Chapter Text
It had been a month since the apocalypse was averted. Crowley had only returned to his flat the day before, seeing as he spent all of his time since he was unexpectedly turned back into an angel with Aziraphale. It was then that the doorbell rang.
That was surprising in many ways, one of which was that Crowley's flat did not in fact have a doorbell. He went to open the door apprehensively and had to use all his willpower to not slam it closed again. He really did not think that God would appreciate it
"Mother" he greeted Her. She smiled serenely and spoke softly, "Crowley, you deserve an explanation"
"What?" He was floored by those words.
"It's true. You can refuse of course, but I think that you would be interested in that."
Crowley could not believe what was happening. Questions were buzzing inside his mind like a swarm of bees and he would not dare speak them. He stood still for some time as he mulled it over. He did not know if this was a test or a genuine offer. As far as he knew, God did not play tricks like that, but it felt too good to be true. In the end he resolved to accept. "Alright."
She was waiting, seemingly entirely unnaffected by his long delibaration.
"Good! Now in the interest of not having a lengthy conversation at your doorstep, would you be alright with moving this somewhere else? I know a place that should be comforable." Crowley nodded. What else could he have done?
Instantly he found himself standing next to a chair in a coffee shop. God was alredy seated at a table. He sat on the chair and waited for Her to start. She waited long enough for a waitress to come and take their orders. Crowley was reluctant to order anything but when God says "Anything you want. My treat." you order something
After the waitress left, She started speaking, "I suppose I should begin by telling you that the reason I made you an angel again is that you would have died otherwise. I understand that it is painful and it is not a pain that I would have put you through if there was another choice"
Crowley bit his tongue trying to keep his questions unspoken.
"You can ask me whatever you want, it's not much of a conversation if only one person is talking"
Sheepishly, Crowley conceded to himself that it was foolish to try and hide from someone all-knowing and so he asked "So You did not want me as an angel? Besides if You wanted to spare me pain, why make me a demon in the first place?" He was horrified at his own insolence, yet driven by a boiling anger that had awakened at the Heavenly Mother's words
She sighed softly. "It's ineffable." She held a hald up to halt an enraged Crowley who had opened his mouth to yell. "I will try to explain regardless. You know that I am omniscient. That implies that I know all things to come.
Naturally that carries it's own contradiction: If I know what everyone is going to do then how is there free will? If your actions are predetermined how is choise anything but an illusion? For free will to exist I would have to face the same unknown future as every other being in the cosmos. That would mean that I am not omniscient. So which one which Crowley? Which one is a lie?"
Crowley in all honesty had not expected to participate in a philosophical debate on free will and the nature of God that morning when he woke up and he never in his entire life would have thought that he would be in any type of debate with God in a coffee shop (or anywhere else really). As a result any feeling of anger he had gave way to pure confusion. He absurdly hoped that God was not having an existential crisis.
The waitress brought their drinks at that moment and She took a sip before continuing "The truth is that it's not that simple. There is free will, every living thing has it. And yet I know what will happen. I see every option Crowley, every little or big choise everybody makes and the future that they shape.
Everything counds in the web of events. A frog's life will cause ripples. Of course if a frog causes ripples, a human will cause splashes, an angel will cause waves, I will create a tsunami."
She paused and closed Her eyes, concentating, almost as if She was listening to something faint.
"There is a woman right now who chose to drink the cranberry juice instead of the orange juice in her fridge. That pushed the earliest discovery date of an almost 100% cure for brain cancer 5 years back."
"Why didn't you stop it?" , asked Crowley incensed.
"It seems like such a petty thing doesn't it? Juice preference. Why would I let it get in the way of lives being saved? Free will Crowley. It may be a small choice a meaningless occurrence not only in the grand scheme of things but also in this woman's life and it being altered could bring about so much good! No. I cannot. Every living thing's experience is shaped by choices and they should be allowed to make their own, whatever darkness they may bring.
They are not My puppets to be used at my whims and desires. I usually only intervene personally if humanity would be devasted. I do occasionally give assignments to angels so they can avert big disasters, but even then I do not tell them the exact effect that I hope their actions will have."
Crowley was entranced by Her words. He could not fathom what She described yet he understood what She was saying. Still something niggled at him. "You saved us. Is that not intervention?"
"It is. I like you two. Though it is more of a big change on your part. I act more freely in Heaven. Angels accept being extensions of My Will. I would not let an execution happen in Heaven under any circumstances. Though I was hoping that you two would find your way out of it without me." She took another sip.
Crowley gathering all his courage and emboldened by the fact that he had not been smitten the first time he asked, repeated his second question, "You say that You like me and that You didn't wish to see me in pain. Why then did You turn me into a demon in the first place? I didn't do anything monstrous back then either, I just asked questions."
She looked sorrowful then. Crowley's breath stopped when he saw that. "Because in some ways I am a gambler. I see all possibilities and their likelihood. Hell in most of it's likely iterations was not like it truly is. Not a twisted reflection of Heaven, with hierarchy and orders and missions. It could have been so many things: democracy, anarchy, a haven for free will or even just a common history with some beings that would live for as long as you, while you went your seperate ways on earth.
And that's the reason why son. You question, you would never have been content with blindly obeying. Heaven would have been miserable for you. Casting you out was not about punishment. It was about setting you free, removing you from an enviroment in which you do not fit in.
It all went differently of course and I learned that just because something is more likely it does not mean that I should place my bets on it. It was a mistake. One that I made with more than one of My children and that I regret deeply. It was done with good intentions, but you know what they say about them nowadays don't you?"
"So now I work for you again? Follow your commands? The angel, er Aziraphale mentioned something about us reporting directly to you."
"Ah, Aziraphale another one of my more rebellious children."
"He's not." Crowley protested.
"Yes he is. Though luckily by the time he showed his independent streak, it was clear that Hell was not shaping up in the way I was waiting for ot to be."
She paused and took another sip as he contemplated Her words.
"So now with the whole apocalypse business over and done with, thanks to Adam and his friends, but also with you two making a significant contribution, I want you to consider yourselves free agents. Neither of you fit in Heaven anymore and Hell is nothing but a horrific punishment. I like what you where doing before, though I suppose I prefer feeding children over bringing the entire telephone network down."
"Speaking about punishment, can I ask...?" he trailed off.
"You can." She motioned for him to go ahead.
"You changed me into an angel. Back into, ugh you know! Why did my eyes remain the same? Because it was punishment?"
"It wasn't. Not truly. I was angry at Adam and Eve for disobeying My orders but you were not under My orders, now were you? All demons started taking on animalistic traits. Me marking you as the serpent only served to guide them. If you want to I can change them to what they were originally."
"I don't. I haven't for a long time."
Crowley sat back and felt a sense of calm surrounding him. He had been worried for over a decade, ever since he got the call to deliver the Antichrist. His concerns had shifted, from the end of the world, to the end of his and his angel's lives, to rejoining the angel club again but now finally he felt peace.
God spoke again "Tell Aziraphale not to worry. And tell him that I will come to him as well, he is just not ready yet."
She stood up. "Farewell Crowley. We shall meet again."
And with that she vanished. Crowley stayed in his chair looking at the large amound of money that she left. He stayed long enough for the waitress to come gather it and then left as well, heading back to his flat to sleep