Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Mom?” 

Alex keeps his voice as small as possible as he stands behind his mother, staring at the hem of the sweater hanging loose on her. Ellen, he thinks, is always strong, the unyielding force behind Alex whenever he feels like he’s stumbling or falling down. Right now, she looks more tired than ever as she looks down at her five-year-old son, even with the smile on her face. 

“What’s up, dear? Not enjoying the party?” 

Alex looks over his shoulder to the living room. His friends from kindergarten are there, laughing and screaming and destroying half the living room, the poor parents trying to contain the chaos. Alex’s heart yearns to join them, but there’s just something missing. He finds his father, laughing with Jake’s dads, and clears his throat. “Is Grandma not coming?” he asks, finally meeting his mother’s steel blue gaze. 

The smile slips on Ellen’s face just long enough for Alex to notice it. His little heart drops past his stomach. “Is he late?” he asks—Grandma is never late, he knows this, but that’s the only explanation he can think of. “Did she say she wouldn’t come? I thought she’d send a gift. Did she send it to you?” Alex wrings his together and presses his nails against his palms. He promises himself he won’t cry, but his lips begin to wobble when Ellen comes down to her knees, taking his face in his hands.

“My baby boy,” Ellen whispers, and Alex can’t look at her anymore. He stares at the ceiling instead. His mom is talking but he doesn’t hear over the pounding of his ears. Grandma will come. She always comes.

When Ellen hugs him, Alex, with his eyes teary and throat clogged, realizes that she can’t. 

ii.

The candle’s almost completely gone.

Alex stares at the cake, at the pool of wax now resting on a piece of cardboard because June realized quickly enough that he wouldn’t blow it, and forces himself to take a deep breath. Another. Tears prick the corners of his eyes but he refuses to let them out, listening for the lock to turn and the door to open, revealing—

“Mijo—“

“No.” Alex’s response is shaky but quick. “I’m not blowing the candle without her.” He feels the pitiful look of his dad at the back of his neck but he doesn’t look up. If he moves at all, the spell will be broken, and Alex won’t be that kid crying at his birthday because his mom didn’t show up. 

He’s not that pathetic. Besides, his mom’s gonna come. She never misses Alex’s birthday. 

“Alex, your mom’s at work—“

“I know,” Alex cuts Oscar off before he can say the fateful words. His fingers curl into fists on the table. “But she’ll cut it short. I’m her son. She’ll…” Alex stares at the candle as the fire slowly flickers out, completely out of wax. Something heavy settles in his chest and he can’t finish the words. 

Next thing he knows, he’s in his dad’s arms, the shirt under his face wet. The cake stays on the table, uneaten.

iii. 

“So, what time are you gonna come?”

Alex tucks the phone between his ear and shoulder, checking the pancakes on the stove so they don’t burn. “I’m going out with friends tonight,” he explains to his father when all he gets as an answer is silence. “So, like, I kinda need to know when we’re celebrating it with family.” 

It’s a birthday tradition—every year, even after Alex “should’ve grown out of it”, the Claremont-Diaz family come together on birthdays to blow candles and share a cake. His mother…admittedly missed it a few times, her job keeping her at the office, but his father was always there, from year one. Alex can’t really imagine spending a birthday without him, regardless of the…divorce. 

Oscar doesn’t say anything for another few seconds, and Alex feels his stomach drop. He slowly puts the spatula aside and turn the stove off. “You’re coming, right?” he asks, forcing out a laugh. It has to be a joke. 

“Mijo,” Oscar whispers, and Alex’s heart stops in his chest. He stares at the half done stack of pancakes without really seeing it. “I think… Just for this year, I think it’ll be better if you celebrate it with your mom. I’ll be there next year, mijo, okay?” 

Alex doesn’t mention that his mom is stuck in her office yet again. “Okay,” he says, voice completely blank, and barely listens to his dad’s promises of coming next year. Just a few months ago, he also promised the divorce wouldn’t tear the family apart. 

That night, he blows out the candles with only June and Nora by his side. 

iv.

“It’s just for a few days, Alex.” 

June’s voice is kind as she watches Alex with wide eyes, fingers clasped together on her lap. There’s a hint of guilt in her voice, something that doesn’t quite match her blank face and pleading eyes. Alex has to look away.

“It’s fine,” he says, though he doesn’t believe it. From the corner of his eyes, June winces. 

“It’s a really cool opportunity,” she tries to argue. “I can’t miss it. Besides, didn’t you tell me you were going out with friends? More time to spend with them, right?” June forces a fake smile on her face. “And when I’m back, we can throw the biggest belated birthday party ever seen. It’ll be so good, even neighbors will talk about it.” She reaches out to hold Alex’s hand, and after a moment of hesitation, Alex squeezes back. The relief that floods June’s eyes is too much to bear.

Alex doesn’t mention just how much the family birthdays used to mean to him. He doesn’t mention just how much his mom’s absence hurt every time she doesn’t make it, and just how heartbreaking it was to see his father’s seat empty the last few years. He doesn’t mention that his mom will probably be stuck at work yet again, his dad is still in California, and it’ll be the first birthday Alex spends without any of his family around. 

Instead, he smiles at June. “Liam’s gonna be so happy when I tell him we can meet up earlier.”

When June comes back and offers to throw the promised party, Alex refuses. 

v. 

“Nora's not coming.” 

Liam blinks, fingers loosening around the neck of the beer bottle. He tries to catch Alex’s eyes but Alex doesn’t turn to him, firmly keeping his focus on the video game. A second later, the enemy shoots Liam’s character dead. 

“She’s not?” Liam puts his controller aside and stops Alex when he tries to restart the game. Alex huffs out a large sigh and stares at the ceiling. “But I thought… Are you guys having problems?” Liam’s hand lands on Alex’s elbow, and Alex tries really hard not to think about how he wishes it was Nora. 

He gulps and shrugs. “Had a lot of homework,” he explains simply, ignoring the shock that splashes on Liam’s face. “You know how she gets. Can’t do anything until she’s done.” 

“But—“

“Drop it, dude.” Alex stops him before Liam finishes his words and shrugs again. “I didn’t come here to mope on my birthday. We’re finishing this game tonight.” 

Liam doesn’t argue afterwards. They finish the game, drink more than a sane amount of alcohol, and when Alex crashes onto the guest bed at night, he almost forgets that his girlfriend didn’t even text him Happy Birthday the entire day. 

+i 

Alex wakes up to an empty bed on the morning of his birthday. 

His fingers curl around the left side of the bed, seeking the warmth of his boyfriend, until his hand hits the cold blankets. He blinks his eyes open and the realization hits him.

Henry’s in the UK on an emergency trip ordered by Queen Mary, and he isn’t coming back until next week. He texted yesterday, apologizing for the delay and adding multiple “I love you”s at the end of his text, and even though Alex felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest, he smiled and told him it was fine. Even sent a selfie when Henry didn’t believe his dry response. 

He shuts his eyes, trying to push back the tears stuck to his throat, and buries himself back under the blankets. It’s not even weekend and he knows he has to get up soon—law school doesn't stop just because it was your birthday—but he gives himself five minutes to mope before he has to become a functioning member of society. 

A minute in, he hears a clatter from downstairs. His eyes fly open and he frowns, staring at David’s empty dog bed. David never leaves the room at night before Alex wakes up.

He shoots up, legs tangling around the sheets, loud barks echoing around the house. He doesn’t even bother putting anything on but his boxers before he rushes downstairs. 

“Shh, David, you’ll wake Alex up,” a soft voice whispers. Alex’s heart jumps to his throat. It should be impossible, yet it hurts when Alex pinches himself, and he still hears Henry’s voice. “Baby, I know you’re excited but you know how much Alex sleeps, we should…” The voice trails off when Alex stops at the end of the stairs, and even though he hasn’t made any noise, Henry looks up as if he can sense Alex’s presence. His lips curl into an exasperated smile. “Sorry for waking you up, love,” he dares say, still petting the top of David’s head, as if his presence isn’t the best gift Alex could’ve asked for on his birthday. As if Alex doesn’t feel the cracks in his heart stitch together with golden threads.

He doesn’t know how Henry’s here, and he has a feeling Henry wants to explain, but it doesn’t matter. Alex pulls him into a bone-crushing hug the moment he’s within reaching distance, burying his face to Henry’s shoulder, inhaling the ever-familiar scent that always smells like coming home. He squeezes Henry until Henry can’t breathe, and then squeezes some more because he needs to know Henry’s there, that he didn’t leave him alone on his birthday like so many people before. 

“You’re here,” Alex whispers when his throat doesn’t feel clogged with the sheer enormity of the love he feels for Henry. Gentle fingers card through his hair and Henry drops a kiss to the crown of his head. 

“Your eyes looked so sad yesterday. I realized whatever Gran might yell at me isn’t worth a drop of your tear.” Alex thinks it’s a miracle his chest is still intact after his heart feels like it just burst at its seams. He finds Henry’s eyes when Henry pulls back and cradles Alex’s face. “I couldn’t leave the love of my love alone on his birthday, now, could I?” 

Alex thinks he makes a wounded noise, but then Henry’s lips are on his, intent on erasing all of the pain and disappointment of the past, and Alex lets him. He doesn’t mention that so many people who claimed to love him abandoned him before. He doesn’t mention he didn’t have a proper birthday with his family since he was ten. He doesn’t mention that never once someone put him first, chose him before their obligations, threw everything aside to fly across the Atlantic just to be with him. He doesn’t mention because he doesn’t need to anymore. 

Henry chose him. That’s all that matters.