Comment on Watching Them Lie Again and Again

  1. WarhammerAlduin on Chapter 2 Fri 09 May 2025 06:37PM UTC

    Yeah this is beyond massively out of character for Yor Briar | Forger.

    First off Yor was never racist towards Westalians ( people from Westalis ). So Yor aggressively strangling Loid Forger | Twilight, threatening him and forcefully interrogating him is massively out of character for her.

    At most she would demand an explanation even while acknowledging her own hypocrisy in hiding that she is an assassin.

    Second Yor repeatedly physically assaults Twilight for simply thinking rude things about Anya. None of which he actually ever acted on. Again out of character for Yor. In canon Yor is well aware that Loid Forger is not the best parent and tends to be strict or yell at Anya. Yor usually gently reassures Twilight that he is doing his best.

    Whereas in this fanfic one would think Yor spend her entire life hating Loid Forger and harbouring a grudge against him with blatant female on male abuse as Yor repeatedly physically assaults & hits Loid to the point he repeatedly spits out blood.

    What's even more egregious is that you set up this story to take place after chapter 96. A time where Yor fully trusts Loid and understands he struggles with being a father. Yet you had Yor violently assault and threaten her husband anyway.

    *"I like reaction fics to an unhealthy degree. However, I noticed that the ones for Spy X Family mostly just kinda... treat the secrets of everyone like they're not big deals? Not that it's a bad thing in any way, the levity fits the Spy X Family genre very well."*

    I get that your goal is to have the characters react in a bigger or more "realistic" way to all the big secrets. But you took Yor's reactions way over the top. The idea that Yor would assault her husband who is happily married to and give him outright death threats rather than even try to hear him out or understand his point of view comes off as nonsensical. This is not how Yor would behave even on her worst day. She has been fully supportive of Loid Forger for most of the series and openly protective of Loid even severely reprimanding her own brother Yuri when Yuri speaks badly of Loid.

    Yor just randomly assuming the worst of Loid Forger | Twilight is just ridiculous.

    Its not the first time Yor has seen Loid think negative thoughts about Anya, yell or get angry at her. Yor usually calmly supports him in canon and reassures him that he is a good parent. Whereas here is this fanfic. Yor physically assaults Loid as if he committed a serious crime by having negative thoughts about Anya at all.

    It would have been better to have Yuri get angry on Yor's behalf and yell angry accusations while Yor is just mostly confused and calmly asking questions.

    That would have been in character while showing the big reactions that you were hoping for to Loid's secrets. Rather than have Yor just constantly violently abuse and severely injured Loid repeatedly while ignoring Anya repeatedly screaming at Yor to stop hurting Loid. Making it questionable if Yor ever actually cared for Loid or Anya at all.

    That's just bad out of character writing.

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    1. Xseraph8899 on Chapter 2 Fri 09 May 2025 08:58PM UTC

      Thanks for helping me figure out what I've been doing wrong! I knew that I made Yor more violent than I should have (as I referenced in another comment), but you have done a very good job at helping me figure out what I'm doing wrong and understand a character better! I'm very aware that I'm not the best writer, and I had a feeling that I wouldn't be writing Yor correctly to start off, and clearly I was correct to think that would be the case.

      I'm planning to go back and tone her down a ton, make her more in character, while making Yuri a bit more vocal in defense of his sister. Even if he's trying to keep his cool and learn everything he can about Twilight to take him down properly, he's still Yuri, the overprotective brother.

      Before seeing this comment, I wasn't quite sure how I would be changing Yor's reactions to things, but I think you're pushing me towards the right direction, thankfully. I hope you can keep giving me more feedback in the future to help me make sure I'm not stepping too far out of line!

      Also, I wasn't trying to make Yor even a little racist. The world they live in is one where they are constantly being told to be suspicious of the other country, and she did just learn that Twilight was a spy. Additionally, her job is to help protect her nation in her own way. I think that before learning his mission, it's perfectly reasonable for her to be a bit hostile to a spy.

      Thanks for having read what I've written so far, thanks for telling me what I need to improve, and I'm sorry that I fell so far short of expectations on my first attempt! I'll try to fix it up and do better in the future!

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