Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Quagmires and Baudelaires were happily having a good time in the library. Sometimes they forgot that they were in pretty unfortunate circumstances. It was much easier to be happy when you had people around you who cared and liked to be with you.

Isadora looked to be very focused on something. She seemed to whisper something under her breath, as if she was rehearsing to say something. She had been like this ever since lunch, but no one questioned it. They assumed she was just having a day where she didn't want to speak much. 

Sunny was sitting next to Isadora. She put her hand on her leg.

"Wannatalk?" she asked.
"Talk about what, Sunny?" Isadora asked.
"Girl stuff?"

Isadora smiled while looking down at the little toddler. 

"Girl stuff, huh? What kind of girl stuff?"
"Crushes."

Isadora started to snort a bit. "Ooh, you got a crush, little one?"

Sunny smirked. "No, you."
"Me?"

Sunny nodded. "Dickinson."
"Yeah, it's true, I associated myself with the poet Emily Dickinson, but what has that gotten to do with-."
"Dickinson." Sunny repeated, this time a bit harsher.

Isadora frowned. "I'm sorry, does that have another meaning?"
"Yeah." Sunny said, "Crushes."
"Right, we were talking about crushes."

It was hard for Isadora to follow, since she wasn't fluent in baby-talk. Suddenly, Sunny pointed at Violet.

"Edison." she said.
"Edison? Like the inventor Thomas Edison? Yeah, I guess Violet is like him in a way."

Sunny smiled. She pointed at both Isadora and Violet now.
"Edison. Dickinson."
"Ok."

Sunny suddenly crawled away to her sister. Isadora could hear Violet whisper something. She wasn't sure what she said, but it sounded something like:

"Thanks Sunny. I think I need to speak with her myself later. You know, when no ones around."

Suddenly, someone who usually never is in the library got into the library.

"Hello, cakesniffers." Carmelita said.
"Hell yeah, i'm a proud cakesniffer!" Regina said. "I sniffed a cake in the kitchen the other day. It was better than eating it!"

Everyone stared at her. 

"So it was your nose-mark on it that I saw?" Carmelita asked.
"No, I was joking. How did you know there was a mark from a nose? How did you even know there was a cake?"

Carmelita went silent. Then she coughed and shook her head.

"I'm here to deliver a special message." she said. "Vice Principal has sent me to tell the Baudelaires that he wants to see them right away."
"Well, thank you." Klaus replied. "I guess."

The Baudelaires started to get up to go and see Vice Principal Nero.

"Uh-uh!" Carmelita hissed, "Where's my tip?"
"Your tip?" Violet asked, confused.
"It is tradition to give the messanger a tip."

The Baudelaires just stared at her.

"No." Klaus said, and he and his sisters walked off.

"I'll give you a tip." Regina said, and wiggled her eyebrows.

Carmelita just rolled her eyes and dashed off. Carroll sighed, and patted Regina on her shoulder.

"Why are you patting my shoulder?"
"To make you feel better."

Carroll sighed. His sister was trying, even if maybe didn't realise it. Maybe he needed to work on both people if he wanted this to work. Even if one of them was a bitch.

The Baudelaires ran out of the administration building. They looked like they were about to die. Before the Quagmires could say anything, their friends dragged them to the dorm rooms.

Inside the girls room, they told them everything.

"Holy shit." Isadora said.
"So, let's see if I got this." Carroll said. "There's a new gym teacher named Coach Genghis, but that's actually not his name?"
"Yes." Klaus said. "It's Count Olaf, the man who's been following us."

Duncan frowned. "But... why would he dress up as a gym coach? And why does he want to talk to you? You don't have gym class!"
"Yeah, she should speak to the students who actually have gym class." Regina said. "Speaking of which, I pity those who have to take that class. It makes me feel better to have math classes, even if I hate it."

Violet took a deep breath. "Coach Genghis wanted us... because we need to run laps at night."
"Run laps?" Isadora asked.
"Yes. It's called S.O.R.E: Special Orphan Running Exercises"
"But we're orphans too." Duncan noted.
"Yeah." Klaus said. "Count Olaf only wants us."

Regina stood up.

"I can kick his ass."
"You three can kick his ass!" Isadora exclaimed, pointing at the Baudelaires.
"We've tried." Violet said. "We have tried to bite him, kick him... and he..."

She shook her head, and Klaus and Sunny hugged her. 

"We're fucked, aren't we?" Carroll said.
"Not if I kick his ass!" Regina protested.
"Do not kick his ass." Violet said. "Please. He's gonna kill you. He is capable of killing."

Regina took a deep breath. Then she started to sing.

"There's a moment you know... you're fucked."
"Yep." Isadora said. 

Everyone was quiet for a while. Isadora bit her lip. She had planned confess everything to Violet today, but now it seemed like this should be handled first. 

"We need to meet him at night, while Nero has his violin recidal." Klaus sighed.
"Well, atleast you don't have to suffer through it." Carroll said.
"We still need to buy Nero candy for missing the performance."
"Now, that's some bullshit!" Isadora exclaimed.

Everyone agreed. The Quagmires had heard the Baudelaires had trouble with this Count Olaf before, but they never knew it was this bad. This man should be behind bars! No, better! He should be pushed off a cliff and get eaten by a man-eating beast while choking on a spyglass!

The night came, and the Quagmires had to suffer alone through their Vice Principals violin recidal. They had done it before, but it was harder now. 
Duncan had no one he preffered to secretly look at rather than look on Nero.
Isadora had no one she could casually sit next to and every now and again "accidentally" touch.
Carroll had no people to smirk at because they were so obvious with their feelings.
Regina found herself to be much more distracted by someone who sat in front of her now when the Baudelaires weren't there to make her company.

They hoped their friends were okay, and that nothing bad would happen to them.

The Baudelaires weren't in the dorms when the Quagmires had finished the recidal. They were going to stay up to wait for them, but were so tired that they fell asleep.

When Regina and Isadora woke up, they noticed Violet and Sunny sleeping beside them. They looked to be in a very deep sleep, as if they had been up until very late at night and just fell asleep.

"Hey." Regina said, "Should we wake them up?"
"I think we should let them sleep..."
"But if they skip class they'll give them punishments!"

Isadora gasped. "Since when is Regina Quagmire a follower of the rules?"
"I just want to... think about their future. School is important."
"You're sounding like Klaus." Isadora frowned. "No, you're sounding like someone who wants to imitate Klaus."

Regina took a deep breath. "That's just a coincidence."
"Don't try to impress him." Isadora said. "You're not in love with him. And I can guarantee that he-"
"Is Violet and Sunny also asleep?" Duncan asked, walking up to them.

The sisters got a bit startled by their suddenly appearing, but they nodded slowly.

"I think we should let them sleep." Carroll said. "They worked hard last night. We'll tell the teachers that they are sick."

Both Mr. Remora and Miss Bass let it go that the Baudelaires were sick, as long as they came back the next day. But what the Quagmires forgot was that Vice Principal Nero had Sunny as his administrative assistant. Hopefully he didn't notice.

The Baudelaires came around at lunch, looking very stressed.

"I have never skipped class before!" Klaus exclaimed.
"Don't worry, we talked to the teachers." Isadora calmed them.
"Olaf must've been keeping you up for long." Carroll noted.

Violet looked like she was about to cry.

"Yes! He kept us going all night! We ran lap, after lap..."

"Oh, fuck him." Regina commented. "I hope you only had to run laps once."

Just as she said that, her body melted as she heard a voice behind her.

"Hello, cakesniffers." 
"Hello, Carmelita." everyone replied except Regina who looked like she had been drugged.
"I'm here to deliver a special message to the Baudelaires." Carmelita said. "You three will arrive at dawn to run laps with Coach Genghis."
"Again?" Klaus asked.
"Yes, again! Are you deaf, cakesniffer?"

This went on for days. The Baudelaires woke up tired as heck, and either skipped class to sleep or went to class or in Sunny's case, work as Neros assistant, but couldn't focus because they were too tired. And then, around lunch, Carmelita would come once again to deliver a special message to the Baudelaires. The Quagmires didn't know what to do. 

Duncan, who just had gotten together with Klaus, wanted to show affection to him more, but Klaus was so tired that he barely could look at him.
Isadora wanted to confess her love for Violet, but wanted to wait until the right time. When Violet was tired and grumpy because an evil man forced her to run laps, it was not the right time.
Carroll was a bit nervous about this whole situation, because he once wrote a story where kids get kidnapped by an evil man, and it seemed like Count Olaf could kidnap children if he wanted to.
Regina secretly hoped that when Carmelita was going to deliver a special message next time, it was for anyone else and not the Baudelaires.

It was another day, and Carmelita once again tap-danced up to their table. Violet, Klaus and Sunny sighed before she even reached them.

"Let me guess." Klaus said. "Coach Genghis wants us to run laps again."
"Not only that." Carmelita explained, "But Vice Principal wants to see you three in his office right away!"
"Wait, why?" Violet asked.

Carmelita smirked. "Perhaps he wants to talk about how you're failing your classes."

The Baudelaires sunk onto the table. 

"Now, you three owe me a lot of tips!" Carmelita said. "If you don't give me tips-"
"Can you shut up about your tips!" Isadora yelled.

Everyone around the table went quiet.

"I've been putting up with your bullshit for long enough." Isadora said. "Shut up."
"Isadora, calm down." Regina said.

Isadora didn't even look at her sister.

"You don't have to yell." Carmelita said. "Cakesniffing orphan."
"Wow, is that all you got?" Isadora asked.

Carmelita frowned. "Tomboy."
"Now, that's offensive, but I can handle it."

Carmelita was quiet for a while, as if she was thinking. Then, she smirked.

"You're always so mad, cakesniffer." she said. "I guess that makes sense for people like you."
"People like me?" Isadora asked.
"Yeah... lesbians tend to be more aggressive."

Isadora flew up from her seat. She was breathing heavily.

"You are a lesbian, aren't you?" Carmelita asked, and then looked at Regina. "Isn't she?"

Regina looked panicked. Isadora had told her that she was, but Regina knew that telling someone's sexuality without that person's approval is not nice. So, Regina didn't know what to reply. She just looked down on the floor.

"Your sister can't answer." Carmelita said. "That means it's true."
"Oh, that's it!" Isadora screamed.

She tackled Carmelita onto the ground. She started to punch her as much as she could. Her siblings and friends looked shocked. Some students turned around to see what was happening. Some people screamed "Fight! Fight!"

"Isadora!" Regina screamed. "Stop it."
"She deserves this!" Isadora cried.
"No, stop!" 

Regina pushed her sister off Carmelita. She then held Carmelita's head closely. Isadora had really punched her hard, because she had a nosebleed and several brushes around the entire face.

"Are you okay?" Regina asked.
"Get away from me, cakesniffer!" Carmelita screamed and pushed Regina away. She then ran out of the cafeteria.

"Isadora, why did you hit her?" Regina yelled.
"Why are you taking her side?" Isadora yelled back. 
"You shouldn't hit people!"
"Says the most feral of the bunch! What has happened to you, Reggie?"
"What has happened to you?"
"Are you trying to be less chaotic just because you're convincing yourself that you're in love with Klaus?"

Klaus jumped as Isadora said that. Duncan felt a jealousy streaming through him.

"What if I am in love with him?" Regina growled, "Why are you saying that I don't?"
"Haven't you noticed? You took Carmelita's side immediately! Didn't you hear what she said to me?"
"Yes, but that's not an excuse to beat her up!"
"Are you even listening to yourself?"

The two girls turned to the tables, where now only Duncan and Carroll sat.

"Where's the Baudelaires?" Isadora asked.
"They had to see Vice Principal Nero right away, remember?" Carroll said.

Duncan stood up. He walked to Isadora.

"I'm sorry, Regina." he said, "But i'm with Isadora. You shouldn't take Carmelita's side, and you're not in love with Klaus!"

Carroll nodded at his. "Yes, Isadora hurt her physically. That's not good. But Carmelita hurt Isadora mentally. That's going to leave a scar longer than some bruises."

He walked up to Regina.

"And, just so you know... I observe everything. I know more than you think I do. Don't hide from your feelings."

And so, the three Quagmires walked away with the fourth one still standing.

Everything was going to be much, much worse...