confused_android
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"The anxiety, it's uh, pretty unpleasant.”
That's an understatement. A week and a half earlier, he'd stormed out of the house with his jaw clenched, and needed to walk around the neighborhood for close to half an hour before his heart had stopped pounding and he'd gotten the prickle of tears out of his eyes enough that he could go back home. Trent had been patiently waiting on the couch, a record playing and the lights dimmed, and told Ted that he needed help.
Ted grits his teeth at the memory. Help. Help that Trent couldn't give him. That he couldn't ask from Trent.
He shakes his head and looks back at Dr. Arnold. “I wasn't going to come, I'll be honest. I'm not much for therapy.”
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“Breakin’ into your stash, huh?”
Trent opens his eyes to peer muzzily up at Ted. “I had a day,” he says, petulant, and Ted can’t help but chuckle and lean down to kiss him again.
“I’ll bet, sweetheart.” He looks around until he spots the ashtray on the windowsill, most of a joint propped on the edge and a green lighter just beside it. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
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Ted scrubs the palms of his hands on the side of his pants one more time, then sticks his head into the locker room. There’s the usual post-practice chaos, boys wandering in and out of the showers in various states of undress, chatting and sharing memes.
“Hey, Sam.”
Sam looks up immediately while patting some kind of smooth towel thing on his wet hair. Ted’s not sure what it’s called, but maybe he can find out sometime. “Yes, Coach?”
“Come on in here when you get a sec, yeah? No, no rush, you can finish your beauty regimen. Just gimme a few minutes of your time when you’re done.”
“Yes, Coach!”
_____
Ted has to have told Sam about bringing Jamie back to Richmond. He just must have. This is it.
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"Trent, please," Ted begs. "Please."
"We've got all day, darling," Trent murmurs. "I'm not going anywhere."
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Trent ruins Ted, and it's exactly what Ted needs.
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I'm so sorry that you have to have a body by confused_android
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
09 Jul 2023
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"I'm coming in," Dirk says, not bothering to knock. Todd glares at him, sweating and red faced, and lobs a damp tissue dangerously close to Dirk's feet in revenge.
"Get out," he says. "I'm going to get you sick."
"I have a perfect immune system," Dirk says flippantly. "I never get sick."
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The Gang Gets Sick
Recent series
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Dirk Gently Prompt Fics by confused_android
Fandom: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
07 Feb 2023
- Words:
- 23,557
- Works:
- 13
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Trent loses the last three years to amnesia and can't figure out where overly-familiar American football coach Ted Lasso fits into his life.
Bookmarked by confused_android
26 Oct 2025
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Trent Crimm, historically, does not date nice men. Therefore, Trent Crimm does not realize he is in love with Ted Lasso until he explodes his entire career for him in an absolutely absurd series of personal and professional choices and then wears leopard print shoes in public. There's not much Trent Crimm can't overcome with a quip and a smirk--except, apparently, one Kansas man with a backpack.
Series
- Part 1 of I Get a Kick out of You
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,515
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 104
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- 1,413
- Bookmarks:
- 206
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- 12,075
Bookmarked by confused_android
15 Oct 2025
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Newcomer Roy Kent is an overhyped, so-called prodigy whose unbridled rage and mediocre talent rendered his Premier League debut a profound disappointment.
It had been a lie. Almost twenty years since and Trent still remembers. Roy Kent had indeed been full of unbridled rage, but even to Trent’s young, cocky, hyper-critical eye, there was no way he could fairly be called mediocre. Not then. Not ever.
Bookmarked by confused_android
19 May 2025
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“Sorry, what exactly is it you’re doing with Trent?”
“We are having ourselves a party.” Ted holds onto his backpack straps and hopes that answer is good enough, which of course it’s not. Rebecca’s office is where gossip goes to die, resuscitate, and die again.
“Of course, but when two unmarried men, one of them openly gay, decide to throw a party together for no reason, it does lead people to wonder if there’s an announcement around the corner.”
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A lonely, lovesick Ted decides to throw a party.
Bookmarked by confused_android
25 Sep 2024
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“You’ve got to slow down, Ted, Jesus. Sucking on your finger, cream-based puns…” He trails off. Now he’s done it, blatantly flirting with a straight Midwestern man. He’s a disaster. Ted would never.
Except then Ted is dragging his wet pointer finger across his lower lip and looking at Trent like he would. “Crimm de Trenthe. It was right there waiting for me this whole time, just had to tease it out a little. You ever get that feeling, Trenthe?”
Trent feels like he’s going insane.
Bookmarked by confused_android
20 Sep 2024