Work Text:
Jared fumbles with the cardkey, cursing as it slips from his fingers. The low grade throbbing in his head spikes to a flare of white-hot pain as he bends to retrieve the plastic rectangle from the plush carpet of the hallway. He slots the key with a grimace, waits for the green light and pushes the door open. It’s only nine o’clock, but it feels much later. He’s not even forty, but tonight, he feels so much older.
It’s been a long fucking day.
He doesn’t turn on the lights as he moves through the main area of the suite. He briefly considers ordering room service, but he’s too tired to wait. Too tired to eat. He just wants a hot shower and clean sheets. Wants to sleep straight through to his early wake-up call. He wants today to be over.
As he nears the bedroom, Jared can hear the muted sound of the television. He thought he turned it off this morning. He’d put off going to set so long; he’d made himself late. He must have forgotten in the last minute rushing around.
Or maybe not.
Jared stumbles to a stop in the doorway. He blinks rapidly against the sight before him, just in case it’s only a hallucination brought on by fatigue and wishful thinking. He shakes his head to clear it, but the image doesn’t waver.
It stays solid. It smiles. “Hey, Jared.”
And Jared feels the weight of this awful, endless, horrible day start to slip from his shoulders.
Because Jensen is here.
+++++
Jensen is sprawled on the bed, propped up on both elbows, legs crossed at the ankles. He’s wearing boxer-briefs and Jared’s oldest UT t-shirt. If it wasn’t for the garish bedspread, Jared could almost make himself believe they’re in their own bedroom back in Vancouver, instead of some soulless L.A. hotel room.
Jared watches Jensen’s eyes sweep him from head to toe and knows that Jensen sees everything. Jared can feel his concern like a touch. And it hurts. Jared’s too raw. Soft will only break him right now. And he’s not ready to break.
His voice is a rasp. “Don’t. I can’t talk about it.”
Jensen’s smile takes on an edge as he nods shortly and leans back against the pillows. His legs fall apart as he bends one knee until his foot rests flat against the bed. The blatant invitation rushes straight to Jared’s cock.
Jensen holds out a hand. “Good thing I didn’t come for the conversation, then.”
The wave of desire that crashes into Jared is tinged with desperation. He knows the source, even if he doesn’t want to examine it too closely. He simply needs.
And Jensen is offering.
Jared doesn’t bother with all of the buttons on his shirt, just opens the top two before whipping it over his head, catching and pulling his hair in the process. He toes out of his shoes, each one flying to separate corners of the room as he reaches for the waistband of his jeans. When he reaches the bed, he’s naked and Jensen is sitting up, stripping off his own shirt. By the time Jensen shimmies out of his briefs, Jared is covering him like a blanket.
Jared grips both of Jensen’s wrists and raises them until they’re stretched above his head. There’s nothing gentle in the way he takes Jensen’s mouth, nothing tender, but Jensen opens anyway. Jared can’t make himself ease up until he tastes blood. He hopes it’s his own.
Drawing back with a gasp, he rests his forehead on Jensen’s, eyes clenched shut. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”
Jensen wiggles his wrist and Jared lets go immediately, expecting Jen to pull away. He feels Jensen slide one hand through the hair at the back of his head. The other comes to rest along the side of Jared’s face.
“It’s fine, Jay. I’m fine.”
But Jared’s not so sure. Jensen’s not a small man and he’s by no means a weak man, but Jared’s bigger. And stronger. That’s just a fact. Jared has never purposefully used his size to his advantage, not without Jensen’s permission. He doesn’t want to start tonight. His body is screaming at him to take Jensen now, just fuck him into the mattress, but it’s not supposed to be like that. Not one-sided. Never like that.
Jensen slides his leg over Jared’s hip and wraps it around the small of his back, stopping him from moving away. “It’s okay, Jared.”
Jared shakes his head. “It’s not. I can’t – I can’t go slow. I can’t be sweet.”
Jensen tilts his chin. “I don’t care.”
Jared is about to argue, but Jensen chooses that moment to buck upward, pressing their pelvises together. Jensen’s interest is evident in the hard line of his cock rubbing against Jared’s.
“Whatever you need, Jay. Anything you need. Don’t you know that by now?”
Jared can’t help starting a slow grind. They’re doing this. And maybe it won’t be slow or sweet, but Jared needs Jensen to understand. “I love you, Jen. I love you so fucking much.”
Jensen reaches under the pillow. His eyes twinkle when he slaps the lube into Jared’s hand. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
And Jared has to kiss him again. Wet, dirty, and just this side of violent. He feels Jensen give way. Not so much give up as give himself over into Jared’s hands. Whatever Jared needs. Anything Jared needs. Jared feels drunk on Jensen’s trust.
And that could be so fucking dangerous.
He leaves Jensen’s mouth to press a kiss against the line of his jaw. Moves down to leave a biting mark on the curve of Jen’s shoulder, skims a kiss along his scar, and whispers to his heart, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Jay.”
“Don’t let me hurt you.”
Jensen tugs on Jared’s hair. “Look at me.” Jen’s eyes don’t have a single shadow. “You won’t hurt me. I promise.”
Jared lets himself relax for the first time all day. Jensen has never broken a promise.
So Jared lets go.
+++++
The hum of the air conditioner serves as background music to Jared’s ragged exhalations and Jensen’s breathy moans. Jensen holds himself open with a hand against the back of his thigh and tilts his hips into every press of Jared’s fingers.
Jared’s up to three now.
He pulls out, adds more lube and goes right back in, middle finger curling to hit just right.
Jensen throws his head back and fists the sheet with his free hand. “You fucking bastard. I thought you weren’t doing slow tonight?”
Jared grins. “Apparently, the sight of you all strung out and begging calms me down. Who knew?”
“I’m. Not. Begging.”
Jared drops a kiss into the crease where Jensen’s groin meets his hip. “You will.”
“Fucking. Bastard.”
Jensen’s hard-on rests flat against his stomach. When Jared leans in to lick a stripe from root to tip, it jumps as if to meet Jared’s mouth. Jared smirks. “Told you.”
“That’s not begging.”
“Could have fooled me.” Jensen is gorgeous, writhing on the sheets. Jared takes it all in, every inch of Jensen’s flushed skin, every freckle, every drop of sweat. “Beautiful, baby. So fucking beautiful.”
“Not doing sweet, either. Remember?”
Jared’s laugh gets stuck halfway up his throat as his eyes move from Jen’s face to the scar on his chest. Jensen must sense the change, because he’s whispering Jared’s name even as Jared shoves in again with his fingers. Hard.
Jensen’s back bows. “Jared. Inside. Get inside.”
The calm Jared had built while prepping Jensen evaporates and all that’s left is the same desperate urgency he started with – the drive to take, to have. His movements are jerky, rougher than he’d like, as he yanks his fingers from Jensen and grabs the lube. He slicks up quickly, pressing Jen’s bent leg farther back and lifting the other up and out.
It’s not slow. And it’s not sweet. It’s one hard thrust in that pushes the air from Jensen’s body and stops Jared’s heart. This is it. This is everything. Like the first time, every time.
Jared lives for this.
He lives for Jensen.
Jensen is panting, pupils blown wide, eyes locked on Jared’s. The connection there just as tangible, just as real, as the fact that Jared is in him now. He reaches back to the headboard with one hand and wraps the other around Jared’s bicep. He mouths a word that might be more or might be move.
It doesn’t matter. Jared can’t do anything but obey. He pulls his hips back only to snap them forward. Again. And again. They gave up condoms six months in and even after all these years, all the times he’s had Jensen this way, he still can’t get over the feel of skin on skin. The drag and pull, the heat and pressure. It’s like nothing else and he loses himself to it. Each thrust shoves Jensen a little farther up on the bed. He’s tilting his hips to meet Jared’s every drive and Jared knows this is going to end way too fast. He releases Jen’s raised leg, letting it fall to the bed, and reaches for his cock.
Jensen grabs his wrist. “Don’t need it.”
The thought of making Jensen come untouched is unspeakably hot. Jared forces himself to slow down, make it last just a little longer. He eases back until he’s almost out, and then glides in gently. Slow and sweet. Jensen whines, so Jared does it again.
Jared bends his head to nuzzle Jensen’s cheek. “What do you want, Jen? What do you need?”
Jensen sighs. “You. Just you.”
Jared’s cock jerks as he feels Jensen clench hard around him and then they’re coming. They kiss through the aftershocks, soft moans with every twitch, Jensen’s hands on Jared’s face. When Jared softens and slips from his body, Jensen grabs his discarded tee and cleans them both up.
A hot shower would be heaven right about now, but Jared doesn’t think he can move. Jensen curls up in his arms and whispers, “Sleep.”
Jared does.
+++++
The sun is hot on Jared’s face.
He can smell peanuts and popcorn and roasting hotdogs. The music of the calliope is nearly deafening as the carousel goes round and round. He’s standing with Jensen on the sidelines watching it turn. Each horse is vividly colored, each rider a well-loved face. Mackenzie and Megan are smiling, most likely sharing a secret. Eric is talking with his hands, just like usual, while Kim smokes a cigar. Chris and Steve pass a beer back and forth. Josh has his son in his lap. The boy claps his hands in wonder as the horse moves up and down its ornate post.
Jensen is holding the ugliest stuffed bear Jared has ever seen. It’s so tacky and cheap it’s adorable. Jared can’t remember which one of them won it. Or what carnival game they were playing. There’s something pink and fluffy at the corner of Jensen’s smiling mouth. Jared recognizes cotton candy when he sees it. He bends to lick the spun sugar from his boyfriend’s lips.
He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns to find himself face to face with a clown. It’s not a Bozo clown or a Ronald McDonald clown. It’s an honest to God circus clown with sad eyes that belie its painted smile.
A chill runs down Jared’s spine.
The clown pats his shoulder in what feels like sympathy before holding up an obviously toy gun. There is a soft pop and fabric unfurls revealing the word bang! in block letters. It startles a short laugh out of Jared.
Still laughing, he turns to see Jensen falling, chest blooming red. Jared rushes to catch him, but his fingers slip on the leather of Jensen’s jacket.
Jensen hits the ground with a sickening thud.
Falling to his knees, Jared tries to staunch the flow of blood, but it gushes through his fingers, hot and thick. He hears his own voice as if from a distance, hears himself begging.
“Don’t leave me, Jensen. Don’t you fucking leave me.”
Jensen’s stare is flat and blank, devoid of a single spark.
He’s gone.
+++++
Jared wakes yelling Jensen’s name.
As he bolts upright, strong arms wrap around him from behind. He can feel Jensen’s warmth at his back, a tight band across his chest. Jensen’s lips move against Jared’s shoulder as he murmurs soothingly.
“Shhh, baby. It’s just a dream. I’m right here. It was just a bad dream, Jay.”
Jared clutches at Jensen and takes deep gulping breaths. Jensen is pressing kisses into his skin whispering I’m fine and I’m here and Love you. The whispers and kisses don’t stop until Jared’s breathing evens out.
They’ve come too far, been through too much for anything to embarrass them now, but Jared can’t help but feel a little bit sheepish, what with the whole screaming thing and all. “Well, I guess that was predictable.”
Jensen is matter of fact. “Yeah. It really was.” He pulls away from Jared to flip on the bedside lamp, then settles back against the pillows. “Come here.”
Jared burrows into the offered embrace and lays his ear right over Jensen’s heart. The beat is steady and strong. Comforting. Jensen is here. Jensen is fine.
Jared lets out a shuddering sigh. “So, whose idea was it I do a buddy movie where my buddy dies from a gunshot wound to the chest halfway through?”
“I don’t know. Everyone’s? Your agent, your manager, your mother? It’s Bruckheimer, Jared. You would have been an idiot to say no.”
Jared brushes a kiss across Jensen’s scar. “Today really sucked.”
Jensen sinks his fingers into Jared’s hair, scratching gently. “I’m sure it did. But it’s done now, right? The worst part is over.”
“How’d you know about the death scene?”
“I read the script.” Jensen doesn’t actually say duh, but it’s clear in his voice.
Jared tweaks the nearest nipple. “Asshole. How did you know I was filming it today?”
“Hey! Watch the goods there, or you’re not getting any for the foreseeable future, dude.”
Jared snorts. “I’ll believe that when I see it. Seriously, Jen. How did you know?”
“Would you believe I felt it through our mystical psychic bond?”
Jared’s fingers hover threateningly. “Try again.”
“Before you left home, I asked Kayla to let me know when the scene got scheduled. She called yesterday and I caught a flight. Simple.”
“You conspired with my personal assistant?”
“Conspired is such an ugly word. I prefer conferred.”
“Fine. You ‘conferred’ with my P.A. on how best to handle my neurotic ass. That’s fabulous.”
Jensen arches a brow at Jared’s petulant tone. “Since when do you object to me handling your ass, Jay?”
Jared refuses to smile. “You shouldn’t have to. It’s been ten years. I should be over it by now.”
“There is no over it, Jay. Just through it. Didn’t all those months of counseling teach us that? It may have happened ten years ago, but you dreamed about it ten minutes ago. It is what it is.”
“You knew this would happen.”
“I did. I know you. That’s a good thing, in case you were wondering.”
“You’re supposed to be editing your movie.”
“It'll be there when I get back.”
“The studio – ”
“The studio can go fuck itself. You’re more important.”
“But – ”
“Work comes second. That’s what we decided. It always has and it always will.”
“Jensen.”
“Yeah, yeah. You love me. Blah, blah, blah.”
Jared shifts until he’s over Jensen, both arms bracketing Jensen’s head on the pillow. He rubs their noses together. “I do. I really, really do.”
Jensen’s eyes crinkle when he smiles. “Me too.”
“But tomorrow? You’re going back to Vancouver to finish your movie and I’m firing Kayla.”
“Fuck that, Jay. You’re giving her a raise.”
Jared laughs as Jensen pulls him down for a kiss. “Maybe.”
END