Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

So here’s the thing. 

James knew exactly how this was going to go.

He knew exactly how this was going to go, and that’s exactly why he was avoiding it, because there wasn’t a goddamn universe in which Sirius Orion Black would let James Fleamont Potter get away with snogging his little brother completely unscathed. 

And oh, you could bet James wouldn’t come out of this unscathed. He’d be completely scathed. The most scathed. Exceptionally scathed.

There was no better hangover cure than pure unadulterated fear. 

James felt very awake and very aware and very much like he wanted nothing more than to avoid Sirius for as long as it would take for his inevitable meltdown to pass. Though to be fair, James was pretty sure it wouldn’t pass until Sirius had the opportunity to throttle him a bit. Christ.  

He had slipped out of the room that morning undetected. He felt a little guilty knowing that Remus would likely be the one with Sirius when the rumor eventually found its way to him, and he felt even more guilty knowing that Sirius would hear this down the grapevine… Before the kiss had turned into something real, James had planned to tell Sirius first, before anyone else got to him, to dispel any concern that James was actually accosting his little brother. Even then, he was certain he’d face some consequences for even entertaining the idea, nonetheless accepting Regulus’ terms. 

Now, though? Now he wanted to put as much distance as possible between them, because the night before, he hadn’t really had the wherewithal to come up with a reasonable explanation aside from the rather sappy confession that James had been crushing on Regulus for years now, because that would only piss Sirius off more. So it was down to several options: tell him the truth that he’d fallen for his little brother years ago and admit the guilt of never having told Sirius after all this time; tell him the half truth that it was a sudden sort of unplanned thing, followed by the blatant lie that James had never thought of his brother like that before; or tell the complete lie that it was nothing at all whatsoever and then explain to Regulus that they had to keep this entirely a secret or perhaps run away together.

The last one was out– primarily because James was really rubbish at hiding when he was happy about something– which left either of the first equally terrible paths. 

So, James thought, you really couldn’t blame him for hiding like a kid who didn’t want to get caught stealing candy. 

And evidently, Regulus was also hiding, because they ran into each other in the far back corner of the library that morning (or rather, James ran into Regulus), where the younger of the Blacks was already crouched with his head ducked and a book in his lap. James rounded the corner and nearly tripped over him, and he stared down at Regulus, who raised his gaze slowly from his book and scowled at James. (And as usual, because he was James, and because he was immensely predictable, his stupid little heart did a stupid little flutter at the lovely sharpness in Regulus’ eyes.)

James set his hands expectantly on his hips and raised his eyebrows.

“Why are you hiding?”

“What the fuck do you mean, why am I hiding? Why do you think I’m hiding?” Regulus snapped, his voice harsh even in a whisper.

“You look awfully stressed,” James noted, which made Regulus scowl harder. “Not having regrets, are you?” James asked– a genuine question, really. 

They hadn’t spoken yet since the night before, when they’d unfortunately had to pry themselves apart and venture back to their own dorms. James was pretty sure Sirius would actually kill him if there was not only a rumor that he’d kissed his little brother, but also that he’d woken up in his bed. And he thought it might actually kill Sirius on the spot if he woke up in the morning and saw Regulus in James’ bed, so that was out as well. Alas. 

“No,” Regulus muttered a little shyly. James felt his heart surge, and he wondered if the swell of joy was showing on his face. The blush probably was. “Quit looking so bloody pleased with yourself.” Well that answered that.

“I am pleased with myself,” James smiled wider. He noticed, then, the trail of bruises on Regulus’ throat, starting just below his ear and traveling down his neck and under the collar of his shirt like a dare–  come look for more. Come make more. “Awful lot to be pleased about. Very pleasing events and all, quite lovely, really,” James said, letting his eyes linger on those marks a little while longer. Regulus rolled his eyes heavily. “But I have much more reason to be hiding, don’t you think?” 

James sighed, looking over his shoulder nervously before plopping down on the ground next to Regulus. James was rather used to Regulus moving away from him in disgust whenever he got too close (which had apparently been very much for show), so it was a neat little surprise that Regulus remained in place, and even more of a neat little surprise that Regulus leaned his knee against James’ just slightly. 

“Christ, and now we’re hiding together,” James added.

“Together? I was here first. You’re hiding with me, at best.”

“Well, that’s much more suspicious, isn’t it?” James lamented. 

“Oh, what, more suspicious than snogging me at a party?”

“You asked me to snog you!” James hissed, waving his hands anxiously. “And what about when you snogged me after that?” 

“Before or after you snogged me in the stairwell?” 

“Both! Either! Equally! It’s all very equally suspicious!” James countered. Regulus shushed him, elbowing him in the side.

“Let’s just agree there’s been an awful lot of snogging and then stop saying the word,” he muttered. “Go somewhere else.” 

“Wh–  me?” James let his mouth hang open for a moment. “Sirius isn’t gonna kick your teeth out the second he sees you. ”

“Remember the part where I said you were the sacrifice?” Regulus asked. “This is that part. Go be a sacrifice.” 

“Well, I was drunk then! I don’t want to be punched now,” James whined.

“Not worth it, then?” Regulus challenged, and James opened his mouth, closed it, and then furrowed his brow. 

“I didn’t say that,” he mumbled, picking at his fingernails. “Not really much that could make me regret it, honestly. Except maybe if you regretted it. You really don’t, right?” James asked, not really caring that he sounded awfully desperate.

“James,” Regulus said simply. Apparently that was supposed to serve as an answer. 

To be fair, James supposed, Regulus would have no issue telling him to piss off just like normal if he intended things to go back to just like normal. This still felt like a bit of a dream, though. James had thought that maybe it had been a dream, right up until the crushing realization crashed over him that sometime today, arguably sooner rather than later, Sirius would catch wind of this. The fear had a function then, at the very least, because it meant it had been real. Oh, it had been real.

It was real. Lovely, James thought dreamily.

“Lovely,” James said dreamily. He let his leg lean further against Regulus’ and tipped his head back against the bookshelves behind them. “Me neither, by the way.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Regulus groaned. “You look like you’re on drugs.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re all loopy and happy and shit,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “Stop making that face.” James barked a laugh and then clapped his hand over his mouth. “Subtle.” 

“Shush,” James mumbled. “Can you blame me? I’m in love.”

“That’s very dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Oh, I do think.”

“You do? Maybe you ought to do more of that from time to time.” 

“Ugh,” James gasped, grinning and tipping his head to the side onto Regulus’ shoulder and placing a hand over his heart. “I’m swooning.”

“Piss off,” Regulus muttered, his cheeks going red. “Are you gonna kiss me or are you gonna find a new spot?” he asked boldly, crossing his arms and cocking his head and James felt his heart sort of give out right on the spot, and if he thought Regulus’ cheeks were red, then his own must have been practically scorching. That’s not fair, he thought.

“If I kiss you, can I stay here?” he proposed. Regulus stared at him blankly for a very long moment. 

“No,” he said finally. 

“Ugh,” James groaned again. Regulus began to stand. “Oh, no, come on–”

“Should have taken the opportunity–”

“I’ll take it now!” 

“Too slow,” Regulus shrugged. 

“I’ll be quick!” 

“Very romantic,” Regulus scoffed. “Quick at what, making a fool of yourself?” 

“Oh, I’m always quick at that,” James said, latching onto Regulus’ arm to hold him where he was, halfway kneeling and halfway standing so he was sort of looming over James. “Honestly, I think I’m exhibiting an admirable amount of restraint right now, don’t you think? I’d rather keep you here all day, really, wouldn’t that be more fun?”

“More fun than getting your teeth knocked out, probably,” Regulus shrugged, and he leaned forward a little, putting their faces very close together. 

“Probably,” James breathed, staring into his eyes with great dedication and pressing his shoulders back further against the bookshelf. “I’d let you knock my teeth out, though. That’d be fun.”

“You’ve really got a screw loose somewhere in there,” Regulus muttered. “One too many bludgers to the head.”

“Your fault,” James mumbled. “Pretty accurate, actually. Remember the quidditch game in fourth year where one of your mates hit me with one?” 

“I do recall,” Regulus mused with a smile like it was a fond memory. 

“I woke up on the grass and you were standing over me like a guardian angel,” James sighed.

“I was trying to see if you were dead. Your pupils were all messed up.” 

“Oh, I felt very alive,” James murmured, leaning forward more so he was just centimeters from Regulus’ face. “Very messed up, and very alive.”

“You’re still messed up,” Regulus said. He planted one knee next to James’ thigh, placed his opposite hand on the shelf to the left of James’ head, and then James got exactly what he wanted, just like always. Reputation and all. 

James was coming to realize that Regulus had a thing about control– three makes a pattern, after all, and this was the third time now that James had found himself pinned against some miscellaneous surface without much capacity to move (again, as always– not that he wanted to).

As it turned out, kissing Regulus sober was just as interesting as kissing him drunk. It was much sharper, now, like it was in clear focus. James had far less tunnel vision this time, able to think about each detail and hold it in his head and turn it over and memorize it, how soft Regulus’ hair was when he ran his hand up the back of his head, the bones in Regulus’ fingers where he was holding onto James’ collar, the warm tickle of his breath when he surfaced for air. Lovely, James thought. Everything about this. Everything about him.  

And then as soon as it started, it was over. Regulus pulled back abruptly, standing before James even had a chance to lunge for him and pull him back, and he was a spluttering mess of half-syllable protests. Regulus stared down at him, and it was clear this was exactly what he intended by the smirk on his face.

“You said you’d be quick, right?” Regulus teased. 

“You’re cruel,” James groaned. 

“I’ve got potions,” Regulus shrugged, scooping up his textbook from beside James where he’d left it abandoned. “And you’ve got to go get your teeth knocked out.”

“Don’t remind me. Once more for good luck?” James asked, batting his eyelashes. Regulus rolled his eyes, so James reached forward, gingerly taking his hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, which made Regulus blush far more than any snog could. It made James’ heart swell a little. It was just something about that blush. It felt a bit like a victory every time.

“The library’s a shit place to hide,” Regulus muttered as James released him. “He’s gonna find you in an instant.” 

“I figured it’d be, like, the third place he’d look,” James shrugged, pushing himself to his feet. 

“So you decided to come here anyway?” 

“Well, you came here, too,” James pouted. 

“I had homework,” Regulus said, tapping his potions book against James’ forehead with a dull thud. “Homework I didn’t do last night because I was too distracted by you.”  

“Oh, perish the thought,” James smirked. “Maybe you should have planned better. I tend to be fairly distracting.” 

“I think my plan worked fairly well, actually,” Regulus replied slyly, and before James really had a chance to consider the implications of that, he was already turning on his heel and waltzing off through the bookshelves. 

“Fuck,” James muttered when he was gone, wiping a hand over his face, because, well… fuck. 

To James’ credit, he managed to go a fairly long time without Sirius finding him. He figured this meant that Remus had hidden the map from him, something he’d have to thank him profusely for later. Or apologize for. But as the hours of the day crept along, James came to the conclusion that there was really nothing he could say to Sirius, or wanted to say to Sirius, that was anything but the truth. The whole truth. The whole corny, cheesy, desperate, self-destructive truth. 

And he really had intended to tell him. To find him and tell him. To stop hiding, and find him, and tell him. But then he’d round a corner and think he saw him and his heart would leap into his throat, so he’d sit in a bathroom stall with his feet up on the toilet seat just in case.

In the end, James had been spotted as he was sneaking out of the Great Hall after grabbing lunch, and from all the way down the table, he had heard the clatter of a dropped plate. He turned to lock eyes with Sirius, who was staring at him with such intensity that James thought he might combust right then and there. Sirius leaned back, swinging his legs over the bench, and James saw Remus peer out from behind him, looking rather exhausted. 

James had to think Remus had probably been dealing with Sirius’ spiral over the rumors since the moment they woke up. By now, the tales had reached James as well, and likely Regulus, wherever he was. I heard Potter snogged Black in the stairwell of Ravenclaw Tower, someone would say. I thought Black was dating Lupin? someone would reply. No, the other Black, someone would add, and then there would be a dense silence, followed by oh my god, are you fucking serious?  

And James would think, no, that’s Remus’ job. But he had no one there to say it to, because he was avoiding the one person who would laugh about it. 

What was worse was the one that came after that rumor, which was I heard Black snogged Potter in the library this morning, and fuck if that wasn’t even worse, because now no one could say they were just drunk. 

So now, James accepted his fate and waited very patiently and certainly very bravely for Sirius to arrive in front of him. And he certainly didn’t waver when Sirius stopped a foot away from him. 

And he also certainly didn’t hesitate when Sirius demanded, tell me it’s not true. Because that would be stupid. Hesitating would be very stupid, and so James certainly didn’t hesitate.

And he also certainly didn’t flinch when Sirius knocked his teeth out. 

Okay, fine, he didn’t lose any teeth, but he could certainly feel all of them crowding around in his mouth like they were reminding him they were all still there. James and Sirius were no stranger to a solid hit every once in a while. Quidditch got heated from time to time, or play fighting would turn into real fighting, or sometimes they just needed to hit something, and they were stupid and dumb and boys so they would make a deal, one for one. Every so often, a stray fist or heel would fly out, but they’d adopted a standard policy of one and done. Get it out of your system and move on. It was better than throwing dueling spells down the corridors every time they had a spat like they had done their first few years.

Peter had once told James that he had a telenovela slap, whatever that meant.

Remus had once told Sirius that he hit like a boxer. James understood that one.

Clearly, one of them had the better swing.

“I deserved that,” James muttered, pulling himself to his feet. 

“No shit you deserved that!” Sirius shouted. The air sparked and James felt his hair stand on end. Remus appeared at his elbow, positioning himself just slightly between them, wincing a little as he watched James rub his jaw. “You kiss my little brother and you haven’t even got the balls to stick around in the morning and tell me yourself? I had to hear it from Mulciber. Fucking Mulciber! Mulciber, James!” 

And, well, that was rather unfortunate, James had to give him that. 

“You kissed him. You actually kissed him?” Sirius demanded, clenching his fists. “You did? Did you? You better say yes or no right now, James Potter, or I swear on Godric fucking Gryffindor himself–”

“Yes, I kissed him!” James blurted out. Sirius turned a little red. “I kissed him. I did.” Twice, he thought, stupidly proud. Or once, twice… once more in the hall made three… again in the hall… again… and then the library, which made–

“Why?” Sirius said, and it was far more a command than a question.

“I– well– listen, it– it was really rather complicated, honestly, Pads–”

“Don’t Pads me,” Sirius hissed. James swallowed hard. 

And then, over Sirius’ shoulder, he spotted Regulus, who took one step into the Great Hall, made eye contact with James, widened his eyes a little, and then turned on his heel to try to leave. Unluckily for him, Dorcas and Pandora were both standing like a wall behind. Sirius saw the look on James’ face, and he whirled around in an instant. 

“Regulus.” 

Regulus winced. He hunched his shoulders a little like a guilty dog after chewing up shoes. He turned back, his eyebrows pinched in one exhausted line over his eyes. James tried to look apologetic, but he figured it might actually be coming across more as relief, because thank god he didn’t have to explain this all on his own. Regulus scowled at him as he walked over. At least some things never changed. 

“Sirius,” Regulus replied with the exact same intonation, making his way over. The girls remained by the door, whispering to each other. “Something you’d like to say?”

“Oh, do not talk to me like that right now–” Sirius started, bristling.

“To you?” Regulus crossed his arms. “Don’t scold me. You don’t talk to me like that, I’m not a child.”

“You’re acting like one!” Sirius groaned. “Both of you! Fuckin’ dodging me all day like I’m gonna blow a bloody fuse–”

“And what are you doing right now? Throwing a tantrum.”

James took it back. He didn’t want Regulus to be here. The only person more explosive than Sirius in a fight was Regulus, and Regulus was worse because he was all cold stares and bitter remarks right up until the point where it tipped and then he was a bull seeing red. 

Above them, the enchanted sky crackled with lightning. James didn’t know who caused it– when the two of them got going, they didn’t need wands to cause chaos in the magic around them. No one could say the Blacks weren’t powerful wizards. Sometimes, it overflowed. It made James shiver.

“I am not throwing a tantrum,” Sirius said dangerously. 

“I’m allowed to kiss whoever I want, Sirius,” Regulus challenged. “You don’t get to control me–”

“Control you– I– I couldn’t control you if I fucking tried, you just do whatever you want!” 

“Yeah, ‘cus I’m allowed to!”

“I’m not saying you’re not!”  

“You didn’t act like this when I’ve kissed anyone else,” Regulus rolled his eyes. 

“He has, actually,” Remus said softly, earning a look from Sirius. Remus was a very practiced wrangler for Sirius, though, and so the disdain made no impact on the neutral exhaustion of his expression. 

“Who I kiss is none of your business,” Regulus scowled. “And how come I’m in trouble now? What, you were pissed at him, now you’re pissed at me–?” he added, jerking his chin toward James, and oh, James was certainly not relieved he was here now.

“I’m pissed at both of you! But he’s the one who kissed my bloody brother!” Sirius shot back. 

“Oh, so I’m not involved in that engagement at all, right? Not like I didn’t leave my own marks,” Regulus spat. Sirius went red, and James could pinpoint the exact moment that he realized there were bruises dotted on Regulus’ neck, and then he whipped his head around and realized the marks were mirrored on James’ throat as well.

“You– I can’t believe you right now! Both of you–!”

“You’ve got no right– you– putain de merde–! ” and then Regulus was speaking French so fast that James thought he was having a stroke for a second. Sirius started yelling right back, and they were speaking over each other and repeating things incredulously and probably cursing, or definitely cursing, or saying things far more vile than cursing.

James stared at Regulus, distantly aware that his mouth was hanging half open, but he didn’t really make an effort to close it, because there was something so– so– so something about the way Regulus looked when he yelled, and christ, even angry, the French just sounded so heavenly coming from him– or maybe because he was angry– or maybe just because he was Regulus.  

Oh, James was gone. He had more than a screw loose.

And then James caught sight of Remus in his periphery, and when he turned and looked, just slightly, he realized Remus was staring at Sirius with the exact same level of immense infatuation and loose screws. Remus noticed James’ staring and looked his way, and when his eyes locked with James’, they sort of stared at each other dazedly for a moment until they realized what absolute slags they were at the same time and snorted both at once. 

Sirius snapped his attention to the two of them, and James and Remus both straightened their backs and steeled their expressions so fast you might have thought Dumbledore himself was about to scold them. 

“What the fuck are you laughing about?” Sirius demanded, staring daggers into James. 

“Sorry,” James blurted out almost out of instinct.

“Are you blushing?” Sirius asked.

“No!” James insisted, blushing harder. “No, I’m– I– Remus is blushing too!” Remus whacked him on the arm.

“Remus is allowed to blush when I speak French. You want to know why?” 

“Wh–”

“Because he’s fucking in love with me!” Sirius cut him off before he had a chance to ask. Remus did a poor job at hiding a stupidly chuffed smile. “And because I’m hot,” Sirius added. Regulus made a face at that.

“Well, Regulus is–” James started, but Remus elbowed him in the side hard enough that it knocked the wind out of him a little. He’d have to thank him for that later. If he said what he wanted to say, Sirius would probably transfigure him into a slug and drop him off the stone bridge. “I could be in love!” James said instead, which christ, that was worse. How did he go and manage to say something worse? Remus threw his hands up in the air.

“Why do I even try?” he muttered to no one in particular.

“I–! You–! Wh–!” Sirius spluttered, and then whatever he was going to say clearly fizzled out in his head into a general blur of what the fuck because he deflated a little. “Jesus christ, Jamie,” Sirius groaned, pressing his palms into his eyes. Jamie. They were getting somewhere. “When I told you to explore your sexuality, I meant, like, develop a crush on Remus like the rest of us.” 

“The rest of–?” Remus started, his eyes going a little wide. 

“Not to go after my brother. My brother? James, my brother!” Sirius whined, and it was all very dramatic, James thought. Not that he was one to judge. Sirius threw himself down on the bench next to them. “This is– this is like incest!”  

“Fucking hell, Sirius, say it any louder and the house elves will hear it,” Regulus hissed.

“Incest!” Sirius wailed, tipping his head back, and the word bounced off the ceiling. Regulus smacked him over the back of the head. “And at a bloody party no less!” Sirius groaned, rubbing his neck. “You couldn’t be a gentleman and ask him out to dinner or something?” 

“Wh…” James started to defend himself, but now he had no idea what Sirius was upset about. 

“Instead you get him all smashed and take advantage of him–!” 

“I wasn’t even drunk–” Regulus started at the same time James said “He wasn’t even drunk–!”

“Ugh,” Sirius groaned loudly, and then he thunked his forehead down on the table so hard it sounded painful. Remus winced.

“If anything, he took advantage of me,” James pointed out, and then clicked his mouth shut because Regulus shot him a look so venomous James thought he might genuinely be in danger. He probably was in danger. Scratch that– he definitely was in danger. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Sirius asked the table, not lifting his head, and the way he was pressing his face against the wood made his nose sound stuffy. 

“Nothing!” James said, his eyes still locked with Regulus, who was grinding his teeth severely. “I was– I was just– well I was really very smashed, but–” he continued– and continuing at all was a big mistake, because Sirius jerked upright and whirled on James so fast James took a step back. 

“You’re never drinking again,” Sirius commanded. James blinked at him. “Not a drop. You hear me?” James saw Remus stifle a laugh behind Sirius, rolling his eyes. “You get drunk and your first thought is to kiss my little brother?” He wanted to kiss me first, James thought, but that seemed like sometime he shouldn’t say. Either for Sirius’ sake or for Regulus’, because Regulus hadn’t seemed to point out that specific detail yet. And if he wanted to leave that unsaid, James figured he could be the target for this particular shootout. 

“The drunkenness really had nothing to do with it, Sirius,” James backpedaled. “I mean honestly, if it did, I’d have kissed him years ago–” oh my god, James thought to himself. Oh my god! Would you just stop? Talking? Please. For the love of god. Shut your fucking mouth. He looked over to Regulus, who was very clearly thinking the same thing. 

“Years,” Sirius said, dangerously low. 

“Would you just hit me and get it over with?” James asked miserably. 

“No,” Remus interjected, a little insistently. “He’s already hit you.” 

“I could hit you, if you’d like,” Regulus ground out.

“You’d probably enjoy it, you fuckin’ sicko,” Sirius muttered to James, and christ, James really, really wanted to laugh at that. “Since when?” he asked urgently, and it took James off guard. “Since when? Years? How many years?” Sirius stood up, putting his hands on either of James’ shoulders and shook him so James’ head rattled a bit. “Since when?” James opened his mouth, but he didn’t manage the words. “You,” Sirius said, turning to Regulus and taking his hands off James, but Regulus stepped back from him.

“You try that with me, I’ll break your fingers,” Regulus warned, and he wasn’t kidding. 

“Why do neither of you just want to talk to me?” Sirius wailed, and he plopped down on the bench again. “I’m very easy to talk to,” he closed his eyes, tipping his head back, and then he slid down in his seat a little so his shoulders were resting against the table, halfway to melting onto the floor. Remus rolled his eyes. “You– you dodge me all morning, and I have to hear about this from some fuckin’ twat–” (read: Mulciber)   ”–and then you go and kiss him again? While you’re actively avoiding me?”

It did feel a little mean spirited now in hindsight.

“I didn’t really know what to say,” James mumbled guiltily. “Not really much I can do to explain without making you want to punch me.”

“James, you kissed my brother. I was gonna punch you no matter what. You knew that,” Sirius shook his head. 

“I knew that,” James admitted. “Look, it really wasn’t– well, I wasn’t expecting it, alright? Not like I planned to go to that party and–” he cut himself short, not sure if saying snog your brother would set Sirius off again. Probably. He didn’t want to risk it. 

“So why did you, then?” Sirius asked. James opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything. He glanced at Regulus. “Because this is– why is this so complicated?” James opened his mouth, but he didn’t get the chance to say anything.

“I asked him to kiss me,” Regulus cut in. James blinked at him. “Why’re you going and blaming James for this like I’m not even here? I’d like to believe I’ve got a say in who kisses me.”

“You asked him to kiss you?” Sirius frowned, apparently getting stuck on the first half of Regulus’ interruption. 

“That so hard to believe?” Regulus crossed his arms.

“A bit,” Sirius huffed. “You’re not exactly a first move sort of guy,” he added– objectively true, yes, but a bit of a blunt way of putting it. 

“Yeah, well, fuckin’–” Regulus muttered, holding himself a little more tensely, and to James’ surprise, he told the truth. “Jay wouldn’t fuckin’ leave me alone,” he said. Sirius narrowed his eyes. “He was drunk, and he was freaking me out, and I asked James to kiss me so he’d stop backing me into bloody corners trying to feel me up.”

He finished very bluntly and with very little emotion behind it, and James blinked at him, because he really hadn’t heard that last bit in such words until now. It made him boil a little. A lot. A whole lot. Sirius seemed to process this statement in pieces as well, parsing through each individual element until he came to understand the full picture, and his expression darkened. The sky above them darkened as well.

“Oh, I’m gonna skin that little shit,” Sirius said through gritted teeth. 

“See, that. That’s why I didn’t ask you for help.”

“I’m gonna shove his broomstick so far up his ass, he’ll be tasting pine,” Sirius added. “He’ll have sap coming out of his ears.” The image was rather grotesque. Maybe that’s why it made the corner of Regulus’ mouth twitch.

“I appreciate the thought,” he mused. “It’s handled now.”

“Clearly,” Sirius groaned, rubbing his temple with two fingers. “I’m surprised you didn’t skin him alive, actually,” he added to James. 

“I didn’t realize how much of a creep he was,” James muttered. Regulus frowned, but it was a genuinely uncomfortable sort of thing, a stop talking about this sort of thing, so James shook his head. “I said no, at first, if it helps.” 

“It doesn’t.”

“Right. But come on, Pads, you know I’ve got no restraint, and I– look, I know you don’t want to hear it, but I– he– well–” James blew out a breath. “Fourth year.” 

“What?” Sirius asked, his eyebrows pinching. 

“Fourth year. That’s since when. I got a stupid little crush because he joined the fuckin’ quidditch team, and god I thought the girls looked good in those kits…” James shook his head. Regulus blushed. Sirius groaned and slid down further on the bench. “And it just… didn’t go away. And it really was going to be the one kiss, or the two, I guess, just– just to be convincing–” Sirius didn’t need all the details– “but then I got all mopey. You know how I get when I’m drunk. And then I go and admit I’ve had a crush on him since fourth year, but he goes and says he’s had a crush on me since first year, ‘cus he’s gotta one-up me at every turn,” James sighed, shaking his head. Regulus rolled his eyes heavily. 

“First year,” Sirius echoed, throwing his hands up into the air. “Oh, you’re both such idiots,” Sirius muttered. He was practically melted to the ground now. James thought it couldn’t possibly be comfortable. Remus sat down on the bench and patted Sirius’ shoulder sympathetically. Sirius leaned against his hand. “Mopey, pining, drunk idiots–”

“I wasn’t drunk–” Regulus noted, but Sirius bulldozed past it. 

“And you couldn’t just say that this morning? Mulciber, James. Mulciber is the one who tells me that my best bloody mate and my little fuckin’ brother made out twice in the past twelve hours. You don’t think I ought to hear that from you? You couldn’t have just told me sooner? You couldn’t have told me years ago?”

James tried to do a little mental tally of the things Sirius was angry at him about, now, because the list was growing. There was the obvious, that James had kissed Regulus. And that Regulus had kissed James. And that they had kissed twice. And that they had kissed while they were avoiding him. And apparently that James hadn’t been a gentleman about it and asked him out properly, not made out with him at a party. That James was drunk. That Regulus wasn’t. That James hadn’t told him right away, hadn’t been the first to tell him, had been avoiding him at all.

But the sort of pinnacle of it all seemed to be that it was a secret. 

“You’re right,” James sighed. 

“Of course I’m right, I’m always right,” Sirius groaned, and then he slid right off the bench entirely and sat in a heap on the stone floor. “Right about everything, all of the time, it’s so annoying.” Remus pursed his lips to avoid laughing. James crouched, folding his legs and sitting across from him. 

“Look– and don’t punch my lights out again–” James started, and Sirius raised his hands placatively. “I’m not just being a dick, here. I wasn’t going behind your back trying to mess around with your brother, I wouldn’t do that.” 

“I know,” Sirius shook his head. 

“It just sort of happened. And I should have been the one to tell you, because fuck, I’d be pissed too if Mulciber was the one to tell me something like that. Did you punch his lights out, as well?” 

“Kicked him in the balls, actually,” Remus supplied, and James laughed. 

“Nothing new, then,” James sighed. “I just… well, I tend to avoid confrontation, and you tend to run headfirst into it, and… you’re really the only person I really care about disappointing.” Sirius blinked up at the ceiling. The lightning had stopped. It was returning to dull, gray clouds.

“I’m not disappointed, James,” Sirius said, tipping his head to the side to look at him. “I’m– it took me off guard, okay? I mean, you’re going after my brother,” he nodded toward James, “and you’re going after my best friend,” he nodded toward Regulus (to which Regulus rolled his eyes), “and you know, thinking… rationally–”

“Didn’t know you were capable,” Regulus muttered, and Sirius shot him a look. 

“Thinking rationally,” he said more insistently, “if anyone was going to date Reggie here, I suppose the only person good enough for him would be you.” James blinked at him, and Regulus was also apparently as surprised to hear that, because he was silent as well. “And certainly not Jay,” Sirius added, saying Jay the same way he might say wanker or bastard or asshole. “You deserve to be happy.” 

Sirius shrugged like it was the simplest statement in the world, but Regulus stiffened like a board and stared down at his brother with a look of… something. Surprise? Shock? James had to think that the two of them hadn’t really said things like that, before. It was an implied sort of love that they shared, penned in behind snide remarks and scathing insults. You deserve to be happy. James couldn’t agree more.

“Glad you think so,” Regulus murmured awkwardly.

“Ugh, christ,” Sirius groaned, tipping his head back again. “You would be happy, wouldn’t you? Both of you. I hate that.” 

“Hate what?” James laughed. 

“That I get it,” Sirius moaned. Somehow, he managed to slide even further down on the floor, laying his back fully flat on the stone. “You’re like. So terribly different that it works. There’s chemistry. Disgusting.”

“Real nice,” Regulus muttered.

“So you… approve?” James asked hesitantly. 

“Approve?” Regulus scoffed, turning his scowl to James. “What is he, my father?” 

“As if I’d talk to your father,” James rolled his eyes. Sirius snorted.

“Yes, yes, be happy and in love,” Sirius muttered, waving a hand vaguely in the air. “But for fuck’s sake, James, tell me about this shit yourself, otherwise I’ll tell Mulciber your mum embroiders your name on your underwear or something.” 

“Aye-aye,” James laughed. “Is this a good time to tell you I also had a crush on Remus a while back?” 

“You what?” Remus gawked at the same time Sirius barked a laugh. 

“I fuckin’ knew it,” Sirius grinned. “Everyone’s got a crush on Moony. It’s a rite of passage.”

“Everyone who? You’re totally fine with this?” Remus asked.

“Oh, we all know I’m the only one you’ve got eyes for,” Sirius reached over, resting his hand against Remus’ calf, rubbing his thumb back and forth. “No one else ever had a chance.”

“You were certainly a bit of a queer awakening,” James mused nostalgically. 

“Could have mentioned it,” Remus sighed, leaning his elbow back against the table.

“I wasn’t gonna ask you out or anything,” James shrugged. “It was more in, like, an objective beauty type of way.” 

“Objective beauty…” Remus trailed off, his eyes narrowing as he processed that.

“You’re hot, babe,” Sirius grinned up at him, and Remus nudged his shoulder with one foot.

“Don’t call me babe,” he rolled his eyes. Sirius sat bolt upright and pointed at James with such intensity James leaned back.

“Don’t call him babe,” Sirius said dangerously to James, nodding his head toward Regulus. “If I hear you call my brother babe I’ll vomit.”

“I’ll vomit, too,” Regulus added. He sat down on the bench facing outward, leaning his elbow on the table.

“Are other names alright?” James laughed, raising his eyebrows, a question posed to either of the brothers. “You know I love a good nickname. Pookie? Sweet cheeks? Muffin? Hot lips– ow!” Regulus and Sirius both kicked either of James’ shins.