Chapter Text
Holt was mentally preparing himself to a brutal row with the attending nurse at the front desk before he even arrived at the hospital. He had a deep appreciation for nurses, of course, but they had a tendency to not allow him to do what he wanted, which could be quite frustrating. Holt was determined to visit his injured Detective as soon as possible, though hospital staff could pose a challenge, and delay this endeavor.
He kept these thoughts to himself, however. His husband, Kevin, was still quite vacant, and holding Peralta’s jacket in his hands, seemingly oblivious to the illogicality of the action.
Holt was moved by the image, yet was also somewhat confused by it. As he approached the challenge of the desk before him, his eyebrows furrowed. Kevin had not previously shown any particular affection towards Jake. On the contrary, it was in fact a major point of contention between them that his husband did hold the particular detective in such low regard.
He got along magnificently with Gina, a move that Holt had been expecting entirely, and appreciated Amy from a, quote, ‘fellow academia-focused individual’. He had found Rosa to be highly respectable, and complimented her on her decorum, and he approved of Jeffords as a professional and as a loving husband - even if his incessant talking about his children did cause some slight boredom, as Kevin readily admitted. Even Boyle, who had a penchant for talking in sexual innuendos and his focus on food, which Kevin found slightly more palatable than Holt, but only by a small degree, was able to bond with his husband, mainly over incredibly specific historical tidbits centered around said food.
But Jake… Kevin had never cared for Jake. His blasé personality, his incessant grinning - “like a con man, Raymond, a con man” -, his lack of respect, his inappreciation of anything even remotely of quality, his obvious childishness, his unending need to prove himself… all of these were reasons Kevin gave, one by one when Raymond had finally asked him, late one night after admitting to being stabbed, after Jake had left and Kevin had put on his upset music - Mahler’s Symphony No. 9 in D.
Holt had asked him to talk, and Kevin had become quite upset, and essentially tore apart every minute aspect of Jake’s character, laying out their flaws one by one.
It was impressive, if disheartening.
That image, of Kevin with his chalkboard lecturing Holt on the specific subsets of each main problem in their living room contrasted wildly with the image he now saw before him.
As it happened, Holt did not have to engage in a vicious battle, as the nurse politely informed him that, in fact, he was still listed as one of Peralta’s emergency contacts, and allowed them both through without resistance.
And thus, Kevin and Holt ended up sitting, ramrod straight, in matching chairs in the visitor’s waiting room. He felt a slight pressure at his side as Kevin pressed his arm against his, utilizing the armrest.
Holt felt his eyebrows raise. Normally, he would never condone such an act of PDA, however he believed that it was permissible given the circumstances.
Holt was loathe to admit, but he too felt appreciation at the action, as he himself had been quite distressed at the thought of losing both his husband and his… son.
To know that the perp had done this because of him only served to make his emotions on the matter worse. Of course, it was not his fault, naturally, but it did leave a sour taste in his mouth that so much harm could befall his husband, a civilian.
Kevin had explained, monotoned and concisely, what had occured, and Holt felt both pride in Jake’s work, and distress over the harm that had befallen his detective.
Soon enough, however, the pair were being led to another room. Holt stepped into the room, as he felt Kevin hesitate outside the entryway.
Jake was laying on the bed in the center of the room. Stitches and tape covered the wounds on his face, and someone had cleaned the blood off of him. His chest rose and fell rhythmically, and, despite being unconscious, he looked exhausted.
He heard a slight sigh from Kevin, and turned around, deeply concerned. Kevin was staring at Jake, utterly unmoving. Only the tension in his shoulders - and of course, the intense sigh - gave away his distress.
“Kevin, perhaps we should discuss matters. You appear distressed.” Holt said, sitting down on one of the chairs by Jake’s side.
Kevin blinked, and then he was moving to sit down as well, small frown appearing on his face. “Yes, I suppose I wasn’t doing a good job of hiding it.”
“You were atrocious.”
Kevin’s mouth twitched upwards. “Undoubtedly.”
Holt remained silent, waiting for him to speak.
“Raymond,” Kevin said, “I am… concerned for Jake’s well-being.”
A first-name basis? Truly, Holt could feel his familial worlds colliding quite rapidly. He found he was relieved for it.
“While he initially reached out to me to do his normal… shenanigans, once danger became apparent I witnessed him take on his role as detective, and do his job to the utmost degree. Raymond,” Kevin’s voice took on an edge, “He was willing to die rather than let harm near me. I heard that man beating him, and he still fought to keep the door from opening.”
Raymond nodded somberly. It was true that Jake, despite his childishness, was a truly excellent detective. As well as his having a borderline masochistic self-sacrificing instinct.
“What could I have ever done to deserve that?” Kevin asked, “For him to decide my life was… worth his.”
“It is his nature to see the best in everyone - even when they do not see it in him.” His words were a reprimand, but lacked any venom behind them. Still, Kevin seemed to withdraw even further at the words, and Holt felt no small amount of instantaneous regret over his choice of wording.
Kevin was still holding the jacket like a lifeline. “Had he died, at that moment, my last words with him would have been one of scorn. And yet, he… fought.”
They lapsed into silence for a bit, save for the steady beepings of the medical devices attached to Jake.
After 23 minutes, Kevin spoke again. “We need to talk about visiting my parents.”
Holt stiffened. This, again? And, what is more, while Peralta was essentially sprawled out before them, injured?
Kevin, seeing Holt’s rising indignation, cut in.
“Peralta - Jake,” He corrected himself, “Was speaking to me about it, before…” He grimaced, before continuing. “He believed that perhaps your issue with our visiting my parents comes from a concern over how they would treat my decision to be one worthy of regret, as opposed to the risk of insult.”
Holt blinked. “Well, naturally that is the case. While I admit being told that my genitalia has magical powers is incredibly scientifically improbable, my main point of concern has always been their treatment of you.”
Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed. “I had not had that impression.”
Now, Holt frowned openly, mouth twitched downwards. “I have dealt with commentary over my sexuality for much of my adult life, I - quite frankly - do not care if your parents do not approve of me. I only ever cared about if you did, and the fact is that they have the ability to make it… so that you don’t.”
“That is highly improbable - no, impossible - Raymond.”
“I know as much, rationally. However, I have found that…” Holt grimaced, “... emotions do not always confine themselves to a rational schema.”
Kevin looked pained. “I never intended for that to be the case. We do not have to visit them, if you don’t want.”
“No, no, we should.” Holt shook his head. “I have my family with the precinct, it is unfair of me to deny you yours.”
“Your family would never treat me the way my family treats you.” Kevin said sharply, immediately.
Holt blinked, surprised at the outburst.
Kevin turned to face Holt, seeming to truly focus in. He had said the words automatically, and he knew them to be true. “Your family is comprised of brave detectives, who work hard and treat you, and everyone around them, with respect. We aren’t visiting my parents - they are not my family, anyway. Not anymore, not since a long time ago.”
“I understand.” Holt nodded. “This decision is a weighted one.”
Their conversation was interrupted by a groan.
The sound of Jake in pain seemed to send a jolt through Kevin, who immediately turned, body tensing once more.
Jake was squinting against the light, bringing up one hand to shield his eyes as he shifted himself up. He was heavily sedated, Holt knew, mainly due to concerns over police officers… reacting poorly to hospital rooms.
His eyes scanned the room, and his face seemed to, well, not light up, but certainly brighten somewhat, at the sight of Kevin and Holt.
“Captain,” Jake nodded, then hissed in pain, regretting the action.
Kevin shot up at the sound, and Jake’s eyes immediately flicked over to focus in on the movement, concern crossing his features.
“Kev? You okay?” He asked, voice hoarse.
Kevin blinked, and then smiled. Holt was about to run for a nurse, as his husband was clearly having a stroke, when Kevin spoke. “You… you’re asking if I’m okay?” Kevin’s smile vanished immediately, and he looked embarassed by the outburst of emotionality. “You’ve been beaten, have a concussion, and are asking me-” Kevin cut himself off, voice a touch hysterical.
Oh no.
He was causing a kerfuffle.
Holt was staring at him like he’d just grown a second head which, given his current behavior, wouldn’t even surprise Kevin himself at this point. Obviously that was inaccurate, but, at the moment, Kevin found himself not particularly caring over the illogicity of metaphorical statements.
This detective, this… Jake, was so inconceivable. A day ago Kevin would have seen this as bluster, or immaturity. Now… all Kevin saw was the incredible level of compassion within the young man.
It was concerning, in fact, how quickly Kevin found himself caring about the man. He had always wondered how Jake had managed to worm his way into Holt’s affections, and… it seemed he knew.
Jake was still staring at Kevin, although his gaze had now fallen to the jacket.
“Is that my jacket?” He asked, blinking at it.
“I… It seemed I couldn’t bring myself to let go of it.” Kevin admitted, feeling the texture of the jacket rustle under his fingers, as he walked to the edge of Jake’s bed, placing it onto the side of it.
Jake smiled dopily, looking up at him. “Thanks, Kev. And… it means a lot to me.” Then, it dipped down a bit. “He shouldn’t have been there.”
“Obviously not, however, it appears that-” Kevin began.
“No, I mean… he shouldn’t have been able to get into your office.” Jake looked confused. “Why would you open the door? I told you not to. You could’ve been hurt, Kevin.”
“I didn’t have much of a choice.” Kevin admitted, “It was that or let you die.”
“Well, yeah, but… you could’ve died.” Jake was full-on frowning now. “He was going to shoot you, and all you had to do was stay safe.”
“That’s… I couldn’t do that.”
“Why not?” Jake asked simply.
Kevin glanced back at his husband, who was currently attempting to remain still enough to fade into the background of the wonderfully beige wall behind him. However, Holt was watching him, waiting for a response.
“You matter to Raymond.” Kevin replied finally.
Jake seemed to deflate a little. “Oh. Right. No, cool, that’s cool.”
“Also…” Kevin admitted, “I find that you matter to me, as well.”
Jake was visibly taken aback, before a grin spread over his face, teeth biting down on his lip in an attempt to hide the obvious joy he felt at the sentiment.
Kevin found himself astounded that the appearance caused him to feel a swell of reciprocal happiness, and a sense of relief at Jake’s willingness to accept his overture.
Of course, Kevin doubted he was entitled to such acceptance - further evidence in how Raymond had found a family far beyond anything Kevin could ever hope to have - and the fact that it came from Jake, who seemed ready to accept anyone, did little to assuage said feeling of undeservedness.
If anything, it made him feel worse. Especially as Jake was still lying there, in a hospital bed, injured and clearly in pain, but still looking up at him like Kevin had just given him the greatest gift of his life with a few short words.
Holt decided at this point to rescue his short-circuiting husband from the clutches of puppy-in-human-form Jake Peralta, standing as well.
“Jake,” He said, “I am proud of you. I would like to use this opportunity of consciousness to thank you for saving his life. You performed within the parameters of your job, and exceeded them as well. Additionally, you protected my husband. For that, I am intensely grateful.”
Jake gave Holt that same look he had given Kevin before, when he had said much the same thing - an emotion that Kevin now recognized as bemusement, mixed with a deeper emotion. He was almost tempted to call it relief, but that didn’t make sense.
It would only be a reasonable emotion to display if Jake was under the impression that he was going to be punished, rather than lauded, for his actions.
Kevin filed that away for future ruminations, while Jake’s expression clouded over with pain as he tried to sit up.
Holt stepped forwards.
“Peralta. You need rest.”
“Mm no, I’m good. Look, I’m fine!” Jake tried to wiggle his fingers, but they moved in tandem. “Oh.” He frowned at them. “That’d be the drugs kicking in.”
Then, Jake’s head flopped back against the pillow, eyes slipping closed.
Kevin blinked, surprised. “That was fast.”
Holt lifted his hand, showing that the morphine drip control was in his hand. “Yes, it was quite unexpected.”
Kevin felt the corner of his mouth twitch up, a warm smile to his husband.
Exhaustion was hitting him like a truck, all of his adrenaline vanishing. Now that he knew Jake was alright, knew Jake was fine, he felt himself practically collapse back into the chair, every ounce of energy drained from his blood.
Quite simply, he needed a nap.
It would be quite improper.
However, given all of the circumstances of today… Kevin decided that following basic decorum wasn’t particularly relevant.
Besides. He wanted to be alert for when Jake woke up, again.
With Holt by his side, and Jake sleeping soundly before them - Holt’s generous use of the drugs allowing some of the pain etched across his face to fade - Kevin allowed his eyes to slip closed.
Jake was safe.
That was all that mattered, right now.