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The watchers gave Xequla many wonderful gifts. One of the gracious gifts the watchers had bestowed upon him was the ability to change his form to his will, bending it in the light. Unfortunately for them, Grian was a player at heart no matter what form he took. Something just felt wrong with shifting heights and skin hair and species at will, something so bad about melting into the void.
It never went away.
Grain’s skin pulled and stretched, his form never seemed to settle right, it never felt his own. Hours spent staring at photos of himself, now that he was with the hermits,
just to know what he looked like. He was ever changing, eyes reflecting those around him, laughter too, but he tried, he did everything he could to stay in one form.
-
The first person to know about his ability was Xisuma. Xisuma was not an idiot. He considered himself a smart admin at the end of the day, so as much as Grian pretended he was an avian, he knew better. Not that he particularly cared of course what he was. There was some suspicion at first but it was trumped by the fact this boy was clearly lost and needed a place to go.
So yeah X knew that he was a Watcher or well an ex Watcher now so it came as no surprise when Grian started to shift ever so slightly when talking one day. What he did react with, was concern, concern that the moment it started to happen he backed himself into a corner.
“Grian?” He asked to the boy poorly hid and trembling.
Grians shivered at the sound, so at the very least he could hear him, that’s okay X could work with this. He was shaking so bad and you could see waves of different forms shift and quiver with him. Dozen of flashes of colors, purple than red than something else.
“Can I come closer?” He asked gently, hand hesitating in the air waiting to see what to do. Grian shook his head, breathe coming in quick. He couldn’t breathe. He needed to breathe.
“That’s okay, that’s okay, okay I’m just going to sit right here,” X slowing sat on the ground a few meters or so from the boy.
“Do you want me to keep talking or just sit here?”
Grian shook his head again fast and frantic, wings curled around his body in a desperate attempt to hide himself.
“Sorry, I uh, um,” that was too vague a question,he clearly was panicking too much from something, what had triggered this reaction anyway, no, no no time, he needed to get him to breathe, yes he knew breathing things. “Can you breathe with me? Come on you got this”
Xisuma took in a long exaggerated breath, “You got this, you’re safe, it’s okay” and breathed out. “It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay” and than began again, in and out, in and out, in long exaggerated breathing.
After what felt like ages of an unsteady form and hundreds of reassurances, he finally seemed to settle a little bit. A little bit of fuzz or uncertainty, flickering or eye colors, but he was no longer shaking so bad.
“You with me?” Xisuma softly said. Grian hummed, eyes dropping.
“Yeah,” he whispered, “hi”
“Hi” X smiled, “welcome back”
Grian sat up straighter and stretched before flinching at another shift of height. He took a deep breath then continued trying to get up. He could do this, just get back to his base and rest for an eternity, never speak of this again.
He stumbled to his feet. X hesitated for a moment but rushed over to help him stand.
“Here, okay I got you, we’ll get you to your base, it’s okay” Grian briefly flickered to look like Xisuma, then Mumbo, then Scar. His friends, did his friends know? No it’s fine, Grian clearly didn’t want them knowing his past and that is just fine, we are all running from something. How could they get to his base without suspicion?
“Hey Grian?” X asked as they made their way to the door, “we are gonna have to talk about this later but can you fly right now? If not that’s okay but you’d have to stay here if you don’t want to be seen.”
Grian paused in his movement. He stood still before turning and burying his face in Xiusma chest. Then when the admin wrapped his arms around him, the newer hermit shifted into a bird, hoping up onto his shoulder.
“Oh,” X said, “that works too”
They got to Grians base no problem and if in the future you could find a bird sometimes riding with their resident admin then hermits collect pets all the time so who were they to question it.
-
The next person to find out Grian could shift was actually Rendog. He had been building this little hut in the shopping district for hybrids, magic users, or really anyone on the server with sensitivities to have a place to go in cases of emergencies. It was soundproof and blast proof and had all the enchantments. He was really proud of the progress done and it was almost fully stocked with health potions, pillows and other commodities.
Grian had promised to come by and double check his work, a second pair of eyes for the details.
“What’s up Rendog!” The resident prankster called out, “what did you need me to take a look at?”
“Ah yes,” he set down the bocks in his hand and gestured to the small building to his left, “I made this”
“This being?”
“Safe house, thought you could test it out, make a nest or something in it to see if it would work.” He started to ramble “Personally I really like it, I have already used it twice after I put up the soundproof walls, my favorite part, but I know I’m just one person and this wasn’t just for me so thought, hey, Grian has big wings maybe he could stretch them inside to see if it’s big enough, and he’s a good builder too so he could do pointers, and so here you are!” He exclaimed!
“Well Ren, I’d be happy to help. This looks beautiful from the outside.” Grian ran his hand across the stone exterior admiring the handiwork.
They went inside the little safe house and turned on the lights. It had this quiet homey feel to it, and, as the name implies, a safe aura. There were a couple rooms, the main kitchen and living room area with a table and medical supplies lining the shelves, then two separate bedroom like rooms with adjustable lights.
It was in the inspection of one of these bedrooms that ren spoke again.
“Yeah I wanted to see how far your wingspan is, it seemed like a good basis for width of the room.”
Grians brow furrowed, “I don’t think I actually know my wingspan” he admitted
“What? How could you not?”
“I just,” he hesitated, “let me show you”
Grian turned away from Ren and slowly stretched his wings out till they were touching the walls at each end. Then, like waves across the feathers, they became shorter, now only reaching the ends of the sofa.
“It’s inconsistent”
Ren gaped at the Brit. “What”
“Sorry that was probably really weird, I don’t like it but you wanted my help and I couldn’t really help with that” he pulled at his feathers, a few loose ones falling off.
“What”
“I know, I know it’s weird I’ll just,” Grian tucked his wings into his sweater hiding them away.
“No!” Ren exclaimed, “that’s so cool!”
Now it was Grians turn to go “what”
“That’s so cool man! Why don’t you show that off more, it must be so useful for getting out of tricky situations!”
Grian sheepishly massaged a fallen feather in his fingers. He let his wings out again, this time a little less tucked in.
“It’s not a skill I’m particularly fond of”
Ren chuckled and pat a hand on his friends back, “well I won’t tell anyone about it but thank you for telling me!”
Grian smiled. His friends were pretty cool.
-
The third person who found out about this ability was Mumbo. It made sense, his friend was always hanging about and it was kind of inevitable as is all his secrets to be found. Some just stay hidden for longer than others.
Grian had been having a bad week. No matter how good he was at acting, hours lost spent staring into the void were hard to hide. He was tired, and his skin didn’t fit right. Everything was just so wrong.
So there he sat, the void was pretty, he wished he didn’t miss it. He shouldn’t miss it. His time in the void was so bad, so cruel, but still he was longing for the chill of nothingness. The cool void of sound or life or reality, just calm, just nothing.
It could have minutes, hours, days, or years since he sat down on the edge of the hole he punched in the bedrock. It seemed like a good idea at the time, a window. It wasn’t like he was going to jump so what was the harm.
There was a buzzing, some was messaging him. It was fine, whoever it was could wait. It was nice here, quiet. What time was it?
“Hey buddy” someone spoke, someone was here then. Was he in trouble? He didn’t want to be in trouble
“You with me?” The voice asked. He hummed, flinching when he felt his skin shift on his bones. It hurt. A buzzing filled his mind like a hive within his skull.
A hand settled on his shoulder, “Grian?”
It was Mumbo. Mumbo was nice. He would take care of him, Mumbo was safe. His mustache was nice, it was fluffy.
“Yeah, it’s Mumbo, hi, nice mustache”
Did he say something out loud? That sounds like something he would do. Grian mumbled far too much, or at least that’s what the watchers told him. The watchers didn’t like him. Sam didn’t like him either.
“Can you get up, away from the ledge with me?”
That was a good question. The ledge was nice though, and his legs were surly jello at this point. It wasn’t like it was his body anyway so why would he be able to stand up. It made sense to feel so far away.
There were some more mumbles and a sigh. An arm reached down under him and lifted him up with a grunt. Oh, he was gonna get carried. He could help with that. Grian shifted, made himself smaller, lighter, easy to be held.
“Well, uh, okay then, thanks” the voice spoke again. He could be good, he’d be exactly what they needed, he could be good.
Grian drifted in and out of focus as they went up somewhere. A base probably, it was warm, warm was nice.
“I don’t know if you can hear me but everyone’s really worried about you so I’m gonna message X and hope that isn’t a breach of privacy. God I hope that’s okay, I’m very confused.”
A hand brushed through his hair, and he let out a trill of safe,home,flock . The hand stilled for a moment before resuming the petting,
“Yeah, that’s right, safe”
After a bit more of this, a second voice joined the room. There was some mumbling, they must be talking.
A hand lifted his head up to looking into the other persons eyes. It was Xisuma, X’s eyes were pretty, he liked his eyes. Eyes shifted to match the hue.
“Hi Grian”
Grian smiled, that was his name, his name was Grian now. The person set an ice cube in his hand, closing his fingers around it. It was cold.
“Can you feel that?”
He hummed
“Good, what’s it feel like?”
His eyes brows furrowed drifting down to his hand. It was wet, it must have been melting for a minute already. He opened his mouth and croaked,
“Cold”
“Yeah, yeah it’s cold. Good job, you’re doing so good. What’s my name?”
His name? He knew his friends name.
“Ex-eye-suma” with a gentle smile. X was so nice. He was of the void too. He was a good admin.
The ice was melting in his hand, something was in his other hand too. Oh, Mumbo was still here, his best friend was holding his hand. Why was he so cold?
He shivered a bit and looked back up at Xisuma who was still holding his face.
“Can you tell me what your name is?”
His name? Xequla. That wasn’t his name any longer though. He needed to be good, they didn’t like his player name.
“Xequla” he said closing his eyes, leaning into warm hand on his face. His wings dropped down and he could imagine the purple hue he hated so much on the tips of each feather.
“Oh Grian” the voice sounded sad, that wasn’t good. He didn’t know what he did wrong.
“Your name is Grian, we are at Mumbo base, we’re in Hermitcraft right now. You have light brown waffle hair, and these beautiful colorful wings.”
He did, didn’t he. Grian liked his waffle hair.
“That’s right and you like playing pranks and making nests. You are a bit short and have some very creative neighbors.”
Grian blinked open his eyes again and glanced over at Mumbo, then looked back at Xisuma, letting silent tears stream down his face before pulling him in close for a hug.
He was so tired. More than anything he was tired of being tired. Grian just wanted his friends. Life hurt, he knew that so well, but for now he held his admin and best friend in his arms. With them he was safe, no matter what form he was in, with them he could be safe.
-
The fourth time someone learned about his shifting was at boatem meeting.
Grian had been avoiding The Talk with Pearl about what happened at Evo and a tense peace had been created between them.
He still missed her though and would find himself shifted as a fox following her around on bad days. She didn’t know of course that it was him but he found solace in her way of working day to day.
Being a fox was actually really fun. If avian Grian liked to cause mischief, then fox Grian had all of that and more in a smaller form. It was even easier to nick different supplies, or to sneak away.
When Pearl had a fox following her there was a suspicious amount of lag on the server.
She was very fond of this little fox that followed her, boasting about being a Disney princess to the rest of boatem. She had several berries in a box she had been collecting for the little guy. Also shines things, the creature seemed to love anything shiny.
It was at one of these unofficial boatem meetings, where they had all agreed to just relax for a couple hours together. Scar, Impulse and Pearl were talking about their bases, Mumbo fiddled with some mechanic, meanwhile Grian was laying face first into the dirt.
“No but there is this adorable little fox that’s been following me around, I’m thinking about bringing it in my starter base and keeping it” Pearl shared her excitement. Mumbo gave a suspicious look over at Grian who had proped his head up to listen
“A fox? I’ve not seen any around here?” Impulse said.
“You know, red tint to its fur, button nose, affinity for stealing shiny things. How have you not seen it, it comes around a least a couple times a week?”
“I don’t know, I suppose he must just like you” Mumbo said nodding at the other hermits in agreement.
Mumbo was probably suspicious it was him but he wouldn’t know why. His fox form was fun though, the close to the ground body and nimbleness was ironically very grounding.
“What about you Grian,” Pearl asked, “Have you seen the little guys, because I swear if it’s actually lag I think I might go crazy”
“Uh, I mean yes?”
“Was that a question!?” Scar laughed. The others laughed alongside him and Grian did crack a smile.
“I,” he could probably tell them the truth. Ren was fine with it, X never bat an eye and Mumbo was trying to convince him to use it for pranks. They could hate him though, Pearl would hate him. He looked over at Mumbo for reassurance.
He could do this, just tell them. He was getting better, more control, less nightmares. It would be fine, and if it wasn’t he could just run, he had done it before. God he hated running.
“I’m kind of, the fox”
Pearl blinked at him with a slight ‘oh’. The slight chuckles and movement came to a still. The world seemed to pause.
Then all at once it started again with Scar going “oooooohhh, so That’s what the fox says”
Which rightfully received groans from the rest.
“That’s so cool! I didn’t know you could shapeshift!” Impulse exclaimed.
“Yeah” Grian stretched a wing out and narrowed his eyes at them shifting the colors into a full rainbow spectrum. “Not a skill I show off a lot but I’m trying to become more comfortable with it” he pulled his wing back in and shifted it back.
“Wait, could you do that back in- back then. Why were you following me around?” Pearl asked.
“I missed you. I struggle to talk about what happened at the end there, and I was afraid you would hate me, but I missed you. They, gave me it as a gift. ” He spat.
Pearl looked at him with wide eyes and a concerned face. She reached out and grabbed his hand, rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. She smiled and told him
“I could never hate you Grian, you’re my brother through thick and thin”
Scar, Impulse, and Mumbo let out a collective ‘aw’ before Impulse piped up
“I do feel like we are missing quite a bit of context for half those statements though.”
-
Letting the rest of the sever know was never a big deal or major event. With the support of boatem he became more confident to use his ability out and about.
Sometimes you would just see a bird on their shoulder. One day Grian would have a glorious mustache or red wings or green hair and for hermitcraft there was always something weirder to worry about. His different heights and colors and species wasn’t out of the ordinary for the eclectic server because at the end of the day it didn’t matter what he looked like, he was just, Grian.