once again, so happy to have found this fic again in my tabs by your recommendation! I can already tell it's just up my alley, especially with its heavier themes
I really like the hesitated reveal of who the student was! such a small detail but offered what felt like a broad, sweeping shot of the peopled-yet-anonymous setting for this story that I think drove home how lonely and singular anyone could feel in this aftermath, let alone Remus himself
I'm not usually one for pov shifts within a chapter but I think the way you tell this story benefits a lot from having peeks into other characters' brains. it feels more like brief interviews with the same interviewer rather than full day-in-the-life of shifts and I'm enjoying falling into that rhythm more than I thought I could!
"he was wading further out into waters that Sirius feared might wash away what remained of their childhoods, right there in their dorm room." // "Peter asked finally, always the first to break under tension" // "He spoke so softly that James barely heard the words leave his mouth, but he did because there was little else he listened for these days." the way you build up each of them as well, offering crumbs of detail to flesh out the loaves of them, is really lovely to read in both its minutiae and pacing! you're nailing them! so happy to see them becoming established this early on :')
the end of his measured, factual retelling that almost reads as pride at how much he now "knows" -- I love how many shades of emotion can be read into his voice and this account in particular. I think it really emphasizes there's no true one or right way to feel when you get swept up in a seemingly consensual exchange that's ultimately woefully imbalanced and doomed to fail. even the way it happened - somewhat forced proximity and no one else around - to make time flow so differently (I was shocked it was only boxing day to new years!) makes things so hard to see clearly in retrospect. it's stuck with me that Remus got to have the rose colored glasses cracked a bit at the end when Dearborn showed what he was willing to resort to for him (them?), and yet he's still swirling in the swill of it all. such a delicately laden scene, from the abrupt and severe accusations of Lily to Remus ultimately not being worth fighting for to the final proposition...did Remus actually stay for one last time? I think I've gone either way about it - whether he walked out on his own or was left afterwards in the ruins of it all. I think also, the mental reckoning of Lily in this situation in such a brief time is so interesting too -- that she's become a kind and listening ear of his own admission due to her involvement, but that what Dearborn would do in her name was ultimately not what stopped himself or Remus (moreso of the inevitably of being found out). again, it's little details but I think that's a close insight onto Remus' mental state at the time as well as his relationships with other people at all -- they've been prefects together for how long now and he's only just been able to consider her close enough to confide in because of her direct involvement in his life! ugh! the nuance in your writing is just brilliantly refreshing!
and Sirius! he may absolutely hate it but the lack of judgement from all of them even amid their somewhat shortsighted attempts to comfort him (deciding what to say, how to touch him, what's too much) is I think one of the better gifts of friendship they can offer him. he will have to keep that dog on a shorter leash than he likes for the time being unfortunately! and yet, alas, the woes of feeling like you're doing nothing and also can only do nothing do indeed bite harsh at your heels. I know this well ;;
Remus being ready to disappear and james willing him back really struck me. how many times have they and will they have to engage in that throughout their lives, you know? I love and hate seeing that particular habit of remus' crop up, but finding a believable way to add another instance of it into canon is a talent I can readily appreciate -- the fact his wanting to fall away from everything comes from practice and not necessarily this specific experience itself, if thay makes sense. really wonderfully done!
the tampering with the map oooh, feels so very daring and taboo not just for remus but for the author as well! now, who said you could do that!! lmao, I kid, and I love the chops to drop that so easily too. "like it was that easy to rewrite their shared reality" exactly James!! plus, the implication that this is just one unfinished iteration of the map and it really is a shared draft by all of them is so cool too!
"maintaining eye contact with Remus now, like staring into the heart of a dying star" beautifully said (and with a touch of Black irony perhaps?)
“Everyone I’ve loved has hurt me, one way or another. It wasn’t so different.” this being post prank is especially heart-wrenching ;;
altogether a wonderfully written opening to a story I'm so ready to dig my toes into!
Oh my word, thank you so much for the analytical reading and incredibly thoughtful comment! I’m all aglow. Gah :) So glad this made its way back to your tabs and that you’re diving in!
- Thanks for noticing the delayed reveal - I wasn’t sure anyone actually would, because you go into it already knowing it’s Remus from the description/tags - I’m a sucker for ‘outside looking in’ perspectives, but I can see how it can feel a little hectic feeling hopping from head to head. I’m glad you’re giving the multi-POV style a go, hope it keeps things fresh for you like it does me:) - “crumbs of detail to flesh out the loaves of them” is such lovely wording - Remus’s monologue in this chapter was the thing that made me pull the trigger on writing this longer fic. I was intimidated to jump into such a big & heavy story, but I had this part mostly written in my head for a while and had to do it. Thank you for giving it love. - Oh Sirius. No spoilers, but he might be in for a biiit of a struggle with that leash. It might get wrapped around his neck a few times. - And Remus - definitely an avoidant character for life. Which makes it especially sad in the books when after the war all of his friends are gone and he has no one to pull him back in - The map!! Indeed! It always stood out to me in the books how Remus says, “The map never lies” so matter-of-factly, which made me imagine a scenario where they’d had work on it to make sure it truly *couldn’t* lie. And Remus “teaching” it how to lie in the first place is kind of a cute mental image and fits with in the idea of him being surprisingly sneaky when he’s motivated to be - Oo "dying star"/Black irony was an accident, but I like it! - Good catch on the post-prank hurt reference! That bit was on purpose!
I hope you enjoy the chapters ahead! Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me as you start digging in, it means a lot :) x
Comment on The Point of Vanishing
skippinginclouds on Chapter 1 Mon 16 Dec 2024 08:51PM UTC
Comment Actions
GreenIbis on Chapter 1 Mon 16 Dec 2024 10:51PM UTC
Comment Actions