Chapter Text
Maria woke up the next morning to a busy house.
She vaguely remembered that sometime during the night she'd woken up, possibly screaming, and that Laura had come in and sat with her until she fell back asleep.
There was that nice, ten, twenty second reprieve as Maria opened her eyes that morning. As she woke up and her brain kicked into action.
Twenty seconds of just being awake, not remembering, not thinking about Natasha.
But then the twenty seconds was up and Maria sat up in bed, pulling her knees to her chest as it hit her all over again.
Would this be what it was like from now on? Reliving her wife's death over and over and over every single time she woke up until she went to sleep at night?
Jeez, she needed a drink. Or ten. Maybe eleven if she was pushing it.
A quick glance at the clock told the woman that it was already past eleven in the morning, which explained the crazy house.
She heard hushed voices outside the door then, Lila very sternly whispering, "mama said do not disturb Auntie Ria."
"But she missed breakfast." A soft voice lisped, "what if she's hungry?"
Lila sighed. "Nate, Auntie Ria isn't feelin' so good, okay?"
"I know," the boy replied, "that's why I wanna go in."
Lila groaned softly and there was the sound of shuffling feet. "Here's the deal, we're gonna look in and if she's asleep, we're going back down. If she's awake, we're gonna ask if she wants breakfast, not barge in there."
Maria's heart hurt.
Letting out a shaky breath, she tried to force a smile as the door very slowly creaked open and two faces poked their way around it.
"Morning, guys." She said quietly, cringing at the hoarseness of her own voice.
"See, Lila, Auntie Ria is up." Nate began to clamber into the room before stopping suddenly, biting his lip, as if remembering the deal with Lila.
Maria didn't ever want the kids to look like that again. Like they were afraid to talk to her or come into her room, for fear of upsetting her.
"Well Auntie Ria's still waking up so how about before coming down to eat, you guys hop up here with me?" Maria patted the bed beside her.
Nate instantly ran forward, jumping up onto the bed, crawling until he was pressed against Maria's side.
Lila looked a little more hesitant.
"You don't have to, Li." Maria said softly. "But if you want to, I would like it."
Lila nodded, slowly moving towards the bed. She got up on Maria's other side, laying back against the pillows.
The girl's eyes were misty and as she looked at Maria, the agent saw that her lower lip was trembling.
"Hey, what's going on, love?" Maria asked, carefully cupping the girl's jaw.
"I..." Lila sniffled and closed her eyes for a minutes. "I know we used to come in in the mornings all the time and sometimes it would just be you or...Or Auntie Nat but...now...now..." she hiccuped, shoulders shaking as Nate cautiously peaked around Maria, looking sad.
"I know." Maria whispered, pulling Lila to her side, leaning her chin against the girl's head. "I know. It hurts so much to realize the last times."
Eight years earlier
Maria woke to multiple elbows digging into her side.
Blinking, she shuffled a little to the side to find herself sandwiched between her wife and three kids.
Natasha grinned over at her, “morning.”
“Mmm, good morning. And good morning to you, little monster.” Maria laughed, gently tickling under a two year old Nate’s chin. The boy squealed and laughed, his fingers jabbing at her neck in an attempt to mimic the action.
“That’s not how you do it, Natey, this is how you do it!” Cooper proclaimed, leaping on Natasha, fingers skirting down the woman’s side, causing Natasha to burst out laughing, the most beautiful sound in the world to Maria.
And then, somehow they found themselves in the mists of one hell of a tickle fight.
Natasha went for Lila, Lila went for Maria, Maria went for Nate and Cooper and Nate did his best, still more just jabbing his fingers into places.
It was a perfect morning.
"We're never gonna come in and...and spend the morning with Auntie Nat ever again." Lila sobbed, making Maria's heart break anew.
"I know, Baby girl." She whispered, tugging Nate onto her lap so he could reach out to his sister too. "It hurts like hell and I can't tell you it's going to get easier because...I have no idea if it will. But you're not alone in your thoughts, in your feelings, we're all going through it."
"I love you so much." Lila whispered against her shoulder, fingers curled into her shirt.
"I love you too, Li." Maria whispered, squeezing her eyes shut
…
The day passed quite pleasantly.
Maria helped Nate with his spelling, drew with Lila, played catch with Cooper, helped Laura with lunch and Clint with the animals.
It was nice, fun even, but there was always that weight on her chest, the knowledge that something, someone, was missing and always would be.
As the sun set, Maria swung absently in the bench outside the front door, gazing across the colored sky.
She wasn’t alone for long, Clint and Laura sitting either side of her as the kids enjoyed a film inside.
Sure, Maria had spent days with the Barton family alone before, if Natasha was on mission or wasn’t able to make the trip, but there was that constant niggling in her mind at how different it was.
She always knew that Natasha would join her soon, either at the farm, back at their apartment, or at Shield.
Now, that would never happen again. No waiting for her wife to come home.
Maria said nothing as the pair joined her, just ran her fingers over Liho’s fur, watching as the sun went down.
Laura disappeared inside for a few moments, coming out with three glasses of something.
“Sparkling cider, non-alcoholic.” She said softly, passing a glass to Maria and one to Clint before re-taking her seat to the left of Maria.
“I thought it was about time we shared a drink to Nat.” The woman said quietly, clinking her glass with the other two.
Maria could feel that well inside her opening up again.
“She loved the sunset here.” Maria murmured, taking a sip of the drink. “Said it was better than any she’d seen all over the world.”
Clint hummed, leaning back. “It is pretty perfect.”
“It’s just missing her.” Maria whispered, hand shaking around the glass.
“Then let’s just sit here and remember her for a while.” Laura said, her free hand slipping into Maria’s as Clint wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“To Nat.” Maria breathed, fresh tears on her cheeks as the sun dipped low.
“To Nat.” The others reiterated.
…
Maria headed up to bed a few hours later, shoulders slumped and chest aching.
She burrowed herself under the covers without changing or brushing her teeth, holding her hand up to the moonlight coming in through the window.
The light glinted off her ring, as she remembered the day Natasha had given her it.
11 years earlier
Maria came home that night to find Natasha pottering around in the kitchen. The table was set, candles lit, an open bottle of wine waiting for her.
The perfect end to a shitty day, she thought, not realizing it could get even better.
She poured a glass of red wine as she waited for Nat to appear from the kitchen
She couldn’t help the wide smile that crossed her face as Natasha came out, carrying fresh plates of her favorite pasta dish ever, a recipe she’d picked up in Italy at least five years ago.
“Hey love.” The redhead murmured, leaning down to kiss Maria.
“Mm, hi baby.” Maria grinned, tugging the front of the apron Natasha wore until she was sitting in her lap.
They ate like that, sharing forkfuls of food in the candlelight, talking and talking and talking until the candles died out and they were left with only the moonlight to see one another.
“There’s something I want to show you.” Natasha murmured, pulling herself off the woman’s lap and holding out her hand.
Natasha seemed nervous and she definitely did not do nervous, so interest piqued, Maria followed the redhead to their bedroom.
“Look at the dressing table.” Natasha told her, holding that air of mystery that had first pulled Maria to her, stunning good looks aside, of course.
Following the directions, Maria found herself looking at the most beautiful bouquet of flowers she’d ever seen.
“Oh Nat, they’re beautiful.” She breathed, picking them up and inhaling deeply. “But what’s the occasion?”
She turned to find Nat down on one knee on the floor, a small black box in her hand. The redhead’s cheeks were flushed and she had the most beautiful smile on her face.
Maria’s heart beat faster.
“The occasion is I love you.” Natasha said quietly.
“Nat…” Mari whispered, unable to say much more due to the lump in her throat.
“I thought it was time,” Natasha said softly, flicking open the box to reveal a stunning silver ring, with something etched into it that Maria couldn’t quite see.
“So, Maria Hill, will you marry me?” Natasha’s eyes were misty.
Maria stammered through words until she found the right ones. “Fucking hell, Nat, as if you have to ask, get up here.” She tugged at the woman’s hand until they were face to face.
Maria put absolutely everything into that kiss, holding the love of her life close to her.
“Is that a yes?” Natasha asked teasingly, trailing kisses up her jaw.
“Yes. Of course it’s yes, Nat, a thousand times yes.” Maria breathed.
“Good.” Natasha hummed, eyes wide as she held out the ring, slipping it onto Maria’s finger.
It fit perfect and up close, the agent could see that the engraving was of a tiny spider. The date they’d met beside it.
It was beautiful.
It was perfect.
…
They married one month later at a safe house in Hawaii. The women had no blood family and the whole thing was very small. Clint, Laura, Phil and Nick were there, and that was all the pair needed.
They made love on the beach that night and it was Maria’s dearest memory. Sand in her hair, hot breath against her skin, the delighted laughter of her wife in her ears.
Heaven.
Maria exhaled, blinking back more tears.
She fell asleep crying, her hand pressed to her chest, the metal against her skin.
…
When she woke, there was someone beside her.
Opening her eyes, Maria expected to find one of the children, but instead she saw red hair and green eyes staring at her intently.
“Hey, Ria, did you miss me?”