Chapter Text
“Gavin?”
Gavin jolted sharply in the passengers seat of his car, wincing as he hit his knee in the process. His eyes were heavy in a way he recognised as having been half asleep. Which honestly was so much fucking worse than being either awake or asleep. The fucking micro-sleep’s his body forced on him was far worse than the effects of being awake.
He must not have made any move to actually answer the android as Nines laid a hand on his leg, “Gavin, we’re at your apartment. You should rest, come on.” He’d known Nines long enough to realise that arguing with him wouldn’t go anywhere. Besides – the fuck else was he going to do? Sit in his car outside his apartment complex in the cold? Yeah, maybe not. He wasn’t that fucking mental.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m going. See you at work tomorrow or some shit, plastic.” Gavin was halfway out the car before his thought process actually caught up with the events which were taking place, “Wait. This is my fucking car!” He ducked down to look into the car and glare as he spoke from where he stood outside.
“Correct, I can see you obtained your rank of detective for your astute powers of observation.” Nines replied flatly, getting out of the drivers side door and watching Gavin over the roof of the car.
“Then are you fucking walking to your place or what? You live fucking ages away?”
“I don’t believe I ever suggested I was going back to my residence, Detective.” He tilted his head ever so slightly and leant against the car as he regarded Gavin over the roof, “I intend on ensuring you rest.”
Gavin felt his brain stutter to a halt, not a difficult feat considering the speed he was processing information anyway. His thoughts, fucking damn them, jumped to some very interesting – and totally fucking wrong – conclusions.
“How the fuck are you going to ‘ensure I rest’?” He spat the words out before he had taken the time to consider what he was saying.
“I suspect a hard hit to the head would work, however I may lose my badge – so if you have any other ideas please enlighten me.” Nines gave one of the small smiles that were the closest he came to outright grinning, but he hadn’t fully lost the softness that he’d been treating Gavin with before, “Now, would you care to lead the way? I fear you may pass out standing up if we continue this.”
“Lead the- You can’t just fucking stay at my apartment, Nines!” Gavin dragged a hand over his face, because, fuck, if he had to admit it Nines was right – there was every chance he may just pass out standing up soon. Apparently he had finally reached the point where anxiety, paranoia, caffeine and sugar could no longer keep him functioning. At least his weren’t racing or throwing him into a pit of self-deprecation now. No, now they were far too focused on ignoring the reasons that he didn’t want the android in his apartment for the night. Or was it the reasons he did want the android in his apartment? Fuck, no. Stop.
“You have been…unwell for a number of days now, Detective, and I am concerned for your wellbeing should you continue like this. Please, Gavin. You need to sleep.” That look in his blue eyes and the concerned frown pulling at Nines’ face was back, and fuck – Gavin really must have been too fucking tired if he really thought Nines had said that.
“Yeah, fuck, fine. Shit.” He rubbed at his gritty, itching eyes as he turned and walked to the elevator out of the underground parking complex. He heard Nines lock the car and follow behind, hyper aware of the sound of Nines stupid fucking dress shoes clicking with each step and reverberating in the parking structure.
Nines hasn’t been to my place before has he? Shit, how have we worked together for two months without meeting here at least once? We’ve been to bars, Nines place, shit – everywhere but here.
That would be because you have fantasised about fucking him before and him being at the apartment would make that oh so much closer to reality, a part of his brain that Gavin suddenly wanted to gouge out helpfully reminded him at the exact moment that they were forced into close proximity in the enclosed elevator. Made all the better by the fact that Gavin fucking hated elevators. He felt himself begin to fidget again.
“Why live on the ninth floor if you have a fear of elevators, Detective?”
“Because I can afford the rent and fuck if I’m giving up this place. I don’t trust that I’d be able to even find another apartment, do you know how shit real estate is?” Gavin scoffed slightly, he looked over at Nines standing close beside him. Nines had that look in his eye that very obviously gave away the fact he was scanning. “We used to make jokes about that shit when I was a kid, eternally damned to scraping by renting and having worthless fucking qualifications. Funny, we were right.”
“Then perhaps the fact you have a job is testament to your expertise, detective.” The elevator pinged and the doors opened noisily, Nines stepped out first, “Now if you would only get some rest then perhaps you’d be able to focus at said job.”
“Prick.” He muttered as he followed the android, the android who shouldn’t actually know which apartment he lived in and yet was walking straight towards the correct door. He really shouldn’t be surprised anymore. Nines stopped infront of his door and waited until Gavin unlocked the door and they both entered the dark apartment.
Immediately they were greeted by a two-feline chorus of endless meowing. Despite his love for the cats, the noise was grating to Gavin’s tired ears and prompted a stab of pain at his temples. He raised his left hand to his head while slapping the wall attempting to find the light switch. Eventually the light turned on.
“Yeah, yeah, I know you’re hungry, hang on a minute – and please shut the fuck up.”
For what must have been like the millionth time today Gavin was prevented from walking away by Nines hand. He pulled back on Gavin’s upper arm just enough to prompt him to make eye contact.
“Go to bed immediately. I can feed your cats.”
“I can fucking look after this shit on my own you know, you don’t even need to be here.” Gavin wanted to be angry at the android sticking his nose in – he was always pissed when someone tried to look after him – but he couldn’t bring himself to lace any real venom into his words.
“Perhaps I want to be here, Gavin. Now sleep. I will be here should you require anything, and I shall try and prevent you’re felines from waking you too early in the morning –,” Psychic fucking- how’d he know the cats wake me up? “I’ve heard you complain about them enough times, before you ask how I knew.” Gavin made no attempt to shrug out of Nines gentle grip as he spoke, Nines features softened, “Now please rest.” The android released his hold on Gavin and moved past Gavin into the apartment, the two cats nearby, one black and one grey tabby, followed Nines to the kitchen. The black cat weaved around Nines legs as soon as he came to a stop. Traitors.
Gavin lasted all of two hours in bed, just over an hour of that having been spent lying awake, leg bouncing even as he lay in the dark room. He wasn’t certain what he was more concerned about – having nightmarish flashbacks in his sleep, or the possibility that he may end up dreaming about the android in the other room. It wouldn’t be a first for either of those things, but one of them bothered him far more with the knowledge of Nines proximity.
His answer came when he bolted upright in bed, tufts of hair plastered to his forehead with cold sweat, heart rate pushed even higher than the caffeine had already done during the day, breaths coming in short bursts as his eyes darted around the room – looking for that glass bottle that he was certain was about to be thrown his way.
Light filtered in from the living room as the door opened, the silhouetted figure of someone stood in the door way. Gavin was pretty sure they said something. He was too busy looking for something to defend himself to hear.
Raise your arms. Hide in a corner. Be small. Curl up and hope the kicks don’t hit the bruises that are still there. Wait, no. That wasn’t right, I’m not a ten year old kid anymore. I’m a cop, I have a gun, I can defend myself. Just need to get back, get away, get distance, get-
He was blindly fumbling around at the side of the bed, trying to recall where the fuck he left his firearm when the figure came to a stop in front of him and dropped down low and grasped Gavin’s wrists firm enough to still his fumbling, but also gentle. Far gentler than that particular foster father, softer than that. No it wasn’t him, it wasn’t-
“Gavin,” The tone was smooth and gentle, almost calming. Gavin stopped darting his eyes around the room and instead focused on the source of the voice, on the icy blue light that hovered there in the dark, “Gavin, it was a nightmare. It’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you.” The voice continued to shush soothingly as Gavin came down from the fear that had gripped him and began to put the previous night together in his mind. An immeasurable amount of time passed with quiet shushing being the only sound before Gavin could finally connect the dots and realise who was there.
“Nines?”
“Back with me again, I see.” Gavin could hear the slightest of smiles in the tone but he could only barely see the slight glint of light on teeth in the darkness of the room.
“Phck.” His eye still felt heavy and itchy, still exhausted, but with the tension in his muscles he knew he would have a hard time getting any more rest now.
“Eloquent as ever. Your heartrate is greatly increased, you appear to have experienced a nightmare.”
“Yeah, no shit, Nines. This is why I didn’t want to fucking sleep. Shit.” Nines was still knelt on the floor and holding Gavin’s wrists. He attempted to shake off the android’s hands as he swung his legs around to get out of bed, it was to little avail, as Nines seemed adamant to keep a hold of him. “Mind letting me the fuck out of bed, plastic prick?” There was no real negative feeling in the name anymore, he had stopped using it directly as an insult a month or so ago, “I need some fucking coffee to keep me awake after that.”
“You have had only an hour of sleep at best, you should get more rest.”
“And have shitty dreams? How about no. Why the fuck are you even here, anyway? Why’s it matter to you whether I fucking sleep?” Gavin struggled against Nines hands until they released. Gavin shuffled back slightly, still feeling tense and jittery from his nightmare, some part of him still screaming that he should be on edge, expect an attack, expect something to take advantage of how he couldn’t see in the light and cause him harm.
“It matters because I am concerned about you. You- your performance at work has been-“
“Should have fucking figured you were bothered about work shit, you’re as bad as Fowler.”
“I am not just here because I am your work partner, even if you have been of little use on the case recently-“ Gavin scoffed at the androids candour, “I am worried about your health. You must sleep at some point. I would prefer it be while I was present, so I know you are alright.” Gavin wished he could see Nines face better to get an idea of whether he really was worried or it was just a lie. Both him and his doppelganger were only ever bothered about completing their damned missions, closing cases. Gavin doubted that Nines concern ran any deeper than that. Gavin opened his mouth to fire back a harsh comment about something or other but the words died on his lips as he only half saw movement at the side of his face in the darkness before a cool hand came to rest on his head, pushing back damp hair. “I can see you doubting me, but I am not lying. Please, sleep, for your health. And my peace of mind.”
“Yeah, as if I’m gonna fucking calm down enough to-”
For the second time, words died on his lips, as Nines lifted his hand ever so slightly and pulled it back so he could begin a repetitive stroking of Gavin’s hair. He felt the tension in his muscles ease at the action, feeling his shoulders drop and his mind quiet. He released a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding.
“That calmed you down.” Nines sounded mildly confused by his own observation, hand hesitating and freezing in place. Gavin wanted to complain.
No, I can’t complain, that’s the same as asking him to keep going. That’s crossing a fucking line! I can’t fucking sit and let an android fucking pet me to sleep like I’m the fucking cats!
Or I could be selfish?
“Well no shit, don’t fucking stop doing it then.”
Nines hummed slightly in response, and fuck Gavin really wished he could actually see the android’s expressions. He may not be the most emotive but somewhere along the way in their partnership at the DPD he had learnt to read even the subtle facial expressions Nines displayed. “Move over a little, perhaps I can help you sleep.”
Remember that fucking line? This is it, this isn’t just crossing it – this is fucking vaulting over it!
He moved over nonetheless, the mattress dipping as Nines sat down, back leaning against the headboard, legs stretched before him and one hand still in Gavin’s hair. This won’t end well, Nines’ll figure it out. Figure out I’m fucking attracted to him. Figure out- Fuck it. He shifted clumsily in order to lean into Nines side, blaming his extraordinary lack of impulse control and common sense on exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Nines, for better or worse, made no complaint at the action, instead shifting to accommodate it as Gavin hid his face in Nines shirt as the repetitive stroking fingers in his hair resumed.
“What the fuck am I doing?” Gavin murmered under his breath, quiet and scorning himself. He didn’t really expect the android to answer.
“Question it after you have rested. I’ll be here to wake you up if you have another nightmare.”
They didn’t talk again after that, and Gavin found himself falling asleep quickly, lulled by the warmth (who knew androids were warm?) of Nines.
When he jolted awake again the fear wasn’t as paralysing as before. From the moment he opened his eyes he was aware of the warmth that surrounded him and the welcome weight of arms holding him, and the soothing murmurs of Nines voice that he recognised instantly.
“You came out of it quicker this time.” Gentle and factual.
“Guess so.” Gavin couldn’t find the words to give any more of a reply, instead leaving it at that. He was huddled in closer the Nines than he had been when he fell asleep, now having one of his arms wrapped around Nines waist. Why the fuck was he allowing this? “You must really be pissed about my productivity at work if you’re letting me hug you while I sleep.”
A slight bitterness clung to his words, he really would prefer it if what he was saying were untrue, would prefer the idea that Nines was actually there for a reason like he said before. He couldn’t just take that at face value though. So he left Nines an out in his words, something that Nines could agree to easily that would let Gavin know to write off their proximity as Nines dedication to his job.
“I’m more pissed at the fact that I’ve told you numerous times that I am concerned about you and yet you refuse to accept it.”
So much for the out. The closeness of them hit Gavin like a brick suddenly. Cuddled up, in his bed, in what must have been the early morning, Nines still running his fingers through Gavin’s hair as they spoke in hushed voices as if not to disturb the peace and atmosphere of the morning. It all felt so fucking domestic and painful, because Gavin hadn’t felt his close to anyone in he life. But fuck if that part of Gavin that wanted this closeness with Nines to be for romantic reasons on both their parts didn’t also cause pain. Because that wouldn’t happen. Nines couldn’t be there for Gavin like that. That thought hurt.
“I’m here because I want to be.”
“Why?”
“Because I care about you.” Nines stated factually, as if it was blatantly obvious. “It hurt me to see you the way you’ve been recently. I felt I needed to do something to help.” And that felt like the nail in the fucking coffin. The pain from an unrequited need to be closer was near unbearable and – and just fuck it. Worst case scenario, Nines hated him and they could pretend this never happened, go back to normal.
Gavin surged up, the hand in his hair fell away at the sudden movement as he was grabbing for Nines collar and fumbling in the dark, other hand finding Nines jaw to use as a reference. He pressed their lips together. Clumsy, and perhaps a little rough and needy because apparently sleeping on the android of Gavin’s few and far between good dreams made Gavin throw all caution out of the window like that.
Nines seemed frozen, making no movements, no attempt to return the kiss. And suddenly the reality of how shit an idea that had been crashed down on Gavin like a ton of bricks. He pulled back suddenly, laying his hands on Nines’ chest to hold him upright and out of Nines face.
“Phck. Nines, I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have-”
Nines didn’t let him finish the sentence, fingers tangling into Gavin’s hair and pulling Gavin back down and into a second kiss, softer and sweet, even with the insistent pressure of Nines hand on the back of Gavin’s head that made it clear that he didn’t want Gavin to leave. Gavin didn’t complain. He had dreamt about kissing Nines before, and had always woken up slightly disturbed at himself for it. He didn’t feel that now. He didn’t feel any clawing thoughts warning him that he was making a mistake, or to be careful, to be on edge for danger. Instead his usually racing thoughts had nothing to complain about, instead leaving Gavin revelling in the moment and allowing time to pass around them until his lungs burned with the need for oxygen. He could almost hear a faint grunt of annoyance from Nines at the loss. They sat, Gavin half on top of Nines at this point, foreheads pressed together for a few moments as Gavin took deep breaths.
“You actually mean it don’t you? You really were concerned?”
“Yes,” it came out as a breathy laugh, “I do not make a habit of lying to you, Gavin. We can talk about this in the morning. You still need rest.”
For the first time in days, Gavin realised he wasn’t anxious about the dreams and memories that haunted his mind, as Nines guided them both down to lie on the mattress. Gavin ensured to keep a handful of Nines shirt within his grasp as they manoeuvred around eachother into a comfortable position. He was loath the let go of the android, as if he may disappear.
“I’ll be here when you wake.” The statement may have seemed an obvious one since Gavin was practically on top of the android’s solid form and Nines would have trouble getting out from underneath him without waking Gavin. And yet, it was still a soothing one, soothing enough that Gavin felt he could loosen his death grip on Nines shirt, soothing enough that as he laid down his head against Nines chest and could hear a faint thud in there – Gavin found himself for the first time in years not afraid of the dreams that awaited him in sleep.