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The world is cruel.
Mika knows this. Mika has lived it.
And he knows that, in some way, God is perhaps real for letting this all happen.
( but just maybe, he wants to find someone else to blame other than himself )
He’s so tired.
The world changes, but the fighting never ceases. He and Yuu have been the catalysts to both the beginning and ending of a true war, but as predicted, the humans are as greedy as ever, the vampires as aloof and arrogant as they have always been.
The perfect seraph within Yuu never allowed him to die from mortal wounds, but it’s proven that old age is not included in such immunity. Mika has seen it, and now lives for the both of them.
The seraph within Mika is corrupted, decayed. Flawed from the start, and deteriorated evermore by vampire nature.
Or rather… deteriorated from the lack of vampire tendencies.
Mika finds it ironic that his stubbornness to drink human blood has led him to this fate, that such willpower leads to the true immortal form of a being. Vampires are weak, they fall victim to their hunger, and so they fall victim to cursed weapons, to the shadows of themselves.
Mika is different.
( he hates it )
He wanders.
He had no other loved ones left alive other than Yuu. He never made any friends, never found family again. His real family died at the hands of Ferid after all, and the survivor has already passed on to a peaceful rest.
Mika is alone now, and he just walks. There is no end, and he cannot remember the beginning. All that drifts in his mind is Yuu and the flashes of his family’s faces. Then they are replaced with bloodied stains, their remnants chased by death itself.
Mika sometimes tries it too. He tries to follow in his family’s footsteps, tries to join them in the afterlife, or wherever they may be. They may need Mika, after all, and he doesn’t want to abandon them.
( yet sometimes, Mika thinks they have abandoned him )
He passes the second century mark, and comes to a conclusion.
Death doesn’t want him, it seems.
Life laughs at him, and Mika concludes he doesn’t belong anywhere.
Both human and vampiric organizations have risen and fallen.
Yuu and Mika are mere legends, heard only through tall tales, and when Mika listens to them one day, he finds that they’re all wrong.
Yuu is a hero. Mika is… a filthy vampire. A villain. He does not deserve the praise given, and instead tries to coax Yuu’s story, the truth of it.
Mika is glad when those who listen believe him and refrain from mentioning the bloodsucker that apparently doesn’t exist. Mika is glad when Yuu’s name is spoken with reverence, and Mika’s is spoken like a distant memory.
Mika does not deserve to live eternally through memories.
( and apparently, he does not deserve death either )
He hears Ferid’s voice sometimes.
The noble is always chastising him, teasing him. Grinning and laughing at him. Forever making Mika doubt himself and doubt others.
Oooh, Mika~ Maybe you were listening after all! You’ve stayed at such a beautiful age… how precious.
Mika wishes it were Yuu’s voice instead.
But then—
( he wouldn’t be able to stand Yuu saying he hates him )
Mika never believed in reincarnation.
No one ever came back from the dead. Even if they did, family would only be lost from one another with no inclination of finding each other ever again.
Those were his thoughts on it, and that was that.
Until…
He stands by the old Hyakuya Orphanage—or at least, what’s left of it. Over two hundred years of wear and tear have not completely decimated the land upon which it precariously stands, and no human nor vampire have ever touched it. Yet just beyond this city, a remnant of humanity has settled, and so…
How cute. Ferid’s voice smiles into his ear. Your long lost family member~ I do wonder how he tastes now. Shouldn’t you have a little treat?
Mika freezes.
It’s not that Ferid’s words get to him. It’s not even because of whatever pangs of age old hunger that still exists crawling over him.
No, it’s…
I don’t deserve to be in Yuu’s life.
I’m a monster.
A hateful one. A deceitful one.
The young boy clambers over a chunk of debris, looking as moody as usual. He seems completely fine. Not malnourished, but not entirely glamourous either. There’s thoughtfulness to his movements, as if… he’s looking for something.
Mika steps back, further behind a still-standing wall. He’s scared. He doesn’t want Yuu to find him.
Ferid is amused. Do you like playing hide-and-seek?
“Big brother! What’re you doing here? They said we shouldn’t be wandering around alone!”
He feels his heart tear.
One by one, they bounce in after Yuu. They surround him, playfully tease him and Yuu—being Yuu—grouchily brushes them off, as if they’re a family he’s never come to accept yet already has in his heart.
Mika takes one step forward. Another step. His heart hurts, and his head is pounding with utter need.
Are you sure? Ferid is the devil, and the devil’s words grow thorns in his legs, halting his shaky movements. After all, you led them all to their death, once upon a lifetime. How do you know you won’t do it again?
Mika swallows.
( when he runs, he runs not as if he’s desperately trying to put distance between the monster and his family, but rather the certainty of a situation that will make them fall with him )
He’s tainted, cursed.
( blessed, the seraph whispers )
Yuu will be happier without him.
Inevitably, he goes back only to watch them.
There’s an ache in his heart, one that won’t be healed by his nature, nor by time alone. The pain pulses, ripples throughout his being every time he catches a glimpse or a faint laugh. He’s sad, but immeasurably happy for them at the same time.
Your family. Ferid whispers and laughs at the same time. You are so sweetly masochistic. I wonder if that started along with your self-loathing, or maybe when you started to enjoy the pain that I gave you when you were younger…
For a moment, Mika thinks it’s the former reason. But then…
He remembers wisps of his past, stumbling back to their quaint little home, back to his family with arms full of expensive foods. His pockets heavy with power, and light with the hope of escape.
He remembers bearing the suffering with a smile even as exhaustion (and the ache at his neck and jaw) plagued him, and honestly knows that he would do that all over again, if only to make his family’s life easier.
Mika will suffer for his family. His pain means their happiness, and Mika is truly okay with that.
( because once upon a time, he’d selfishly gone on with his own plans, his shallow, naïve plans of escaping the city that day; he’d been ridiculously excited, had wanted to escape for so long for it meant his and his family’s happiness but— )
If you go back into their lives, they will suffer. Ferid is a sly, sly devil. You know this.
He does know. He’s learned.
Yuu would probably beat him over the head for this kind of attitude. But then, Yuu doesn’t know he exists.
( and it’s probably better that way )
Mika hates himself when he’s there, and hates himself even more when he’s not.
He hadn’t known. How could he have known? He’d been away, monitoring suspicious activity in the human base down south. But when he returned, only fire greeted him. Blood taints his vision once more, and he cannot breath.
Within the settlement that his family lives in now, there’d been an attack that’d slaughtered his precious ones and Yuu—Yuu—
Rage consumes him.
He doesn’t think. He doesn’t see. All he hears are the shallow breaths of his dying loved ones, the hysterical crying of Yuu trying to get away from this—the vampire and Mika is there, already tearing out the thing’s throat and the seraph within him swells, delivers it’s own judgement and the wild vampire is keening, shuddering and dying and Mika relishes in the sadistic pleasure of revenge—
Ohooo, impressive, Mika! You’re so much stronger than when this happened before, aren’t you? Ferid is pleased, clapping, but Mika doesn’t listen.
Because beyond the roaring in his ears, beyond the dying wheeze of the vampire before him, he hears something else.
Mika turns, and sees Yuu.
The boy is horrified, scared. There is something else in his eyes, a stubbornness that has yet to truly take root, but most prevalent is the defeat, the despair. Yuu thinks he is going to die, and terrifyingly, Mika thinks Yuu might just allow that.
“M—!” Yuu stammers out something, something familiar and Mika’s heart stops. His eyes widen, and he takes a step forward. Despite his earlier thoughts, he cannot help but hope there is some recognition within the other’s soul towards Mika, and perhaps that selfish part of the blond wants him to remember everything.
He just—he does want Yuu back but—!
“M-MONSTER!”
Silence.
Ferid starts laughing.
How tragic. But he’s so close to the truth, no?
Yuu is glaring at him with hateful eyes. Yuu sees him as another vampire, another mindless evil. Yuu doesn’t… doesn’t remember anything.
For a moment, Mika stays motionless, unable to react straight away. He has not thought that word would come out of Yuu’s mouth towards him but—
Ah, you’re such a hypocrite. Ferid has a lilting tone. And you were so desperate to condemn yourself as a monster. What changed? Are you becoming selfish, now?
No, not selfish. Mika doesn’t want to be selfish. He just wants Yuu to—
Yuu runs at him, and the spirit seems to come back into his eyes. His features twist with despaired rage, and he’s drawing his small fist back, as if to try to punch Mika.
Automatically, the blond stops it.
He stares for a while. Yuu struggles, grasps his hand back and starts batting at him in earnest. Though the swings are harmless, Mika feels them as if they are real blows, because Yuu is doing this, because Yuu doesn’t recognize him. Yuu only identifies him as a monster.
But…
Mika sees something in Yuu’s eyes that gives him hope.
Yes. Yuu won’t give up here. He lived for revenge, once upon a time. It’s what kept him going after he lost the entirety of his family. It’s what made Yuu want to become stronger, to live.
Is that the answer?
You think in such twisted ways. Ferid whispers, and a giggle follows his comment.
Maybe. Mika will admit that, but it makes sense. Mika wants Yuu to live. He wants him to make new friends, new family. And… and while humans are ever so greedy, there are good ones out there too. Yuu just has to find them.
But first...
“I killed your family.”
His words are dull, bored almost. Mika hates this so much, but it has to be done.
Features slacken to impassivity once more, and the cold apathy within his gaze is far more monstrous than anything else. He’s never taken credit from anyone else before. He’s never cared enough.
This time, however…
“I lead all the vampires here, to your home.” Mika lies through his teeth, and watches Yuu’s features twist with something unnameable, something scary. “They needed a feed. It’s unfortunate how… your friends could not satisfy him.” Mika gestures to the fallen vampire he’d taken out before. He feels like puking at the same time.
“Weak. Humans are weak.” Mika bares his teeth, and turns away from Yuu, trying not to show his utter dismay and remorse at the tears running down youthful features. “You are barely worth my time.”
You’re so cruel, Mika~ Ferid seems so happy. I really love you this way!
“NO!”
Mika feels something hurl into his leg. He looks around, sees Yuu attempting to hurt him as fiercely as possible.
“DON’T EVEN SAY THAT! MY FAMILY—YOU KILLED THEM!!!”
Ohoho, how far can you twist this, my darling Mika?
“A… a waste of space.” Mika almost falters. He hates this so much. But Yuu needs a reason. He needs a purpose, and Mika wants to give that to him.
So you’ll make him hate you? Is that your goal here? Ferid seems genuinely curious. Hmm, hatred is quite a heavy emotion… you’re rather good at traumatizing young children, aren’t you?
Mika almost snorts, bitterness upon his tongue. Yeah, he learned from the best.
He tosses Yuu away from him—as gently as possible, though Mika winces inwardly nonetheless—and looks over his shoulder at the young child, as if Yuu is nothing more than dust in his eyes. As if Yuu doesn’t mean anything to him.
( and he does It because Yuu means the world to him )
Yuu is gasping in choking breaths. He’s shaking, and Mika wants nothing more than to comfort him.
“Don’t bother. You’ll only die straight away.”
Then, he leaves.
It’s quick, it’s over. His vision is painted with fire and blood, and the amount of bodies sickens him. He thinks back to his family, lying there with crimson painted over their corpses, and thinks of Yuu once more.
He pretends not to hear the scream of grief behind him.
He hates himself more than ever, but tries to pay his respects.
He doesn’t believe he deserves to be within five feet of his fallen family, but the human reinforcements are gone, having taken the survivors—taken Yuu to safety—and killed off the remaining wild vampires.
What are you doing? Ferid is confused. Mika can believe that.
He doesn’t think nor say anything in response, and kneels down.
“I’m sorry, Akane. Everyone.” He whispers, and he reaches out, gently closes lids over still, dull eyes.
It takes a little while to bury them all, but he wants to. He never got to say a proper farewell the first time, after all.
( and Mika thinks it is cruel to have them die the same way as well )
Over the years, Mika keeps watch over Yuu.
He has never tried true infiltration before, but it’s alarming how easy it is to make his way into the human’s guarded city. Perhaps he cheats slightly with his own prowess, but are vampires not their most formidable enemy?
Mika scowls. It’s a miracle that no vampire armies have attacked yet.
Still, he knows there are groups brewing. The previous nobility that had ruled in his time have wasted away, leaving only mere remnants behind. Along with them, the Japanese Imperial Demon Army has been ‘disbanded’, replaced by another organization that takes pride in their far gentler rule over everyone. The humans are still powerful, but not as overly powerful and greedy as they were two centuries ago, and the only real threat at the moment are the wild vampires, the ones starved for human blood. It’s harder to access them nowadays, now that there are no greater cities dedicated to livestock.
This new human organization is hardly purposed for offensive movements, and perhaps that is for the best. There’ll be no wars, no battles with high causalities. No one will live in fear of being killed or made livestock. No one will look down upon human greediness and deem them a threat to be eliminated.
No, if any of that were to ever happen again… Mika will annihilate the perpetrators.
What he does know is that demon weapons are rarer. Nowadays, they’re only given to those who can be trusted to handle them. Among those weapons left are the black demon series, and Mika honestly isn’t sure whether he wants Yuu to get into that again.
Well, that would be your own fault now, wouldn’t it? There is a sly smile in Ferid’s voice. You wanted him to vow vengeance and gain power, and now he’ll do just that, won’t he?
But Mika has faith that Yuu will find family again. He has faith that he’ll gain precious friends and comrades, and maybe that will be enough to make him stay within safety.
At least this time around, there will be no one trying to use Yuu. Mika made sure of that.
But you’re using him in a way, aren’t you? Mika tries to ignore Ferid this time, but he keeps talking. Oh, Mika, I had no idea you were this cunning! Did you think that if you made him hate you enough, he’d find some way to kill you?
Because that’s what you want most, more than Yuu finding another reason to live. You want to die, don’t you, Mika~?
“That’s not true.” He whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. His hands are shaking, and he clenches them tightly enough for nails to draw blood from him palm. He’s not selfish. He doesn’t want to use Yuu. This is his problem, so—
Liar.
( he cannot deny he’s feeling the weight of the many years he’s lived, and the many years still to come; they are cloying threads, dragging him deeper and deeper into something that is Not-Mika, because Mika was never meant to live this long )
You’re so tired. Ferid croons, and Mika does not have an answer.
Mika thinks it’s a little crude to keep on spying on Yuu like this, but there’s no other choice at the moment.
He wants to know Yuu’s thoughts, his feelings and choices. He wants to know what Yuu is planning, and it’s very unlikely that Yuu would ever come to him to express any of that. No, instead…
He becomes another student at the school in disguise. He wears contacts to avoid letting other’s know of his true nature, and he keeps his mouth closed and hardly speaks in fear of revealing his fangs. However, he’s there for reconnaissance, if anything else, and he only moves around in this school when he needs to.
He finds it ironic how Shinoa is here as well. He doesn’t like her—ah, if he’s to be honest, he never did like any of Yuu’s new friends. He just… didn’t trust them.
Jealous?
Maybe, Mika will admit, and leaves it at that.
Now, however, he is subtle in his stance, leaning tiredly against one of the many courtyard’s trees as he listens to their conversation nearby. There are hardly any students around, but Mika has still picked a distance where he would still be able to hear, but not be singled out as suspicious.
Besides, Mika still has to hide his face. Yuu would recognize it as the vampire who murdered his family, after all.
It has been senseless banter that Mika has been listening to mostly. He finds he’s both irritated and amused, because Yuu has never lost that fierce, stubborn nature. However, Mika can tell when he warms up to someone. Mika’s gotten through that defensive barrier himself, after all.
Now, their conversation gets interesting.
“Is it true that vampires are in the army?” Yuu seems to add this as an afterthought, leaning back in contemplation. “You’d know, wouldn’t you, Shinoa? C’mon, tell me!”
“Fine, but only because you’d whine at me.” Shinoa features a familiar smirk. “Buuuut, if you were to say that, then it’s true. My sister told me that in confidence, so you shouldn’t go blabbing your mouth to whoever will listen, okay?”
“Hey!” Yuu frowns at her, crossing his arms in a childish pout. “I don’t blab! I… talk. And discuss! Besides, this is important!”
“Really? Persuade me.”
“About… about the blabbing part, or the important part?”
“Well if we’re getting serious, then I’d assume your latter point.”
“Okay, okay.” Yuu waves an arm. He seems disgruntled, and Mika tilts his head in interest. “I mean, I’ve heard the rumours, but I didn’t think they were actually true. How dumb is that?! Why are they letting those bloodsuckers into the ranks? Aren’t they just gonna betray us?!” His tone becomes steadily more heated, more agitated. There’s an old pain in his eyes that Mika can identify with, but perhaps the target is far different this time.
Shinoa rests her chin upon her palm, gazing at Yuu with what seems to be grim amusement. “You do realize how many people here want peace, right? There’s been so much fighting—and there still is. But there’s a chance that, with this new regime in place, we can finally live safely and coexist with the vampires.” She pauses, then adds: “The sane ones, at least.”
Yuu still looks unconvinced, and Shinoa seems to see that, for she continues abruptly without waiting for the other to speak. “You aren’t worried, are you? There are drugs in development to stem their hunger, and some people are even volunteering their blood for the cause. It’s a huge risk, I know, but it’s the wild vampires we have to be worried about, not the saner ones. At least we can negotiate with them.”
“Yeah, but…” Yuu frowns, and he shakes his head slowly as his fists clench. He doesn’t look at Shinoa. “How do you explain my situation, then? The vampire that attacked my town was sane! He was leading a group of wild vampires. A group, Shinoa!”
Mika feels his breath catch. Finally.
“Don’t you think this is a little concerning? I mean, they could be planning some sorta attack from the inside! That’s not exactly a peaceful motive, is it?!”
Shinoa has been silent for the majority of Yu’s rant, but she finally straightens. “No, it isn’t, Yuu. But you have to realize that that vampire is only one out of the many. I’m not saying that the remaining sane vampires are all good, but the ones that don’t want to fight? They’re tired, Yuu. They’re much older than us, and I’m tired of the fighting already, too.”
There’s something in her tone that makes Mika pause. It’s not only that she’s correct about a few of the vampires but… she sounds so much older than her own years. It’s disturbing, and possibly detrimental to Mika’s own plans.
Yuu ruins the moment, though, and Mika almost snorts aloud. “You’re tired? You’re a bloody child!”
“Yes, you can classify me as a child when I’m only one year younger than you.” The sarcasm in her tone is as clear as day.
He’s heard enough.
He pushes himself off the tree, moving swiftly from earshot and out of their line of sight.
Did you hear something you don’t like~?
Ferid again. Mika swears he’s going mad himself. But then, maybe he has already gone mad. After all, why choose Ferid’s voice, of all voices, to be stuck in his head?
Aw, don’t be like that, Mika~ You love me, don’t you?
Mika is more repulsed than anything else.
Still, it’s strange. Mika hasn’t heard of vampires joining the humans before. Why hasn’t he been told this?
Tch. Time to pay a visit.
New Japan.
Mika finds the name is less of a mouthful than the name of their predecessors, the Japanese Imperial Demon Army, but nonetheless, the only thing he cares about is whether or not they do their job.
After all, Mika has… indirectly founded it.
The city they reside within is large and growing. Many refugees wander in, attacked by wild vampires or even in need of a new home. NJ welcomes them all, and keeps everyone safe within guarded walls. There are at least two schools, several hospitals. More homes are being built by the year and the military power is born of loyal citizens.
No vampire dares to come near, but even then, the humans are not too worried. There is not as much fear as there was two centuries ago, and perhaps that was the stepping stone to allow for the mix of both humans and vampires.
Only two centuries… what a joke. There’s no way that both vampires and humans can change their nature in such a short period of time. Mika doesn’t believe it.
Or perhaps Mika is just being Not-Mika, a mass of cynicism against a world whose life and afterlife has rejected him time and again.
He leaves those thoughts behind, and proceeds on to the main quarters of the heads of NJ’s government, to the leader herself.
Krul Tepes.
“You’re early.” She states with a smile.
It has always been strange to Mika to see her without sharp fangs in that grin. But then, it’s strange to see her at all, considering how grown she is. And the woman moves over with frightening speed, already wrapping her arms around him tightly and squeezing. He feels the smirk when she presses her lips against his neck, and a mock-bite is given before he can even blink.
“I’ve missed the taste of your blood~”
“Don’t.” Mika says quietly, and steps away, pushing her off him. She seems to pout, an incredibly childish gesture, but there’s a centuries old face behind those feminine features. It’s ironic that he’s found her at all, and even more ironic that he’d been the one to raise her before she came into her memories. Granted, he hadn’t meant to raise her—finding her and saving her had been both on instinct and on accident. From there, there’d been some attachment, yet there’d been a lack of interest upon realizing the face of the vampire who’d turned him in another life. She doesn’t go by Krul anymore, but Mika doesn’t think he’d be able to think of her as anyone else.
“What are you doing?”
He doesn’t given context to his question, but she reads him easily. Or perhaps she’d been expecting that the only reason he’d ever visit her is to question her specifically about this topic.
“Oh, the vampires, you mean?” She tilts her head, and that smile seems almost menacing. “My intention is genuine, of course. Vampires and humans can live together if we try.”
Bullshit. “You don’t believe that.” His voice is flat.
She hums. “Neither do you, apparently.” When he doesn’t answer, she carries on, effortlessly moving around the room with a graceful twirl. “Living as a human is very liberating, sometimes. I don’t feel the hunger, and it is easy to love.” She stops in her little dance, pausing to look at him. “Though, it’s rather frustrating to be so weak. And the greed, the foulness… it’s quite a wonder why I haven’t just converted back to vampirism. It’s so much simpler on the other side.”
Mika wholly disagrees with that, but decides not to express his opinion to prevent a one-sided argument. Instead, he narrows his eyes at her, and she starts laughing at his unvoiced query.
“Oh, Mika. My cute little dog… I haven’t changed over because there is something about humans that fascinate me now that I’m experiencing being one.”
Dog. He feels the old shame rise up, but he squashes it immediately. Focus. “And what is that something?”
Krul hums again. “Family.”
For a moment, he thinks she’s joking. But then he realizes how she’s been looking at him, how warm the embrace had been from her when she’d hugged him. How genuine the emotions within her voice were when she said she missed him.
He thought it’d been an act. Is she… truly serious?
“You look like you don’t believe me.” Krul smiles again, and it seems… strangely sad. “It’s pathetic, how far I’ve fallen into human tendencies, but it’s strangely nice. Nicer than human blood.” She licks her lips, and turns away from him again.
She’s grown soft. Ferid sounds almost maniacal. She’s grown weak. You should take advantage of that, Mika~
Ah.
“So you’ve invited vampires into your human community to create a family.” Mika states flatly. There’s disbelief underlying his tone.
“That’s right.”
“… You’ve changed.”
“So have you.” Krul counters, and she lazily stretches her arms forward, like a cat. “I used to watch you when you were human, you know?”
Mika balks. He can hardly remember those days, has almost forgotten that he’d been human once. “So?”
“I knew of yours and Ferid’s deal, but I allowed it to happen because of... curiosity.” Krul clasps her hands together. “I questioned why you were suffering so much to bring your family happiness. I wondered what gene in the human race would allow such pathetic weakness. It made me think that maybe you needed a different perspective on the matter. A vampiric perspective.”
Mika shifts, discomfort growing within him. “Where are you going with this?”
“Hush.” Krul shushes him before continuing. “Vampires don’t have the notion of… family. It brought weakness, flaws that we didn’t need. We looked out for ourselves only, and looked down on the human race for bearing those philosophies.” Her eyes narrow then, and Mika cannot look away from such a sudden, piercing gaze.
“You’re not human anymore, Mika.”
He snorts immediately, trying to still his nerves. Why is he so nervous? “I think I’ve established that.”
“No, not in body.” Krul steps forward. “But in mind. You don’t have that concept of family anymore.”
Anger suddenly pulses through his veins. “You can’t assume that.”
“I can.” Krul’s eyes grow cold. “I’ve been a vampire longer than you have, and I’ve lived as a human for longer than you have as well. I know both races, inside and out and honestly?” She seems whimsical all of a sudden. “I wish I’d been born a human. And now I am. Unfortunately, you won’t get that same chance.”
Ferid starts to laugh in his mind.
Mika scowls. “I don’t care.” It’s like she wants to rub his eternity in his face.
“I know.” Krul says simply. “And that’s my point.”
She doesn’t say anything more than that, and Mika doesn’t want to prolong the conversation, so he leaves. It’s irritating him—Krul gets to him more than anyone else he knows, and he hates it. Despite his indifference, there’d been something there in Krul’s words that sparked a thought in the back of his mind, and Mika doesn’t like it.
You’re not human anymore, she’d said. Mika had known that, but… what does she mean, exactly?
Does it matter? Ferid sniggers. She’s told you her reasons. You should stop it. It’ll only fall apart, after all. Humans and vampires can’t coexist, remember?
Yeah. He knows.
( he can’t help but hope, though )
He honestly doesn’t know what to do.
Yuu seems to be a little more at ease among his new comrades, and Mika is glad for that. He is. Yuu seems happy, and that’s all Mika has ever wanted. At the very least, he isn’t actively trying to gain revenge on the vampire who’d apparently lead the attack on his family, and seems to be willing to stay within his peaceful life.
Mika wonders whether he should leave, but then realises he can’t. He’s grown attached again to this living hell, this aching for a family member long lost yet Yuu is right there—right there and Mika can only watch from a distance. He thinks it’s punishment, but he’s only punishing himself.
You’re such a martyr. Mika can almost imagine Ferid leaning his chin upon the exterior of his palm lazily as he looks at him with amusement in his gaze. It’s a common Ferid thing to do, he’s noticed, especially when he wants to patronize Mika.
Oh, wait. Ferid pauses, as if genuinely surprised. Martyrs have to die, don’t they? Aha, and you can’t~
( shut up )
Shinoa and Yuu meet up regularly, chatting in the same courtyard, in the same place that Mika followed them to the first time. And just as regularly, Mika leans against the same tree, listening in absentmindedly to their conversation. It consists mainly of inane things: schoolwork, new friends, Shinoa teasing Yuu. Then sometimes it develops into the darker things, like Yuu wishing for revenge, for power, Shinoa telling him how and when the vampires will live within their city, Yuu hoping to leave the city, and join the guard faction that looks for wild vampires and kills them, the Hunters.
Mika thinks the burning feeling in his chest is just the starvation clawing at him again. He’s not jealous. He isn’t.
“You always did have a one-track mind.” Shinoa muses aloud at one point, perhaps in response to Yuu swearing revenge once more, and it raises alarm bells in Mika’s mind.
“Huh?” Yuu seems completely taken aback by the comment, but Shinoa only waves him off and continues.
It’s only after Yuu leaves that Shinoa stands. She’s slow in her gait, but her first step immediately tells Mika where she’s headed.
He doesn’t know why he doesn’t just leave. He doesn’t know what possesses him to actually want to talk to her, but he stays put for the inevitable confrontation, and can only regret it afterward.
“You have a healthy habit of listening in to people’s conversations, don’t you?” She says the moment she’s in front of him. Her pose is easy, open, but her eyes are hard and wary.
Mika remembers her as a sly woman, one who has used Yuu but learned to treasure him as a true comrade. Mika remembers being angry at that, but then was glad upon realizing that not only has Yuu found a friend, but he’s taught her how to love and be loved in a family.
However, Mika doesn’t remember ever actually interacting with her. Yuu’s told him about her sarcasm once, but Mika hadn’t thought it’d be this bad.
“I guess.” Mika says quietly in response. His flat gaze remains on her.
“You’re Mika, right?” She asks, and she’s softening a little, he can see that. “Yuu’s childhood friend.”
Of course she remembers. He isn’t surprised.
Shinoa continues. “We never got the chance to meet, did we? I can’t remember too much… everything’s a little foggy, but I can recall enough.”
“No.” Mika answers her question, and he’s blunt. “You died.”
“I did.” Shinoa smiles then, surprisingly. She would’ve been an interesting vampire. “And I was reborn. Funny thing, isn’t it? Reincarnation.”
“Yes.”
She frowns slightly. Seems to actually look at him, this time, then that frown becomes deeper. “Were you… reborn as well?”
Shinoa is troubled, and Mika doesn’t think she should be. Why should she care? “No.”
At the admission, she steps back, surprise blossoming across her features. “You’ve been living all this time…? But why? You didn’t—Yuu said you didn’t drink human blood. He wasn’t lying, was he?” She’s trying to recover, possibly, and lets playful irritation enter her tone, as if Yuu is playing a trick on her.
“He wasn’t.” Mika says, and almost decides not to elaborate. Maybe he should try, at least, to be nice. He’s still not over the bitterness of her group using Yuu. It’s a blessing that they’re even able to talk to him now without Mika stopping them. “The seraph gene mutated.”
( evolved, they whisper, but Mika ignores them )
“That’s… horrible.” Shinoa looks as if she doesn’t understand the word herself, as if it’s only something she can imagine. Then again, that’s perhaps the only thing she really can do. “But you aren’t going to live your life alone, are you? Yuu wouldn’t want that.”
Mika wants to snap that she doesn’t know what Yuu wants, but refrains. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does matter if you’re still here.” Shinoa counters, and Mika concedes.
“Don’t tell him.” He says to her softly, and his words confuse her.
“Don’t do that.” She responds sharply, already knowing what he’s thinking. “You’re here, he’s here. Go have some wild fornication in one of the dorm rooms.”
“What?” Mika’s visibly startled, eyes widening as his mouth gapes for a moment.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Shinoa laughs, amused at his reaction. She grows serious after a small moment. “Still, though, you should talk to him. Maybe it’ll kickstart some of his memories.”
Mika figures she’d come to that point. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
Because you’ve made him hate you, that’s why~ Ferid answers in his thoughts. Mika thinks it would be tedious to repeat, and settles for something else.
“I need to go.” He turns away, already regretting this conversation. It’ll be hard to settle the ripples from this meeting, but he’ll need to leave for a while. Maybe his presence will die down in the other’s mind, and consequently, in Yuu’s.
“Wha—?” He hears the shocked verbalization just before he disappears from her sight.
You’re running. Ferid observes in amusement.
Mika figures he’s probably right.
"Let me go with the Hunters! I need to!"
Mika happens upon an alarming scene within one of the classrooms. He’d been curious as to where Yuu had stormed off to after a small fight (a play one, Mika hopes) with Shihou Kimizuki. Yoichi Saotome had gone after him, but he’d lost him as much as Mika had, until now.
And here Yuu is, currently confronting Krul who’d been wandering the school for a reason Mika is wary to know of. He honestly doesn't know what will come out of this confrontation between them, and though he won’t interrupt, Mika's more concerned than ever that Krul will do something.
She's never been a predictable vampire, after all. She's less so when she's human.
"You drag me into here just to tell me that?" Krul seems amused, casual. Her airy demeanour infuriates Yuu, and her smile is smug, as if knowing something that Yuu doesn’t. Which would be a lot.
She gives her answer after a split second.
"No."
Mika's both relieved and annoyed at the same time. He does want Yuu to have a purpose in life, and that's for him to live for family and himself, not just for revenge. However, he knows Yuu. He'll try to be on the Hunter's team no matter what, and that just means he hasn't committed himself to his new comrades.
But then, Mika can't really blame him. Family is... precious, after all. It's hard to let go of for humans.
You sound so dispassionate. Ferid observes, humming lightly. You’ve forgotten how a family works, haven’t you? Well, it’s not too surprising, you’re not human anymore, after all~
Ferid is like a broken record, saying the same thing over and over again. Unfortunately, it’s not really Ferid saying what he says, but instead Mika. And Mika knows Mika better than anyone, so… so everything Ferid says must be true.
Right?
Yuu’s snarling all of a sudden, and Mika tunes back in to see him take a few aggressive steps forward, arm sweeping out to accentuate his following exclamation. “Why not?! You need people, don’t you?! I’m completely willing to fight!”
Yuu’s always been so determined when set on something. It’s a trait that Mika both admires and admonishes.
At the student’s words, Krul seems to pause. Her gaze flicks over to where Mika is standing, surprisingly, as if she knows where he’s hiding. It seems her vampiric senses have not been dulled despite being born as a human.
Krul tilts her head. “… Would you be willing to do something for me in return?”
Mika is ready to interrupt now. He doesn’t trust the woman one bit.
Yuu, apparently, doesn’t have the same thoughts. His hand flies to his chest, earnest in his determination.
“Anything! Just get me in their group!”
So rambunctious. Ferid comments in a bored tone.
“Alright.” Comes the answer, and hope blossoms immediately upon Yuu’s face.
Mika almost hisses aloud.
What the hell is Krul thinking?!
He takes a step forward, intending to intercede now, but… but that won’t be smart, even if it kills him not to intervene. Yuu would immediately be suspicious, and Mika can confront Krul afterwards about whatever request she thinks Yuu will do for her. Mika swears, if it’s anything dangerous or harmful to Yuu, then—!
“Save him.” Krul says softly, and she hands something to Yuu Mika doesn’t see. It’s a folded piece of paper, a photo maybe. Yuu takes it dubiously, expression faltering to confusion as he warily opens the photo—
And drops it.
It’s quite rapid, how his features twist into rage and hatred from the previous, flitting shock.
“Are you fucking with me?!” His tone is aggressive, and he seems to be getting angrier the more time Krul takes to answer him. The woman herself seems surprised at his response, and can only frown at his reaction. She turns towards Mika’s direction slightly, and there seems to be a question upon her lips but Yuu shakes his head, teeth bared in his growing anger.
“No, I’ll kill him. That’s the only reason I’ll join. I can’t accept your request because—because this man is a monster!” Yuu’s shaking. His hands and entire body are trembling with suppressed rage.
He’s quite talented in pointing out the obvious. Ferid gives a small laugh.
Mika honestly doesn’t need to see the photo that has fallen face-down at Yuu’s feet to know who Krul means. He doesn’t know how Krul’s gotten a picture of him, but to think she’s asked Yuu to somehow save Mika is incredulous to take in.
“A… monster, huh?” Krul seems more thoughtful than aggravated at the blatant refusal to her condition. Mika has no idea what she’s thinking, but figures he’s about to find out when she straightens, focused once more upon Yuu. “Leave me.”
Yuu’s anger melts to confusion. “W-what? But—!”
“I’ll give you my answer later.” Krul’s voice turns hard. “Leave me.”
Surprisingly, Yuu actually leaves. He’s ultimately displeased about it, judging by the clenched fists and the glare at the floor as he stalks out, but Mika’s glad he’s gone.
Because the second Yuu is out of earshot, Mika’s a blur as he appears directly in front of Krul, hand at her throat and his eyes are fire as he glowers at her.
“What are you doing?!” He hisses. He didn’t ask for her actions. Whatever her end intention is, he doesn’t want it.
Kill her. Ferid whispers. Kill her now.
Mika ignores him, but he can’t deny that the temptation is utterly high right now.
Krul’s frustratingly calm despite the threat that Mika presents her now. She lifts a hand, and rests it delicately around the wrist at her throat. She doesn’t try to lift it off, but neither does she withdraw.
“You’ve met him before.” She states, observing him. There’s an admonishing look in her eyes, and Mika hates it. It reminds him of the times when she’d called him her dog, the times when she’d disapprove of something he did and he’d have to make it up to her as she crooned in his ears.
He’d been… so pathetic.
Krul continues. “And you’ve made him hate you.” Her eyes narrow. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
Oho, see? She came to the same conclusion that I did. Ferid sneers.
“Of course not.” Mika scowls.
“Really?” Krul smiles, looking utterly comfortable with the hand slowly squeezing her throat, and her eyes are calculating. “That is not what this looks like to me.”
Mika’s expression darkens even more, teeth baring in fury at her insinuations because—
( he did this for Yuu, he’s not selfish, he’s not selfish )
You’re the only one who could lie to yourself so well. Ferid’s voice is sly. If I had a dime for every time…
Mika starts to lose it. He begins to crush Krul’s throat in his grasp, and her expression contorts, pain lacing her features and that’s good, that’s good—
“You. Don’t know. ANYTHING—“
Kill her. Ferid whispers. Kill her.
He’s squeezing, tighter and tighter with each passing second and it feels good because Krul’s the one who’d turned him in the first place, Krul is the one who had damned him to this living hell. She’d given him an immortality he never asked for, perspective and power he never even wanted and she has the gall to want to save him.
His fangs are shown as his features twist wholly into a snarl. He feels her pulse, beating more and more rapidly the longer she struggles without breath. Her eyes are wide, yet there is no fear in them, a fact that only enrages Mika more.
Her body is full of blood. Human blood. Ferid goads. You should repay the favour, shouldn’t you?
Yes. Yes he should. Krul likes being human, doesn’t she? He should take that from her, like she’d taken his humanity from him—!
Footsteps. Loud ones, from behind. It takes Mika a split second to react, already turning angered features towards whoever dare interrupt.
His heart stops.
“OI! I CHANGED MY MIND!! I WANNA KNO—“
Yuu comes skidding into the classroom again, irritation and stubbornness etched clearly onto his face but as soon as he glimpses Mika, as soon as he takes in the situation of Mika threatening Krul’s life, Yuu takes action.
Mika doesn’t know where Yuu had hidden the blade, but there it is now, driven deep into his chest, catching Mika just as he’s turning towards Yuu, just as he’s letting go of Krul. The blond’s eyes widen in shock, hurt, because this is Yuu once more, piercing him with his sword with nothing but contempt in his eyes.
Contempt that slowly turns into shock, too.
Mika should’ve realised that Yuu would come charging back here to confront Krul again. Yuu never did take no for an answer.
His grip slackens enough for Krul to breathe once more, and she’s wheezing in breath, hands at her throat as she tries to assuage the pain felt there. Yuu’s eyes slide over to her, before his mind ultimately catches up with the situation, and he grips his sword with both hands now, the blade still piercing Mika’s chest. He notices now, that Yuu is holding a cursed blade. Mika doesn’t know how he’s obtained it, but it’s a familiar weapon, one that has perhaps evolved to the form that it appears as now over two centuries.
Yuu’s expression starts to twist with the previous rage, recognition clear within his eyes. It’s not the recognition that Mika latently hopes for, but instead a hated one. Yuu remembers him as the monster that’d lead the wild vampires upon his settlement. Yuu doesn’t remember him as the childhood friend that’d been family to him.
( and Mika chants to himself that that’s okay, that’s okay )
“You.” The other’s voice is flat, deadly. His eyes are dark, and Mika desperately tries to school his own visage to impassivity.
It doesn’t work.
Yuu, it hurts! It hurts! Ferid taunts him, laughing. You’re so precious, Mika~ You don’t think very far ahead, do you? This is similar to how you didn’t expect me to kill the majority of your family~
Mika breathes hard. He feels blood start to rush up his throat, crimson peeking at the edges of his own lips before trailing lines down his chin. There’s a pain in his chest that is both physical and not, and his thoughts are haywire.
But even beyond all that, Mika sees the growing conflict in Yuu’s eyes. The hesitation. He wants to know why.
Because you’re a monster. Why do you think?
“Why are you stopping, Yuu?” The words slip out of his mouth without his permission, yet laced within his tone is a hidden plea. He feels desperation bubbling beneath his skin, just aching to get out and he’s shaking, a hand already pressing upon the metal jutting out of his chest and there’s a sharp burn at his palm, indicative of the cut he’s given himself. He doesn’t pay much attention to it, only knows that the curse itself is slowly activating, slowly adhering to the user’s will.
Yuu is hesitating. Mika had earnestly hoped to avoid this. Perhaps he has been selfish all this time, wanting Yuu to hate him enough to be blindly desiring his death, wanting Yuu to lose himself in revenge enough so that Mika can find salvation through whatever means Yuu can achieve.
Mika hates himself for using Yuu, but he also thinks that Yuu deserves to kill him, too.
Don’t hesitate.
“So you are.” Krul whispers behind him; her voice is croaky from the duress her throat has undergone. There’s no context to her words, but Mika hears her observation as clear as day.
You’re trying to kill yourself through Yuu.
Oops. Ferid’s grin is clear in his tone. Found out~
“Who are you?” Yuu whispers, and the anger has faded. There’s a different kind of recognition in his eyes, one that begs to be answered, reassured of but Mika doesn’t want to give him that. Mika doesn’t want to give Yuu a reason to let him live.
Your selfishness is growing at a rather alarming rate. Ferid remarks. I wonder, did you ever give any thought to how Yuu would feel about this?
He hadn't.
( he didn't care )
"Don't hesitate." Mika says softly, finally, and Yuu flinches. Krul is silent behind him. Perhaps she already knows where this is going.
Then…
He remembers, Ferid’s voice is strangely quiet.
Mika sees it as clear as day. The realization dawns upon Yuu, and Mika can recognize every step of it. Those eyes widen, brows lift as his mouth starts to gape. That confusion and fading anger in his gaze melts, morphing to shock, to horror, to...
The sword is abruptly pulled from his chest.
Mika gasps at the sudden pain, hand pressing to the wound as an automatic reaction to stem the blood as he hunches over slightly, but he needn't have bothered. The wound is already closing.
There's a clanging sound. Yuu has thrown his sword to the ground, and is now taking a few shaky steps towards him once more, visage more vulnerable than ever.
"Oi... you're… Mika, right?" Yuu whispers, and there are tears brimming his eyes. "My family..."
Mika doesn't answer. Mika can't answer.
( he's not really the Mika Yuu remembers, after all )
But then Yuu’s expression changes.
"YOU IDIOT!!"
The yell is expected. The punch to the face honestly isn't.
Mika could've dodged it, but he's too wrapped in his own shock to really register that Yuu is gonna punch him in time to react. The fist collides heavily with his cheek, and Mika staggers—vaguely even hears Krul moving out of the way—, his back hitting the wall. His eyes are wide, he's breathing hard, and he doesn't know what to think. All he can focus on are the pain at his cheek and the furious words that Yuu is yelling at him right now.
"THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, MIKA?! I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU!!"
Yuu takes a step towards him and the emotion from the outburst morphs into something unnameable. Something only a human can identify.
"Mika..." He whispers now, and those tears don't seem to relent. Mika can't read Yuu’s tone, but his mind can't stop spinning either.
He's so contradictory. Ferid sounds bored again in the midst of the chaotic whirl that is Mika's mind. He stabs you, he hates you. He punches you, he loves you. Humanity is... haha, but you wouldn't know, would you, Not-Mika?
No. Yuu shouldn't have to deal with a monster like him.
Mika stands and he finally manages to exude the usual apathy. He's losing it, but he doesn't want Yuu to see.
"I'm sorry, Yuu." Mika says softly. I'm sorry for using you.
"Wait." Yuu seems to realise Mika's intention. "Mika, don't you fucking dare—!"
"Running again?" Krul asks softly from somewhere behind him, an echo of his own thoughts, but Mika doesn't answer.
He's already gone.
He’s so tired, and the world is hell.
( end it )
He doesn’t know how long he stands there. He doesn’t even know whether his mind is still shifting chaotically, or if it’s still and calm.
He only knows that his family is buried here before him, and the stones that mark their graves are not enough to commemorate their memories. He’s not even sure how much time has passed, but he finally remembers that he’s brought them something. Crouching down, he gently deposits the single flower he’s brought them, and knows inwardly that this isn’t enough. Nothing will ever be enough. Not when Mika lives and they don’t.
“I’m so sorry.” Mika whispers.
Again? Ferid asks, and that word echoes for a long time, it seems. Again again again?
“I don’t know what to do, guys.” He finally whispers out loud. It feels good to say that, to admit that. He carries on, forces himself to. He’s never been good at expressing his problems or troubled feelings, but this is a start, right?
You wouldn’t know. Ferid sounds tired, too, but he repeats his words once more. You’re not human anymore.
“I miss all of you. I miss Yuu, too.” Mika almost smiles at the pun, but he finds he doesn’t remember how to. “But I… I’m not human anymore. I don’t think I have been in my mind for a long time now.” Mika gives a dry laugh, but it sounds forced and grating on his ears.
His chest hurts, and his eyes burn, but he doesn’t cry. He doesn’t scream. He’s Not-Mika, and he just exists.
( existing has never been so painful )
You’re so dramatic, Mika. Ferid whispers.
Mika doesn’t answer.
“So you’re the one.”
The voice is familiar, missed. Mika somehow expects it, and so he doesn’t tell him to leave right away. Yet, neither does he answer, waiting instead for Yuu to continue.
Footsteps, and Yuu’s right beside him, staring down at the grave markers.
“I’ve always wondered who buried them.” Yuu starts quietly. “I started coming here at least once a month a couple of years ago to pay my respects, to remind myself of what and who I was living for over and over again. But you’ve already been doing that, haven’t you?”
Yuu gestures to the flower that lies silently upon the grave that Mika knows to be Akane’s. A pause, and Mika gives a silent nod, confirming the suspicion.
“I couldn’t let them just lie there.” Mika whispers, and his hands clench into fists. “Not like last time.”
Last time was bloody, horrific. Mika hadn’t been able to see their dead bodies. But then, he had refused to move for days following his turning. He always knew it was his fault for their deaths, and he can only blame himself. Yuu couldn’t have done anything, not then. But Mika could have prevented all of it.
“Stop that.” The other’s voice is flat as it interrupts his thoughts, and Mika blinks once before realizing that Yuu is in front of him now, eyes narrowed at his face.
“Stop what?”
“Stop… with your whole self-hatred thing.” Yuu says, crossing his arms. He could never be gentle about it, but Mika likes that. “It’s dumb.”
Mika shrugs, however. His gaze turns away. “But it’s true.”
Yuu sighs. Mika honestly expected him to be angry, but maybe Yuu’s just tired of it. Mika can’t blame him.
“You’re coming back with me, Mika. Whether you like it or not.” Yuu says, and it’s then that Mika understands. Yuu’s trying to be patient, just for him. Yuu doesn’t want to chase him off like last time.
Still…
Mika’s teeth grit slightly. “I can’t.”
“What’s stopping you?” Yuu challenges.
He almost doesn’t reply, then, simply—
“I can’t, Yuu.”
“Like hell!” Yuu finally snaps, anger clear in his eyes now. He’s striding forward before Mika can do anything, hands grasping Mika’s shoulders and shaking him, desperately almost, as if he wants to physically extract whatever’s bothering Mika. “I know what you’re thinking, Mika! You think you aren’t human anymore, so that means you can’t be with me or any other human again, right?! You think you’ll bring pain to everyone so you just—you just leave and you won’t say anything! You won’t let us help you!”
Mika’s lips part. Astonishment is clear in his features. Yuu’s saying that, but… but? There’s something within Yuu’s eyes that causes Mika’s chest to tighten painfully. His heart aches, but there’s pain in Yuu’s face as well, pain that only a true human can feel.
But then, Mika hurts too, right?
That doesn’t mean you’re human now. Ferid says lightly, but even his voice is getting fainter by the second.
“But… you’re still human, Mika! Maybe you aren’t physically anymore, but you still feel like one! You’re feeling pain, aren’t you? That just proves you’re a human!”
Yuu seems adamant on that fact, stubbornness clear upon his face as his voice grows louder. He’s stopped shaking Mika, but he’s still holding him by the shoulders, and Mika realises how tightly he’s doing so. It’s a vice-grip, one that doesn’t seem to be letting go anytime soon. As if…
“I’m just…” Yuu shakes his head, and he seems more tired than angry again. “I don’t want to lose you again, Mika!”
He sounds close to tears.
I…
Mika swallows harshly. He hadn’t known, but he should’ve guessed.
“I’m sorry, Y—“
“Don’t.” Yuu interrupts sharply, teeth baring. “Don’t you dare say sorry. I’m sorry for stabbing you. I caused you pain, and I never wanted that.”
Mika stays silent for a moment, but he decides to admit it aloud.
“But I did.”
Yuu doesn’t seem surprised; he only seems to become infuriated once again. “Yeah.” He says in a clipped tone. “Krul told me.”
“I’m sorry for using you.” Mika says quietly, quickly, before Yuu can interrupt.
For a moment, the grip at his shoulders is painful but it’s brief, and Yuu’s eyes narrow before he gives a flat reiteration.
“Mika, you used me.”
Mika flinches visibly, as if to get away, but Yuu keeps him in place despite his only-human strength.
“Let me finish.” Yuu snaps, eyes hard. “Mika, I don’t care if you use me.”
His eyes grow wide, and a word slips incredulously before he can control himself. “What?”
“I mean it.” Yuu says flatly. “I don’t care. But if you use me to hurt yourself, to kill yourself, then I will care. You’re Mika, and you’re m—…” He looks like he’s about to say something else, but physically stops himself. He shakes his head, continues as if he hadn’t stumbled. “Mika, you’re family. You taught me what that meant; you showed me what it’s like to have one, a real one.”
“I…” Mika doesn’t know what to say to that. Yuu’s amazing, as always, and… Mika pales in comparison. Mika doesn’t know what he’s done to deserve such a precious family member, but he supposes Yuu’s already said it all. But still...
Yuu’s hesitant when he speaks again. “Mika… you’re coming back with me. You’re still Mika, and you won’t ever be anyone else. And…”
Mika frowns. He can’t tell whether he should be opposing this or not, but it’s something he’s been wanting, whether he decides to indulge in it or not. He still has reservations, but… he can leave, if he hurts them. He can—
“You aren’t allowed to leave.” Yuu continues flatly, as if reading his mind. “You’re going to stay by my side, and that’s final, okay?”
Mika can still say no. He can still refuse but… Yuu wants this. Even if Mika thinks it’s unsafe for him, Yuu wants this.
But he got hurt last time, didn’t he? He got hurt because of what he wanted. Ferid’s words are poison, but Mika’s slowly learning how to shrug them off.
( he’s being selfish in a good way, maybe )
“And… I’m gonna teach you how to smile again!” Yuu pushes forward with his stubbornness. “You… you haven’t smiled ever since…”
Ever since Mika was turned. Ever since their family died the first time. Mika knows this, but at the same time, he hasn’t noticed. Yuu would, of course. He wonders whether that’s one of things Yuu likes about him.
“You always had a stupid smile.” Yuu grumbles, and he steps forward, closer to Mika, before his hands let go of Mika’s shoulders and instead rest upon his cheeks. Mika’s a little taller than him, but Yuu rests his forehead against Mika’s nonetheless, sighing lightly as he does so. “You smiled whenever you were feeling sad or tired or in pain. I never knew how you did it.”
Mika snorts lightly, but relishes this contact. He must feel cold to Yuu, but… Yuu’s still holding him gently, and Mika leans into the touch, closing his eyes as both him and Yuu breathe in sync.
“But you don’t smile anymore, so…”
Suddenly, Mika feels fingers stick in his mouth, pulling at the corners. His eyes fly open as Yuu withdraws, and Mika stares at the other as he grins, tugging at Mika’s lips and trying to imitate some sort of smile. Mika honestly doesn’t know whether it works or not, but he feels something rise in him, something that makes him want to laugh, but he’s not quite sure how yet.
“Yuu…” Mika manages to say flatly around the fingers in his mouth, and Yuu snickers.
“Well, you’re smiling now!” Yuu proclaims, smirking as he withdraws his hands, but even the amusement slowly fades, replaced by something more reminiscing. “I missed your smile, Mika.”
Missed it…?
“So, because of that, you’re coming with me now.”
Mika still has doubts. He both wants to and doesn’t want to go with him, but… this is Yuu. Telling Mika to come with him, as if that’s a possibility that will happen one way or another. It’s almost like when Yuu said that he’d kill all the vampires. There’s determination in his tone, hope even. Hope that Mika will come with him, hope that they can be a family again.
Ferid doesn’t comment, and for the first time in a long time, Mika feels that same hope.
And so, he goes forward.
“Okay.”
--
The world is cruel.
Mika has always known this. Mika has lived it.
Life doesn’t want him, and death rejects him, but…
There’s both a heaven and hell presented to Mika. A choice. He can go with Yuu and his new family, or he can keep on wandering alone, eternally rejecting the heaven that waits so close, yet so far.
Mika chooses Yuu.
( and he steps into heaven, a smile finally spreading across his face )
-
-
-
fin.