Chapter Text
Gavin hated watching the leaves change and fall and the breeze turn cold as the fruits ripened and fell. The chickens and goats were getting their heavier coats for winter. The extra food was processed and put away. The house winterized. The water sources secured.
It was winter and Gavin hated it more than he had ever hated it before. He didn’t want to spend another winter alone. He was tired of being alone. Though he felt he was getting used to it again, unfortunately. He hated having to relearn how to do everything all on his own again. Not to mention dealing with the expanded projects that he only managed to do because Nines had been there with him.
Gavin had used more and more magic to finish tasks, because he simply couldn’t manage to do them on his own. It was infuriating and he never really stopped being hurt or angry. He knew why Nines left and he understood, but that didn’t change the way it broke his heart everyday that he didn’t come back. He’d fucking played himself in everyway he could have and was contanstly paying the price.
He was right, the hope had dried up by winter, leaving him even more bitter than he already was before. Which is why he was sitting at the tavern in the town over aiming at finding the bottom of a bottle several times before bugging Fowler and passing out in a room he’d already paid for in advance.
He hadn’t come to town to get drunk at first. Just to sell some of his stuff and get a few more things he would need for the harsh coastal winters.
“You still need to tell me why the fuck you're so mopey.”
And had wanted to see Tina. The half orc tailor was as close to a best friend as he’d ever had. He adored her, tusks and all. They’d ended up here after he stopped in towards the end of the day to buy a new winter coat, and she’d insisted he’d look too sad. Therefore, alcohol. Funny how things worked out like that.
“I haven’t really wanted to talk about it, Teenie,” He grumbled as he tucked his head into his arms.
She frowned a bit. She hated that nickname, given from both her name and her well below average half orc height. “But you clearly need to. How many more beers do I have to get in you before you spill?”
Gavin rolled his eyes and looked up at Fowler and rolled his eyes, “I think I’d pass out before that.”
“Well, fuck,” Tina said sagely, “Gonna try anyway. Fowler, grab another round for your favourite assholes.”
Fowler rolled his eyes as he grabbed the mugs, “Far from my favourites, but definitely assholes.” Then refilled mugs were placed in front of them.
Tina chuckled at the joke and blew a kiss in his direction, earning her a chuckle from the large elf. She turned back to Gavin as he pushed the now full mug against his arm with nudging persistence. “But seriously, you need to get this off your chest.”
Gavin sighed and it sounded just as broken as he felt. “It’s nothing I shouldn’t be over by now. It’s been months now at least.”
Tina’s eyes widened and she leaned closer. “Would you rather talk about it in the room?” she asked with a soft sincerity that made Gavin heart hurt a bit.
“Maybe…” he looked back towards Fowler and then to the drink as he sat up and popped his back. He got a bit self conscious, and leaned back forward, his forearms resting on the stained bar, his head hanging. He decided maybe talking about it being vague would actually make him feel better. He grabbed the mug and chugged it. Letting out a hiss of air as he set it down, the glass making a clinkv as it was forcefully put down. He looked at Tina and sighed. The heaviness that hasn't left him since his beloved Siren disappeared, settled over his shoulders again. Maybe he could just let it all out. He looked up here with his shiny green eyes.
"Tina, how did you find someone that actually stays? Like... it was never a question whether or not he loved me. He did love me, god he loved me so much... He just... didn't stay," his voice cracked a bit as he forced the words past his dry lips.
There was a silence that followed his question and confession. Even Fowler paused in his motions of cleaning the bar.
"Oh, Gavin," Tina said slowly, compassion leaking into her tone, "I didn't even know you found someone."
"He was shy and it was still warm when he left," he shook his head as he leaned back again. Not able to maintain eye contact anymore. "But it doesn't matter anyway. He's not coming back. That was phcking clear to me by the time the leaves started changing."
Tina gently reached forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"Thanks," Gavin replied listlessly. He didn't have the energy for this any longer. "I think… I think I'm going to call it a night." No amount of drinking could soothe the aching in his chest. The wounds that for some reason just wouldn't fucking heal no matter how much he wanted them to. Or how hard he tried to forget.
Tina nodded, "Let me head that way with you."
Gavin grunted as he climbed off the bar stool and quickly made a move to pay his and Tina's tab. Making sure she wasn't looking when he cleared hers as well. She was too good for him not to do that at the very least. She offered him a hand and pulled him up. He only stumbled a little bit. He wasn't drunk, but he decidedly wasn't sober either.
"Teenie," Gavin mumbled as he leaned into her side. "I just miss him. I wanna know why he wouldn't come home. Why had he felt we were better off apart? He was wrong. He was so wrong, I can barely manage without him now. I miss him so much"
Tina just listened and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Gav." She answered as she started leading him to his room.
There were a few moments of him resisting feeling like he wanted just a few more drinks. He wasn't drunk enough for all the emotions he just pulled to the surface. "Maybe one more drink?" He grumbled.
Time just sighed and pulled him closer and nearly knocked him over, which caused him to end up looking at a corner of the tavern he hadn't glanced at yet.
That's when his world stopped.
Looking at him with wide ocean blue eyes was his siren. Nines was tucked away in the corner of the bar, his head and most of his curls covered by a knit cap and his gills covered by a matching scarf. He just stared and his face tinted that endearing purplish colour as he noticed that Gavin was looking back at him. Noticing that Gavin really saw him. He was frozen and his eyes widened slightly. Panic crossing his gorgeous features.
Gavin's world stopped and he stopped fighting Tina completely. He was just as startled as the siren, both of them frozen in time as they were forced to see each other again in such a fashion.
"Nines…" Gavin said earnestly, barely above a whisper. He could tell that the siren heard him as he reacted with a twitch of his nose. A nervous tick, one that would usually go with his ear fins or gills fluttering as well.
Tina was saying something, but Gavin couldn't hear it over the rushing in his ears. He had to go to Nines. He had to.
He pulled out of her grasp easily despite her protests. He walked towards Nines like a man possessed.
Nines didn't react beyond his eyes widening and him pulling his shoulder closed a bit.
Tina had gone quiet behind them, probably having put the pieces together by that point. Though she didn't make a move to stop what was about to happen.
Gavin walked all the way up to Nines' table and didn't stop as he hovered over the much larger man and watched him scoot back into his seat. "Nines?" He repeated, question in his tone.
Nines blinked, and looked down. Silence followed the words, shame colouring his cheeks.
There were a few moments of silence as Gavin waited for Nines to say something, anything. But nothing left the siren’s mouth. Then Gavin felt the barely contained hurt and rage from the last several months and nights alone fly to the surface as he roared. "You fucking coward!" He reached forward and grabbed Nines by the front of his coat and jerked him out of his chair. It fell with a clatter.
Nines let out a small but shrill startled noise. "Ga… Agh!" He managed to choke out, but was cut off by a sharp jerk from Gavin.
"You're a fucking bastard!" Gavin screamed, "What do you think you're doing here? Huh?" He demanded.
Nines put his hands up and swallowed nervously, his Adam's apple bobbing with the motion. "I… I just wanted a drink." He barely managed to get out.
"Well, phck your drink then!" Gavin replied harshly as he shoved Nines into the table, knocking over said drink in the process. "You've got some fucking nerve being here!"
Nines continued to sputter as wild emotions overtook his face, but still no more words came out of his dry lips.
Then before Gavin could continue to scream, he was pulled roughly back by a large hand. "Enough, Gavin!" The booming voice of Fowler echoed around the mostly quiet tavern. All the attention was on the furious witch and the shy man.
The force of the pull caused Gavin to drop Nines and the siren went crashing to the floor landing in the spilled drink. He let out a few small hiccuping noises either from shock or hurt, Gavin couldn't tell through his rage. Then tears slipped down Nines cheeks, the inky blue colour shocking the witch back to his senses.
There was a small echo of murmurs from the people who were watching the nightly spectacle.
Nines shook his head and quickly wiped at his face scrambling to get up. Slipping clumsily in the split drink before he gained his footing. "I just wanted a drink," he repeated mortified. Then he was bolting for the door, taking several clumsy steps, basically crawling. Incriminating tears pouring down his cheeks.
Gavin was frozen and when the door slammed as Nines bolted reality leaked back into him and the muted sound of the bar exploded back into his focus.
"...n't just beat up some random guy like that!" Tina's voice cut through the fog of his hurt and rage.
"Not random," he responded lamely as he ripped his shoulder out of Fowler's grip and started back towards the door. He was owed an explanation and he was going to get it.
~
Nines was scrambling to get a plan together. All his stuff and supplies were already tucked away in his room for the night and he had no idea how to get there without running into Gavin again.
He was panting and trying desperately to calm his aching heart, frantic breathing, and the yet to stop tears. He didn't know what to do! Gavin just appeared out of nowhere and just potentially outed him as a siren to everyone in the tavern and that basically meant the whole town by the end of the week.
This could ruin everything he's managed to scrape together by himself over the last few months. Just as he turned to hide in the alley next to the tavern he knew he'd been found out before Gavin even said a word.
"Nines! You better fucking stop running or I swear I'm glueing you to the ground literally!" Gavin growled as he appeared at the mouth of the alley.
Nines froze, knowing Gavin was fully capable of fulfilling that threat. He turned around slowly and looked at the man he still loves with his entire being, despite both time and distance. His heart ached as he looked into those seafoam green eyes. The siren just gaped at the witch, unwilling and unsure of how to move forward.
"You just going to stand there? Or are you going to explain yourself?" Gavin growled out, accusation leaking into his words.
Nines filled in the blanks. He spoke up, his voice still small, "you already know my explanation." He’d already explained himself the day he ran.
"Well, it's shit," Gavin growled as he took a step forward, "I want a real one, because if it was still, 'I'm a monster and can't be trusted around people.' Then why the fuck are you at a phcking tavern?"
Nines swallowed nervously, his gills wavering under his scarf. It did look horrible that he’d been at the tavern, then again he’d never expected to see Gavin. "I can't be trusted around you."
"Why, because you love me or something as stupid as that?"
Nines let out a pained chirp, his eyes widening. Words failing him for what felt like the hundredth time that night.
"Don't lie to me either. I already know the truth," Gavin pressed as his anger finally started to melt away. He was shaking as his eyes went to the cobblestone alley. "Tell me why," it came out as a cracked whisper, desperate.
Nines swallowed, and looked down at his feet. "Gavin…You clearly already know… You know that I lo-,” He shook his head, cutting himself off, “Why are you demanding that out of me? And after you outed me to the whole bar that still all think I'm a human. Or at least did." He hissed. The nerves about the future and what that meant for his life now coming to the surface.
"Yeah? Well, you broke my heart!" Gavin snarled looking back up with tears in his eyes.
Nines blinked, his own anger boiling under his skin along with the fear and heartache. "No! You don't get to do that after what you just did! What's gonna happen to me and my life if everyone here shuns me because they know the truth now? Huh? " His tone raised in pitch and panic, "I'm gonna starve! My birds are gonna starve too! All I've ever wanted was a new life and you're always ruining that for me!" He was sobbing in earnest now. He wasn’t even sure where the outburst came from. So much so he had spouted untruths.
Gavin recoiled at the words and the tone. He hadn't expected so much pain from the siren. “Why… Why would that matter? Starve?” He was tripping over his words.
“What? Like you don’t know?” Nines hissed out, his teeth gaining points, “Everyone hates sirens, Gavin. Everyone! Hell, even other sirens most times. People around here find that out and I'm going to have my face on a bounty poster and then I won't be safe on land or the sea!” The outburst was shaking him from the inside out, the silent tears turning into chest rattling sobs. His hands going to his hair, knocking his knit hat off kilter.
Gavin had taken a few steps forward, his drunken features twisting into ones Nines’ hadn’t seen before let alone began to figure out what they meant. He even felt himself wanting to comfort the witch, but the pain twisting in his chest prevented him. He was so fucking hurt and angry.
“I go there and someone from my pod’s gonna find me and then slit my throat in front of my fucking brother! Hell, my guppies! This was my only chance Gavin!” He cried, his legs finally giving out and he collapsed to the filthy stones. His whole body was shaking and most of his transformation was disappearing. All expect his tail fin was shimmering in and out of view.
Nines didn’t notice Gavin come closer until he felt warm hands on his own tangled into his curls. He felt some of the tension leave his body instantly, the touch something he’d missed acutely in the months since he’d ran away.
“Ni,” Gavin said softly as he gently removed the clawed hands from hurting this siren any further, “I’m sorry… I wasn’t thinking back in there. I didn’t think about anything…”
“You don’t usually,” Nines let out a wet chuckle as he loosened the grip and let his hands be moved. His head fell forward and landed against Gavin’s soft chest with a quiet thump. All of his energy having left him. He was never good at staying angry for long. Fuck, he’d missed Gavin so fucking much. Even with him being the rat bastard that he was.
There was a few minutes of silence as they just sat there in the filthy alley. Both of them unable to decide how to move forward. The power of their emotions washing over them. Both of them just slowly processing. Passively holding each other's hands, as if they were the only real things in the world.
Nines couldn't find the words or the strength to break such a silence, but as it turned out, he didn't have to.
"You've got birds you said?" Gavin whispered after what felt like ages. The volume of his words were soft, but that was all it took for the dams to break.
Nines blinked and he felt fresh tears run down his cheeks at the motion. Then his hands held onto Gavin's even tighter. After another second he looked up and smiled despite the tears pouring down his face. He let a small bubble of broken laughter leave his lips. He shook his head and squeezed those hands tighter. "Yeah," the siren finally managed, "I've got birds."
Gavin held back on his hands tighter, gripping with the same force. It was as if he was trying to convey the sheer volume of his feelings that way. "Chickens?" He asked it as if it was the most important question to ever be asked.
Nines nodded, "and ducks."
"That's good," Gavin whispered, "I bet they love you."
Nines took a deep breath to steady himself, "I like to think so."
"I love you."
There was a silence as seafoam green eyes met crystal blue. The world tilting to the left. Nines blinked and a shocked chirp clicked in the back of his throat uselessly.
"I want you to come home," Gavin sputtered, his face turning a shameful shade of red as he tried to fill in the space. "I miss you so fucking much... I love you so fucking much. Please, it's not the same without you." He reached out and pulled Nines' hand to his lips and kissed them.
Nines' breath caught and he was still processing the words and the truth he could feel in them. "Gavin…" he started mouth floundering like the fish out of water he was. What did he say? If he admitted the truth, he'd never be able to go back. It was hard enough to leave the first time.
Gavin's face was ruddy and a few more tears slipped down his face, taking that small silence as rejection. "I know you love me back. I know," his tone was so broken, "I could breathe in the ocean…"
Nines let out a whine and he couldn't help the flood of emotions that burned in his chest. He knew he loved Gavin, he loved Gavin more than anything in the world. He couldn't handle the way his throat was closing up around the words, his gills fluttering uselessly under his scarf. "Gavin… I…"
"Please," Gavin begged, "you don't have to come back. I just don't want you to lie to me. You're not a monster, you never were one and you'll never be one. You're the sweetest and kindest person I've ever met. I would…"
"Gavin," Nines interrupted gently and the smaller man choked on his next words. "Gavin… you know… you said," he tried to get his mouth to form the words he needed. He had to say something he couldn't stand to see Gavin so broken, he could even smell the distress coming off of him in waves. "It's true."
Gavin deflated and he crumbled a bit, "I broke the spell you put on me too."
Nines choked at that.
"It was difficult, I'll give you that," Gavin added quickly. "Molly told me not to. She misses you too. So do the chickens… Frankie's even been throwing a fit about you being gone." Gavin kept talking faster as he rushed to get everything out.
Nines smiled gently. Then he reached up and touched Gavin's cheek lightly. "I'm sorry about the spell. I... I just didn't want you to remember me like that."
Gavin leaned into the touch eagerly, almost desperate for it, "Like what? Like you were the luckiest man in the cosmos? How you were smiling like the goddess herself blessed you with me?" He swallowed around the swelling emotions. "It's one of my favourite memories."
Nines swallowed, "I was the luckiest siren to have ever lived when I was holding you then." He looked down, shame making his face heat, "until I hurt you."
Gavin reached out and gently grabbed Nines' chin and guided the siren's gaze back to his, then he shook his head. "You didn't hurt me. You just overwhelmed me. That's all. You had so many feelings that you had to share them."
Nines blinked at that. He'd never thought about it like that. "I, uh... I don't know what to say. I feel like everything's gone sideways."
"That's okay, I'm talking enough for both of us I think," Gavin added with a soft chuckle.
Nines laughed gently at that, but shook his head as his doubt was still fighting for attention. "How can you forgive me so easily?"
"I already told you, I love you, and we both made mistakes. We're just supposed to learn from them," Gavin supplied, "we just need practice. That's all, but you have to give us a chance."
Nines looked at Gavin with wide eyes searching for deceit he knew he wouldn't find. He shook his head and there was a rush of something breaking loose in his chest. "Would the girls and Benedict be okay with new friends?" The question had so much weight, Nines felt the tension leave him with each word.
Gavin threw his head back and laughed the sound like the ocean waves crashing against the shore. "Of course!" He said as his eyes went back to Nines' slightly slit ones, "I'm sure they’d love for our family to get bigger again."
Nines nodded and grabbed onto Gavin and pulled him as close as he physically could. His face burying itself into Gavin's neck, he let out a small noise. "I'm so, so sorry. I should have never left."
Gavin wrapped his arms back around Nines and held on for dear life, as if the second he let go, Nines would disappear again. "Hey, hey. It's okay. You're here now. I never thought I'd get the chance to ever see you again."
"Me neither," Nines said slowly, and this time he was going to make it count. "I love you too... So very much, more than all the water in the oceans and the seas."
Gavin let out a gasp and held tighter still. A small sob escaped his throat, "I love you too. More than there are stars in the sky."
Nines pulled back and looked into those seafoam eyes he loved, "are you ready to take me back home?"
"It's not a home without you there," Gavin said softly.
"Then take me home."
"You are my home. I'm already there."