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“C’mon, Harry, it’ll be a blast! I follow you on Instagram; I know that you’re really good with taking pictures. And we really need someone to fill this spot. Please!” Liam looked pleadingly at Harry, hands folded up in front of him, literally begging.
Harry got out his white board and began to write.
Fine. That was all that Liam would get from him. He wasn’t accepting this because he really, honestly wanted to go to every single event that his school would have for the entire year. No, he was doing this so that Liam would get off of his back. And okay, maybe the whole taking pictures thing was fun, too. Whatever.
“Yes! Thank you Harry! Thank you so, so much! I owe you one.” Liam literally jumped up and down and hugged Harry.
You’re welcome. He wrote.
Harry went to his first official meeting as a Yearbook member, trying not to notice the way that everyone looked at him as he took a seat in the front row. The way their judging eyes were cast upon his white board. He didn’t dare glance behind him to see if anyone was saying anything about him.
When he was five years old, Harry was diagnosed with Chronic Suppurative Otitis Media. It was rare in first world countries, and it was even more rare that it got to the point of complete hearing loss. What can he say, he’s just that lucky. Ever since he was diagnosed, Harry lost friends (a best friend even), and gained a lot of prejudice. Most of his teachers and those who had become his friends over the years hadn’t bothered to learn sign language. Hence the white board. If Harry hadn’t gotten so skilled at lip reading, he’d probably have been forced to move halfway across the country to attend a school specifically for Deaf students. Sometimes he wishes that it were actually an option.
“Harry?” Liam was at the front, commanding the meeting and assigning jobs and such. However, Harry had zoned off slightly, completely not realizing that Liam was trying to communicate with him. “Harry!”
“He can’t hear you Liam,” A student said from the back of the classroom.
“Well this is awkward,” Someone else snickered.
“Don’t be rude!” Liam immediately chided the snickering student and then turned to directly face Harry, waving his hands in front of his face to get his attention.
Harry looked up to Liam, a quizzical look on his face.
“The first football game is tonight, you’re good to start taking pictures, right? We’ll have you signed up to check out one of the school’s cameras.
Harry writes each letter slowly. He hates that sometimes he zones off during class or generally. And he hates that every other teenager can get away with it. He has to watch lips all day long if he wants to actually learn or have a conversation. If his mom and Gemma hadn’t learned sign language to use with him at home, Harry would probably have gone crazy.
“Good! Okay, well I’ll call this meeting to an end if there aren’t any other matters that need attending to.” Liam waited the briefest of seconds before everyone was actually dismissed.
Harry stood, throwing his backpack over his shoulder. He couldn’t wait to get home and tell Anne about this. She will be so happy that he’s actually getting involved with something; she’ll probably bake him a cake. As he was pushing in his chair, someone tapped on his shoulder.
“A moment?” Liam asked, gesturing back towards the camera sitting on the teacher’s desk. Harry nodded, following Liam over. “So just sign this, and put the date.”
Harry did as asked, nearly shitting himself when he got a better look at the camera. He quickly wrote out a sentence.
Is that a fucking Nikon D300S?!?!
“Yeah,” Liam laughed, lightly touching the top of the camera. “Hence the paperwork. Hey listen, sorry about earlier – “ Harry had no fucking clue what Liam said after that, seeing as Liam had looked down so that Harry wasn’t able to read his lips.
His hands went up, stopping Liam from continuing. Out of habit, he almost started to sign. Instead, he grabbed his marker.
Can’t read your lips when you look down.
“Oh,” Liam flushed, properly embarrassed once he’d read what Harry had written. “I’m sorry, I forgot. Um, what I said was that I’m sorry about earlier, when they were being rude.”
I’m confused. When was anyone being rude?
And then Liam remembered, oh yeah, he wasn’t able to hear that people were essentially making fun of him. His face reddened even further as Harry cottoned on to what had happened.
“I’m so sorry.” Liam apologized for what felt like the tenth time since talking to Harry that afternoon. He’s known Harry ever since they were in middle school and yet, he still has trouble communicating and generally not being awkward around him.
It’s okay. Harry signed to Liam, knowing that he’d understand that. Most people do.
Finally, after some awkward goodbyes, Harry was free to leave, camera in hand. The game didn’t start for another hour and a half so instead of going straight to the field, he headed to the library. His maths homework was due the next day so might as well be productive instead of focusing on how anxious he was.
As all things seem to go, the time flew by quickly and before he knew it, Harry was heading out to the football stadium. People were already beginning to file in in large amounts, claiming seats on the bleachers or heading to the concessions stand. He tried not to psych himself out as the camera periodically bumped his chest with each step. Holding his whiteboard closer to himself, almost as a shield of sorts, Harry headed down to the field.
Both teams were already on the field, practicing, running around, and doing drills or whatever it is that sportsy people do before games. Harry looked through the camera lens and took a few trial photos just to get the hang of how the Nikon worked. As he scanned the field through the lens, a particular person passed through the frame. Harry gasped, taking the camera away and searching. A frown etched its way onto Harry’s face as he realized. Yup, there he was, the person Harry hated more than anyone else in the world. Louis Tomlinson.
The thing with Louis was that he actually used to be Harry’s best friend. They were neighbors back when Anne was still married to Des. Way back, before Harry went deaf. Honestly, he didn’t really remember too much of his life back then. All he knew was that one day he was playing with the lad and the next he was in the hospital and Louis hadn’t even visited him once. Worse yet, when he got out of the hospital, completely deaf, Louis never talked to him again. So fuck Louis Tomlinson.
The game went smashingly. They ended up winning, 2-0 against the Knights. Even Harry himself was jumping and clapping. If he were confident enough in his voice, he would have cheered too. But Harry wasn’t one for much vocal activity. He had no idea how other Deaf people didn’t feel weird using their voices to talk.
Briefly, he considered going to find Zayn or Niall. Niall was the goal keeper so he was around somewhere and Zayn would be there simply because his boyfriend liked going to everything. But in the end, he ruled that out; he’d much rather go home and watch Switched at Birth or something equally nonproductive.
As he was walking back to his bike, he got out his phone and was texting his mom, telling her that he was on his way home. Unexpectedly, a hand roughly grabbed his bicep, pulling him back with enough force that he stumbled and nearly fell to the ground. He looked up to see someone speeding through the parking lot with no headlights on. He had nearly gotten hit. Fuck, he needed to pay more attention. Had he learned nothing in his eleven years of being deaf?
Harry turned, completely ready to practically worship the person who’d just potentially saved his life but the moment that he saw the beautiful blue eyes, he stopped in his tracks, completely dumbfounded.
“Sorry, um, if I hurt your arm. I just. There was a car and, yeah.” Freshly showered Louis Tomlinson. Harry’s heart only started beating a little faster because he hated him. Yup.
Harry’s face heated up as he took out his board. Thanks.
“Oh, um, no problem. Do you – do you need a ride? I could drive you home if you want?” Louis looked flustered, pulling awkwardly at his shirt. Did Harry being deaf really make him that uncomfortable?
I have my bike. Harry put, spinning on his heel and walking towards the area for bikes. He mentally scoffed. He didn’t think that he could stand another second of Louis’ presence.
Back at home, Harry watched as his mom went on and on about Gemma and how she’d been doing in college.
She told me that you haven’t been texting her back. Anne signed to him. One of his favorite things about his mother was the fact that she spoke and signed at the same time. It made him feel just a little less different.
Mom, I’ve been busy with school. Also, I’m in Yearbook now by the way. I take pictures. It’s not really a thing. He shrugged, trying to be casual.
Harry, that’s great! I’m so happy for you! Is that why you went to the game tonight? She leaned closer to him enthusiastically, her hair almost dipping into the spaghetti on her plate.
Yeah. Louis was there. When the only people who know how to properly communicate with you are your mother and sister, you tend to get really close to them. So he didn’t hesitate to bring up Louis.
Did he say anything to you? He better not have, I will have the school and Jay on the phone –
No, no, he didn’t. It’s fine.
It better be. You want some dessert? I bought your favorite ice cream!
Nah, I have to go work on some homework.
Whenever he thought about what happened with Louis, he always got kind of upset. Though he didn’t remember it too much, he did remember the connection that he felt with Louis. And just knowing that Louis ended their friendship because Harry went deaf is one of the things that made his heart ache.
He lay in bed, watching the ceiling. Sometimes Harry wondered when something interesting was going to happen in his life. All he’d known was school, which is obviously boring, and home. He’d never done anything crazy or broken the rules. His life felt like black coffee; brewed and poured straight up. There were no artificial sugars or cream or milk. And it was an acquired taste that not everyone can handle. He stared at the ceiling watching his life pass by wanting, desperately needing something.
-
After another week had passed, Harry had come to the realization that being in Yearbook was not as lame as he’d originally thought it would be. Everyone was fawning over the pictures that he’d taken. Someone even asked for his instagram, so Harry would consider this whole thing a success.
“Hey, Harry,” Liam smiled at him brightly. “Don’t forget about the game tonight!”
I thought it was on Saturday?! Harry wrote out quickly.
“Nope, it’s tonight. We’re playing that one team tonight, can’t remember their names. They suck though. But Saturday we are playing Hayden. It’s an away game and since we usually like to have pictures of at least one away game, Mr. Blanchard has already talked to Coach Deal about letting you ride with the team.”
Fuck. Harry really wished that he was just a year older. Then he’d be able to drive himself and not be stuck on a bus with a whole bunch of people who definitely aren’t his friends. But there wasn’t really much he could do.
He sat at the library when he was done with Yearbook. That day he actually had no homework so instead of doing something school related, he pulled out his phone and went to social media. First, he checked his instagram. He’d gained three followers since the last time he checked, which brought him up to 294. Harry shifted excitedly, posting another picture before exiting the app. Next, he checked Facebook. Technically he doesn’t like Facebook too much but the only other social media app on his phone was Tumblr and lord knows if he goes to “check” his Tumblr, he’d probably accidently miss the game scrolling through the posts on his dash.
Surprisingly, when the Facebook page loaded, Harry noticed that he had a friend request. When he opened the notification to check and see who sent him a request, his jaw nearly hit the floor. Louis Tomlinson. For a moment, Harry sat there fuming. Who did he think he was? Did he really think that one little interaction – never mind that lifesaving part – would fix what he did? No. Harry did not accept.
During the game that night, Harry only took one shot of Louis. Maybe he was being too dramatic but honestly, one little passing moment doesn’t take back eleven years of hurt over losing a friend because of something that he had no control over.
Harry wasn’t sure why really, but he lingered around after the game was over. He’d become complacent. He was tired of not having an exciting life. He needed something before he exploded from boredom. Part of him hoped to find Niall but he was pretty sure that he’d already snuck off with some girl like he usually did after games.
He took a seat outside the stadium, watching the sky. There weren’t any stars out that night; the rain clouds were blocking their bright shine, instead releasing a light sprinkle of rain. If that isn’t metaphor for Harry’s life, he didn’t know what was.
A hand touched his shoulder and Harry jumped, not realizing that someone had come to sit next to him.
“What are you still doing out here?” Fucking Louis Tomlinson.
Harry wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of an actual conversation.
“Clearly.” Louis chuckled briefly. “Are you okay though?”
I’m fine.
“Okay, I was just checking. Cause you’re sitting out here alone in the dark and all.” It was obvious that Louis felt uncomfortable. If he really was that uneasy around a deaf person, why couldn’t he just leave?
We’re not friends. Harry wrote ruthlessly.
Upon reading the words, Louis immediately stiffened. It may be a dick thing to think, but fucking good if he hurt Louis’ feelings. Oh, his precious feelings!
I’m sorry. Louis actually signed. He rubbed his fist over his chest, actually looking apologetic. And honestly, that blew Harry away. Aside from Zayn and Niall on the rare occasion, no one besides his mom and Gemma had ever bothered to communicate with him via Sign Language.
You know sign language? Harry asked, not bothered to hide how genuinely surprised he was.
“Um, I’m not one hundred percent on what you just said. I’ve only picked a few things up from this American t.v. show, Switched at Birth – “ Louis probably continued his sentence but Harry had looked down, eagerly writing on his board.
You watch that show too? It’s my favorite! He held it up enthusiastically for Louis to read.
Yeah! Louis signed and then continued on, talking rather than signing. “Mine too! Daphne is being a fucking dumbass right now. But did you see the prom episode where the girls wore tuxes – oh! And there was a guy who wore heels and they were protesting their school’s dress code?!”
Didn’t peg you as the type to be so accepting of diversity.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Harry.” He smiled so, so nicely and Harry didn’t like it. He didn’t want to think about Louis accepting people wearing what they want, saying ‘fuck you’ to gender roles and probably being okay with the LGBTQIA+ community but God forbid having a deaf best friend.
I think I need to get home. Mom’s probably worried.
“Oh. Okay. Did you ride your bike today? Cause I could give you a ride, if you didn’t.” Louis shuffled to his feet awkwardly shoving his hands in his pockets.
I have my bike. Harry didn’t spare another moment before heading to his bike.
-
How’s it going little bro? Gemma signed to him through their Skype call early Saturday morning.
Good. Just school. How’s college? Have your grown any gray hairs yet? He smirked at his sister’s affronted glare.
You’re just jealous because I’m out here getting cultured and you’re still stuck in high school! Gemma smirked right back at him and Harry just stuck his tongue out at her. Just kidding. Being an adult sucks. Please indulge me in the problems of a high school boy.
Did mom put you up to this? Harry looked to his older sister skeptically. Anne wasn’t happy with how late he’d stayed out the previous night. He wouldn’t put it past her to try to see if Gemma could get anything out of him.
I just want a distraction from my Psychology homework. She held up her thick book, putting her fingers at her temple. Shoot me.
Harry smiled at her sympathetically. You love Psychology though.
I do. I don’t like four hours of homework though. But! Don’t change the subject!
Well maybe there’s nothing to say on the subject. Really, other than being on Yearbook, there wasn’t much to his life.
Harry, I’ve known you all of your life. There’s something you’re not telling me. She gave him a pointed look and Harry cracked.
Harry sighed, glancing down at his hands as he signed. Do you remember Louis Tomlinson?
You mean that arsehat that you used to have a huge crush on? Yes. Why? Has he been giving you trouble? I swear to God I will fucking –
No, he hasn’t. It’s nothing like that. Um. Well. He’s been. I don’t know. Friendly? To me. But. Yeah.
Look, I know that you –
Wait! I did not have a crush on Louis! Harry interrupts her quickly.
Oh yes, you did. Anyway, despite the crush that, judging by your face, is still present, he left you before. Guard your heart, don’t let him drop you again. And if he does anything, let me know and I will personally make sure his life is a living hell. Gemma ended with determination, clearly a bit protective of her baby brother.
Oh my god, Gemma! I don’t like Louis like that. I don’t like him at all –
Your phone is flashing. She interrupted, pointing behind him.
Harry sighed, picking up his phone to see that Liam had texted him.
From Liam: Hy. Jst found out tht we need 2 interview the team captain this yr. Wnna do it 2nite?
Harry groaned. He did not sign up for this. All he wanted to do was take some measly pictures on an amazing camera. Now he actually had to talk to people.
To Liam: Fine. Who is the team Captain?
Harry had barely pressed send and Liam’s reply was coming through.
From Liam: Louis Tomlinson
Of fucking course the fucking team captain is Louis fucking Tomlinson! Harry groaned again, this time louder and definitely more frustrated. He pulled his fingers through his hair roughly, looking up to Gemma signing to him.
What’s up? Who was that?
Ever since I joined Yearbook, all I’ve done is deal with Louis. And now I have to fucking interview him. Maybe I should just quit.
No! Gemma was quick to oppose. You love taking pictures. What is it that you told me about pictures once?
I love photography because I can always hear what the photographer is trying to say without having to use my ears. His face flames with the realization that his sister actually does pay attention when he rattles on about his hobbies.
Yeah! Don’t give up doing something you love just because of a boy. Trust me on this one.
Ohh, Harry teased, looking smugly at his sister as it’s her turn to blush. And would you care to enlighten me on the problems of a college student?
Actually, I just remembered that I have to go! Gym, Yeah! Gym class, that’s it. Bye Harry, love you lots!
Harry laughed out loud as the Skype call ended. Gym class? He and Gemma were alike in the fact that they had no coordination and generally looking like baby deer taking their first steps when attempting to do anything remotely athletic. So there’s no way in hell that Gemma would take a gym class. God, he loved his sister.
Just as Harry was about to start biking to school to catch the bus, Anne caught him.
I’m driving you. It’s going to be too late by the time that you get back to be riding your bike home. Come on.
Harry could tell by the look on her face that she wasn’t in the mood to have him fight her on this so he just followed and sulked. He didn’t like having to depend on other people for rides. He didn’t like having to depend on other people for anything.
-
The bus was crowded. Harry imagined that if he could hear, it would be bursting at the seams with noise. He snagged the first seat on the bus; admittedly choosing the window seat probably wasn’t the best decision that he had ever made.
Only a few minutes into the ride to Hayden, Harry feels the seat dip, signaling that someone had sat down beside him. He didn’t even have to look to know who it was.
“Hi,” Louis’ cheeks already had a nice pink tint to them. “So um, Liam said something about an interview.”
Um. I still have all my stuff packed. Is it okay if we wait until after? You’ll probably be more hyped up then anyways.
“Oh yeah,” Louis started shaking his head before he was even finished reading. “That’s totally fine.”
And then it was awkward because Louis wasn’t saying anything and Harry sure as hell wasn’t about to start a conversation. So they sat there, awkward and tense next to each other for the entire ride. And Harry couldn’t stop blushing because every time that he glanced over at Louis, he found Louis already looking at him. His first thought was that he was staring because Harry’s deaf but maybe, just maybe there was something in his eyes that showed that he’s different than Harry had originally thought.
They come out with yet another win. When Louis’ on the field, he’s like a star, shining so bright, it’s hard to watch anything else. For some reason, even though Harry had been to a few games, it just hit him how truly talented Louis was. And his noticing had nothing to do with any “crush” or anything along the lines of what Gemma had said. You’d have to be an idiot not to notice Louis. The others were good too.
Harry waited awkwardly outside the locker room while Coach Deal gave them an after-game talk. He used the time to catch up on his favorite band’s newest drama unfolding on Tumblr. Harry prides himself on his Tumblr; he’d once seen a post about the different rankings related to followers and by that post, with his nearly 500 followers, he was a baby famous blog. Alongside all the band posts, Harry liked to make sure his followers were exposed to pro-deaf posts as well as pro-LGBTQIA+ posts.
A hand waving in front of him startled him out of his sea of blue. Coach Deal gestured to him that it was time to go. He hurriedly gathered his things, making sure to keep out his notepad for the stupid fucking interview.
Harry claimed the same spot as before, this time Louis quickly slid in close to him. He was freshly showered and Harry could admit that he smelled damn good. But in an I-Hate-You kind of way.
“So ask away, my fellow student!” The difference in Louis’ mood from the bus ride before the game and the bus ride after was tremendous.
Instead of using the whiteboard, he wrote out the first question on the pad and showed it to Louis. What role has football played in your life up to this point?
“Well,” Louis began, pulling his fingers through his wet hair. Harry did not find that attractive. Nope. He hated it actually. “It’s played a huge role in my life. It’s a stress reliever. It’s nothing I have to hide. And hopefully, it’s what’s going to get me through college.”
Harry read his lips, trying to memorize every single word so that he could write it down when Louis was finished with his answer.
“Do you want me to just write my answers down?” Louis asked and that honestly pissed Harry right the fuck off.
Just because I’m deaf doesn’t mean that I need your help. When Harry showed Louis the board, his face went white as a ghost.
“No! That’s not what I meant! I swear, I was just trying to hel – be nice. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. God, I’m such an id – “ Louis had stuffed his face in his hands so Harry didn’t get the rest of it but he’s pretty sure that he could guess.
What’s it like being team captain? And what advice would you give to future captains? Harry shoved the pad towards Louis angrily.
“Um,” Louis began, clearly still mortified. “It’s actually pretty hard. You have all this extra responsibility and if the season is going bad, you shoulder that. It makes you feel like it’s your fault. Like you failed. My advice would be to remember that you’re you besides the team too. Don’t get so focused on being what your label tells you that you have to be that you lose who you truly are when the labels are gone.”
Harry had just looked down, heart beating fast as he began scribbling Louis’ answer but a hand on his shoulder made him look back up.
“I’m really sorry.” Sorry. Louis signed to him again. His blue eyes were boring into Harry’s and for a moment, Harry can’t remember how to breathe. “I’m over here talking about life being hard but I’m sure that things have been so hard for you. I mean not that you couldn’t handle it. Or you know. But. I just. Fuck, I need to just shut up.”
You do. Harry wrote on his board but the second he showed it to Louis, he couldn’t keep his smile in. It can be really hard. Especially when you lose friends over it. Harry gave no fucks. He will put it all on the table.
“Yeah I’m sure that really sucks.” Louis agreed as if he had no idea that Harry was actually shading him. “People can be real arseholes sometimes. Especially when they’re stuck in the mentality that everyone should be the same, perfect models of each other. It’s dumb.”
Harry starts to write, Why are you even talking to me? But he erased in favor of a simple, Trust me, I get that. And when Harry looked at Louis, he couldn’t help but pat his knee with the intention of comforting him.
“I feel like if I ask you if you want a ride one more time, you’ll punch me. But, I saw your mom dropping you off so I know you didn’t ride your bike. Tell me to go away and I promise I will.”
Go away. Harry wrote. But he’d meant it as a joke and immediately felt like shit when he saw the look on Louis’ face. I’m kidding. He signed and then nearly gasped at himself. He doesn’t really sign in front of people who don’t sign, only people that he really knows and feels comfortable with. So the fact that he just signed to Louis without a second thought was, well weird. Harry wiped at the white board and wrote:
Bad joke, sorry. I’d love a ride.
It may sound cliché but Louis’ face lit up like a child in a sweets store. He smiled so brightly at Harry that Harry was powerless to the bright smile that he returned it.
The ride home wasn’t nearly as awkward or tense as Harry imagined it would be; it was a stark contrast to their ride to Hayden together. They sat comfortably in silence; it’s hard to talk to a deaf person and drive at the same time. Every time their arms would brush on the middle console, Harry would pull his arm away but he could see Louis’ smile out of the corner of his eye.
When they pulled up to Harry’s house, Harry started to grab his marker to write a message to Louis. But Louis’ hand covered his, stopping him from writing. Confused, Harry looked up to Louis.
“Try and sign it to me.” He looked so genuine, so nice. So different from anyone else.
Thank you. Harry put it simply, knowing that it’d be easier for Louis to understand that way.
“I actually know that one!” Louis exclaimed, eyes beaming with pride. You’re welcome.
Harry decided right there that Louis’ name in sign language would have something to do with his eyes. He smiled at Louis for a few seconds longer and then got out of his car feeling something that definitely wasn’t hate towards Louis.
How’d you get home? Anne asked him the second he walked through the door. If you walked young man –
I got a ride. Harry was hoping to end it with that but he honestly wasn’t that naïve.
With who? The look in her eyes showed concern but the smug look on her face told a different story. Was it a boy? Oh! Was he cute?
Mom, Harry complained, face turning pink.
Someone you like? She seemed hopeful and Harry knew why and it sort of broke his heart. Deaf people aren’t given many chances at romance, especially at a hearing school.
Louis gave me a ride. And well, that stopped her cutesy act dead in its tracks.
Do you really think it’s a good idea to continue hanging around that boy?
I haven’t a clue. And it was the damn truth.
-
In bed that night, Harry couldn’t stop going over the moment that he’d had with Louis. All he felt about the situation was weird. It was like, he hated Louis on principle. But he could feel that edging away with every interaction that they had. And honestly, he wasn’t sure if that made him uncomfortable or if the feeling in the pit of his stomach was actually … excitement? He wanted to hate Louis, he really did. And by no fucking means was he okay with Louis ditching him once he’d found out about Harry being deaf, he was still really upset about that. So he was a bit internally conflicted. On the surface, Louis seemed like an okay guy – a far cry from the judgmental kid eleven years ago. And that’s also a thing. Like, should Harry really be that pissed over something that had happened a really long time ago? But then the other side of him roared with anger. Yes, he had all rights to be pissed at Louis for the rest of his miserable, boring life.
He slept easily that night. That’s the thing about being deaf, you get used to the silence.
-
Harry felt like he kept seeing Louis everywhere. He was in the halls, passing his table during lunch, he even found Louis talking with Zayn on occasion. He was vaguely suspicious that it something to do with the fact that Zayn had accidentally brought a doobie to school that day but he didn’t care much to look into the matter further. Maybe it was because before, Harry did everything he could to ignore Louis. But now, whenever he saw Louis, he always returned the smile that was waiting for him.
“Hey,” Zayn had tapped Harry on the shoulder, getting his attention while they were at the locker area. “So Liam and I are gonna have a Netflix night tonight, wanna come?”
No thanks. Harry signed, knowing that Zayn would understand that. And then he wrote out the rest of his answer on his board. I’d rather not third wheel.
“You’re not! I already invited Niall and Liam is inviting someone or other. C’mon. My mom’s making chicken curry tonight and Niall’s bringing some snacks, which probably means that we’re all gonna gain 30 pounds. C’mon, please?” Zayn pleaded, his big brown eyes luring Harry in.
Fine. I’ll text Niall about picking me up on the way to your house. As soon as Zayn read Harry’s board, he started jumping up and down happily.
“Yes!!” Zayn abruptly hugged Harry, pulling away and kissing his cheek. “You’re my favorite.”
-
The person that Liam decided to bring was none other than Louis Tomlinson.
LIAM Harry wrote on his board. And when he caught Liam’s attention, he tilted his head towards the kitchen, hoping that Liam would get the hint and follow him.
Once the two were in the kitchen, Harry just stared at him angrily. All of his friends knew that Louis used to be his best friend and they knew what Louis had done. Liam and Louis may have been have friends or whatever the fuck they were, but that did not mean that Harry wanted to be around him. Or whatever. He was pissed that’s all.
“Is this about Louis?” Liam asked, looking almost regretful. Harry just shook his head. Duh. “He said that you guys were good. And, he wanted to come.”
Harry shook his head. He didn’t even want to deal with this. He walked out to the living room and plopped down next to Niall. He was pouting and he didn’t give any fucks.
Halfway through the movie (Mulan with Subtitles), Niall got a call from his mom. Apparently it was urgent because he left without taking any food with him. This left Zayn and Liam, who were snogging and Louis.
Harry was going to write on his sign that he was leaving but then he decided that he’d rather not interrupt what has happening. He got up, headed towards the door but a hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Let me drive you home.” Louis offered. Harry just shook his head. “C’mon, it’s about to storm out.”
Harry glanced out the window, and as if on cue, a strike of lightening flashed. Of course Harry didn’t hear that it was storming out. Fuck. Reluctantly, Harry nodded. The moment that the two of them stepped out, it started pouring outside. The two of them ran through the rain and Harry couldn’t help but giggle.
The drive was uneventful as usual. Just when Harry was about to get out and go inside, Louis stopped him.
“Look, I’m learning some new stuff!”
My name is Louis. My favorite color is green. I like movies. Do you know sign language?
Harry huffed grumpily. Why are you learning sign language?
“Because, I want to be able to talk to you.” Louis looked small, gripping tightly at the steering wheel.
Why?
You’re my friend. Louis signed shakily, having to try it a few times before getting it right. And well, Harry just snapped.
We’re not friends. I don’t know what makes you think that we’re okay but we’re not. You stopped being my friend once you found out that I went deaf. I don’t know if this is your way of ‘making up for it’ or if you think that hanging out with the deaf guy and learning a bit of sign language is your ‘kind deed’ to the world but I don’t want to be your charity case and I don’t want to be your friend.
“Harry, wait,” Louis had stopped him yet again from getting out of Louis’ car. “I – I “
Harry nearly gasped; Louis looked like he was about to cry.
“You’re not my charity case or anything like that. And please, please don’t believe that I stopped being your friend all those years ago simply because you went deaf. That’s not – that’s not it at all.” A few tears let loose and Harry had the urge to comfort him.
So you ignoring me for all these years was just a coincidence. This was a load of bullshit.
“I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s true.” Louis had this pleading look in his eye and he honestly did look like he was telling the truth but.
That is a load of bullshit. Now can I please go?
“Wait!” Louis looked as if he was shouting. “I-it’s not bullshit. Please, don’t make me say it. I’m – I’m”
Harry looked down from Louis’ talking to write, No. You don’t get to play the victim. I lost my hearing and my best friend. In the same day. Nothing you can say will make me feel bad for you.
“I liked you.” Louis admitted, face red. He looked so soft and so vulnerable. “The day you went to the hospital, I um. Well I told my parents that I liked you. And their reaction was…less than pleasant. They banned me from going to visit you or – or playing with you anymore. And I listened to them. I felt so guilty about not visiting you and I felt so guilty when you got out and saw the look on your face when your mom had told you that my mom said I couldn’t play. I just – I couldn’t look at you without hating myself. But when I saw you at my first game this year, it hit me. This is my last year. It’s my last chance to make things right before you live the rest of your life thinking that I hated you or something. I didn’t. I never – hated you, Harry. I’ve always liked you. And I’m sorry.”
If you were really my best friend, you could’ve done something. Anything. To let me know that, that it was okay. I spent so many nights crying over you. Instead you let me go through this alone. Great, Harry had also started crying. He didn’t like to think about the first few months after he’d gone deaf. He was so young, he didn’t understand anything. He didn’t understand why Louis didn’t want to play anymore. And he didn’t understand why he couldn’t hear anything. And he didn’t understand why his daddy left. He didn’t understand then but eventually he did.
“I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m so sorry.” Louis kept signing Sorry as he continued talking. “You’re right, I should’ve done something but I didn’t. And I regret it. Please, I’m so sorry.”
You like me? Harry’s stomach twisted with nerves.
Yes, yes, yes, yes Louis kept signing over and over.
Prove it. He almost didn’t write it, he almost lost his nerve. But then he decided, fuck it.
For a moment, they just stared at each other. He had never seen Louis look so vulnerable in his life. It was like a glimpse back to the seven year old that Harry knew, that Harry loved. Harry nearly lost his breath when Louis placed a gentle hand on Harry’s cheek, thumb smoothing soft circles into his skin. Louis leaned across the middle console and gently pressed his lips against Harry’s.
When the two pulled away, Harry’s blush matched Louis’. They both giggled at each other before Harry went serious again.
It’s okay. What you did. But don’t think I’ll let you get away with ditching me again.
“I would never.”
2 Months Later
“Hey,” Louis kissed Harry’s cheek after leaving the locker room for the last time. They’d just had their end of the season party. But Harry was uneasy, has been ever since that night in the car all those nights ago.
Hiiii Harry signed, blushing at the kiss. Do you want to come to my house?
Sure! In the months that they’d become closer, Louis had been making long strides in learning sign language.
Harry’d known it was coming. He’d known it was coming for a while. The second that they got into Harry’s room and Louis signed,
We need to talk, Harry just knew.
Okay, Harry answered, feeling the dread building. He knew that Louis was about to tell him that he wasn’t into Harry quite like that, not anymore. Louis was about to say that he couldn’t be with a disabled kid.
I have been watching sign language movies all night on YouTube –
Videos, Harry corrected. When Louis gave him a confused look, he pulled out the white board. You signed movies. This is videos. He waited until Louis was looking at him expectantly, Harry showed him the correct sign.
Okay. I have been watching sign language videos on YouTube. I want to ask you this in sign language… Louis gulped, looking to Harry nervously. Will you be my ….
“Fuck! I practiced this for like, two hours.” Louis pouted, almost looking as if he were about to cry. “Harry, I’m drawing a blank, I’m so sorry.”
It’s … okay?
“Here!” Louis snatched Harry’s white board away and began scribbling. Will you be my boyfriend? <3
Harry immediately freaked out. This was not where he thought this conversation was going. Even still,
No. And that was a word that Louis for sure understood. Somehow the color drained from his face yet he was still blushing.
Oh. Why not?
Harry wanted to sign this to Louis but the fact that he wouldn’t understand all of it is part of the reason why he had to decline. Instead, he wiped away Louis’ message, even the heart, and began writing.
Because I’m not normal, Louis. Nothing with me will be normal. I mean, you have to learn an entire new language just to talk to me. I won’t ever be able to hear you, don’t you understand that? People judge me all the time, I’m used to it. I don’t want people judging you because of me. You deserve someone better than me. I don’t even remember what your voice sounds like, Louis.
“I don’t remember what your voice sounds like either.” Is the first thing that Louis says. “But do you honestly think that I’m ‘normal’? I eat cereal with a fork. I use Nair on pretty much every part of my body. I’d rather listen to classical music than mainstream music. I’m closer with some of my teachers than I am with my family. None of that is normal. And fuck, Harry. I’m gay, people are going to judge me no matter what I do.”
But Louis, you don’t understand, I am deaf. You can choose to not do all those things, I can’t choose not to be deaf.
I know that you’re deaf. Louis signed, putting every emotion he was feeling into it. “Answer me this: is that the only reason you don’t want to be with me?”
You’re going to regret this. I know you will. It’s going to be so hard –
“Harry, I don’t even want to finish reading that. I fucking understand that you’re deaf. Why can’t you understand that I don’t fucking care? Do you not see that I actually fucking like you and whether or not you can hear me isn’t a factor for me.”
Harry didn’t know what to say. Louis had rendered him speechless. And then he was jumping on Louis, attacking him with his lips.
Is that a yes? Louis signed, smiling so wide that his eyes were crinkling at the corners.
Fuck yes!
-
Prom is a huge part of high school. Harry was very nervous. He kept tugging at his purple silk vest, hoping that he looked okay.
Louis will love it, Anne assured him.
Harry wasn’t really nervous for the dance part, which would be fun no matter what. Seeing Louis dance was always arousing yet humorous. No, what Harry was nervous about was the fact that he had been going to speech therapy and planned on saying something to Louis that night, like actually speaking out loud. Not only that, but he planned on telling Louis that he was ready to go all the way.
As Harry had predicted, the actually dance part was really fun. Even though he couldn’t really hear the music, only the vibrations of the beat, he thoroughly enjoyed himself. Niall spent his entire time grinding on anyone that would let him and Zayn and Liam found a dark corner to do who knows what. And Louis only had eyes for Harry.
Wanna get out of here? Louis signed, still dancing.
You sure? You don’t wanna stay any longer?
Nah, this is actually pretty lame. Plus, my mom just left for work. We could…be alone.
Say no more! The two of them were pulling each other out the door.
Throughout their relationship, they’d done everything except actually go all the way. They were waiting for the right time. And it seemed that they were both on the same page – the right time had come.
Are you sure? Louis signed breathlessly.
Lou, I need to tell you something.
What? Clearly Louis thought that Harry was about to say something negative.
“I,” Harry began, unsure of himself. He’d been practicing but he knew that he sounded weird. Maybe this would like, turn Louis off or something. No, he was doing this. “I love you.”
“Harry,” Louis had tears in his eyes, leaning down to kiss the breath out of Harry. “I love you too.”
Sex with Louis was amazing. It hurt quite a lot at first but after a while, it was pretty much the greatest thing that Harry’d ever felt. And Louis’ face when he came was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
You’re graduating and moving to college in a few months. Harry said suddenly as it hit him that he wouldn’t be around his boyfriend, wouldn’t be able to do stuff like this with him.
Babe, it’s like 15 minutes away.
But there’ll be tons of hot college guys. He shifted, then winced. And it was purely physical. He was not thinking about Louis flirting with college guys, no. Nope.
I don’t want some hot college guy, I want my Harry. Louis kissed that look right off of Harry’s face.
Even though they’ll be able to hear? And properly talk.
You hear me better than anyone. And I thought we were talking?
But –
No. You hear me. Not with your ears, sure. But with your heart. And that’s enough for me.
“I love you.”Harry voiced aloud again.
I love you too.
-
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