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It had always been a running joke in the party that Mike Wheeler was absolutely oblivious. Mike knew there was some truth to it. He knew that sometimes he wasn’t fully aware of his friends feelings even if they were obvious to everyone else and sometimes he said things that hurt people when he thought it was harmless. He knew that. But he also knew he wasn’t as oblivious as everyone said.
The problem was more that he was possibly the most awkward human being on the planet. Sometimes, when he was hanging out with friends, he would be fully aware that they were on the verge of tears but have no idea what to do about it. So he’d leave them be and go on as if everything was normal.
And Mike didn’t like it at all. He wanted to comfort his friends, he wanted to be able to comfort people. But he just couldn’t. Whenever he tried to comfort people, it just seemed to make them angry or upset.
It was driving him crazy. His awkwardness when it came to human emotions was destroying friendships.
He couldn’t understand Lucas’ sudden obsession with becoming popular. They’d always been outcasts, they’d always been bullied. What had changed in high school? What was different? Mike just didn’t understand. And whenever he’d try to talk to Lucas about it, one of them always ended up angry.
And then there was Will. At the beginning of freshman year, Will had moved away to California with Joyce, Jonathan, and El. As far as Mike knew, everything in California was good and they were all well-adjusted. The problem was, everything Mike knew about California came from El, not Will.
Mike and El had been sending letters back and forth to each other since the Byers had moved. He didn’t call her because she was supposed to be dead, but both Mike and El sent each other enough letters that it didn’t really matter. Mike sent El a lot of letters because it was easy. He knew exactly what to say and he was pretty sure he knew what El wanted him to say.
But then there was Will. After they had moved, Mike and Will had kept in touch. Whenever Mike had sent El a letter, he usually wrote one for Will too. Mike and Will had called a bit at the beginning too. But Joyce had gotten a job as a telemarketer and it became nearly impossible to reach the Byers house. Mike had complained about it to anyone that would listen, he was so frustrated.
But Mike and Will’s contact had quickly fizzled out around the January after the Byers moved. Mike had written El a letter like always before starting on Will’s letter.
Hey Will, the letter had said.
How was Christmas in Lenora? Did it snow? Probably not, you live in California. I can’t imagine a Christmas without snow. It snowed here in Hawkins. A lot.
Mike had crumpled up the letter. He hadn’t been able to find the words he wanted to say to Will for the past month. His letters had grown shorter and shorter and like he was having a surface level conversation, not like he was talking to his best friend of a decade.
He couldn’t figure out why. He didn’t know what had changed. He didn’t know why he had felt such an immense relief when Will said he wouldn’t join another party in California and he didn’t know why his stomach twisted with nerves whenever he though about writing or speaking to Will.
Hey Will, he had tried again.
How was Christmas in Lenora? Mine was pretty good. The rest of the party (even Max) came over and we watched movies and stuff in my basement. It was fun but everyone was moping because you and El weren’t there. Seriously, me and Lucas and Dustin haven’t had a Christmas without you in years. It was weird.
I miss you a lot, Will. Did you get the paints I sent you? I hope you like them, I think they’re the ones you mentioned over the phone last month.
Do you know when you’ll be aloud to come visit? We all really miss you.
Oh, we also played this campaign that Dustin made. It wasn’t as good as the campaigns we used to make, but it was still a lot of fun. I can’t wait for you to visit so the whole party can play again. Nothings the same without you here.
Ask your mom about spring break, my mom actually said yes so as long as your mom is okay with it I should be coming to California over spring break.
I can’t wait to see you.
Love,
Mike.
Mike had thrown down his pen in frustration. Why was this so hard?
He’d looked down at the letter he’d written El.
From, Mike.
He’d looked at Will’s letter.
Love, Mike.
He’d buried his face in his hands.
The next day, he’d only mailed one letter. From that point on, Mike and Will’s communication had been very rare. Mike felt bad about it, but he didn’t know how to fix it. He didn’t know what to say.
So when Mike arrived in Lenora over spring break, he wasn’t surprised that Will seemed annoyed with him.
Things were awkward between them the entire time Mike had been in Lenora. When Will, El, and Mike were all hanging out, Will had been moping, rolling his eyes, and barely talking. And it bothered Mike. A lot. He’d hoped that once he’d seen Will in person, they’d be able to fix whatever was going on between them.
And while Mike was annoyed with Will, he was afraid that the tension between them was mostly his fault.
When Mike had arrived in Lenora, he’d seen Will for the first time in months. Will had looked…good. He’d clearly grown quite a bit and was almost the same height as Mike. He wasn’t scrawny like he once had been. When Will had gone to hug Mike, Mike’s brain had short circuited as his stomach exploded with butterflies rattling around his insides.
He couldn’t even form a coherent thought as Will went to wrap his arms around him, so Mike went for an awkward side hug.
After El had been arrested for hitting that Angela girl with a skate, Mike and Will were finally alone, which seemed to make things easier.
Mike had apologized. He knew Will. After all, they’d been best friends for a decade, even if they’d been drifting over the past few months.
Will had always had a tendency to think that everything was his fault, even if it wasn’t. Mike knew that Will was somehow trying to blame the gap between the two of them entirely on himself, even if both of them were at fault. And when Mike finally had apologized, the smile on Will’s face, the first smile Mike had seen from him in months, made his heart burn in such a strangely amazing way that he was immediately glad he had done it.
In Argyle’s pizza van, on their way to rescue El from Nevada, Mike and Will had talked again.
Will had pulled a painting out of his backpack. It was of the party, fighting a D&D monster. Will had always been a good artist, but Mike had never seen him produce anything of that level. The painting was amazing. Mike had almost wished Will had mailed it to him so he could hang it on his basement wall with Will’s other best drawings.
“This is amazing! Did…did you draw this?” Mike had asked him in disbelief. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Will could create something so great, it was that Mike simply could not believe how amazing his friend was.
“Yeah!” Will had said with a smile with a hint of surprise. Mike’s heart swelled seven sizes inside his chest. This was a painting Will had made for him, and it was the most amazing thing Mike had ever received. “El- El commissioned it. She…told me what to draw.”
Mike had felt his heart stop beating momentarily. His stomach dropped. This…this amazing painting, it was from El? But Mike had enough stuff from El, he wanted something from Will. Mike had tried to revive the smile that had fallen off of this face as Will had started explaining the painting. Something about ‘the heart of the party.’
“…These past few months she’s been so lost without you. It’s just…she’s so different from other people and, when you’re different, sometimes you feel like…a mistake,” Mike had been able to hear that Will’s voice was on the verge of cracking. That his eyes were watering. All that did was confuse him. Why was Will crying about El’s feelings?
”But you make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all, like she’s better for being different. And that gives her the courage to fight on.” Will’s speech had started to pick up, like he’d been bottling this up for awhile and he just needed to spit it out before he exploded. And Mike…Mike hadn’t known what to with that. Why would he desperate to say what El is thinking? Mike had known it hadn’t made any sense, but he hadn’t known how to make sense of Will’s speech.
”If.. if she was rude to you or seemed like she was pushing you away its probably because she’s scared of losing you, just like you’re scared of losing her.” That part of Will’s speech had truly stumped Mike. El…El hadn’t been pushing Mike away. That had been Will. “And-and if she was gonna lose you, I think she’d rather just get it over with quick, like…like ripping off a bandaid.” Will had paused and gulped, his eyes still pools of water. “So yeah,” he had said as his voice cracked slightly, “El needs you, Mike. And she always will.”
”Yeah?” Mike had tried to hide his confusion. Will’s speech hadn’t made very much sense. With the way he had been crying and the things he had said…it hadn’t sounded like he was talking about El at all.
“Yeah.” Will had said. It looked like the tears in his eyes were about to spill over, and although Mike hadn’t known the cause of them, he had tried to give Will a comforting smile.
Will had turned away from Mike. And although Mike hadn’t been able to see Will, he knew he was crying. Mike had known that as a friend he should give Will a hug, or at least try to comfort him. But Mike didn’t know how. He didn’t know what to say or where to start or what to ask.
He let Will cry alone. He just…he hadn’t been able to do it.
Mike was so scared of himself and his own feelings that he couldn’t even begin to imagine trying to tackle Will’s. Mike wanted to say something. He wanted to give Will the longest hug he ever had, to make up for the one at the airport, to let him know that whatever he was crying about, that it was okay. But he couldn’t.
Mike knew that the distance between him and Will was mostly his fault. He knew.
When the Byers had moved, months ago, Mike had talked to both Will and El right before they had left.
Will had thrown his D&D stuff in the ‘donation box.’
”What if you want to join a new party?” Mike had asked him. Mike didn’t want Will to join a new party. Mike didn’t want Will to move. He wanted everything to stay the same.
”Not possible.” Will had grinned at Mike. In that moment, Mike’s heart exploded in his chest. He smiled back at Will with stars in his eyes. Will wasn’t going to join a new party, he wasn’t going to forget about Mike. They hadn’t said anything for a moment, just smiled at each other. And in that moment, Mike thought they were the only two people in the world. Mike and Will. Will and Mike. Paladin and cleric.
Later that day, Mike had said goodbye to El and she had kissed him. Mike hadn’t felt anything when her lips had touched his, he didn’t even close his eyes. He didn’t put his arms on her. He was frozen. He felt absolutely nothing, only that he’d rather have been with Will, saying goodbye to Will, making sure Will knew how much Mike would miss him.
Eventually, Mike, Will, Argyle, and Jonathan had rescued El from Nevada. El had filled them in on everything she knew: a man named Henry from the lab she grew up in was killing people in Hawkins. El had banished him into the upside down years ago, and now he was seeking revenge.
Will and Mike barely spoke the rest of the ride to Hawkins, since El was there, keeping the gap between them open. The rest of the ride was quiet and awkward. Mike could tell Will wanted to say something to him, but he stayed silent.
Eventually, the California Crew crossed the sign telling them they had entered Hawkins. Mike closed his eyes as a massive headache knocked it’s way into his skull. All at once, his head starting pounding. It felt like it might split into two. He rubbed his temple with his hand in an attempt to make it feel better.
“Are you okay?” El asked him in her slow cadence. There was a bloodied spot on her lip where she’d been biting it the past few days.
Mike nodded. He didn’t want to make her anymore stressed than she already was. “Just a headache.”
Nobody spoke as Jonathan drove to Max’s trailer park. El directed them to the right trailer.
The five of them hopped out and El knocked on the door. It was white, with old painting peeling off of it. It flew open to reveal a very disheveled Steve Harrington.
His eyes widened in surprise. “Byers? Wheeler? El? What are you guys doing here?” Steve stepped aside to let the five of them in. He looked at Argyle in confusion, then shook his head as if he was too tired to care about the newcomer.
“Mike!” Nancy gasped. She ran over to him and wrapped him in a tight hug. Mike awkwardly patted her back. Him and Nancy loved each other, but they didn’t hug. They just didn’t.
El ran over to Max, who was sitting next to Lucas with headphones on.
After Nancy let go of Mike, he sat in a chair in the corner of the room, his head pounding. He tried to ignore the chatter in the room, focusing only on Will’s voice talking to Dustin and Lucas. He wasn’t really listening to what he was saying, just to the sound of the voice. Mike loved Will’s voice. It had always been calming but…once Mike had gotten to California, he’d noticed that it had deepened considerably. Now he couldn’t get enough of it. It was the only thing he could listen to without his head screaming in pain.
Nancy started explaining something about Henry, the man from the lab. Mike tried to listen, but his head just hurt too bad.
Mike felt something drip out of his nose and wiped it. His hand came away bloody. He had a damn nosebleed. Mike could almost laugh, it was so comical. The world was about to end, and Mike Wheeler had a headache and a nosebleed.
He shot up from his seat and rushed out of the living room of Max’s trailer.
“Mike?” Will called as Mike went by him.
“Bathroom!” Mike yelled back, trying to keep the pain of his headache out of his voice.
Mike didn’t go to the bathroom, but went outside into the cool air. He collapsed into Max’s front step as he wiped his nose with his sleeve and took a deep breath. In the quiet of the outside, Mike was even more aware of his headache.
He took a few more deep breaths to try and get himself under control. He looked at the woods across from Max’s house. It looked…almost sinister. It gave Mike the creeps. He could hear birds chirping from in the forest. They didn’t sound nice, though. They sounded almost afraid, like there was something in the woods.
With a shiver, Mike stood up and opened Max’s front door.
But instead of going back to the group in the living room, Mike stopped in his tracks. Will was sitting against the ugly wall, right next to Max’s front door. He was looking through a folder. A yellow folder. Mike’s stomach flipped as he realized what it was.
Will was looking through all of Mike’s unsent letters with a look of horror and disgust on his face.
Will looked up at Mike. In that moment, Will didn’t look like Will. Will Byers was kind, selfless, and could be a bit of an ass sometimes. Will looked…almost evil.
“What the fuck is this, Mike?” Will asked with an accusatory tone in his voice. Will stood up, face to face with Mike. Will shoved the yellow folders with all of the letters into Mike’s chest, hard. “Love, Mike? What the hell, Mike.”
”Will…” Mike’s chest tightened. His heart was pounding against his ribcage. He didn’t know how Will had gotten those letters. He’d hidden that folder under his mattress so not even his mother would find it. “How…” Mike couldn’t even form a sentence. He felt out of breath, like he had just run a marathon.
“You’re disgusting.” Will pushed him so hard that he fell.
But he didn’t fall into Max’s floor. He kept falling and falling and falling until he landed in water.
The water was freezing. He looked around, panicked, only to realize he was in the quarry. How? Mike’s brain was short circuiting. He couldn’t understand how, one second, he’d been talking to Will, then he’d been at the quarry. Mike started to swim back to shore.
He hit something. He pushed whatever he hit out of the way, only to realize it was a body. It was Will’s body. Mike screamed. He swam away in a panic.
Will was alive. Mike had literally just been speaking to him. So what was Will’s body doing at the quarry?
Something grabbed Mike’s ankle. He let out a surprised shriek and tried to swim away, kicking and thrashing to get whatever had grabbed him off his ankle.
But it was no use. Mike got pulled down into the water, all the way to the bottom of the quarry. When he hit the bottom, the water drained away.
He was at his house. He was sitting in his fathers chair, the television playing the news across from him. The house was warm, and he had a glass of soda next to him.
An older El rushed into the room, dragging a young child behind her.
“Mike!” She all but yelled, “tell Ellie to apologize to her brother.” El demanded.
Mike was confused. Why was El older? Who was this Ellie girl?
“Ellie, do as your mother says.” Mike’s mouth mumbled. Mike tried to speak more. What did Ellie do? But it wasn’t listening to him.
El huffed. “No, tell her.” El demanded.
“Yes, yes honey I agree.” Mike mumbled again. Mike couldn’t make his mouth say what he wanted it to. He couldn’t get his eyes off of the television. His body wasn’t listening to him.
El huffed and stomped away, in a manner Mike thought was eerily similar to his mother.
The room melted away, and Mike was in the upside down. He was in Castle Byers. Next to him was twelve-year-old Will, softly singing “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” while shivering. The sight made Mike want to puke. He went to help Will, but couldn’t. He was almost in a bubble, protecting him from the upside down.
In his bubble, the upside down couldn’t hurt him. But it also meant he couldn’t help Will. That Will would suffer while Mike went completely unscathed. It felt all to similar to November 1983. He couldn’t help Will.
Mike would do anything to save Will. He went crazy trying to escape his bubble to try to get to Will.
“Will!” He yelled. “Can you hear me?” Mike didn’t know what to do. He knew he wasn’t the best friend at times but he would always save his friends when they were in danger. No matter what.
Will sat up and looked at Mike. He no longer looked twelve, but like the Will Mike had spoken to earlier.
“I don’t need your help.” Will laughed at him, and evil glint in his eye. “You really think I’d ever want your help?” Will stood up and walked closer to Mike, who inched back. His bubble was gone. He was in the upside down. “I read the letters, Mike. I know.”
There was one letter Mike had written, right after the Byers had moved.
Hey Will,
I can’t believe your mother actually went through with it. You’re actually moving.
I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know how I’ll live now that you’re gone. I know you won’t believe that. But seriously, we’ve been best friends since we were five. You are such an integral part of my life. I don’t know how I’ll get through high school without you.
I’ve been moping since you left, and I think the other think that it’s because of El. And yeah, I miss El. But it’s because of you.
We do everything together. Or, did? I don’t know. I don’t like that. How many D&D campaigns have we planned together? How many sleepovers have we had? You are my best friend. I seriously can’t imagine my life without you in it.
Thats why I went so crazy when you went missing. Because I seriously cannot imagine a life without you. I know I was an ass this summer, and I’m sorry. I wish that wasn’t the last summer we had before you moved away. If I could make it right, I won’t. I think…I think I was just scared, you know? I mean, Lucas had a girlfriend. Dustin had a girlfriend. I think I wanted to feel like I was…I don’t know. Nevermind. Actually, I think the main reason why I pushed you away so much was because I was scared. I was scared of how I feel about you.
You, Will, are so amazing and you make me feel things that I don’t know what to do about. Your voice gives me butterflies and I get nervous to even be in your presence. I’m sorry for being an ass, and I know our friendship can survive California. I know it. A decade isn’t just erased like that.
Love,
Mike.
”What is wrong with you?” Will shook his head and walked away in disgust.
Mike could feel tears pooling in his eyes. He had been right. But still, Mike wasn’t willing to just let him go.
“Will!” He called. “Will!”
”Face it, Michael.” Said a voice from behind him. Mike turned around. It was a horrible disfigured man. The ground squished beneath him with every single step he took. Henry Creel. “He doesn’t need you.” This isn’t real.
Mike desperately ran away from Henry, tripping over vines and stumbling over his own feet.
“Stop running, Michael.” The voice called. “No one needs you.” Mike’s heart skipped a beat. This was fake, but we’re Henry’s words fake? Did anyone really need him?
Nancy loved him, but she had Jonathan, Robin, and Steve. The Party had each other. He only caused El pain. Will would never speak to him if he knew the truth.
He stopped in his tracks. What was the point in being alive in no one needed him?
Mike heard something.
”…need you! Come on, Mike. Come on.” It was the voice of Will Byers. He whipped his head around. Why could he hear Will? Breaking up the upside down, the was a gate to Mike’s friends. They were all standing in a circle, looking panicked. In the center of the circle was Mike. He was looking up and floating slightly. He could that every single one of his friends was speaking, but he could only hear one of them.
“Mike, come on, please.” Will’s voice was soft, almost like a whisper.
“And-and if she was gonna lose you, I think she’d rather just get it over with quick, like…like ripping off a bandaid.” That was what Will had said in the van. And it still didn’t make sense. Mike and El had spoken a bunch when she’d moved. He was never afraid that he was losing her. He had been afraid of losing Will. El hadn’t been rude to him, that had been Will.
Mike felt an overwhelming sense of clarity.
“So yeah. El needs you, Mike.” ‘I’ll always need you, Mike.’ “And she always will.” ‘And I always will.’
“Mike!” He could hear Will’s voice again. “Come on, Mike. We need you, we all need you. I need you, Mike. Come on.”
Henry reached Mike right as he bolted towards the gate to his friends. Through the gate, he could see himself float even higher and Will’s voice got even louder in his ear.
Trees were falling down around him, vines were trying to wrap around his ankles. But he just kept running. He needed to make it to Will.
He burst through the gate and landed hard in someone’s arms.
“Mike!” He heard Will sob above him. Mike was vaguely aware there were headphones on his ears, playing some song he liked. He ripped them over and threw them across the ground.
“Will.” Mike breathed, out of breath.
“Mike,” Will wrapped him into a hug. It was an awkward hug, because Mike was also laying in Will’s lap, but it didn’t matter. “I thought we’d lost you.” Will quietly cried into his ear.
“I’m okay.” Mike breathed.
Mike hugged Nancy, Dustin, Lucas, and Max, who seemed quite shaken.
“You scared me, paladin.” Dustin mumbled as he hugged him tight.
Will helped Mike inside. They walked slowly. Mike was shaken up by everything that happened and he couldn’t stop thinking about everything that Henry showed him. Will’s dead body. Will in the upside down. Will hating him. Him and El as parents.
“Are you okay?” Will asked as him and Mike sat down on the hallway floor. Everyone else was sitting in the living room, trying to figure out Henry’s next steps.
“Yeah.” Mike leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He exhaled. “A bit shaken, but I’m okay.”
Will nodded. They sat in the same silence that had been plaguing them for months. And Mike was sick of it.
“He showed me you, you know.”
”Me?” Will asked in disbelief.
“Yeah. A lot of you, actually.” Mike looked over at Will. There was a beat of silence before Mike continued talking. “You hated me.”
”Me?” Will asked again.
“Yeah.” Mike looked at Will sadly. “Twice.”
”What- I…why would you think I hate you?” Will asked. “I could never hate you. Why- why would you think that?”
Mike laughed softly, despite myself. “I don’t.” He assured Will. “It’s just…I think you would if you…knew.” Mike mentally slapped himself for saying that. He would have to explain.
“Knew what?” Will asked. “I…what could make me hate you.”
Mike smiled at him softly. “It’s just…I…” Mike really didn’t know why he had gotten himself in this situation. Will said he could never hate him, but only because he didn’t know. “Last year, when you moved…I realized that, uh,” but Mike knew he needed to tell Will. If he didn’t, the same awkward distance would just grow between them. “You know what saved me, Will?” Will looked surprised by the sudden change in topic.
”The music, right? But what do that have to do with…” Will looked a bit lost.
“I don’t understand it,” Mike started softly, “but it wasn’t the music. I didn’t hear any music in there.”
Will looked confused. “Then how did you get out?”
“I…I heard you.”
Will arched his brow. He didn’t understand what Mike was trying to say, and honestly, Mike didn’t really understand either.
“I didn’t hear anything else.” Mike hoped that Will understood what he was trying to get at. Mike placed his hand on Will’s shoulder and looked him right in the eye.
In that very moment, staring at each other in the hallway of a crappy trailer, time stopped for Mike and Will. There were stars in Will’s eyes as he looked at Mike. They looked almost glassy, like he wanted to cry. A wave of understanding seemed to pass through them. They were Mike and Will. Paladin and cleric.
“Last year, when you moved away, I realized that…I love you, Will.”
“Mike,” Will whispered, and tear slipped out of his eye. “I…”
”You saved me, Will,” Mike whispered. Will broke their eye contact first to face the wall and lean his head on Mike’s shoulder. Mike felt himself immediately relax into Will’s frame, pressed up against him.
”I love you too.” Will whispered back.