messing up his blankets. Hoseok sat criss-cross applesauce, rubbing blearily at his right eye while he tried to get his bearings. There was a small puddle of drool on his pillow. Gross.
He felt a sticky patch of saliva on his chin and quickly wiped it off, glancing over to see Seokjin still sleeping soundly, his chest rising and falling with every breath.
He didn’t understand how Seokjin could sleep on his back. Hoseok couldn’t get comfortable unless he was lying on his side or stomach, one arm tucked under his pillow. He wiped his hand on his boxers before leaning over to rouse his boyfriend. Hoseok let the full weight of his body settle onto Jin, sprawling across the wide expanse of his chest, the tips of his toes peeking out over the edge of the mattress. Fingertips brushing over Jin’s temple, he dipped forward to whisper in his ear.
“Hyung, it’s time to get up.”
There was a little mole on the juncture between Jin’s neck and shoulder, and Hoseok mouthed at it in the hopes that he might wake. Seokjin whined, shifting underneath him. His eyes stayed firmly shut in an obvious attempt at ignoring him.
“It’s Saturday. We’ll miss out on the farmer’s market if we don’t get going,” he murmured against his neck.
The sheets rustled as he got up off of Jin. He sleepily exited their bedroom into the hall. The bathroom door was ajar and he pushed it open, flicking the light on before moving to stand in front of the sink. Hoseok pulled both his and Seokjin’s toothbrushes from the cup, squeezing out a bit of minty paste onto each. He set Jin’s readied toothbrush on the vanity and began to brush his teeth.
Jin stumbled in thirty seconds later still looking half-asleep. He swiped his brush off the granite and they stood side-by-side, used to this familiar routine. Hoseok finished quicker and rinsed his mouth before leaning over to wash his face. He returned to their bedroom, patting a towel to his forehead. There was a half-hearted attempt at making the bed, sheets still a little wrinkly. It would have to do.
After peeling his shirt off, Hoseok started to rifle through their closet.
“Are you okay with the pink hoodie?” He called out. Seokjin made a gurgling noise from the bathroom. Hoseok took that as an affirmative. He laid out the pink hoodie and a pair of jeans on the bed, pulling on his own dark pants and beige knit sweater.
The clasp on his watch put up a good fight, but Hoseok’s nimble fingers came out victorious. He flipped his wrist to check the time. 8:04 am. Not bad. He threw his towel into the hamper and went out to the kitchen.
“Are the reusable shopping bags in the pantry?” Hoseok yelled.
“Second shelf!”
He started up some coffee and went to retrieve the bags, stuffing them into his leather tote by the doorway before returning to the kitchen. Three sugar packets and three spoonfuls of creamer for each of them. Hoseok filled two travel mugs and placed the pot in the sink. Coffee in hand, he walked into their small foyer and saw Seokjin already putting on his shoes.
“How are you feeling today?” He asked.
“Still weird? My hearing is sensitive, but, it’s better than yesterday? I don’t know, we’ll have to see how things pan out.”
Hoseok paused, worried, “Are you sure? We can always skip this week.”
“No way. I’m not letting this keep me from fresh produce. I found a veggie recipe on Naver I have to try. Ah, coffee.”
Jin took both of the mugs, sipping out of his own while Hoseok struggled with the laces on his Docs. He straightened out and slung his bag over his shoulder, accepting the coffee his boyfriend proffered.
“Well, I’ve got some extra stim toys in my bag if it gets to be too much. You’ve got your headphones? Your necklace? Got everything?”
Seokjin rolled his eyes. “Of course, Seok-ah. And you know I don’t need all that anyway, just the necklace is fine. Now can we go? It’s already…” He checked his phone, “8:16, crap. We’ve gotta get a move on. Hopefully I can finish in an hour.”
They exited their apartment, going down three flights of stairs before emerging into the sunny street. The farmer’s market was only a brisk ten-minute walk away.
“So, what are we looking for today?” Hoseok asked.
Jin pulled up the notes app on his phone. “Let’s see… I need: zucchini, cabbage, perilla leaves, and peppers. The summer radish is out of season, so we’ll have to forget that. And I also wanted to get some pears.”
“Did you want to grab some bagels for breakfast? Or did you want to sit down and eat?”
“I have a long list today so we should just get something to-go.”
They made a stop in the nearest Paris Baguette and bought a raisin bagel to share, chewing as they speed-walked to the warehouse.
Seokjin loved the farmer’s market. He loved all of the homegrown vegetables, the freshly baked bread. He especially loved being fawned over by the sweet grannies that ran every booth. They doted on him, treating Jin like a long-lost grandson. Hoseok knew this. He was mostly there to hold the shopping bags while his boyfriend flitted around, trying every sample within reach. The farmer’s market was Jin’s thing. He didn’t mind indulging him.
They arrived at the warehouse at 8:32 am. The real crowd didn’t normally hit until 10 am so they had well over an hour to get what they needed. Jin started to twitch in excitement. Hoseok laced their fingers together, hand warm against his side. He tapped their fingertips lightly, happy to see him happy.
“Where to first?”
“Produce!” Jin said eagerly, dragging him towards the back, almost skipping down the central aisle. Numerous tables and crates were lined along either side, showcasing various fruits and vegetables. Jin knew the layout like the back of his hand. They stopped by Seokjin’s favorite stall, each of them nibbling on a slice of zucchini offered by the vendor.
“This is. So good.” Jin said reverently, holding the zucchini slice aloft like a trophy.
“Let’s get some.” Hoseok rummaged around in his tote for a shopping bag as Seokjin started to search through the zucchini on display, picking out the best ones. They purchased a few and moved onto the next booth. Hoseok was perusing a crateful of cabbages when he saw someone in the corner of his eye. The back of that head looked really familiar.
“Namjoon?”
Namjoon turned around, grinning wide when he caught sight of Seokjin and Hoseok.
“Jin! Hobi!” He put down the carrot that he’d been examining and walked over, giving them both hugs in greeting.
“Are you here alone?” Hoseok asked.
“No, I came with Taehyung. Don’t ask me where he is though. I lost him the moment we got here,” Namjoon laughed. “He was super excited about a fruit sale and ran off.”
“Sale?”
Hoseok looked over at his boyfriend. Seokjin’s eyes were sparkling.
“Taehyung’s probably wrestling someone over a half-priced melon as we speak. I think I should find him before he gets into too much trouble. You guys wanna come with?” Namjoon invited.
Jin nudged him, “How about it?”
“I’ll keep looking around for your vegetables. You go with Namjoon. Divide and conquer and all that.”
“Sounds good. Text me when you’re done.” Jin leaned forward and pecked him on the cheek. They’d been together for three years, but Hoseok’s cheeks still turned faintly pink at the affection.
Seokjin went off with Namjoon to the fruit stands, and Hoseok turned around in search of their second-favorite vegetable booth. There were purple eggplants, cherry tomatoes, and orange squash decorating the stalls in a splash of color. Hoseok went past all of them, making his way over to the booth in the far corner. The old vendor there gave him a cheeky smile when she saw him approach.
“There are usually two of you.”
“He left me for cheap fruit,” Hoseok said forlornly, clutching at his chest in mock sadness.
“I’ve got some pretty veggies here that’ll help you win back his heart,” she joked.
“Only the best for my lost love.” He bent forward and picked out two bunches of perilla leaves before checking out the peppers.
“Are these per kilo? Or sold individually?”
“Per kilo,” she answered. The vendor handed him a small plastic bag for the peppers, humming as she went to the back of her booth, poking around among the boxes. She returned with a small bag, pressing it to Hoseok.
“What’s this?” He asked, puzzled.
“Dried jujubes. On the house.”
“Oh, I couldn’t – ”
“Take them. They’re really good, but my sister gave me too many; I know my family can’t eat them all,” she insisted. “You boys are my favorite customers, it’s the least I could do. Thanks for humoring this old woman every week,” she chuckled.
He gratefully accepted them, storing the bag inside his tote next to their empty mugs. After purchasing the leaves and peppers, Hoseok wandered off to the stalls selling baked goods. Seokjin had a penchant for hearty breads, nutty and whole wheat; he knew there were a few booths here that sold some to his liking. Even with Jin’s persuasion skills, Hoseok still liked the familiar, processed taste of white bread. The farmer’s market was the only place that sold really good homemade wheat loaves; he had to pick some up for Jin.
Thirty minutes later his bag was starting to feel pretty heavy. Hoseok had shopped around, and even stopped to check out the new bingsu place out by the front of the market. He peeked into his pack, taking inventory. There was a head of cabbage and a warm loaf of bread added along with the other produce.
Hoseok thought of Seokjin fondly. He would be hopping around in glee when he saw all the groceries.
It was nice to think positively. Jin had been having a rough couple of days. Earlier in the week, he had woken up with a splitting headache and ultra sensitive hearing. He began to feel overwhelmed by things that normally didn’t faze him, and slipped into a nonverbal period, quietly letting Hoseok know through text. Things had been a little tense. Hoseok made sure he was okay, but gave him space. Then yesterday, Jin finally woke feeling good, started talking again, was able to express himself and better identify what he was feeling. He wasn’t where he wanted to be, but it was more than he’d had in the past few days.
Thank God it was Saturday. The farmer’s market was a place they could both go to lower their inhibitions. All of the vendors were kind, and there was fresh food everywhere. They got to spend time together outside of their home, which was always nice once in awhile.
He pulled out his phone to text Jin that he was done, opening up the kakaotalk app. Just as he was typing out his message, Hoseok got a call from Namjoon.
“Hey, that’s funny, I was just about – ”
“Hobi, come quickly. We’re still over by the fruit. I don’t know what to do. Tae! Stop! You’re making – ” The call cut off.
Hoseok felt immediate dread.
Shoving his phone into his bag, he took off in a sprint, making a beeline for the fruit section. He weaved through bodies, cutting corners. His legs weren’t long enough.
He heard them before he saw them. Hoseok rounded the corner and was met with absolute chaos.
More than a dozen people were crowded around the farthest fruit stand. Two crates of oranges were overturned, spilling out onto the floor. And there was Taehyung, sweet, soft, harmless Taehyung, actually yelling at another shopper, Namjoon’s hand clamped around his bicep, trying to drag him away.
In the middle of it all was Jin.
He was rocking, chin jerking upwards every few seconds. Seokjin’s eyes were unfocused and blinking erratically. His left hand was tightly clenched into a fist around the limp, broken chain of his favorite stimming necklace, his right arm bent up at the elbow where his fingers were flapping just above his shoulder. Jin’s movements were rough and jolting, his body doing its best to keep him grounded in the midst of turmoil.
Adrenaline coursed through Hoseok and he doubled his efforts, fighting through the small crowd to get to Seokjin. He put a cautious hand on Jin’s waist, murmuring to him soothingly, though he knew his boyfriend wouldn’t be able to hear it over the din.
“Hey, Seokjin. It’s okay. You’re okay. Jin, baby, you’re gonna be fine.” He led them away, ignoring all of the disgruntled complaints and a few pointed stares.
“Freak,” someone spit out at him.
Hoseok bristled at the insult, sending a murderous glare at the lady who’d said it, fury unfurling in the pit of his stomach. He grit his teeth and forced himself to keep moving. Jin was the only thing that mattered right now.
They made it out of the crowd and Hoseok took careful steps, moving slowly into the nearest quiet corner. He fished Seokjin’s earbuds out of his big hoodie pocket, connecting the jack to his phone. Hoseok popped them into Jin’s ears and put Hyukoh’s “Big Bird” on repeat at full volume. He looked through his bag, digging deep until he felt the soft rubber of the fuzzy tangle.
Gently bringing Jin’s right hand down, he nudged the tangle into his fingers. He took to it immediately, and Hoseok sighed in relief. Although he could read Seokjin better than anyone, he was still never sure of what Jin needed. Sometimes he dropped the toy, if it was the wrong texture, or didn’t stim the right way. The situation was dire enough that he was glad to have gotten it right on the first try.
Hoseok ducked down and pried Seokjin’s left hand open, collecting the broken necklace. He stood up, scrutinized it, and sagged back into the wall. The necklace was completely mangled. A few of the silver beads were missing and the central stim charm was gone. The chain was tangled and ripped, the clasp still connected, but hanging in the middle of one loose end.
Tears welled in his eyes. The necklace had been a gift from Jin’s mother, probably his most treasured possession. Hoseok sniffled and roughly scrubbed an arm over his face. Now was not the time. He squared his shoulders and turned his attention to Jin, pocketing the necklace.
Seokjin already seemed calmer. His stimming was slower than earlier, more deliberate. It would probably wind down in a few minutes. After living together for so long, Hoseok found that the thing Jin needed most was patience. Most of the time, Seokjin was a languid, relaxed person. He worked through everything with steady determination and optimism, taking his own time. Jin was Hoseok’s anchor; a stable and calming presence in his life. The least he could do was be the same. Hoseok would wait forever for Seokjin to come back to him.
He was starting to worry if he should have put on a different song when Namjoon finally came over, looking thoroughly exhausted.
“What happened?” Hoseok asked.
Namjoon sighed deeply, settling against the wall next to him. He scratched the back of his neck.
“Someone, I don’t know who, knocked those crates of oranges over. Taehyung took responsibility for them anyway, and told the vendor he would pay for them. Which would have been fine, the whole thing could have been done there. But then an older woman who came for the sale began grumbling under her breath about it. You know Tae. It rubbed him the wrong way and he had to respond. It turned into a shouting match.” He pinched the skin between his eyebrows, stressed. “Then she went after Jin when he started stimming. Tae wasn't having that either. That's when I called you.”
Hoseok was spent, and after hearing Namjoon’s words, the only thing left in his body was unadulterated anger. Why did she have to drag Jin into it?
“Where’s Taehyung?” He demanded.
“Still with the other customer, talking to the vendor. Things calmed down. Sort of.”
“Can you stay with Jin for a moment?”
“Hoseok, don’t,” Namjoon warned, seeing his hardened expression.
“I just need to talk to them. I need to figure this out. Just stay here.”
“It’s almost over! Tae’s probably coming right now, you don’t have to,” he pleaded.
“Namjoon. I’m not going to let anyone disrespect him. Ever.”
Hoseok marched out of the corner and directly to the stall in long, angry strides. Taehyung was still there, gesturing to the vendor, mild irritation on his face. And there was the old bag next to him. She looked absolutely miffed, nose turned up, scowl on her face. He butt in right between them.
“What gives you the right to be such a massive bitch?” He asked loudly.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I want to know why you think it’s okay to call someone a freak when you know nothing about them.”
She recognized him then.
“I don’t need to know an idiot to spot one,” she scoffed. “Why would you let someone like that out of the house? People like him only cause a scene.”
Taehyung gasped in disbelief. Hoseok trembled in his outrage, fingers curling into claws. Anger and hatred thrummed in his veins. A huge ball of hurt and upset lay heavy in his chest, making his whole body tense.
“You know nothing! You don’t know what he’s been through! Don’t talk about things you don’t understand,” he choked out, taking a step closer.
“It’s simple really. Retards have no place here. Or anywhere.” She sneered.
“Shut up! Just shut up!” he roared. He took another step forward and for the first time, fear flashed across her face.
A hand wrapped around his wrist from behind. “Tae. Not now,” he growled. The hand only tightened. He turned, glowering.
It was Jin.
He looked worn, drained of energy, but aware. Seokjin was shaking his head at him frantically, trying to convey with his eyes what he couldn’t verbally. He tugged insistently on Hoseok’s wrist. Namjoon and Taehyung stood behind him on either side, looking at them anxiously.
He made eye contact with Jin, and after a prolonged moment, gave in. All of the fight left his body. Head ducked, he went to Seokjin and fell into his embrace, burying his face into the other’s neck.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left you. But. She was being evil. I couldn’t ‒ ”
Jin shushed him. Leaning back and looking into Hoseok’s face, he gave him a poignant stare.
“I’m sorry,” is all he said again. He was on the verge of crying and was feeling a lot. Anger and bitterness and regret all rolled into one. Jin patted him on the back, understanding. He kept an arm around Hoseok and slipped his phone out of his pocket with the other.
A short ding rung through the leather of his bag.
From: Jin-hyung <33
Can we go home?
“Of course.”
Hoseok spared another glance at the woman. She was staring with open contempt, like they were a herd of unruly animals. She would never learn and she would never change; he felt gross and sad about that.
They made their way out of the farmer’s market, Seokjin tucked into his side. Namjoon and Taehyung followed closely, trailing after them to the exit. Their little group stopped by the doors.
“Will you guys be okay?” Taehyung asked.
He nodded, “We’ll be fine. I’ll text you later.”
They bid each other farewell and headed in opposite directions. Hoseok walked home at a snail’s pace, keeping an eye on Seokjin. He seemed okay. He looked tired, and was fidgeting a little.
“How are you feeling?”
Jin shook his head, unable to form words. Hoseok switched to yes or no.
“When we get home, do you need space?” He felt him nod.
“Feeling weird? Do you still need to stim it out?” Another nod.
“Okay. I’ll put the groceries away. Text me when things get better.”
They entered their complex’s lobby and took the elevator instead of the stairs. Hoseok reached out for Jin’s hand and tangled their fingers.
“Hey, I love you, you know?” He whispered.
Seokjin stared at him for a minute, deeply, holding so much weight. Then he leaned forward and kissed him softly, communicating in his own way. I love you too.
The elevator opened, breaking the moment. Hoseok got their door unlocked and went to the kitchen, unloaded the bags. He heard Jin go into their bedroom, probably to listen to music and stim at his desk, or maybe take a nap.
The rest of the day went by slowly. He made lunch for them both, texting Jin that there was food if he got hungry. Hoseok tried to watch TV, restlessly flipping through the channels. He couldn’t stop thinking about Seokjin, and everything that happened that morning. The remote fell onto the couch with a gentle thump, and he sighed, finally giving up.
Hoseok collected his duffel from their room before heading to the gym. He saw Jin with headphones on, scrolling through his laptop. Not wanting to bother him, he shut the door as quietly as possible.
He returned an hour later, sweaty, tired, and sore. Long kickboxing sessions were always a good way for him to cope. Hoseok jumped into the shower, willing the hot water and steam to wash away any lingering stress. He wrapped a fluffy towel around his waist and entered their bedroom.
Seokjin was sitting up against the headboard, earbuds in, tangle in hand. He stimmed for a while longer as Hoseok pulled on sweats and a long sleeved shirt. Hoseok flopped down onto his side of the bed, scrolling through his phone, texting Taehyung. There was a tug on his sleeve.
He turned his head and Jin was there, on his side. He was facing him, eyes soft.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jin asked.
Hoseok put his phone on his nightstand, “Yeah.”
“Why did you go that far, Hoseok?”
“You know why. She was vile, hyung. I couldn’t let her say those things about you.”
Seokjin reached out and intertwined their fingers, “You don’t need to defend me,” he said gently.
“I know. I know that.”
They’d talked about this before. Jin wasn’t afraid of the stares, they didn’t bother him. He certainly didn’t like insults, but he’d made his peace with them. Seokjin simply needed to do what he needed to do, and if other people had a problem with it, then so be it. He didn’t know those people; he wasn’t going to make it his problem. Hoseok was still trying to understand his mindset. It was something he was working on.
“People like her. People who don’t want to understand, never will. They’re not worth our time, Seok-ah.”
Hoseok’s voice went small, feeling slightly ashamed. “I just. I wanted to make her feel as bad as she made me feel. As bad as she made you feel. And I know it’s fucked up, I know. But petty revenge was all that consumed me, in that moment,” he admitted.
“I understand your feelings got the best of you. It’s okay, Hoseok.” Jin pulled him in closer, planted a small kiss on the tip of his nose.
“Sorry,” he whispered.
“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you’re so staunchly in my corner.”
“I always will be.”
Jin smiled down at him, enveloping him in his arms. They lay there until they fell asleep, sharing the same breath, heartbeats aligned.