Chapter Text
Jean
Jean's limbs felt heavy and warm when he woke up. His eyes felt like lead weights and so he opted not to open them. He had slept without a nightmare for the first time he could remember without having been injured to the point of unconsciousness first. He shifted to bury his face deeper into his pillow when the pillow didn't give the way he had expected it to. And something tickled his nose, hair, he realized with a jolt. His own was still too short and patchy after having most of it pulled out by Riko.
His eyes snapped open. To see Jeremy's soft bronze curls and sleeping face right next to his own. The pillow he had been trying to bury his face had been Jeremy. He sat up abruptly in shock, causing Jeremy to stir slightly and start to wake up.
He blinked sleepily at Jean, warm brown eyes still slightly glazed.
"Oh," he said sitting up and rubbing at his eyes. "You're awake, what time is it?"
Jean just stared at him, "Um…"
He made a face "I have to pee anyway, be right back." Jeremy left the room leaving Jean staring after him bewildered.
By the time Jeremy had come back, announcing it was after 5:00 they had slept for over 10 hours, he remembered what had happened.
He remembered watching Jeremy wake up early and feeling so exhausted from going days without sleep. He remembered Jeremy's calm acceptance of his days without speaking a single word. His offer to watch over him while he slept, and wake him from any nightmares. A venture that had ended in barely an hour of sleep and him lashing out and punching Jeremy's face when he had to touch him to pull him out of a nightmare.
The terrible clawing guilt at having hurt Jeremy one of the few people who had ever shown him kindness came rushing back. Why? Why didn't Jeremy leave then or hit him back? He had apologized to him instead, for touching him at all. He'd leaned his face into his hand and looked at him with so much trust when he had pressed ice to his cheek. He couldn't understand it.
When he had been falling apart, ripped to shreds after the memories of being violated, Jeremy had asked to hold him. He had held him in his arms and let him cry into his shoulder, without asking for an explanation. He had let Jean cling to him like a child, soothing him and rubbing his back, so gentle and careful not to touch his hair. He had been so careful with him, so gentle and tender.
Jean had fallen asleep in his arms. And Jeremy had stayed, he had held Jean and let himself be held in turn, while Jean had slept. He had slept so well. He had slept better and longer than he had ever had since entering the Nest, without nightmares for the first time he could remember. The rest felt unfamiliar, almost dizzying, the sweet lethargy that had filled him had been washed away and he felt refreshed. It was almost intoxicating.
"Thank you," he told him softly, "I… haven't slept that well ever. Not that long and never without nightmares."
Jeremy smiled at him as bright as the sun. "Anytime, sometimes having someone there helps. I know I sleep better next to someone, I haven't slept that well either since..." Jeremy's smile fell slightly before putting one back on that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Well in a while."
Jean wondered what it was that had made Jeremy's smile slip, what had made him sad. He immediately loathed whatever was the cause. He also wondered if what Jeremy had said was true, he doubted another's presence in his bed would bring him any peace given his history, given what his nightmare of memories had been about. But it wasn’t like anyone had stayed after, he was always left alone and cold. He wondered if it had been a one-off, because he had been so exhausted or if it was something to do with Jeremy himself. Everything about Jeremy was tender and soft dapples of sunlight. He yearned for his presence and for more than he could possibly have.
He felt himself craving the contact again. It had been nice, gentle, he had had so few kind touches in his life. He quickly reminded himself that Jeremy would be repulsed if he knew. If he knew the disgusting things that Jean had done and had done to him. He would regret holding him, touching him at all. Jeremy was like sunlight, Jean was worse than nothing, he glanced at the slight bruise forming on Jeremy's face and felt sick. He could only destroy and taint Jeremy's light.
"Hey, you good?" Jeremy asked concerned, of course, he was concerned. He would be, Jeremy was the strangest person he had ever met. His experience with people outside the Nest had been limited to the foxes, so it wasn't in comparison to a lot of people. But Jeremy was like an odd combination of Renee, and the loud one, Nicky. He had all the compassion and kindness of Renee but with less darkness and danger about him. He had all the joy and exuberance of Nicky, but was softer somehow, more respectful of boundaries like Renee again. He was something else, a Trojan, not a Fox, and certainly not a Raven. He had sadness in him, Jean could see that, but it wasn't quite like foxes, and he wasn't angry, violently vengeful like the Ravens.
"I am better thanks to you."
"You must be hungry, we missed breakfast and lunch. So we are having a big dinner, I'll make something quick and then I'll order take out." He said and Jean followed him to the kitchen to help, not wanting to risk Jeremy making anything other than cereal without someone there to intervene if things went awry.
It was, to Jean's relief, cereal and Jeremy called up for pizza delivery while the two settled down to eat on the couch while watching a film with the yellow banana-like creatures with the overalls and glasses.
"Are they part banana these minions?" he asked, "it is one of the few comprehensible words they say."
Jeremy burst out laughing turning to Jean with a grin. "I'm not sure, but I love the idea that they are highly evolved or mutated bananas"
"Perhaps it was a radioactive incident. The long nose man seems like he might be careless with radioactive materials and fruit."
Jeremy laughed harder, clutching his stomach his eyes bright and shining. He looked at him like he was worth the world, and Jean felt an unfamiliar tugging sensation in his gut, which he ignored.
"I need to hear all of your thoughts and theories on everything. They are amazing and definitely correct" He got out through his laughter. He got up to get the door and retrieve the pizza. Which he plopped on the table before flopping down on the couch closer than before.
"So this pizza is just for you, and this one we can share, and this one's mine but you can have some if you want. But it’s got pineapple on it though, so you may hate it."
“Why would you put fruit on pizza?”
“It’s good,” Jeremy mumbled through a mouth full of food. “Isn’t putting honey on pizza something people do in France? It’s kinda the same thing.”
“It is not. I will take your word for it on the pineapple.”
Jean took a piece of his own and started eating it remembering Jared's words about eating more. It was delicious. He gave Jeremy a thumbs up of approval. And Jeremy resumed the movie.
Jean ate some more pizza, finishing a whole box to his surprise as they watched the cartoon. He felt a moment of envy for the three little girls who found a home, a family and someone who loved and cared for them. He ignored it, he had long since given up on having those things for himself.
Then Jeremy smiled at him again and he was the sun, and Jean could not help but be pulled into his orbit.