Archive of Our Own ^beta

The library was otherwise silent as you paced through the room, trying to gather the courage to knock on the door to Lucifer’s private office. He once said he could sense your presence outside the door, and you wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case now. Most likely, he was giving you time to calm yourself - you’d be surprised if someone couldn’t tell how nervous you were.

Maybe nervous wasn’t the right word. It’s not that you were worried, necessarily. You knew everything would be fine. “Hesitant” was a better description. Even though you knew realistically that there was nothing to worry about, you still dreaded the idea of actually talking about your situation. You weren’t exactly used to being vulnerable, and Lucifer could be a bit intimidating even in the best of circumstances.

Although, maybe you were a bit worried. Having this conversation would mean admitting that something was actually wrong, or, at least, that you weren’t quite as able-bodied as you’d liked to believe. It meant having to ask for help.

After this, you’d have to live the rest of your life with others knowing about your condition. Everyone always seemed to change after you told them about your symptoms. Suddenly they saw you as weak or whiny or dramatic and it sucked. You knew the demon brothers. You knew they wouldn’t see you as any of those things, but the fear and doubt lingered anyway.

You realized you were starting to spiral. If you continued down this rabbithole, eventually you’d panic and give up and have to go tell Beel that you couldn’t muster up the courage to just ask for help. You sighed and dragged yourself to the door. It’s now or never, you told yourself, and you knocked. 

“Come in.” You heard Lucifer’s voice from the other side of the door, and you did as you were told. Lucifer was sitting at his desk, sifting through a stack of papers about the height of your forearm.

“If you’re busy I can always come back later,” you offered. Something in your head told you that if you left now you’d never manage to come back, but you offered anyway. You didn’t want to be a bother.

He shook his head without looking up from the paper he was looking through. “No, please stay.” 

You fully entered the study and sat down on one of the (armless) armchairs. You situated yourself so that you were almost facing the back of the chair in order to face the desk. “You need to get an extra swivel chair or something, I feel so far away right now,” you joked. You couldn’t tell if Lucifer acknowledged your joke, so you went silent for a moment, waiting for him to acknowledge you.

When he didn’t, you spoke up again. “Hey… can we, uh, talk?” Your voice sounded wobbly as it came out and Lucifer must’ve noticed as well because he glanced up from the paper to you.

“Of course,” he responded, as if there wasn’t a 90% chance he’d do the “just a minute” thing over and over until you eventually gave up. “Is there something you’d like to discuss?”

You nodded. “Um, yeah. It’s about me.” Maybe you should’ve rehearsed this ahead of time - you were suddenly at a loss of words. “There’s-um-I think something’s seriously wrong with me.” This seemed to get Lucifer’s attention. He set down his pen and slid the paper to the side, fully looking up at you. “Like, medically,” You quickly elaborated. 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah. For almost as long as I remember, I’ve had a cocktail of health problems. I got pretty acquainted with hospitals as a kid, and as I got older, more and more things just kept popping up. First it was stomach issues, then it was migraines and back pain, then body-wide pain and exhaustion at doing simple tasks, and the newest problem has been vertigo and feeling like I’m gonna faint when I stand up or stay standing for too long. This kinda stuff has been happening since I was a little kid.”

You could tell Lucifer was deep in thought as he stared at you. You could understand that - usually humans had a hard time trying to process medical issues, so you assumed it was even harder for demons who didn’t seem to have these kinds of issues (plus, Lucifer hates not knowing the right thing to say, the prideful bastard). Still, you would’ve appreciated it if he could do his thinking without staring you down. You fidgeted uncomfortably and broke eye contact, choosing instead to look at your hands in your lap.

“...Okay,” he finally said. “So, you think these problems must be connected?” You looked back up at him and met his gaze again. What’s the deal with demons giving you these intense stares?

You nodded. “I feel like there’s too many factors for it to just be coincidental. Plus, it’s pretty unusual for children to have medical emergencies that usually occur in middle-aged adults.” 

It was his turn to nod. “Yes, I can’t imagine that’s a particularly common occurrence,” he agreed. “I can see why you’d be worried. Still, I do wonder: is there a particular reason for you to tell me this?” He tilted his head at you, a genuinely curious expression on his face. You knew Lucifer cared about you (as well as his brothers) much more than he let on, but still, it was nice to see he actually wanted to understand you.

Again, you nodded. You briefly wondered if the two of you were just going to hold the rest of this conversation by just nodding at each other. “So, um,” You awkwardly fidgeted and looked down at the papers on Lucifer’s desk. This was the part of the conversation you didn’t want to have - but it was also the most important. “Most days I can manage just fine. If the pain is really bad I’ll pop an Advil and ignore it, but there are days where I really can’t. I can’t eat a lot of foods without risking getting sick and I’m afraid one of these days I actually will pass out and seriously injure myself or something.”

You laughed awkwardly, trying (and failing) to clear up some of the tension in the room. “Plus, if it’s a degenerative condition like I think, it’s only gonna get worse over time. This isn’t going to magically get better no matter how much I pretend that it will, and I know I need to figure out what’s going on so I can manage it better. I’ve, uh-” You cleared your throat, aimlessly hoping it would un-stick the words stuck in your throat. “Beel’s been helping me out when I really need it and he, uh, really wants me to actually get help from, like, a doctor who knows what they’re doing. I guess it’s not really fair to him for me to rely on him without actually trying to be proactive and take care of myself.”

You returned your eyes to Lucifer’s to find him giving you a knowing look. How the hell does he know everything that goes on around here??

“Beel’s a good demon,” Lucifer responded. You thought you could see a hint of a smile on his lips. “He cares for you a lot.” You hummed in agreement and chose not to bring up that Lucifer also seemed to really care about you. “And I have to agree with him - and you - on this. You should be aware of your own health. I’ll arrange for you to see a doctor as soon as possible.”

“Preferably a human one,” You added.

“Of course.” He gave you a smile, and not just the superficial one you’ve seen him give Diavolo a million times. “I’m no expert on human healthcare, so please let me know if there’s a specific person you’d like to see.”

“I’ll text you the info of my usual doctor as soon as I double check the address and stuff,” you responded, to which he nodded. You pulled out your DDD to do so.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, before Lucifer called your name. You looked up at him from your DDD. “Thank you for trusting me with this. I know how much you dislike asking for, well, anything really.” 

You smiled. “Well, it helps that I’m not the only one in the room with way too much pride,” you teased. He quirked an eyebrow, giving you a look, but the air in the room was much lighter than it had been when you had entered. You leaned on the back of the chair in a less-than-comfortable position. “Feels nice to finally get this out there. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my chest.”

I’m glad,” Lucifer responded. You watched him stand and walk over to his shelf, where he grabbed two glasses and a bottle of Demonus. “Honestly, I was relieved when you walked through the door. I wasn’t getting much work done anyway, so I suppose a break was due.” He set the glasses on the table between the chairs and filled them both.

You turned in your chair and let out a sigh of relief, leaning back. “Oh thank fuck, my back was starting to really hurt,” You (half) joked.

Lucifer handed you your glass and you took a sip as he sat in the other armchair. You felt the distinct burn in your throat and it occurred to you that even though Demonus had no effect on you, it probably caused the same damage to your organs that human world alcohol did. Oh well, you could handle a little heartburn (at least tonight, anyway). “Hey, if there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable when you’re in pain, please let me know,” Lucifer said, and took a drink of his own glass.

You shook your head. “Most of the time there’s not really much that can help, but I’ll tell you if I think of anything. Plus, I’d like to be more honest about how I feel, and I think sometimes it would help just having everyone around me know when I’m having a flare up.” You could think of several times off the top of your head where you really should’ve told someone that your body was choosing not to cooperate. “But there are a couple things, I guess. Sometimes, when I wake up I can tell it’s going to be a nightmare of a day, and some days I feel like it’d be best for me to just not go to school. And some days I can’t eat a lot of foods without being in a lot of pain later, so if I don’t eat dinner or just make myself white rice or something like that, that’s why. I don’t want you guys to worry about that, because it’s pretty unpredictable and I know how to take care of myself.” Lucifer could probably think of a few times where you’d forced yourself to eat or only ate two or three bites before declaring that you weren’t hungry, so you didn’t need to explain too much. You could practically see him connecting all the dots as he listened.

When you finished, you waited a moment for him to decide on a response. You took another sip from the glass of Demonus, feeling it settle uncomfortably in your stomach. You weren’t lying when you said you knew how to take care of yourself, but that didn’t mean you always chose to do so.

“Yes, I figured there was something going on with your eating habits, I just didn’t know exactly what. You’re not exactly stealthy when you sneak around the kitchen at night after claiming to not be hungry.”

You felt yourself blush and looked down at your glass, giving him a sheepish smile. “Damn, and here I thought I was a vigilante in the making.” That one actually got a laugh out of Lucifer, which you took great pride in.

The two of you continued to chat long past what Lucifer would consider to be a reasonable break time - which you certainly weren’t going to comment on. As your conversation continued, both of you relaxed more and more, and talked comfortably about things you’d normally keep to yourselves. You told Lucifer about how you feared being brushed off by even more doctors, and he confessed that it pained him to know that there wasn’t much he could do to help. Still, he promised to stay with you during your appointments, both for your comfort and to ensure that you would be listened to.

Eventually, you checked your DDD and almost jumped at the time. “Holy shit, it’s almost dinner time!”

Lucifer checked his pocketwatch (who even carries those around??) and looked almost as surprised as you. “Time always seems to go faster with your company.” He stood up and stepped toward you, holding out his hand to help you out of your own chair. You chose not to comment on how time supposedly flies when you’re having fun. “I suppose we should make our way to the dining hall.”

“That sounds like a great idea, I’m starved,” you responded. You followed him out of his study, through the library, and out into the hall. It seemed cooler than his study, which made sense once you remembered that, for some reason, it had two fireplaces. You and Lucifer walked side by side to the dining hall, talking about nothing in particular, and you realized that you’d never felt so safe, whether it be in the Devildom or the human world. 

Huh, it was almost like having people actively support you made life easier.