Chapter Text
“I’m going to ruin you.”
She forgets how to breathe.
And for a split second she wonders if this is a good idea. Trapped by him in her bathroom—which is half exhilarating and half terrifying. Exhilarating because the heat she feels building between them is scorching. It makes her head fucking dizzy. She can feel the slick build between her legs and it takes everything in her to not bear down on the knee wedged between her legs. But a shiver of fear runs down her spine at how predatory he is. How legitimately frustrated he seems to be and it’s in that moment when she realizes she doesn’t want it this way and wonders if she’s pushed him too far.
She keeps her gaze forward as he attacks her neck. Nearly rolls her eyes to the back of her head at the feel of his licks and nips at her skin. His knee raises higher and she knows he can feel the heat radiating from her groin and he groans into her neck. His breathing is harsh and ragged and his hands reach for her ass to lift her onto the sink. The buttons of her shirt are fighting against her harsh breath and he growls deep and low as he pops them open with little effort. He buries his face into her chest and her hand immediately grabs for the back of his head—keeping him there as his tongue explores her mounds.
“Kakashi…” she murmurs as she gently rubs the back of his head. A gesture to perhaps make him stop so they can just…
Talk. Maybe.
But he doesn’t stop. Instead, she feels her arm being swung behind her back by his hand and the back of her head hits the mirror behind her. She winces slightly and bites her lip to fight a moan when his other hand pulls her bra cup down to lick at her nipple. He says nothing. Doesn’t utter a single thing as he continues to do his work on her body. She doesn’t know whether to tell him to stop. Because she’s not even sure she wants him to. All she knows is that she wants better than this encounter.
She doesn’t want to be perched up on her sink. Doesn’t want a quick fuck. Doesn’t want to walk out of her bathroom afterward with what she’s been denying as shame and longing for more when she could just simply ask for it.
She wants to get the hell out of here. Wants to go to Kakashi’s. Wants him to lay her down on his bed and worship her like she knows he will. She wants him to fuck her long and slow. With deep strokes and gentle caresses.
She...she just wants this charade to end.
And with that final thought she pushes against him once more. And this time she gets his attention. Though now she’s met with confusion as he wipes the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. She’s fully aware of how ridiculous she looks: skirt hiked up and her left tit hanging out of her bra. She realizes she really only has a few seconds and gives herself a moment to straighten her clothes and bring herself to a stand. He continues to say nothing, much to her dismay and instead she grabs his hand. It’s out of nowhere, she knows, and the way he looks down at their hands intertwined makes her wince somewhat.
“Do you think..” she starts and oh God she really wishes the idea of a quick bathroom fuck never entered her mind but she knows it’s too late and her only real choice is to speak her mind. Now.
“Do you think…” she repeats and he cocks his head at her, “We could maybe go back to your place?” she says in a near whisper and her heart rate picks up at the thorough look of confusion on his face.
“Why?” he asks so simply that it throws her.
“Why?” she responds and he nods his head.
“Because…” she pauses and looks around the small space, “because I don’t feel like fucking in a bathroom.”
His brows pinch together. “Why does it matter?” he asks and takes a step back and clarifies, “where we fuck?”
“I don’t know. I just—” she says and lets out a frustrated breath, “I just don’t want a quickie. I don’t want to just fuck in here and be done with it.” she says and grazes her palms along his chest.
“But you’re okay with fucking in an ambulance. Or on the tile floor. Or against a damn wall.”
She blinks and removes her hands. Okay—he’s beyond frustrated. And if his simplicity didn’t throw her before his ability to deliver deadpan statements left her in sheer awe.
“Excuse me?” she seethes as she crosses her arms.
Kakashi lets out a bitter laugh and crosses his arms as well, though he looks away from her and shakes his head slightly. “I just don’t understand where this is coming from.”
“Why does it matter where it’s coming from? I said I—
“You said we’re just neighbors who fuck , Sakura.” he barks lowly and she jumps at the tone. “Need I remind you.”
She pauses, unsure of what to say and opts to just shrug instead. “I-I know I said that, but—”
“But what?” he asks and she suddenly feels like she’s floundering. She knows she’s being studied under a damn scope and it makes her just want to burst into tears at the confusion and intensity she feels buzzing in her head. “You don’t want that anymore?”
No! No, I don’t! is what she wants to scream from the top of her lungs but she can’t. All she can do is stand there with this look of shame on her face and what she suspects is hurt on his. She wishes she could burrow down beneath them. Disappear and hide at the shame she feels for backtracking. For knowing deep down that he wanted what she had been hiding all along.
He didn’t want to be just friends. And she knew that. She knew that and she still insisted on pretending. Because it made her feel good in the few minutes they were together. This entanglement of carnal energy as they fucked wherever and whenever because that’s how this works. Feelings be damned.
But she’s not this emotionless shell that she thought she could be. She feels. And what she feels for him terrifies her.
“I…” she starts, “no. No, I don’t.”
His nostrils flare and he looks to the side once more. “So what then? What is it you want now?”
“I don’t know.” she admits. “But I want more than...this.” she gestures between them and their frazzled states.
Kakashi licks his lips and shakes his head. “It doesn’t work like that, Sakura.”
“Like what?”
“You say you want this ‘arrangement’ and then decide you don’t. You can’t—” he lets out a frustrated sigh and runs a hand through his hair, “you can’t do that.”
“I know, and I’m sorry I just...I know you wanted more...at one point.” she says carefully.
“I did.” he says and nods his head. “But I’ve had time to accept that we’d be nothing more, so what am I supposed to do now that you do, in fact, want more? I’m just supposed to say okay?”
She sniffles, feeling tears brim her eyes because she knows he’s right. She knows that she can’t just backtrack and expect him to fall at her feet. And she feels even more terrible for thinking he would. Because what does that say about her?
She brings her arms to her nose and rubs the small bit of snot that has formed from trying to keep herself together. Lifting her gaze to his, she blinks back the tears, “I’m sorry,” she chokes and shrugs helplessly, “I guess I just fooled myself into thinking I didn’t want more.”
“Sakura…” he says softly and grasps for her hand but she pulls away. “I just…” he sighs and pinches his brow in concentration, “I wanted to know you. I wanted to take you out. To do things together. Not just run into one another, fuck, and then leave.”
“You did?” she asks softly and he nods his head.
Her heart is racing in her chest at the question that refuses to leave her mouth. Her face suddenly feels hot and her hands have turned clammy. “Do you…” she struggles to get out and takes a deep breath, “do you still want that?”
He looks at her, and it’s as if he was anticipating that question. He puts his hands in his pockets and casts his gaze towards the ground, not completely looking at her. A slight shrug and a shake of his head is all he gives her before saying, “I don’t know.”
Sakura bites her lip and sniffles slightly. Nodding her head, she looks down at herself and makes sure she’s presentable enough to leave. Because that’s really all she wants. To get the fuck out of there and either drink her weight in whatever cheap liquor is down there or collapse into her bed and cry herself to sleep. Either option is far better than having to endure standing in her bathroom on the verge of a total breakdown in front of him.
She wipes the tears from her eyes and murmurs a small, “Okay,” before pushing past him and opening the door. She hears him let out a tired sigh and say her name once more before walking out into the hall—intent on getting as far away from him as possible.
Walking down the stairs, she does her best to hide her face because she knows her eyes are swollen from holding back tears. She finds Yamato in the hallway talking to someone and she does her best to skirt by him.
She can hear Kakashi behind her but she doesn’t pay him any mind. She can feel Yamato’s gaze on her though. Can feel it follow her as she steps past him with Kakashi close behind her. A sniffle works its way up her nose and before she knows it she hears—
“Sakura?”
She makes the mistake of turning her head, face red and a few tears pinned to her cheeks. The look on Yamato’s face is of confusion, but when he looks behind to find Kakashi reaching for the front door, she realizes he’s putting two thoughts together that makes her stomach drop.
“Yamato, wait—“
But it’s too late. Because in what seems like meer seconds chaos ensues—which leaves her absolutely reeling . Her eyes are wide and mouth agape in shock as she just watches two bodies being thrust into her front yard.
It starts with Kakashi taking only two meager steps out of her house before Yamato calls out to him. Then, after getting his attention, a fist flies towards Kakashi—which he dodges with ease. Kakashi’s own fist connects with Yamato’s side, sending him to the ground. The two continue to trade shots at one another as Sakura runs out of the house, hands on her head as she watches and screams in disbelief.
Luckily the music is so loud that no one except a few stragglers outside take notice. She screams and screams and screams for what seems like an eternity but they don’t stop. She tells them they’re out of their minds but they don’t stop. Don’t pay her any mind as they continue with this asinine brawl.
Her screams become drowned out. Even to herself. All she can hear is a ringing in her ears and after what seems like forever she sees Genma out of the corner of her eye, forcing himself between them as the two break apart. Kakashi spits onto the ground and she sees blood splatter on the concrete, shaking his head and wiping the blood from his mouth as he walks down her driveway along with Genma. Yamato rubs at his jaw as he just stands in her yard and watches the two leave, leaving Sakura to wonder if she should chase on after him or not.
She’s about to do just that before she feels a hand grab her arm from behind. “Sakura, what the fuck ?” she hears and then turns to find Ino, who has a look of immense confusion and surprise on her face. Everything becomes drowned out, and the next thing she knows she’s running towards the house. Intent on downing whatever drinks she can get her damn hands on.
And the last thing she remembers before blacking out entirely is lying across the toilet, emptying out the contents of her stomach with the company of someone behind her.
She wakes up the next day with a massive headache.
And to the small of bacon. And eggs. And maybe...pancakes?
She groans loudly at the bit of sun that has hit her face just enough to pierce through her eyelids. She lets out a hiss in discomfort at the rhythmic pounding in her head and the light that has entered her room—signaling a new day—when she was really betting on the Earth to cease rotating on its axis.
She resists the urge to look at her phone and instead gets herself up—slowly so. She can still smell what she thinks is breakfast downstairs, and she hopes to the high heavens that Yamato is not there. Swinging her legs off the bed, she brings herself to a stand and looks down at herself—thankful that she’s out of that horrendous costume she was wearing. She shakes her head as memories from only hours ago flood her mind, making her headache even worse. The urge to hurl again overcomes her but she knows the contents of her stomach are empty. Images of Ino holding her hair back as she retched into the downstairs toilet makes her head start to spin again. And to make matters worse the smell of breakfast only confuses her mind and body further—with the want to eat but fear she won’t be able to keep it down.
Begrudgingly, she drags herself to her bedroom door and turns the knob to pull it open. She looks around and finds that at least her top floor looks to be in fine shape and that the party had, thankfully, kept itself downstairs. She’d concern herself with cleaning later as she reaches the stairs and begins her slow descent. The sound of clattering and plates fills her ears when she steps off the landing and circles the wall leading to her kitchen, finding none other than Ino fishing for silverware in a drawer.
She really shouldn’t be so surprised.
“Hey you.” she hears as Ino lifts her gaze to Sakura— stumbling towards the kitchen island.
A wave and groan is all she can really muster as she climbs onto a barstool. Ino passes over a tall glass of water and two aspirin, which Sakura happily accepts.
“I wasn’t sure if you were in the mood for breakfast—or what for, I guess. So I just went ahead and made a bunch of stuff.” Ino says as she gestures at the food already prepared on the stove.
“Thanks, Ino,” Sakura croaks as she takes a large gulp of water, “I’m sure I’ll pick at it throughout the day.”
“Sure.” Ino says with a kind smile as she turns to make her way towards the coffee maker.
Sakura looks down at her hands which are circled around the glass of water and shifts her gaze left and right, just now noticing how there’s not much mess to be cleaned up. A few plastic cups are scattered on various surfaces but the ground is almost pristine. Her brows wrinkle as she brings her gaze back to Ino. “Did you clean the place up, too?”
“Yeah.” she says as she pours coffee into her mug. “Ten stayed a while after you fell asleep to help out.”
She closes her eyes and lets out a long, deep sigh. Shame pools in her stomach as she brings a hand to her forehead. “Was it really that bad?”
“Well…” Ino pauses as she walks along the counter and towards Sakura. “It was...eventful.”
“It was bad.” Sakura groans as she lays her forehead on the counter.
“No,” Ino says with as little confidence as ever and Sakura feels a hand begin to rub her back, “It was totally fine when you factor out the drunken speech, singing, close-call vomiting, and you know, the…” she breathes and pauses her movements, “fight.” she says in a near whisper.
A beat of silence passes as she realizes she had, in fact, blacked out after the fight and she lets out a pained groan. “I’m a terrible person.”
“ No, Sakura. No. You’re not.”
“Yes I am.” she says as she picks her head back up to look at Ino. “I’m the most horrible person on Earth.”
“Well I think those responsible for genicide are maybe—”
“You know what I mean.” Sakura groans and covers her face with her hands.
Ino resumes rubbing her back as Sakura does her best to keep the tears at bay and save her headache from getting any worse. “Do you want to...talk about it?”
“Ino, no.”
“Well you can’t blame me! A fight broke out in your front yard between two dudes and it had everything to do with you.”
“Again, terrible person.” Sakura reiterates.
“And if you started connecting the dots for me then maybe I could try and make you feel better.”
Sakura removes her hands from her face and crosses them on the counter. She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath, allowing a few tears to fall—even though she doesn’t want to. She’s just far too tired to hold them back and she welcomes the feel of Ino rubbing her back.
“There you go.” she soothes. “Just let it all out now.”
Nodding her head, the tears begin to fall freely. She sniffs and coughs and knows that it’s not her most glamorous of moments but it feels good —even with the pounding in her head. Tears stream down her face as Ino continues to rub her back, remaining silent as her cries fill the kitchen.
“I fucked up, Ino.” she sobs. “I fucked up so bad.”
“Yeah, I gathered that from last night.”
“No, I mean, with Kakashi.”
“Again,” she says with a small laugh, “I gathered that from last night.”
Sakura blinks through the last of her tears and nods her head. “Have you, I mean, has he—”
“Come over here? No. And I doubt he will.”
She sighs and nods her head, not noticing the confused look on Ino’s face. “Why? Do you want him to?”
“I mean, I’d like to see him. Make sure he’s okay.”
“Um, well, if it’s any consolation I think he’s doing better than Yamato.”
Sakura’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, what do you mean by that? Is he hurt?”
“Well…” Ino says with a hesitant breath, “I think he may have a broken nose or something…”
“Oh god…” Sakura exclaims and puts her head in her hands once more. “Those two were friends and I just totally ruined it.”
“They’ll be fine.” Ino urges and Sakura lifts her head to give her a look. “It was just dudes being dudes, you know? They’ll buy each other a beer and forget about it.”
“Yeah, but, Yamato thought that he...you know.”
Ino winces slightly and nods her head. “I know.”
“ God third ring of hell party of one.”
“Sakura you have got to tell me what happened because if Kakashi—”
“No! Jeez he did nothing of the sort! We just had a...disagreement.”
“That doesn’t sound much better.”
“Look,” Sakura says as she swivels in her stool to position herself towards Ino. All she can say, all she can really do is start from the beginning. Back when this whole thing started a few months ago.
“I..okay I’ll just start at the beginning.” she says and Ino nods her head. “When I first met him, I don’t know I just—I thought this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing was what I wanted. And I thought we were on the same page but...when I told him that I...well I sort of got the impression he wasn’t okay with it. But I ignored it. Because it’s not like he can argue and say he wants more. And all this time I’ve been pushing my own feelings down. Then yesterday at the party we were in the bathroom and I could tell he was jealous about Yamato and I just caved and told him how I really feel and he said I can’t just flip flop like this and he’s right and I know he’s right...” she knows she’s rambling and she can hardly keep up with herself. Everything she’s admitting makes her feel terrible and she’s avoiding Ino’s gaze on purpose.
She stops when she runs out of breath and brings a hand to her forehead. Her head is absolutely pounding and she decides she’s done with talking for now. Mostly to save herself from vomiting again at the churning she feels resumed in her stomach.
“Well...now I at least understand.”
Sakura nods her head. “But am I as terrible as I think I am?”
“Let’s get one thing straight.” Ino starts and it has Sakura’s heart race with concern. “You are not a terrible person. You’re human. We fuck with our feelings. At the same time, Kakashi has every right to be upset and, well…”
She can tell Ino wants to say more and continues to just stare as Ino lets out a helpless sigh, “He can say no if he wants to. He may just be saving himself from getting hurt too.”
Sakura turns from Ino and fixes her gaze forward. She’s not sure what to make of what she’s said. It upsets her—greatly. Enough so that she can feel fresh tears well up in her eyes again. But she quickly blinks them away and sniffles slightly. “ I know.”
“My advice?” she says as Sakura throws her a quizzical glance. Ino smiles softly and places a hand on her back once more. “Give it time.”
Sakura nods her head. She knows Ino is right. And whether time proves to be in her favor—she’ll just have to wait and see. But she can’t help the gnawing in her gut that wants things fixed right this second. The impatience in her wants to see him. Wants to apologize profusely. Wants to just be with him. But she knows Ino is right.
She has to give it time.