Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s bright, way too bright. Static noises whir through Arisu’s ears as he wakes up from the most realistic dream ever. Except he remembers none of it. He just feels happy to be alive, but there’s this underlying pain. An aching heavy pain that feels too real for a dream. One that you feel in your soul that never leaves you even when you think it has. The kind that leers over your shoulder and reminds you that you are weak. Everything feels fuzzy. The harder he tries to remember the dream the stronger the ache in his chest becomes. Flashes of an overgrown Tokyo and playing cards show before his eyes. Disjointed visions of escaping death and hunting bunnies for food. Everything is so unclear and hazy. He isn’t sure why he’s crying, but clearly, the sound alters the person standing looking out the window. “Aniki,” it’s his brother. “I’m glad you didn’t die,” he says then in the softest tone Arisu has heard since their mother passed away. It’s only then that Arisu feels the pain coming from all over his body. He looks around the room, noting finally that he in fact was not at home but in a hospital room with at least four other patients. 

“What happened?” Arisu asks, forcing his body up into a seated position. Wincing at the pain in his abdomen. He forces himself to stop crying as he wipes away the tears staining his face. “A meteorite exploded over Shibuya. It happened so fast there was no way to evacuate before impact. You died aniki – your heart stopped for a full minute. It’s a miracle you’re even here right now,” his brother tells him. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense right now. How could the countless Japanese telescopes miss a meteorite, a whole fucking meteorite? Not even just Japanese telescopes and radar systems, but global ones. It makes no sense that no one saw it coming. Current technology can sense when a star dies billions and trillions of kilometres away in space but it can’t detect a small meteorite heading straight for the surface of the planet. 

Then the thought hits him. “Karube and Chota, where are they?” His brother stays silent. “Hajime,” he stresses. “Hajime where are they?” His brother sighs, pulling a chair up beside Arisu’s bed. “They didn’t make it aniki. They were dead when the rescue teams found them,” Arisu shakes his head. “No. No, no, no, no, no. Don’t make jokes like that. They aren’t funny. Hajime just tell me where they are god damn it!” He raises his voice, grabbing hold of his brother’s wrist. His face heats up as warm tears begin falling down his cheeks. “Aniki, I’m sorry. They’re dead.” Suddenly, everything sounds louder suddenly but somehow muffled. Nothing is clear, his vision is spinning. Breaths in, out, in, out. It’s hard to breathe, so he breathes faster. Shallower breaths make him dizzy, but he can’t slow his breathing. He starts shaking and his heartbeat skyrockets. Arisu thinks that maybe among the buzzing and muffled loud noises he hears his brother speaking. Maybe to him, he can’t tell. Not when it feels like the world is crashing around him and his body feels like it’s shutting down. He doesn’t even realise he’s crying, sobbing between laboured breaths. His blood runs cold and suddenly the room feels scorching hot. 

They can’t be dead. Not them, anyone but them. Chota and Karube didn’t deserve this ending. They both had real lives to be lived. Meaningful ones that would eventually go somewhere. Unlike Arisu. The worthless eldest son of a well-off family that couldn’t even finish university for Christ’s sake. At twenty-four he’s done nothing worth anything. He’s a no-good mooching leech that doesn’t care about anything. His life means nothing. Why does he get to live? What gives him the right to survive while the two best people he knew have to die? It’s not fair. Nothing about this is fair. Arisu deserves to be the one that died. Chota and Karube had things to live for, and Arisu has nothing.

What is a life with nothing to live for?

Worthless. That’s what, and that’s exactly what Arisu is. He should have died. He should die. He’s just a waste of space that eats up resources that could be better spent on people that actually deserve it. Like Karube and Chota. Karube and Chota who aren’t getting the second chance at life that Arisu is. The chance they deserve. The chance that Arisu has been given so many times but each and every time he’s blown it away and continued wasting away doing nothing but playing stupid PvP shooting games. An insignificant, utterly useless and unimportant person like himself doesn’t deserve this second chance. Arisu is undeserving. 

He feels numb. Arisu thought he understood this feeling of nothingness when his mother passed away but the loss of two lives is heavy. The loss of the only two lives in this world that still meant anything to you. That kind of loss is not just the feeling of losing your friends, it’s also the loss of yourself. The loss of yourself because only they were the ones in this dismal world that made you feel truly alive. He’s been awake for three days now. It’s been four days since the meteorite hit. Three days of Arisu being alive but not living. A shell of his former self that was a shell of the person he was before his mother died. “Aniki, are you going to do something with your life now?” His brother pauses for a moment as he sets a bag down on the chair beside his bed. “For Karube-san and Chota-san I mean. I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to mope around forever. They’d probably make fun of you for it too you know.”

“My life is meaningless,” Arisu says instead of a proper answer. “Aniki…” it goes silent then. Arisu is so used to the silence. He’d almost call it comforting if not for the fact that when the silence goes on for too long it starts to sound like all of his darkest thoughts. “Dad cried,” Arisu looks over to his brother. “When he found out you were in the hospital, he cried. He hasn’t cried since mom died, you know.” He’s at a loss for words. What can he even say to that? What’s the correct response to ‘our dad that’s been super hard on you since mom died actually cares about you and cried over you’? How should Arisu know? “I know he’s hard on you – I know I am too, but it’s because we care about you aniki. You aren’t worthless or stupid. Hell, you’re smarter than me and it pisses me off that you’re wasting your life like that. I know you can do better than that. Remember when we were kids and you always told me you were going to design cars when you grew up? What happened to that dream aniki? There’s so much you can do with your life, what would mom say if she saw you like this?”

“Don’t bring her into this,” Arisu snaps. He pulls the IV drip out of his arm and swings his legs over the side of the rickety hospital bed. “I’m going for a walk, don’t stop me.” Then he limps past the curtain and out of his brother’s view. Hajime sighs knowing it’s pointless to follow him. Arisu limps out of the room, his strides becoming steadier with every step. He isn’t sure where exactly he’s going but he knows he needs a breather. A breather from everything; his brother, his thoughts, that dull stale smelling hospital room, all of it. He turns a couple of corners until he sees a door that looks particularly inviting. It’s just one of those generic sliding glass doors but it leads to a balcony. Fresh air. That’s exactly what he needs right now. 

Fresh crisp smelling air hits Arisu’s face as he steps onto the balcony. For a split second, he feels alive. Then the numbness returns and his heart begins to ache idly once again. He breathes in, closing his eyes. He still feels numb, but the fresh air is nice. It eases his mind a bit. Only a bit. “Excuse me, you’re blocking the door,” he hears the voice of a woman behind him say. He snaps out of his momentary trance. “I’m sorry,” he says, bowing as he steps to the side, out of the way of the door. When he’s standing upright again the world stops for a moment. “Have we met before?” he blurts out, immediately covering his mouth afterwards. She looks him up and down, tilting her head slightly. “I’m not sure…” she says and it’s almost as if he can see the wheels turning behind her eyes. Racking her brain for some kind of answer. “I feel like I know you but I can’t figure out why,” she adds on. Arisu nods slowly. “Me too,” he replies, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. “Arisu?” She asks. His eyes widen, meeting hers that are filled with confusion and uncertainty. “How did you know my name?” He asks, stepping closer to her. 

He half expected her to just brush him off entirely when he blurted out the original question but now things are getting interesting. “I don’t know, it just felt right.” She pauses then. “I’m Usagi,” at the mention of her name his ears started ringing. Flashes of his dream appear in his mind. The woman, Usagi, appears in his mind. In a blood orange athletic tank top, running through the run-down streets of Tokyo, eating dinner in a tent during the rain. His face must’ve contorted into something that caused the woman to panic a little as she used her free hand to gently shake his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” Arisu says, gently brushing her hand off of his shoulder. He heads for the doors but stops again when Usagi speaks. “You saw me right? In a dream?” 

His blood runs utterly cold. “How did you know that?” He says in a low voice, shaking slightly. “Because when I remembered your name, I remembered the dream I had before I woke up in the hospital.” Arisu turns around at that. “There’s a table in the corner, let’s catch up?” Usagi says, not waiting for his response before slowly making her way to the aforementioned table. Arisu weighs the pros and cons of following her to the table. Whenever he tries to remember the dream he had it just appears in hazy clouds and yet something about it feels too real. Something about it feels off, feels wrong. He wants to know more. So he follows behind her. She sits down first, leaning her crutch up against the table as she watches Arisu sit down across from her. “My dad was a mountaineer,” she says, seemingly out of nowhere but then Arisu remembers something. “He disappeared on his last trip. Presumed dead,” he adds. Usagi’s eyes widen and she leans closer to him against the table. ‘How did you know…”

He shrugs, face going blank again. “It just felt like you had already told me that,” her eyebrows scrunch together and once again Arisu swears he can see the thought process behind her eyes. “What kind of messed up shared dream was this…” she half mumbles to him and half mumbles to herself. Arisu nods slowly, thoughts swirling inside his head. “May I ask you something?” He asks, getting her to focus back on him once again. She nods and Arisu opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He closes his mouth and takes a breath. Then he tries again. “When you woke up, did you feel this happiness that was underlaid by this haunting aching pain? And it seemed to be without cause?” 

Her face contorts into something Arisu recognizes as deep thought. She’s utterly quiet as she thinks. All Arisu can hear is the distant sound of kids running and playing, birds chirping and adults talking. Then she snaps out of thought. “My heart felt so heavy like I had lost someone dear to me.” 

Arisu and Usagi talked for an hour that day. Ultimately, Usagi left first – having forgotten about a checkup on her leg. They meet up around the same time to just talk about anything the next day. Mostly just to get their minds off of things. It helps Arisu more than he’s willing to admit considering by all technicalities, Usagi was still a stranger. They have nothing tangible to go off of besides a dream that they were both in and the mind can play tricks on you. The day after that they meet on the balcony again. Arisu’s brother hasn’t visited today, though he said he wouldn’t. Something about corporate bullshit, he recalls hearing. 

They’ve been talking for about half an hour already, bouncing back between trying to scrape the depths of their minds for anything else they can remember about the dreams, to sharing random things with one another. “Are video games actually that fun?” Usagi asks, laughing a bit as she takes a sip of her juice. “Honestly?” He asks back. She makes a face he can only read as ‘of course you idiot’. “Not really,” he pauses for a moment, looking off into the clouds. “I was just good at them.” Usagi hums, nodding her head a little. “I’m sure there are other things you’re good at,” she says optimistically. He shrugs her comment off. “Usagi-san, I’m twenty-four. I live at home and do nothing but play games. I dropped out of a mechanical engineering program in my second year after my mom died. I’m a useless ass that…” but his words fall flat as he lays eyes on two people that walk onto the balcony. 

All the air feels like it’s been sucked out of his lungs and yet he can’t take his eyes off them. Thinking his behaviour odd, she turns around only to be stunned as well by some unknown force as she lays eyes on them. Memories flash before both of their eyes and it’s almost debilitating. The pair must feel the eyes on them because in unison they stop and turn towards the tale Arisu and Usagi are sitting at. They freeze at the sight of the seated pair and Arisu feels the most overwhelming feeling of happiness and pain. “Chishiya,” he breathes out. 

Chapter Text

A table half covered in smartphones, a lobby filled with people, nervous energy buzzing within. A five of spades flashes across the screen. “What the hell…” Arisu mumbles under his breath. He looks to Karube who seems to be just as puzzled. “It’s a game of strength,” a man says, popping up beside Karube. 

 Machine gun shots, running down the halls of an apartment complex. Screaming, silence, heavy footsteps. “We have to take down the tagger,” Karube says as they stand hidden in a stairwell. “How the hell are we gonna do that?” Arisu asks, half whisper yelling. A big man walks up to them in the hallway, tossing Karube a fire extinguisher. “We take down the tagger, you search for the safe room,” They stand there wide-eyed for a moment before Karube nods. “Arisu go,” so he runs. 

 Dents in a metal door, bullet holes surrounding the frame, a shorter silver-haired man approaches. “So you figured it out too,” he says and Arisu nods. “Why else would the tagger have shot at us from such a long distance?” 

 A dark room, eerie silence. It seems too easy. “Look out!” Arisu yells, pushing the silver-haired man out of the way. The man jumps, using a makeshift taser to knock out the hidden tagger. It was too easy. Gunshots again, two doors slamming shut, a bright white room with two big red buttons. 

 A giggling door handle, shouts for help out the window, gunshots ring louder. The door handle breaks, there’s one minute left. He’s being shot at, running full speed toward the gunman. A flash of silver out of the corner of his eye then it’s gone as the gunfire continues. “Someone help!” He yells. 

 The sound of shoes hitting the ground, a shout, ten seconds left. A woman lunges forward, the gunman is down, four seconds remaining. A leap of faith, eerie silence, the clock stops. 

 When Arisu snaps out of his trance, his head is pounding. He’s still on the balcony. Usagi is still sitting across from him and the pair standing mere metres away are still there. Except now the man is helping the woman stay standing. “Chishiya,” he breathes out again. He stands up and all the blood rushes to his head causing him to nearly topple over into the outer wall of the hospital. “Arisu!” Usagi says, reaching out for his hand in some feeble attempt to stabilise him. The silver-haired man stares back at Arisu with a look in his eyes that Arisu can’t place at all. He looks lost in his eyes, pained by something he doesn’t know. Arisu is glad that they’re alone on the balcony now. He stands up, steadying himself. “Kuina,” Arisu says. “Are you okay?” He asks. The aforementioned girl snaps out of her thoughts. She locks eyes with Arisu. “Why do I know you?” She asks, standing up fully without the help of the silver-haired man. 

 “Why do I know you?” He counters. Her face scrunches up, clearly deep in thought. As confident as Arisu was when he spoke the woman’s name, he’s just as lost as to why he feels so incredibly connected to her. Like he’d been to hell and back with her. “Why do I know any of you?” It feels like he’s yelling, maybe he is yelling. He’s overwhelmed, everything is getting to him. Arisu’s heart pounds so loud he’s sure the others can hear it. His mind starts spinning with thoughts and flashes of what feels so much like concrete memories. He’s spiralling down the rabbit hole of his own thoughts. He wishes they would shut up like a telescope. He wishes everyone would shut up like a telescope. It’s too loud outside. “Something isn’t right,” he chokes out. “Arisu,” the silver-haired man, Chishiya, says just above a whisper. 

 A beige hotel room, hushed voices, a plan. 

 Sneaking through the halls, a deck of cards, deception. 

 “You used me,”

The world seems to have gone quiet. Shutting up like a telescope just like Arisu wanted. The sound of kids laughing and playing has disappeared. No more birds chirping. No faint hospital noises or hushed voices of doctors and patients. Like everything and everyone had evaporated into thin air and all who remains are the four souls staring at each other. Chishiya suddenly feels nauseous, that kind of nausea only associated with anxiety and fear. Fear that he had done something so incredibly unfair to the man standing a few metres away from him when seemingly, they’d never met before. “I’m sorry,” and it’s the first time Chishiya has genuinely uttered those words in years. 

 You know, the messed up world of surgical medicine really takes a toll on a person. It wears them down and strips them away of all their empathy. It solidifies the shell around their heart leaving only logic, reason and money to guide them. Even paediatric cardiovascular surgical medicine does that to a person. You go into it with an open mind, looking to help those who need it. Help those who’ve been waiting for the longest only to find out that none of that matters. All that matters is money and greed. Financial donors, a payoff here and there to cut the line. It doesn’t matter if you’re dying, if someone else can pay their way in, the heart is theirs. The funny part is that it took his heart stopping for a whole minute for him to reconsider his life choices. After narrowly escaping death, Chishiya vowed to be a better person. It starts with Arisu, he just isn’t sure why. Arisu takes a breath before he walks all the way over to the pair. “I know this may sound crazy, but when you woke up from the accident, did it feel more like waking up from the longest most realistic dream ever? With the sense of joy for being alive but also an underlying dreadful pain?” Kuina blinks a few times like she’s processing the words coming out of his mouth. 

“But remembering the dream makes you dizzy,” Chishiya says slowly like he’s testing the waters of what Arisu is saying. “Exactly,” a beat passes. “And you feel like you’re losing your mind because it feels like you’re forgetting something you just can’t seem to grasp at the memory,” Arisu says. 

Shibuya square overrun by nature, an eerie silence, four young adults waiting for the other shoe to drop. An ominous giant LED screen, rumbles in the distance. An army of old cars weaving through the battery-powered ones. “Those are cars from the beach,” the woman sitting around in a bikini top says. 

Cars breaking, doors opening, people flooding the streets. “We saw the blimps,” a man says, approaching the group. “We heard rumours about the second stage starting soon,” a woman adds on. “Anyways–,” a gunshot rings out.

Shock courses through their veins, another shot. There’s a sniper. “Run!” Someone yells. So they run. Together at first, splitting up only when it seems easier to do that and recuperate later. The King of Spades. The final game of strength.

A moment later, the sounds have returned to the world and the door to the balcony opens and out steps a doctor. Hair pulled back into a low bun, bangs styled to the side. A smile of true evil. Arisu’s blood runs cold. An icy fear runs through his blood and he has to fight the urge to tumble backwards. But it’s not just Arisu that feels this way, all four twenty-some-year-olds feel that same bone-chilling fear. Usagi begins to shake and though she’s seated it feels like her legs have turned to jelly. Kuina trembles as her gut wrenches from the most unbearable tear of her life. Chishiya has never felt fear like this, never let the emotion register on his face before. So when he feels the emotion wash over his face his breath falters. Arisu feels sick with a deep sense of dread. Then it clicks.

It was never just a dream.

Everything returns to them in that moment. The fireworks, games of life or death, losing people they cared about. Collecting playing cards, cheating death. Arisu remembers everything. Losing Karube and Chota in that god-forsaken game of hide and seek. When Usagi found him in the rain and helped him despite having no reason to show him kindness. The beach, Hatter and Aguni. Meeting Chishiya and Kuina. Being used by Chishiya. Another game of hearts and –. “I see you all have come to your senses,” the doctor, Mira, says. She laughs, long and drawn out. Sweat beads at Arisu’s hairline. “What the hell is happening?” He asks, voice raw with fear. Arisu feels betrayed. He won. He played all three rounds of croquet without giving in to her antics. For fucks sake he watched her die! This shouldn’t be happening, this can’t be happening. She laughs again, a sickly cackle that she fails to restrain. 

“Did you forget silly?” Mira asks, folding her hands in front of her stomach as her face contorts into a malevolent smile. “Every deck has two jokers,” her head falls as she maniacally laughs once more. “You beat the first joker just now by figuring out the ruse,” she tells them. Kuina wants to rip the hellish grin off of her face. “And how do we beat the second joker?” She hisses, taking an albeit wobbly step toward the doctor. Mira’s face falls flat. “By killing me of course,” she deadpans, eyes staring straight ahead out into the vast field of families playing below the balcony. Arisu’s eyes widen in utter shock. “Though that might prove a bit challenging now that we’re in the so-called real world Arisu,” Mira’s face twists back into that devilish smile as she turns her focus on the tall twenty-four-year-old. “Your time for this game is unlimited. If you are never able to kill me, you’ll stay in this world forever knowing that this is not where you belong. I wish you all the best of luck,” she pauses, eyes wandering across the balcony at the four of them. “But I’m a bit hurt that you thought the Queen of Hearts would go down so easily,” then without another word, she turns on her heels and walks off the balcony and back inside the hospital. When the door closes, Arisu falls backwards onto the tile floor. “Everything was real,” he mumbles. “I knew it seemed too convenient for a meteorite to strike without any warning at all,” he continues mumbling. “Chishiya stop him before he spirals, please!” Usagi yells, not trusting her own legs to carry herself to his side. 

Chishiya stands stunned. He’s never like this, he never lets himself be affected by things like this. He never used to. The games changed him, changed the way he looks at life. Arisu changed him, spinning his perspective of right and wrong on its head. Arisu, he needs to help Arisu. He takes a breath before staggering to his side on the cold tile floor. “Look at me Arisu,” he says, but it comes out harsher than he intends. “Arisu please,” he says, successfully softening his tone this time. “You know, I was a pretty shitty person before the games started. Hell, I was a pretty shitty person during most of the games,” he laughs a little then, but it’s not a joyous laugh. “It was only through you that I learned to be a better person again. I’m starting to feel sappy now, so pull it together Arisu. We’ll figure this out,”

Arisu is set to be discharged in two days, and so are Chishiya and Kuina. Usagi has another five days of observation before she can be discharged. It’s been one day. One day after their reality shattered and Mira unveiled the final game in her master plan. Arisu lays in bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Is there something interesting up there that I’m not seeing, Arisu?” He looks over to the foot of his bed finding Chishiya standing there leaning against the railing. Arisu rubs his eyes a couple of times before he shakes his head. “I was just thinking about things,” the taller of the two admits. Chishiya hums, looking around the room. There are too many people in this room. “Take a walk with me?” It’s half a request, half a demand. 

That’s better than all demand, Arisu supposes. “Okay,” he carefully throws his legs over the side of his bed and slips on the hospital slippers at his bedside. He walks up beside Chishiya and the pair set off out of the room. “Were you thinking about your friends again?” Chishiya asks, not sparing Arisu a glance. But there’s a heavy feeling in his heart. “Yeah…” Arisu admits. He lets the shorter male lead the way as they navigate the maze-like hallways of the hospital. He wonders lazily how Chishiya is walking with such confidence through the halls. “I worked here,” he says as if he was capable of reading Arisu’s mind. “Your face says it all,” the shorter male adds. Arisu hums instead of replying. “Paediatric cardiovascular surgery,” Chishiya announces, followed by a soft chuckle. “I bet you didn’t even know that was a specialty,”

A sigh falls from Chishiya’s mouth. “You know, I went into the field hoping to help as many kids as possible. I wanted them to have second chances at life. To live happy lives once they’d recovered. And then I had my first patient bumped down on the transplant priority list. That really kills your will to be a good doctor, in case you had any doubts.” Chishiya runs his fingers through his silver locks of hair. “You don’t look older than me,” Arisu says. “How can you already be a doctor?” Chishiya laughs at his question like it’s the silliest thing he’s ever heard. Yet somehow Arisu can’t even find it in himself to be offended because it’s the most genuine laugh he’s ever heard leave the shorter male’s mouth. “This is a university hospital you genius. It’s the hospital attached to the med school I go to. The hospital my family technically owns,” but he mutters the latter sentence under his breath and Arisu misses it entirely. 

“Oh,” the taller male lets out. They stop in front of a set of doors on the first floor that leads out to the sunny green field. Chishiya turns fully to Arisu. “It’s almost cute how oblivious to some things you are,” Chishiya says with a grin before turning and heading out through the glass doors. “Only almost,” Arisu mumbles before following behind the silver-haired male. 

Chapter Text

When Chishiya, Arisu and Kuina are discharged from the hospital they all decide to head to Chishiya’s apartment. The med student was informed earlier in the day that he’d have to return to doing rounds the next day as they were severely understaffed for the number of patients they currently have. Hoping for more time off to figure out how exactly to go about killing Mira, Chishiya was a bit disappointed at that. It’s unfortunate but honestly, he isn’t surprised. If this was the real world, he probably would have had to go back immediately as well. His apartment is rather bland. He never bothered to decorate it all that much. It’s not like he used to be the type of person that would have people over all the time. Arisu and Kuina make themselves comfortable on the couch while Chishiya retreats to his study to get something. “His place is pretty big,” Kuina says, squishing her hands into the couch cushions. Arisu looks around. It’s a two-bedroom apartment with a rather big kitchen and a decent size space for dining and living. He hums. “Are you guys talking behind my back?” Chishiya says as he wheels in a small whiteboard. 

“Maybe,” Kuina says as she sticks out her tongue at the shorter male. He rolls his eyes at her and then goes to open up a dry-erase marker. “Okay,” he begins, drawing all the attention to him. “How do we kill Mira?” Arisu almost laughs, almost. The silence in the room after Chishiya speaks is deafening. Kuina twirls a piece of her hair around a finger as she falls into a deep thought. Arisu just stares blankly at the board hoping that an idea will pop into his head like it always does. “Any takers?” Chishiya asks again, waving around the uncapped dry-erase marker. “If we had any ideas Chishiya, we would tell you,” Kuina says as she rolls her eyes at him. “Could we figure out where she lives and sneak attack her like that?” Arisu poses but the idea is almost immediately shot down by both parties for being too obvious of a plan. “It was just an idea,” Arisu sulks, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Ideas bounce between them for a long while. Nothing good really and it mostly amounts to nothing. Either the idea is too simple, will easily get them in trouble with the law or is straight up just a stupid idea. Then Arisu remembers something. “Wait,” he says, about three hours into their brainstorming session. “During the final game, Mira almost broke me by telling me she’s my psychiatrist. The logo on her uniform in that game was the same logo as the hospital we were admitted to. Maybe that’s how we get her. At the hospital,” the two others nod along. Of all the things said so far, it’s a little outlandish but in the way that it would make sense in the fucked up reality they’re in. “Chishiya, you told me you do your rounds at that hospital last time. That could be our in,” Arisu says with a hopeful look smeared across his face. Kuina nods, following along with his train of thought. The silver-haired male hums. He erases half the contents of the whiteboard only to start writing on it almost immediately afterwards.

Master plan:

• mira works at the hospital 
• i work at the hospital 

It’s then that Arisu bursts out into a fit of laughter.  The shorter male turns around and stares him down with furrowed brows. “What’s so funny?” Chishiya asks. His pure defensiveness which Kuina had never witnessed up to this point in knowing him made her double over laughing as well. The tips of Chishiya’s ears turn pink as the laughing continues. “Quit it will you,” but it comes out more of a whine and less of a hiss than he means it to. “Okay,” Arisu laughs out. “We’ll stop,” he says between quickly aborted laughs. Kuina has to take several deep breaths to calm herself, closing her eyes for a couple of moments. The air feels lighter in the room now. Maybe they just needed a good laugh to get through things. “Okay,” Arisu says after taking a few breaths. “What if we poison her?” Kuina tilts her head. “Mmm,” she hums out. “How would we do that?” She then asks. Chishiya knits his brows together in deep thought. “We could,” Chishiya begins, a beat passes. “Have one of you pretend you’re a nurse and sneak into the break room,” Chishiya shakes his head. “I don’t know. We’ll figure something out at least we have a plan now,”

Arisu finds himself at the hospital again the next day. He and Kuina had gone home a couple of hours after they devised their vague plan. Arisu wanted to do some more brainstorming so Chishiya gave him his spare key so that the next day when Arisu finishes at the hospital, he can let himself into Chishiya’s place. The shorter male would never have done something like that in the past. Being faced with the reality of life and death changes a person. Arisu sighs, turning a corner into the hallway where Usagi’s room is in. When he gets to the threshold of her room, he sees a certain familiar figure standing by the edge of her bed. He tilts his head in slight confusion as he walks up to the bed. Arisu parks himself right beside Chishiya, almost managing to startle the silver-haired male. Almost. “What are you doing here?” Arisu asks, genuine curiosity obvious in his voice. The shorter male scoffs slightly at the question. 

“I work here you genius,” Chishiya says, causing Usagi to laugh a little bit. Arisu rolls his eyes at the shorter male’s reply. “I thought you were paediatric cardiovascular surgery,” Arisu counters, crossing his arms over his chest. And if Usagi finds it odd that Arisu knows such a specific detail about Chishiya’s life, she doesn’t mention it. “We still have so many general patients from the accident that they needed me to do rounds up here,” Arisu nods along to Chishiya’s answer. He seems satisfied with it and for some reason, it makes Chishiya feel better. “Anyway, I was just wrapping up taking her vitals. I have to move on to my next room,” Chishiya explains to Arisu. “Mmm,” he hums. “I’m gonna head to your place after to brainstorm a bit more,” The shorter male nods and then slips away to continue working. There’s a smile on Usagi’s face that Arisu can’t quite place. It makes his stomach swirl in uncomfortable ways but he isn’t sure why.

In Shibuya square, nature has run a course. It’s like the natural timeline of growth and decomposition has tripled in speed. Nothing left but skeletons and grass-covered buildings. Overgrown cars and nearly disappeared crossing signs. “Yo,” Arisu hears from behind. “So you came here too,” it’s a voice he hasn’t heard in a long while. “Chishiya,” he says, a sigh of relief follows.

“There’s two games left. Everyone’s gathering in Shibuya. I figured you’d be one of the survivors,” Arisu’s heart swells a little. A few beats pass, a gentle breeze blows past them. “You know, you’ve changed a lot,” Arisu tells the shorter male. “You think?” Chishiya shrugs, looking away from the taller male. “Yeah,” Arisu says. “You’re mellower now,” 

“Well, I’ve been through a lot,” Chishiya says to him before taking a few steps forward. He pauses his steps for a moment as he speaks again. “Say Arisu,” a few more steps. “Mind if I tell you something about me that I’ve never told anyone before?” 

Arisu nods then. “I–,” a gunshot. A gunshot right to Chishiya’s abdomen. 

Arisu Is breathing heavily as he holds onto the door handle to Chishiya’s apartment. He feels winded. Somehow he had put the idea in his head that now that they knew they were in the game still he wouldn’t get the flashbacks anymore. Stupid idea really, considering the number of flashbacks to his first game of hearts he got in earlier parts of the game. He takes a few deep breaths before turning the handle on the door. When he steps inside, he turns on the lights and takes off his shoes. His mind feels a little cloudy. Why would his mind show him that memory again? It pains him in a very strange way. He remembers the feeling of watching Chishiya get shot so vividly. He can feel his heart in his throat just as he had in the moment. He remembers the feeling of shooting Niragi, only to realise his shot was one beat too late. But Usagi was fine, she had been spared. Spared because Chishiya took the bullet for her, the bullet straight to his chest. He felt sick, he feels sick now just remembering it all. But it’s weird. Arisu thinks it’s weird because it was such a different feeling than when Karube and Chota had died. It felt like he was losing more than a friend in that moment. 

His stomach churns, he needs to sit down. It’s only four in the afternoon but suddenly Arisu feels so tired. This gut-wrenching exhaustion that makes his steps uneasy as he makes his way toward the couch. His vision blurs a little, things shift continually in and out of focus. He only manages to set his notebook down on the coffee table before laying down immediately on the couch. The cushions welcome him with open arms and it doesn’t take long before he knocks out completely. The only sounds left in the apartment are the soft sounds of Arisu’s steady inhales and exhales. 

When Chishiya steps out of the elevator onto his floor, it’s already nearing midnight. Some minuscule part of him wishes they were back in the normal playing card games because then he wouldn’t have to do twelve-hour shifts. He trudges down the hallway to his apartment, fishing his keys out of his pocket. He tilts his head side to side, cracking it after a long day. When he steps inside his apartment, he finds the main lights on and an extra pair of shoes kicked off by the door. “Leave your shoes nicely next time,” Chishiya calls into the apartment. He expects a snarky response of some sort from Arisu but is met with only silence as he steps further into his apartment. It’s then that he clocks the sleeping figure on his couch. The corner of his lip quirks up into a small smile as he stops a few metres away from the couch. He wonders idly how long Arisu has been here and how long he’s been asleep for. Chishiya turns, heading for the small storage closet by the bathroom. 

He fishes out an extra blanket from the top shelf then closes the closet. Soft steps lead him back over to the shelf and before he’s even fully aware of what he’s doing, he gently drapes the blanket over Arisu’s sleeping figure. Chishiya stands there for a moment, a tad bit stunned at what he’s just done. The old Chishiya would never have done something so kind for someone else. The old Chishiya would never have let someone be in his apartment while he wasn’t home. The old Chishiya would never have cared about someone the way he cares for Arisu. Even if the taller male doesn’t know it. Chishiya has become a better person thanks to Arisu. He gained a new perspective on life and the value of life. Arisu has done a lot more for Chishiya than he’ll ever know. He’s made Chishiya feel emotions the silver-haired male didn’t even know he was capable of having before Arisu. The shorter male sighs, turning on his heels and heading for the bathroom. He needs to shower, for many reasons.

He turns the water to hot, knowing his back needs the heat desperately. He slowly strips himself of his clothes, discarding them in a pile by the door. The steam from the shower begins to fill the small room as he steps into the tub and closes the curtain. Chishiya doesn’t understand Arisu. How could he be so quick to forgive Chishiya after what he did to him? If he was Arisu, they would never speak again. What Chishiya did was low, he recognizes that now. It was all for personal gain, and the best part is that it didn’t matter at all. All he had done was hurt Arisu. The water melts away the knots in his shoulders. He feels lighter and yet somehow, his heart feels heavier. Chishiya has never let himself be affected by another person like this before. Not even Kuina. She had carved her way into his heart, resting there like the little sister he never had. He was protective of Kuina for sure, but this heavy feeling, this one is reserved for Arisu. The twisting in his gut, the aching in his heart, it is all for Arisu. 

Chishiya takes his time in the shower. No reason to rush. He twists the tap, letting the last few drops of water hit his scalp. He steps onto his bath mat, grabbing a towel from the cabinet above the sink. Beginning to dry off, he ruffles the towel gently over his hair. He leaves the bathroom with damp hair and a towel around his waist after he finishes drying off. His bedroom is two doors down from the bathroom. A short distance, that is until he finds Arisu rubbing his eyes and pushing himself up into a sitting position on the couch. Chishiya stops just shy of the door to his study. “You’re awake,” he points out rather dumbly. Arisu mumbles something that sounds like a yes before he yawns, covering his mouth. The taller male rubs his eyes again, clearly still tired even after sleeping. “What time is it?” Arisu asks, still not laying eyes on the shorter male. “Uh,” Chishiya looks to the kitchen for the time on the microwave. “Half past twelve,” Arisu’s eyes shoot open, coming face to face with Chishiya. “Holy shit,” except he isn’t sure if the remark is about the fact that he just slept for eight hours or the fact that Chishiya is standing a few metres away from him with nothing but a towel around his waist. 

“When did you fall asleep?” Chishiya asks, completely oblivious to the current thought on Arisu’s mind. The taller male just stares dumbly at him for a moment before shaking his head. “Like four o’clock,” Arisu tells him, but he can’t quite look him in the eyes. “Mmm, I see.” Chishiya slowly nods. “Let me get changed then I’ll come sit on the couch with you and we can get some actual brainstorming done,” but he doesn’t let Arisu get a word in edgewise as he quickly turns and heads into his bedroom. It’s only upon hearing the sound of the door closing that Arisu lets out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. 

Chapter Text

A soft breeze blows past as Arisu and Usagi stand on the balcony where they met for the first time two weeks ago. The air around them is strange, everything is strange. “Are you ready?” Usagi asks with a softness to her voice he hasn’t heard in a while. Arisu turns to her, thinking to himself about the answer. “Do I have much choice?” He decides on. It seems like the most fitting answer given the current state of their lives. His two choices are to take on the final game and kill Mira, or to simply give up. Arisu is in too far to give up now. He can’t give up now. Not after everything that has happened, not after all the people that have died. Not after Karube and Chota died. Arisu can’t give up, and he won’t. 

Usagi hums at his answer. Her discharge date from the hospital is today. That’s why Arisu is here; they’re going to head back to Chishiya’s place together. Kuina said to Arisu the day before that she’d meet them at Chishiya’s apartment with coffee. As of right now, they only have a bare-bones plan as for how they plan on killing Mira. It starts with the hospital, and Chishiya working at the hospital. Though it has been days since they came up with that part of the plan, actually figuring out how to execute it seems to be causing them a fair bit of trouble. Chishiya has been basically non-stop working, between doing rounds and trying to come up with an actually useful plan. A plan that won’t fall apart the moment they try to execute it. They’re all exhausted. “Should we head to Chishiya’s apartment now?” Usagi asks, pushing off of the railing of the balcony. “Probably, since Kuina doesn’t have a key and I do,” Arisu agrees and they both turn to head off of the balcony. 

To their horror, standing behind them for who knows how long, is Mira. Hands poised in front of her stomach as she smiles that unsettling smile she always seems to wear. Arisu’s throat tightened out of fear. How long had she been standing there? Was she listening to everything they said? What does she gain from doing this? He forces himself to swallow down the fear gripping his throat so he can ask her the one question that has been racking his brain since the day she revealed everything to them. “Why aren’t you dead?” He asks, trying to sound as confident in himself as possible. Mira’s eyes soften, but don’t lose the malicious intent behind them. “Silly silly Arisu,” she begins. “I couldn’t possibly show myself at the queen of hearts match if I knew there was still the possibility of the final game now would I?” Arisu is even more confused now than he was before asking the question to Mira. Everything that leaves her mouth is so convoluted and backward that it makes his head hurt. “You know the saying, believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see. I think it’s a very good saying to live by, especially here.” Mira giggles to herself.

“All ways here are my ways, Arisu. You only believed that you saw me die there because that’s what you wanted to happen. This is my world, my rules. But I will say that this is the only fair game. Good luck you two, and remember that your lives are precious,” a pause, a daunting silence. “and expendable,” without another word she turns around and vanishes behind the glass doors into the hospital. Arisu’s head feels heavy. Like his thoughts are weighing his whole body down. His vision blurs. 

A high-rise building, the roof decked out with a beautiful croquet field. A small pavilion for drinking tea at the head of the field as well. A simple game, possibly the easiest so far: just play three rounds without giving up. Arisu doesn’t even have to win. He knows there has to be a catch. 

There must be a catch. 

The first round is too easy. Arisu loses, but it goes by quickly. “If we play all three rounds, we win,” Arisu quietly says to Usagi. “What is she thinking?” And then the second round starts. Long and dragged out. Except this time, Arisu wins. Then comes the catch because there has to be a catch. 

“Let’s have some tea,” Mira says, and it’s not a request. 

When Arisu wakes up again, he’s in a familiar yet unfamiliar room. The decor seems familiar, or the lack thereof. He rubs his eyes before beginning to look around the room. It is then that his gaze falls upon the silver-haired male sitting by the window reading a textbook. “Chishiya,” he calls out quietly, but just loud enough for the other male to hear him. Chishiya looks up from his book momentarily before averting his gaze back down to the page he was reading. “You should really get a handle on those flashbacks of yours,” he says, closing the book. “I can’t always leave the hospital early to take you to my apartment,” Arisu gawks at the sentence just said by Chishiya. “You what?” He shoots up into a sitting position as he fully takes in that he’s in Chishiya’s apartment, in Chishiya’s bed. A wave of dizziness overtakes him as he falls back slightly into the headboard. “I was due for a day off anyway. As a non-fully fledged doctor, there’s only so much time I can actually spend at the hospital in a row,” 

“I feel like you’re still skipping over the part where you left early to take me home after I passed out,” Arisu counters, scratching his head in complete awe at the current situation. “Well,” Chishiya starts but trails off almost immediately. “Well, what?” Arisu asks, prodding at Chishiya more than he would’ve normally. A deep sigh falls from the shorter male’s lips. “When I woke up I told myself I’d live a more useful life now,” Chishiya says in a small voice that Arisu has never heard before. “Even now? Now that you know you’re still stuck in the borderlands?” He asks but Chishiya says nothing in response. The shorter male only looks off out the window wistfully. He finds the way Chishiya is acting strange. However, he would never call him out on that; that seems too out of line to do. Arisu is left with little more time to ponder the thought when Chishiya speaks again, bringing back the sarcastic dry tone he’s become used to. “Usagi and Kuina are here too. In the living room coming up with ideas, I hope. I said I’d stay with you till you woke up. ‘Gives me more time to study since this is the, you know, real world,'' Chishiya casually explains as he stands up from the chair. 

Arisu rubs his eyes a few more times, listening as Chishiya walks in front of the bed and then exits into the main part of the apartment. Chishiya closes the door behind him and Arisu vaguely hears the shorter male say something about Arisu being awake and how he’ll be out in a few minutes. Chishiya is acting strangely, but so is Arisu. He knows that deep down, but admitting that to himself is going to be a challenge in itself. A challenge he’s currently not up for. So he swings his legs over the side of Chishiya’s bed and stands up. Arisu pulls the covers up and straightens out the pillows before he heads out of his room. Treating Chishiya’s bed with more care and attention than he ever gave to his own bed. “Good morning sunshine,” Kuina says with a sly look on her face. Her eyes flicker between Chishiya and Arisu a few times before settling on the taller of the two. 

Sometimes Arisu forgets how much taller he is compared to Chishiya. The shorter male rarely stands right next to him, but now as he stands beside him in his living room with Usagi and Kuina staring at them he’s more aware than ever. He looks down at Chishiya for a moment. He’s only really just ten centimetres taller than him, it’s not that big of a height difference. Then he looks back at Kuina and Usagi, both sitting on the couch with knowing looks on their faces. “Sorry about that,” Arisu awkwardly says as he rubs at the nape of his neck. “Uh huh, just come here and help us you loser,” Kuina says, waving him over. Semi-reluctantly, he goes and sits down between the two women. Chishiya just sighs as he walks over to the whiteboard and grabs a marker. “Shall we?”

Kuina and Usagi finally call it at one in the morning. They decide to head out and get some rest at Kuina’s small apartment since it’s closer than Usagi’s house to Chishiya’s apartment. Arisu and Chishiya are going back and forth on a small detail of the plan when the girls decide to leave and they just barely remember to see them off. Then there were two. Arisu sits back down on the couch, not expecting Chichiya to also sit down on the couch. He isn’t sure entirely why it catches him off guard, but it does. He turns his head to look at the other male only to find Chishiya already looking back at him. “You’re being weird Arisu,” Chishiya points out. The taller male has to fight back a scoff. I’m the one that’s being weird? Arisu thinks to himself while rolling his eyes. “Ever since you woke up earlier,” he adds on to his initial statement. Arisu lets out a breath. He tilts his head, deciding to simply give Chishiya the same energy he’s receiving right now. “And you haven’t?” Arisu counters

A beat passes as Chishiya scans Arisu’s face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Chishiya then replies. He turns away, looking over at the kitchen instead. Arisu actually laughs a little at that. “Fine,” he says. “Let’s just say no one is acting weird and just get back to what we were doing before Kuina and Usagi left, okay?” Arisu pauses here and there, trying to sound as neutral as possible while speaking. Chishiya turns his attention back to Arisu. “Are you staying here tonight?” The silver-haired male asks, tilting his head just so. “Do you want me to walk home at whatever ungodly hour we finally finish?” Arisu asks in return. He snorts, looking away from Arisu momentarily. “If you asked me that two months ago I probably would’ve said yes,” Chishiya says honestly. There’s a lightness to his speech that almost throws Arisu for another loop.

“So you’re saying you’ve changed?” Arisu asks, caution laced in between his words. Chishiya’s lips tug upwards into the smallest hint of a smile. “I mean,” he begins. “You said it yourself didn’t you?” There’s a long drawn-out moment of silence as Arisu desperately tries to remember when he said that to Chishiya. He rubs at his temples, clearly distraught over forgetting his own words. Then it hits him. Right before Niragi shot Chishiya. That’s when he said that. “Oh,” Arisu breathes out. “I did say that,” he looks down at the floor as he speaks. For some reason, even just the thought of looking at Chishiya right now makes him nervous. “You can stay,” Chishiya says. “Because it’s you,” 

Betrayal. The use of another entirely for personal gain. Chishiya saunters into Hatter's old quarters. It’s too easy. The militants are so naive. When Arisu was caught in the act, Aguni kept looking off somewhere else. Far too obvious if you asked Chishiya. 

A painting on the wall. A deer in the snow. A smirk creeps up onto his face as he stops in front of it. He carefully picks it up off of the wall, immediately revealing the safe behind it. His smile grows for a moment as he sets it down on the floor. 

“Found it,” he says into his walkie-talkie. 

“You used him for this?” Kuina’s voice rings through from the other side. A beat passes. He brings the walkie-talkie up to his lips before speaking. “To gain something, you need to lose something. He’s just a sacrifice. Things like this happen all the time, don’t they?” He casually responds. “No, not at all.” Kuina immediately replies. “I really don’t want to be your enemy,” she adds on.

Chishiya smiles. “People tell me that often,” 

Chishiya rubs his head. He just woke up from dozing off on his break. His head hurts. He keeps having that memory play in his mind over and over again. Reminding him of how terrible he was to Arisu. How much Arisu should hate him for everything he’s done? Chishiya was a bad person. He never cared about anyone or gave anyone but Kuina a second thought. Everyone else was just an expendable resource for his gain. Including Arisu. His face falls into his hands. Now is the worst time to be dealing with an existential dread of any kind. He has things to do, and patients to check up on. 

Except now that Arisu has been staying over at his apartment more and spending more time with him overall, Chishiya can’t help but think back to all the times when he was truly a scumbag to Arisu. He doesn’t deserve his kindness. Especially when Chishiya hasn’t even actually apologised to him. He wants to, it just seems so awkward to suddenly apologise and bring up everything from the past. How do you casually say, hey sorry for when I basically stabbed you in the back and ratted you out for doing something I told you to do that resulted in you getting punished and beaten? It’s not the easiest thing to bring up in conversation. Even though most of their conversations while Arisu is over are about killing Mira, sometimes they just talk about whatever. How Chishiya’s day was, what Arisu’s father nagged him about when he went home, or really just anything. Chishiya likes listening to Arisu talk. He can’t just interrupt the flow of their normal conversations just to dampen the mood.

He knows he can’t avoid it forever though.

Later that night, Arisu picks Chishiya up from the hospital. Having spent the whole day with Usagi and Kuina at Kuina’s small place coming up with the finishing touches to the plan, he wants to fill Chishiya in. And if he just wants to see Chishiya as well, then he keeps that thought to himself. “Next week,” Arisu says. They round a street corner onto a more dimly lit road. Chishiya hums. “For the plan I mean,” he explains himself only for Chishiya to just chuckle softly. “I know what you meant,” he tells the taller male. Arisu nods, awkwardly rubbing the nap of his neck. They walk in step with each other. It seems so natural for them. It’s after ten and it’s quiet out. Few people are out this late so it feels like just Chishiya and Arisu against the world. They don’t mind the silence though, it’s like a warm blanket draped overtop of them. 

Then, an idea pops into Chishiya’s mind. He sighs, long and drawn out. “Arisu,” he calls gently. The taller male looks over at him, humming in response. “I’m sorry,” he says, but the weight on his chest remains. Arisu stops walking. In turn, so does Chishiya as he turns back to look at Arisu. “What are you apologising for?” Arisu asks dumbly. The shorter male is stunned at his reply. It’s certainly not the reply he was anticipating receiving. “For you know,” he pauses awkwardly. “Everything I did,” he says, looking down at the ground. Seconds pass that feel like an eternity for Chishiya as he waits for Arisu to say something, anything. “I forgave you a while ago,” Arisu finally says. The shorter male looks up, a hopeful glint in his eyes. “Are you sure?” Because frankly, Chishiya doesn’t really believe him. It’s then that Arisu takes a step closer to Chishiya. “I don’t say things I don’t mean Chishiya,” he says and the shorter male would be lying if he couldn’t hear the sincerity in the way that Arisu speaks. Not just now, but always. 

Arisu is too kind for his own good. 

“Okay,” Chishiya says slowly. The corner of Arisu’s lip quirks up into the faintest smile. “Let’s go home,” Arisu then says. He continues walking, going right past Chishiya who has to shake his head and register his surroundings before quickly catching up to him. It’s not a long walk from where they had stopped to Chihiya’s apartment building. Five minutes at most. It’s silent for the rest of the walk but Chishiya feels a bit better now. A small part of him still fails to believe that even after everything Arisu has forgiven him, but the rest of him humbly accepts it. He’s a better person now. Not by much if you really ask him but he’s better than he was when he arrived in the borderlands. They fall back in step with each other just as Chishiya’s building comes into view. Chishiya feels better about things as they step into his building. Maybe everything will work out. He hopes it will.

Chapter Text

It’s time, sort of. Three days. They have three days to get their shit together before they attempt a stab at Mira’s life. The most daunting part is knowing that if they fail this time, they may end up in this loop of failing to kill her. Somehow to Arisu, that is ten times scarier than dying at the end of the game. A groundhog day simulation except they know that they are losing. Arisu fears that more than anything right now. “Hey,” Usagi says, placing her hand on his knee. Arisu turns to her, and the sounds of the world return to his ears. The buzz of voices inside the coffee shop, the clinks and clanks of baristas making drinks, the sound of people typing on their laptops and pencils rubbing across paper. “Sorry,” he mumbles, just loud enough for her to hear. “It’s okay,” she gently reassures him. Usagi pulls her hand away, looking across the table at Kuina. “Penny for your thoughts, pretty boy?” Kuina muses as she rests her chin in the palm of her hand. “It’s nothing,” he sighs. “I was just overthinking everything,” 

“Your mind is your own worst enemy,” Kuina tells him. She lets a sigh fall from her lips. “When I first started transitioning, I thought there was something wrong with me. I knew deep down that I was always meant to be the person I am but that little voice in the back of my head seemed louder than usual. I think if I didn’t have the support of my mom then and now, I wouldn’t be here today at all. The roundabout point I’m trying to make here is that you shouldn’t give in to those voices in the back of your head. That’s exactly what Mira wants to happen. That’s why she did what she did to you during the Queen of Hearts game. She was using your mind against you. You made it out because you had Usagi to ground you and support you. Because your will to live was stronger than the voices in your head. You aren’t alone in this battle, not against your mind and certainly not against Mira. You have me and you have Usagi and you also have Chishiya. You aren’t alone Arisu. We’re going to get through this,” 

A long silence follows Kuina’s words as Arisu takes them in. Has she always been so philosophic? He wonders idly to himself. She’s right though. Arisu isn’t alone, none of them are alone. They have each other and together they will get through this. They fall into comfortable conversation, bringing some semblance of lightheartedness to their current situation. Objectively speaking, they’re in a terrible place right now. Arisu would not wish what he has gone through in the last couple of months on anyone. However, he cannot deny the fact that a few good things have come of it. Detachedly, he thinks he’s grown as a person. Arisu has also gained friendships he otherwise never would have had, like Usagi and Kuina. He also got to meet Chishiya. 

Arisu doesn’t understand why the shorter male makes his insides flip the way they do. All biases withheld, Chishiya is a considerably attractive man. Arisu understands that but what he doesn’t understand is why that makes him feel things he’s never really felt before. Sure, Arisu has had crushes on girls before. They’ve never amounted to much though, either disappearing after a short while or striking out and giving up. In all twenty-four years of his life, he has never had a girlfriend, let alone had sex. He and Karube would always jeer Chota for being a virgin but he was the same. He can’t seem to wrap his head around why he is simply unable to get Chishiya out of his head. He’s never seen guys like this before, it doesn’t make any sense to him. Maybe a small part of him understands, it’s just water he doesn’t want to tread right now. 

Two days. There are two days until they have decided to enact their plan against Mira. Arisu wakes up on Chishiya’s couch, slightly confused as to how he got there. Flashes of drinking with Kuina appear before his eyes. Nightlights and crowded streets. He struggles to remember anything else though. To say that concerns him would be a slight understatement. Why the hell did he and Kuina even decide to go out drinking in the first place? With their current situation? That seems like one of their dumbest ideas yet. Arisu rubs his eyes, a yawn stretches over his face and catches the attention of Chishiya as he steps out of the bathroom. He’s dressed up nicely in slacks and a button-down but he’s still drying off his hair as he exits the bathroom. “Oh,” Chishiya says. “Good morning,” he walks over to his bedroom, disappearing inside for a moment.

Arisu just sits up on the couch awkwardly. He rests his hands on the cushions of the couch, framing his legs with his arms. It’s quiet in the shorter male’s apartment. It usually is, unless Kuina is over. He still wonders how he ended up here. Asleep on Chishiya’s couch. Of course of all people it had to be Chishiya’s couch, didn’t it? Not Usagi's couch and definitely not Kuina’s couch. It’s Chishiya’s couch he woke up on mere minutes ago. When Chishiya retreats from his room moments later there is a tie haphazardly strewn around his neck. “Your tie is a mess,” Arisu says out of reflex. Chishiya closes the door to his bedroom and turns to divide his attention solely on Arisu. He stands up off of the couch without much thought at all. Slow strides across the cold wooden panels of Chishiya’s floor. All the while the shorter male just stands by his bedroom door and watches as Arisu approaches. 

He stops, much closer than Chishiya expects him to. It catches him off guard and the faintest pink of embarrassment dusts over his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Arisu reaches up, fixing the collar of his shirt before untying Chishiya’s tie. He does it so naturally that his eyes stay focused on Chishiya the whole time. Neither one of them looks away, not daring to break the steady eye contact. Something about Arisu fixing Chishiya’s tie feels so normal, so real. Chishiya feels so real to him. When Arisu slides the knot of the tie up he takes half a step back. Arisu admires his work for a moment before flicking his gaze back up to Chishiya’s eyes. 

“T-thanks,” Chishiya sputters out, looking away from Arisu. He feels so weird right now. To be this affected by Arisu just looking at him? He has to be losing his mind. “It’s nothing,” Arisu replies, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward standing in front of Chishiya. “My dad always made me and my younger brother tie our ties when you were little for events. He only ever taught us once and we just had to try,” he rambles on, looking down at the floorboards. The blond male hums. “Oh yeah,” Arisu looks back up at Chishiya, grabbing his attention again. “How did I get here last night?” Chishiya snorts, laughing genuinely. “Do you really want to know?” He asks the taller male. “I wouldn’t have asked otherwise, Chishiya,”  the taller male rolls his eyes. He misses the brief smile that washes over Chishiya’s face that leaves in the blink of an eye. “You let yourself into my apartment at one in the morning while I was watching the news on the couch. You were obviously drunk so I asked you if you were and…” 

Arisu’s face is as pale as a ghost. “And..?” He croaks out cautiously. “You said you missed me,”

One day. There is one day until they enact their plan against Mira’s life. A swirling sea of doubt has washed over Arisu. One bigger than that of a couple of days ago. This one feels real, a certain dauntingness that did not exist before. He’s begun overthinking the plan, wondering if it is good enough or not. Worries plague his every waking moment as he hopes that Mira hasn’t somehow caught wind of their idea. Then comes a loud knocking at Arisu’s bedroom door. “Ryouhei,” his father calls sternly from the other side. Arisu

 closes his eyes for a moment, his mouth flatlining. He takes in a deep breath before he finally replies. “Yes, father?” Taking Arisu’s answer as an invitation to open the door, his father opens the door. He steps inside and leaves the door wide open. “When are you going to stop moping around in your room and do something with your life?” His words are harsh, they’ve always been harsh though. Ever since his mom died. Usually, he just takes it. Usually. “I ALMOST DIED! AND YOU’RE ASKING ME TO STOP MOPING AROUND?” He snaps. “Watch your tone with me young man!” His father raises his voice. “You want me to watch my tone? My tone? No, I think I won’t do that. Get out of my room.” Arisu stands up off of his desk chair. His gaze rests sharply on his father. It carries more emotions than any words he could possibly say. “I said get out .” 

Arisu turns around and grabs a duffle bag from beside his bed and begins shoving clothes in it. His father doesn’t leave his room. Standing in shock by the door. He zips up the bag harshly and grabs his phone from off of his desk. Arisu faces his father again. “If you won’t get out then I will,” then he pushes past him at the threshold of his room. Arisu ignores his father’s yells as he pads down the stairs. He ignores his brother’s insincere words as he heads for the door. He slips on a pair of shoes and slams the door behind him. When he walks what he deems to be far enough away, he stops at some empty street corner and pulls out his phone from the pocket of his shorts. It seems natural that he instinctively pulls up Chishiya’s contact and calls him. It rings four times before the silver-haired male picks up the phone. “Moshi moshi?” Chishiya sounds confused on the other end of the call. 

“Sorry,” Arisu apologises. “I don’t know why I called you,” he admits softly. He hears Chishiya let a quiet sigh fall from his lips. “It’s okay,” he reassures Arisu. “I’m done at three if you want to meet me at the hospital?” Somehow the suggestion lifts some of the weight off of Arisu’s shoulders. It’s almost as if that is exactly what he wanted Chishiya to say to him. Maybe that’s why he called Chishiya and not one of the girls. “Okay,” Arisu says eventually. “You don’t have to tell me now, but when you’re ready I’ll listen,” Chishiya explains to him over the phone with so much genuine sincerity. He thinks the shorter male really has grown as a person. The Chishiya he met at the game of tag months ago wouldn’t be as kind as the Chishiya on the phone with him now. “I have to go, I’ll see you when I get off?” 

“Yeah,” 

Today. Today is the day. Today is the day they do it. Everyone arrived early at Chishiya’s apartment, save for Arisu who was already there to begin with. It’s eerily quiet in his apartment. Though four souls currently occupy it, not a single one dares to utter a word. Too much is at stake right now. Only a couple shared nods signal their collective agreement to leave the apartment and head to the hospital. They scatter, not wanting anyone to catch onto their plan. Kuina and Usagi are going undercover as nurses, while Arisu is going as a janitor. The plan is to catch Mira off guard while she’s taking her break. Chishiya will text them when he sees her heading their way and Usagi will be outside of the break room once Mira is inside. Arisu will be the one to poison her tea. It just feels right for it to be Arisu. That’s not to say no one else could do it, he just seems like the best fit. 

Chishiya arrives first, heading inside and up to the cardiology wing. Usagi and Kuina arrive next, carefully slipping into the nurses' room unnoticed. Arisu arrives last, already dressed in the janitorial outfit. The next couple of hours are nerve-wracking. Everything is calculated down to the T. Still, anxiety plagues the four young adults as they try to normally go about their day as if they aren’t about to try and kill someone. Time seems to be ticking by slower than normal, though they know that’s not possible. For all the games they’ve played, somehow this one feels crueller than the others. Maybe it’s the knowledge that if they don’t kill her this time, they’ll get stuck in a loop. Not knowing whether or not they’ll ever be able to kill her. They’ve been given hope, and hope is a dangerous thing. 

Hope can destroy you. 

His phone buzzes and Arisu reads over the text quickly. ‘Chishiya: she’s on her way now.’  It reads. Arisu takes a deep breath. It’s time. It’s finally time. Now or never, he thinks to himself as he approaches the room. He feels his pocket for the small vile. He is reassured when he gently grasps the glass of the vile. He looks up and sees the back half of Mira as she walks into the breakroom. “Shit,” he mumbles. She’s faster today than what they had times before. It’s fine, everything will be fine. Or at least he hopes. Arisu stops in front of the breakroom, picking up the mop and bucket from the bottom of the cart before entering the medium-sized room. The walls were a pale blue. Different from the other light colours around the hospital. Mostly greys and tans. Mira is pouring herself some hot water when he walks in. She doesn’t spare him a glance, and for that he’s thankful. 

He begins mopping the floor slowly, trying to keep her attention off of him. He watches out of the corner of his eye as she places a tea bag in her mug and brings it over to a table. Mira sets it down on the table and then walks over to the staff bathroom inside the break room. Just according to plan. Any second now Kuina will come in for backup, just in case anything happens. The door to the bathroom clicks closed just as the main door opens and Kuina walks in. She makes eye contact with her and then motions to the unattended tea on the table. He nods furiously before handing her the mop and quickly pulling the vile out of his pocket. He gently opens it and empties the contents of the small vile into the cup. Just then, the door to the bathroom opens and Arisu scrambles away from the table and takes the mop back from Kuina who is quick to move to the drink station and acts like nothing just happened. 

Mira walks back to her table and sits down. She picks up the mug and brings it up to her face, inhaling the soft smell of chamomile and ginseng. Arisu catches the smirk that grows slowly on her face. She sets the cup back down without taking a sip and alarm bells start ringing in Arisu and Kuina’s minds. She turns to look at the man posing as a janitor. “I know what you did Arisu,” and she says it with a smile on her lips.

Chapter Text

Horror washes over Arisu in a freezing cold rush through his veins. This is it. This is exactly what he had hoped would not happen, and here he is standing dumbfounded. “You’re so cute Arisu, did you know that?” Mira asks, not even sparing the man a glance. Deep down, part of Arisu knew that this would happen. A premonition in the back of his mind, sitting unattended to like a bot of water on the back burner of the stove. He’s panicking, his palms begin to sweat and he can almost feel the air around him get heavier. “I think this was definitely a valiant effort though. I must commend you all for your creativity. Maybe a little more time management next time though. I saw you move away from the table as I opened the door of the bathroom,” and she smiles then. She’s like a teacher giving critical feedback to a student after a presentation that was so incredibly close to being good. Just trembling on the edge. 

He can not think straight. Thoughts forming in anything but a consecutive order that would give him some sort of plan of action. They can’t lose now, they can’t. They have all come too far to stop now. Stopping now would be such an insult to everyone that they’ve already lost. It would be an insult to Karube and Chota. An insult to Tatta, poor sweet Tatta who sacrificed himself so that the rest of them could continue. They’ve gone too far to turn back now. He has to do something. 

Arisu isn’t fast enough though, he never is. He wonders how Mira didn’t anticipate this sequence of events. Even Arisu could have seen this coming. He supposes sometimes even the smartest people are blind to the most obvious things. Like Kuina spinning around and lunging at Mira’s neck wielding a small pocket knife. He watches as the girl embeds the knife in the side of Mira’s neck. It penetrates her interior jugular vein and slices her windpipe as it exits. Mira’s eyes widen and in the blink of an eye she’s coughing up blood and her wound begins to spew blood. There’s a faint smile on Kuina’s face as she stabs the knife in the dip between Mira’s neck and shoulder before pulling it out just as fast. “Arisu run! I’ll take care of it!” Kuina raises her voice. It snaps him out of his trance of watching Mira bleed out as she sits there stunned, coughing. 

He is swift to turn on his feet and haul ass out of the staff room quickly. Smart enough to place a sign on the door saying the room is temporarily out of service for maintenance. “Arisu what the hell?” Usagi whisper yells at him. “Can’t explain, let's go,” he says calmly, choosing a direction to walk in as he hopes the woman is following behind. He whips his phone out of his pocket and calls Chishiya. The phone barely rings once before he picks up. “Arisu,” he sounds worried. Chishiya never sounds worried. “I messed up,” is all he says. He hears Chishiya let out a breath on the other side of the line before speaking. “Meet at the emergency wing janitor closet,” then the line drops and Arisu looks to Usagi. “Text Kuina and tell her to meet us in emerg when she’s done,” 

Worry flashes over Usagi’s eyes for a brief second as she follows behind Arisu and texts Kuina. A minute later they are just outside of the emergency wing standing with Chishiya. “The plan failed. She saw me mess with her tea. But,” he pauses, voice dropping even quieter. “Kuina is finishing the job,” Usagi hates how vague he is being. “What the hell do you mean by that Arisu?” She fights back the urge to grab his collar and shake the answer out of him. “Kuina went for her major veins,” the woman’s eyes widened. “And you just left her there?” She seethes. Chishiya feigns worry as he remembers how well Kuina is able to handle herself. Still, it sits on his shoulder. “She told me to leave. You don’t just not listen when she tells you to do something. She can handle herself. Mira already had two fatal stab wounds when I left.” Arisu places a hand gently on the woman’s shoulder. “She’ll be okay,” 

Slowly, Usagi nods. “What the hell are we supposed to do now?” Chishiya asks. “I’m still on the clock you know?” Arisu laughs, immediately stifling it considering their location. “Wow, I honestly didn’t realise you still cared about your job,” Arisu then says and it gets Usagi to smile a little. She too finds it slightly odd that Chishiya of all people cares about his job right now. “Well if things fai–,” the sound of all three of their phones buzzing aborts his words. ‘ Kuina: She’s dead. For real this time. Headed your way unless we make it back to the real world before then.’  And her words feel unreal to them. The three adults stand in shock as everything seemingly stops around them. It does stop. Everything around them comes to a complete halt. There are no more distant cries or the insistent buzzing of the hospital air condition. Arisu turns his head, just to make sure he isn’t frozen either. They can all move. Arisu can hear the sound of the fabric of his uniform rubbing against itself as he moves. He hears footsteps, running down the hall getting closer with every second. 

Kuina comes into view then and he lets a sigh of relief fall from his lips. Usagi is quick to turn on her feet and run towards the other woman. She embraces her tightly despite the blood covering the front of her uniform. “I saw a light outside of the hospital on my way here,” Kuina says, slowly pulling herself away from Usagi’s grasp. Silence falls over the group then. Glances are shared back and forth before unanimously deciding to investigate the lights. Carefully, they begin to make their way closer to the main entrance of the hospital. The light becomes brighter with every step. It seems nearly blinding when they turn the corner to face the exit. A bright screen stands just outside of the hospital doors. It reads in the same font as every other message board within this hellish realm ‘Game over, congratulations on your completion.’ They falter, stopping a mere metre away from the door. “Do you think it’s a trap?” Usagi asks. “We have nothing to lose anymore,” Chishiya says without missing a beat. 

But there’s a lump in his throat. A scared feeling in his chest that when he goes through that door he’ll forget everything, he’ll forget Arisu. It scares him. The thought of losing Arisu scares him more than he cares to admit. But he admits at least, to himself, that he feels something deeper for Arisu. He looks over to the aforementioned male, letting his eyes linger for a moment longer before looking back at the door. “Chishiya’s right,” Arisu softly says, eyes fixated on the shorter male. Chishiya is startled at Arisu’s quick agreement. He turns to look at him, finding Arisu’s eyes already fixed on him. Kuina rolls her eyes, clearing her throat. “If you two are done lovingly staring into each other’s eyes, I think we should go through the door now.” Playful annoyance plagues her tone. Usagi only smiles at the woman’s words. Blush rushes over the faces of both males as they quickly avert their gazes. 

Chishiya thinks to himself that if he does remember everything when they get back, he’ll get Kuina back for that one. “Come on,” Usagi says, her voice as gentle as ever. She links her arm with Kuina’s and they pair steps towards the door. Kuina pauses for a moment as her hand grasps the metal push bar of the door. She takes a deep breath and then pushes it open. Chishiya and Arisu as the women disappear before their eyes. Without another thought, Chishiya grabs hold of Arisu’s hand. He prays that when they return he’ll remember everything. He’ll remember Arisu. Then they cross the threshold and everything goes black. Arisu worries that maybe they were tricked. He begins to panic and then suddenly, he’s awake. It’s an all too familiar scene. The panic does not subside. If anything, it worsens. Filling the depths of Arisu’s mind with doubts and it feels like his mind is falling apart. 

“Aniki,” it’s his brother again. No, no, no, no this can't be happening. “I’m glad you made it,” he says, just as softly as he had said it the first time. Somehow it hurts more this time. “Wh-what happened?” He asks shakily because god knows that if he gets the same answer he might just lose his mind. “There was an explosion,” his brother begins slowly. “They’re reporting that it was a suicide bomber and they haven’t figured out a motive or who’s behind it yet,” so they changed the story this time. Arisu thinks absent-mindedly. “Aniki,” his brother calls again. He turns his attention slowly back to his younger brother. “Mm?” He hums. There’s a grimness on his brother’s face and he knows what he’s about to hear. “Chota-san and Karube-san,” he pauses as if trying to figure out how to best break the news to Arisu. “They didn’t make it.”

But Arisu just feels numb. They’ve died three times now. He doesn’t even know what’s real anymore, but how could he? “Aniki?” Hajime calls, genuinely sounding distraught. “I just want to be alone,” Arisu decides on. There’s no emotion in his voice, he feels void of emotion anyway. His brother only nods before grabbing his bag and making his way over to the door. It’s only after his brother is out of the room that he realises the television is on. It has been set to a news channel, one reporting on the tragedy. He wants to turn it off but something holds him back. He watches intently, reading the names flashing across the bottom of the screen paying tribute to those who have died. He sees Karube and Chota’s names and he winces. Then he sees Tatta’s name. And then Kyuma’s. Then Takeru’s. Then Saori’s. And then, then a name flashes across the bottom of the screen and Arisu’s breath catches in his throat. He rewinds a couple of seconds just so he can watch it again, much to the dismay of the older woman laying in the bed next to his. 

Kano Mira. 

His heart stops. If she’s dead, then this must be the real world. This must really be it. That means Chota and Karube are really dead. The realisation hits him harder than he thought it would. Tears begin to cloud his vision and his chest tightens. His world falls apart again then for a third time.

He spends three days in bed recovering, not speaking to anyone except very light small talk with the old lady next to him because she has no family and he’s not completely heartless. He’s come to an oddly crushing realisation. If he remembers everything that happened, the other three should remember too, right? He would go out and try to find them if it were easier to walk with the cast on his leg. He wants to know that they made it alright. He wants to know that Chishiya made it alright. 

It always comes back to Chishiya, doesn’t it? 

He lets a frustrated groan fall from his lips as he lays his head back onto the pillow. He knows why it always goes back to Chishiya, but that certainly doesn’t make it any easier to accept. He lays there silently for a couple of minutes before he decides that he needs something to drink. Begrudgingly, he gets out of bed and grabs his crutches. He doesn’t make any effort to try and get this done quickly, no point in overworking himself at this point. Slow and steady is Arisu as he makes his way to the vending machines by the elevator. When he arrives, he sees the back of a familiar person standing in front of a vending machine. He feels his heart leap to his throat almost instantly. “Usagi?” He croaks out, genuinely surprised that the words even leave his mouth at all. There is a brief moment of silence where Arisu worries he’s mistaken and it isn’t Usagi standing in front of him. 

Then she turns around and all Arisu wants to do is run up to her and pull her into a tight embrace. But he’s frozen in place as he comes to the full realisation that it is in fact Usagi standing there. He watches as relief floods across the woman’s face. He’s positive that if the woman didn’t have a crutch of her own she would’ve run right into his arms. “You’re alive,” and she says it almost like she can barely believe it. “You remember me,” Arisu finds himself saying in lieu of an actual reply. Usagi scoffs, rolling her eyes and suddenly Arisu feels so comfortable. This feels right. “How could I forget your dumbass?” And they both laugh at that. 

Chishiya and Kuina are okay. Apparently, Usagi had bumped into the both of them in the days before bumping into Arisu. She even tells Arisu what room Chishiya is in, idly mentioning that ironically he shares it with Niragi. It’s been a few days and for some reason, he just can’t seem to bring himself to go see him. He’s using the excuse of it being too hard to walk with crutches but his doctor is actively encouraging him to go out and move a little. The lady he was sharing the room with gets moved to a different ward. Something about bed freeing up but he didn’t really listen. Arisu isn’t going to complain about having the whole room to himself when he’s going to be spending at least another week in here according to his doctor. Arisu is not courageous. He never has been and honestly speaking he wonders how he even survived that hell at all. Arisu is a coward. He isn’t honest with his feelings and he often gives up before he even starts. 

Arisu is a coward, because if he wasn’t a coward he would’ve found Chishiya’s room and dragged him out of the room to talk things out. Arisu will be damned if he doesn’t realise that whatever he’s feeling is at least somehow reciprocated on Chishiya’s end. Then, with almost perfect comedic timing, there's a knock on Arisu’s door frame. He knows too, somehow, who it is before he even looks up. “Chishiya,” he softly calls. “I missed you,”