Comment on Personal

  1. Paper_Crane_Song on Chapter 6 Sat 29 Apr 2017 07:46AM UTC

    Wow, this was a really well-written and intelligent piece of writing. You captured the voices of the characters perfectly, with added depth that is not often seen on the TV show. I really liked the scene of BA gripping Face's arm and the concern he showed, the relationship between Hannibal and Face, the insight from Murdock into the situation (how Face's behaviour scared Hannibal) and also Amy's reaction to it all. Also the whole 'Face trying to act normal' scenes in the flashback were very well described.

    My only nitpick is that you used the phrase "ginger fingers" a few times, like in this line:
    "He blinked, rubbed ginger fingers into the crust sticking his eyelids closed, then tried to get himself awake enough to evaluate things better."
    I'm guessing you meant it in the sense of 'gingerly' but it just sounded a bit odd.

    But that minor point aside, the whole story was incredibly good. The plot, characters, relationships, psychology - the whole thing was very, very well done. I hope you write more A-Team soon.

    Last Edited Sat 29 Apr 2017 07:47AM UTC

    Comment Actions

    1. Aron on Chapter 6 Tue 02 Feb 2021 06:07PM UTC

      Thank you for your feedback. This will be a weird reply coming years-after the fact. I haven't logged into this or any fan fic account for ages. I'm glad this has been a fun read for some people and that it still comes across as a good character piece.

      You are correct about the awkward wording in a few areas. I ran through and made a few edits. It's doubtful I caught all the awkward phrasing but perhaps it's a bit smoother than before.

      Overall, thanks again (years later) for the feedback and I'm pleased you enjoyed this one.

      Comment Actions

      1. Paper_Crane_Song on Chapter 6 Wed 03 Feb 2021 02:30PM UTC

        Hi, thanks for your reply, it doesn’t feel weird at all - I’ve reread this fic a few times since I left that comment, so it feels quite fresh in my mind still. It’s still one of my top favourite stories - I actually downloaded it onto my kindle so I’ll have to replace the story again with your newest version :) Thanks for letting me know.

        Comment Actions