Chapter Text
Peter and Evan sat on the couch staring at the blank TV screen. Evan was slouched back with his socked feet on the edge of the coffee table--a habit he picked up from Wade, much to Peter’s annoyance. Peter was sitting forward with his chin resting on his knuckles, one knee bouncing like it was made of rubber. His eyes, as much as they wanted to stay fixed on the distorted reflection of the windows behind him, he couldn’t help darting toward the bathroom and back down at the box sitting just to the right of Evan’s foot.
Life, for the most part, had been fairly easy to manage in the weeks and months following their ordeal with Stryfe. Peter resumed work on his thesis, which was nearing completion. He’d also given The Daily Bugle a final fuck-you, and chose to take a job doing freelance work for Jan Parsec’s blog and newsletter. It was less stress, and gave him a wide open schedule for other things, like joining Wade and Wanda for weekly knitting and the new Avenger’s Team Building Activity Day.
The Team Building was actually Tony’s brainchild, which he conjured in an effort to bridge the wide, gaping chasm between he and Steve. Tony being Tony, he transformed entire floors of Avenger’s Tower to be used strictly for team recreation. And Steve being Steve, responded, “We should go hiking.” After a few weeks, the two reached an agreement that they would alternate between the fun indoor things (like swimming and exercising in the new state of the art gym), and Steve’s fun outdoor things (like swimming in outdoor water and hiking mountain trails).
The part that blew Peter’s mind was the day Tony and Bucky showed up at the apartment together and seemingly by choice and not under the influence of mind control or implanted bomb. Tony extended the invitation, with Bucky adding that he’s on board if it will help Steve. After some discussion, Wade and Peter both agreed to join in.
That first hiking/camping trip is why Peter was currently having a small anxiety attack. It was at the beginning of December, a time of the year that camping did not sound fun at all especially with temperatures expected to be close to freezing and snow in the forecast. But Steve insisted that it would be a good team building exercise.
Really, he was right. They had to work together to clear a campsite and gather wood for a fire, which Clint took to with glee. Apparently his entire life, he’d wanted a reason to use the bow-method of fire starting. There were blisters and cussing, but when he managed to light his little bird’s nest of kindling, he let out a cheer that echoed across the frozen mountain.
Then there was Thor, who was put in charge of food. The thunder god decided rather than bring a cooler, he would hunt their supper. Everyone thought he was joking until he walked into camp with a deer over his shoulder. Steve, Bucky, Wade, and Natasha were impressed. Tony and Bruce both decided they were fine with just protein bars.
Peter wasn’t sure if it was the wild dinner, or the hours spent around the campfire sharing a jar of moonshine that Tony had made in his lab, or just the fact that he and Wade snuggled inside a shared sleeping bag, but they couldn’t keep their hands off each other that night--despite only a thin nylon wall separating them from the rest of the team. At least Thor’s snoring was good cover noise. It was damned good sex, Peter had to admit, even if a little sloppy because they were both pretty drunk.
Then a couple hours ago, Peter was getting ready to go to the store, and noticed the calendar on the wall marking the date of Wade’s predicted period had passed. Immediately Peter recalled the night in the tent with the very memorable lack of protection, and he found Wade sitting in their bedroom watching Bambi with a box of tissues in his lap.
“You’ve missed your period,” was Peter’s opener.
Wade looked up at him, his head tilted in that way it always did when he was confused. “What?”
“The calendar says you’re four days late,” Peter clarified. “Is that normal? I thought you and Wanda had it all figured out.”
Wade and Wanda spent an hour or so working out his ovulation cycle after his second period took Wade by surprise. It actually turned into a very rough few days due to it being a reminder of what happened the first time. Thus, Wanda made sure that there would be no more surprise bleeding, as well as making sure Wade was well supplied for the event.
Peter had to hide his amusement at the variety of tampons, pads, and other feminine hygiene products that had taken over the lower half of the linen closet. Some were too itchy, too big, too weird. Wade decided right out of the gate that pads made his balls itch, and thus he avoided them. More than once he’d yowled in pain after jabbing a testicle with a tampon applicator. And the “cup” was absolutely not happening. After extensive testing, Wade found a particular brand he liked, and he went through them at a rate probably only beaten by a teenage girl.
Wade shrugged. “I don’t know. I have very little experience being a woman.”
“Aren’t you a little curious?” Peter said.
“I’ve been busy,” Wade answered.
And it was true. Wade had been exceptionally busy. There were frequent trips to the Jean Grey School to provide blood and organs for the slowly dying group of Butler’s mutant experiments. What was originally over two dozen had dwindled down to seven. The seven, according to Hank, were the most tenacious of the group, and as it turned out, were the later products of the project. Kim, the nightcrawler, had become a good friend over the weeks, and hoped to visit New York City soon.
Evan also kept Wade busy. The first week back from Hell (as Wade, Wanda, and Evan called it), the whole family went to the Jean Grey School so Evan could take his finals. Originally, Evan went by himself, but Wade and Peter came back after Evan had his first of many terrible nightmares, and the only thing that really helped him relax was seeing Wade alive and whole. Ms. Pryde had been on the fence about allowing Evan to leave, but changed her mind after that event.
The day Evan came to live with Wade and Peter was the day Wanda moved over to Bob’s officially. And since Evan was going to be a mostly permanent resident of the Parker-Wilson house, they swapped out the air mattress for a regular bed. After tacking up a few posters and getting the passwords for the internet, Evan was settled and comfortable. He still had nightmares, but so did Wade. And the two of them went every Thursday to speak to a councilor at SHIELD.
Due to his appearance, Evan stuck out when walking around New York City. But then again, so did Wade, which is why Wade stopped wearing his hoodie and hat everywhere. It made Evan feel more comfortable, and typically drew any comments Wade’s direction. Peter spent most of his time trying to not punch random idiots on the street when the three of them went out somewhere, but now Evan was starting to be a familiar face in the neighborhood.
Then there was Aunt May, who took to Evan with the same tenacity and devotion as she did Wade. They went from having just Sunday breakfast to having dinner a couple times a week, too. Evan absolutely adored her, and always looked forward to visiting Aunt May and Armando.
Meeting Armando Dos Veces had been an experience too. Not in the same way it had been for Peter, though. Mainly because Peter never met Armando Muñoz, and had no idea who the mutant called Darwin was. While Peter, May, and Evan were doing dishes, Wade and Wanda were conducting a small inquisition on the back porch.
This Armando was from a different universe, where his mutant powers had been stripped. He, along with many others, chose exile over death. It was true, he was a retired FBI agent. He’d put in 25 years with the agency, and decided he wanted to do something peaceful for the remainder of his years, like painting lessons. He told this story with a bit of apprehension, because from the moment he laid eyes on Wade and Wanda, he knew who they were too.
“I’m not gonna out ya,” Wade said as Armando finished talking. “And as long as you treat Miss May right, we’ll never have problems. But she knows who and what we are. She deserves to know the truth about you, too.”
Armando agreed. Reluctantly, but he agreed. May, being the stalwart creature that she is, took the information with a smile and a shrug, and said, “It doesn’t change who you are inside.”
Peter had to agree, and the entire trip home all he could think about was how lucky he was to have the family he had. That he grew up knowing what it meant to accept people for who they are, not what they were. He was thankful that he could look at Wade and Wanda and see them both as humans and not as the monsters so many others believed them to be. He loved his family. All of it, especially the ones he collected over the years.
Which is why a couple weeks later, Peter left a note for Wade to meet him on the roof of the apartment building. It was a very cold evening, but Peter spent the better part of two hours carrying blankets, pillows, and candles up to the little garden area where in the Spring one of the top floor tenants planted tomatoes and a couple pot plants. That night, Peter topped the flowerbed with a plank of wood he found and placed several candles which he lit just before Wade hopped over the railing.
Wade froze seeing the little blanket nest and candles, and asked, “Are we having a seance?”
Peter laughed and motioned Wade to join him. The two snuggled down into the blankets, cocooning themselves in each other’s warmth. It took a while for Peter to manage to say what he planned all of this to say because he was enjoying the way Wade kissed him a little too much. Finally, breathless, Peter broke away and said, “Do you know what today is?”
“November 3rd?” Wade answered.
“This is the anniversary of the first time you kissed me,” Peter answered, smiling.
Wade’s brow scrunched. “I thought that was that weekend of the big Chitauri battle?”
“No.” Peter kissed Wade’s cheek. “No, this was back before you and I were ever anything other than two dudes with a similar costume. I might have even described you as arch nemesis material, I believe.”
The furrow of Wade’s brow deepened, then his eyes brightened, and he gasped, “Shit! Yeah, I remember that. We’d teamed up to take down one of Kingpin’s cronies.” Wade chuckled. “I kissed you and ran away.”
“With one of my webshooters,” Peter added with a tone of disapproval that turned into a laugh.
“So you knew back then I was your one true love?” Wade said, batting his eyes.
“Not exactly,” Peter answered. “I wrote it down because I wanted to remember who stole my webshooter in case you chose to use it.”
“I gave it back,” Wade pouted, then grinned. “Like a year later, but I gave it back.”
Peter smiled, but turned serious. “The thing is, at the time I didn’t know that date would be important. That I would think about that every time I saw you after. That every November 3rd, I would think about that time that Deadpool kissed me. I never thought then that I would be here with you like this. That I would love you like I do.”
“Me neither,” Wade said softly, snuggling a little closer. Then, in a very soft voice, Wade asked, “So, is this the part where you propose?”
“Yes,” Peter answered without hesitation, making Wade freeze. “I want to marry you.”
Wade’s answer was a kiss that was a better “yes” than any he could have vocalized. They sent out text messages to Aunt May, Evan, and Wanda, announcing the big news. They stayed on the roof talking for hours about the future. They both agreed that it would be great to get married in the Spring, probably on a rooftop because that’s where they really fell in love. They discussed getting a house. Maybe even getting a pet.
One thing they didn’t really talk about was the potential for children. Because there was that potential. Wade produced viable eggs, which was determined by Hank McCoy, the only doctor Wade really trusted. They knew without a doubt that Wade could get pregnant, and still moonshine happened, and now Peter was waiting for the test result.
“How long has it been?” Peter asked Evan.
Evan sighed. “Thirty seconds since the last time you asked.”
“Which is?”
“Two minutes,” Evan answered.
At that moment, there was a knock on the door heralding Wanda’s arrival. She came in using her key, and looked at Peter. “So we having a baby up in here?”
“Don’t know yet,” Peter answered. He picked up the box, reading the instructions for the tenth time.
Wanda flopped onto the couch between Evan and Peter, and asked, “On a scale of one to ten, how bad are you shitting yourself right now?”
“This is not a joke,” Peter said flatly.
“I warned you, Petey-pie,” Wanda said with a smirk.
The sound of the kitchen timer ding brought Peter to his feet.
A moment later Wade came out of the bathroom staring at the little plastic stick in his hand, and said, "What does one line mean?"
"Not pregnant," Wanda answered as Peter looked at the box.
"Oh thank fucking Odin," Wade said as he slumped against the wall. Peter rushed over to him, kissing Wade firmly on the mouth. Wade gripped Peter’s hips, and said, “My mangina is off limits for a while. No more poking the baby hole.”
Peter laughed and put an arm around Wade's waist, and asked, "Are you relieved? I'm relieved."
Wade nodded. "Yeah. Understatement. I don't think I'm ready for motherhood."
"Protection, idiots," Wanda said as she slapped them both on the side of the head. Then she grinned as she bounced excitedly. "But ohmigod, you two would have adorable little Spideypool children with Bambi eyes and hair!"
Peter grinned and nodded. "When we're ready for it."
Wade let out a relieved sigh, tossing the test at the trash can, where it bounced off the edge and went skittering towards the entertainment center. Wade laughed, and Wanda said, "Beware of the flying pee stick."
"Please pick up your pee stick, Wade," Evan said, snickering.
"I like to consider my pee stick carry-on," Wade answered with a cheesy grin.
"Please stop saying 'pee stick'." Peter rolled his eyes and walked to the entertainment center. "I knew I never should have allowed you to watch Orange is the New Black."
"But hot girls! In showers!" Wanda said plaintively, Evan nodding in agreement.
“Exactly.” Peter snatched the test off the floor. He looked at it, feeling like he should frame it and matte it with condoms, also worried he would see a second line. He didn't. He sighed--both relieved, and maybe a little wistful--and tossed the test in the trash.
Still, there was a part of him that had to wonder what it would be like if someday the result was different.