Chapter Text
> ROXY: Wake up.
If only it was just a bad dream.
My head hurts like hell, I haven't slept in two days, I've been getting dehydrated from all this crying I've been doing, and no matter how long I stay locked up in my room, I know Dirk's not coming back.
I glance at my computer, my only connection out of this room right now. The amount of unread pesterchum notifications just keep adding up, from of course Jane and Jake, but also other kids from school wondering where I've been, like reactiveIncursion, nightOrchid, or even one I don't recognize at all, cuttlefishCuller. I don't feel like talking to any of them right now, so I switch off the screen. I'll get to them when I wake up. If I feel like it then.
I lay down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. I'm so fucking tired. Of life and just physically. The world could start ending tomorrow and I wouldn't even care.
My name is ROXY LALONDE. I was given that name two and a half years ago by my mother on my THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY. I'm supposed to like WIZARDS but my interest for them has since dropped completely. I'm addicted to alcohol because of a stupid bet I made with an ex-friend a year ago. (Fuck you, lithiumFoundation.) I have a strange obsession with ECTOBIOLOGY, using the secret lab my mom tried to hide underneath my house. It's filled with mutated cats now, only some of which have been petrified. I've set up a series of FENESTRATED WALLS all around my house in order to enable fast transportation, which I have used said petrified cats to open. And three days ago, my BEST FRIEND, DIRK STRIDER, killed himself, without leaving behind any reason why.
My entire body can't take being awake any longer. My eyes feel heavier than they've ever been, and my physical self surrenders to the sweet release of sleep.
Things won't be better in the morning.
=->
I haven't dreamed in a while, and today is no exception. It feels like only seconds have passed between when I passed out and woke up. I try to keep my eyes shut, to close out the world for a few more seconds, but the slight breeze coming in from outside makes that hard when my hair keeps trying to find its way into my mouth.
Wait. I never opened my window.
My eyes fly open and I'm met with the sight of a purple ceiling above my head, a purple bed I'm sleeping on, and all of the walls swirl with an ornate purple and black pattern. I'm even wearing purple pajamas with a moon displayed on the front, even though I haven't changed clothes in a while. I am in an exact copy of my room - even Frigglish is here - except that it's obviously not my room.
The breeze keeps flowing through my hair when I step up to the small arched window that replaced the many fenestrated (and one normal) ones that dot the walls of my real room. Outside is one of the most confusing sights I've seen in ages. Not only am I on top of a massive purple tower, but the city that sprawls out below it, filled with strange guys who look like chess pieces, is the most purple I've seen concentrated in one place. It feels like I'm not dreaming and yet am dreaming at the same time.
A few other spires similar to my own appear in a row to my right. On the left, large ornate letters spell out, albeit backwards, DERSE. I try to crane my neck to see more of the planet from my window and suddenly become aware of the affects of gravity as I accidentally perform autodefenestration. Hey, at least dream logic says that if I am dreaming, I'll wake up right before I hit the ground.
Except I don't stop falling forwards.
Not as in hitting the ground and clipping through, like in some video games I've played, but rather I'm moving forward through the air instead of accelerating towards the ground.
ROXY: i can fly??
I also can't control it, either, as I drift forwards into the window of another one of the spires, trip over another windowsill, and am met with a wall full of MEOW written and misspelled over and over, almost intentionally. It looks like someone would live here normally, or at least sleep like I would, but the bed is covered by a thick layer of dust. I don't think anyone's slept on it for a while.
I leave this room and propel myself to the next one, the one covered in caution tape. My landing is much more graceful this time, and I set myself down right inside the window. Then a lump forms in my throat. This room, just like mine, is a copy of a room in the real world, but this time it's Dirk's room. I recognize it from a photo he sent me last year, although some changes (including somehow even more smuppets) are present. At the back of the room is a small shrine, backed by puppets and sporting an epitaph written on purple paper behind his glasses. I pick up the paper, and begin to read.
IN MEMORY OF DIRK STRIDER
PRINCE OF HEART
THE AWAKENED DREAMER
DEDICATED BY WV, AR, & OA
My mom is going to have a field day with this dream, I just know it. I've come up with an entire planet that also cares about Dirk as if he matters outside of my small group of three friends.
The broad is inspecting the epitaph as you burst through the door. She doesn't know it's her epitaph that's going to be written next. You refuse to just be a Sacrificial Scapegoat for the queen to blame for Derse's troubles. You raise your pistol to the back of her-
I whirl around. There's some weird chess guy in a fedora holding a pistol to my head. He looks an awful lot like the rival to Problem Sleuth in Problem Sleuth 2.
Shit, you've been found out. You squeeze the trigger of your gun but all you hear is a click, and you know you remembered to load it earlier. You try to fiddle with it to get it working again, but-
The beauty of using fistkind as a strife specibus is that I can deck the weird chess piece looking guy in the face without the need for a weapon. He falls flat on the ground, knocked out instantly. Another chess guy runs up the stairs, clad in a bunch of that caution tape I saw earlier, and I prepare to punch him too, but he flashes some sort of police badge at the guy before taking handcuffs out of his... pocket? (I'm not sure exactly where), and snapping SS into them. He flashes me a quick thumbs up before leaving back down the stairs, and I'm left alone in the room again.
I pick up Dirk's shades, and put them on. I don't know why. Maybe it's just so I can see life how he did, always under a constant shade. Was he depressed the whole time I knew him, and was just hiding everything from me, Jane, and Jake to reassure us? It's not like his glasses have the answer to any of this, but-
AR: What are you doing, Roxy?
The glasses talked. Why did the glasses talk? I jump backwards in surprise, forgetting that there's a wall behind me, and bump my head and
=->
I'm back in my regular room again. I rub my forehead. Talk about a weird dream for it being my first one in what, two years? I'm not telling my mom about it just for fear of a long discussion about symbolism and grief and whatever else therapists do to make themselves feel better for becoming a therapist. You should have just stuck to writing, Rose. I walk over to my computer, and wake it up.
4:13 AM
APRIL 10, 2022
LOGGING IN USER TIPSYGNOSTALGIC
I quickly use the extra funds on my Steam account to purchase the Sburb early access that came out roughly four hours ago and set the download to queue up. If anything is going to break me out of this depression, it'll be playing a game with the friends I have left. Speaking of which, I need to message some of them.
--- nightOrchid [NO] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ---
NO: &hey Roxy are You alright?
NO: &you've Been missing School recently
NO: &&i Haven't heard From you In a Few days
NO: &&Gg & gt Both say You haven't Responded to Them either
NO: &i Understand that You're grieving Right now
NO: &so Just get Back to Me when You can, Ok?
TG: its ok kala
TG: just tryin to not becmoe a sadsack right now
TG: i'll be back at school on mondsy
TG: *become * monday
--- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering nightOrchid [NO]---
--- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ---
GG: Roxy, I understand you're going through a lot right now.
GG: We all are.
GG: Just remember to not stay cooped up in your room all the time.
GG: And you can always talk with us, hoo hoo!
TG: thx jane
TG: ill try
--- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]---
--- reactiveIncursion [RI] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ---
RI: {roxy}?
RI: {where have you been}?
RI: {neither kala or embi have told me} {about what you have been doing} {for the past few days}.
RI: {i just want to make sure} {you are alright}.
RI: {and also} {invite you to our game of sburb} {once we start it}
TG: sorry sera im already gonna do one with jake and jane
TG: maybe after i finish that game ill join up w/ u
TG: also ive been gone bc my best friend died
TG: i dont think i told u sry
RI: {oh i'm sorry}
RI: {i didn't know about that}, {i just wanted to make sure you were okay}
I didn't expect her to be awake at this time, but I'm glad she is. I need someone to talk to.
RI: {crap now i feel awful}
TG: no dont worry about it
TG: i should have just told u
TG: r u downloading the game rn?
RI: {yes}.
RI: {i woke up early} {because i had this weird dream} {about a purple planet}.
RI: {it had a copy of my room in a tower on the moon}.
RI: {and for some reason}, {when i flew to the other tower}, {i saw embi sleeping in a copy of her room}!
TG: so its not just me
TG: thats reassurring
TG: and at the same time not
TG: *reassuring
RI: {you had a dream like that as well}?
TG: yeah xcept there were 4 towers on mine
TG: and one of them had a shrine to dirk
TG: p creepy if u think about it
RI: {do you think} {it might have something to do with the game}?
TG: why would it its literally just a game
RI: {we haven't even seen any gameplay}
RI: {how do we know it's just a game}
TG: ughh ur makin me think too hard for it bein 4 am
TG: i need a drink
TG: see ya
--- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering reactiveIncursion [RI]---
I'll respond to Jake and CC later. It's early enough that my mom probably won't be awake and I can sneak a quick martini or something. Just have to make sure she doesn't wake up. I perform a perfect youth roll out of my room to the staircase, and slide down the banister so that I don't creak on the steps. I slide to the side of the kitchen, knowing the cellar is right nearby, and
MOM: because the timeline has been thrown that far off.
MOM: We're living ten years after we were supposed to.
MOM: Not to mention how Roxy or Dirk weren't supposed to be here for another 413.
I freeze. She's already awake, meaning that this excursion has turned into another game of cat and mouse. I creep to the wall, keeping silent, and listen in. She's probably on the phone with someone, but I have no idea what anything she's saying means. I wasn't supposed to "be here"?
BRO: yeah no shit
BRO: betty crocker went bankrupt just an hour before dirk offed himself
BRO: he obviously couldnt handle the tragedy of sea hitlers confectioneries being lost to time
BRO: or more realistically he decided this timeline wasnt worth it to keep monitoring
Sea hitler? Timelines? And is my mom talking to the renowned director of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: The Movie, Dave Strider? It sounds like him.
BRO: this timeline is either doomed or exists outside canon in a way that dirk has deemed necessary to remove any splinters that exist here
BRO: but he forgot to remove one copy of himself
MOM: Of course!
MOM: Lil' HAL?
I peek out from behind the opening to the kitchen. "Bro", as Dirk liked to call him, places Dirk's glasses onto the counter, next to a book heavy enough to crush a cat, and a gleaming katana.
BRO: youve got the weird analysis stuff in your lab right
BRO: could probably scan the glasses to see if theres anything from dirks mind on there
MOM: I'm not sure if we have the time.
BRO: you think dirk is gonna come back to kill it?
MOM: No.
MOM: I think the earth is going to be destroyed.
MOM: Specifically, today.
MOM: My daughter has already started downloading Sburb, and June and Jade's kids are going to once they wake up.
BRO: shit i forgot about sburb
BRO: also this timelines post-scratch egbert is still a john
MOM: Right, right.
MOM: It's hard to keep track of everything while not being in a robot body.
MOM: Must be how Dirk feels with all of his splinters.
BRO: ...would it be possible to analyze his glasses in the house after being transported to LOPAN?
BRO: if everything works out the same well have like six months or so
MOM: We won't have six months.
MOM: The Reckoning happens after three days.
BRO: its a dead session
BRO: like i know its been a few years but a pretty big part of the reason jade took the planets and skaia was because this is going to be a dead session
MOM: I don't think this one will be a dead session though.
MOM: Jade didn't take Skaia from B1.
MOM: Meaning there will have to be a Battlefield in our kids' session, if the sessions are to be joined together again.
MOM: And the only way that a Battlefield forms...
BRO: ...is through a prototyped session.
BRO: fuck.
Dirk's Bro paces around the kitchen, mumbling to himself. My mom opens the book on the counter and thumbs through some of the pages near the back, before she shuts it and inspects the sword and glasses.
FRIGGLISH: mrow?
ROXY: (frigglish!)
My cat scampers past my hiding place into the kitchen, and rubs his back against my mom's leg. She bends down and scratches his head.
MOM: Hello, Jaspers.
MOM: I believe I might be able to use something in the lab to at least copy the data from the glasses, but-
A blast blows through the kitchen, shattering the windows and causing Bro and Mom to lose their balance. The book on the counter falls off, and I hear the crunch of bones breaking as it falls directly on top of Frigglish. Dirk's glasses fly out of the room and I perform a Sweet Catch! just before it hits the floor.
MOM: Rest in peace, Jaspers.
MOM: You'll be a sprite soon enough.
That's it?
The cat that I found(transportalized into this universe) died and all my mom says is some weird thing about sprites and resting in peace, not even using the name I gave him? And what about talking about Dirk as if he's still alive, and not only that, someone that needs to be analyzed? She's not even speaking mysteriously, like she did all through my childhood. Something must have changed about her in the past few days when I was cooped up in my room.
BRO: please say that wasnt a meteor already
BRO: the first meteor didn't hit for a long time when we played
MOM: It's not 2009 anymore. People can download these games fast.
MOM: But this one was rather close.
MOM: I don't think it's someone's house that got hit.
MOM: I'm going to check it out.
MOM: I'll analyze Dirk's glasses in the lab once I get back.
BRO: alright
BRO: im gonna warn obama
BRO: he died in our timeline so maybe i can save him in this one
MOM: See you on the other side.
Dirk's Bro strides out of the kitchen, past my hiding spot, and slips out the door. My mom leaves out the other exit in the back of the house, and I run up to Frigglish's body. I captchalogue the book on top of him and reveal his crushed body. Thankfully, it doesn't look as bad as I imagined it would look, he's just comically squashed flat. I guess I should transportalize him back to where he came from, if just as an apology. I captchalogue his body as well. Finally, I grab Dirk's sword. I don't have the swordkind strife specibus, so it stays in my sylladex for now.
Finally, I reach my original goal and grab a bottle of an unnamed alcoholic beverage from the rack at the back of the kitchen, uncork it, take a swig, then throw a block of mutated cat through the fenestrated wall I set up a week ago that my mom still has not moved out of the kitchen yet. I jump into it after the petrified creature and begin falling through absolute nothingness.
It always feels like there's some period of time in between the two fenestrated walls where I'm just floating in between them, moving yet not. Sometimes it's short, sometimes long. But usually, there's no one around. This time, I see three people. One looks like a teenage version of Dirk's brother in a red tuxedo, one looks like a teenage version of Jane's grandpa in a teal suit with that one Ghostbusters character imprinted on it, and the third is a grey-skinned person with orange horns, extremely long braids, and the Pisces symbol on her shirt. All three of them have no pupils in their eyes. (Well, two of them. I can't see Dirk's Bro's teenage copy's eyes.) They stare at me and I stare at them and pretty much nothing happens for what feels like an eternity, until the non human one speaks up.
MEENAH: alright )(ow long are you gonna keep t)(is staredown goin
MEENAH: mind explainin why you popped out of a findow and are just floatin in space
ROXY: what the fuck are u doign in the vodiey place
ROXY: *doing *voidey
MEENAH: oh great someones been drinkin faygo )(avent they
JOHN: (dave is that your brother)
DAVE: (wtf no that's literally a girl)
DAVE: (why would my brother have tits)
JOHN: (well they have the weird glasses that your brother did in their hand)
DAVE: (shut up john those glasses are not weird they are the second best in the world)
DAVE: (topped only by my own of course)
ROXY: r u guys some sorta alterntate universe verisons of my friends
ROXY: uh
ROXY: gaurdians i guess
DAVE: (i think thats like my mom)
DAVE: (well technically shes roses mom but also technically still mine)
JOHN: hey window person
JOHN: is your name roxy lalonde?
DAVE: (john you cant just ask that)
JOHN: (i just did)
I'm about to answer the blue kid's question when physics starts working again and I crash through the other side of the window back into my room. Through the non-teleporting window, I can see the horizon start to turn red, but it'll be an hour before the sun actually rises. The time on my computer reads 6:12 AM. It'll still be four hours until Sburb downloads, and I'm regretting not getting the physical version like Jake and Jane did.
A sharp pain in my hand makes me realize that I have been gripping Dirk's glasses way too hard. I set them onto my own face again, and am immediately accosted by screens and screens detailing a large amount of information. I have no idea what most of these even mean, like what the Incinisphere is or the amount of uranium in a sawtooth or squarewave. I reach out to touch one of the windows, and a large orange X appears in front of it.
AR: Roxy. I asked you on Derse already, but it looks like I have to repeat myself.
AR: What are you doing?