Comment on The Flames of Arrax

  1. yanon1999 on Chapter 1 Wed 19 Feb 2020 01:25AM UTC

    Fairly interesting beginning, although there are some odd bits here and there. My main gripe was probably with Jon's name, my personal belief being that Jon's Targaryen name will be Aemon. Regardless, even if you did pick an uncommon name, I'm struggling to wrap my head around why you would pick Vaegon specifically. By all accounts, the original Vaegon was wholly unpleasant. He wasn't attractive, skilled at arms, or even nice. He was smart, but even then he was kind of a dick about it. He viewed everyone else as inferior and almost lorded himself over others.

    Also, Ben immediately running away with Jon kinda just serves to make his "three days" ultimatum seem pointless. Other than that though, the plot is fairly well-paced and cohesive.

    The two remaining things I wished to point out were regarding canonical accuracy. Referring to Jon as "Prince Vaegon II" is inaccurate, since only monarchs are given numbers after their names. He should just be "Prince Vaegon", although to be completely accurate it would be "King Vaegon I" since, after Aegon and Aerys's deaths, Jon would be next in the line of succession.
    There was also the matter of Arya's name. Canonically, Eddard's maternal grandmother was Arya Flint, which is where the name likely came from. Naming her after Jon Arryn really feels like a stretch.

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    1. KngZawd on Chapter 1 Wed 19 Feb 2020 01:40AM UTC

      Thank you for that, I actually thought I removed it. You are completely right about the names and titles.

      Yes, it is a stretch. I know that, you know that, and Catelyn knows that but she’s making an attempt without trying too hard. Jon, even though they were gone for a while now was still everywhere. So for her it’s a start, although she knows it. It’ll be explained later, though I don’t want to give too much away, it will be explained when Arya and Jon meet for the first time. The futility of the ultimatum will be talked about the next time Benjen and Ned meet.

      As for the name Vaegon, I chose it for a very specific reason that will be explained later. For the reader when I do explain it it will be fact, but for the characters it will be conjecture at first until it’s confirmed by some greenseeing, but that’s not for some time. But you are right about the previous barer, it will be explained, though if you’d like I could email you directly.

      Thanks for the insights as well as pointing out the faux pas, it has been changed.

      Last Edited Wed 19 Feb 2020 01:47AM UTC

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      1. yanon1999 on Chapter 1 Wed 19 Feb 2020 01:57AM UTC

        Ah ok, I didn't realize it was Catelyn "trying" to make things better with Ned. Regarding the name, it's totally cool if you have a greater reason for choosing Vaegon, and I'm more than happy to find out the reason via reading the story. I just wanted to make sure there was actually substance behind it, rather than just "it sounds cool". Very nice job, and I look forward to where this story goes.

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        1. KngZawd on Chapter 1 Wed 19 Feb 2020 02:14AM UTC

          Thank you! I hope you do stick around, knowledgeable people are always appreciated. Please, don’t hesitate to critique or point out inconsistencies. I will try to fix as I write.

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