Since you asked for pointing out errors I will mention some word and phrase choices. I'm not going to worry about grammar or hyphenating correctly because literally most native speakers get hyphens wrong all the time and I can't remember everything that's supposed to be hyphenated (and English is my only dang language) I will mention if the sentence structure reads as something awkward. Also! If this wasn't what you meant I'm very sorry please feel free to delete this, no hard feelings (genuine)
Firstly, you're writing in another language and that's incredibly awesome! Like, seriously, I have such incredible respect for you. Writing in English is hard enough for me and it's my native language. So definitely remember that you're doing something difficult and it's no big deal getting stuff wrong. (Genuine)
So from the top down:
He and the team had just arrived at the cave and he was going through several exams and readings, one of them being magic.
Something not very important, just an FYI, most English speakers would probably expect "the Bat Cave" instead of only "the cave".
Also, there's something a bit awkward in this sentence at the end. I will attempt to explain. "Exams" is the right word but the way to use it in a medical sense would be something like "He needed a medical exam" or maybe "he needed an examination"
Something relevant that I've picked up from hospital workers is "a work-up". You would use it something like this: Robin needed a full work-up, magic included.
This is specialist language and most English speakers probably don't know it. It's something you learn working in the medical field, even if you aren't necessarily a medical professional (my mother was human resources and my father maintenance at a hospital and they still picked it up) But it's a little thing that can be used to subtly show if a character is familiar with the profession. I like collecting all these random little specialist words and phrases for exactly that. But it's no big deal at all to not use them! I just think it's neat.
"Readings" is not wrong. But I would use 'tests' instead. It makes it clearer that it's a medical procedure. The word readings would be more correctly used in relation to medicine something like this:
"Hal was looking over the readings from his ring, trying to find anything wrong."
Or maybe something like:
"Batman was reviewing the readings for the third time as he waited for Zatana to finish."
the owner who used it as a weapon. The "who" isn't needed here.
It would be connected to other versions of it, but that wasn't the case. The way this sentence reads it could mean "the device connects Robin to other devices across the multiverse when the beam strikes skin" or "the device connects Robin to other Robins in the multiverse, because it didn't strike skin" I'm sorry the English language is terrible and has grammatically correct but confusing use of subjects. It's very frustrating. Also, if the 'it' in "other versions of it" refers to Robin then it should be 'him'. In English grammatical gender is neuter for nearly everything except persons and vehicles like planes and boats (and cars but that one is very dialectic). While some people do use it/its pronouns if that isn't something the reader knows about a character it is jarring. 'It' is often a writer's shorthand way of showing one character dehumanizing another character. An example on using 'it' like that in DC Universes would be an antimeta character referring to all metas as it instead of she or he or their preferred pronouns.
Are you sure you estare alright? Probably ought to be: Are you sure you're alright? Or: Are you sure you are alright?
no quests until we know the nature of this spell So the word 'quest' here is not wrong. It does read oddly though since a quest is something usually associated with fantasy settings or old epic poems and myths. The word usually used instead is 'mission'. Example: "You know how B is, everything for the mission." Jason said, rolling his eyes.
-Displayed.- Artemis For this line I'm not entirely sure what you're going for. I think it might be a colloquialism or slang not translating quite right? If you're going for a teasing way for Artemis to acknowledge the previous thought you might try: "Right" which can be used sarcastically to express something like 'i heard you but this is stupid'. That's generally conveyed with a different tone then when genuine, sometimes the speaker will draw the 'i' sound out to emphasize their sarcasm. Often the speaker will roll their eyes and use other body language cues for emphasis. When spoken earnestly it's usually said much shorter. Though sometimes that, too, can be sarcastic.
I hope that was helpful for you and I definitely don't want you to feel down or anything. You're doing something really hard and and sharing it out here with us. That's very cool! 💕💕💕
Comment on ‘’Robin? And Robin? Wait how many Robins are there?
EmeraldsAndAmethyst on Chapter 1 Sun 25 Jun 2023 02:22AM UTC
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