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“Wait, Abed, you never told us your secret!” Britta yelled, turning to Abed, accusatory. Annie and Shirley mumbled in agreement.
“I didn’t share one that night. After we got back from the woods, everyone was silent and not making eye contact. I didn’t know why, so I mirrored your behavior,” Abed lied.
. . .
“Can I tell you guys a secret?”
The study group was gathered around a campfire that no one really remembered making. The sky was full of stars that pulsed and swirled about the sky, more appearing as embers floated up from the undulating flames of the fire. The whole world was loose, painted with broad brushstrokes, all the colors running together. Logically, Abed could tell he was on some type of mind altering substance, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“I was at the grocery store with my kids, and I thought I saw Andre walk by with another woman,” Shirley said, staring up at the swirling sky. Abed thought distantly that she must be seeing angels.
“I. Love. Women,” Jeff interrupted, to which Britta and Annie lazily agreed.
“I’m gonna go take a growler,” Pierce said. No one acknowledged this.
“Anyway,” Shirley continued. “I wanted to follow Andre and the woman, so I left my kids at the magazine stand for just a minute, but somehow I lost track of time and ended up tailing them all the way out of town! It wasn’t even Andre. The horrible part is, I forgot my kids and left them all night in the grocery store!” She ended her confession in a strangled wail. The study group sat in a stunned silence. Abed tried to search his foggy brain for something grounding, some situation he’s seen before to base his reaction off of. Luckily, he didn’t have to, as Jeff began to speak.
“I found the perfect girl for me, but then, I met her kid,” he began, staring at the fire rather intensely. “I said it didn’t bother me, but truthfully, it did. I promised him I’d make it to his baseball game, but I bailed and never called again, and now… now I’m exactly like my dad.” Troy looked up thoughtfully at the sky, and Abed instinctively mirrored him. Britta shifted up from where she was laying. Abed looked at Troy.
“As you guys know, I am an activist… but the truth is, I’ve never voted except for when I watch the voice,” she confessed. So they were all spilling secrets. That made sense thematically. Maybe. Abed’s head felt like soup, and Troy looked really weird with the firelight hitting him like that. Like he was made of gold.
“I was struggling in History,” Annie said, timidly, picking at the nettles stuck to her jeans. “I’m normally the best, but I was slipping, so I let Cornwallis rub my feet to give me the answers to a test.”
“I caused the Greendale Fire of ‘03!” Troy blurted. Abed watched as Troy spoke. He looked so different. “Fifty-five acres went up in a blaze, and all because I burnt an ant hill!” He sobbed. The firelight dappled his face with a brilliant yellow light. It looked like he was crying liquid gold, like there was a halo around his head. Maybe Shirley wasn’t the only one seeing angels.
“I’m in love with Troy,” Abed said. It was the only real secret he had, and he had to tell one to keep the balance. Somewhere in the back of his head alarm bells and sirens were going off, but at this moment he was so wholly enamoured with the angelic figure in front of him that he ignored them. The study group murmured about him, already forgetting what all has been shared. At some point, Troy had looked over at him, and was staring at Abed with wide eyes. His pupils were fully dilated, and his mouth hung slightly ajar. His eyes were such a rich, deep brown, and as the firelight danced in them, it looked as if his irises were splitting and mutatung shape, swirling about and taking a new form, only to be ripped apart and formed again. Abed wondered if it hurt. Abed wondered if he looked like that too.
. . .
After the study group had spilled their secrets sober, Troy and Abed went back to their apartment to watch Inspector Spacetime as the others went to Skeefer’s. They sat on their usual spots on the couch and Abed queued up the new episodes. As he scrolled through his DVR, Abed felt a kind of itch in his hand. He lied to Troy. Well, not just to Troy, he lied to the whole study group, but that didn’t make him feel any better. They had agreed not to lie to each other, and they upheld that agreement. It was why they were such good friends, why they never fell into the miscommunication trope. Before, it wasn’t lying, it was just not telling him, but now he had told a direct lie that involved Troy, which was explicitly against the rules.
“Hey, buddy, you okay?” Troy asked, snapping Abed out of his quickly spiralling thoughts. “You passed the episode like, thirty episodes ago.” Abed refocused his eyes to the TV, and sure enough, he had reached the bottom of his recorded episodes list.
“Sorry,” he said shortly, quickly finding the episode and playing it. They sat in a tense silence as the episode played. Abed worried his lip, focusing intently on the screen, purposefully ignoring the looks Troy shot him. The episode ended, but when he went for the remote to play the next one, Troy snatched it before he could get to it.
“Abed, you’re acting weird. You haven’t told me a single fun fact about the writing choices of this episode and it’s kind of freaking me out,” he said, holding the remote close to his chest. “What’s going on, man? Did the whole woods thing freak you out? I know you don’t like taking things that do stuff to your brain.” Abed felt his cheeks grow warm at Troy’s concern for him. He couldn’t keep this from him. It was too important. He was too important.
“I’m going to tell you something,” he said, slowly, calculating his words as he said them. Troy looked expectantly at him, not pressing, just curious. “I doubt this will make it into the episode - honestly, I hope it doesn’t - but you need to promise to still be my friend after I tell you.” Troy lit up, realizing what Abed was saying.
“Of course! You didn’t judge me for my secret, I won’t judge you for yours!”
“You promise?”
“I pinky swear.”
The two intertwined their pinkies, looking intensely at each other. Abed’s gaze was deadly serious, and Troy tried his best to replicate the look to assure him that he was serious too. Satisfied, Abed took a nervous breath.
“I said that I was in love with you.” Troy’s eyes widened, and his mouth opened, just slightly. He looked like he did that night in the woods. Abed couldn’t read his face, and it sent panic shooting through him. Usually he could read him just fine, but this was a new face, one he didn’t recognize, one he didn’t know the translation for.
“Your face changed,” he said lamely, beginning to hyperventilate. The words came out like syrup. Not now. Not now not now not now. Troy seemed to start working again, his eyebrows tilting up and his mouth closing over his tongue but not quite over his teeth. That’s worry, or maybe pity. He couldn’t tell right now. Abed cracked his knuckles and fingers. That’s not how people react to love confessions. He’d done something wrong. He’d messed it up.
“Abed, hey-”
He messed it up. Troy pities him. Of course he does, this has probably happened to him before. Some poor nerd falling for him, someone so far below him socially he doesn’t even register them as an option. He’s gonna let him down gently.
“Abed-”
Sometimes lies are good. Sometimes lies are for self preservation. Some lies are worth that guilt. But now he’s lost Troy, lost his best friend, his first friend-
“Abed!” Troy yelled, grabbing both his arms and shaking him slightly. Abed looked up at Troy, whose eyes were wide and panicked. “Abed, it’s okay, you’re okay. I’m not mad at you.” He quickly let go of Abed and sat back, away from him. “Sorry for touching without asking. I just… I saw you were going somewhere bad.” Abed nodded, blinking quickly. He drew his legs up to his chest and nestled his chin into his knees, staring at Troy’s feet.
“Can I hold your hand?” Troy asked, and Abed nodded. His hand was warm and soft, steady and grounding. Abed nodded again, thanking him. They stayed like this for a while, breathing together, holding hands.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Troy asked quietly. Abed looked at Troy and nodded. “I never had a best friend before. Like, in highschool, I had people who did stuff for me cause I was cool and popular, and I thought that was what friends were. So when I met you, and when we became best friends, I thought it felt different because I’ve never really had a friend before. It made me nervous, and I wanted to make sure you really liked me, which I never felt like before, and it was kinda scary, right? But it was also really great, cause I can be me around you, and I've never felt that before either. And I was talking to Britta about what happened at the Inspecticon, and how I was so jealous of that guy you were with, and…” He trailed off for a moment, tightening his grip on their conjoined hand. He suddenly turned to Abed, eyes shining.
“I’m in love with you too, Abed. I think I’ve been in love with you since I met you.”
It was Abed’s turn to stare. Troy’s expression finally made sense. It was love. It was genuine love and adoration. Tears welled in Abed’s eyes as he felt completely overwhelmed with the realization that he was truly, genuinely loved by Troy. Words failing him, he threw himself at Troy, hugging him as tight as he could and burying his face into his chest. Troy hugged him back, squeezing as tight as he could, smiling into Abed’s hair.
“I love you too.”