Chapter Text
Dorian covered his yawn with the back of his hand but knew that it hadn’t slipped by Emile, the other man’s eyes narrowing thoughtfully at him over the edge of his glass. “How remiss of me not to ask Ren, but where have you been sleeping?”
Dorian mocked a gasp. “Why Magister Ducat, there are just questions a proper gentleman doesn’t ask.”
“A fact I’ll be sure to pass on to my father the next time I see him,” Emile countered.
“It’s fine Em, really. I have a perfectly serviceable chair in the…oh don’t give me that look.”
“There is no good reason why you aren’t sleeping in your perfectly serviceable bed Dorian.”
No good reason other than it would just be wrong, would feel wrong, even if nothing were to happen. Even now, as pissed as he is at Bull, he knows better than to compound the issue by dragging one of his few remaining friends from home into it. “You are absolutely…”
“Dorian?” There is no missing the hesitancy in Bull’s voice even before he looks up to find uncertainty written clearly on his lover’s face.
“Bull?”
“I needed, that is, I wanted…Veshedan. I wanted to apologize for the other night. I spoke rashly and…”
“Rashly? Rashly?” Dorian stuttered. No, rashly was accusing him of being a blood mage just because he was an Altus. Rashly was assuming he bought slaves because he was from Tevinter. Dorian had been spoken to ‘rashly’ by people from the moment he’d joined the Inquisition.
What Bull had done was tear him apart. Had struck a blow at a part of him he’d only ever let two others see, and those two had caused Dorian to be ostracized from his homeland. Overwhelmed by memories best forgotten Dorian found himself throwing Emile a panicked glance. He couldn’t have said what he was looking for from his friend but when Emile just nodded slightly Dorian found himself fleeing the tavern without another word.
That his feet would lead him to the storage room containing all of Felix’s books didn’t surprise Dorian. There was something comforting about being surrounded by things that Felix had loved. Pulling books at random from an open crate Dorian realized he knew these books almost as well as he did the ones from his father’s library. His presence in the Alexius household had started long before he became Alexius’s apprentice, before he had disappointed his father beyond all redemption.
Sinking down to sit on the floor, Dorian leaned his head against the crate behind him and sighed. It would seem he was destined to disappoint those he cared for. He couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with him that he just couldn’t seem to get it right. Why it was so damn wrong for him to simply want to be enough for someone without having to constantly prove himself.
“It’s not wrong Kadan.”
Venhedis! Dorian sprung to his feet, wiping an errant tear away as he cursed himself for having spoken aloud. “What are you doing here Bull?”
“Your Emile told me where I could find you.”
“Fasta vass, he’s not my Emile,” Dorian growled, spinning to face his lover.
“That’s almost a shame,” Bull admitted with a wry grin. “I was starting to think we should keep him, he’s certainly better at guessing where you’ll be than I am.”
“Yes, well now you’ve found me. Go away.”
“I don’t think so Kadan.”
Dorian flinched at the endearment. “I told you not to call me that.”
“Whether I say it or not doesn’t change the truth behind it Dorian.” Bull’s words were confident, but Dorian could see the uncertainty on the warrior’s face. The line of tension that told Dorian Bull was struggling not to move closer, to let him have some space. “I was wrong to accuse you of sleeping with Emile. Not only because it was a stupid thing to say but because I know that you would never do that.”
“I don’t understand why you would think it in the first place.”
Dorian was surprised to read embarrassment clearly on Bull’s face, his lover biting his lower lip nervously before admitting, “I was jealous.”
Dorian couldn’t help his snort of derision before he realized Bull was entirely serious. “I didn’t think Qunari…”
“Yeah, well as Krem was only too happy to point out you seem to be bringing out a lot of new emotions in me Kadan. I don’t know if it’s because I’m Tal-Vashoth now or if it’s finally looking beyond what the Qun wants for me, but I was definitely jealous.”
“Em said…”
Dorian broke off at Bull’s slight growl, raising a questioning brow when a blush started across his lover’s cheeks. “Sorry, for some reason the nickname…”
“Ok, first, really? And second, you are aware that Emile is about as interested in me that way as Cullen aren’t you? Hell, Cullen might be more tempted.”
Dorian could have sworn he saw Bull’s shoulders relax slightly before his lover grinned wickedly. “Damn, and I had such delightful plans for the three of us.”
“I don’t share,” Dorian growled, surprising himself at the vehemence in his words.
“Agreed Kadan,” Bull assured his lover, his arms reaching instinctively for his mage before he forced them back down. In the end he resorted to sitting down on one of the multitude of crates in the room, pinning his own hands beneath his thighs to ensure he didn’t touch. “Tell me what I can do to fix this Dorian.”
He wanted to be able to tell his lover it was ok. That it was just a misunderstanding easily forgotten, but the hurt he still felt told Dorian it would be a lie. “I wish I knew Bull.”
Bull shifted uncomfortably, his need to fix things warring with his desire to not make things worse. There was no mistaking flash of pain in his eye as he spoke, “I can make this better though, right Kadan? Tell me I haven’t fucked it up that badly.”
Dorian couldn’t stop himself from going to his lover. An uncertain Bull was just not something he was used to seeing. It was humbling knowing that he mattered that much to the warrior. Still not quite able to embrace his lover, Dorian made due with laying a hand on Bull’s chest. “Nothing is beyond repair Amatus.”
Bull shivered at the endearment, tipping his head forward to rest his forehead against Dorian’s. Closing his eye Bull found the words flowing from his lips almost without thought. “I came home to a cold room that night Kadan and knew that I didn’t want to ever have that happen again. It was a frightening thought, to realize I wanted you that much and not know what you would say.”
“Bull…” Dorian’s tone was gentle even though Bull could feel the mage’s body tensing just from the hand that still rested on his chest.
“No, let me finish. I was determined to find you, to see if you wanted the same thing and then I saw you and Emile. I’m not exactly familiar with jealousy Dorian but when I saw the way you looked at him, it did something to me. And then Cole was there, telling me that you needed Emile and I…”
“Oh Bull,” Dorian’s words were accompanied by a slight shake of the mage’s head before his hands came up to frame Bull’s face. The kiss he placed on Bull’s lips was soft and made Bull hope. “I suppose Cole was right in his own way Bull, I had been missing you, you oaf, and Emile was a breath of fresh air in my dull day. And it was nice, being able to talk about Felix with someone who knew him as I did.”
“I’m sorry Kadan. I would like to hear some of those stories, I know he was important to you.”
“He was, just as Emile is,” Dorian admitted, hesitating only a moment before deciding to put his trust in his lover. “But I don’t need them Bull, not like I do you.”
“Dorian…” It was the only warning he gave before he finally allowed himself to pull his mage tightly to him. He was thwarted as he lowered his head to kiss his ‘Vint when Dorian instead yawned widely. Pulling back he arched a brow at his lover.
“Yes, well,” Dorian began, only to be interrupted by another yawn. “You sleep in a chair for two nights and see how awake you are.”
Bull’s chuckle was met with a glare. “Let me make it up to you Kadan, I know where there is a comfortable empty bed right this minute.”
“I supposed it would be too much to ask that you have the roof repaired.”
“Tonight perhaps, but does that mean you would consider staying longer term?”
“We shall see Amatus,” Dorian practically purred, his head dropping to Bull’s shoulder. His next words were almost lost on a yawn. “I think I would like that.”
It was enough, Bull decided. For now.