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An article by Vicky Vale.
For years, Bruce Wayne shunned social interaction like the plague, becoming a local cryptic on the level of the alligator in the sewers or the free healthcare system.
When he broke out of his seclusion three years ago, Gotham's elite broke into raptures for their favorite son.
Everyone has wanted a piece of Wayne ever since. In more ways than one.
But beware, ladies and gentlemen, it's not easy to get him for a pleasant tête-à-tête.
Why? Because Bruce Wayne is a single parent, and his children don't like anyone who gets too close to their father
The oldest, Richard John Grayson, is twelve years old, has a jaunty smile, and is considered adorable by almost everyone.
A former acrobat, a life in the spotlight has accustomed him to always being the center of attention, and he, unlike his father, thrives around people.
Forget this pleasantness if you try any approach to Bruce Wayne: if Grayson has seen you, your evening is over.
What projects have you completed? Poof, vanish.
With an amiable smile and the voice of an angel, Grayson will remind you that it's not polite to touch someone without their consent. He will also remind you that it's not polite to make people feel uncomfortable.
You might try to laugh and say that this is what adults do to socialize.
Huge mistake. You have fallen into Grayson's trap.
A simple question from him will make you want to bury yourself or hope that there will be a mass escape from Arkham that same evening.
How do adults make the evening more interesting?
He probably already knows. But you can't be sure. The safest solution? A strategic retreat.
There will be another time. You should try to think about it.
Sure, you could wait until Grayson isn't at the gala, and make your move. Maybe offering a drink, flirting a bit…
All is well, except for one detail: Richard John Grayson isn't the only child adopted by Bruce Wayne.
If he isn't there, one of the others must be.
If you see Jason Peter Wayne, nine years old, a former car wheel thief, run as soon as you see a small child near him.
He's not an angel, but your deepest nightmare incarnate. A life spent on the streets has made him tough, and without patience for the antics of others.
Jason Peter Wayne will leave you with bruises or teeth marks that will go away after weeks.
I'm not kidding, I've seen it happen.
In young Wayne's defense, the victim in question had placed a hand on Mr. Wayne's backside, keeping it there even when told it wasn't appropriate.
Kind to the ladies (although he will make scathing comments about their age), he won't hold back with men, even those who may or may not be mob bosses.
And the aforementioned alleged bosses – such as Sionis, who recently made headlines for an altercation with Batman – are terrified of him.
Yes, by a nine-year-old.
The terror increases when he acts not alone, but with his younger brother, Timothy Jackson Drake Wayne. This is the former heir to Drake Industries adopted by Wayne after the tragic death of the Drakes and the embezzlement of their company by Lex Luthor.
Small and cute, he doesn't punch or bite. He humiliates you.
He tricks you into conversations, where he gets you confused, making you say the wrong thing and making you the laughing stock of the party.
You can't even prove that he does it on purpose. Who would admit to being duped by a four-year-old?
His brother lends him a hand, and the two together are a force to be reckoned with.
If you still don't want to give up, you will think about trying when it looks like Wayne is alone.
Don't do it. It's a trap.
When he seems alone it is because his daughter is with him: Cassandra Wayne, ten years old, silent and small, easily passes unnoticed.
Almost nothing is known about her, and Mr. Wayne will not say anything either.
His declaration when he adopted her was She is Cassandra, and she is mine. She doesn't like being photographed.
She seems harmless, calmer than her brothers. It's only appearance.
She looks at you with black eyes as deep as wells, which seem to see deep into your soul, and they judge you.
She does nothing, and it's a disaster. Waiting for something, something terrible, because she's like her brothers, maybe even more so.
You'll be leaving before you've even said what a lovely evening it is, isn't it, Mr. Wayne?
Bruce Wayne is back, it's true, but he's more protected now than when he lived in his dismal tower.
If you want a taste of the prince of Gotham, you'll have to meet his children.
Good luck.