Archive of Our Own ^beta

"I think we should break up."

I'm breaking up with you.

…

Yoongi's great. He's been great for almost a year now, ever since Jimin grabbed his courage with both hands and came up to him and stuttered-

"Hey uh, Y-Yoongi. I- look, I think you're cute, and I kinda like you, and I- do you wanna go grab ice cream with me after school maybe?"

It was like watching dawn break, the way a slow, secret smile bloomed on Yoongi's sharp features, a nerve-wracking moment of silence before a whispered "okay". It was as simple as that, really.

Yoongi's great. He makes the vicious little voices inside Jimin's head go silent. He makes the insecurities become laughably small. Insignificant. He makes Jimin feel wanted and worthy of his affection.

When he says, "I really like you," Jimin hears I really like you. He doesn't hear I'd rather date your classmate Mina or I'm just pretending.

Yoongi's great. Jimin's in love with him. Jimin's happy with him. Jimin's hoping it's gonna last forever.

Jimin's fucking naive.

…

Yoongi's wearing his no-expression expression. The unreadable blank face he sports when he has to go through tough moments or when he needs to bullshit his way out of something.

He's never used that face on Jimin before. That face makes the vicious little voices inside Jimin scream.

"I'm gonna be so busy with university, and so far away."

I'm not willing to spare some time to call you or visit you.

"I won't be able to give you the attention you deserve."

You're needy and clingy.

"I don't want us to drift apart, it'd be more painful."

I wanna get rid of you now.

"I really want to focus on my career."

Dating a highschooler is lame.

"I'm gonna miss you, though. I'm sorry, Jimin."

I'm not sorry at all but this conversation is getting awkward.

Jimin feels like he's standing right next to his own body, watching Yoongi rip his heart out and let it fall to the ground with a wet splat.

"Can we keep in touch?" he hears himself ask. "Can we still be friends?"

Yoongi nods, lips pinched tight, eyes empty.

"Of course, Jiminie."

Fat chance, loser.

…

They text, the first few weeks. The conversations are tense and stilted. Eventually, they stop.

…

"Jimin, I need to talk to you."

We're over.

…

Namjoon's great. Jimin's a little reluctant at first, but Hoseok insisted that they'd get along, and Taehyung said it might be good for Jimin to put himself out there again. It's been two years since Yoongi left (two years of silence, two years of pain).

But they do get along, really well at that. Namjoon is goofy and fun and smart, and Jimin admits that his friends were right in pushing him to go on that date.

Namjoon's great. He makes Jimin want to be better, not because he feels like he's not enough, but because self-improvement is so damn satisfying (the pride in Namjoon's eyes is so damn satisfying).

Namjoon's great. He makes Yoongi turn into a happy memory without trying to erase the pain. Jimin feels like life is good after all. Jimin hopes Namjoon and him could be forever.

Jimin's fucking naive.

…

"My application for that PhD in Harvard has been accepted."

Jimin stares. The expression on Namjoon's face is a contradictory mix of excitement and pain. Jimin wonders if it's better than blank. All he can think of is not again.

"Please don't break up with me," he blurts out, but his voice comes out all raspy, barely audible.

Namjoon takes his hand, squeezes it.

"I'm gonna be in America for at least three years," he says. "I like you a lot, Jiminie, but I don't think our relationship can last that long with that much distance."

You're not enough for me to want to try.

"When are you leaving?"

"Late August. The term starts in September."

Look how kind I am, warning you two months ahead.

"Can we at least- can we still be together over the summer?"

God, why is he such a slut for pain. Namjoon's eyes are sad.

"Isn't it gonna make it harder?"

I'd rather end it now.

Jimin shrugs.

…

They don't stay together over the summer.

When Namjoon leaves, Jimin doesn't bother trying to stay in touch.

…

Hobihobi: jiiiminiiiiie

Hobihobi: you working tonight?

Jiminie: yup, im closing up

Jiminie: why?

Hobihobi: wellllllllll

Hobihobi: im going out with jinnie and taetae and kookiiiie

Hobihobi: but

Hobihobi: more importantly, i have news

Jiminie: the suspense is killing me.

Hobihobi: rude

Hobihobi: okay no seriously look i don't know how youre gonna take it so im just gonna say it

Hobihobi: namjoon's back from the usa

Hobihobi: and he asked if we could meet up cause you know obviously

Hobihobi: and he said he wouldn't mind seeing you, too

Hobihobi: thats it

Hobihobi: you wanna see him or nah?

Jimin looks at his phone like it might turn into a deadly snake any second. Does he want to see Namjoon? Is that a trick question? Does he want to see the guy who broke his heart almost four years ago?

Jiminie: depends, am i allowed to punch his pretty face

Hobihobi: jiminie no :(

Jiminie: jiminie yes

Jiminie: nah i mean it's been 4 years im over it i can see him and not make it weird

Jiminie: ill join you when my shift ends, tell me where youre going

Jimin won't make it weird. He's capable of seeing his ex and greeting him and catching up and staying detached. (Stay detached. Jimin's been really good at that ever since Namjoon left. So detached some might even say cold.)

He'll go, say hi, looking good, Joon, and then ignore him the rest of the evening. Easy peasy. He's not gonna try and impress him (impress him with what? Namjoon's got a goddamn American PhD. Jimin's got… no diploma and a shitty job at a shitty fast food joint). He's not gonna show him how hard it's been for him, either. He's just gonna be friendly enough not to be rude, and cold enough not to risk getting hurt.

Simple, right? Jimin's been walking that line for four years. He's not gonna misstep now.

…

He missteps right away.

It goes like this:

Jimin walks into the bar. He's a little sweaty cause he biked there, still in the clothes he wore to work. He probably smells like he's been deep-fried. Well, no one to impress, right?

His phone buzzed repeatedly while he was riding, but among his numerous faults at least Jimin is responsible when on the road. He saw it was Taehyung spamming him anyway. His best friend has no patience whatsoever, and Jimin's late, so it's nothing worth risking his neck for.

Anyway, Jimin walks into the bar and it's not the beginning of a joke. (Well.)

He expects to spot the table with his friends immediately, the Tae-Jin-Hobi-Kookie combo being a rowdy bunch, but the first thing he sees is Namjoon. He's still tall as a freaking tree; Jimin takes a deep breath and walks over. He's not gonna make it weird. It's been four years, he's not gonna make it weird.

(He makes it weird.)

"Hey, sorry I'm so late! Got caught up at wo-"

His voice dies.

His soul escapes his body, walks out and takes the first train to Not Fucking Here.

Taehyung casts him a panicked glance, and tense silence stretches until-

"Jimin."

Yoongi's voice is as soft and gently raspy as Jimin remembers. Yoongi. What the fuck-

"Hi," Namjoon grins sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

Jimin just stands there, frozen in a loop of whythefuckisyoongiherewhywhatshit. Yoongi is avoiding his gaze, face as blank as the last time they talked. Namjoon looks a little awkward, but he seems to valiantly try to appear relaxed.

"Well, Jimin, wow! It's been so long. You look good!"

I didn't miss you at all, wow. Also is that ketchup on your hoodie?

Jimin's eyes threaten to plop out of their sockets.

"The fuck are you doing together."

He doesn't have enough brainpower to say it like a question. Taehyung visibly flinches.

"Ah, well, we met last year when I was still overseas, and we… we've been together ever since," Namjoon explains. "Small world, huh."

"Together," Jimin repeats.

His stomach is doing the weird hollow twisting thing like the rollercoaster is about to drop.

"Namjoon is my boyfriend," Yoongi eventually snaps, when clearly no one else is willing to spell the blinding truth.

The rollercoaster drops.

Yoongi did not say the word boyfriend. He did not.

"Ha," Jimin wheezes, his voice close to that of a strangled cat. "Ha, haa- funny. You two are together. Funny small world. Is that- is that your drink?" he asks Jin without looking at him, and entirely ignores the small yes but… before he drains the glass in one gulp, frowning like it personally offended his mother. "Whew, that was disgusting. Well! Nice catching up with you. Bye."

Jimin slams Jin's tumbler on the table, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and walks out of the bar.

…

Taetae: minie

Taetae: i hope you see this

Taetae: look uuuuhhhh so theres been a tiny little blip in tonights plans

Taetae: maybe dont join us at the bar and ill explain later

Taetae: fuck i hope you see this before youre on your bike

…

"I'm sorry, Minie," Taehyung whispers in his hair, as Jimin lays limp in his arms, gaze absently roaming his room.

His eyes are dry. He hasn't cried a single tear. Not that he doesn't want to, he just… feels so empty. A little angry, somewhere deep.

Namjoon and Yoongi are together. Okay. Jimin thinks that this is a little unnecessary and that the universe is a little uselessly cruel.

He can't even say he hates them. He doesn't. If he hated them, he wouldn't be so heartbroken. Or devoid of any heart, maybe.

He's not sad. He's just- numb.

…

It's fine. It's all fine. Really. Jimin tells Taehyung as much, as they walk side by side, Jimin pushing his bicycle next to him.

"It's fine. I'm fine. I was just- surprised, you know? But nevermind. My two exes are dating each other, no big deal. I guess it's not surprising, I got along with both of them so why wouldn't they get along with each other? I'm good."

What's that, Jimin? A sword across your heart? Ah, it's nothing. A mere fleshwound. Who cares. Jimin smiles at his best friend, bright and shallow. Tae sees right through him and Jimin knows it.

"You never even show yourself to me," Tae sighs. "How am I supposed to support you if you don't let me near?"

Jimin amps the brightness of his smile to eleven.

"There's nothing to support, I'm entirely fine! It's been so many years, Taetae. I don't care anymore."

His bicycle's front wheel squeaks as if to call him out on his lie. Tae kicks an invisible pebble on the pavement.

"If you say so…"

Jimin stops walking. His knuckles turn white on the handles of his bike.

"Tae."

"Yeah?"

"Please drop it."

"I'm just saying-"

"But what do you want me to do?" Jimin snaps. "What do you expect, Tae? Do you want me to spell it out? Yes, yes, I'm fucking hurt that neither of them would fucking warn me, I'm miserable, dammit, Yoongi couldn't even look me in the eyes when he said he was dating Namjoon! They must have had such a laugh, haha, funny, we both dumped the same guy! Small world! But what am I supposed to do about it, Tae? Bawl my eyes out? Throw a tantrum? Punch their faces? No! All I can do is suck it up and roll with it, so now please for the love of every single god in whatever weird pantheon you worship, drop it!"

Taehyung drops it.

…

Jimin better be fine, seeing as Yoongi and Namjoon suddenly become some sort of permanent fixture in his life. It was to be expected, given that Hoseok is ecstatic to reunite with his best friend, and wherever Namjoon is, Yoongi never trails far behind.

Jimin tries to avoid them at first, but he needs Hobi to help him through his coursework and Hobi seems to be glued to Namjoon. So Jimin goes for the next option: the North Pole attitude. Sure, it's a little awkward to be friendly to Hobi while barely acknowledging the two leeches occupying his couch, but it's either that or flinging himself out the window. Hobi lives on the seventh floor, and it might be hard to believe but Jimin actually wants to live.

Midterms are coming up. Whenever he's not flipping burgers and burning himself with boiling oil, he's at Hoseok's place, pouring over anatomy diagrams and textbooks and talking about choreo.

It takes four days for Namjoon to ask the obvious question. Jimin had been waiting for it, distractedly. With a sprinkle of spite.

"You still have exams? Haven't you graduated last year like Tae?"

Jimin raises cold eyes from his paper, one brow raised. For a second, he ponders what to answer. How to answer.

I failed my semester after you left and had to drop out for a year cause I lost my scholarship.

Sounds pathetic.

"Oh, yes, I have, I just love exams so much I'm retaking them for the fun of it," he deadpans, then goes back to his paper like Namjoon doesn't even exist.

And yes, maybe it's petty to act like this so long after they broke up, but Jimin just doesn't know how else to deal with it.

But nevermind how distant he is, Yoongi and Namjoon keep trying to talk to him. They come to eat at his workplace, and Jimin gives them the dead eyes-fake smile combo he gives every other customer.

"Hey, Jimin. When does your shift end? We wanna talk to you. Please?"

Yoongi's voice is tentative. Gentle. The kind of voice you use to talk to a feral cat. Jimin stares at a spot just above Yoongi's shoulder and smiles.

"Do you want fries with your burger?"

Yoongi visibly tries not to pout, and doesn't ask again.

…

Jimin passes his exams with flying colours, thank you very much. He might have lost a year but resentment is a ferocious kind of fuel for motivation, and he's never worked harder. Who cares about healthy coping mechanisms when you can get straight As with just a couple all-nighters and too much coffee.

Summer break is weird. He goes back home for a few days but he and Kookie are the last students in their little group, and Kookie stayed in Seoul with Tae.

So he comes back to the cupboard Tae and him share as a flat, picks up his shifts at work to try and save up a little money for the next semester, and uses that as a convenient excuse not to go out too much with the others. He can only take so much of slightly tipsy Namjoon and Yoongi making googly eyes at each other (and staring at him a lot, too).

…

They manage to corner him one night. They've been watching a movie at Hoseok's, the seven of them, and when it ends and it's time to leave, Jimin realises it's pouring outside. Full-on deluge, with the ominous threat of a thunderstorm looming in the distance.

Fuck.

"Fuck," Jimin says, looking at his bike, tied to the lamppost in front of Hoseok's building.

Tae winces, but it's not like he can do much about it, seeing as he's planning to take the subway to go home with Kookie.

"We… we could drop you off," Yoongi suggests. "I think your bike could fit in the trunk if we take the front wheel off."

Jimin wants to say he'd rather ride underwater than get in the same car as them, but fuck, he's gonna get drenched to the bone before he's even unlocked his chain.

"Sure," he answers like it's no big deal. "Okay."

Namjoon holds his umbrella above him while Jimin gets the chain and padlock off, and then keeps doing that on the short walk to the car, and then again while Jimin dismantles the wheel and gets the bike inside. Jimin just clenches his teeth and acts as if Namjoon isn't even there.

It's harder to pretend that they don't exist once he's in the back of the car and Yoongi's driving and he feels trapped, trapped, metal doors and cheap fabric seat covers closing in on him, Namjoon's low voice humming over the radio and vibrating down to Jimin's core-

"Jiminie," Yoongi starts, soft, just a whisper. "Can we talk? Please?"

Jimin closes his eyes to avoid Yoongi's glance in the rearview mirror.

"Yes we can, thanks to our larynx and tongue and shit," he retorts, but his voice comes out unsteady.

A bitten back sigh in the front seat. Jimin wants to scoff. So they're allowed to go all emo on him but a little pettiness is forbidden? Really? What's he supposed to say anyway, he's in a fucking moving car, it's not like he can avoid that conversation.

It's Namjoon who speaks next, and Jimin wishes he were deaf.

"Please, Jimin. We can't go on like this."

"I can go on like this plenty, thank you," Jimin shrugs. "Been going on like this for four years now. Close to seven in Yoongi's case. I've been fine not talking to either of you all this time, and just because you've decided to reappear in my life doesn't mean I have to be thrilled."

If silence were palpable, it'd feel like a goddamn brick right now.

"Jimin-" Yoongi tries, but cuts himself off. "Fuck, I knew it'd be hard to have that discussion…"

"You have to know this hasn't been easy on us either, right?" Namjoon states tentatively. "We've been talking about you quite a lot, now that we've realised my ex Jimin was the same person as Yoongi's ex Jimin. It's a fucking nasty coincidence that we've both broken up with you for similar reasons, but also… okay. I'm gonna speak for myself and let Yoongi say his bit after that. I didn't tell you back then because I'd made up my mind and didn't want to waver again, but I almost declined that position in Harvard. To stay with you. It tore me apart to leave you behind. And it's been four years, that's more than we've been together but… I still miss you, Jimin. I still have feelings for you. And I'm so fucking sorry to see what you've become, and know it's partly my fault."

Jimin pinches his lips between his teeth so hard he tastes blood. Thanks for basically saying I've turned to shit.

"Whole lotta good that does me," he whispers. "Don't you think you've hurt me enough? You're with Yoongi now. You can say all you want that you've been sad, but it was your decision. I wanted to try and stay together despite the distance. But you didn't."

"I'm not just saying that, Jimin. I'm telling you I've missed you like mad, and I regret ever breaking up with you. I want... well. I'd like to be with you again."

God please if you ever loved me just a tiny little bit let the car crash now-

"I can't believe you're telling me all of that right in front of your fucking boyfriend," Jimin snarls. "What the fuck, seriously. D'you really think I wanna be with someone like that? D'you really think I'd just take you back, oh yes, please, I've been waiting for you all this time, hoping away like a fucking princess in her castle? Nuh-uh. Tough luck, Joonie."

Silence again. Brick turns to uranium. Jimin almost feels his skin burn away with the tension.

He wants to get out of the car, but Yoongi's been driving around his neighbourhood in circles. They've passed his apartment building three times already. Fucking trap.

Yoongi clears his throat, white-knuckling the steering wheel.

"Jimin. Joon and I have talked about this even before we knew you were just one person. When we got together we both warned each other- I told Joon, look, I like you, and I'm willing to try but you need to know I still have feelings for my ex and I don't know how that's gonna play out. And he said, same. So we tried, and we bonded over the fact that we had similar stories. And then boom, it's you in both cases. Jimin. Jiminie- I've been stupid. I was stressed out and insecure and a fucking idiot, and I had no idea how to come back to you, I felt so fucking guilty. I still love you, even after all this time. And you've, you've grown so much, you've changed of course, but I still see the Jimin from highschool somewhere inside. I… I don't have much hope but I'd give anything for a second chance with you."

It's like having a live rat feasting on his gut from the inside out. Jimin wants to scream. He wants to throw up. He wants to fucking punch them both, make them swallow back their pretty words and pretty feelings and pretty apologies.

"Stop the car and let me out," he spits. "I didn't sign up for this shit, I don't want to hear your excuses and I certainly don't want to get involved in this weird-ass contest you have going on. None of you is getting me back."

"Jimin-"

"Stop the fucking car. Now."

Yoongi stops the car. Jimin unloads his bike on his own under the rain, slams the trunk shut and gets away as soon as his wheel is back in place. The car stays there until he's turned around the corner.

…

Jimin doesn't get a wink of sleep that night. When Taehyung comes home the next morning, with a sleepy Jungkook in tow and a bag full of takeout for breakfast, Jimin collapses.

Taehyung is seething by the time Jimin's done telling him everything. Jungkook, sweet, shy, innocent Jungkook pats Jimin's shoulder a little awkwardly despite his difficulties with physical contact, and offers to go break a couple of kneecaps.

Jimin thanks him for the offer, but he's gonna do that himself, no worries.

…

Yoongi: jimin? hoping you still have the same number

Yoongi: feel free to block me, i guess, but i just wanted to clarify something since we didnt get to the end of that conversation

Yoongi: theres no contest between me and joon, its not about making you choose

Yoongi: have you ever heard of polyamory? if not you could maybe look it up, or we could explain. but the gist of it is, you could be with both of us. we could be together, the three of us.

Yoongi: we know it's a lot. we're not expecting you to make a choice right now. take all the time you need, just… think about it? the offer will stand for as long as you need.

Yoongi: also i dont think ive said it but it makes me so happy to see you again. even if we dont get back together im just glad we found each other again.

Yoongi: okay ill stop spamming you now. take care.

…

Namjoon: good luck for the start of your last semester

Namjoon: i hope youre doing okay

Namjoon: we miss you

…

Jimin comes home on his birthday and finds his friends crammed inside his tiny flat. Taehyung, Jungkook, Hoseok and Seokjin all scream surprise! and Jimin grins and laughs and hugs them.

He's fucking relieved Namjoon and Yoongi haven't been invited. He almost hasn't seen them since that disastrous conversation in the car. He never replied to any of their texts (but he never blocked their number either).

Tonight, he decides he's gonna have fun and not think about them at all.

A few beers in, he's definitely thinking about them, and the alcohol loosens his tongue enough that he speaks about them.

The birthday party turns into some sort of therapy session. A little voice inside Jimin muses that it's sad he only manages to open up when he's drunk, even to the people that are closest to him. None of them say it out loud though. They just listen to Jimin and this never-ending limbo he got caught in.

In the midst of the retelling of Namjoon and Yoongi's offer, Jimin stops pretending this isn't exactly what he's been craving. He's mad and he's hurt and he's terrified but what Namjoon and Yoongi are suggesting is all of Jimin's deepest dreams tied together with a pretty ribbon. Wouldn't it be foolish not to grab it while he can?

"I don't know," Taehyung says. "I don't want you to get hurt again. I don't trust them."

Jimin doesn't, either. He trusts Taehyung though. Unconditionally.

"I think they're sincere," Hoseok counters. "I don't know Yoongi all that much, but I've known Namjoon since we were kids and I kept in touch with him while he was away. I know he was miserable without you, Jimin. He kept asking me about you. You were so happy together… it makes me sad that my best friends fell apart."

Jimin wants to trust Hoseok. But wanting and doing are two different things. When Namjoon left, it cracked something between them; they've stayed close, but it's not the same after you break up with the best friend of the guy who set you up.

"I agree with Hobi," Jin hesitates. "I think. I mean, I've only known them since they came back but they don't seem like the type to mess with people for fun."

Jimin likes Jin a lot. He's the eldest of their little group, and ever since he's started dating Hobi, he seamlessly melted into their dynamics. Jimin usually trusts his advice. Usually.

"None of us can choose in your stead," Jungkook concludes, "but whatever you do they better behave. The offer to break a few bones still stands, should they fuck up."

Jimin nods.

"I'm drunk but I'm not drunk enough to make a decision now. Maybe I won't want it when I'm sober again."

Right. He'd probably still want it if he were dead.

Funny how he's been desperate for them to take him back for all those years, and now that he can have it he falters. What if they leave again? 

Jimin's not sure he could take it. Jimin's not sure letting Jungkook break every single one of their bones would help.

…

Jimin: ive been thinking about it

Jimin: and im gonna be blunt

Jimin: you two fucked me up

Jimin: i have negative self confidence

Jimin: and i dont trust you

Jimin: so its probably the shittiest idea ever

Jimin: but man am i bad at making healthy choices 

…

Jimin's flipping burgers again when it happens. From the corner of his eye, he sees Yoongi in the waiting line, and suddenly he feels an intense mix of relief and disappointment that he's not manning the register today.

He focuses his gaze on his task, forbidding himself to glance back and let Yoongi know he noticed him. Barely a minute later, his coworker taps him on the shoulder.

"Hey Jimin, that guy over there asked when your shift ends."

Jimin pretends to think about it and looks at his watch like he hasn't been counting the fucking seconds since the moment he clocked in.

"In like, ten minutes or so. Tell him to wait outside if he doesn't order anything."

(Nine minutes and thirty seven seconds. Thirty six.)

"Kay," she shrugs, and walks back.

Jimin goes back to his burgers without looking at Yoongi. He doesn't want to know if he's gonna wait or not.

Ten minutes and twelve seconds later, Jimin has gotten rid of his apron, clocked out, and left the fast food joint by the back door to get his bike from the small employee parking lot. He rounds the building and finds Yoongi leaning against the front wall, hands in his pockets, frowning at the pavement.

"Hey."

Yoongi all but jumps at Jimin's voice, getting off the wall like he's been electrified.

"Jimin! Hi. Hi," he stammers, earning a raised brow from Jimin.

"Namjoon isn't here?"

Jimin almost winces at his lack of tact, but he's too nervous to really care. Yoongi shakes his head.

"Still at work. He knows I'm here though. Do you, uh… goddammit, why am I so awkward-"

"You've always been awkward."

"Yeah," Yoongi chuckles weakly. "Yeah. Look, neither Joon nor me is sure your texts count as a yes, so… I guess I'm here to clarify. And ask if you wanna grab takeout and have dinner at ours. Something other than burgers, I'm guessing you're kind of sick of that."

Jimin stares at him for a while. He's mostly trying to process. Part of him realises that this is an easy out. Part of him wonders if this is Yoongi trying to get out. Part of him reels and gets defensive and spiteful and stupid, and it's that part who talks.

"It was a yes. Is a yes. Also yes for takeout. Jajangmyeon?"

"Oh. Okay- okay. Wow. Yeah," Yoongi stutters, and then- and then he smiles, wide and happy, and Jimin is thrown back so many years he has to clutch his bike so as not to fall over. "Let's go then, I know a nice place nearby, and then we can go home and wait for Joon."

Jimin hums.

"Hop on," he says, mounting his bicycle.

Yoongi gapes for a second, then frantically nods and climbs behind Jimin, standing on the little horizontal bars screwed onto the wheel hub. He tentatively grips Jimin's shoulders for balance, and off they go.

They used to do this all the time, on the way to highschool and back, on weekends to go on adventures together, racing Taehyung around the block and complaining that they're heavier to explain their defeat. They used to go to the local skate park, and Jimin would do lame tricks to make Yoongi laugh, and then they'd grab hotteok or ice cream and watch the actual talented people do impressive jumps and flips. They used to do this, Yoongi standing behind while Jimin would pedal with all his might, and it felt good. Freeing. Exhilarating, wind in their faces, recklessly leaving their helmets hanging onto the handles.

Right now it's a little more careful, Jimin is actually wearing a helmet, and he's being especially cautious of his passenger. Downtown Seoul's traffic is trickier than Daegu's rural outskirts. Still, Jimin feels like Yoongi's hands on his shoulders are burning in the best kind of way. Everything might be alright after all.

They get the food, and bike back to Yoongi's and Namjoon's apartment building. It actually has a bike rack in the back, which is more than Jimin can say about his own, but the flat in itself is even smaller than the one he shares with Taehyung. There's only one bedroom, and the living room and kitchen are just one rather small space, but it's…nice. A little empty, a little bare. There aren't any of Taehyung's random canvases, nor Jimin's dance stuff strewn everywhere, nor abandoned dishes. It's rather clean and tidy, apart from the desk in the corner, covered in what Jimin recognises as Yoongi's music equipment and various books probably belonging to Namjoon.

"Want something to drink?" Yoongi asks from the kitchen area, where he went to put the food in the oven to keep it warm until Namjoon arrives.

Jimin shrugs.

"Wouldn't say no to tea," he admits. "My fingers are freezing off."

Yoongi hums and puts the kettle on, then he walks back to Jimin, facing him with some kind of hesitation on his face. Apprehension. Anticipation? Jimin can't know. He doesn't know how to read Yoongi anymore.

Then there's a tentative hand on his wrist, thumb gently stroking the skin, and another softly pushing his hair back from his eyes. Yoongi smiles, small and shy, eyes full of questions and hope.

Jimin's voice fails him. He just takes the missing step, leans into Yoongi's light touch-

They fall into each other's arms. They don't even kiss yet, it's just a hug, tight, tight, breathing in and out together. Yoongi slightly shakes against Jimin.

"I missed you so much, Jiminie," he whispers hoarsely into Jimin's neck. 

Jimin sighs into the embrace, tightens his arms even more around Yoongi's shoulders, dives his fingers into Yoongi's hair. He tugs it back a little, just enough to make Yoongi lift his face off of his neck and look at him.

"I'm here now," Jimin says, and it somewhat feels like they've exchanged their lines- Jimin is the one who missed Yoongi, and Yoongi's the one who came back.

Yoongi presses his lips together, and his eyes are shining with unshed tears. How dare he cry now, Jimin thinks. How dare he steal my position. How dare he make it look like he was the sad, heartbroken one. So Jimin doesn't let him speak more, doesn't give the tears time to fall; his hands at the back of Yoongi's head pull once more, until they're so close their breaths dance together, until-

-how do you kiss someone you used to love, close to seven years later, when all you want to say is hello, welcome back, but what you actually say is you hurt me so bad I don't think I can forgive you just yet? How do you kiss someone you used to love, close to seven years later, when what you should say is I'm sorry I was foolish please forgive me and all you end up saying is I hurt myself too please heal me-

- they kiss, and it's slow and tentative and it tastes a bit like tears. It's a strange kiss, really. They used to be so natural, so effortless, and now it's like they've forgotten how to hold each other.

But then Yoongi tilts his head a little and he sighs and he parts his lips, and Jimin stops thinking so much. Better. Way better.

They don't even hear the kettle clicking off. Jimin's found another way to warm his fingers anyway.

 …

When Namjoon arrives, Jimin is lying on top of Yoongi on the ratty couch. They're fully clothed, mind you, still slowly kissing and holding each other, hands only wandering to bring softness everywhere they can reach.

So Namjoon arrives and goes oh, a quiet sigh in the quiet flat, but it's enough to make Jimin give one last peck to Yoongi's mouth and stand up.

He only has to take four steps to reach Namjoon and grab his collar and pull him in. Thud, makes Namjoon's bag as it's dropped to the floor. Oh, Namjoon sighs into Jimin's mouth before he kisses him back, his arms winding around Jimin and squeezing. Oh, Yoongi says, soft and quiet behind Jimin, like he didn't expect this but doesn't mind at all.

This kiss is somewhat easier than the previous one- Jimin has already stopped thinking. Namjoon tastes like the cold outside and something sweet like he ate candy on his way home.

They're awkwardly interrupted by Namjoon's stomach rumbling, and Jimin laughs against his lips, kissing them once more, twice, then the tip of Namjoon's nose.

"We bought jajangmyeon," he says, and isn't that the weirdest first words to say after this kind of kiss?

Namjoon smiles, a little shaky.

"Sounds great. You staying for dinner?"

"Obviously."

"Sounds even greater," Namjoon grins, and he kisses Jimin again.

…

Jimin wishes he could say it's like no time has passed at all, and everything is bright and perfect.

He wishes he could say the voices inside his head stay silent, and his self-confidence grows back like dandelions in the spring.

He wishes he could say his trust in Yoongi and Namjoon just reappears, poof, right there on the doorstep with a suitcase in hand, sorry my vacation took so long but here I am, and the whirlwind of doubt inside his head leaves.

But even that first night of tentative cuddles and kisses and warmth, Jimin knows.

And after a couple weeks, Jimin only feels the late autumn cold.

…

It's not even the voices. It's not even his own lack of self-confidence. It's not a specific trigger, really- he just… waits. Waits for the shoe to drop. Waits for them to say they're leaving again. Waits for it to just fizzle out.

Jimin's quite the expert in denial. He's spent years ignoring his own feelings for the sake of his sanity. But right now even he can't pretend this relationship is healthy and functional.

He's only half in it, one foot out of the door already, incapable of getting involved more.

It's a terrible thought to have when you're lying in bed naked between your two equally naked boyfriends.

Weirdly, sex isn't as awkward as the rest of it. The first time was, of course, as first times are bound to be- especially considering it was Jimin's and Yoongi's actual first time together (prude little highschoolers they were, never daring to go further than rushed handjobs in the dark), while both the Namjoon-Yoongi and the Namjoon-Jimin duos had experience. But the next times, if Jimin's honest, were probably the best parts of their unsteady relationship. Possibly because Jimin doesn't think during sex. His body takes control over his mind, and he lets himself feel the heat and want and searing touches. He doesn't need to trust sexual partners on an emotional level.

But now, cooling down, Jimin's brain is kickstarted back into action.

"God, I love you," Yoongi sighs into his hair.

I like your body.

"I'm so glad you're here," Namjoon groans against his skin.

You're a nice sex toy.

"I gotta go home," Jimin mumbles, only to be squeezed tighter in the double embrace. "I got early classes tomorrow."

"I can drop you off on my way to work," Yoongi grumbles.

Jimin shakes his head, as much as he can while pressed into the pillow. His body is spent and sated, and truly, the idea of getting out in the cold and having to ride his bike all the way to his own flat is anything but pleasant. But the idea of staying here in between Yoongi and Namjoon is enough to push him back upright and off the bed.

He's fully clothed and pulling his boots on when Yoongi appears, vaguely wrapped into his robe, a slight frown on his brow. His eyes are sad.

"You never stay the night," he says softly.

You're barely more than a hookup.

"You're too far away from campus. Friday night maybe? I work the last shift but I could come over after that."

Yoongi smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Okay."

I don't really care.

Jimin grabs Yoongi's lapel and pulls him into a quick kiss.

"Go back to bed, Joon's getting cold," he whispers against his lips, before he steps back to slip into his coat. "Bye, Joonie!" he adds louder, door already open.

There's no answer. Jimin clenches his teeth on his way down the stairs. It's like they're not really together. They're little more than friends with benefits- only they're not even friends.

…

Jimin goes home over winter break. It's his last break till he finally graduates, so he's determined to take some well-needed rest and enjoy his family and his home, before he has to work double until his finals.

Yoongi and Namjoon drive him to the train station, kiss him goodbye in the car and walk with him onto the platform. Jimin's stomach is in knots- it's just over a week, but he feels like it's eternity awaiting.

…

Yoongi: hey you

Yoongi: i miss you…

Yoongi: happy new year, jiminie

Namjoon: happy new year!!

Namjoon: i hope you're having fun with your family! how are they? say hi for me?

Namjoon: can't wait for you to be back!

Yoongi: tell me when your train arrives so we pick you up

Yoongi: love you

…

Jimin wishes his train would never arrive.

It does, though. 

…

"I need to talk to you two."

I can't go on like this.

…

It's just a week after Jimin has come back from Daegu. His coursework is already exploding, his manager at work is asking him to do stupid hours, and Yoongi and Namjoon are- ugh. Jimin can't cope with that much pressure, so he does the only thing that seems like it would relieve him.

He tells Taehyung beforehand, so he has someone to come back to after the deed is done. His best friend hugs him tight.

"I kinda knew it would come to this," he whispers. "I'm here for you, Minie. I think you're making the right choice, as hard as it may be."

It's not that hard, to be honest. Painful, yes, but it might be the easiest decision Jimin has ever made.

"I need to talk to you two," he says, and he can read on his boyfriends' faces that they already know.

Yoongi stares at him. Namjoon hums, quiet, to let him know they're listening.

"I can't… I need to stop being with you. Both of you. I just- I can't deal with it."

"You- you're breaking up with us?" Yoongi asks, and his voice is tight and raspy and desperate already, but Jimin marches on.

"I am. I- look, I'd say I'm sorry but I think we all know this wasn't working."

"It was working for me," Namjoon pipes up weakly. "We were finally reunited, Jimin, none of us it going anywhere, please-"

"Don't- don't try to change my mind," Jimin begs, screwing his eyes shut. "God, how can you even say that, fuck- I'm sick of pretending this is alright. None of this is alright! Look at it, dammit, open your goddamn eyes- we're not reunited. Not the way you're trying to convince yourselves we are. You're- you're trying to date someone that I'm not. It's been fucking years, I've changed, you've changed, we can't just hop back into what we had and expect it to work! I'm not your friend from highschool, Yoongi, not anymore. And I'm not the guy Hoseok set you up with, Joon! But you're not even trying to get to know who I am now!"

They're silent. Jimin takes a shaky inhale. Ignores the tears in Namjoon's eyes. Ignores the way Yoongi's face goes blank.

"Maybe…" Namjoon croaks. "Maybe we've been so caught up in trying to have you again we forgot it had been so long. Can't we… can't we try again? Is it really too late to get to know each other again?"

Jimin shakes his head.

"I don't think I can do that. And I don't think it would be healthy. What if you discover that the new me is not someone you wanna be with? I can't… I can't deal with you dumping me again. I'm sorry. I… fuck, don't go thinking I didn't hope for this to work. I've been miserable without you two, but I think it's even worse when we're together. I'm just… I'm just waiting for the moment it ends."

Namjoon is actually crying now, curled on his couch, his legs folded against his chest and his arms tight around his knees. Yoongi's sitting as still as a statue, but despite his blank face, his eyes are shiny. Jimin wishes he didn't have to make them cry, and yet, the spiteful part of him sort of gets off on their tears. It's so fucked up he feels sick.

"Jimin," Yoongi whispers. "I… I'm sorry we made you feel like that."

"I think I understand," Namjoon sniffles. "I don't like it but I understand. But I love you, Jiminie."

Jimin wipes his own eyes on his palms.

"You love an idea of me. And I love an idea of you. It's not real."

Yoongi slowly nods, then gets up from the couch.

"Okay," he sighs defeatedly. "Jimin, can I… can I hug you one last time, please?"

Jimin stands up from his chair and nods. Yoongi all but falls into his arms, shaking as he tightens his arms around Jimin's waist.

"I'm sorry," he repeats, voice muffled into Jimin's shoulder. "I wish there was something I could do to fix this."

Jimin squeezes him once, then steps back, hands holding Yoongi's shoulders.

"I don't think this is something you can fix. I just… I need to be able to live without you, and without being dragged down by the thought of you. Honestly… I think this is it, actually. Closure. I've been sort of waiting all this time, stupidly hoping that either of you would come back to me, but I've got proof that it doesn't work. So yeah. It's over. For good. I'm not waiting for you anymore. And you shouldn't be waiting for me either."

Namjoon unfolds himself from the couch and tentatively opens his arms. Jimin hugs him as tight as he can, just for a few seconds, then pulls away.

"Bye," he breathes.

When the building's heavy door clicks behind him, Jimin realises he has never felt lighter.

…

Jimin's too busy studying to focus on his feelings much, but during his rare downtime, he allows himself to be sad. Weirdly, it's so much easier now to let himself mope around, to cry in Taehyung's arms, to finally let it all out. To get rid of three breakups' worth of tears. He knows it's for the best. Who would have thought acknowledging one's feelings and dealing with them instead of hiding them under the rug would help, huh.

Somehow, Taehyung seems happier, too. Jimin apologises for keeping him at arm's length for so long. Tae just smiles and hugs him tighter.

"You're my best friend, Minie. I'm just happy you trust me again, even if it's because you're sad."

"I don't trust you because I'm sad," Jimin corrects. "I trust you because you're my best friend, and I realised I needed your support. I'm sad but I'm gonna be alright, thanks to you."

Hoseok is a little cold for a while- a few days, at most, because he's a piece of sunshine at heart and he can never stay mad for long- and then he tells Jimin he understands, and asks if he needs help for his choreo.

Final week comes, and it's a rush. When it ends, Jimin feels like he's been underwater; it's unsettling to be free, entirely free. He's done.

He ropes Tae, Kookie, Hobi and Jin into going out with him, and they all get wasted, and it's a great night full of laughter and stupid shenanigans. Jimin gets the hangover of the century, but he couldn't care less.

He takes some time to go back to his family, celebrates with them as well- although with less alcohol. He has a few weeks before he starts working at the same studio as Hoseok (the job offer has been standing ever since he filled in for Hobi for a few weeks, when he sprained his ankle the year before).

It's nice. It's been three month since he last saw Yoongi and Namjoon. He does miss them, but not the way he used to. It's a dull ache now, instead of the sharp pain he's lived with for so long. He's finally okay with it. He's living for himself now.

…

Jimin's walking around the neighbourhood with his brother, a little aimlessly, just to enjoy the bright weather and the slightly kinder temperature. They're not really talking, just a few words here and there, peacefully breathing in each other's company.

They're rounding the corner to the playground they used to camp at when they were kids when Jihyun speaks again.

"Hey Minie, look, isn't that- what's his name, the guy you used to date in highschool? Min something?"

Jimin's eyes grow wide. Damn, he'd entirely forgotten that Yoongi's family lived in the same area. He didn't think about it, really, and he didn't expect Yoongi to be in Daegu- but it's definitely him, sitting on his own on one of the swings in the middle of a playground full of energetic children.

"Yoongi," he eventually answers, a little distractedly.

His brother nudges his shoulder, teasing. He has no idea Jimin ever met Yoongi again after highschool. To him, it's just a funny coincidence.

"Wanna go talk to him? Or are you still mad that he broke up with you?"

"You're just as full of tact as ever, huh," Jimin manages to chuckle. He's about to say that he's good, he doesn't need to go talk to him, when Yoongi lifts his gaze from his shoes and catches sight of him. They stare at each other for a while, and then Yoongi tentatively waves. "Yeah, I'm gonna go say hi."

Jihyun laughs.

"Okay. I'd rather not witness that, if you don't mind, it's bound to be awkward as heck."

"S'fine," Jimin smiles. "Don't wait for me."

Jihyun ruffles his hair, the brat, and turns around while Jimin walks into the playground. He plops down onto the swing next to Yoongi's.

"Hey," he says, the shadow of a smile still on his lips.

Yoongi's back to staring at his shoes.

"Hey," he whispers.

"Didn't know you'd be there," Jimin comments, and Yoongi shrugs.

"I'm only here over the weekend. I'm leaving tonight."

Jimin hums, and then the cogs in his head finally start turning. Oh.

"Happy birthday," he offers, a little shyly.

Yoongi glances at him, briefly. He looks tired. Exhausted, even. Jimin winces.

"Thanks," Yoongi answers, his voice still low, raspy as ever.

"How… how are you?"

He didn't mean to ask, he's not sure he's ready for the answer, but his mouth took control over his brain. It's weird, in a way, to be the one to feel good for once. He does feel good, even though it's a little tense right now.

Yoongi shrugs again.

"M'alright," he grumbles, and Jimin hears the lie. "Y'know how it is with my family. I come back for my birthday and all they do is criticise all my fucking choices. Shouldn't have gone into music, shouldn't have left Daegu, should stop messing around with men and settle with a nice girl already… the usual."

Jimin grimaces.

"Fuck, they're still giving you shit over all of this? Why you even come back home is beyond me."

It would be overstepping, if they hadn't had this conversation a million times back when they were together in highschool. Yoongi's family was never supportive of his choices. They tolerated Jimin because they were sure it was just a phase, something that wouldn't last. Well Jimin didn't last but Yoongi's sexuality did.

Yoongi lets out a hoarse chuckle, and vaguely gestures in the direction of the two kids wreaking havoc in the sand pit.

"I only come back for those two. Ah, damn, you've never met them, huh? They're my brother's kids. They're… well they're worth getting trampled on by my parents."

Jimin smiles.

"They're cute."

"The cutest," Yoongi grins, and for a second he looks happy and relaxed, and then the clouds cover his face again. "Anyway. I'm taking the train back to Seoul tonight, so I'm trying to enjoy a little time with them."

"I bet you're the cool rebellious uncle to them," Jimin teases.

"I wish! They're too young to understand the rebellious part. But I do bribe them with candy and generally spoil them, so I'm still the cool uncle."

They're silent for a moment, a strangely comfortable silence. It's nice how they managed to talk without drowning in overanalysis of each other's words, no expectations beyond catching up a little, somewhat awkwardly but with no grudge hindering them.

"How are you doing?" Yoongi asks after a while, a little tentative. "I'm guessing you've graduated, so… congrats?"

"I'm doing good, actually," Jimin nods. "Thank you. I have a few weeks of downtime, I finally quit that damned job at the fast food place. I'm starting at Hobi's studio next month, as assistant to the contemporary teacher. If it goes well I'll have my own classes to teach in a few months."

"Wow, that's great. You're doing what you've always wanted, right? I'm glad."

Yoongi's tone is a little forlorn, but Jimin can feel the sincerity in his words.

"Thanks. I'm really happy." He hesitates for a while, but he sort of needs to address the matter, so- "how's… how's Namjoon?"

Yoongi averts his gaze.

"He's fine, I guess."

"You guess?"

Yoongi seems to shrink on himself. His hands clench on the swing chains, knuckles turning white.

"I don't know. Haven't talked to him in a while."

Jimin blinks.

"You…"

"We broke up."

Shit. Wait. What?

"What? Why? When?" Jimin blurts, and then rushes before Yoongi can answer. "Shit, I mean, I'm sorry, I don't want to be nosy. It's probably none of my business-"

"S'fine," Yoongi sighs. "I don't mind telling you. We ended it right after you left that day. I thought… I thought maybe he would have told you, or Hoseok… anyway. Yeah."

"I'm sorry," Jimin repeats. "Is it… is it my fault?"

As he says it, he hears how stupid it sounds. He doesn't even feel guilty, but it doesn't exactly sit right with him either. Yoongi laughs, dry and bitter.

"In a way, I guess it is? But not really. It's our fault for wearing blinders for so long. Our whole relationship was built on you, even before we knew it was you. Right from the start- I mean, we openly told each other it was a rebound thing. And I guess we ended up really liking each other, and it was… it was good, but then you reappeared and, and when you left it's like everything crumbled. It just… it just didn't make sense for us to stay together. I don't even know how to explain it."

Jimin has no idea how to possibly reply to that. So he says nothing, but he reaches out and gently squeezes Yoongi's hand, still around the chain, before he lets go. Yoongi sniffs, sighs, lightly shakes his head.

"It's okay," he mutters, a little dejectedly. "I'm… I would be lying if I said I'm over him, or over you, but… I'm good. Or I will be. I've stopped waiting. You… you were right. About closure."

Jimin nods.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm still sad. But I feel so much better, too."

"Hmm. By the way, I… I'd like to apologise. I'm sorry about the way we treated you, I'm sorry we made you feel… unwanted, or… I'm sorry. Really. And I'm sorry I broke up with you, back then. It was stupid of me, and hurtful, and-"

"It's okay, Yoongi," Jimin interrupts. "It really is. We were in highschool, it's… it's normal that you didn't have the emotional maturity you have now. Teenagers make mistakes, I'm not mad at you for that. And as for last time… well. You already apologised."

"Still…"

"You gotta let go of that if you wanna feel better," Jimin says. "I've forgiven you. The day I broke up with you. I've chosen to put all of that behind me and it didn't make sense to resent you for all of eternity, right? People make shit choices, it happens. You hurt me, and I probably hurt you, but it's gone now. You can't go back to make things different, so why dwell on it?"

Yoongi chuckles wetly. He lets go of the swing chain to wipe his face.

"You're so wise. When did you get so wise?"

"I'm learning," Jimin smiles. 

Yoongi hums, some sort of absent-minded smile on his lips, eyes still cloudy. They stay there for a while, silently keeping each other company, until two sand-covered kids run to Yoongi and shatter their little bubble.

"Yoonyoon, I need to pee," the little girl says.

Yoonyoon, Jimin mouths, and Yoongi glares at him but he's grinning, rendering the murderous stare rather ineffective.

"Is it snack time yet?" her younger brother asks, voice high-pitched and wide eyes pleading.

"Yeah, okay, let's go home. Go dust yourselves off though, or you won't be allowed inside the house and I'm gonna get scolded for letting you get dirty."

The children run back to the sand pit and clumsily rub their clothes to get rid of the stubborn grains.

"Well," Jimin says, standing up alongside Yoongi. "See you around, I guess?"

Yoongi nods.

"Yeah. Actually- I'm glad we talked. I think it helped, a bit. Thank you."

Jimin watches as the kids return, and Yoongi finds himself with an armful of little boy, with his free hand grasped in the little girl's one.

"Who's that, Yoonyoon?"

Yoongi glances at Jimin, shrugs a little.

"That's… that's Jimin."

The girl frowns at Jimin. Protective.

"Are you Yoonyoon's friend?"

Jimin brings a hand to his melted heart. He looks at Yoongi, briefly, and then decides he'd rather not confuse his niece with an unnecessarily detailed answer.

"Yeah," he says. "Yoongi and I used to go to school together."

"Do you have candy?"

"Jisoo!" Yoongi exclaims. "You can't ask just anyone for candy! Come on, let's go home, I thought you needed to pee."

"Is your friend coming home, too?"

Jimin chuckles.

"No, I have to go back to my own house. Bye, kids. Bye, Yoongi."

Yoongi nibbles on his lower lip, then nods.

"See you."

When Jimin gets home, Jihyun makes fun of him for staying so long. He shrugs it off, still a little lost in thought.

…

He should have seen it coming, but it's still a surprise when Jimin walks out of the studio with Hoseok, laughing at something random, and stumbles when he sees Namjoon leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

Why would he even be surprised, really, Namjoon is Hobi's best friend, and Jimin works with Hobi, they're bound to bump into each other. Still.

Hoseok hops over to hug Namjoon hello, and then wavers a bit, until-

"Hi, Jimin," Namjoon greets him.

His voice is a little dry and a little cold, maybe, but Namjoon gives him a shy sort of smile, like he's just not sure he's allowed to be friendlier than that.

"Hey Joon," Jimin answers. "How are you?"

It's weird, really, he feels like he's on the verge of having the exact same conversation he had with Yoongi a few months ago. He hasn't heard from Yoongi since then, hasn’t seen him either, but it's a little unsettling to have had news of him and none of Namjoon. Especially the break up part; Namjoon probably doesn't know Jimin knows.

"I'm okay," Namjoon smiles, "bit tired. Work's hectic these days, you'd think summer is a quiet time but… anyway. You?"

"I'm great," Jimin grins- he could tone it down a bit, honestly, avoid rubbing it in, but he can't help it. He just had the best jamming session with Hobi and he's running high high high. "Work's hectic but I love it, so…"

Namjoon smiles a bit more frankly.

"That's nice to hear. Hey, uh… we're actually going for drinks with Hobi, do you… do you maybe wanna join us? I, I don't know. To catch up a bit?"

Jimin blinks a few times, feels his own smile turn softer.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I've got plans with Tae already. Next time though?"

Namjoon nods.

"It's fine. Have a nice evening then. Say hi to Taehyung for me?"

"Will do," Jimin promises. "Have fun."

During the next few weeks, they catch glimpses of each other when Namjoon picks up Hoseok from work, or when Jimin swings by Hoseok's place sometimes, until finally Jimin doesn't have plans yet when Hoseok offers to come for drinks.

For some reason Taehyung and Jungkook end up joining them, Seokjin appears at some point, and somehow Namjoon fits in there without much of a hitch.

They don't have a deep, emotional heart to heart like Jimin sort of had with Yoongi- for one, they're not on their own, and strangely it's not that much of a big deal. Namjoon seems… alright. Sure, his eyes are a bit empty, but he doesn't seem to have a problem talking to Jimin throughout the evening.

It's when everyone parts that Namjoon trails behind a little, hands in his pockets while Jimin unlocks his bike. Taehyung hovers nearby, looking unsure whether he should leave then on their own.

"Go home, Taetae, Jungkook is falling asleep on his feet," Jimin smiles. "I'll catch up anyway."

Taehyung salutes, then grabs his boyfriend by the waist and steers him in the direction of Jimin and Tae's flat. For a moment, they watch them walk away, and then Namjoon clears his throat.

"Look, I don't wanna bother you with a long-winded talk about feelings and stuff," he starts. "I just… well. I'm happy we could catch up a little today. I… I understand that everything that happened between us might be an obstacle, but I'd… I'd like to try and be friends? We never really did that, y'know, since the first time we met was that blind date Hobi set us up on. So yeah. I guess what I'm saying is, I'd like to get to know the person you are now. If that's okay. Shit, I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Jimin chuckles.

"You kind of are. You know what, I think I'd like that, too."

Namjoon's hesitant smile turns bright and open.

"Yeah? That's- great. That's great. Thank you, Jimin."

"No need to thank me," Jimin shrugs. "It would be weird to keep being cold to each other when we have a common best friend."

"I wouldn't want you to do it just for Hobi's sake," Namjoon grimaces, but Jimin shakes his head and smiles.

"Nah, I'm doing it cause I want to. I'm doing good, Joon, and I think I'm okay with being your friend."

Namjoon nods. They vaguely start walking toward the metro station, Jimin pushing his bike alongside Namjoon. His flat is the opposite way, but it seems sort of weird to just part ways now. It's not that much of a detour anyway, and he'll still manage to catch up with Tae and Kookie afterwards.

A few streets later, Namjoon speaks again.

"Hey uh… have you… have you had any news from Yoongi recently?"

Jimin briefly squeezes his bike handles. He'd been waiting (apprehending) for Yoongi to appear in the conversation. He isn't sure how Namjoon's dealing with their break up, so Jimin tries to stay as neutral as he can.

"Not recently, per se. Randomly ran into him back in March, when I was at my parents'. We talked a bit, but I haven't heard from him since. You?"

"Not a peep since January. I… I'm guessing he told you?"

"He did."

Namjoon hums, soft into the chilly night air. Jimin holds his breath.

"How was he? In March? Sorry, maybe you dont wanna talk about him."

"More like, I don't know how you feel about it so I don't really know how to act," Jimin admits. "He was… getting better, I suppose. Though seeing his family always takes a toll on him, so he probably wasn't at his best."

"Ah, yeah, they're not really supportive, are they? Never met them, he said it was too much trouble for what it was worth. Met his brother once, though, he was rather nice."

Jimin nods.

"Jungi's great, yeah. But he's the perfect son, y'know, fancy job, good wife, two kids… their parents keep comparing Yoongi to him, so it doesn't really help when they're all together. Anyway. You didn't miss much by not meeting his parents, seriously."

"Seems so, indeed…"

They fall silent for a few beats, but the question is clawing it's way up Jimin's throat; he can't really swallow it down.

"How are you, though, Joon? About Yoongi, I mean. Since apparently you're over me enough to be friends."

Namjoon smiles, a little forlorn. He raises his shoulders like he's trying to hide his head like a turtle, and gives a little snort.

"I don't think I'll ever be entirely over you, you know? I'm okay, it is what it is, I'll just forever have regrets. It's fine. That's life. I guess I'm feeling sort of the same way for Yoongi, but… our relationship never was all that functional to begin with, even if we sincerely liked each other. We weren't fully committed. I don't know if that makes it easier now… anyway. I'm alright. Or I will be. Damn, why is it that you're the one being all considerate and I haven't even asked how you are?"

Jimin chuckles gently.

"Because you're the one who gets stuck in his own head and I'm the one who learned that keeping everything bottled up is fucking bad."

"Sounds… sounds legit, huh. Well let me ask, still. How are you, Jimin?"

"I don't wanna bother you with a long-winded talk about feelings and stuff," Jimin teases. "I'm good. I'm really good. I haven't had time to think about it all that much at the beginning, what with my finals and shit, and then when I got my head out of the water I realised it had been three months and I was okay. Well. Sad, but okay, and I'd stopped being angry all the time. I've been seeing a therapist, too… not just about you two, more about… the way I deal with feelings and people and trust. So yeah. I'm good. And I've accepted that being sad is fine, too. It's not a failure not to be okay. "

Namjoon looks a little impressed and a lot fond.

"That's great to hear. I'm… I'm glad, really."

They've reached the station, and Namjoon stands on the first step of the stairs (he's still as tall as Jimin despite being on lower ground, that bastard). He waves happily, dimples framing his grin.

"See you around?"

Jimin nods enthusiastically.

"Yeah. Good night, Joon."

"You too. Get home safe!"

Jimin taps his helmet hanging from his backpack, winks, and then Namjoon turns around and disappears in the subway staircase.

Jimin smiles as he gears up and starts back in the direction they've come from. He only needs a few minutes to reach Taehyung and Jungkook, who clearly decided walking faster than a pair of dead slugs was way too energy-demanding than acceptable at this hour (or maybe they've stopped in an alley to make out, who knows). Tae only needs a smile and a nod to be reassured that Jimin's still okay after his conversation with Namjoon.

And Jimin is; still okay, that is. It's nice to feel like he's finally building something healthy with Namjoon. Something that can last because the foundations of it are steady and sturdy. No hidden expectations, no resentment, just plain and easy friendship, if a little tentative for now. It's fine. He's in no hurry.

…

Yoongi: hello jimin

Yoongi: how are you? i hope youre okay with me texting you

Yoongi: i just wanted to let you know my company is holding auditions for background dancers for our next showcase, i thought it might interest you? its no spotlight but its a start, i suppose.

Yoongi: the showcase is next spring but we're getting things started already. the auditions start next week and end two weeks after that. we're looking for different styles, you can of course tell Hoseok about it too! there are at least twenty open spots.

Yoongi: oh and in case it would prevent you from applying, know that none of my acts require background dancing so you wouldnt have to work directly with me.

Yoongi: tell me if youre interested, i'll send you the detail and the name of the person in charge of the auditions!

…

Jimin: !!!!!!

Jimin: im definitely interested!!! wow thanks for telling me this is a great opportunity!!!

Jimin: also im doing good, youre welcome to texting me, and i wouldnt mind working with you!

Jimin: hobi is jumping up and down everywhere haha we're definitely applying whoooo

Jimin: what about you? how are you those days?

…

Talking about auditions lead to talking about whatever, and soon Jimin finds himself texting Yoongi every so often. Maybe not everyday, but a few times a week, short conversations just to say hi and how are you and exchange a few pictures of Yoongi's dog and Jimin's little patch in the building's garden.

He applies for the background dancer gig with Hobi, and they're scheduled to audition at the end of the second week. They take advantage of that time to work double and be extra prepared, both offering the other advice on their non-dominant style.

Jimin is so fired up he barely realises how nervous he is. It's just a background spot but it's a way into the world he's been aiming for all his life; teaching dance at a studio is great, he loves his job, but it is on stage that he thrives.

The audition goes without a hitch. He and Hobi both get hired, for different acts since Jimin is more versed into contemporary dance and Hoseok is more on the hip-hop and street dancing side. Their workload suddenly swell, since they still have to keep the studio running on top of their new rehearsals.

And then somehow everything gets even wilder when Hoseok chats with one of the choreographers and talks about their studio, and the woman goes wide-eyed and all but shrieks wait you're THE Jung Hoseok?! and that leads to them helping train the new recruits that are a little behind, and organising additional sessions.

All in all, Jimin is caught into this whirlwind of dance and he's ecstatic and he keeps occasionally chatting with Yoongi via text (he doesn't see him much during the rehearsals indeed) and with Namjoon when he pops by to see Hoseok. Time flies by and soon, winter is back, the end of the year quickly approaching. Jimin feels good. He feels so, so good.

…

Jimin: hey yoongi i have a question

Yoongi: shoot

Jimin: who can come to the showcase? i mean is it invite only or sth, who gets to see the show?

Yoongi: mostly people from the industry, yknow, producers and other artists and shit

Yoongi: and people from the company have like two invites each for friends or family

Yoongi: im probably gonna give one to my brother if he can be in town

Yoongi: anyway thats it why do you ask?

Jimin: just wondering 

Jimin: okay thats a lie but i don't know how to ask

Yoongi: ??

Yoongi: just go for it

Jimin: okay so its the first time hobi and i do anything like this and he was wondering if maybe namjoon could come. or if its gonna be taped and we're allowed to get a copy of the film or something. anyway yeah i understand that you try to restrain having everyone and their mother in the audience

Jimin: but obviously we get it if it's not possible or if you dont want namjoon to be there it's fine

…

Yoongi never answers those texts, but the next day at the rehearsal he walks in during a break and goes straight to Jimin.

"Hey," he says, waving a slip of paper in his hand. "That's my second invite. You can give it to Namjoon."

Jimin goes wide-eyed for a second, and then smiles brightly.

"Oh, you sure? Thanks, Hobi's gonna be so happy!"

Yoongi shrugs. He looks a little tense, eyes focused somewhere around Jimin's shoulder rather than his face.

"It's okay… sorry I left you hanging yesterday. I was a little surprised… I didn't know you talked to Namjoon again. Which is fine, of course, you don't have to tell me or anything, I just didn't expect-"

"Calm down," Jimin chuckles. "I don't talk to him all that much, but I work with his best friend, we were bound to run into each other. We've been chatting a little for a while, it's nice to actually try and be friends, y'know? Just like you and I do, except I see him more in person while you and I mostly text. I thought maybe you'd been talking too."

Yoongi shakes his head minutely.

"No. Haven't seen him or talked to him since January. I don't… I just don't know if that's something he might want… and I wouldn't be opposed, exactly, but it feels a bit awkward still? How do you start talking to your ex after almost a year of silence?"

"Well maybe the showcase will be an opportunity to try that, yeah?" Jimin suggests. "It's fine if you don't, though. No one's forcing you to talk to him."

"No, I, I think I want to. Give him the invite, yeah?"

…

Jimin feels like he's going to vibrate out of his body. He's sweaty, he's sore all over, his right ankle is sort of acting up but he's so high on endorphins all of that is just background noise.

Next to him, Hobi is visibly refraining from bouncing on his toes.

"I really think there's something to do here," the head choreographer for the showcase concludes. "I'm gonna be super busy in the next few days, but please, please call me next week. I'll clear out my schedule. I'm so hyped."

Both Hoseok and Jimin frantically nod. Jimin can't believe it- they're just background extras, but Jieun is dead set on having them audition as a new dance duo for the company ("or new choreographers, or dance teachers or something, we need you! I don't care that you're not trained in singing! You will be if I have anything to do with it!"). That's- everything Jimin has ever dreamed of. Being a professional dancer. A performer.

"You don't even know what you're getting into," Hoseok grins, megawatt smile brightening the whole room. "We're gonna call you Monday first thing in the morning."

"I'll be waiting by the phone wondering if you've forgotten me," Jieun counters with a laugh. "I'm serious though, I'm so glad Yoongi told you about the auditions. You deserve to be up on the stage. On the front of the stage!"

She's about to dive right back into her rant about how incredible they are when someone calls her from the other side of the room.

"Ah, shit, apparently I have people to see, gotta dash. See you very soon, both of you!"

She disappears into the crowd, leaving them to exchange a bouncing hug and muffled screams into each other's shoulders.

"Holyshitholyshitholyshit," Hobi chants against Jimin's shirt.

An amused chuckle tears them out of the hysterical shock.

"Getting recruited, huh?" Yoongi asks, a sly smile on his lips.

Jimin doesn't even hesitate- he crushes him into a hug, sweat and makeup and all, and only saunters back when Yoongi wheezes out a plea for oxygen.

"Thank you thank you thank you," Jimin rushes, "this is the best day of my life, and it's thanks to you, oh my god!"

"You did all the work yourselves," Yoongi shrugs, but there's a little glint of pride in his eyes. "All I did was to tell you about the auditions… and I may or may not have warned Jieun to keep an eye on you both."

Hoseok latches onto Jimin's back like an overgrown, overly-affectionate, slightly damp koala bear.

"You did that?" he exclaims. "Even for me?"

Embarrassment takes over Yoongi's face for a second.

"Why not?" he mumbles, scratching the back of his head.

"Cause… I dunno, I kind of felt like you resented me somehow. About Joon."

Yoongi frowns, shakes his head.

"Why would I? I thought you resented me. Being his best friend and all. I just… I didn't know if I could contact you after everything went down. But I still… I still think of you as a friend, even if we never really got the chance to get close…"

"Awww, Yoongs," Hobi coos, letting go of Jimin to go hug Yoongi instead. "Joonie's a big guy, he doesn't need me to be all defensive and angry at his ex in his stead. I mean look, I work with Jiminie every day and everything's fine! I'm sorry you thought you couldn't be my friend anymore. Man, you must have been so lonely this last year!"

Yoongi gives a little shrug, aiming for nonchalant and ending up somewhere around yes I've been fucking lonely but what's new instead. Jimin squeezes his shoulder.

"Hey, you should hang out with us again. I'm sure Tae misses you, even if he'd never admit that in front of me."

Yoongi's about to answer when a new voice appears behind him, making him jump a little.

"There you are," Namjoon greets them. "I would have found you sooner but someone actually recognised me, can you believe it? I go through all the trouble of going into astrophysics instead of music but some dude remembers my face from when I was an underground rapper. In highschool. That was ten fucking years ago! Do I still fucking look like a highschooler to you?!"

Hobi bursts out laughing.

"Ready to get back in the game, Runch Randa?" he teases, making Namjoon facepalm.

"Excuse you," Yoongi intervenes, "I'll be duly awkward in greeting you in a minute but- you're Runch Randa?! And you never told me?!"

"What's a Runch Randa," Jimin asks, too lost to properly say it like a question.

It launches a wild story about Namjoon's underground days, how he wrote lyrics instead of listening in class and skipped cram school to go engage in questionable rap battles in dingy clubs. By the end, Hobi is in tears as he recalls gangly, spectacled, pimpled Namjoon acting all tough (and also being super popular and successful); Namjoon's face is hidden between his palms, his ears a vibrant red; Jimin is barely standing, knees giving out with the force of his laughter ("seriously, Joon, skipping cram school? And you still got into fucking Yonsei?!"), and Yoongi is looking murderous- the murderous kind of admirative.

"What the fuck," he chokes as Hoseok stops talking. "We've been together for over a year, you knew I was working to become a producer in hip-hop and rap, and you didn't tell me you were an underground rapper? Why?! And not just any wannabe rapper, Runch Randa!"

Namjoon muffles a whine behind his palms.

"I should have shut the fuck up," he moans. "Okay… I never told you 'cause at first I didn't wanna look like I was bragging, and- look, it's stupid, but I couldn't prove it, I've deleted that soundcloud account years ago, all I have left is some dubious hard drive back at my parents'. And then you actually told me about Runch Randa, you waxed poetic about him for half an afternoon and I couldn't possibly go 'yeah actually that's me'! And I've stopped rapping so long ago, it's irrelevant now." 

"You deleted your soundcloud, how dare you?" Yoongi pales. "You're lucky we've already broken up!"

There's a beat of silence, and then- Namjoon lowers his hands, revealing a shyly grinning face.

"Joking about it, huh," he muses. "Hello, Yoongi. It's nice to see you."

Yoongi smiles back, and the previously promised awkwardness makes him kind of shrink down between his shoulders.

"Nice to meet you, Runch R- okay no, sorry about that. Hey, Joon. It's been a while."

Jimin smiles at them.

"Hobi and I are gonna go get some drinks, and also maybe shower if we manage to find our way backstage. See you later."

Yoongi gives him a half-panicked, half-grateful glance, and Namjoon nods with a smile. Jimin waves at them before he steers a confused Hoseok away.

"But-"

"No buts!" Jimin chirps. "Let them catch up on their own for a bit. They haven't seen each other in over a year, they don't need us to witness the awkward mess."

Hoseok follows a little less reluctantly.

"Fine. Are you okay though? About them meeting again?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jimin shrugs. "I'm okay talking to either of them. I'm over the whole drama. There's no reason I wouldn't be okay with them talking. I wouldn't have asked Yoongi to invite Joon otherwise."

"True," Hoseok admits. "I hope it goes well. It would be nice to have Yoongi back in our little group."

"Yeah. It's not surprising to me that he cut ties with everyone, but it makes me sad. I kinda feel like he's the one who had the most trouble dealing with our breakup, just because he had no one to help him through it."

Hoseok hums, circling Jimin's shoulders with a reassuring arm. Hopefully hanging out with them again will help Yoongi feel a little less lonely. Hopefully he and Namjoon will become friends again, just like Jimin did with both of them. Hopefully they can leave all the hurt behind and start anew.

…

It sort of snowballs-

Jimin and Hoseok audition and it's basically a shoe-in. Jieun immediately launches into a wild program to train them. They hire Jungkook part-time to help them with the studio.

Yoongi (aided by Hoseok and Jimin) bullies Namjoon back into making music. It's not so much bullying as it is offhandedly suggesting it and Namjoon pretending to be reluctant.

Taehyung hugs Yoongi tight tight tight when he turns up some Saturday night when they're all gathered up for movies and takeout.

"I kinda missed you," he says. "You gotta stop forgetting you have friends."

"I didn't forget. I just thought you didn't want me as a friend anymore."

Taehyung lightly shakes him, and then hugs him again.

"I'm Jimin's soulmate. I've forgiven you the day he did."

And just like that, just like that they're all friends. For real, this once, actual friends that care about each other, without the weird stilted tension weighing everything down. No lingering resentment, no awkwardness, no hidden agenda. Just plain, true, confident friendship.

Jimin feels like it might be forever.

…

Yoongi: hey guys 

Yoongi: im having trouble with the track jieun asked me to make for jimin's solo

Yoongi: can i get your input please?

Namjoon: im literally in the studio with you

Namjoon: dude

Namjoon: why would you text me, just take your damn headphones off 

Yoongi: stfu i wanted to include jimin

Yoongi: also ive been calling you for like three minutes straight so maybe *you* take your damn headphones off

Namjoon: …fair point

Jimin: not gonna comment on the sheer stupidity of this whole conversation but im judging you so hard right now

Jimin: :))

Jimin: also im in the practice room on the second floor so get your asses down there

Jimin: with the track, obviously, so we can do a test run

Yoongi: be right there

Jimin: bring snacks please

…

It's like a tug under his ribs, like a slow slow fall, like the second where he stepped over the ledge and gravity doesn't apply just yet. A breath held.

He tells Taehyung, cradled in the safety of his best friend's arms and the gentle night.

"I think I'm falling for them again."

Tae hums. He doesn't need more to understand exactly what Jimin is trying to say.

"Are they falling for you?"

"I don't know," Jimin says. "But at least now they know who I am. And I think they like the new Jimin."

"Do you like the new Jimin?"

Jimin smiles.

"Yes."

"That's the most important part."

They're whispering in the dark, careful not to wake Jungkook, who's lying on the carpet and softly snoring. They've been celebrating his graduation and he might have had just a tiny little bit too much to drink.

For a while, they stay silent, simply enjoying the comfort of each other's slow breaths and warmth. And then Taehyung asks-

"Are you scared?"

"About what?"

"About falling for them again."

Jimin taps out a random little rhythm on Taehyung's forearm with his fingertips, like he's playing the piano. Is he scared? The small hollowing in his stomach, the sparks in his lungs, the shivery-fidgety-jiggly feeling in his every cell- is that fear?

"I'm a little scared," he admits.

"You know I'll support you no matter what," Taehyung says, just in case.

Jimin grins and plays the piano on Taehyung's arm again.

"I know. That's why I'm not all that scared. I'll be okay as long as you're with me."

"I'll be with you."

…

When it happens, Jimin feels like it was such a long time coming that he's not surprised at all that it does happen. He even forgets to be a little scared.

When it happens-

They're lying in a puppy pile on Namjoon's couch. They've spent the whole day working their asses off to finish up the last details of Jimin and Hobi's debut, and now they're enjoying a bit of well deserved rest. Hoseok has gone home to Jin a while earlier, but Jimin has not moved an inch from his spot ever since he collapsed on the cushions.

They're not talking, just breathing together and sharing a sense of deep satisfaction, the satisfaction of a job well done. It's a nice moment, quiet and relaxed, all of the last few weeks' tension slowly seeping out of them and evaporating.

Jimin has no idea how long he's been lying there, his head on Namjoon's lap and his legs stretched out over Yoongi's, when Namjoon grunts and groans and sighs, mumbling something about fetching water or whatever, and suddenly Jimin is pushed upright.

"Nooo come back, you make a good pillow," Jimin complains, but Namjoon keeps making him sit up, so much so that Jimin overbalances and falls into Yoongi's shoulder.

"I'll be right back," Namjoon says, but Jimin doesn't hear him.

He's too busy drowning into Yoongi's slightly surprised eyes. They're very close, all of a sudden. Jimin smiles, tired little smile, happy little smile, finger coming up to boop Yoongi's nose.

"Hello," he whispers, and Yoongi grins back, small and shy and secret.

"Hello yourself. Fancy seeing you here."

Jimin- hollow in his stomach, sparks in his lungs, shivery-fidgety-jiggly feeling in his every cell- shuffles closer. Hands resting on Yoongi's shoulders.

"Yoongi," he breathes, says, asks, and Yoongi gives him the tiniest nod, the tiniest flick of eyes down, the tiniest wetting of lips-

"Oh," Namjoon says when he comes back into the living room, and Jimin realises this is exactly how it happened last time, he kissed Yoongi and Namjoon came back and went oh, quiet and surprised and a little unsteady- but this, now, has nothing to do with last time whatsoever. In fact, it's so different Jimin doesn't know why he even thought of it.

Gently, he pecks Yoongi's cheek, and then he stands and pulls him off the couch and makes him walk along toward Namjoon. Namjoon has a sort of deer-in-healights expression on his face, a little bit of why are you doing this here this is my place I can't leave, a little bit of hope, and then Jimin grabs his hand and squeezes.

"Yoongi?" he asks, and Yoongi shrugs and smiles and bites his lower lip like he doesn't dare smile too much yet.

"As you want," he answers shyly, and Jimin grins and softly pushes him forward.

Yoongi lays his free hand on Namjoon's waist and tilts his head back lightly, just enough to look into his eyes, just enough to offer himself.

Namjoon takes the offering.

It's a little later, when Namjoon's mouth has reacquainted itself with Jimin's, too, and with Yoongi's again, and Yoongi's with Jimin's, just in case, to make sure everyone has had enough kisses to feel warm into the next century, that they take a step back to catch their breath. It's not a literal step back, because by now they're somehow lying down in a new puppy pile, on Namjoon's bed this time.

"What now?" Yoongi rasps, his face half-smushed into the pillows.

Jimin snuggles closer and kisses his collarbone through his t-shirt.

"Now we sleep," Namjoon mumbles into Jimin's hair. 

"But tomorrow we talk," Jimin adds. "And we do this right."

…

They talk.

They talk and-

"I think I want to try again," Yoongi says.

I really want this to work out, Jimin hears.

"I like both of you. So much. I didn't think I'd be lucky enough to get another chance," Namjoon says.

I'm so happy right now, Jimin hears.

I'm in love with you, Jimin thinks.

"Third time's the charm," he says.

…

Yoongi and Namjoon are great.

Not because they shut up the vicious little voices inside Jimin's head, or because they make Jimin want to be better.

Jimin has learned not to listen to the voices. Jimin wants to be better because he makes himself want to be better.

Yoongi and Namjoon are great because they make Jimin happy. Happier than he is on his own, happier than he's ever been. They make him happy and they care about who he is and who he wants to be, and they care about each other, too, and Jimin cares about them. A lot.

So Jimin's in love with them. He thinks they're gonna be forever.

Maybe he's right.